Original subtitles

(Playing)

Do you mind?

Look, I'm trying to work here.

I found this sucker to pay me to do his homework for him.

You're coloring in a dinosaur.

Yeah. He's in kindergarten.

Cameron, you're not even staying within the lines!

You get what you pay for.

-Hey, Daddy. You're home early. -Hey!

Yeah. I was supposed to interrogate this suspect in this strangler case,

but when I went to the bathroom, he confessed.

So now I get to watch my game shows! (Laughs)

So, what's that?

Oh! I have a surprise for you.

You know how you've been wanting one of those fancy

Free Village designer book bags?

You got me one?

Nope!

-I got you something better. -Okay.

Yup. Talk to me.

I'm sorry, but how is this better?

I got it from the evidence locker at the police station.

Is this blood?

Of course not!

I wouldn't give you a murder bag.

That's an armed robbery bag.

That stain's from an exploding dye pack.

You should see the guy's face. (Laughs)

Okay, so you can just take stuff from the evidence locker?

No, I bought it.

That's one of the perks of the job.

They auction off unclaimed property from closed cases.

Anyway, you could say thank you.

I spent hours combing through a lot of creepy stuff to find you that.

Is this how you got Mom's wedding ring?

Don't change the subject.

Dad, can I please have a Free Village bag?

I mean, every girl at school has one.

I'll even chip in a little.

Absolutely not.

No child of mine is going to walk around

with some overpriced status symbol.

Huh! "Free Village." (Scoffs)

They should call it "$300 Village!"

See how many they sell then!

Oh, okay, Daddy.

I'll go write you a thank you note.

Oh, look, I'll do it on the back of this.

"Give me all your money and no one gets hurt."

That's where that went.

How come you got Chyna a present and not me?

You know how girls are.

They're obsessed with fitting in.

But see, the great thing about you, Cameron,

is that no matter what you do, you'll never fit in.

(Theme song playing)

(Whoo!)

♪ Everybody's got that thing ♪

♪ Something different we all bring ♪

♪ Don't you let 'em clip your wings ♪

♪ You got it You got it ♪

♪ We're on fire and we blaze ♪

♪ In extraordinary ways ♪

♪ 365 days ♪

♪ We got it We got it ♪

♪ You can dream it ♪

♪ You can be it ♪

♪ If you can feel it ♪

♪ You can believe it ♪

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional Exceptional ♪

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional Exceptional ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh ♪

(Whoo!)

Hey, Chyna. Oh, I love that.

Did the bag-lady wake up when you took it out from under her head?

Wait a minute, you have two Free Village bags?

Yeah. This one is for my books.

(Straining) And this one is for my makeup.

Hey, look what's at the bottom of my pudding cup!

Fletcher, if it's another rat part, I do not want to see it.

No, it says, "10 pudding points."

Hey, I think I remember seeing something about that

on the label a few weeks ago.

What'd it say?

"Hey kids! Earn cash awards and pudding-tastic prizes!

Join the Healthy Time Pudding Club by visiting our Web site!

Some restrictions may apply. Void where prohibited by law.

Employees of Healthy Time Pudding are ineligible.

Warning. Healthy Time Pudding may cause obesity, cavities and premature death."

Well, it says here on their Web site

that when you get 1,000 points,

you can redeem them for a $10 cash card.

Okay. So, to buy a Free Nation bag,

all you need to do is eat 3,000 pudding cups.

Well, after that, I won't need a bag.

I can just carry my books in my rolls of fat.

Guys, look. Everyone's throwing away their cups.

If we collect them all from the trash, we'll rack up points like crazy.

That's a great idea!

Okay. So, Fletcher, dive into the trash and get the pudding cups. Come on.

Why me?

-Because I don't want to. -And neither do I.

Oh. Well, as long as it's fair.

(Chyna) Yeah.

Oh, I love your bag, Hayley! (Giggles)

Oh, nice bag, Anabella!

Oh! Hey, Wacky, look, we're twins. (Laughing)

Oh, guys, check out my Free Village book bag!

Is it awesome or what?

It works for a stroll in the park...

A night on the town...

Or hiding from paparazzi.

Oh, stop!

Stop taking pictures! I just want a normal life!

It's all right. But can you keep your lunch in its belly?

So if it's a book bag, why aren't your books in it?

Oh. Because most of the room in my new new bag

is being taken up by the old new bag that my dad gave me.

My dad would go nuts if he knew I got this new new bag.

So I leave the house using the old new bag

and hide the new new bag inside it.

Then, when I'm on the bus,

I take the new new bag out of the old new bag,

and hide the old new bag inside the new new bag.

Then, I take the old new bag out of the new new bag

and hide the new new bag back inside the old new bag.

Seems kind of complicated to me.

How so?

So, Cameron, how's the kindergarten homework going?

Not good. I could only find seven of the 10 things wrong with this picture.

Ooh, eight! Cows don't have tails.

You know, you really should give that kid a discount.

Hey, Cameron. (Chuckling)

What's that?

Well, I felt bad about not getting you anything

from the evidence locker, so I brought you a portable music player.

-Really? -Yeah.

Is this a car stereo?

You're welcome.

But doesn't it need speakers? And a car?

You know, kids today. Nothing's ever enough for you.

You know what I had to listen to music with when I was your age?

Ears and a window!

Whatever the neighbors had on, that's what I listened to.

You know what I got? Arms and a window.

I'm gonna go throw this out of it.

Give me this.

So, you're not going to use your gift?

At least Chyna uses hers!

What is this?

Why does Chyna have a new new bag

stuffed inside her old new bag?

-Hey, Daddy. -Hey, sweetie.

How was your day? Anything... new?

Well, you know, there were some more budget cuts at school,

so they combined French class with art.

It's (clearing throat) now called Fart.

So how are you enjoying your new bag?

-My new bag? -Mmm-hmm.

Oh, you mean the one that you gave me.

Yeah. Turns out that I love it.

So much.

So much that I wish I were a bag

and that bags could get married, because I would marry it.

But sadly, society's not ready for that.

Officer 3-9? This is Detective Parks.

Hold on, Darryl.

(Loud clattering)

That'll teach you, dirtbag!

Hey, what's up?

I'm probably overreacting,

but I'm worried my daughter might be shoplifting.

I'm gonna need you to go undercover.

Hi, I'm the new kid. Where do I sit?

-Hey, who's the new kid? -I don't know.

Is that a sippy cup?

Hi, I'm Chyna, and this is Olive and Fletcher.

I'm Charlie.

Charlie... Brown.

That's an unusual name.

Look who's talking, Fletcher.

Good thing he doesn't know your middle name.

It's Pumpernickel!

(Both laughing)

So, Charlie Brown, what's your gift?

I didn't know I was supposed to bring a gift.

-Will you take cash? -Yes.

No, I meant your talent.

Everybody in the A.N.T. Program has a special talent.

Yeah. Chyna's is music, mine is art,

and Olive's is answering questions nobody's asking.

I'm really good at it!

My talent is...

Dancing.

Ooh, cool! Can I see?

-See what? -See you dance.

Oh, right.

Sure.

This is good, isn't it? Yeah.

Shake a little out. Shake a little out.

And then go old-school. Yeah! Oh, you like that?

Yeah! Oh, big finish!

(Screaming)

Wow. You are good.

Wake up, Cameron!

I wasn't sleeping. Just doing homework.

Hey, I've got a surprise for you from the police auction.

A new bike!

Where are the tires?

By now? Probably in Tijuana.

You know what, next time why don't you give me a card saying,

"I don't love you"?

They make those?

You know what, fine.

If you want something, how about you go down to the precinct,

ask for Bernice to show you the unclaimed property

and you can pick out something yourself.

Because I'm done trying to please you.

And nothing over $20.

I'll go tomorrow.

I have all this homework to finish.

This turkey isn't gonna draw itself.

I feel so sick. Pass me another one.

Hey, what are you guys up to?

We're just working on something we call Operation Sticky Fingers.

-You see, we figured out a way to... -(Stamps foot)

(Exclaims)

What he meant is

we're having a pudding eating contest.

Oh! Do you want to go for the record?

Oh, I can't. My doctor says my cholesterol...

I mean, Mommy says I have to cut down on sweets.

(Cell phone ringing)

Excuse me.

That's probably Mommy now.

Hi, Mommy.

Fletcher, don't tell anyone else about the pudding points.

We want all that stuff for ourselves.

Can't we tell Charlie Brown?

I mean, he's the first cool Ant ever.

He's not afraid to use a sippy cup,

he busts out those awesome dance moves,

and I think he wears aftershave.

Well, I don't trust him.

You know, I think he's lying about his age.

Yeah, there's no way he's 11.

He's eight, tops.

Hey, there's Charlie Brown.

Aww, and that must be his mom,

the one who won't let him eat sweets.

Well, she's giving him some sugar now.

(Cell phone ringing)

I gotta get back to work. See you at home, babe.

Officer 3-9 here. He's a cop!

I knew it! I knew he wasn't an Ant!

-Hey, Darryl. -Is he talking to my dad?

Tell me what's going on.

They've started something called "Operation Sticky Fingers."

I'm working on infiltrating their little shoplifting operation.

My dad thinks I'm shoplifting?

I can't believe he doesn't trust me!

I feel so betrayed.

I can't believe Charlie Brown would lie to us.

You think you know someone after half a week of school.

You know what?

We're going to teach him a lesson.

Him and my father.

He's coming. He's coming. Everybody act suspicious.

-Okay. -Go, go, go.

Hey, guys. What's going on?

Oh, shoot.

He is on to our crime syndicate.

(Imitating Mafioso) This could be bad news, yous guys.

We can't risk having a snitch around.

I says we...

(Making tearing sound)

Tickle his neck?

Wait.

He could be valuable to us.

So, here's the deal.

Up until now we have only been shoplifting,

but now we're going for the big score.

Yeah, we're going to break into a house and clean it out.

Not literally. We're not going to housekeep.

We're going to steal stuff.

-You want in? -Totally. Sign me up.

Good. 'Cause we need someone to sneak in through the doggy door,

and you're the only one that can fit.

And it's all going down tonight.

By this time tomorrow, we'll be rich.

Yeah. You'll end up with plenty of bread.

Clams. Lettuce.

Cheddar.

That is, if you choose to spend your cut at the grocery store.

So, 3-9, what's going on at that school?

Well, I got a B+ on my history quiz

and I totally deserved an A-.

3-9, what's Chyna up to?

Well, I joined their little crime ring,

and they're planning on robbing a house.

No. That can't be right.

There's no way my little girl is robbing a house.

I'm telling you, they told me themselves.

They even threatened to tickle my neck.

How'd they know I'm ticklish?

These guys really do their homework.

What house?

Whose house are they robbing?

Well, they won't tell me yet because I'm the new guy.

But I'll call you when I'm in the house

and you can come and see for yourself.

Sorry I'm late.

Fletcher, do you understand the term "cat burglar"?

Obviously. Seems I'm the only one who does.

Okay, Charlie Brown, go in through the doggy door,

make sure the coast is clear, then let us in.

Will do.

Now are you sure he doesn't know this is your house?

How could he possibly know?

Your last name is on the mailbox and the doormat.

Wow. He's a really bad detective.

(Cell phone ringing)

Hello!

It's me. I'm in the house.

You actually broke into a house?

Yeah, yeah, I told you.

But I'm not really sure why Chyna picked this place.

There's nothing in here worth stealing. It's all junk.

Ugly, worthless junk.

Do you have an address?

Yeah, I saw it on the way in. It's...

(Glass shattering)

I think there's someone in the house.

(Toilet flushing)

Wait, I think there's someone in the house.

I think they're downstairs.

I think they're coming downstairs.

I'll call you back.

(Both exclaiming)

(Groaning)

Dad, are you okay?

No! I just got tasered in the kneecap!

You are in big trouble. Big trouble.

Um... I think I saw a mouse. Gotta go.

Oh, no, my cat got out!

Chyna, what are you doing breaking into your own house?

I'm teaching you a lesson.

How could you think I would steal?

You know me better than that.

Well, then how do you explain the new new bag

you were hiding in your old new bag?

I bought it with gift cards I got

by collecting pudding cups from the garbage cans at school.

Would you please keep it down? We're trying to have a conversation.

So you're telling me you rummaged through the trash

to get a $300 designer bag for free?

Yeah.

That's my girl! (Laughs)

I knew you'd never steal.

(Laughing)

But you did lie to me about getting that bag.

Look, I know I shouldn't have lied,

but I'm the only one who doesn't have one.

I feel like I stick out enough as it is.

(Smashing piano keys)

Look, you stick out because you're special

and beautiful.

Just like me.

Look, I know fitting in in high school is tough.

Especially when you're so much younger than anybody else.

(Crashing)

I know, but I'm gonna help you get through it.

But we need to communicate

and always be honest with each other, okay?

-(Crashing) -Okay. I'll promise to be honest

if you promise not to send any more cops to spy on me.

What? I never sent anyone to spy on you.

What are you talking about? He's right there.

I've never seen that man in my life!

He must be a burglar!

Come on, Dad. What happened to always being honest?

Seriously. If I knew him, would I do this?

Hey, Cameron, how was your visit to the evidence locker?

Oh, it was amazing.

I had no idea that you and the other cops solved so many cases.

Or that criminals had so many nick-nacks.

Well, the right accent pieces can really brighten up a prison cell.

So did you get yourself anything?

Nope. After you bought me all those great gifts

I thought I would buy you something to show my appreciation.

Really?

-You got me a gift? -Yup.

What'd you get me? What'd you get me?

You know how you always wanted a convertible?

No, you didn't!

Yes, I did!

Oh!

Drive safe!