Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

(chuckles)

Welcome to Pop Goes The Diva.

I'm your host, Chyna Parks.

Tonight, I'd like to introduce you to a rising star.

Give it up for Chyna Parks!

Whoo! Chyna! We love you!

It's great to be here, Chyna.

Thanks for coming, Chyna.

What are you going to sing for us today?

Well, pick any item in the room!

I'll write a smash song about it.

How about a soccer ball?

Great idea!

Soccer ball it is.

♪ Kick me ♪

♪ That's right I'm a soccer ball ♪

♪ Incredibly round ♪

♪ That's right I'm a soccer ball ♪

♪ I'm black and white Like a cow, cow, cow ♪

♪ When you kick me I... ♪

(thudding) Ow! Ow! Ow!

(exclaims)

Oh, good. You're done.

I need the computer.

I'm making another movie.

(sighs) Please don't tell me it's a sequel

to the one you did with the talking oysters.

You mean The Seashell Network?

(Cameron) If you guys were the inventors of Fishbook,

you'd have invented Fishbook.

Did you know one oyster played both parts?

Anyway, my new movie is even better.

Bananatar!

Uh-oh! One of your leads refuses to work with you.

She'll be in her trailer. Also known as my stomach.

(laughs)

♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo ♪

Whoo!

♪ Everybody's got that thing ♪

♪ Something different we all bring ♪

♪ Don't you let 'em clip your wings ♪

♪ You got it, you got it ♪

♪ We're on fire and we blaze ♪

♪ In extraordinary ways ♪

♪ 365 days ♪

♪ We got it, we got it ♪

♪ You can dream it ♪

♪ You can be it ♪

♪ If you can feel it ♪

♪ You can believe it ♪

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

Whoo!

(upbeat music playing)

Okay, class, listen up.

I will be filling in since your regular Home Ec teacher, Mrs. Nateman,

had her baby last night.

So, she's at home "resting," or as I like to call it, "goofing off."

We made a card.

Would you like to sign it?

No. Babies can't read.

Instead of following these boring notes Nateman left,

we're gonna make things interesting

with a Home Ec face-off.

Isn't that gonna hurt?

We'll be competing in sewing, cooking, and cleaning.

So pair up.

The winning couple will receive...

A snowman made of donuts?

No. What's wrong with you?

The winning team will receive a $50 gift card.

Hey, Olive, want to team up?

Sure. Interesting story about sewing.

The threaded needle dates back to Central Asia in 40,000 BC,

when they were made out of bone, antler, ivory, and wood.

Fletcher, do you have a partner yet?

Nope. Not at all. No one.

Terrific.

Now no one decent will be left to team up with.

Not true, angel face.

Oh, boy.

This will be great practice for when we're actually married in the future.

Here's a save the date card.

This is tomorrow!

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to welcome you to a special screening

of my latest film, Bananatar!

No bananas were harmed during the making of this film.

Except the one I used to make this banana split.

I'll hold that for you.

And here we go.

♪ Incredibly round ♪

♪ That's right I'm a soccer ball ♪

♪ I'm black and white Like a cow, cow, cow ♪

♪ When you kick me, I... ♪

(thudding) Ow! Ow! Ow!

(students laughing)

Cameron! How could you do this?

Sorry, I guess I put the wrong video online.

This is on the Internet?

Here's your banana back.

I don't eat fruit. (groans)

So, the first competition is going to be sewing.

Your assignment is to make a dress.

Something stylish and eye-catching

that I can wear to my niece's wedding

and steal focus from her.

Wow. You're really good at this.

And I like that material.

I have a shirt just like that.

While you're at it, honey, you mind sewing up my sock?

Get that thing out of my face before I cut it off

and reattach it to your forehead!

You hear that, everyone?

My wife's gonna be a surgeon.

Hey. Less talking and more sewing.

And remember, I'm going to be modeling your designs myself.

Very funny.

Why isn't she melting?

(sighs)

A bacon dress?

And you are sizzling!

Why do I get the feeling this is how Angus always sees me?

Wow! Our dress really gives you an hourglass figure.

Hmm. I like it.

It makes me look stylish and punctual.

Paisley, Fletcher, you win round one.

(gasps)

You two who made the witch's costume,

you get an hour of detention, starting now!

(telephone rings)

Hello?

Hi. I'm calling about a video you posted online.

If this is the Avatar people,

I thought of Bananatar first.

I should be suing you.

Actually, I'm calling about the video of Chyna singing.

I'm a music producer, and I think she's got an awesome voice.

I'd like to get in touch with her manager.

Her manager?

Well, actually...

That would be me!

I can't believe I'm actually meeting with a music producer.

This is so exciting!

Well, just remember it was your manager

who made it all happen for you, baby.

No need to thank me. I'll be fine with your 15%.

Ten percent.

Five percent.

Yeah, I'm not sure I want you negotiating for me.

Oh.

(doorbell rings)

Doorbell app. Knocking's for chumps.

The name's Oswald, but everyone calls me Hippo.

Oh! Because you dress super hip and your name starts with an "O"?

No, because I'm fat.

And I like to sink down in the hot tub with just my eyes showing like this.

So, Cameron told me you like my song.

Yeah. I can't get it out of my head.

♪ Tonight, I'm unstoppable ♪

Unstoppable!

That's right. Those are the lyrics.

Some people think I'm saying "soccer ball,"

but obviously it's "unstoppable."

So, should we talk video?

Sure, but first, can I get you something to drink?

You got any gravy?

Uh, no.

It's okay. I brought my own.

-Yeah? -Mmm-mmm.

Round two of the competition, cleaning skills.

I want this floor so spotless I can see my reflection in it.

Ew! Why would you want to see that?

Just clean the room!

(sniffs) Ugh!

Why does this cleanser smell so bad?

I don't know. I grabbed it from the supply closet.

That's a refrigerator.

And this is Parmesan cheese!

Then what did I put on my spaghetti?

(hiccups)

Where is Angus? He's supposed to be helping me.

-(machinery whirring) -(Angus) I'm here, honeypie.

What the heck!

Check out my industrial floor scrubber!

Where did you get that?

My parents said if I stopped eating whole pizzas,

they'd buy me anything I wanted.

I asked for a pizza oven.

This was my second choice.

Angus, what do you think you're doing?

(gasps) Oh, my goodness, this floor is so clean!

This round goes to Olive and Angus.

What?

(hiccups)

Yes! We won!

Okay. Next round is cooking.

Let's make pizzas.

(crashing)

You know, I probably should have put it in park.

(Skidmore) Get this off of me!

Quick! Get her magic shoes before her legs shrivel up!

(doorbell ringing repeatedly)

So, I downloaded that doorbell app.

It cost 40 bucks, but it was totally worth it.

I made Dad answer the door all morning.

(knocking on door)

Knocking app.

What happened to your doorbell app?

Knocking's very in right now. Doorbells are for chumps.

Yeah. Totally.

So, Hippo, I want to talk to you about my song.

Yeah, yeah, we'll get to that.

But I wanted to tell you I changed your name.

You're welcome.

-What? -Cool name!

"You're Welcome."

It lets the fans know they're welcome to come to her concerts,

to buy T-shirts...

Her name's not You're Welcome. That's stupid.

Yeah, Cameron, that's stupid.

Her name is String Cheese.

What?

Okay, I don't think I want to change my name.

Can I have a word with my client?

You need to chill out, String Cheese.

Let's remember what's important here.

When opportunity uses a knocking app, you answer.

Maybe you're right.

The music's what's important.

Okay.

Okay, can we talk about the song?

Yup! It's done.

I wrote this up in the tub last night. Hippo-style.

But, I worked on my song.

Well, that was a waste of time.

Yeah, that's what I told her.

I said, "Don't waste your time, String Cheese.

We're doing this Hippo-style."

All right, blind my ears with your throat lasers.

What?

Sing the song. How much clearer could I have been?

Okay, I guess I could give it a try.

♪ 11:58, and I'm looking at the clock ♪

♪ Stomach's growling Like a zombie peacock ♪

I'm sorry, that can't be right.

No, no. Keep going! I'm feeling you!

Yeah, feeling you!

(sighs)

♪ But now it's lunchtime ♪

♪ Lunchtime ♪

♪ Can't wait for lunchtime ♪

♪ It's the meal that comes Between brunch and linner ♪

Okay. So this whole song's just about lunch?

Yup. Second highest testing meal of the day.

I'm telling you, "Lunchtime" is going to be huge.

We could win a Gravy for this.

You mean a Grammy?

Yeah, what did I say?

There is my favorite client!

Come on, I'm going to get you to the shoot in style.

Something bigger than a stretch limo.

Is it the bus?

Maybe.

Look, Cameron. I can't sing this "Lunchtime" song.

It's terrible. Listen to these lyrics.

♪ Lunch can be brown, lunch can be yella ♪

♪ I hope I don't get salmonella ♪

What? That rhymes.

Look, I understand you're nervous,

but wait till you see the incredible outfit you're going to wear.

Huh? What do you think?

I think it's a little...

cheesy.

Right. It's a string cheese costume, String Cheese.

Forget it. I am not doing the video.

What? You have to do it.

If you don't show up, we're finished!

People in the music business talk.

I know Hippo does. He has a talking app.

You mean a phone?

Whatever!

What about artistic integrity?

That means nothing to me.

I mean, seriously. I literally have no idea what that means.

It means I'm not selling out.

Chyna, please.

This is my one chance to make something of myself.

You've got a lot going for you.

I don't.

(sighs)

Come on, Cameron. You have plenty going for you.

Well, I do have a sister who loves me.

Aw!

-Got you, String Cheese! -(Chyna shrieks)

Now let's get on the bus!

Forget it! There is no way I am doing that video!

Places, everyone! Chyna, are you ready to go?

Okay, then. "Lunchtime," take one. Playback!

-(music playing) -And action!

♪ 11:58 and I'm looking at the clock ♪

♪ Stomach's growling Like a zombie peacock ♪

♪ Lunch can be brown Lunch can be yella... ♪

Round three, cooking.

So, let's go.

I get cranky when I'm hungry.

You must be hungry all the time.

Zip it.

Okay, Angus, if we win this round, we're the champs.

So, I've got my garlic, my leeks, and...

Where are my avocados?

I don't know, but I think these jelly donuts have gone bad.

Give me that!

Just so you know for when we're married, I'll basically eat anything.

Once I ate a fajita I found on the sidewalk.

At least, I think it was a fajita.

Fajitas have feathers, right?

Okay, our quiche is going to be incredible,

thanks to these fresh eggs I got from my uncle.

Your uncle lays eggs?

No, he has a farm.

Did you preheat the oven?

Well, I tried, but I couldn't figure out

how to fit the oven in the microwave.

Okay, let's get cracking.

-(gasping) -(chirping)

Well, that answers that question.

The egg came first.

Whoa. I better check the other eggs.

Where are the other eggs?

(Skidmore screams)

Fletcher, what is going on here?

(Fletcher) Oh, no! They all hatched and they're getting away!

Well, Fletcher, it's not the first time

I've seen chicks run away from you.

Help me gather them!

(Angus) I've got one!

Angus! Don't put salt on that!

My fajita!

I got one back in! But it may not work.

This is duck tape.

Do we have any chicken tape?

Ah! I found one!

-Oh, great! Let me have it! -It went inside my dress!

Never mind. You can keep it.

Angus, Olive, you win, because if nothing else,

your food did not climb into my clothing.

Oh. Here's your gift card.

But this is for a romantic dinner for two!

Yes!

Forget it. You can eat by yourself.

Yes!

(music playing)

♪ But now it's lunchtime ♪

♪ Lunchtime ♪

♪ Can't wait for lunchtime ♪

♪ It's the meal that comes Between brunch and linner ♪

Cut!

Why? Was there a problem with the lighting?

(sighs) Cameron...

Oh, I hate when fans dress like me in Chyna costumes!

I've thought about it, and I'm willing to do the song.

Clearly it's really,

really important to you.

Thanks, Chyna. I hope I didn't mess things up already.

Look, I see what you're up to.

-You do? -Yeah.

You did all this to show me how ridiculous my song is.

I did?

Yup, and you're right.

I mean, "String Cheese"?

I know I go through dozens of bags a day,

but seeing you dance in that costume,

well, it actually made me lose my appetite.

Me!

Oh, wait, it's back.

Anyway, I think we should do your song.

(laughs excitedly) Really?

Yup. You've got yourself quite a clever manager here.

I do, don't I?

I'd love to hear the other song.

♪ That's right I'm a soccer ball... ♪

Cameron. I think he meant from me.

♪ Hard to take ♪

♪ The days you just can't catch a break ♪

♪ When it brings me down ♪

♪ I get right back up ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm powerful ♪

♪ An incredible ♪

♪ Independent girl ♪

♪ Ready for the world, world, world ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Tonight I'm unstoppable ♪

♪ Incredibly strong ♪

♪ Tonight I'm unstoppable ♪

♪ The world is callin' me out, out, out ♪

♪ Don't wanna whisper wanna shout, shout ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ You know I'm unstoppable ♪

♪ Get out, get out, get out of your head ♪

♪ Get out, get out and live instead ♪

♪ Get out, get out, get out all right ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

I don't think this is actually cheese.

I don't care.

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Tonight I'm unstoppable ♪

♪ Incredibly strong ♪

♪ Tonight I'm unstoppable ♪

♪ The world is callin' me out, out, out ♪

♪ Don't wanna whisper wanna shout, shout ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ You know I'm unstoppable ♪

(all cheering)

Applause app. (chuckles)

Wow! That is a great song.

Unfortunately, I just got a text from my image consultant.

Movies are very in right now.

Music's for chumps.

Do something, manager!

I'm on it.

So, you're looking to invest in a film?

I got something...

(Cameron) There's nothing to worry about.

The Pietanic is unsinkable.

Oh, no! Iceberg lettuce, dead ahead!

(mimicking explosions)

(somber music playing)