Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

Wait. What are these?

Well, the sign said chicken nuggets, but I wouldn't be surprised

if there were some pigeon in there.

No, no, but what happened to the ones shaped like dinosaurs?

I cannot eat these! They're boring!

It'd be like eating applesauce without chopsticks.

(Skidmore) Live, from the cafeteria,

it's the 22nd Webster Wolf Awards!

And now, your host, the lovely, beautiful, and talented...

Principal Skidmore!

(applause)

What's going on?

Skidmore gives out these awards four times a year.

Why? Because she wants to recognize student achievement?

No, because she has all these evening gowns

and no one will ask her on a date.

♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo ♪

Whoo!

♪ Everybody's got that thing ♪

♪ Something different we all bring ♪

♪ Don't you let 'em clip your wings ♪

♪ You got it, you got it ♪

♪ We're on fire and we blaze ♪

♪ In extraordinary ways ♪

♪ 365 days ♪

♪ We got it, we got it ♪

♪ You can dream it ♪

♪ You can be it ♪

♪ If you can feel it ♪

♪ You can believe it ♪

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

Whoo!

(applause)

And for best cheerleader for a supporting role,

the Wacky goes to...

Paisley Houndstooth!

Ha! Yay!

I want to thank all the other cheerleaders

for reminding me there's no "I" in "team".

Because I used to spell it with an "I".

And next up, the Wacky for Best Performance of "Happy Birthday"

Sung to Me on My Birthday goes to...

Chyna Parks!

(applause)

Thank you!

It's an incredible honor to receive this award,

especially given how many years

Principal Skidmore has had "Happy Birthday" sung to her.

-What is it, like 75? -No.

-Eighty? -Sit down!

Wow. Everybody has a trophy except you.

Even the lunch lady.

The show's not over yet.

And the last award of the day

honors someone who has been waiting patiently

for the recognition they so richly deserve.

Oh, here we go.

And the Wacky goes to...

Me! Best Award Show Host!

Thank you! Wait, what?

Hey, Cameron. I got you something.

It's a trophy for Best Zinger.

-Best zinger? -Yeah.

You know how you zing me all the time?

Like the other day I said,

"Nice pimple, Cameron. Looks like your forehead has an on-off button."

And then you said, "That's what you think."

Zinger! In my face!

This says "Best Singer",

and the "S" is changed to a "Z" with a marker.

-Pathetic. -Bam! Another zinger!

You are on fire!

Oh, hey, Mom.

Ow!

Ow!

Sorry, I forgot I was still in my costume.

-How was the party? -Terrible.

In space, no one can hear you scream,

but at a four-year-old's birthday party, that's all you can hear.

Plus, I got frosting on my space pants.

Do you know how much it costs to dry clean this thing?

-Um, 35 bucks? -Thirty-five bucks!

(sighs)

Hey, what are all these trophies for?

Nothing. We had an assembly at school and they gave out awards.

It was stupid.

And you won all of these?

Aw, that's my girl!

(chuckling)

Cameron, baby, did you win anything?

No. Everybody got a trophy but me.

Even that kid who's done 10th grade five times.

Best Moustache.

Stupid Melissa.

Cameron would have won something,

but they didn't have any categories that played to his strengths.

-Right, Cameron? -Right.

(both chuckle)

Wait, what strengths?

Principal Skidmore, can I talk to you?

Not now. I have an important school board meeting to prepare for.

I'm thinking of entering on a horse.

Sorry, but this is urgent.

A terrible injustice has taken place.

Someone has replaced the dinosaur nuggets in the cafeteria

with... With these!

Oh, that was me.

These cost five cents less per ton.

Over the school year, we can save five cents.

But dinosaur nuggets are a paleontology lesson

wrapped up in a bite-sized morsel of breaded goodness!

What are these?

Food. (chuckles)

More or less.

Ugh.

Look, you're the only one who cares,

and it's not my job to make one student happy.

My job is to make all students unhappy.

But I'm not the only one who cares.

In fact, I'll get every kid in school to sign a petition!

Long live the dinosaur nuggets!

(applause)

See? Everyone agrees with me.

No, I just bought a new applause sign.

Okay, Cameron.

Everyone has a special talent and we're going to find yours

by going through this list alphabetically.

First up, aardvark whispering.

You think my talent is training aardvarks?

Well, let's find out.

(screaming)

That's not an aardvark. That's an anteater!

And do you know what anteaters eat? Ants!

It's right in the name!

Cameron, give it a shot.

Okay, boy. Roll over.

Play dead.

(sighing) I stink at this.

What's next on the list?

(exclaiming)

Okay, so it's not Greco-Roman wrestling.

Next up, gymnastics. Can you do a cartwheel?

(panting) Sure.

(crashing)

Cameron, are you okay?

Kind of.

Too bad we already eliminated ballet, because he does look good in a tutu.

I guess we can rule out origami.

I'm not good at anything.

I don't know why you bothered to try, Chyna.

I knew this wasn't going to work before we even started.

Hey!

Maybe that's your special gift.

What is?

You said you knew this wasn't going to work.

Maybe you're psychic!

-Huh. Maybe I am. -(laughs)

Let's check it out. What number am I thinking of?

-Triangle? -Right!

Unbelievable!

"Triangle" isn't even a number.

That's what makes it so unbelievable!

Sorry, but there is no such thing as psychic ability.

I saw an article in the American Psychology Journal, Issue 121...

(chuckles)

I bet you knew Olive was going to say something really boring, didn't you?

I did, now that you mention it. (laughing)

Wow.

Now, close your eyes

and see if you can predict the next Ant

that's gonna walk into the room.

Um... You.

Keeping in mind that I'm already here.

And so is Olive.

And the only other Ant you know the name of

is Fletcher.

Is it... Olive?

(whispering) Just go with it.

Yes! (laughing)

Unbelievable!

Well, Cameron's happy.

He thinks he's psychic, but he's happy.

It's kind of ironic that someone with no future

thinks he can predict the future.

Hey, Paisley. Did you hear the incredible news?

I'm psychic!

Oh, I've known that for years.

But I think it's pronounced "psycho".

No, I can tell what's going to happen before it does.

In fact, I'm getting a vision right now.

I see...

Angus. (gasping)

I see him too!

Maybe I'm psycho!

No, I see him in the future.

He's hurt. Sometime in the next two hours,

he's going to be in a terrible accident!

(exhaling deeply)

Now what? Cameron's gonna realize he's not psychic.

We cannot let that happen.

He'll be even more depressed than he was before.

There's only one thing to do.

-Tell Cameron the truth? -No.

Make sure Angus has an accident.

How? Put his hand in warm water?

Not that kind of accident.

Okay, here comes Angus.

-Hey, Olive. I just sent you a text. -(A.N.T. Pad chimes)

No, I will not marry you.

Whoa!

I almost slipped on these banana peels.

What banana peels? Go on.

-Did you put those there? -(both scoffing)

No, of course not.

Then there must be wild apes loose in the school.

Run for your lives!

Wow! You really can predict the future.

Can somebody help me?

I'm getting another vision...

No one's going to help you.

You are so cool!

Everyone! You have to check this out!

Cameron is a cyclops!

Predict something else!

Okay.

Tomorrow morning at exactly 9:45,

all the power in the school will go out.

What?

It's 9:45.

Why hasn't the power gone out?

I'll try turning them to high.

This isn't high?

(fans accelerating)

(screaming)

(gasps)

(applause)

Hey, Fletcher. How's your dinosaur nugget petition going?

I've only gotten two signatures.

Me and some kid named

"Buzz Offloser."

Angus! Were you hurt that badly?

I'm fine. Just lazy.

So, Angus, will you sign my petition?

I already did.

I'm Buzz Offloser.

-How about you, Olive? -No way.

I'm not some upstart, radical hippie, you agitator!

I love it when she talks crazy.

Well, I don't need you guys. There's a school board meeting tonight.

I'm going to take my message to the masses.

You got another signature.

"Megan Amessinmypants."

I didn't know Miss Amessinmypants' first name was Megan.

Wow, thanks to us, Cameron is actually popular.

No psychic in the world could have seen that coming.

I have a vision.

By the end of the day,

Paisley and her boyfriend Keith are going to break up!

Great. Now what?

No problem.

We just have to find someone to flirt with Keith in front of Paisley

and make her so jealous that she dumps him.

We need someone beautiful, vivacious, irresistible.

I get it. I'm your girl.

You're going to flirt with Keith?

Well, not dressed like this.

Why are you dressed as a superhero?

Men are attracted to powerful women, so it was either this

or dress up like Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor.

Okay. Look. There's Paisley's boyfriend.

Just stick to the script.

Go.

Hey there, big boy.

Why don't I take you somewhere you've never been before?

Like the school library, I'm guessing?

Hey! Stay away from my woman!

(tires screeching)

(crashing)

Keith!

I can't believe you hit this poor Ant's wheelchair with your body!

You are so mean.

We're through.

Wow. Sometimes the power of my raw magnetism frightens me.

Wow, another impressive prediction.

That's 17 today.

You must be pretty happy.

(whimpers)

Are those tears of joy, I hope?

What's the matter? You have an amazing gift.

And Paisley's available now.

Well, it turns out my power isn't just a gift.

It's also a curse.

I just had an awful vision.

Skidmore in a bikini?

Much worse.

Tomorrow morning, an asteroid will strike the earth,

ending all life as we know it.

That's bad, but it's not worse than Skidmore in a bikini.

(sighing) Of all the things to predict,

Cameron had to go with the end of the world?

He's even untalented at having fake talent.

Do we really have to end the world just to keep your brother happy?

Can't we just tell him the truth and get him an ice cream?

Don't worry. We're not going to do anything.

Tomorrow, he'll realize he's not psychic and this whole thing will be over.

Unless...

No, Olive, he's not actually psychic,

and an asteroid is not gonna destroy the planet tomorrow.

Okay. But if it does, that'd be a huge burn on us.

Why is everyone focusing on the money I spent

for the horse I rode in on?

(horse whinnying)

Let's focus on all the money I saved

by replacing the school nurse with this first aid kit.

I can't believe we came here to support Fletcher

and he didn't even show up.

Oh, this was totally worth the wait.

Sixty-five million years ago,

dinosaurs became extinct.

Five days ago,

dinosaur nuggets became extinct,

eliminating the last evidence of the great reptiles' existence.

What about museums?

Okay, the last meaningful evidence.

Does anybody have anything intelligent to say?

I do!

My name is Cameron Parks,

and I can predict the future!

Oh, no.

Citizens of the world!

Tomorrow morning, at half past noon,

an asteroid will strike the Earth

and the world will end in a flaming ball of fire!

Ka-blammo!

I am your only hope to save the planet!

I volunteer to be launched into space

to redirect the asteroid

from its path of destruction.

Cameron,

I have to tell you something.

Not now! I'm saving the human race!

I'll be your space cadet! Blast me off!

I'm wearing a diaper and I'm ready to go!

This is my sister.

She probably just wants to hug me and wish me luck on my mission.

Yeah, not exactly.

Uh, never mind.

I'd like to turn the floor back over to the dinosaur.

Chyna!

You gotta check out this video. It's the greatest thing ever!

(sighs)

If it's the security footage of the day you forgot to wear pants,

I've seen it, and once was more than enough.

No, it's not that. It's your brother from last night, acting all crazy.

(Chyna) Cameron's coming!

-Do not play this on your A.N.T. Pad. -Okay.

Hey, Chyna. I've been thinking,

and I wanted to thank you for trying to make me feel better.

You're a good sister.

Well, I'm sorry it was kind of embarrassing.

It was no big deal. It was a school board meeting.

Only a handful of people saw it.

♪ Citizens of the world ♪

♪ Tomorrow morning...

What are you doing?

You said not to play it on my A.N.T. Pad.

♪ An asteroid will strike the earth Earth ♪

♪ And the world will end In a flaming ball of fire ♪

♪ Ka-blammo K-k-ka-blammo ♪

♪ I'll be your space cadet, blast me off ♪

♪ I'll be your space cadet, blast me off ♪

♪ I'm wearing a diaper And I'm ready to go ♪

♪ I'm wearing a diaper And I'm ready to go ♪

♪ Ka-blammo ♪

(explosion)

How many hits has this gotten?

Uh...

Only eight million.

Awesome!

I found my talent! Being famous!

Play it again!

(auto-tuned voice singing)

And the Wacky for the Best Animal Costume goes to...

Artie the Anteater!

(applause)

And our last award

is for the Most Popular Web Video By a Student.

-And the Wacky goes to... -Here we go.

Angus Chestnut for Angus Has No Pants.

What?

I prepared a speech.

Now, where did I put that...

Not again!

(theme music playing)