Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

Ugh, this backpack is so heavy.

My back is killing me!

(bones cracking)

Okay, I think my back is stuck this way.

What do you have in there, a ton of bricks?

Yes.

A Ton of Bricks by Kathleen Lombard.

Hey...

-You know what would be awesome? -Calculus camp?

No.

If books had feet and legs.

Then they could walk to school with you and carry your backpack.

Or how about a backpack that massages your back while you're wearing it?

Well, your idea doesn't require breeding a race of walking books

that could one day rise up and use the knowledge contained within them

to rise against us.

Think about it.

Not that crazy thing you just said. My idea.

We could make a billion dollars with a massaging backpack!

With a billion dollars, we could buy a billion things from the Dollar Store!

Or one billion, ten million, one hundred and one thousand and ten things

from the 99 Cent Store.

You cannot tell a soul about this.

We don't want anyone else horning in on our idea.

-What about Chyna? We should include her. -No way.

Every business book I've ever read

says you should never do business with friends.

-But you're going in on this with me. -Exactly.

♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo ♪

-♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo ♪ -Whoo!

♪ Everybody's got that thing ♪

♪ Something different We all bring ♪

♪ Don't you let 'em Clip your wings ♪

♪ You got it, you got it ♪

♪ We're on fire and we blaze ♪

♪ In extraordinary ways ♪

♪ 365 days ♪

♪ We got it, we got it ♪

♪ You can dream it You can be it ♪

♪ If you can feel it You can believe it ♪

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

-♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ -Whoo!

Hey, everyone, I got a new outfit.

Don't miss this photo op!

Gibson, why is no one looking at me?

Huh! Maybe you're dead.

(gasps) I see dead people!

I'm not dead.

(gasps) I see living people, too!

Wait a second!

Is that Paisley everyone's gathering around?

She broke her arm last night.

That is just like Paisley to break a limb to steal attention away from me.

Okay, I designed the prototype for our massaging backpack.

I give you...

The Fletch Pack!

Or Olive Pack. Olive Pack is good.

Let me try it on.

(gasps) Ooh!

Ah!

(chuckling)

It has Swedish mode, Shiatsu mode, and...

apple pie a la mode.

Nice!

Hey, what's this do?

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Slap mode!

It also has a vibrating massage

for an all-over relaxation experience!

Ooh!

Ah!

(voice vibrating) I like this one.

It feels good!

Hey, Lexi, can you move? I want to sign Paisley's cast.

Excuse me.

(shrieks)

Chyna's coming! Quick, hide the backpack!

I can't get it off!

Angus' hoodie!

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, guys.

What are you up to?

(scoffs)

Nothing.

Just hanging out with my bud, Olive.

(massager vibrating) Ooh!

(voice vibrating) Hi, Chyna.

Olive, are you okay?

Yeah. I'm just a little chilly.

Yeah, why do you think she's wearing this oversized hoodie?

I mean, it's not like she's trying to hide something.

You guys have been acting strange since yesterday.

Whispering to each other, giggling,

acting all weird when I enter the room.

Wait a second.

I know why you've been acting strange.

-You do? -(voice vibrating) You do?

You two

are secretly dating!

Um...

You caught us!

I find this immature, little weirdo totally irresistible.

And Olive's endless babbling about nothing is so adorable.

Interesting factoid. I love her.

Oh, you guys!

Hey, Paisley.

Oh!

I'm sure you're bummed about your broken arm.

Hey! You know what always cheers me up?

Butter skating!

I brought you a pair!

But you're gonna have to find your own hair helmet.

Hello, students.

I would wave to you, but I can't because I have two broken arms.

Don't cry for me, Marge and Tina.

But you can sign my casts!

Did I mention I have two of them,

which is twice as many as Paisley has?

Lexi, how did you break your arms?

It doesn't matter how.

The important thing is how many.

Two.

Can I sign your cast?

I love what you wrote on mine.

"Hope infection sets in. Love, Lexi."

Oh, that's just like you.

Full of hope!

Hey. Be careful walking down here, Lexi.

We wouldn't want you to get more hurt.

For some reason the floor's all buttery.

I'll help you with my one good arm, Lexi.

(screams)

Paisley, are you okay?

I think I broke my other arm and one of my legs.

You've got to be kidding me!

That's sweet of you to wish it was a joke,

but I'm afraid it's true, friend.

It's my fault!

I forgot to put out the "Caution, Caution Sign" sign.

What!

Lunch just started! How could the fudge pops already be gone?

I used them to design our new company's building.

I give you

Fletch Tower!

Or Olive Tower. Olive Tower's good.

There are my two favorite sweethearts!

Actually, the heart is not sweet,

but rather quite bitter due to the presence of oxidized blood.

She's all mine.

Oh, you guys are so cute together!

Let me get a picture of you guys.

-Sure. -I guess.

Okay.

Oh, come on!

How about a smooch?

I can't do it!

I'd rather lose half a billion dollars than kiss Fletcher.

What? What's going on?

And half a billion dollars?

Okay. This is not another scheme to take down Vegas, is it?

Because they know your faces now.

The truth is we came up with an idea

to invent a massaging backpack

after watching you struggle with yours.

Well, why would you guys lie to me?

Because I knew you'd want to be part of it

and business can really hurt a friendship.

Let me illustrate.

Let's say my hand represents business.

And Fletcher represents friendship.

Ow!

See?

Let me use another example.

Let's say this fork represents business.

She gets it! She gets it!

Okay. I would never let anything hurt our friendship.

I really want to work with you guys.

It'll be so fun.

Well, if you think you can handle it,

welcome aboard.

-Yes! -Yes!

And just to be clear,

that thing about Olive and me dating was entirely made up.

I'm totally available.

Well, you guys fooled me.

I was completely convinced you were a couple.

Ew!

You didn't go spreading that around, did you?

Uh...

No.

No, I did not.

Quimby, I challenge you to a duel!

Fletcher, Olive is mine. All mine!

All right, first item on the agenda.

I am pleased to announce that we have chosen our employee of the month.

Hey, guys! Look what I have!

(Olive) Balloons?

We're throwing a party to celebrate me getting employee of the month?

No. This is our invention.

Uh, we already have an invention.

The massaging backpack.

Yeah, but why treat the symptoms of a heavy backpack

when we can remove the problem entirely

by making the backpack weightless?

That's a great idea!

The helium in the balloons counteract the weight of the backpack.

How did you get employee of the month and not this young go-getter?

Look, Chyna, my massaging backpack idea is already perfect.

Balloons are totally impractical.

Look how easy they pop.

Wow.

Someone should invent a fork sharpener.

You know what? Let's vote.

Who would rather do Chyna's terrible idea

than my great idea?

I vote for my idea.

Me, too.

Fletcher?

Sorry, Olive. Chyna's idea is better.

Besides, you know I love anything that comes with balloons.

Except clowns.

I hate clowns.

When I see a clown with balloons, I feel very conflicted.

Sorry, Olive, but it's two against one.

Well, we'll see about that.

Hey, Angus, I have a proposal for you.

The answer is yes!

A thousand times, yes!

(playing "Wedding March")

I didn't mean a marriage proposal.

I meant a business proposal.

Duh. I knew that.

(whispering) Do not release the doves.

(doves cooing)

Thanks so much for carrying my books for me, Paisley.

I'm just so exhausted from having two broken arms and two broken legs.

No problem, Lexi.

So, you were hit by a plane?

How did that happen?

I was doing some fashion modeling.

They really shouldn't call them both runways.

Hey, guys! I was down in the basement

like I am every Wednesday, feeding the rats,

and I found this cool armoire.

It's perfect to keep my rat food in!

Oh! But boy, is this thing hard to move!

Even with the dolly.

What dolly? I don't see a dolly.

It's right under here.

(strains)

(loud thud)

Paisley, are you okay?

I'm all right.

I just think I broke everything.

(screams) You're so selfish!

I've had it!

Sorry!

This is my fault.

I forgot to put out my "Caution, Falling Armoires" sign.

(sighs) Olive, you just invited Angus in so he would vote for your ideas.

He agrees with everything you say.

-That's not true. -That's not true.

I have a new design for the weightless backpack I'd like to show everyone.

Not so fast.

I have my own prototype.

Let's see them both and vote.

Fine.

Then, without further ado,

because I think we'll agree we've all had enough ado,

I present

the Inflate-A-Pack!

(sighs) Okay.

Impressive.

But you know, as much as your design appeals to me,

something's telling me not to vote for it.

Do not vote for it.

Okay, my design.

Now, I'm sure you're probably all aware

that bats can carry up to three times their body weight.

So, I present to you

-(bats squeaking) -The Bat Sack!

Is there a bat in that bag?

Of course not! There are two dozen bats in this bag.

Olive, that's a crazy idea!

People are going to carry around a bag of bats?

What are the bats even going to eat?

(screaming)

My neck!

Get it off! Get it off!

Well, now would be a good time to vote.

(screaming)

Now that we've chosen the backpack design

that does not drain a human of precious blood...

So cold.

I think we should do an infomercial.

How are we supposed to pay for an infomercial?

(Gibson grunting)

Oh, this backpack is so heavy!

(panting)

When I won America Needs Talent,

why did I ask for the $100,000 in nickels?

(grunts)

Gibson, how would you like to invest in a product

that's guaranteed to make a billion dollars?

More money? No! Money is the worst. It's so heavy!

Okay. Well, then,

how would you like to pay for our infomercial

and get nothing back in return?

That sounds awesome!

But I want to star in the infomercial.

It's been a dream of mine since you said the word infomercial five seconds ago.

-Totally. -No problem.

-Okay. -Not so fast.

I don't agree.

Oh, why don't you agree?

-Why don't you agree? -Oh, I do agree.

No, you don't.

This is about us rejecting your Bat Sack.

No, it's not.

You seem upset.

I'm not upset. You're upset.

-Okay. I am upset. -No, you're not.

Okay, I kind of feel like whatever I say,

you're saying the opposite to disagree with me.

No, I'm not.

-Up... Happy... -Down... Sad...

-Not. -Not not.

You know what? Forget this.

No, I'm going to remember this.

What? I have an eidetic memory. I'm going to remember this.

(Chyna) Are you sick and tired of old-fashioned backpacks

that are impossible to figure out?

With their dangerous zippers!

To say nothing of their back-breaking weight!

Well, say goodbye to all that

with the new Inflate-A-Pack from AntCo!

With our patented air pillow technology,

a weight will be lifted off your shoulders.

Literally!

Thanks, Inflate-A-Pack!

Sorry, I can't clap.

All my clapping parts are broken.

You're lucky.

I'm just a disembodied head.

Well, you'll forget all your problems

when you put on the Inflate-A-Pack!

Of course, it does require having a back.

And shoulders.

Excuse me!

I use backpacks all the time

when I'm guiding city folk through the wilderness.

Where do I get one?

Right here, kind mountain man!

And if you order right now,

we'll give you a second Inflate-A-Pack absolutely free!

I'm a skeptical scientist.

How do I know this isn't some sort of camera trick?

Well, I'm glad you asked that, world-renowned scientist.

How would you like to see an impressive live demonstration?

You know what's impressive?

The medical miracle that is a girl who is only a head.

Imagine that I'm pointing at myself.

As you can see, the Inflate-A-Pack...

Is new and improved!

What are you doing?

I made a few modifications to your design.

Unlike the Inflate-A-Pack,

the Copter-Pack isn't powered by dangerous, volatile gasses.

We use safe, renewable propeller power

to make carrying this 500 pound pack a breeze!

Try it on for size!

(groans)

Ah!

Ew!

It's in my mouth! Gross!

Lexi, you're not just a head?

I was wondering how you got your makeup on.

Yes, that's what I was wondering.

This thing is amazing.

Does someone else want to try?

Whoa!

(all screaming)

Careful, Gibson! The propeller's going to hit the ceiling!

(exclaims)

-(crashing) -(screams)

My legs! I think they're broken!

Nice try, Lexi. You're faking.

What are you talking about?

You're just crying wolf.

No, I'm not!

Wolf! Wolf! Help me!

Who knew the bag full of bats was your good idea?

Order now and receive a free fork sharpener.

Chyna, I can't tell you how sorry I am.

I let my ego get in the way of everything.

The truth is

no idea is more important than our friendship.

I hope you can find it somewhere deep in your heart

to forgive my unacceptable behavior.

Oh, Olive, that was beautiful.

Of course I forgive you.

Tired of those awkward apologies you'd rather not make

but society says you must?

Let the latest in advanced robotics technology

do it for you with the Apologiz-o-tron!

Wow, this product is going to make us a billion dollars!

So, when you apologized in the hallway, it wasn't sincere?

It was just a pre-programmed machine?

I can't believe you, Olive.

I am so sorry, Chyna. Please forgive me.

Okay.

The Apologiz-o-tron!

Order now.