Original subtitles

>> Mandersohn: DO YOU WANT

MONEY?

YOU CAN GET IT.

LOVE?

YOU CAN GET IT.

WHAT ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT?

YOU CAN LOSE ALL YOUR WEIGHT.

HOW?

JUST ASK THESE PEOPLE.

>> I GOT THE MONEY I NEEDED.

THANKS, RANDALL.

>> I GOT THE LOVE I DESERVED.

THANKS, RANDALL.

>> I LOST ALL THE WEIGHT.

THANKS, RANDALL.

>> Mandersohn: I'M RANDALL TYREE

MANDERSOHN.

I DEVOTED MY LIFE TO MAKING

THINGS HAPPEN, AND I DID IT ALL

WHILE BEING TOTALLY BLIND.

TONIGHT, I'M GOING TO TEACH YOU

MY REVOLUTIONARY SYSTEM FOR

IMPROVING YOUR LIFE.

I'M WHOLE.

YOU'RE WHOLE.

[ INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ APPLAUSE ]

HI. HOW ARE YA?

GREAT TO SEE YA!

THANKS FOR COMING!

AND WELCOME TO "YOU'RE WHOLE."

I'M AUTHOR, WRITER, AND ADVOCATE

FOR EVERYTHING

RANDALL TYREE MANDERSOHN.

TONIGHT, I'M GOING TO INTRODUCE

YOU TO MY EXCLUSIVE 27 DVD

COLLECTION THAT WILL MAKE YOU

MORE PRODUCTIVE, BETTER IN BED,

AND HAIRIER IN THE PLACES YOU

WANT.

IT'S CALLED "YOU'RE WHOLE."

BUT ENOUGH TALK.

LET'S GET TO WORK!

[ APPLAUSE ]

[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ]

WHEN I SAID WE WERE GONNA GET TO

WORK...I WASN'T KIDDING.

IT'S DVD 19 -- "TOOLS."

THANKS, TOBY.

IN ENGLISH -- THE LANGUAGE

PEOPLE SPEAK -- THE HAMMER IS

OFTEN A METAPHOR.

"HAMMERING HOME A POINT."

"I'M GONNA HAMMER THESE DOTS."

BUT HAMMERING IS ALSO A WAY

TO GET OUT THAT ANGER.

THIS IS DELIA.

DELIA HAS A LOT OF ANGER

BECAUSE OF SOME SAD EVENTS FROM

HER CHILDHOOD.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT?

>> I GUESS.

>> Mandersohn: SHE WAS MOLESTED.

DELIA, I'M GONNA TEACH YOU HOW

TO RELEASE ALL OF THAT ANGER.

HERE IS A HAMMER AND A PILLOW.

NOW, WHEN I SAY TO, I WANT YOU

TO TAKE THAT HAMMER AND HIT THAT

PILLOW AND THINK ABOUT THE SAD

EVENT FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD --

THE MOLESTATION.

READY?

>> YEAH.

>> Mandersohn: GO.

STOP. HOW DO YOU FEEL?

>> WELL, I ONLY HIT IT THE ONE

TIME.

>> Mandersohn: RIGHT, BUT YOU

SEE HOW HITTING THAT PILLOW OVER

AND OVER AGAIN COULD RELEASE

THAT ANGER AND MAKE YOU WHOLE.

YOU SEE THAT, RIGHT?

>> I GUESS.

>> Mandersohn: WOW.

COME HERE.

[ MOANS ]

Daddy's here.

Daddy's here.

SO BRAVE.

ISN'T SHE BRAVE, EVERYBODY?

SHE WAS MOLESTED.

DELIA, YOU'RE ALL BETTER NOW.

YOU'RE WHOLE.

[ APPLAUSE ]

WHEN WE COME BACK, I'M GONNA

TEACH YOU HOW TO BRIGHTEN YOUR

DAY IN AN UNUSUAL WAY --

COMIC BOOKS!

DOESN'T THAT SOUND FUN, DELIA?

HI.

I'M RANDALL TYREE MANDERSOHN.

FOR YEARS, I'VE BEEN TEACHING

YOU ABOUT "YOU'RE WHOLE."

BUT SO MANY OF YOU HAVE WRITTEN

TO ME ASKING HOW TO GET THE REST

OF THE FAMILY INVOLVED, WHICH IS

WHY I'VE CREATED

"THE FAMILY WHOLE," MY NEW

EIGHT-DVD SYSTEM THAT WILL

TIGHTEN YOUR FAMILY WHOLE.

JOIN ME, MY ORIENTAL WIFE, PAM,

AND OUR TWO KIDS, TRIDENT AND

GOSSAMER, AS WE LEARN TOGETHER,

LAUGH TOGETHER, AND SHOW YOU HOW

WE LIVE.

GO GET IT, KIDS!

>> CATCH, DADDY!

>> Mandersohn: GREAT THROW,

TRIDENT.

WELCOME BACK.

HEY, WHAT IF I TOLD YOU I HAVE

FOUND A WAY TO FEEL GREAT, USE

YOUR BODY, AND MAKE SOMEBODY

YOU CARE ABOUT VERY HAPPY?

NO, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE

THINKING.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW, WHAT IF I TOLD YOU IT WAS

PRACTICALLY FREE?

I SEE SOME DOUBTING FACES.

BUT I'VE DISCOVERED A WAY TO DO

JUST THAT.

IT'S DVD 11 IN THE

"YOU'RE WHOLE" SYSTEM --

"DRAWING COMICS."

[ LAUGHS ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE EVERYBODY

TO JIM ROGMANN, CREATOR OF THE

"WINKY AND JEFF" COMIC STRIP,

CURRENTLY SEEN ONLINE.

YOU KNOW, JIM, I REMEMBER AS A

KID JUST DEVOURING THE SUNDAY

FUNNIES.

>> YEAH.

>> Mandersohn: GREAT.

I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE GONNA SHOW

US HOW TO DRAW SOME OF YOUR

FAMOUS CHARACTERS.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW, OBVIOUSLY, WINKY IS A

RABBIT, SO WHAT I LIKE TO DO IS

OFTEN START WITH AN OVAL FOR THE

SHAPE OF HIS HEAD, AND THEN I

ADD A COUPLE OF BIG, FLOPPY

EARS, AND OBVIOUSLY HE'S GOT BIG

EXPRESSIVE EYES THAT ARE OFTEN

SAYING, "IT WASN'T ME WHO DID

IT!"

AND, UH, HE'S GOT A BIG

BUCKTOOTH HERE.

>> Mandersohn: HEY, JIM. JIM.

I JUST DREW A PUMPKIN.

A PUMPKIN WOULD BE A FUN THING

TO DRAW ON HALLOWEEN FOR A

SPOOKY SURPRISE.

>> SURE.

YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE ASK ME

IF THE CHARACTER OF JEFF WAS

BASED ON MYSELF.

WE DO BOTH SHARE A DISLIKE FOR

BLACK LICORICE.

I DON'T THINK THAT THE --

>> Mandersohn: JIM, LOOK AT

THIS.

NOW IT'S AN APPLE.

I JUST DREW A LEAF ON THE

PUMPKIN, TURNED IT INTO AN

APPLE.

YOU EVER DO THAT?

YOU NEVER DID THAT, YOU [BLEEP]

PIECE OF [BLEEP]

>> NO.

>> Mandersohn: JIM, DO ME A

FAVOR.

STEP ON THE SCALE.

>> WHAT?

>> Mandersohn: STEP ON THE

SCALE, YOU PIECE OF [BLEEP]

WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT?

YOU JUST LOST THREE POUNDS!

HOW ABOUT THAT?

[ APPLAUSE ]

NOW IT'S YOUR TURN.

YOU SHOULD EACH HAVE SOME SHEETS

OF PAPER AND A PENCIL, AND I

WANT YOU TO DRAW ME SOME

PUMPKINS.

AND, YOU FOLKS AT HOME, YOU

SHOULD DRAW SOME PUMPKINS, TOO.

WOW, THAT'S A GREAT PUMPKIN

SHAPE YOU'RE MAKING.

HEY, I LIKE THE DETAIL ON YOUR

PUMPKIN.

AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO GET IN

THERE ON THAT PUMPKIN.

JUST BE FREE WITH YOUR PUMPKIN.

I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DRAWING

THERE -- A PUMPKIN.

HEY, I REALLY LIKE THE PUMPKIN

WORK YOU'RE DOING.

TRY PUTTING SOME DETAIL IN ON

YOUR PUMPKIN.

HEY, YOU DREW A COUPLE PUMPKINS!

TERRIFIC PUMPKIN.

YOU DREW A LEAF.

NOW IT ALMOST LOOKS LIKE AN

APPLE.

YOU STARTED WITH THE STEM.

THAT'S A GREAT WAY TO DRAW A

PUMPKIN.

THAT'S GREAT PUMPKIN WORK.

REALLY, REALLY, REALLY GOOD

PUMPKIN.

THAT'S NOT A GOOD PUMPKIN.

THAT'S NOT A GOOD ONE, SO TAKE

THAT PIECE OF PAPER OUT AND DRAW

A BETTER PUMPKIN.

THESE GUYS ARE HAVING A GREAT

TIME DRAWING PUMPKINS.

WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'RE GONNA

LEARN ABOUT THE EXERCISE THAT

EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT WHEN

"YOU'RE WHOLE" RETURNS.

I LIKE THE SHADING ON YOUR

PUMPKIN.

HEY, GREAT PUMPKIN.

[ SLOW JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS ]

COMPANIONSHIP...

A SHOULDER TO LEAN ON...

A SEXUAL PARTNER WITH WHOM TO

MAKE LOVE...

THAT'S MY WIFE, PAM.

HI.

I'M RANDALL TYREE MANDERSOHN,

FAMILY MAN.

BUT DON'T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT.

LET'S HEAR FROM MY BEAUTIFUL,

ORIENTAL WIFE, PAM.

>> RANDALL IS A GOOD MAN.

GOSSAMER NEEDED BRACES.

WE HAVE A BOAT.

>> Mandersohn: THANK YOU, PAM.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

[ APPLAUSE ]

WE'RE BACK.

I WANT TO END TODAY WITH ONE OF

MY FAVORITES IN THE

"YOU'RE WHOLE" SYSTEM.

IT'S DVD 20 -- "SPIN CLASS"!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ]

COME ON!

SPINNING COMBINES BICYCLING

WITH NOT GOING ANYWHERE, SO YOU

NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WHERE

YOU'RE GOING 'CAUSE YOU'RE

ALREADY THERE.

SPINNERS, SOUND OFF!

>> GREG!

>> MARCY!

>> CARA!

>> JOHNNY C!

>> Mandersohn: SPINNERS, SPIN!

NOW REST!

WHEW! FEEL THE BURN.

>> YEAH!

>> Mandersohn: NOW, LET'S BRING

IN CARTOONIST JIM AND MOLESTED

DELIA OUT TO SPIN WITH US.

HERE WE GO.

FRONT SPIN!

BACK SPIN!

SIDE SADDLE!

PROMENADE.

NOW REST.

WHOO!

[ APPLAUSE ]

AND CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU JUST LOST ALL THE WEIGHT!

NOW FOR A POST WORKOUT TREAT.

WE DREW PUMPKINS EARLIER.

NOW WE'RE GONNA EAT SOME.

>> ALL RIGHT!

>> Mandersohn: MMM!

NOW LET'S DRINK SOME BUTTERMILK.

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

WHEW!

WHAT A WORKOUT.

WELL, GUYS, THERE IT IS.

HAMMER, COMICS, SPIN CLASS.

JUST THREE OF THE 27 DVDs YOU'LL

GET WHEN YOU ORDER THE

"YOU'RE WHOLE" SYSTEM.

NOW, I'M GONNA OFFER YOU THE

ENTIRE SYSTEM AT THE VERY

SPECIAL PRICE OF 10 PAYMENTS

OF $99 EACH.

>> RANDALL, THAT'S A GREAT DEAL,

BUT I DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH

MONEY.

>> Mandersohn: HMM.

WHAT ABOUT 7 PAYMENTS OF $59

EACH?

>> BETTER, BUT I DON'T KNOW.

>> Mandersohn: OKAY, I'M GONNA

OFFER YOU THE ENTIRE SYSTEM OF

"YOU'RE WHOLE," PLUS A SKETCH

PAD FOR DRAWING PUMPKINS, PLUS

A PENCIL, PLUS A SNEAK PEEK AT

MY NEW FAMILY DVD SYSTEM,

"THE FAMILY WHOLE," ALL FOR --

AH!

MY ORIENTAL WIFE, PAM, IS

PROBABLY GONNA MAKE ME SLEEP ON

THE COUCH FOR SAYING THIS, BUT

WHAT THE HEY -- THREE PAYMENTS

OF $29 EACH!

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

>> THAT'S A DEAL!

>> Mandersohn: [ LAUGHS ]

IT'S THE SYSTEM THAT'S CHANGING

LIVES AND FILLING HOLES.

YOUR HOLES.

"YOU'RE WHOLE."

I'M RANDALL TYREE MANDERSOHN,

AND I'M TOTALLY BLIND.

[ APPLAUSE ]

THANKS, EVERYBODY!

HEY, COME ON IN.

GREAT TO SEE YOU.

HEY.

GREAT WORK.

TERRIFIC SPINNING.

HEY, THANKS.

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.

>> Mandersohn: NO, THANK YOU.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

>> PAD, PENCILS -- ESPECIALLY

THE PENCILS.

[ INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYS ]