All language subtitles for iCarly s01e01 iStart Over.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:04,613 - I am so ready for this. 2 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:07,538 [cheers and applause] 3 00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:17,823 Ah! - Ah! 4 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,551 What are you doing here? 5 00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:22,287 - Setting up for a romantic evening with my boyfriend. 6 00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:24,493 I would've done it at my place, but rich people 7 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:27,495 have such nice lighting. What are you doing here? 8 00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,198 - I'm the rich person with the nice lighting 9 00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:31,730 that owns this apartment. 10 00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:33,625 Wait. You and Beau, that's tonight? 11 00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,437 Don't look at this. 12 00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:38,909 - What is that giant, gold monstrosity? 13 00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:42,579 - It's a gift I made for you. 14 00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:46,310 - Oh, I love it. 15 00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:50,377 - Did I miss anything? [applause] 16 00:00:50,418 --> 00:00:52,348 Oh, you gave it to her without me? 17 00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:55,756 - Yeah, and her reaction was priceless. 18 00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:58,089 - Just a little something for you and Beau 19 00:00:58,126 --> 00:01:02,496 as you begin this beautiful journey together as partners. 20 00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:07,270 We thought you could stand on either side of it and be all-- 21 00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:09,471 - Thank you. 22 00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:13,273 Wow. I can't believe Beau is going to propose 23 00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:15,507 that we do a channel together. 24 00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:17,983 After years of doing "iCarly" with Sam 25 00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:20,351 and then hosting Italian QVC 26 00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:22,421 and then my brief stint in college radio, 27 00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:25,350 I'm finally going to be back online where I belong, 28 00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:28,356 with a partner who I love and trust. 29 00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:29,889 Now, where should I put my phone, 30 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,993 so I can secretly record him? 31 00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:33,955 - Now that's true love. 32 00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:37,604 - I told all the "iCarly" fans to tune in to my livestream. 33 00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:41,141 Beau asking me to do a channel together, that's good content. 34 00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:42,669 Why waste it? 35 00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:45,073 - Couldn't agree more, which is why after Spencer 36 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,605 designed this sculpture, 37 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,980 I outfitted it with a sneaky, little spot for a camera. 38 00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:52,551 Mm... 39 00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:54,050 boop. 40 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:56,751 - Freddie, this is why we stayed friends all these years, 41 00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,894 you creepy genius. 42 00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:00,719 - I actually did the whole making it part, 43 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:04,934 so, you know, who's the real creepy genius? 44 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,528 - This is so exciting. 45 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,230 I've been wanting to start up my own channel again, 46 00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:10,632 but I didn't want to do it by myself. 47 00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:12,374 You know what? He's probably going to be here any minute, 48 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,340 and I love you guys so much, but get. 49 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,210 Hey, everyone. I'm back. I know it's been a while, 50 00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:26,454 but you guys are in for something really exciting. 51 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,850 - Carly? - Beau. 52 00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,481 - Hey. 53 00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:31,787 Cool shape. 54 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:35,859 - Yeah, it's an and symbol for Carly and Beau. 55 00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,259 Doesn't it make you 56 00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:39,761 just want to stand on either side of it be all-- 57 00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:41,863 - Sure, kind of. 58 00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:45,365 But for now, let's sit and be all-- 59 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,898 Carly, we do a lot of things together. 60 00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:53,067 - I know. It's so great. - We date. 61 00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:54,706 We share a Spotify account. 62 00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:57,382 You came with me to the podiatrist. 63 00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:59,251 - I just get you. 64 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,380 - So I think it's only natural we-- 65 00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:03,845 - Start a channel together. - Need some time apart. 66 00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:09,364 Wait. What? Time apart? Why? 67 00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:10,820 - We gotta get the phone. 68 00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,028 - You came with me to the podiatrist. 69 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,300 - Well, yeah, but that's just because your podiatrist is next 70 00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:17,029 to the good dumpling place. 71 00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:18,904 - Could've done takeout. 72 00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:22,242 - They're not as good at room temperature. 73 00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:25,010 Deep down, you know that. 74 00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:28,805 - I love you. 75 00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:31,982 I just need a little space, just for a minute. 76 00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:36,122 - Oh, space, yeah. I'm fine with space. 77 00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:40,049 I love space. It's really nice because it teaches you 78 00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:43,917 to appreciate what you had before you took all the space. 79 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:47,697 So how long are we talking here, like, a week? 80 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,998 - Maybe a little longer. - Two? 81 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:56,204 You're just dumping me, aren't you? 82 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:59,206 - Yah! Yah! 83 00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:06,175 - Now I have a broken heart and a broken phone. 84 00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:10,783 Awesome. It's still working and live-streaming everything. 85 00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:18,261 - I think people will see that it was a mutual thing. 86 00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:20,992 [upbeat music] 87 00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:23,958 * 88 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,167 - * I know you see 89 00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:28,639 * Somehow the world will change for me * 90 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:32,869 [together] * And be so wonderful 91 00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:35,276 - * Live life, breathe air 92 00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:37,809 * I know somehow we're gonna get there * 93 00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:42,375 [together] * And feel so wonderful 94 00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:46,016 * It's all for real 95 00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:48,293 - * I'm telling you just how I feel * 96 00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:52,132 * So wake up the members of my nation * 97 00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:53,929 [together] * It's your time to be 98 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,901 - * There's no chance unless you take one * 99 00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:59,630 * And the time to see the brighter side * 100 00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:02,837 * Of every situation 101 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,510 * Some things are meant to be * 102 00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:08,178 * So give me your best and leave the rest to me * 103 00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:10,638 * Leave it all to me 104 00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,578 * Leave it all to me * 105 00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:15,653 * Just leave it all to me 106 00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:20,619 [upbeat music] 107 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,794 * 108 00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:31,771 - [sighs] 109 00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,169 Is it that time of day where 110 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,970 you drag your depression down the hall 111 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:38,272 from Spencer's apartment to ours? 112 00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:40,665 - He's getting ready for a sculpture premier party. 113 00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:41,938 I just want to stay here 114 00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:44,575 and re-watch every episode of "Law & Order." 115 00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:47,382 The murders will cheer me up. 116 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:50,445 - We're going to that party. - [groans] 117 00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:52,694 - Come on. - Harper. 118 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,220 You don't even like Spencer. 119 00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,494 - Yes, I do. 120 00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:56,923 Why am I lying? The man is a ding-dong. 121 00:05:56,957 --> 00:06:01,527 But I do find the dumber the man, the better the party. 122 00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,202 - Of course you want to go. 123 00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,930 For you, parties are a never-ending buffet of people 124 00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,636 who want to sleep with you. 125 00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:09,838 Cute guys, hot girls, 126 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,940 ridiculously gorgeous, non-binary lawyers 127 00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,942 who get your name tattooed on their thigh. 128 00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:16,114 - That only happened twice. 129 00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:17,683 - Me, on the other hand, 130 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,311 I feel like my face is now physically incapable 131 00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:21,947 of smiling. 132 00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:26,322 - Carly, look-- [phone ringing] 133 00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:28,763 - [gasps] 134 00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,119 - Beau's calling? 135 00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:31,527 - I can't talk to him. 136 00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,129 I'm not dating. I'm not making videos. 137 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,860 I'm too embarrassed about my life. 138 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:38,265 - You should be. Your legs look like Eugene Levy's eyebrows. 139 00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:39,898 - You said that was feminist. 140 00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:43,973 - Carly, look, I know this is hard. 141 00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:45,544 When my family lost all their money, 142 00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:46,773 all I wanted to do was curl up 143 00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,177 on the deck of our 50-foot sailboat 144 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:52,378 and cry, but I didn't. You know why? 145 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,782 - Because your dad sunk it for insurance. 146 00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:58,645 - And because I decided to look at it as an opportunity. 147 00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:00,146 I picked myself up. 148 00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:02,787 I applied for every job I could think of, 149 00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:05,263 and they all said I was unqualified. 150 00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:08,602 Then I got a minimum-wage job as Skybucks, 151 00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:11,999 and I'm still there four years later. 152 00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,642 - It had a happy-ending tone, but-- 153 00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:16,498 - Because it is happy. 154 00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:19,037 Accessorizing that tacky-ass apron made me realize 155 00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:20,812 that I want to be a stylist, 156 00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:23,641 and now I have a job and a dream 157 00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:26,247 and all the half-and-half I can drink. 158 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:30,419 - You're lactose intolerant. - My body, my choice. 159 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:34,220 Go to this party, take the first step, 160 00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:36,064 and if you don't take the first step 161 00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:40,029 in those black ankle boots, can I borrow them? 162 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:44,430 * 163 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,504 - Wow. I thought I was early, 164 00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:48,604 but there are so many people here already. 165 00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:51,266 - They're servers. I had them dress like guests, 166 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,414 so my friends wouldn't be all, "Ooh, look at Spencer 167 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,510 "with his waiters and his remodeled apartment 168 00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:59,113 and his Swarovski crystal boxer briefs." 169 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,276 Still just a regular guy. 170 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:03,183 - Gold-leaf martini? - Yes, please. 171 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,446 You can really taste the gold. 172 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:08,494 - Mm, Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. 173 00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:10,262 - You earned your success. You're the guy 174 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,530 who made the marshmallow White House sculpture. 175 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,360 The way that it was half melted to reflect 176 00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:19,204 our disintegrating democracy, such a brave statement. 177 00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:21,502 - It was an accident. 178 00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:23,195 I left it next to my cell phone, 179 00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,766 which broke out into a spontaneous fire. 180 00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:29,276 Anyway, now I own a falcon named Jericho. 181 00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:33,049 - [chuckles] Wow. I clearly did it all wrong. 182 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,080 Pursued my dreams, married for love. 183 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,875 Two divorces and a failed start-up later, 184 00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,917 I'm back living with my mom. 185 00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,952 Maybe instead of figuring out my next tech venture, 186 00:08:40,988 --> 00:08:43,458 I'll just melt some marshmallows. 187 00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:46,460 - I'll sue you into the ground. [clicks tongue] 188 00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:47,633 - Wow. I clearly did it all wrong. 189 00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:48,961 Oh, no. 190 00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:50,826 Pursued my dreams, married for love-- 191 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,604 Millicent, do not post that. 192 00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:55,303 - [shushes] I'm making content. 193 00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:57,195 - Told you just stop recording me. 194 00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:58,737 I'm back living with my mom. 195 00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:01,142 - Just because you adopted me doesn't make you my dad. 196 00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:02,614 - I'm back living with my mom. 197 00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:07,683 Literally, it does. That is exactly what it means. 198 00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:10,215 - And send. 199 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:13,420 Can you like it to give it some traction? 200 00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:18,433 - "Can you like it to give it some traction, please?" 201 00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:21,058 - I'm setting a timer for exactly five minutes. 202 00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:24,064 After that, it's back to numbly eating frozen french fries 203 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:25,667 straight from the bag. 204 00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:28,299 - Oh, good. You guys came. So what did you bring the host? 205 00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:33,565 - It's half-and-half. Where's the bar? 206 00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:36,907 - Hi, Carly. How's retirement? 207 00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:38,254 - I'm not retired. 208 00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,178 - You haven't posted for a month. 209 00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:43,323 In internet years, that's a decade. 210 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:46,890 It's okay, Carly. Go into the light. 211 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,890 - Your channel has two subscribers. 212 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:51,563 I know. I'm one of them. 213 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:55,731 - Ugh. Now people are going to think my channel is for olds. 214 00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:58,903 - Okay, can I have everyone's attention, please? 215 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,702 Thank you. Okay. While Carly is still here-- 216 00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:04,265 - One minute, 45 seconds to go. 217 00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:05,944 - Years ago I created a sculpture 218 00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,613 with the most moving parts, 219 00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:11,111 unwittingly breaking a Jonas World Record. 220 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:16,354 I've since lost that title, but tonight I shall reclaim it. 221 00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:20,053 Behold, the "Supertastic Sculpture of Stuff..." 222 00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:21,917 [bell rings] 223 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,015 "Plus." 224 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:26,026 [applause] 225 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,829 - Impressive. Is it different from the old one? 226 00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:33,772 - No. It is the old one, just with more stuff. 227 00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:36,641 Hence the plus. 228 00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:40,340 - I'm not unamused. - I'm full-on amused. 229 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:43,143 - Are we all looking at the same thing? 230 00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:45,276 That big, old pile of junk? 231 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,782 - It's art. 232 00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:49,884 Not everyone has to like it. Why don't you like it? 233 00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:52,147 - It's just the same thing you did before 234 00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,985 with a few new pieces, right? 235 00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:58,962 - Will somebody put down their gold drink and defend me? 236 00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,592 - I will. 237 00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:03,397 The reason this is genius is-- [phone ringing] 238 00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:05,770 And I'm out. Night, guys. 239 00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:08,299 - Freddie, finish her thought, please. 240 00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:11,565 - Okay. Um. 241 00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:14,674 - Carly? Carly Shay from Camp Lakehorn? 242 00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:19,648 - Luke? Luke Tyler also from Camp Lakehorn? 243 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,549 - Are you leaving? - No. 244 00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:24,891 I'm just holding the door for your girlfriend. 245 00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:26,948 - I'm single. 246 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,757 - Oh, my God. We have so much in common. 247 00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:37,872 - I can't believe we found each other again. 248 00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:39,468 I just want to know everything about you. 249 00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:41,099 What does your dad do? 250 00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:45,344 - Well, he's in the Air Force but was somehow on a submarine. 251 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:50,612 And I'm not exactly sure. 252 00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:56,353 - Okay. What's your mom like? - Uh--I-- 253 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,623 let's go back to my dad. 254 00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:02,191 - So you hot-glued a bunch of random stuff on there 255 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:05,132 to keep a plaque, then threw yourself a party? 256 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:09,098 - It's not a plaque. It's a certificate. 257 00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:12,899 I need to eat my feelings. 258 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:17,103 Not a waiter? 259 00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:19,507 - When I got back from Italy, I went to college. 260 00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:21,979 I tried theater and media studies, 261 00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:24,179 but I felt like I got more out of doing "iCarly" 262 00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:27,611 then at any boring old lecture. So what do you do? 263 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:30,047 - I'm a college professor. 264 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:33,093 - But I bet whatever you teach is super meaningful. 265 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:37,320 - I specialize in the mouthfeel of certain viscous foods. 266 00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:39,927 - Yep, super meaningful. 267 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,300 - Trust me, I am in no place to date. 268 00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:46,229 - See, just that self-awareness tells me you totally are. 269 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:49,896 - They're out of spicy tuna cones, so I'm going to dip. 270 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:55,035 - That's my stepdaughter. I share custody with my ex, 271 00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:58,145 who divorced me and took all my nice shirts. 272 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:02,249 [cheers and applause] 273 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,752 - Oh, there you are. 274 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,823 Millicent, I drew your bath, and, Freddie--Freddie! 275 00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:09,724 I put your warm milk in your Thermos next to your bed. 276 00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:11,386 And if you're both good, I'll let you snuggle with me 277 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:14,904 for ten minutes and watch "Toledo House Flip." 278 00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:19,198 - Oh, my gosh. Come on, Freddie, "Toledo House Flip." 279 00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:25,314 - So are we done here? Great. Thank you. 280 00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:28,808 - Luke, I don't normally do this on the first night, 281 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:33,682 but should we go somewhere a little more comfortable? 282 00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:39,086 I hope you still respect me after this. 283 00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,249 Okay. So in the criminal justice system, 284 00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:42,718 the people are represented 285 00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:45,885 by two separate yet equally important groups, right? 286 00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:48,256 There's the police, who investigate crime, 287 00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:52,565 and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. 288 00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:54,329 These are their stories. 289 00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:57,337 [upbeat music] 290 00:13:57,370 --> 00:14:00,310 * 291 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,240 - Carly, is that you? 292 00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,705 You're normally catatonic until noon, 293 00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:07,014 when you gather enough energy to cry. 294 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:08,377 - It's me. 295 00:14:08,415 --> 00:14:12,345 Help yourself to a mimosa. Pancakes are on the way. 296 00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:15,085 - You made breakfast, you showered, you're happy. 297 00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:17,192 I'm thrilled. What's happening? 298 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:20,764 - [mouths words] - Fate. Fate is happening. 299 00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,503 Did you know I was about to leave, 300 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:23,959 I set a timer, it went off 301 00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:27,767 I opened the door and there he was, Luke. 302 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,240 - No. Ugh. 303 00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:30,939 You were texting in the group chat until, 304 00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:32,471 like, 3:00 a.m. last night. 305 00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:36,175 I swore I would never mute my bestie, but you tested me. 306 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,381 - Why does it look so nice in here? 307 00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:43,953 - I'm just so happy about reconnecting with Luke. 308 00:14:43,984 --> 00:14:45,994 Did you know I was about to leave? 309 00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,519 together: I set a timer and when it went off, 310 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:51,185 I opened the door and there he was, 311 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,734 Luke. 312 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,200 - Millicent doesn't know the story. 313 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,698 - Don't care. 314 00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,870 - Fine. I set a timer, then it went off. 315 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:03,739 I opened the door and there he was, Luke. 316 00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:05,310 - Wait a minute. 317 00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:08,308 Why is there a framed picture of Luke on that table? 318 00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:10,011 - Oh, it's just from his Instagram. 319 00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:11,343 It's totally normal. 320 00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:13,808 - Flowers, the pancakes. 321 00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:19,116 - The showering. This is too nice for us. 322 00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:20,322 - What? 323 00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:23,193 I can't do something nice for my friends 324 00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:24,893 and Beau to prove that I won the break-up? 325 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,334 [all gasp] 326 00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:27,389 [doorbell rings] 327 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,557 - What have you done? 328 00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:33,496 - I figured since I'm so happy and in such a good place, 329 00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:37,373 it's the perfect time to reach out to Beau. 330 00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:42,544 - Carly. Carly, Carly, Carly and friends. 331 00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:44,875 Friends, friends, friends. 332 00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:48,681 So excited for brunch, but first, 333 00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:51,175 Carly, can we talk a sec? 334 00:15:51,218 --> 00:15:52,348 - I'll get the water. - You got that oatmeal? 335 00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:54,245 - I'm going to read the newspaper. 336 00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:57,418 - Thanks for having me over. I'm glad we can catch up 337 00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:01,727 because I wanted you to hear it from me first. 338 00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:04,401 I'm seeing someone. [all gasp] 339 00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:05,571 - We doing eggs? - Current events. 340 00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:08,938 - So creamy. 341 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,468 - Good for you, Beau. 342 00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:13,743 - And we're doing a new channel together. 343 00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:16,143 [all gasp] - What? 344 00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:21,146 - Well, I'm dating someone too. Luke. We have history. 345 00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:24,781 He's a professor, so our connection is really cerebral 346 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,647 but also physical and emotional. 347 00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,657 All the connections you can have with a person, 348 00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:32,189 we have, plus more. 349 00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:34,755 This is his face. - That's awesome. 350 00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:39,274 - It is, and we're starting a channel together too. 351 00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:41,129 - What? - Wow. 352 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:45,238 - This is goat milk! - We don't even get the paper. 353 00:16:45,272 --> 00:16:48,282 - You know, because comedy and mouthfeel science 354 00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:50,508 are such a natural fit. 355 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:53,583 - Sure. Sure. When are going to drop your first video? 356 00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:56,183 - Uh, Friday. 357 00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:59,086 - Wow. We're dropping Friday too. 358 00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:01,289 - And we're launching live. 359 00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:04,661 - Premiere live? That's crazy risky. 360 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,361 Look at you. 361 00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:07,763 I got to run to the bathroom, 362 00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:11,064 but then I want to hear all about this channel. 363 00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:19,374 - Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. 364 00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:21,036 Why did I just say I'm launching a channel 365 00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:22,344 with a total stranger? 366 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,835 - Now wait a minute. 367 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:27,906 Y'all went to camp. You two made s'mores. 368 00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:30,517 - Right. We have that. 369 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,690 You know what? This is going to totally work. 370 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,289 Luke and I are going to kill it. 371 00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:35,591 - You will? - Really? 372 00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:37,022 - Luke? 373 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:37,986 - You will. - Really! 374 00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:39,764 - Luke! 375 00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:46,998 - I love this place. 376 00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:49,643 - Just a heads up, they only serve whey here. 377 00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:52,909 - Like, whey protein that you put in a smoothie? 378 00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:55,009 - No, like the watery part of milk 379 00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:57,881 that remains after the formation of curds. 380 00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:01,980 Divine mouthfeel. 381 00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:05,654 - Do all these people know this? 382 00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:07,215 So I have something really exciting to tell you-- 383 00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:12,434 - Mm, mm, mm! Classic Seattle tap. 384 00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:15,199 That slightly unctuous texture. 385 00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:21,201 - Very wet. - Mm-hmm. 386 00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:22,374 - And so I was going to tell you that-- 387 00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:24,242 - Here is our Bavarian goat whey, 388 00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:28,981 fermented at an altitude of just under 10,000 feet. 389 00:18:29,008 --> 00:18:31,478 Enjoy. 390 00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:34,775 - If you get a chunk, that's considered good luck. 391 00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:36,684 Bottoms up. 392 00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:43,963 [Luke moaning] 393 00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:46,790 - Guess I got lucky. [chuckles] 394 00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,156 So the thing I was going to tell you-- 395 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:53,525 - [gargling] 396 00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:56,841 - I'll wait. 397 00:18:56,869 --> 00:19:00,239 - [gargling] 398 00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:02,143 - Yeah. We're done. 399 00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:04,605 [upbeat music] 400 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,484 - You wanted to see me? - Yes. 401 00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:09,283 Okay. Which one of these things 402 00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:12,586 can I add to the sculpture to make you like it? 403 00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:15,049 - Spencer, that's not what this is-- 404 00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:16,757 are those my sunglasses? 405 00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:20,129 - Maybe, or maybe they're art. - Oh, come on. 406 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,489 Who cares what I think? 407 00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:24,858 - Me! Me cares. - But why does "me" care? 408 00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:26,767 Look, just because I'm young, cool 409 00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,969 and probably the hottest person you'll ever meet in real life? 410 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,801 - Yeah, all those. - When you made the sculpture, 411 00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:34,808 you were inspired, and you loved it. 412 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:37,341 That's all that matters. 413 00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:39,247 - I'll buy you a car if you say you like it. 414 00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:42,109 - You are lucky I do not have parking. 415 00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:44,278 * 416 00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:46,421 - I needed this. 417 00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:48,323 I had discarded dairy juice for dinner. 418 00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:51,085 - No way. - Yes, whey. 419 00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:53,663 Why did I ever think I should start a channel with Luke? 420 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,503 Am I that desperate for a partner? 421 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,958 Don't answer that, still talking. 422 00:19:57,997 --> 00:19:59,227 [sighs] 423 00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:00,666 I just want to make things again. 424 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,870 - You don't need a partner to do that. 425 00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:06,042 - Yeah. I don't need a partner. I need Sam, 426 00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:08,942 but she's off following her bliss with that biker gang. 427 00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:12,345 - The Obliteraters. I hope she's okay. 428 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:16,019 - It's Sam. I hope they're okay. 429 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,888 I just wish she was here so we could do "iCarly" again. 430 00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:20,588 - Mm. 431 00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,592 Do you think I could do it on my own? 432 00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:27,164 - Doesn't matter what I think. It matters what you want. 433 00:20:27,193 --> 00:20:30,833 - Of course, I wouldn't be completely on my own. 434 00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:32,303 I'd have my new producer. 435 00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:36,472 - Aw. You do mean me, right? - Yeah. 436 00:20:36,503 --> 00:20:37,873 Do you think you could shoot me 437 00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:41,844 using that filter that makes my cheekbones all-- 438 00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:43,784 - That filter that makes you look like an alien? 439 00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:46,480 - A sexy alien. 440 00:20:46,513 --> 00:20:50,583 - Sure. I guess there's just one more question. 441 00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:53,587 - If Spencer ever got around to building that home gym. 442 00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:03,757 - I was never going to use a home gym. 443 00:21:06,533 --> 00:21:10,143 - Ah! - Oh, that's right. 444 00:21:10,169 --> 00:21:12,609 I forgot about my marionette-making phase. 445 00:21:12,639 --> 00:21:16,379 I keep them up here because it's away from the knives. 446 00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:18,879 - Mm, why does that one look like Carly? 447 00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:20,581 - I made one that looks like you too, Freddie, 448 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:25,253 but I sold it to Nora Dershlit. 449 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:26,924 - Is this a good idea? 450 00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,863 I mean, what would I even do on the show? 451 00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:32,158 Old, goofy stuff, new, sophisticated stuff? 452 00:21:32,191 --> 00:21:36,401 - Just find something that makes you smile. Go from there. 453 00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:39,069 - Those dachshunds always made me smile. 454 00:21:39,098 --> 00:21:40,368 Who put those up there? 455 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,440 - I've never seen those before in my life. 456 00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:49,875 - Aw. The idiot farm girl. 457 00:21:49,909 --> 00:21:53,809 You know what? This really does look like a squirrel. 458 00:21:53,846 --> 00:21:58,116 Oh, my God. The sack. These were so fun. 459 00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:01,120 - Yeah, until Sam superglued my drawstring closed 460 00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:02,993 and left me here overnight. 461 00:22:03,022 --> 00:22:04,722 - Yeah. That was a rough night for me too. 462 00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:07,957 He would not stop screaming. 463 00:22:07,994 --> 00:22:11,364 - George, the bra that told ghost stories. 464 00:22:11,398 --> 00:22:14,568 I never did grow into you. 465 00:22:14,601 --> 00:22:17,371 - See, you came up with all this stuff when you were a kid. 466 00:22:17,404 --> 00:22:18,944 Imagine what you can do now. 467 00:22:18,971 --> 00:22:21,371 - And we'll help however we can. 468 00:22:21,408 --> 00:22:27,608 - I'm really glad to hear you say that because... 469 00:22:27,647 --> 00:22:30,777 I thought it might still be here. 470 00:22:30,817 --> 00:22:34,417 - Damn it. - [chuckles] 471 00:22:34,454 --> 00:22:36,064 - We're back. 472 00:22:36,088 --> 00:22:39,658 - In five, four, 473 00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:42,362 three, two-- 474 00:22:42,395 --> 00:22:45,765 - Welcome to the new "iCarly." 475 00:22:45,798 --> 00:22:47,898 - Ooh, looks like she's already got a few viewers. 476 00:22:47,934 --> 00:22:50,874 - Probably bots from Brazil. 477 00:22:50,903 --> 00:22:54,143 - This is still "iCarly," but it's grown-up now. 478 00:22:54,173 --> 00:22:56,783 So today I thought I'd share my skin-care routine. 479 00:22:56,809 --> 00:22:59,579 According to the many, many targeted ads I get, 480 00:22:59,612 --> 00:23:03,182 it's never too early to start using... 481 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:06,285 anti-aging products! 482 00:23:06,318 --> 00:23:09,688 Even for Baby Spencer. 483 00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:13,032 - Yeah! That's me! 484 00:23:13,059 --> 00:23:15,699 - None of these products were tested on animals, 485 00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:18,258 just one tiny, little lucky infant. 486 00:23:18,297 --> 00:23:22,367 - Oh, I feel lucky! In no way am I worried. 487 00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:24,641 - [laughs] 488 00:23:24,671 --> 00:23:27,941 - Here we go. - Oh. 489 00:23:27,974 --> 00:23:29,714 - Oh, I think he needs a lot more. 490 00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:32,982 - Some more? - No. That's enough already. 491 00:23:33,012 --> 00:23:34,682 [shouts] 492 00:23:34,714 --> 00:23:37,554 I don't think this is how you do it. 493 00:23:37,584 --> 00:23:39,124 - I love this serum. 494 00:23:39,151 --> 00:23:41,151 I actually panic-bought it when I was at a 7-Eleven, 495 00:23:41,187 --> 00:23:43,117 and the guy there called me ma'am. 496 00:23:43,155 --> 00:23:44,715 - I don't know what he's so upset about. 497 00:23:44,757 --> 00:23:47,287 I pay people to do this to me. 498 00:23:47,326 --> 00:23:49,426 - They say that by the time you need skin care, 499 00:23:49,462 --> 00:23:50,862 it's already too late, 500 00:23:50,897 --> 00:23:52,427 but you should still spend all your money on it. 501 00:23:52,465 --> 00:23:55,025 And in the end, it's just an expensive reminder 502 00:23:55,067 --> 00:23:57,237 we're all going to die someday. 503 00:23:57,269 --> 00:24:01,969 - That's a little emo for a comedy show, don't you think? 504 00:24:02,008 --> 00:24:03,238 - Sheet mask. - What? 505 00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:07,145 - Yup. Here you go. - Ah! No! 506 00:24:07,179 --> 00:24:08,979 - People are weirdly loving this. 507 00:24:09,015 --> 00:24:11,275 - I'm totally hating it! 508 00:24:11,317 --> 00:24:14,247 - Enough of that, baby. And now we're just going to... 509 00:24:14,286 --> 00:24:15,556 - That's cold. 510 00:24:15,588 --> 00:24:17,018 - Roll it all up. - I don't like that feeling. 511 00:24:17,056 --> 00:24:18,856 - And we're going to absorb... - Ow. 512 00:24:18,891 --> 00:24:21,531 - All the moisturizer. - It's cold. 513 00:24:21,561 --> 00:24:22,831 - You ready for the lip mask? 514 00:24:22,862 --> 00:24:25,032 - Oh, I don't know what it is, but I am. 515 00:24:25,064 --> 00:24:26,804 - Right here. - Okay. 516 00:24:26,833 --> 00:24:30,403 - Okay. You're going to want to keep your mouth nice and shut. 517 00:24:30,436 --> 00:24:31,966 - That sounds good. 518 00:24:32,004 --> 00:24:34,114 - This lip mask is actually made out of laundry detergent. 519 00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:35,310 - [sputters and shouts] 520 00:24:35,341 --> 00:24:37,841 - Kinda of seems like we never left. 521 00:24:37,877 --> 00:24:40,677 [upbeat music] 522 00:24:40,713 --> 00:24:43,183 - A toast to my sister, Carly. 523 00:24:43,215 --> 00:24:45,245 - To Carly. - To Carly. 524 00:24:45,284 --> 00:24:49,094 - Also I decided not to call the Jonas people. 525 00:24:49,121 --> 00:24:51,321 Let someone else have the world record. 526 00:24:51,357 --> 00:24:52,927 It's not why I made the sculpture, 527 00:24:52,959 --> 00:24:55,929 and it's not why I love it. 528 00:24:55,962 --> 00:24:58,902 - Still not for me. - Damn it. 529 00:24:58,931 --> 00:25:00,871 - I think the sculpture is great. 530 00:25:00,900 --> 00:25:02,030 Do all the pieces still move? 531 00:25:02,068 --> 00:25:04,268 - You tell me. 532 00:25:04,303 --> 00:25:05,373 [whirring] 533 00:25:05,404 --> 00:25:06,644 [clattering] 534 00:25:06,673 --> 00:25:08,473 [electricity crackles] 535 00:25:14,013 --> 00:25:18,823 - I--I love it. 536 00:25:18,851 --> 00:25:21,421 - You do? - Absolutely. 537 00:25:21,453 --> 00:25:24,063 It's about setting your own self on fire 538 00:25:24,090 --> 00:25:28,860 and then rebuilding from the ashes like a phoenix. 539 00:25:28,895 --> 00:25:31,555 - If you want to oversimplify it, sure. 540 00:25:31,598 --> 00:25:33,028 - You know, you really had me going 541 00:25:33,065 --> 00:25:34,965 with the whole world record thing, 542 00:25:35,001 --> 00:25:37,001 but I guess that was just a part of it. 543 00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:38,466 Performance art. 544 00:25:38,504 --> 00:25:41,444 [flames crackling] 545 00:25:45,044 --> 00:25:48,454 - It wasn't supposed to catch on fire, was it? 546 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:50,450 - Never is. 547 00:25:50,500 --> 00:25:55,050 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 40834

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.