Original subtitles

(Chyna) Previously on A.N.T. Farm...

Hi, I'm Chyna Parks.

Winning America Needs Talent would be a dream come true.

This is incredible!

For the first time in America Needs Talent history,

two people from the same school made the finals.

Two people? Who's the other one?

Lextraordinary's going to kill it in Hollywood!

I can't wait to get to LA!

Me, too.

I'm trying to get on that game show, The Brainy Bunch.

Why are we stopped here?

It's walrus spawning season.

(screaming)

Interacting with a walrus is illegal in the township of Solvang!

Please, officer.

While your windmill jail is charming and quaint, you have to let us go.

I'm a contestant on America Needs Talent.

(Cameron) We can't escape through here.

Next time I have the chance to win a national talent contest,

we are taking the freeway. Agreed?

Agreed.

-Agreed. -Agreed.

Don't tell me what to do.

♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo ♪

-♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo ♪ -Whoo!

♪ Everybody's got that thing Something different we all bring ♪

♪ Don't you let 'em clip your wings You got it, you got it ♪

♪ We're on fire and we blaze In extraordinary ways ♪

♪ 365 days We got it, we got it ♪

♪ If you can dream it ♪

♪ You can be it ♪

♪ If you can feel it ♪

♪ You can believe it ♪

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

Whoo!

Yo! Welcome to America Needs Talent!

I'm killin' it backstage in Hollywood

as the contestants arrive!

From crooners to contortionisters, we've got it all.

Like this guy here, who creeps me out.

They call me The Great Panini!

Big deal. A quarter.

What am I supposed to do with ten cents?

Whoa!

I could do all my laundry with this. Kidding! I don't do laundry.

I'm super rich and I don't wear a lot of shirts.

Anyway, it looks like we're missing just one contestant.

Tween singing sensation Chyna Parks.

She's missing?

I mean... (gasps) She's missing?

(panting) I'm here.

-Whoa! -I'm here!

-Oh! -Why do you smell like fish?

And why are you covered in oil?

-(screaming) -(screaming)

Over here!

Mommy!

-Can't you guys just jump down? -I...

-Don't... -Think...

So.

-It's... -Going...

-Too... -Fast.

Okay, maybe there's a way to stop it.

You'll each be able to hop off near the ground.

Ooh! There's a shut off switch on the other side of the gate!

(grunts) I can't quite reach it.

But I can almost fit through the bars.

-Just... -Make...

-Yourself... -Slippery!

Slippery? With what?

"Pickled herring packed in oil"?

Oh!

-We couldn't take the freeway! -And miss this?

-(yelling) -Whee!

Okay.

You can do this.

America Needs Talent. America Needs Talent.

(screaming)

(screaming)

(gasps)

Oh!

Okay.

Okay.

(grunts) Oh, yes!

(power switches off)

Aw, the ride's over?

Again! Again!

I saved a fish from drowning

in an oil spill.

The viewer votes are in and only four of you

will move on to the final round.

It's time to say goodbye to Paula the Pretzel,

-Musical Mike. -(instruments clattering)

Hat Man,

and Kung Fu Granny.

Didn't even feel it!

I do 200 face crunches every morning.

Well, it looks like the viewers will choose between

The Great Panini.

-(audience applauds) -Lexi Reed,

Jugglin' Jehoshaphat,

and our youngest contestant ever, Chyna Parks!

I am so proud of Chyna.

Huh?

The viewers don't know this,

but I've personally taken Chyna under my wing

so that someday she can be as talented as I am.

Maybe not this year.

I hope with my help, she'll have her day.

Again, not this year.

I didn't know you were so close.

Neither did I.

Tell you what. We'll call the hotel

and make sure that you two can room together.

That way, our audience can share in your behind-the-scenes fun.

(both) What?

What a great idea!

I would love to room with my best friend.

What kind of hug is that, best friend?

Come on, bring it in!

Whoa, what are you doing with all those word boxes?

They're called books.

And I'm studying in case I get on that game show.

Okay. Roman Emperors.

Tiberius, Caligula, Nero...

His name is Nemo,

and he's not an emperor.

He's a fish who has adventures.

-This game show is important. -How about you let me do your makeup?

Have you heard of the drop cloth technique?

La-la-la! Not listening.

Keeping my head free of useless information.

A little extra powder under the eyes during application

to catch any eye makeup fallout.

Are you done?

(computer beeps)

I just got an email from The Brainy Bunch!

I'm going to be a contestant!

One time I ate at a deli-contestant.

Wait. It's partner's week?

I need a partner?

Where am I going to find anyone?

Everyone's busy! Except...

The TV isn't working!

See? The picture's frozen.

Now I'll never find out what happens to that bowl of fruit.

Good morning!

Wow!

You guys get up early, huh?

What's going on?

(screaming)

I look as good first thing in the morning as I always do!

Me and my best friend Chyna just like to play ghost.

-(thudding) -Ow!

I mean, oooh!

I'm going to go hit the gym. By which I mean my cousin,

Jimmy the Gym Giamatti. He owes me 30 bucks.

Okay. Well, I'm going to take a shower.

See if I can get the rest of this oil off.

I slipped out of bed 15 times last night.

(shower running)

Guess what! I'm going to be on a game show!

If you want to know if you're smarter than a fifth grader,

you're not.

Anyway, help me search the room. I have to find out what Chyna is singing

-on the show tomorrow. -Why?

I'm scheduled to perform before Chyna.

If I sing her song first, I'll steal her thunder and she'll look like a fool.

I know what she's going to sing on the show.

You do? What? What is it?

A song!

According to this star map,

Johnny Depp lives right...

in those bushes.

Come on!

What are all these people standing in line for?

A bacon truck.

"Getting Piggy With It."

The bacon truck! This place is famous!

But there are like a million people in line.

We got to do something. They have a double bacon sandwich

where the bread is more bacon!

Lexi, what are you doing?

Just putting your clothes away for you.

Oh, well, thanks, Lexi.

I've been so focused rehearsing my song.

So, what are you going to sing?

Probably a song you've already done before, like...

Dynamite.

You're singing Dynamite?

Oh, no, I meant my song's going to be dynamite.

But not the song Dynamite.

The song will be dynamite, but will not be Dynamite.

(sighs) It's going to be exceptional.

You're singing Exceptional?

No. I meant my dynamite song that isn't Dynamite is going to be exceptional.

Not the song Exceptional, but it will be exceptional.

You'll see. It'll be beautiful.

Okay, fine, don't tell me.

But I will tell you one thing.

It's going to be crazy and out there.

These days you got to do something really shocking to make an impression.

Like Lady Gaga.

Huh.

And everything is in here.

The song, the dance moves, the costume design.

(sighs) Well, I'm going to go down to the restaurant.

You want anything?

No, thanks.

Everything I need is right here.

If you're not hungry, you could've told me without being ominous.

(door shuts)

(gasps) Wow, this is shocking.

(gasps)

But not as shocking as this.

Okay. Yesterday, the truck left before we got any bacon,

but today, failure is not an option.

This is LA. Maybe a celebrity will come by and distract everyone.

Why wait?

I'm a dead ringer for a celebrity.

Look, everyone! It's Oprah Winfrey!

(crowd cheering)

Who wants some bacon?

Well, you don't have to stand in line

because each of you are getting your very own bacon truck!

-(crowd cheering) -You get a bacon truck!

You get a bacon truck! You all get a bacon truck!

Whoo!

Now, your bacon trucks will be waiting for you

in the long-term parking at Long Beach Airport!

This way! It's this way! Go this way!

Go! Whoo!

Looks like we're next in line after this kid.

-Oh, hey, guys! -Angus?

What are you doing in Los Angeles?

Dude, bacon truck.

I'll start with a bowl of bacon chowder

in a bacon bowl.

Chinese bacon salad, a bacon burrito with bacon salsa.

Ooh! Spaghetti and bacon balls!

(audience cheering)

And welcome back to The Brainy Bunch!

I'm your host, Barry Williams.

Okay, Paisley, remember,

let me answer all of the questions.

We've met our contestants, so let's start the game with this question!

What mythological creature

is a composite of half man half horse?

So easy.

Paisley, go ahead.

What is cotton candy?

(buzzer buzzes)

I am sorry. That is incorrect.

You don't have to answer in the form of a question.

Oh, I wasn't answering.

I was just wondering what cotton candy is.

Seriously, I have no idea.

My mom!

(buzzer buzzing)

I like cookies!

(buzzer buzzing)

Yup! It's still working!

(buzzer buzzing)

You look familiar.

Were you on The Partridge Family?

Oh! This is it. Our big night.

And if I can't win, I hope you do.

And if I can't win, I hope the building burns down.

-I'm kidding. -Oh.

So, I cannot wait to see what you have planned.

Probably something incredibly original

that no one will have ever seen before.

Well, I think what I'm going to do

is really going to surprise some people.

Oh, it'll be a surprise.

A big surprise.

Yeah, that's what I just said.

Why you talking all evil like?

-(buzzer sounds) -I'm terribly sorry, Paisley.

I was looking for Roman Emperor Nero.

Not, "Where am I?"

"Where am I?"

I don't know either!

The game's not over yet though.

Olive and Paisley can still pull ahead and win the 50,000 dollars

with the final jackpot question.

We'll be back right after these messages.

True!

Listen, this is important.

When the host asks the final question, do not press the buzzer.

-But... -No matter what,

under any circumstances,

even if the world is being attacked by aliens,

and your buzzer can activate a force field to save mankind.

Do not press the buzzer!

-Got it. -Here's a test.

If your name is Paisley, press the buzzer.

Did you not press because I told you not to, or you forgot your name is Paisley?

Doesn't matter. Works either way. Just don't buzz.

Welcome back to The Brainy Bunch,

for the final jackpot question.

The category is cosmetics.

Oh, Sherwood Schwartz!

What application technique uses a little extra powder under the eyes

to catch any makeup fallout?

Ooh, I know this one!

Buzz in. Seriously, press the buzzer!

-You said not to. -I know!

Now I'm saying, press the buzzer!

This is another one of your tests.

It's not a stinkin' test! Buzz in!

Come on, buzz, you can buzz. Come on, buzz. Buzz!

Buzz! Buzz!

All right, Paisley. Tell the nice man

about the eye powder thingy.

Actually, I'm going to need the answer from you, Olive.

But Paisley buzzed.

No, you buzzed Paisley's buzzer.

I didn't. She buzzed her buzzer.

Paisley, answer the buzzing question!

Olive, you have five seconds to answer the question.

If you are incorrect, your opponents will win the 50,000 dollars!

Uh...

-Lipstick? -(buzzer buzzing)

No!

The Drop Cloth technique!

Jeff and Rachel, you win the 50,000 dollars.

Bacon ice-cream with hot bacon sauce.

Oh, and a side of bacon.

Guys, get up! I'm done ordering.

Out of my way, I'm ordering first! Whoo! Hoo!

Sold out? Are you kidding me?

Don't worry.

Their stuff's not even that good.

Yo, taxi!

San Francisco, please.

Our next finalist is San Francisco's own Lexi Reed!

(audience applauding)

♪ Donut make you sad ♪

♪ Donut make you cry ♪

♪ When the person you love ♪

♪ Up and says goodbye ♪

♪ I'm feeling so plain ♪

♪ I'm feeling old-fashioned ♪

♪ Life's kind of stale ♪

♪ My days have no passion ♪

♪ There's a hole in my life ♪

♪ I've lost my twinkle ♪

♪ It hurts so bad Right here in my sprinkle ♪

♪ But now I'm moving on To better days ♪

♪ I'll powder my nose ♪

♪ I'll put on some glaze ♪

♪ My pain's a day old ♪

♪ No, I won't be a quitter ♪

♪ Someone will love This sweet apple fritter ♪

♪ It feels better now, donut? ♪

Wow! That performance makes me want a bear claw.

An actual bear claw so I could scratch out my eyes.

Anyway, time to take a little break.

Remember to call and text in your votes!

Ha! Let's see what people think when you do the exact same...

Wait.

You're not a donut.

You look gorgeous!

Thank you, Lexi.

I don't understand. I stole your song.

No. You stole the fake song I left for you to steal

after I heard you tell Paisley your plan.

That glass to the wall thing, it really works.

Welcome back to Yo, I'm from Jer...

I mean, America Needs Talent!

It's confusing being so successful in the arts.

How could you do this to me?

You did it to yourself.

You're really talented, Lexi.

You should've just done your own song.

What if it wasn't as good as yours?

See?

All you ever do is worry about what I'm doing.

Since I came to Webster High, you've seen me as a threat

and tried to make me feel small.

Up next, pint-sized singing sensation, Chyna Parks!

(audience cheering)

Well, here's what I have to say to that.

(music playing)

♪ Every day is so wonderful ♪

♪ Then suddenly it's hard to breathe ♪

♪ Now and then I get insecure ♪

♪ From all the pain I'm so ashamed ♪

♪ I am beautiful No matter what they say ♪

♪ Words can't bring me down ♪

♪ I am beautiful In every single way ♪

♪ Yes, words can't bring me down ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ So don't you bring me down today ♪

♪ To all your friends you're delirious ♪

♪ So consumed in all your doom ♪

♪ You are beautiful No matter what they say ♪

♪ Words can't bring you down ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ You are beautiful In every single way ♪

♪ Yes, words can't bring you down ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ So, don't you bring me down today ♪

(audience cheering)

Don't look at me!

I got spray tan in my eye!

Chyna, that was amazing!

-Thanks, I just really... -You really think I'm beautiful?

You sang an entire song about how I'm beautiful.

Well... sure.

Why not?

And just remember, Lexi, we can both shine.

There's plenty of room for the two of us.

(groaning)

Well, the votes are in and America has chosen.

And no surprise,

the winner of America Needs Talent is...

(drum roll)

The Great Panini!

(applause)

The Great Panini is just my stage name.

To most, I am known as...

(audience gasps)

...Gibson!

Gibson? You're an amazing magician!

But you were terrible at the tryouts.

That's why I auditioned again in Seattle as The Great Panini.

By the way, people get really freaked out

when you wear a straitjacket on the bus.

That trick you did sawing yourself in half was incredible!

-How'd you do it? -Oh!

A magician never reveals his secrets.

Well, I guess we're going back to San Francisco.

Yeah.

Do you need both your suitcases?