Original subtitles

>> HI.

LISTEN, I NOTICED YOU SITTING

HERE BY YOURSELF, AND I THOUGHT

MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO MEET A NICE

GUY.

HI. I'M KEVIN.

>> THANKS, KEVIN.

BUT I'D JUST LIKE TO FINISH MY

VODKA GIMLET IN PEACE.

>> SURE. I UNDERSTAND.

>> Mandersohn: IT'S A FAMILIAR

SITUATION.

YOU GO OUT TO A SINGLES BAR AND

LEAVE THE WAY YOU CAME IN --

SINGLE.

HI.

I'M NOTED EXPERT

RANDALL TYREE MANDERSOHN.

AND I USED TO BE IN THE SAME

BOAT, A BOAT I CALLED THE

TITANIC, 'CAUSE I WAS ALWAYS

GETTING SUNK.

I HAD A HOLE IN MY HEART THAT I

JUST COULDN'T FIX.

>> WHAT DID YOU DO?

>> Mandersohn: SURGERY, KEVIN.

BUT I ALSO HAD A METAPHORICAL

HOLE IN MY HEART THAT I ALSO

FIXED.

SO KEEP WATCHING, AND I'M GONNA

SHOW YOU HOW TO FILL YOUR HEART

HOLE...WITH "YOU'RE WHOLE."

[ INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> Mandersohn: [ Chuckling ]

HEY! HI! GOOD TO SEE YOU!

THANKS FOR COMING!

OKAY, OKAY! LET'S GET TO WORK.

RIDDLE --

IT DOESN'T COST ANYTHING, BUT

IT'S PRICELESS.

IT HAS NO CALORIES, BUT IT FILLS

YOU UP.

YOU CAN'T WEAR IT, BUT IT KEEPS

YOU WARM.

WHAT IS IT?

ANYBODY?

>> IS IT A TEA KETTLE?

>> Mandersohn: [ CHUCKLES ]

GOOD GUESS, BUT NO.

GIVE UP?

>> All: MM-HMM.

>> Mandersohn: IT'S LOVE.

THE ANSWER...IS LOVE.

[ ALL MURMUR ]

WELCOME TO "YOU'RE WHOLE," MY

27-DVD COLLECTION THAT WILL

TEACH YOU HOW TO LIVE THE LIFE

YOU'RE LIVING WITH LIFE.

TODAY, WE'RE GOING TO FOCUS ON

WHAT A DEAD SINGER ONCE CALLED

"THE GREATEST GIFT OF ALL."

>> LOVE.

WHERE DOES IT COME FROM?

>> HOW DO I FIND IT?

>> HOW DO I KEEP IT?

>> WHAT ABOUT PERIOD SEX?

>> Mandersohn: DO THESE

QUESTIONS SOUND FAMILIAR?

IF SO, YOU'RE READY FOR DVD 8 IN

THE "YOU'RE WHOLE" SERIES --

"FINDING LOVE."

REMEMBER THIS PLACE?

THAT'S RIGHT.

WE'VE PAINSTAKINGLY RECREATED

THE SINGLES BAR FROM THE

BEGINNING OF THE SHOW AND ALSO

INVITED BACK MY FRIEND KEVIN.

KEVIN, COME ON OUT HERE!

>> WOW!

THIS LOOKS JUST LIKE MY

NEIGHBORHOOD SINGLES BAR!

>> Mandersohn: YES, WE

PAINSTAKINGLY RECREATED IT.

KEVIN, REMEMBER THAT GIRL YOU

SPOKE WITH EARLIER?

>> YEAH. SHE SURE SHOT ME DOWN.

>> Mandersohn: WELL, GUESS WHAT?

WE'VE PAINSTAKINGLY RECREATED

HER AND BROUGHT HER HERE TODAY.

LET'S BRING HER OUT NOW.

COME ON OUT HERE, KIM!

I BELIEVE THE LADY ORDERED A

VODKA GIMLET.

KEVIN, SAY HELLO TO KIM.

KIM, THIS IS KEVIN.

>> I REALLY WANT TO APOLOGIZE

FOR BEING SO FORWARD THE OTHER

NIGHT, I --

>> Shh.

>> Mandersohn: AND THAT'S HOW

YOU FIND LOVE.

NOW LET'S MEET SOME FAMILIAR

FACES LOOKING FOR LOVE.

YOU KNOW THEM AS THE FLOATING

HEADS FROM THE INTRODUCTION TO

THIS SECTION, BUT I KNOW THEM AS

FOUR LONELY PEOPLE LOOKING FOR

LOVE.

HI, GUYS.

>> All: HI.

>> Mandersohn: WHY DON'T YOU

PAIR UP AND MAKE OUT A LITTLE?

AND THAT'S HOW YOU FIND LOVE.

[ APPLAUSE ]

SO, GUYS, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

>> YOU MAKE IT SEEM SO EASY,

RANDALL.

>> Mandersohn: IT IS EASY,

FRIEND, AS LONG AS YOU REMEMBER

THESE THREE LETTERS --

U.T.T.

"USE THE TONGUE."

SAY IT WITH ME.

>> All: USE THE TONGUE.

>> Mandersohn: GREAT.

I CAN SEE THAT YOU GUYS ARE DOWN

WITH U.T.T.

[ LAUGHING ]

MY EXCLUSIVE SYSTEM WILL TEACH

YOU THE RIGHT WAY TO USE THE

TONGUE TO FIND LOVE AND TO LOSE

ALL THE WEIGHT!

WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'RE GONNA

FIND LOVE THE OLD-FASHIONED

WAY -- WITH MONEY!

>> Mandersohn: I'M

RANDALL TYREE MANDERSOHN, NOTED

EXPERT AND TOTALLY BLIND.

WITH ME IS MY BEAUTIFUL ORIENTAL

WIFE, PAM.

PAM AND I ARE GONNA TEACH YOU

SOME OF OUR PATENTED TONGUE

EXERCISES FROM DVD 8,

"FINDING LOVE."

PAM, WHY DON'T YOU GET US

STARTED?

>> OKAY.

THIS IS CALLED "ROUND ROBIN."

THIS IS "DOORBELL."

THIS IS "CHICKEN IN BASKET."

>> Mandersohn: OKAY.

TAKE A BREAK, EVERYBODY.

IF YOU ORDER NOW, YOU'LL GET ALL

THESE U.T.T. EXERCISES, PLUS

"PENNY IN A SHOEBOX,"

"DOG SNEEZE,"

"A LITTLE TOO MUCH PEPPER,"

"BABY'S FIRST NACHO," AND

THOUSANDS MORE!

AND I'LL ALSO INCLUDE A

1963 BUFFALO-HEAD NICKEL,

ABSOLUTELY FREE!

>> WE'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.

>> AND WE LOVE THE BUFFALO-HEAD

NICKEL.

>> Mandersohn: WE'RE BACK.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

>> GILLI.

>> Mandersohn: GILLI, WHAT IF I

TOLD YOU I'D LIKE TO TAKE YOU

OUT ON A DATE?

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> I'D LOVE TO, BUT I'M MARRIED.

>> Mandersohn: FAIR ENOUGH.

BUT WHAT IF I TOLD YOU I HAD...

$80 TO SPEND ON OUR DATE?

>> I SHOULDN'T.

BUT I WOULD LOVE TO!

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

>> Mandersohn: EXACTLY.

SIT BACK DOWN.

WE'RE NOT GOING ON A DATE.

FRIENDS, I'D LIKE TO SPEND SOME

TIME TALKING ABOUT DVD 26 IN THE

"YOU'RE WHOLE" SERIES -- "MONEY

MAY NOT BUY HAPPINESS, BUT IT

SURE CAN BUY LOVE!

AND LOVE IS EVEN BETTER THAN

HAPPINESS."

IN THIS EXCLUSIVE DVD, I'LL SHOW

YOU HOW TO USE THE POWER OF

AMERICAN MONEY TO BUY LOVE.

SOUND GOOD?

[ ALL MURMUR IN AGREEMENT ]

LET'S GO!

NOW I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO

SOMEBODY VERY SPECIAL -- MY

FRIEND JAVID.

YOU MIGHT NOT RECOGNIZE JAVID'S

FACE, BUT I BET YOU'LL RECOGNIZE

HIS INVENTION, BECAUSE IT'S

SOMETHING ALL OF US USE EVERY

SINGLE DAY.

JAVID, WHAT DID YOU INVENT?

>> THE CRINKLE FRY.

>> Mandersohn: THE CRINKLE FRY.

HOW ABOUT THAT?

[ APPLAUSE ]

JAVID, I'VE GOT TO ASK.

HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THE

IDEA FOR THE CRINKLE FRY?

>> I'VE GOT TO THANK YOU FOR

THAT, RANDALL.

>> Mandersohn: ME? BUT WHY?

>> I USED TO BE A SHORT-ORDER

COOK WITH NO FUTURE.

THEN I PURCHASED "YOU'RE WHOLE"

AND INVENTED THE CRINKLE FRY.

>> Mandersohn: THAT'S A GREAT

STORY.

BUT WE'RE NOT HERE TO TALK ABOUT

CRINKLE FRIES, ARE WE?

>> NO, SIR.

WE'RE HERE TO TALK ABOUT LOVE.

AND I WANT YOU TO MEET THE LOVE

OF MY LIFE -- MY SECOND WIFE,

LIMBER.

>> Mandersohn: HI, LIMBER.

>> HI!

>> Mandersohn: GOOD LUCK, NOT

ONLY WITH YOUR LOVE, BUT ALSO

WITH CRINKLE FRIES.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

WASN'T THAT A GREAT STORY?

DVD 26 IS FILLED WITH GREAT

IDEAS ABOUT USING MONEY TO BUY

LOVE.

GILLI, REMEMBER THAT DATE I

PROMISED YOU BEFORE?

I MIGHT'VE BEEN KIDDING ABOUT

THE DATE, BUT I WASN'T KIDDING

ABOUT THE $80.

HERE YOU GO.

TAKE YOUR HUSBAND TO A FIVE-STAR

RESTAURANT.

[ LAUGHS ]

>> I LOVE YOU, RANDALL.

>> Mandersohn: YOU HEAR THAT,

EVERYBODY?

SHE LOVES ME!

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND ALL IT TOOK WAS $80!

[ LAUGHTER QUIETS ]

I WONDER WHAT SHE'D DO FOR $100.

[ LAUGHTER STOPS ]

HERE.

HERE'S 20 MORE DOLLARS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

IF YOU STILL HAVEN'T FOUND LOVE,

DON'T WORRY, BECAUSE WHEN WE

COME BACK, I'VE GOT A SUREFIRE

WAY TO FIND YOUR SOUL MATE ON A

BICYCLE BUILT FOR...

ONE?

[ LAUGHS ]

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. WHOO!

ORANGES. APPLES AND ORANGES.

WELCOME BACK.

YOU KNOW, WE'VE MET SOME PRETTY

INCREDIBLE PEOPLE TODAY.

BUT AS USUAL, I'VE SAVED THE

BEST FOR LAST.

I WANT TO INTRODUCE YOU TO

"YOU'RE WHOLE" GRADUATES RICKY

AND RACHEL.

LET'S HEAR THEIR STORY.

>> I WAS LONELY.

>> I WANTED LOVE.

>> BUT THEN I PURCHASED

"YOU'RE WHOLE."

>> I NEVER WOULD'VE MET RICKY

WITHOUT DVD 10.

>> DVD 10 CHANGED MY LIFE.

>> Both: THANKS, RANDALL!

>> Mandersohn: SO WHAT'S THE

SECRET IN DVD 10 THAT BROUGHT

RICKY AND RACHEL TOGETHER?

I THINK WHEN YOU MEET THEM,

YOU'LL UNDERSTAND.

HERE THEY ARE -- RICKY AND

RACHEL!

[ LAUGHS ]

THEY'RE UNICYCLING!

[ CHUCKLES ]

THAT'S THE SECRET!

IT'S DVD 10 IN THE

"YOU'RE WHOLE" SERIES --

"UNICYCLING"!

RICKY, RACHEL, YOU'RE A GREAT

COUPLE.

TELL US HOW YOU MET.

>> WE HAVE YOU TO THANK FOR

THAT, RANDALL.

>> Mandersohn: ME? BUT WHY?

>> AFTER WATCHING DVD 10, I

DECIDED TO START UNICYCLING.

ON MY VERY FIRST DAY UNICYCLING

DOWN THE STREET, I SAW SOMEBODY

UNICYCLING TOWARDS ME.

>> Mandersohn: HOLD ON A SECOND.

TWO UNICYCLISTS ON THE SAME

STREET?

WHERE DO YOU LIVE --

CIRCUS-TOWN?

[ BOTH CHUCKLING ]

>> NO. WE LIVE IN MICHIGAN.

YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE WHO IT WAS

RIDING THAT UNICYCLE.

>> Mandersohn: I CAN'T EVEN

BEGIN TO GUESS.

>> IT WAS ME!

>> Mandersohn: RICKY, RACHEL, DO

YOU GUYS REMEMBER JAVID, THE

INVENTOR WHO CREATED THE CRINKLE

FRY?

WHILE WE'VE BEEN TALKING, JAVID

AND HIS SECOND WIFE, LIMBER,

HAVE BEEN LEARNING A BRAND-NEW

SKILL.

JAVID, LIMBER, COME ON OUT.

KEVIN, AND THAT LADY!

OH!

[ LAUGHS ]

RICKY AND RACHEL!

AND ONE MORE SURPRISE FOR

EVERYBODY -- CRINKLE FRIES!

[ ALL EXCLAIMING ]

WE'RE CHANGING LIVES EVERY

SINGLE DAY, FILLING YOUR HOLES

WITH "YOU'RE WHOLE."

I'M RANDALL TYREE MANDERSOHN.

WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME, AND

WE'LL SAVE SOME CRINKLE FRIES

FOR YA.

[ LAUGHING ]

HAVE SOME FRIES, EVERYBODY.

FRY?

ORDER "YOU'RE WHOLE" NOW FOR

THREE EASY PAYMENTS OF $19.99.

THAT'S $19.99.

YOU GET THE DVDs, MY EXCLUSIVE

U.T.T. EXERCISE SYSTEM, AND A

1963 BUFFALO-HEAD NICKEL.

CALL NOW.