Original subtitles

(upbeat music playing)

Can't we just go out for milkshakes?

I mean, we don't even have a blender.

We don't need to waste money on a blender.

Let me show you something. Watch this. Come here.

-Put that in your mouth. There you go. -(grunting)

Put a little bit right there. Yeah, yeah.

-That's it. -(gagging)

Yup.

Close that a little bit. Now shake it, shake it, shake it.

Okay, all right. There you go.

-What's that for? -You thought I was making it for you?

Dad, I can tell you're busy, so I'll make this quick.

Can I watch High Heels High tonight? Thank you!

You know the rules, Chyna. No TV on school nights.

Come on, Dad. Everybody in school watches High Heels High. Please?

Just one episode, then I'll study for my science test.

-Fine. But if it affects your grades, -Yes!

you won't be watching any TV until you're 40.

By the time I'm 40, I'll have my own kids to threaten and deprive.

(clears throat)

Wait a minute, now. I treat you kids with dignity and respect.

Now, okay, kids, open up your armpits.

It's time to defrost these lamb chops. Come on.

Come on. Below there.

♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo

Whoo!

♪ Everybody's got that thing ♪

♪ Something different we all bring ♪

♪ Don't you let 'em clip your wings ♪

♪ You got it, you got it ♪

♪ We're on fire and we blaze ♪

♪ In extraordinary ways ♪

♪ 365 days ♪

♪ We got it, we got it ♪

♪ You can dream it ♪

♪ You can be it ♪

♪ If you can feel it ♪

♪ You can believe it ♪

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

Whoo!

(High Heels High theme playing)

Once Tatiana's chemistry assignment

"accidentally" explodes in her "face,"

she'll be "tragically" disfigured

and the Le Chic makeup account will be mine.

(all laughing)

Wow, Justine's a horrible person.

I love her!

(High Heels High theme playing)

Tatiana! You're "back."

They gave you a new face, and...

(gasps)

It's "mine"!

What a season finale!

I thought Justine was two-faced before. Now she's literally two-faced!

-(knocking on door) -(Darryl) Good morning, Chyna.

Morning? How can it be morning?

-Hey. -Hey, you're up early.

Oh, yeah, I've been up for "hours"

"studying" for my science "test".

What are you "doing"?

I don't "know". (chuckles)

Hey, are those the same clothes you had on yesterday?

Yeah!

It's "Wear The Same Clothes As You Did Yesterday Day" at school.

We have lots of crazy, fun events.

Like yesterday was

"Wear The Same Clothes As You're Going To Wear Tomorrow" Day.

(moans)

See, that's the best thing I like about my job.

-Same outfit every day. -Yeah.

I never even wash this thing.

Well, good luck on your test.

Although the way you've been studying, I doubt you'll need it.

(both chuckle)

I'm "dead."

Did you find my sunglasses yet?

No.

And I really wish it wasn't frog dissection day.

(exclaims)

(gasps) Oh, look. Here are my sunglasses!

(chuckles)

(exclaims)

You dropped your cell phone.

That's not mine.

Mine has rhinestones on it.

I mean, rhinestones made of diamonds.

It's Principal Skidmore's phone.

She must have accidentally dropped it in the trash

when she was throwing something away.

Probably these gnarly toenail clippings.

We should go return her phone.

No way! Think of the possibilities.

We can send texts and emails to teachers from Skidmore

and get them to do whatever we want.

Wow. For the first time you're actually making some sense.

Thank goodness.

Because I was starting to think my mind was getting cloudy

from breathing in all those frog guts and formaldehyde.

Oh look, a puppy.

(chuckles) Who's a good puppy?

You're a good puppy!

Yeah!

Excuse me, sir.

Actually, Bonita is a female.

Not now, Fletcher.

I'm totally going to fail this test.

I committed the whole textbook to memory.

Quick! Tell me everything that's in that book!

"Earth Science, written by Dolores Maybourn, foreword by Lance Greensburg,

copyright 1972 by Tolbert Publishing."

Skip ahead!

"ISBN 0-18704..."

Further ahead!

"This book is dedicated to my husband,

without whom none of this would've been possible."

(bell ringing)

(shouting) Morning, class.

I hope everyone studied for today's test. Good luck.

Please be multiple choice. Please be multiple choice.

And I'm toast.

I hear whispering!

You do not want me to raise my voice!

Okay, I just sent a text using Skidmore's phone to our trigonometry teacher,

forbidding her from giving us homework.

Nice! (chuckles)

Almost as good as me giving the entire foreign language department the week off.

-(both chuckle) -Oh!

Adios.

Bon voyage.

There's Skidmore. Put the phone away!

Kids, I need for you to let me know when you see my cellular phone.

I am offering a $50 reward.

Maybe we should turn in the phone for the reward.

$50 is a lot of money.

I mean, I could buy two bottles of end-of-summer bronzer.

What? You never say yes to a first offer.

If we play our cards right, we can get her up to $100.

You're right. And then I could buy four bottles of bronzer.

Yes.

(exclaiming)

Chyna, watch where you're going!

Just because Bonita does not have a nervous system,

does not mean she does not have feelings!

Sorry. I was just watching High Heels High for the last time.

Because once my dad finds out I failed my test,

I won't be allowed to watch TV until I look like Bonita.

(shouting) Sorry I'm late!

My daughter would not go down for her nap,

no matter how many lullabies I sang her.

Anyway, I graded your tests.

Alright, 67!

You got a D?

No. It's my 67th consecutive A.

I got an A, too!

Well, at least you guys got good grades, because I'm about to get...

An A?

How can that be?

(cell phone ringing)

Hello.

All right, I'll try it again. (clears throat)

(SINGING LOUDLY) ♪ Hush little baby, don't say a word ♪

♪ Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird... ♪

(Lexi) Psst. Cameron. We need to talk.

Lexi, no one knows we have the phone.

You don't have to hide and whisper.

I know. I just don't want to be seen socializing with you.

It's been three days and Skidmore hasn't raised the reward.

I think we should take the $50.

Relax. This is all part of the game. She'll crack.

(cell phone ringing)

See? Skidmore's office line. I'll make our demands.

Wait! You need to disguise your voice.

(scoffs)

(in monster voice) I've been waiting for your call.

When I catch whoever this is,

you will be in serious trouble!

Give us $200,

or we delete one app per hour.

Please don't touch Mad Birdies!

I almost reached the last level!

Listen to me. Here is what you need to do.

Just bounce the pigeon off the barn.

Oh! Hey, check it out.

Chyna and I are making a blimp for our science fair project,

and this is the perfect material.

Are you cutting up a wedding dress?

Yeah. I found it in my mom's closet

in a box marked "Save for Olive's Big Day."

And I figured, what day is bigger than the science fair?

By the way, where is Chyna? She's supposed to be helping me with this.

How would I know?

It's not like I sewed a GPS transmitter

into the lining of her backpack so I could track her every move.

Sorry I asked.

Although, if I had to guess,

she'll probably be here in three, two, one...

Guys!

I tried to complain to Mr. Marceau about giving me an A,

but he just acted really weird.

Even weirder than usual.

Something is going on here.

Olive, do you speak Japanese?

(speaking Japanese)

Oh, stop mumbling and just answer my question.

I'm trying to recruit a swimming champion from Japan

for the A.N.T. Program. I need someone to translate.

I stopped by the language department,

but for some reason none of the teachers were there.

How is he gonna get through high school if he can't speak English?

Mm. Don't worry. I have my ways. (chuckling)

I will do anything to keep this kid eligible to compete.

He swims faster than an eel.

Well, actually, sailfish are the fastest...

Don't care.

I knew we were getting special treatment.

Skidmore obviously has some sort of secret scheme

to make sure the Ants get straight A's

so we're allowed to compete in things like swim meets, art shows,

and whatever Olive's good for.

Skidmore does love her trophies.

I hear she's working on legally adopting all of them.

(Skidmore) Hello, boys.

Mama's gonna bring you a new friend soon.

He looks like this.

We have got to do something about this.

No, what we need to do is start working on our science fair project.

That's it! We'll expose the conspiracy

by doing the worst science project ever!

What?

When Mr. Marceau gives us an A on our pathetic project,

all the older students will be furious and demand he give us an F!

(yelling in Japanese)

No idea what you just said,

but I'm guessing it wasn't "I support your plan 100%."

(shouts in Japanese)

(Olive) Have you lost your mind?

We are not doing a bad science fair project.

That is the worst idea since someone decided to place innocent grade schoolers

in the demon's belly that is high school!

I'm sorry, but it's not fair for the Ants to get A's we don't deserve.

And I intend to blow the lid off this whole thing!

No! Why would you want to blow the lid off anything?

The world needs lids.

Without lids, things would be boiling over and splattering.

And how would you make rice?

-In a microwave. -Well, you can, but it's not as moist.

Okay, let's say we do your project and we get an F.

Your dad will forbid you from watching TV

and you'll never see another episode of High Heels High.

She's right.

Okay, fine.

We'll do a great science fair project.

I need to know what Tatiana does with Justine's face.

Officer Parks, I want to thank you for doing me this favor.

Oh, my pleasure. Now I'm going to need you to identify the remains.

But I have to warn you, what you're about to see is pretty gruesome.

Oh, thank goodness. It isn't mine.

(knocking on door)

(screams)

What are you doing here?

I live here.

Wait, are you Cameron's father?

Because I heard his dad was a mall cop.

Come on.

So... Is Cameron home?

Yeah. One sec. (chuckling)

Cameron! There's a girl here who says she knows you!

I mean, seriously, she said it out loud and everything!

Hey, Lexi.

Well, I'll leave you two alone.

I don't want to intrude. (chuckling)

Honey, get the camera! Cameron's got a girl over!

We've got big problems. Big problems!

Skidmore called the cops and the cops are your dad!

Should've known he wasn't mall cop!

I mean, I've been to the mall many, many times, and I've never seen him!

My dad is on the case? Relax.

When we played hide and seek as kids, he never found us.

Though, now that I think about it, I'm not really sure he was looking.

I'm done. This is over. We are getting rid of this phone.

Tomorrow we'll stage a reenactment and pretend to find the phone.

This time in front of Skidmore.

Fine! But this was a horrible mistake.

After tomorrow, I'm going to pretend I never knew you.

Now, that makes more sense.

(High Heels High theme playing)

What's going on?

Hey, Justine.

I hear you disfigured a girl in a chemical fire.

That's nothing compared to the evil, sinister thing I did.

I'm getting straight A's

that I don't deserve.

"What?" I'm the baddest bad girl in school.

You were. But now I'm badderer.

I am evil.

I do look good in heels.

But I'm evil.

I have to do what's right and fail science.

(panting)

This is some high-quality poster board.

(grunts)

High-tension power lines!

High tension is something I know about,

since my wife just had our baby and my mother-in-law moved in.

Now I never get any peace and quiet.

I'm here! And I brought our new science project!

"Why Donuts Are Good For You?"

That's not sound science!

I wish it was, but it's not!

Sorry, Olive. I can't keep living a lie.

I have to do the right thing,

even if it means losing TV privileges.

Look, we're doing our project on the miracle of Zeppelins!

No, we're doing it on donuts.

-Zeppelins. -Donuts.

-Zeppelins. -Donuts.

-Zeppelins. -Donuts.

-Zeppelins! -Donuts!

-Zeppelins! -Donuts!

-Zeppelins! -Donuts!

(explosion)

Oh, the humanity!

Whoa, the helium did that?

No. The Mylar shorted out the wires.

The helium just dissipated into the nearby air.

So what's our grade? I'm guessing an A?

(in high-pitched voice) An A? You nearly blew my head off!

A-minus?

You both get F's!

(clearing throat)

Oh, thank goodness my voice went back to normal!

That other one was so annoying!

I don't understand.

You're supposed to give us Ants A's no matter what.

Just like you did on my science test that I obviously should have failed.

All right, I'm gonna let you two in on a little secret.

I gave everybody A's because I was too tired

to grade all those papers.

I don't know why, but my baby never sleeps!

Oops.

(laughs)

So, you have any other theories you want to prove?

Yes, as a matter of fact.

Can donuts be used to patch up a friendship?

Look, "O" for "Olive."

Hmm?

Hey! Get it!

Oh, no. There's Skidmore.

Ugh. More toenail clippings?

Look at those claws. What is she, part falcon?

Everyone freeze!

I've solved a serious crime.

And the guilty party is standing right in front of me.

Okay, I don't know what that was about,

but I know who took your phone.

-Really? -Yes.

I've been doing a little "research."

Why am I doing this now? I actually did do some research.

And it turns out that you signed up for the replacement plan,

which can only mean one thing.

You stole your own phone so you can get a better one for free.

Oh, that's preposterous!

Hmm. We'll see about that.

We'll call your phone and I bet it rings right there in your purse.

(phone ringing)

(chuckling)

Hello?

Cameron?

Look, Dad, I can't talk right now.

We're about to find out who took Skidmore's phone.

Oh...

Cameron, shame on you!

Stealing a phone from a helpless old lady!

What? You're just as guilty as I am!

How dare you accuse me of something so vile and unforgivable!

Lexi, if you're so innocent,

how do you explain all these pictures of you all over the school?

(grunts)

Cameron!

What? I just wanted to remember our time together.

Let's go!

And Lexi, I will deal with you later.

Wow, I didn't think about the replacement plan. Hmm.

(theme music playing)