Original subtitles

Keep chewing, guys. I need more gum.

(Sighs) I'm exhausted.

This is the most exercise I've ever had.

This is sugarless, right? You told us it was sugarless!

Because if I have gum with sugar I get a little crazy!

Uh, yeah, sure. It's sugarless. Now spit.

Hey, guys. What's going...

Is that my head made out of chewed-up bubble gum?

Um, if it were, would you think it was really cool and be flattered?

No. Actually, I'd think it was really gross.

Good thing it's not you, then. It's clearly...

Pinocchio.

But it's a girl.

Did I say "Pinocchio"? I meant his lesser-known sister,

Penny-occhio.

-Good morning, Gibson. -No, it's not. It's a terrible morning.

I'm so sad, even that awesome sculpture of Penny-occhio isn't cheering me up.

Is it your pet turtle again?

Gibson, if it hasn't been out of its shell in a year,

I think it might be gone.

No, no. Shelly's fine. He's just shy.

I'm talking about my grandmother, Grandma Nana.

Please tell me she's moving more than your turtle is.

Oh, she's moving, all right.

Right out of our apartment to be closer to her new boyfriend, Bob.

I'm sensing you don't like this Bob.

I've tried doing stuff with them, but we just have different interests.

I mean, knitting, mahjong, feeding the pigeons...

They don't like any of that stuff!

Well, I can't knit, and I don't know how to play mahjong,

but we can go feed the pigeons.

Great. I'll hold them down and you feed them with this little spoon.

So, mahjong! Sounds fun.

(Theme song playing)

(Whoo!)

♪ Everybody's got that thing ♪

♪ Something different we all bring ♪

♪ Don't you let 'em clip your wings ♪

♪ You got it You got it ♪

♪ We're on fire and we blaze ♪

♪ In extraordinary ways ♪

♪ 365 days ♪

♪ We got it We got it ♪

♪ You can dream it ♪

♪ You can be it ♪

♪ If you can feel it ♪

♪ You can believe it ♪

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional Exceptional ♪

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional Exceptional ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh ♪

(Whoo!)

Wait. Let me get that for you, my lady.

What are you doing?

Well, if there's one thing we Quimbys are known for,

it's our charm and grace.

I meant to do that.

Those potatoes weren't nearly mashed enough.

So, here we are.

I can't remember the last time that we were alone together.

You know, just the two of us.

Hey, guys. Thanks for inviting me to lunch.

Why did you invite him?

Because he's lonely and I want to help him.

Look how pathetic he is.

I keep beating him at mahjong and I don't even know the rules.

I don't know the rules, either.

It's a really confusing game.

By the way, I think Fletcher pooped his pants.

Hi, Paisley. Can I interview you for an article in the school paper?

Sure. Ooh, nice hat!

Why does it say "press?"

It's not doing anything.

Actually, "press" means that I...

It's out of batteries.

Hey, Olive, why am I not on the cover of the school magazine?

Look at this cover girl.

I'm way prettier than she is!

It's not a magazine. And that's Abigail Timmons.

She rescued an old man from a burning building.

Well, she could have at least put on some lipstick first.

Look, Lexi, in order to get into the school newspaper,

you have to do something newsworthy.

Well, I'm dating Paisley's boyfriend, Keith. Is that anything?

It was really nice of you to suggest this study...

Date.

Session. So, should we start with...

Slow dancing?

Math.

Oh. Sure, math is good.

Let's say I have five chocolate-covered strawberries,

and I feed you one.

How many do I have left?

(Doorbell ringing)

Hi, Gibson! Come on in!

Thanks. You said to come by if I was lonely.

Ooh, are these chocolate-covered strawberries?

Love them!

Except for the strawberry part. Ugh!

Well, we were just in the middle of studying, so...

Perfect time for a study break!

Good thing I brought my Bag O' Fun.

Now, don't be misled by the name Bag O' Fun.

It's the stuff inside the bag that's fun.

The bag itself is actually quite dangerous.

So, let's see what you've got.

-Ooh, checkers. -Yeah.

-Jacks. -Uh-huh.

Gibson Pursuit?

It's a game I made up with trivia about myself.

-Oh. -I'm really good at it.

The only person whoever beats me is Bob.

Okay. "Fun Facts."

Okay...

"When was Gibson potty-trained?"

Um, 18 months?

Close. Sixteen months... Ago.

Kidding, kidding! I was 14.

That was a fun fact.

Almost as much fun as learning about your collection of earwax candles.

(Clears throat)

If you want I could bring you...

No, that's okay. Thank you, though!

I'm not allowed to play with fire. Or earwax.

You guys are awesome.

We are totally going to hang out together every day

from now on for the rest of our lives!

We are gonna be best BFF friends forever!

Or for short, BBFFFFs.

Hey, Chyna. What are you doing?

Trying to figure out what to do about our new BBFFFF.

I solve my problems by writing songs about them.

You've got to come up with something. It's been a week already.

Yesterday I almost won a game of Gibson Pursuit and that scares me.

The way I see it, we have two options.

Keep trying to cheer him up, or find a creative way to get rid of him.

Here's what I've come up with so far.

♪ Our friend Gibson was feeling down ♪

♪ Crying all day like a sad little clown ♪

♪ Been playing games with him for a week ♪

♪ What can we do with this fuzzy-haired freak? ♪

♪ We can take him on a trip to Albuquerque ♪

♪ Dehydrate his skin and make Gibson jerky ♪

(Ooh!)

♪ Give him a ride on a merry-go-round ♪

♪ Or dress him like a dog and take him to the pound ♪

♪ Go for a stroll on some country roads ♪

♪ Or feed him fatty foods till his heart explodes ♪

♪ Take him on a tour to the south of France... ♪

What rhymes with "France"?

Romance! We should get him a girlfriend!

I was thinking more like, "Stuff a hungry squirrel down his pants."

But that would be mean.

To the squirrel.

Come on. Love is the answer. Everybody needs love.

Isn't that true, Chyna? Please say it's true.

It is true. That's a great idea, Fletcher.

I could hug you right now!

Okay. All we need to do is find a woman

who's looking for a mahjong-playing,

pigeon-feeding hairy man-child

who keeps a dead turtle in a shoe box.

Okay, this may be harder than I thought.

Hey, how about we sign him up for one of those Internet dating websites

for people with no hope?

Yeah! There was this guy on my street

who found his wife that way.

And he had to be cut out of his home and airlifted to the wedding!

Oh, Olive, there you are.

I have a scoop for the cover of this week's school paper.

I rescued a bird.

-From where? -A tree.

Birds live in trees.

Well, this tree was on fire.

Why didn't the bird just fly away?

Oh, just take my picture, already!

Okay. Give me a really heroic look.

Click.

What are you doing? You just pretended to take my picture.

And you just pretended to rescue a bird!

Oops, your eyes were closed. One more.

Click.

Okay, here comes Gibson.

I'll ask the questions, and you take down his answers on my A.N.T. Pad.

Hi, Gibson. We were just about to play a game of "Gibson Pursuit."

The new edition came out with all new questions.

Wow. Can't believe I didn't hear about that. I'm in!

All righty!

What is Gibson's idea of a perfect date?

November 3rd.

Um... Let's try another one.

What is the last book Gibson read?

Uh... Living With Chronic Dandruff.

Well, it was really more of a pamphlet.

I'm just gonna put Pat the Bunny.

Who doesn't love Pat the Bunny? You get to pat the bunny!

Wait a second, what's going on here?

All right, the truth is we want to fill out your profile

for a dating website.

Yeah, we thought you'd be less lonely if you had a girlfriend.

Thanks, but I'm just not ready for a relationship.

Which is why I keep fending off the advances of Janet the janitor.

That and she smells like urinal cake.

Which reminds me. Kids, don't be fooled by the word "cake."

Urinal cakes are far from delicious and, actually, quite poisonous.

Gibson, we could probably find you someone who doesn't smell like toilet poison.

Sorry, but I'm still hung up on my ex-girlfriend, Sophie.

Our breakup was really devastating.

Mmm, rasp-apple.

Can I have a sip, Gibson?

No! Forget it!

You may be my girlfriend, but you're still a girl.

I don't want cooties!

-Give it! -No!

Doody head!

Hey, come on, babe. We can work this out!

The next thing you know, she was out of my life forever.

And the sand permanently dried out my scalp.

Wait a minute. Your last girlfriend was 25 years ago?

Yeah. And not a day has gone by that I haven't thought of Sophie.

Well, except the day I entered a pie-eating contest

and fell into a sugar-induced coma.

But I came in second!

Stupid Bob!

What does this have to do with this girl you can't stop thinking about?

Oh, Sophie!

(Sobbing hysterically)

I picked the wrong day to wear black.

Oh no! Paisley is choking!

I need to save her life in a newsworthy fashion!

Help! I have food lodged in my Snuffleupagus.

Does she mean her esophagus?

Yeah. Her brain is oxygen-starved. More than usual.

I'll save you, Paisley!

Oh, Lexi. You are my hero.

Spit out a meatball.

Look, if she were really choking, she wouldn't even be able to talk.

-She's not talking. -Yeah, I'm not talking.

(Shushing)

(Whimpers)

Oh, my gosh. She's actually choking!

Help! What do I do?

(Exclaims)

Wow, Abigail! That was unbelievable. Here, smile!

Ah! Don't smile. Don't smile.

(Shutter clicking)

(Beatbox music playing)

Angus, what are you doing?

Thanks to the Internet,

I'm winning a dance competition in the Philippines.

Okay, okay, okay!

We need your help.

Can you use your computer to track down Gibson's ex-girlfriend?

Oh, sure.

Typety-type-type.

What was that?

Oh, you were serious?

Gibson used to have a girlfriend?

-Yeah. Her name's Sophie and... -Found her.

Well, where is she, Fletcher? Ooh! Do you have her number?

Yeah. It's 24601.

That's not enough digits for a phone number.

No, but it's the right amount for a prisoner ID number.

Yeah... She's in jail.

Okay, minor setback.

But...

All we need to do to reunite them

is put Gibson in a dress and frame him for a crime he did not commit.

-What? -I told you,

I think better with my guitar.

(Beatbox music continues)

-(Music powers down) -What?

Second place?

Stupid Bob!

I can't believe Gibson's ex-girlfriend is in jail for robbing a bank.

Maybe she'll get time off for good behavior.

I don't think so.

Last week she beat a guard. With another guard.

So she's aggressive. Some guys like that.

I have an idea. We should take Gibson to see Sophie in prison.

Yeah, when he sees what she's become, it'll shock him back to reality.

And if that doesn't work, maybe Sophie will beat me with you.

Anything would be better than another round of Gibson Pursuit.

Hey, guys! Want to play a game of Gibsonary?

Guess what I'm drawing.

-Gibson... -Yes!

You are so good at this!

No, we have great news!

We found your ex-girlfriend Sophie!

Really? That's amazing!

Tell me about her. What does she do now?

Um, she's in...

-Banking. -(Laughing)

She must be rich.

I bet she lives in a big house.

"The" big house, actually.

Yeah. Six hundred bedrooms,

a huge yard, and a really good security system.

Wow. This really is a big house.

Okay, Gibson, time to see what the love of your life has become.

Watch your hands! You know I can chew through bone.

I can't believe it. She's more beautiful than ever.

(Fly buzzing)

(Buzzing stops)

And she looks good in orange.

I wish I could argue with him, but she does look good in orange.

Okay, Paisley, here's the plan.

This doll is you.

Why am I a troll?

Genetics.

Anyway, you walk out of school at 4:15,

right when Olive will be there.

Then I come out...

Just as a monster truck comes barreling towards you.

-And you push me out of the way? -Nope!

But I do administer first aid,

become a hero, and make the cover of the school newspaper.

But my head's on backwards.

Does everything have to be about you?

I can't believe Gibson's not fazed by the fact that Sophie's in prison.

I know. He thinks it's cute.

He said she's having a 25-year "time out."

Gotta do something.

Ooh, chocolate! Mind if I have some?

Here you go, Sophie.

She's got a knife!

(Chomping noises)

Wow, a rose!

The only way this could be more romantic is if it were melted over a strawberry.

So I could eat it off of the strawberry.

-I really hate strawberries. -I do, too.

Give it up, Chyna. They obviously love each other.

I guess the heart wants what the heart wants.

Wait a second. You're right. That's perfect!

He'll visit her every day after school instead of hanging out with us!

This calls for...

-A hug! -A toast.

To our freedom!

I am so sorry.

(Gasping) Look, there's a fire!

This is a real emergency! We need to act fast!

I'll put my hair in a French braid, you go get Olive.

Okay.

Finally, the cover of the paper is mine.

Fire!

Oh, no you don't, Abigail! You publicity hog!

(Camera clicking)

(Screaming)

-Smile. -(Shutter clicking)