Original subtitles

Oh, I'm so excited. Grease is my favorite musical.

The costumes, the songs...

The male chauvinism.

What?

The play is completely sexist. The men treat the women like doormats.

It's like it takes place in the 1950s!

(sighs) It does take place in the 1950s.

Oh. Carry on then.

(chuckles)

(mimics car engine revving)

Hey, what's cookin', good lookin'?

You know, you don't have to stay in character

when we're not on stage, Jared.

Who's Jared? I'm Danny Zuko.

Ruffian. Drag racer supreme. King of the streets.

King of the streets?

Your mom drives you to school every morning.

Sandy. You. Me. Dance floor. Now.

Nice. Ordering a woman around like she's your dog.

What a delightful throwback.

If you want me, I'll be in the 21st century,

enjoying women's rights.

Look at Jared making his move on Chyna.

They don't even have chemistry.

She and I do.

Third period. With Mrs. Sterling.

I still can't believe Chyna got the lead.

I've always been the lead! I can't play Rizzo.

She's a mean, manipulative brunette.

I'm nothing like that. I'm blonde.

Okay, let's take it from the top!

Remember Zimbaldi's five keys to acting.

Acting, energy, commitment, choices,

acting, energy, acting, and acting!

Stop in the name of the law! The theater law!

Who are you and what are you doing here?

The name's French. Samuel French.

I work for the company that licenses plays,

and I was informed you are using Grease . Hmm?

Without paying for the rights.

-Is that true? -Yes, it is, missy.

What's happening here is more wrong than eating carbs after 7:00 p.m.

As of this moment, this production is shut down!

What? You can't do that. The play's on Friday!

We've been rehearsing this all year!

Tough tiaras, cookie. This is the theater law.

The most important law there is.

Other than like, maybe, murder law.

How did you even find out about this?

We received an anonymous tip.

It was Lexi Reed. Ooh, I'm such a gossip.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Doo, doo ♪

♪ Doo, doo ♪

- ♪ Doo, doo ♪ -Whoo!

♪ Everybody's got that thing ♪

♪ Something different we all bring ♪

♪ Don't you let 'em clip your wings ♪

♪ You got it, you got it ♪

♪ We're on fire and we blaze ♪

♪ In extraordinary ways ♪

♪ 365 days ♪

♪ We got it, we got it ♪

♪ You can dream it ♪

♪ You can be it ♪

♪ If you can feel it ♪

♪ You can believe it ♪

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

Whoo!

What are you doing, Gibson?

I was in the men's room taking a shower.

Gotta stay fresh!

But the men's room doesn't have a shower.

Oh, I just use a urinal and hand soap.

You do know the bathroom has a sink, right?

Ugh, sinks are filthy.

People wash their hands in them.

Hey, here's a crazy idea. Why don't you shower at your house?

Actually, I've been living at school for the past week,

ever since Nana had her new husband, Bob, move in.

What's so bad about Bob?

He wants me to call him "Grandpa."

I wouldn't call Bob "Grandpa" if he were the last man on Earth.

Mostly because if he were the last man on Earth, I would be dead.

Why don't you just find your own place?

You're a grown man.

(squeaking and cooing)

On paper, at least.

I'm trying, but I can only afford $500 a month.

Five hundred a month?

Hmm...

I think I might know a place.

It's beautiful, but is there a lot of street noise?

No, none at all. It's really quiet.

Oh, that won't work for me.

I can't sleep unless there's a lot of street noise.

It's incredibly noisy.

I thought you said, "Are there a lot of cheese toys?"

Okay, good. Next question.

Are there a lot of cheese toys?

Because I love cheese toys.

Mr. Zimbaldi, we can't cancel the musical.

This is my one chance to sing in public.

What about that time you sang "Dynamite" at my party?

And when you sang "Unstoppable" in the hallway?

I mean, this is one of the few moments you're not singing in public.

Mr. Zimbaldi, I've been looking forward to the musical all year.

Can't you just write a new play?

If I could write a play, do you think I'd be a high school teacher?

What if I write it?

Why does she get to write it and not me?

Hey! Danny Zuko wants to write it!

Would you stop? We're not even doing that play anymore!

(Zimbaldi) Tell you what.

We'll do this democratically.

Everyone will pitch their ideas to me and I will unilaterally pick the winner

without any input from anyone else.

I'm pretty sure that's not what "democratically" means.

If I knew what words meant, do you think I'd be a high school teacher?

Okay, first up. Fletcher Quimby.

My play combines two classics.

Fiddler on the Roof , and Batman.

I present to you, Riddler On The Roof.

Riddler! How did you get into the Bat Village?

Riddle me this, Tevye!

When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!

Again with the riddles!

I never know what you're talking about!

I'm saying I want to marry your daughter, the lovely Chynala.

I've loved her ever since her Bat Mitzvah.

In that case, I propose a toast.

To life!

In prison! For you!

My play is the sequel to Annie,

where she's old and living in a retirement home.

It's called Grannie.

Don't worry, Sandy.

I'm sure my son will come visit me tomorrow.

(piano playing)

Mildred! Enough with the piano!

Since the orphanage,

every time someone says the word "tomorrow"

you start with that stupid song!

I'm sick of it!

And you cheat at canasta!

Mr. Zimbaldi,

I know everybody else's ideas were half-baked vanity projects,

but I know that mine is different.

I present to you The Lexi King.

Mrs. Reed, you've given birth to the most beautiful baby

in the history of the entire world.

She's a gift, not just to you,

but to all humanity.

Thank you, Doctor.

I shall name her Lexi!

(dramatic music playing)

I propose that we put on Grease !

Forget it.

I am not getting into another slap fight with Samuel French.

No. Greece, as in Ancient Greece.

Birthplace of democracy, philosophy,

and most importantly, breaking plates.

I love it!

Chyna, you'll be the female lead, Jared, you'll be the male lead.

-(both) What? -(Zimbaldi) This is perfect!

I mean, we already have the Grease tickets,

and posters printed up, and your version is one letter off.

Well, actually, it's two letters off.

If I knew how to spell,

do you think I'd be a high school teacher?

Yeah, so my parents are totally cool with you renting our living room.

So cool that I didn't even tell them.

Oh, and you just might want to make the check out to me.

Can I pay you in cash? I don't believe in banks.

Not even blood banks.

I just give bleeding people bags of loose blood myself.

-(car door shuts) -Gibson, quick!

Let's play hide-and-seek.

You hide underneath the sofa cushion and I'll look for you.

Okay, but you'll never find me!

Okay, here I go!

Where's Gibson? Where's Gibson?

I don't know.

-Where is he? -I don't know.

-Hey, Dad! What's up? -Hey, Cam.

I thought I heard you talking to someone.

Oh, no. That was just me practicing my...

ventriloquism.

Really? You do ventriloquism?

You even move your lips when you read.

Okay, let me hear.

I've named my dummy

-Gibson. -What?

Gibson?

(Gibson) What?

Isn't Gibson the name of that curly-haired weirdo

from the A.N.T. Farm?

That's me!

Hey, Gibson! How you doing?

It's dark in here!

I'm scared!

Where are the cheese toys?

(laughs) Not bad. I can't see your lips move.

-(laughing) -(Gibson screams)

You weigh a ton!

Get off me, lardo!

Hey, you tell your sock to put a sock in it!

Hey, Olive, I read your version of Greece.

And it's great!

But I do have a few notes.

Notes? You have notes?

(chuckling) No, no.

Just one page. Okay?

Okay, first of all,

there are all these long speeches

where characters talk directly to the audience.

Those are called "theatrical asides."

They're a classical device

where characters reveal their true inner feelings.

Can you believe she's pitching an idea

where a character breaks the reality of the play

and speaks directly to the viewer?

I mean, it just... It makes no sense!

Chyna, I can still hear you.

Okay, next note.

Given it's the annual musical,

I was thinking it might be good if it maybe had some music in it.

I guess I could add a killer acoustic panpipe solo

in the 20 minute ode to Poseidon.

Okay.

I was thinking maybe something a little more contemporary.

Instead of the traditional version of Aphrodite,

we'll have Afro-dite!

I'm foxy Afro-dite, goddess of soul,

and I'm going to do a little "Showtime for the Apollos."

(laughs)

Apollo, Mrs. Apollo, enjoy the show.

(disco music)

♪ Gonna boogie down ♪

♪ There ain't no stoppin' us ♪

♪ There's a party goin' on At the Disco Acropolis! ♪

Oh, and instead of Zeus, we'll have...

Jay-Zeus.

(rapping) ♪ Jay to the Zeus ♪

♪ Rocks the ones and the twos ♪

♪ Got rhymes from alphas to zetas ♪

♪ And thunder for all of the haters ♪

♪ Pack lightning for those who dissent ♪

♪ Mount Olympus y'all, represent! ♪

(clears her throat)

First of all, they didn't rap in ancient Greece.

And second, who raps without punctuating it

by saying, "Holla"?

Y'all see what I have to deal with?

Writers. (scoffs)

Unbelievable.

Hey, Jared.

Sorry. I mean, Zeus.

Approach.

Great news.

Olive and I made some changes to the play and added songs.

I think you're gonna love it.

Changes? The mighty Zeus doesn't do changes.

You have way more lines.

Love it! Brilliant work!

Chyna is totally going to fall for her leading man.

Jared even looks good in that stupid beard.

I can't even grow one of those mustaches

that looks like sweat.

I don't want this play to go on either.

If I can't be the lead, there won't be any play at all.

What are you suggesting?

Ordinarily, I would have Chyna meet with an unfortunate accident,

but everyone would know it was me.

But if we get rid of Jared, the play will still be canceled,

and everyone will think it was you.

We both win.

Except you. You get suspended.

That's genius!

Are you sure this the best way to sabotage Jared?

I don't know. I saw an infomercial for this hypnosis kit

and felt strangely compelled to buy it.

Just go.

Hey, Jared. Check out this new watch Fletcher got.

Show me, mortal!

Cool, isn't it?

You are getting very sleepy.

(snoring)

You are now under my power.

Heretic! The mighty Zeus cannot be vexed.

The mighty Zeus is all-powerful.

The mighty Zeus has to go finish his math homework.

What the... Gibson, what did you do with the couch?

I sold it to pay for the bunk bed.

My roommate needed somewhere to sleep.

You have a roommate?

Yeah. To help pay the rent.

But don't worry. I did a background check

and all seven of his identities came up clean.

(sighs) Gibson, are you crazy?

When my dad sees this, he's going to flip!

Ooh, I love gymnastics.

-(car door closing) -Good, then let's see you tumble.

(grunts)

Hey, Cameron.

-Hey, Dad. -I'm exhausted.

I was tracking this identity thief, but he keeps changing addresses.

Anyway, I just want to relax and watch some TV.

Why are there cheese toys all over the place?

Ow!

Are you okay?

-Do you need blood? -Whoa!

Cameron, tell me what's going on. Now!

All right, fine.

Gibson's been staying in the living room.

I've been charging him $500 rent. I'm sorry.

You should be.

Renting out the living room for $500?

What's wrong with you?

We have a view of the Golden Gate Bridge, man!

We could get at least 1200!

Twelve hundred?

For a place without a urinal shower?

We're out of here. Come on, Wacky.

What are we going to do? The play is about to start.

Wait, I have a wacky idea.

Wacky! I just saw three little pigs in the hallway.

(clears throat)

Parents and students, welcome to the annual school musical.

With no further ado, Zimbaldi Productions presents

a Zimbaldi production of Zimbaldi's Greece !

Welcome to Mount Olympus.

I am the mighty Zeus!

God of sky, thunder, and...

Zeus lightning!

Ah... We're going to take a brief intermission.

Feel free to buy a T-shirt in the lobby.

All major credit cards accepted.

The mighty Zeus is all-powerful.

Well, I guess the play can't go on.

Oh, no!

This is the worst news ever!

No! There is no way we're canceling this.

We already canceled the first Grease.

We cannot cancel the second Greece

because there's no other way to spell "Greece."

Sorry, we have no one to take over his role.

Or do we?

What?

(feedback) Or do we?

♪ Grecian lovin' It's two thousand B.C. ♪

♪ Grecian lovin' It's all Greek to me ♪

♪ Grecian lovin' I look like a goddess ♪

♪ Grecian lovin' Oh, don't be so modest ♪

♪ Our love is real and nothing is better ♪

♪ We go together Like olives and feta ♪

♪ The bells will chime ♪

♪ And joy will be spreading ♪

♪ Soon we'll have A Big Fat Greek Wedding ♪

I now pronounce you God and Goddess.

You may kiss the bride.

Yeah.

(both) Opa!

I loved it! I loved it!

I loved it! I loved it! I loved it! I loved it!

Spoiler alert. I loved it!

You know, Sammy,

if you loved Greece , you'll love my musical

about a large Austrian family stuck in an elevator.

It's called The Sound of Muzak.

(elevator music playing)

(metal banging)

Oh, no! We are von trapped in this elevator!

Yes, we are on 16. We need to go to 17.

I smell Tony! Walk with me.

(groans)