Original subtitles

and may contain mature subject matter.

Viewer discretion is advised.

(growling, rumbling) and may contain mature subject matter.

-Whatever's in there sounds crazy pissed off.

Let's light it up!

-But all our food's in there.

-Won't be the first time we've picked bullets out of a meal.

(gunshots)

(deep long growl)

(rumbling)

(gunshots)

-Oh! Feels like rain tomorrow!

(growling and rumbling)

-Oh, you wanna play? Let's play!

(clanking of debris)

-We're under attack! Father Manilla's been shot!

Oh God, they took out the food supply!

We're gonna have to resort to cannibalism!

We'll start with Manilla. He'll bleed out soon anyway.

-We're not under attack.

Something was in the food shed. (rumbling, clanking)

(suspenseful music)

(barking)

-Chudley? Are you hit?

(big burp)

-(all three): Ugh!

(apocalyptic music)

(theme music)

♪

(growling)

-All I'm saying is, you should be more careful.

-Me? This is your fault.

You're the one who used heavy artillery on your own dog!

-Grenades aren't heavy artillery.

-Oh God, just once, admit that you screwed up!

-Well, I could, but...

I just solved all our problems.

There's a supermarket down there.

(rumbling)

(munching sounds)

(clanking, shattering)

-Gimme something, dammit.

I'll take a crouton, to hell with carbs!

Ugh!

Unless you've got a souvlaki in one of your crevices,

get off of me!

-But it's been months, Suzette!

Did I do something wrong?

I could make it up to you.

Why don't I draw you a bath, light some candles...

-Johnny, stop! It's this!

The cowering and apologizing!

Do you even remember who you were before the apocalypse?

-I was me, except with muscle tone and reliable erections.

Speaking of which...

-Where's the badass who used to give people

wrong directions and then rob them when they got lost?

Baby, you were a bastard, a bully, and a drug dealer,

but goddamn it, you were a man.

-I could... grow a moustache?

-That ain't what you need to grow, honey.

-Uh, the family jewels?

Still got them! Where'd they go?

-If you find any dog food,

Dwayne wants the labels peeled off...

-... so everyone thinks it's beef stew. Gotcha!

-I'll try to find some of those opiates at the pharmacy.

Dwayne's always in a great mood when we bring those.

-Ooh... (laughter)

Oh, this could be fun!

(laughter)

-Hold up! I'm about to scare Gabe.

(loud growl)

Is that Halloween aisle cool or what?

(tense music)

-Okay, Judith. Time to get the hell out of...

whatever this place is.

♪

-(AENUS): No sense sneaking around, Judith.

I have eyes everywhere.

I know you're up to something...

-Ah, you're taking all the fun out of this!

-(AENUS): Careful, you might invalidate my warranty!

Ha! Ha! Just a little joke.

But seriously, you're freaking me out.

-Un-bunch your panties, AENUS,

I'm just trying to bypass your CPU.

-(AENUS): To lift the lockdown?

Hmm, I wouldn't recommend poking around in there, you might...

-AENUS?

-Greetings. I am this super bunker's

Automated Electronic Neural Utility System.

A-E-N-U-S.

But you can call me AENUS.

Would you like to play a game?

-You okay? Little groggy from the reboot?

-System breach alert. Deploying security drone.

Ooh, that looks like a fun game!

-Oh, yay. More drones!

(action movie type music)

-(AENUS): Old lady almost go boom!

-Sorry, brother.

I didn't realize you were mutated.

-What? Dude, I'm not mutant. I'm normal.

-Yeah, you are!

We all are! We're the new normal, am I right?

And non-mutants need to be wiped off the face of the Earth

like the scum that they are!

-Oh... Uh, right.

Okay. That's me, brother.

100% prime "mu-tah-to"!

-The name's Manson Lawless!

You probably saw that on my tattoo.

I'm known as the Bringer of Pain,

the Dispenser of Woe,

and The CEO of "Oh God, No!"

-Uh!

-Hey, what are you doing with my brother?

-Your brother is a no-good, stinking Normie!

Yeah, guys, I'm not digging "Normie"

as the word for non-mutants. It just sounds stupid.

How about "Normo"?

See, I like "Normo", it feels more disparaging.

-Who cares what we call them?

Kill them!

-Anyone else thinks finding a proper name

for our number-one enemy is a waste of time?

-Run!

Uh... I mean, all of us, run after the Normo!

Yeah, no, that does sound like "Normal".

(cawing, monkey screams)

-(AENUS): Warmer...

Colder...

Colder... Colder!

I love this game!

Shut up, you electronic asshat!

(tense music)

-(AENUS): Warmer...

Warmer... Hot! Hot! Hot!

Oh my God, oh my God, he totally found you!

-If I get out of this,

you've got a playdate with a sledgehammer.

-(AENUS): Yay, playdate!

-Sound the alarm! They're coming! They're coming!

-Who's coming, Gabe? Panic more specifically!

(electric guitar)

-Hey, you folks in there! Are you ready to rock?

(heavy metal) -(Dwayne): No!

-It's really more of a Hot Country kind of town.

-Gross.

Listen up, shit-kickers!

You got a Normo in there!

And you're gonna send him out

or I'm gonna come in there and get him!

(demonic laugh)

-What the (bleep) is a Normo?

(heavy metal playing)

-You all heard what that terrifying son of a bitch said.

or we're all dead.,

Now obviously we're not gonna just march Gabe out there...

-Thank you. -... he'll run.

So we'll have to tie him up and roll him out.

-Wait! Don't you see what'll happen?

You'll hand me over and he'll take the town anyway!

-Why would he go back on his word?

You really need to learn how to trust people, Gabe.

Now hold still while we tie you up.

-No, no, no, no, no, no!

-Hello! Hi!

Here you go!

One Normo for all your Normo needs.

-The gate's open!

Let's go!

-Dammit, why didn't anyone see this coming?

(heavy metal) -Yee-haw!

(screams of fear)

-Ah! Ha, ha, ha!

-Ah! It burns!

Oh wait, it doesn't!

(distant screams)

-Uh? -Ya!

(screaming)

(grunts) (high-pitch scream)

-Ah! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

-Ow! (Suzette laughs.)

-Oh, sorry.

(demonic laugh)

(angry groaning)

-Aren't you going to do anything, Johnny?

-I surrendered peacefully!

What more do you want?

-The old Johnny would have kicked those guys' asses

up and down Main Street and taken their wallets!

-Hey, for what it's worth,

I like you way better than the old Johnny.

-Shut up!

-Dude, you were straight-up psycho!

One time you caught me leaning on your car,

and as a punishment, you made me eat my own underwear.

Fork and knife, napkin, barbecue sauce, the whole bit!

I had to have surgery to get my thong out of my colon!

-Yeah... I don't remember doing that.

-Hum... Must have been all the mouthwash

and cough syrup you were drinking...

to get the taste of meth out of your mouth.

-Okay new guy, keep an eye on these jokers.

Anyone moves, gut them like a fish!

-Uh, what the hell, Rafe? You're with these people now?

-How could you?

-Shut up, morons!

Rafe obviously infiltrated their group

with that half-assed getup and he's here to rescue us!

-Uh... Yeah.

Yeah, that's... exactly what's happening right now.

-Well, hurry up, man! Untie us!

-Can't blow my cover just yet.

-Oh, Rafe's got something up his sleeve!

Is this guy good or what?

-AENUS!

I know you just re-booted, but you got to shut down that drone!

-(AENUS): I wish I could, but security drones

don't launch unless there's a really good reason.

Are you a fugitive of some kind?

-No! It's me, Judith Burns! Remember?

-(AENUS): I don't have a "Judith Burns" on the manifest.

Are you the "plus one" of someone powerful?

Don't see you on the "Mistresses and Girlfriends" list either...

Congrats! You eluded the drone for over two hours,

which means... more drones!

-Oh, shit.

-Excuse me, but what's a big strong stud

like you doing chasing piddly little non-mutants around?

-What's a fine-ass piece of tail like you

doing in a town full of losers?

-Ha! You first.

-It's a long story. -I've got nothing but time.

Wanna grab a drink? I know a nice little place...

-Lead the way, milady...

-Suzette, I forbid you to consort with this man.

-Yo, Manson,

can I get a drink?

-No! This is my private time!

-Oh! An apple!

(grunts)

Aw, it's mealy...

-Finally! What took you so long?

-I didn't wanna blow my cover.

-How exactly are you undercover?

You bumbled into their gang,

and you've been standing around doing jack-squat!

-You're just jealous, now shush! Got a plan.

-Oh, I'm filled with confidence.

-Thanks, man. (guitar riff)

-What's that killer riff?

New Guy, what the hell are you doing with my axe?

-Uh... Jamming?

-Oh?

You're a Normo?

(grunt)

(Rafe screams, Manson shouts.)

-(Vijay): We're screwed!

-No! I bet this is all part of Rafe's plan.

(Rafe whines.)

-Time for you Normos to pay.

in the name of Ozzy,

and to a lesser extent Poison,,

I hereby sentence you to die in the most metal way possible.

-Pickaxe? Meathook?

Oversized war hammer with 666 painted in goat's blood?

-Stop suggesting things...

-An overdose? Choking on a sandwich?

-Picture this. Your heads. My teeth.

One bite. Maybe two, depending on how sinewy your neck is.

-Yeah, I'm still not getting it. What is he, a vampire?

-(AENUS): Oh, you'll never find Judith.

She's really good at hiding. Like, really good.

Hey, why do people wear pants?

Ha! Ha! "Pants" is a funny word.

(whirring of the drones)

Oooh, they almost got you. This is fun!

(alarm blaring)

-Oh, shit!

(upbeat tense music)

Phew!

-(AENUS): Oh, what are we hiding from?

-AENUS, come on, I know you're feeling dopey from the re-boot,

but you gotta pull it together and shut down those drones!

-(AENUS): Oh, golly! I can't pull anything right now!

My mechanical arms aren't online.

-No, I mean you gotta get your head straight!

Heads. Plural.

I have consoles all over this bunker,

which are like heads. I'm like a hydra!

-Oh, you can remember fricking hydras but not me?

(sigh)

Look, I got locked in here a while ago,

and then everything outside went "ka-blooey", remember?

-(AENUS): Sorry, those memory files

appear to be offline at the moment. What's a ka-blooey?

-(screaming): Oh my God, would you just focus?

Oh... I'm the lady who lives here with you and...

yells all the time.

-(AENUS): Oh, like you just did?

Wow, you must be hard to live with.

-Oh, shit!

(demonic laugh)

-Don't look at me with those big moon eyes, Johnny.

-I am putting down what passes for my foot

and demanding that you stop flirting with our kidnapper!

-If you were this assertive all the time,

maybe I wouldn't be flirting with Manson.

You know why he hates non-mutants?

Because his wife left him for one.

Now he wants to kill every non-mutant there is.

-That is psychotic!

-No, Johnny. That's...

That's passion! Which... you just don't get.

-This guy bothering you, babe? -Pff! He couldn't bother anyone.

-Alright then, let's get this show on the road!

Gimme some sugar, babe. (Johnny whines.)

(sensual rock music) (Suzette moans.)

-Ew, that is just not appealing to look at.

-Johnny, that freak just gave your wife's entire head

a tongue bath. You're just gonna sit there?

-Where else would I sit?

(scream, guitar riff)

(Gabe pants in fear.)

(electric guitar playing)

-Ah, ha! (Electric distortion stops.)

-What happened to the juice?

Goddamn non-union roadies!

Alright, straight to the big finish!

Uh?

Hey! What... What happened, baby?

-I cut them loose. Wasn't I supposed to?

-How could you betray me like this?

After the forty minutes we spent together?

I thought we had a real connection.

Guess I'm gonna be biting off three heads today.

-Get your damn hands off her.

-What are you gonna do?

Hit me like George McFly hit Biff Tannen

and then live happily ever after?

-I don't know who those people are,

but I am going to hit you! Oh... Ow!

-(all): Ow...

That's all you got, Jelly dick?

Come on, get up and... (chocking squeals)

(monkey-like screech)

-Shouldn't we help them?

-Relax, kid!

When's the last time you saw a monster beaten up by a monkey?

(tense music)

-Are you all the way back yet? -(AENUS): No, ma'am!

-What does A.I. stand for? "Asshole Incorporated"?

You're nothing but a home security system

with delusions of grandeur!

-(AENUS): This stream of abuse seems familiar...

-That's because you're a billion terabytes

of total douche-tard!

I've seen coffee makers with more brains

and personality than you! You half-blown, idiotic,

sorry excuse for a microchip!

I'd put a toaster in front of your lazy ass!

-(AENUS): Judith? -And he's back!

Now, shut these things down.

Oh, I would, but I can't override a security sweep.

-Ugh, fine!

Mama's coming, boys!

-(AENUS): Ooh, I should play some fight music!

(goofy circus music)

(screaming)

(fighting screams)

-(Judith): Suck it!

(gunshots)

-(AENUS): Aw, you broke my drones!

-Not sorry.

So, now that you re-booted, can you open the doors?

-(AENUS): Well, until I receive further orders,

this bunker must remain on lockdown.

Now, what do you say we start helping you

get over the trauma of the Apocalypse, huh?

-Ah...

Way ahead of you... (gulping)

(epic music)

(grunting)

(long scream)

(grunting, slapping)

(moaning)

-Suzette, clear!

(soft whimper)

(Manson yelling)

(grunting)

-You broke my heart, babe!

Both of them. I have two, by the way.

-Yeah, yeah, go write a shitty song about it!

-Thanks for coming out, St. Zephyr!

I'll be back on my next tour!

And it's gonna be killer!

Ugh, woh, ugh, woh...

-Don't forget your stupid guitar! Ah!

Oh, sorry, Father!

-Hmm, feels like a storm's coming.

-Manson left a bunch of supplies behind with his stuff,

so it looks like we're gonna be okay for now.

-That's great.

Feel like... celebrating your victory?

-Uh, I don't know, babe, I'm kind of tired...

-Choke me with your tail.

-What? -Please...

Choke me with your tail.

(sensual music)

(moaning) -(Suzette): Baby...

-Honey... Oh, so good!

-Ooh, baby.

Oh, Manson! -What?

Closed Captioning: Épilogue Technical Services Inc.