Original subtitles

>> Mandersohn: HOMEWORK DRIVING

YOU NUTS?

GIRL TROUBLE?

PARENTS DIVORCING?

ARE YOU DOING DRUGS?

CUTTING YOURSELF?

TIM, ARE YOU CUTTING YOURSELF?

YO, YO, YO. WHAT'S UP?

AFTER SCHOOL, DO YOU WANT TO

GRAB A SLICE OF PIZZA?

I'M RANDALL TYREE MANDERSOHN,

CREATOR OF THE "YOU'RE WHOLE"

SYSTEM, THE LIFE-CHANGING LIFE

SYSTEM THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR

LIFE -- 27 DVDs THAT WILL HAVE

YOU FEELING BETTER, RUNNING

HARDER, AND READING UP TO

FIVE TIMES FASTER.

TIM NEVER MADE THAT CALL, AND

NOW HE'S GONE.

PARENTS, DON'T LET YOUR CHILD BE

TIM.

FILL YOUR HOLE WITH

"YOU'RE WHOLE."

[ INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ APPLAUSE ]

[ LAUGHS ]

THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU, AND WELCOME TO

"YOU'RE WHOLE."

I'M NOTED PUBLIC SPEAKER,

SUNSHINE ENTHUSIAST, AND

TWICE-PUBLISHED POET

RANDALL TYREE MANDERSOHN.

THANK YOU.

TONIGHT, WE'RE GONNA TAKE A LOOK

AT MY EXCLUSIVE SYSTEM THAT'S

BEEN PROVEN TO MAXIMIZE

PRODUCTIVITY, RAISE SCORES, AND

GET YOUR BODY MOVING.

AND, OH, YEAH -- DID I HAPPEN TO

MENTION THAT I'M TOTALLY BLIND?

[ APPLAUSE ]

DO YOU REMEMBER A FEW MOMENTS

AGO, I TALKED ABOUT GETTING YOUR

BODY MOVING?

WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE TRY

THAT RIGHT NOW?

[ CHUCKLES ]

FOLLOW ALONG WITH ME.

GREAT.

HERE WE GO.

[ Rapping ] WELL, MY NAME'S

RANDALL.

I LIKE TO RHYME.

I LIKE TO DO IT ALL THE TIME.

MY RAPS ARE GREAT.

MY BEATS ARE GREAT.

NOW LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT DVD 8.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WELCOME TO DVD 8 IN THE

"YOU'RE WHOLE" SYSTEM --

"DROPPIN' THE 'G'."

JOINING ME NOW TO TALK ABOUT

DROPPIN' THE "G" IS A PROFESSOR

OF LINGUISTICS AND SEMIOTICS AT

A COLLEGE, DR. ROBERT WEXLER.

WELCOME TO "YOU'RE WHOLE."

>> HELLO.

>> Mandersohn: DVD 8 WILL TEACH

YOU HOW TO LIVEN UP ANY

CONVERSATION BY DROPPIN' THE

"G."

LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT A CLIP, BUT

BEFORE WE DO, I WANT TO SAY

GOODBYE TO DR. ROBERT WEXLER.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

WISHING.

>> WISHIN'.

>> Mandersohn: FISHING.

>> FISHIN'.

>> Mandersohn: FISTING.

>> FISTIN'.

>> Mandersohn: GOOD.

NOW PUT IT TOGETHER.

>> I'M WISHIN' FOR FISHIN' AND

FISTIN'.

>> Mandersohn: ONE OF THE

SECRETS OF THE "YOU'RE WHOLE"

SYSTEM IS THAT "FUN ATTRACTS

FUN."

AND NOTHING'S MORE FUN THAN...

>> All: DROPPIN' THE "G."

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Mandersohn: BY 'EORGE, I

THINK THEY'VE GOT IT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHEN WE RETURN, YOU'RE GOING TO

LEARN SOME STARTLING SECRETS

ABOUT AN ANCIENT CIVILIZATION

THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

ALMOST THERE. KEEP GOING!

GREAT RUN, PAM.

GO TAKE ANOTHER LAP.

HI.

I'M RANDALL TYREE MANDERSOHN,

AND THAT'S MY ORIENTAL WIFE,

PAM.

SHE'S HAVING A GREAT WORKOUT.

HOW DO I KNOW?

THIS LITTLE BABY RIGHT HERE --

THE RANDALL TYREE MANDERSOHN

STOPWATCH.

IT'S GOT ALL THE BEST FEATURES,

LIKE KEEPING TIME, A STRING TO

PUT AROUND YOUR NECK, AND SO

MUCH MORE.

NOW, YOU CAN'T BUY THESE IN

STORES, BECAUSE I'M GIVING THEM

AWAY WITH EVERY PURCHASE OF THE

"YOU'RE WHOLE" SYSTEM.

[ STOPWATCH BEEPS ]

WOW. GREAT WORKOUT, PAM.

AND IN RECORD TIME.

>> GREAT NEWS FOR ME.

>> Mandersohn: GREAT NEWS FOR

EVERYBODY.

WELCOME BACK TO "YOU'RE WHOLE."

NOW, I KNOW WHAT SOME OF YOU ARE

PROBABLY THINKING, AND NO, THIS

ISN'T LADY GAGA'S LATEST OUTFIT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THIS IS AN EXACT REPLICA OF AN

ACTUAL HAT WORN BY A PHARAOH IN

ANCIENT EGYPT.

NOW, THE ANCIENT EGYPTIANS WERE

RESPONSIBLE FOR MORE THAN JUST

FUNNY HATS.

THEY ALSO BUILT THE PYRAMIDS,

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE NEXT DVD

IN THE "YOU'RE WHOLE" SERIES --

DVD 24, "ANCIENT EGYPT."

[ EGYPTIAN MUSIC PLAYING ]

[ Foreign accent ] AH, HERE WE

ARE IN ANCIENT EGYPT, LAND OF

POWERFUL RULERS SUCH AS

KING TUTANKHAMEN, CLEOPATRA, AND

KING TUT.

BUT ALSO HOME TO A MORE HUMBLE

INHABITANT -- THE DOMESTICATED

AMERICAN FELINE, OTHERWISE KNOWN

AS...THE COMMON HOUSE CAT.

ANCIENT EGYPTIANS WERE THE FIRST

PEOPLE TO KEEP CATS AS PETS,

SOMETHING WE STILL DO TODAY.

[ Normal voice ] DVD 24 IS

FILLED WITH POWERFUL SECRETS

SUCH AS THESE THAT WILL IMPROVE

YOUR LIFE AND SAVE YOU MONEY AT

THE GROCERY STORE.

LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

>> JUST BARLEY TODAY, CATHY?

>> THAT'S RIGHT, JIM.

JUST BARLEY.

IT'S WHAT THE ANCIENT EGYPTIANS

ATE.

>> HOW ABOUT THAT?

YOU KNOW, I BET WE CAN LEARN A

LOT FROM THE ANCIENT EGYPTIANS.

>> WE SURE CAN.

>> Mandersohn: WHEN WE RETURN,

WE'RE DECORATING T-SHIRTS!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

AND WE'RE USING A SPECIAL KIND

OF PAINT!

YOU WON'T WANT TO MISS THIS!

GAY PEOPLE.

THEY'RE JUST LIKE REGULAR

PEOPLE.

AND JUST LIKE REGULAR PEOPLE,

THEY HAVE PROBLEMS.

GAY PROBLEMS.

HI.

I'M RANDALL TYREE MANDERSOHN.

YOU KNOW ME FROM THE

"YOU'RE WHOLE" SYSTEM FOR

PERSONAL GROWTH, AND THE

"YOU'RE FAMILY WHOLE" SYSTEM FOR

FAMILY GROWTH.

WELL, NOW I'M SO PROUD TO

INTRODUCE MY NEW COLLECTION FOR

PEOPLE WHO CHOOSE TO BE GAY.

IT'S "YOU'RE GAY WHOLE."

"YOU'RE GAY WHOLE" IS A 13-DVD

COLLECTION THAT WILL FIX ALL

YOUR GAY PROBLEMS.

>> I'M A GAY BOSS.

CAN "YOU'RE GAY WHOLE" HELP ME?

>> Mandersohn: SURE.

>> I'M A GAY DOCTOR WOMAN.

WILL "YOU'RE GAY WHOLE" HELP ME?

>> Mandersohn: YOU BET!

AND IF YOU HAVE A GAY LADY

PARTNER, IT WILL HELP HER, TOO.

AND IF YOU ORDER

"YOU'RE GAY WHOLE" NOW, I'LL

EVEN INCLUDE THIS

LIMITED-EDITION

RANDALL TYREE MANDERSOHN

STOPWATCH.

GREAT LAP, PAM. GO TAKE ANOTHER!

SO, LET "YOU'RE WHOLE" FILL YOUR

GAY HOLE WITH

"YOU'RE GAY WHOLE."

WELCOME BACK.

YOU KNOW, "YOU'RE WHOLE" IS THE

PERFECT SYSTEM FOR IMPROVING

YOUR LIFE AND LOSING ALL THE

WEIGHT, BECAUSE NOT ONLY DO WE

LEARN A LOT, WE ALSO LAUGH A

LOT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO

END TODAY WITH ONE OF MY

FAVORITE DVDs IN THE

"YOU'RE WHOLE" SYSTEM --

DVD 17, "PUFFY PAINTS."

PUFFY PAINTS ARE JUST LIKE

REGULAR PAINTS, BUT THEY DRY

PUFFY, MAKING THEM PERFECT FOR

ALL KINDS OF CRAFTS, ESPECIALLY

MY FAVORITE, T-SHIRT DECORATING.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO I THOUGHT IT'D BE A GREAT WAY

TO END TODAY BY HAVING OUR VERY

OWN PUFFY-PAINT T-SHIRT '50s

DANCE PARTY.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

I THINK THEY SAID "YES."

[ '50s MUSIC PLAYING ]

WELCOME TO OUR PUFFY PAINT '50s

DANCE PARTY!

[ AUDIENCE CHEERING ]

LET'S DO THE TWIST!

NOW LET'S GO SQUIRT OUT SOME

PUFFY PAINT!

NOW DO THE MASHED POTATO!

HAND JIVE!

DR. WEXLER!

[ CHEERING ]

NOW LET'S GO SQUIRT OUT SOME

MORE PUFFY PAINT!

WHOO!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

OKAY, EVERYBODY, LET'S SEE THOSE

T-SHIRTS.

WOW! INCREDIBLE!

LOOK AT HOW PUFFY THOSE PUFFY

PAINTS ARE.

GREAT JOB, EVERYBODY.

BUT NOW THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET

A LITTLE BIT MORE SERIOUS.

FRANNY, PLEASE STEP ON THE

SCALE.

FRANNY, YOU JUST LOST...

ALL THE WEIGHT.

CONGRATULATIONS!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!

FROM DROPPIN' THE "G," TO

ANCIENT EGYPT, TO PUFFY PAINTS,

TODAY WE'VE SEEN HOW

"YOU'RE WHOLE" IS CHANGING

LIVES.

WELL, WE STARTED TODAY WITH A

LITTLE BIT OF RHYTHM, SO I

THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD END THE

SAME WAY.

* WELL, MY NAME'S RANDALL,

AND IT'S A FACT *

* THOSE OTHER GROWTH SYSTEMS

ARE TOTALLY WHACK *

* THE "YOU'RE WHOLE" SYSTEM

IS NOTHING TO SNEEZE AT *

* IT'S 27 FULL DVDs AT

3 EASY PAYMENTS OF $19.99 *

* AND IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER

THAT I'M TOTALLY BLIND *

* TOTALLY BLIND

* TOTALLY BLIND

* TOTALLY BLIND

WELL, WE DID IT, EVERYBODY.

WE HAD A GREAT TIME, LEARNED A

LOT, AND MAYBE EVEN CHANGED SOME

LIVES.

BUT BEFORE WE GO, I'D LIKE TO

SHARE SELECTED PORTIONS OF A

LETTER I RECEIVED FROM

MARGARET HAVINGSWORTH OF DULUTH,

MINNESOTA, WHO PURCHASED THE

"YOU'RE WHOLE" SYSTEM.

>> "DEAR RANDALL TYREE

MANDERSOHN, I AM A 53-YEAR-OLD

MOTHER OF SIX.

LAST YEAR, MY HUSBAND DIED.

I PURCHASED "YOU'RE WHOLE."

MARGARET HAVINGSWORTH.

DULUTH, MINNESOTA."

>> Mandersohn: AND THAT'S WHY I

DO WHAT I DO -- FOR LETTERS LIKE

THOSE.

SEE YOU NEXT TIME, EVERYBODY!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> * THE WORLD IS CHANGIN'

* THE WORLD IS CHANGIN'

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE ]

* THE WORLD IS CHANGIN',

CHANGIN' *