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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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>> Tosh: SO LOVELY.
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WHAT KEY IS THAT IN B SHART?
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WELCOME TO "TOSH.0" SPECIAL
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SEASON FINALE.
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CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR.
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SINCE IT'S ALL ALSO THE LAST
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INSTALLMENT OF OVERPRICED
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CONCERT TEE WITH SEXY TROUBLE BY
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POPULAR DEMAND I BROUGHT BACK
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DOUBLE STUBBLE.
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THAT'S A LOT OF GROWTH.
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TONIGHT'S FEATURED TEE IS THE
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OFFICIAL HUSBAND OF THE MUPPETS.
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DR. TEETH AND THE ELECTRIC
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MAYHEM.
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[***]
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>> Tosh: BUNCH OF PUPPETS
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PRETENDING TO SING JUST LIKE ONE
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DIRECTION.
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TONIGHT I CONDENSED 900 MINUTES
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OF PROGRAMMING INTO FOUR AND A
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HALF AND SHOW YOU OUR VERSION OF
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THE NUTCRACKER AND IF YOU'RE
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GOOD BOYS AND GIRLS SANTA MAY
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PAY YOU A VISIT AT THE END OF
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THE SHOW.
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DOUBTFUL.
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NOW TRUST ME, DON'T ASK THIS GUY
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TO PLAY SILENT BUT DEADLY NIGHT.
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ISN'T THAT HOW KATY PERRY WRITES
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ALL OF HER SONGS.
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WRAPS HER BIG OLE TURD CUTTER
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AROUND A TUBA AND JUST COMPOSES.
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OKAY.
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NOW SNEAK IT BACK INTO YOUR
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SISTER'S ROOM.
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THE GUY PLAYS A MEAN FLUTE, NO
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DOUBT ABOUT IT BUT HE'S NO KENNY
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G.
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I LEFT HIM WITH A MOUTHFUL OF
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SMOOTH JAZZ.
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LOOKS LIKE THE SON OF A BITCH
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JACK FROST TURNED HIS
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NEIGHBORHOOD INTO ONE BIG GAME
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OF SHUFFLEBOARD.
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>> LOOK OUT, LADY!
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>> Tosh: JUST LIKE A TAYLOR
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SWIFT RELATIONSHIP.
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IT'S KIND OF SOOTHING AND
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BEAUTIFUL IF YOU PUT THE RIGHT
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MUSIC BEHIND IT.
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TO BE FAIR PUTTING ON TIRE
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CHAINS IS A HASSLE.
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YOU WANT TO STEER INTO THE
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WRECK.
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OKAY, THAT ONE WASN'T THE ICE'S
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FAULT.
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THAT DRIVER WAS ASIAN.
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LUCKILY THE HAPPY HONDA DAYS
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SALES EVENT JUST STARTED.
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THAT'S A WEIRD THING TO CHEER
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FOR.
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THERE WAS A WORSE EXCELLENT
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LATER THAT NIGHT.
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[ GRUNTING ]
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>> COME AND GET ME SATAN.
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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>> Tosh: ON THE BRIGHT SIDE I'VE
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GOT A FREEZER FULL OF MAGIC
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REINDEER MEAT.
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HE'S AN EXPERT TO TEST YOUR
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RACIAL SENSITIVITY.
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SEE HOW LONG IT TAKES TO FIGURE
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OUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE
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VIDEO.
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>> Tosh: IT'S YOU JUST A SHOW
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BALL FIGHT.
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SEE, WE'RE NOT SO DIFFERENT.
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IS THIS A KWANZA THING?
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THEY MAY BE DOING WHITE PEOPLE
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STUFF BUT THAT'S THE BLACKEST
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SIGN EVER.
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THEY SAY A LOT OF PEOPLE HANG
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THEMSELVES ON CHRISTMAS.
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>> Tosh: THAT'S WHAT HE GETS FOR
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TRYING TO TRICK SANTA INTO
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FILLING HIS BUTTHOLE WITH
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STOCKING STUFFERS.
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WHEN KRISS KRINGLE GETS THERE
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HE'LL CALL 911 FOR YOU
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.
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NOW TIME FOR THE PAGEANT.
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FIRST UP THE WAYANS ELEMENTARY.
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I KNOW HOW 7 FEELS.
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HEY, WHY DIDN'T TRUE LOVE GIVE
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HIM SO MANY BIRDS FOR CHRISTMAS
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ANY HOW?
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THINK ABOUT IT.
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IS THIS A PAGEANT OR DUNK
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CONTEST.
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THAT'S A SOLID EFFORT SO LET'S
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CHECK WIN WILLIAM McKINLEY HIGH.
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I PRAY THAT'S A SCHOOL FOR THE
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DEAF.
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OKAY, LAST YEAR'S CHAMP WOULD
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HAVE TO VOMIT ON STAGE TO LOSE
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THE TITLE.
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[ SINGING ]
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>> Tosh: TOO MUCH PRE-SHOW NOG.
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A REAL PRO DOES THAT BEFORE
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EVERY PERFORMANCE.
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LEARNED THAT ONE FROM DEMI
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LOVATO.
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ALL RIGHT.
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LET'S CALL THE CONTEST A DRAW
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AND ELIMINATE ALL FUNDING FOR
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THE ARTS.
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WHAT'S NEXT?
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>> YOU'RE MEANT TO DO THIS.
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WHEN YOU DO STUFF LIKE THIS
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YOU'LL NEVER BE THE SAME.
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>> HE'S NOT TRYING, DUDE.
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TOO SCARED.
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>>
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>> PEER PRESSURE IS THE WORSE
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KIND BESIDES SIGN US.
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LOOKS LIKE A TIGHT FIT.
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THEY SHOULD BE USING SPACE BAG
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TO GET HIM, TWO SWEATERS AND
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FOUR FRIENDS AND STILL MORE ROOM
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FOR THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.
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A PERSON'S BODY SHOULD NEVER END
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UP IN A SUITCASE UNLESS SHE SAYS
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SOMETHING REALLY CRAZY AND THERE
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AREN'T WITNESS AND CAN'T PROVE
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MOTIVE.
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>> JUST GO.
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>> Tosh: THERE'S NOT A
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SNOWBALL'S CHANCE IN HELL THIS
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IS GOING TO WORK.
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IT WOULD BE QUICKER TO PUT HIM
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STRAIGHT IN THE BODY BAG.
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DRAGGING SOMEONE BEHIND A PICKUP
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TRUCK IN THE WINTER EVEN MAKES
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HATE CRIMES SEEM WHIMSICAL.
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SOMETIMES IT'S SAFER JUST TO
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STAY INSIDE AND DO DRUGS, KIDS.
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THEY SHOULD SAKE THAT SUITCASE
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TO THE AIRPORT AND SWITCH IT
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WITH ONE THAT DOESN'T HAVE A
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DEAD BOY IN IT.
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>> WHAT HURTS?
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WHAT HURTS?
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>> Tosh: HE'S CRYING BECAUSE
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HE'S CRAMMED AGAINST THE
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COLLAPSABLE HANDLE.
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SUCK IT UP YOU'RE TEARS ARE
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GOING TO FREEZE INTO I'M BEING
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PUSSY-CICLES.
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>> WE NEED TO GET HIM OUT OF THE
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BRIEF CASE.
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>> I'M STARTING TO THINK THESE
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GUYS MAY NOT BE SMART.
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ONE, THAT'S NOT A BRIEF CASE.
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TWO, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO
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UNPACK SOMEONE WITH A SPINE
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INJURY.
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>> GET HIM TO THE HOSPITAL.
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>> Tosh: NO HOSPITALS.
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YOU DON'T WANT ANYBODY TO KNOW
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ABOUT THIS ATTEMPTED
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MANSLAUGHTER YOU'RE ABOUT TO PUT
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ON YOUTUBE.
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TOO BAD THE JACKASS GUYS NEVER
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MADE A CHRISTMAS MOVIE.
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NOW THEY'RE ALL DEAD OR SOBER.
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FOR THAT WE THANK YOU.
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WE'LL BE BACK WITH A BUNCH OF
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STUFF YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN BUT
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BEFORE WE GO THIS CAN'T BE THE
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FIRST BONER THIS GRINCH HAS
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KILLED.
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>> I'M NOT TOUCHING YOU.
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>> LET GO OF MY BROOM.
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TAKE IT DOWN.
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NOW.
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TAKE IT DOWN.
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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>> Tosh: WELCOME TO "TOSH.0."
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IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT I'M WEARING
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BUT WHO I'M WEARING BECAUSE THIS
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IS THE SEASON FOR HIGH FASHION.
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[***]
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>> Tosh: WHAT SO SPECIAL ABOUT
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MY WARDROBE THIS SUMMER?
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I'LL BE WEARING SICK KICKS FOR
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THE LADIES.
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THIS FALL, THE WARDROBE WILL BE,
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OVER PRICED CONCERT TEES.
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WAIT...
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WITH SEXY STUBBLE.
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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EVERY WEEK I DRESS LIKE AN
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ASSHOLE TO DELIVER YOU A QUALITY
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PROGRAM.
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IF YOU TOLD ME WAY BACK IN THE
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YEAR OF 2009 THIS WOULD BE THE
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NUMBER ONE SHOW ON COMEDY
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CENTRAL I WOULD HAVE, YEAH.
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I'M EXTREMELY TALENTED BUT WHAT
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DID WE LEARN IN 2012?
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NEVER SHOWER AT PENN STATE OR
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WEAR A HOODIE IN FLORIDA OR
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WATCH A MOVIE IN COLORADO.
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WE TRADED WHITNEY HOUSTON FOR
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BLUE IVY AND THE HURRICANE
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WASHED AWAY THE HERPES LEFT FROM
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THE CAST OF JERSEY SHORE AND A
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GUY ATE A BUM'S FACE OFF AND
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HEIDI KLUM LEFT SEAL BECAUSE HE
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LOOKED LIKE A BUM THAT ATE HIS
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FACE OFF.
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LANCE ARMSTRONG WAS TOLD TO TAKE
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HIS BALL AND GO HOME AND TWICE
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HOWARD GOT TWO COACHES FIRED AND
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NBA SHOWED HOW UNPATRIOTIC THEY
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ARE BY DVRING HOCK THE OLYMPICS
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AND 50 SHADES OF GRAY PROVED YOU
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CAN WRITE A DUDE ABOUT CHOKING
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WOMEN AND SHOVING STUFF UP THEIR
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BUTT BUT HEAVEN FORBID YOU TELL
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A JOKE ABOUT.
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.
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SURE I DOUBLED THE NUMBER OF
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FEMINISTS WHO HATE ME AND
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DOUBLED THE SHOWS I HAVE ON TV.
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NO REGRETS.
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I THOUGHT IT WAS IMPORTANT TO
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LOOK BACK AT HOW I SPEND MY LAST
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YEAR ON EARTH WITH THE WEB
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REFLECTION.
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>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DANIEL
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TOSH.
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>> Tosh: LET'S GO, GUYS.
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>> WHAT ARE THESE SPRITZERS FOR?
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>> THEY'RE FOR THE BITCHES.
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THEY'LL MAKE THAT ASS DROP.
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YOU DUMB BIG STUPID [BLEEP]
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HOLES.
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>> THANKS, DANIEL.
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>> Tosh: HURRY UP.
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GET OVER HERE.
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THIS PARTY IS FULL OF ASIANS.
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>> OBAMA.
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>> NO.
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LOUDER DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER.
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>> OBAMA.
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>> COOKIES.
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LET ME WORK MY HAND AROUND THE
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SIDE AND INTO YOUR BREAST.
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>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
263
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,070
HOLOGRAM COOLIO.
264
00:11:42,067 --> 00:11:45,267
>> WELCOME TO ROCK POINT OWE.
265
00:11:45,267 --> 00:11:50,527
I'M YOUR HOST, CHRIS ROCK.
266
00:11:50,533 --> 00:11:52,733
>> HOW MANY DAMN TIMES I GOT TO
267
00:11:52,733 --> 00:11:56,433
TELL YOU TO QUIT DRAINING MY
268
00:11:56,433 --> 00:11:56,873
POOL.
269
00:11:56,867 --> 00:11:58,067
>> YOU'RE THROWING A FASTBALL AT
270
00:11:58,067 --> 00:12:02,467
A CATCHER WITH NO MITT.
271
00:12:02,467 --> 00:12:04,667
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
272
00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:06,667
>> THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE TALKING
273
00:12:06,667 --> 00:12:07,327
ABOUT.
274
00:12:07,333 --> 00:12:26,633
>> WHAT THE [BLEEP].
275
00:12:26,633 --> 00:12:28,833
>> YO, SORRY.
276
00:12:28,833 --> 00:12:43,333
I FORGOT TO COUNT.
277
00:12:43,333 --> 00:12:45,333
>> NOT MINE.
278
00:12:45,333 --> 00:12:51,473
I TIED RED AROUND MINE.
279
00:12:51,467 --> 00:13:07,267
>> THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME.
280
00:13:07,267 --> 00:13:10,097
>> AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR
281
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:12,100
THIS.
282
00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:17,130
>> I'M JUST A LITTLE OLD LADY.
283
00:13:17,133 --> 00:13:19,333
>> ONE HAND OF BLACKJACK, DOUBLE
284
00:13:19,333 --> 00:13:24,273
OR NOTHING.
285
00:13:24,267 --> 00:13:25,227
>> I AM SORRY.
286
00:13:25,233 --> 00:13:27,633
>> THE OPPOSITE A HAPPY ENDING
287
00:13:27,633 --> 00:13:30,833
BECAUSE IT ENDS IN A LAWSUIT AND
288
00:13:30,833 --> 00:13:31,603
BLUE BALLS.
289
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,670
>> ONE MOMENT.
290
00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:43,597
>> Tosh: NO.
291
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:47,530
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, I AM.
292
00:13:47,533 --> 00:13:50,073
>> Tosh: THAT'S FOR STEALING
293
00:13:50,067 --> 00:13:53,267
GILBERT GOTTFRIED'S JOB.
294
00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:56,267
[ SCREAMING ]
295
00:13:56,267 --> 00:13:58,197
>> GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU HAVE
296
00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,330
IN THE REGISTER.
297
00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:04,433
[BLEEP]
298
00:14:07,667 --> 00:14:10,197
>> GIVE HIM THE MONEY.
299
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:21,400
>> GIVE ME THE [BLEEP] MONEY.
300
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:26,370
>> ONE, TWO, THREE, SHOOT.
301
00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:35,797
>> OH!
302
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,930
>> SO I'M ON MY WAY BACK TO THE
303
00:14:37,933 --> 00:14:38,403
BATHROOM.
304
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,070
>> ENJOY THE RIDE.
305
00:14:40,067 --> 00:14:59,567
>> NO!
306
00:14:59,567 --> 00:15:13,127
>> OH, MY GOD I'M GONNA BARF.
307
00:15:13,133 --> 00:15:16,803
>> Tosh: THAT WASN'T SO BAD.
308
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,900
HEY, THOSE MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN
309
00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:20,330
YOUR FAVORITE MOMENTS BUT THAT'S
310
00:15:20,333 --> 00:15:21,633
WHAT MAKES THE SHOW SO SPECIAL.
311
00:15:21,633 --> 00:15:24,073
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK.
312
00:15:24,067 --> 00:15:26,067
HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
313
00:15:26,067 --> 00:15:27,297
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK BUT FIRST
314
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:30,330
IT'S TIME FOR WHAT'S IN THE
315
00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:31,603
BACKGROUND TRIPLE X-MASS
316
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,270
EDITION.
317
00:15:33,267 --> 00:15:33,867
>> THOSE ARE NICE.
318
00:15:53,967 --> 00:15:56,067
>> Tosh: HOW YOU GOING TO GET
319
00:15:56,067 --> 00:15:58,467
YOUR TENNIS BALL IN THE ROLL OF
320
00:15:58,467 --> 00:15:59,797
DUCT TAPE NOW?
321
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,370
SOMETHING ENJOYS ME LIKE WASTING
322
00:16:02,367 --> 00:16:04,797
COMEDY CENTRAL'S MONEY.
323
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:09,900
SO WHEN I HEARD THERE WAS $1,240
324
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:11,200
LEFT IN THE BUT I CREATED THIS
325
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,300
MARVEL OF ENGINEERING.
326
00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:17,200
I CALL IT THE RUDE GOLDBERG
327
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:17,770
NUTCRACKER.0.
328
00:16:17,767 --> 00:16:19,097
IT TOOK ME ALL YEAR TO SET THIS
329
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:20,270
THING UP BY MYSELF.
330
00:16:20,267 --> 00:16:23,427
HOPE IT WORKS.
331
00:16:23,433 --> 00:16:25,273
MERLY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE.
332
00:16:25,267 --> 00:16:59,067
[***]
333
00:16:59,067 --> 00:17:23,297
[***]
334
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:37,400
[***]
335
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,370
>> Tosh: I TOLD YOU I DON'T LIKE
336
00:17:39,367 --> 00:17:41,797
NUTS IN MY COOKIES, GRANDMA.
337
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,230
YOU RUINED CHRISTMAS.
338
00:17:43,233 --> 00:17:45,303
I HOPE YOU DIE IN YOUR SLEEP.
339
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:46,330
THAT NIGHT SHE DIED IN HER
340
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:47,573
SLEEP.
341
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,797
IT WAS A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.
342
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,070
DON'T FORGET TO GO TO OUR BLOG
343
00:17:52,067 --> 00:17:54,097
AND UPLOAD YOUR CLIP FOR A VANCE
344
00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:55,500
FOR THE WINNER.
345
00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:58,530
>> DEAR SANTA INSTEAD OF
346
00:17:58,533 --> 00:17:59,673
PRESENTS THIS YEAR ALL I'M
347
00:17:59,667 --> 00:18:02,897
ASKING FOR IS PEACE ON EARTH.
348
00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:12,770
KIRK JOHNSON.
349
00:18:12,767 --> 00:18:16,367
DEAR SANTA, THIS YEAR INSTEAD OF
350
00:18:16,367 --> 00:18:20,727
PRESENTS I'M JUST ASKING FOR AN
351
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:23,433
INCURABLE SEXUAL DISEASE.
352
00:18:23,433 --> 00:18:27,233
IT NEED NOT BE ANY JUST MAKE MY
353
00:18:27,233 --> 00:18:30,133
WEINER SMALLER, SANTA.
354
00:18:30,133 --> 00:18:35,073
IN FACT MAKE IT EACH DAY SMALLER
355
00:18:35,067 --> 00:18:36,227
THAN THE LAST.
356
00:18:36,233 --> 00:18:37,603
>> Tosh: SANTA'S BEARD IS
357
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,970
LOOKING A LITTLE PATCHY.
358
00:18:39,967 --> 00:18:41,767
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
359
00:18:41,767 --> 00:18:51,067
JOHN BENJAMIN HAS THE VAN.
360
00:18:51,067 --> 00:18:52,297
>> Tosh: WELCOME BACK.
361
00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:54,700
FIRST ONE TO E-MAIL ME WHAT A
362
00:18:54,700 --> 00:19:00,070
TURTLE BUG IS WINS A TRIP TO
363
00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:00,567
QUEBEC.
364
00:19:00,567 --> 00:19:01,827
COACH.
365
00:19:01,833 --> 00:19:03,073
SAVOR THESE PLUGS BECAUSE
366
00:19:03,067 --> 00:19:04,227
THEY'LL BE THE LAST FOR THIS
367
00:19:04,233 --> 00:19:04,633
YEAR.
368
00:19:04,633 --> 00:19:06,073
FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER BECAUSE I
369
00:19:06,067 --> 00:19:09,297
PROMISE TO WRITE SOMETHING
370
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:16,070
HILARIOUS MULTIPLE TIMES PER DAY
371
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:23,567
AND ON BRICKLEBERRY BOBBY DROWNS
372
00:19:23,567 --> 00:19:25,197
A HOOKER.
373
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:26,800
AND I'LL TELL YOU MY PICKS FOR
374
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,300
THE BEST PRESENTS TO GIVE YOUR
375
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:29,700
LOVED ONES THIS HOLIDAY SEASON.
376
00:19:29,700 --> 00:19:33,270
FIRST IS THE HOTTEST TOY OF THE
377
00:19:33,267 --> 00:19:33,797
YEAR.
378
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,070
IT'S CORNHOLE ME ELMO WITH A
379
00:19:36,067 --> 00:19:38,797
REAL WORKING ANUS.
380
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,170
I WOULD HAVE PICTURED IT MORE
381
00:19:40,167 --> 00:19:42,827
PINK.
382
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:46,173
AT LAST, AN ELMO KIDS CAN
383
00:19:46,167 --> 00:19:48,527
[BLEEP] INSTEAD OF THE OTHER WAY
384
00:19:48,533 --> 00:19:49,633
AROUND.
385
00:19:49,633 --> 00:19:51,503
NEXT, NEVER TOO EARLY TO TEACH
386
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,770
YOUR BABY ABOUT THE FIRST
387
00:19:53,767 --> 00:19:55,467
AMENDMENT AND FISHER PRICE AND
388
00:19:55,467 --> 00:19:57,397
SMITH AND WESSON CREATED THE
389
00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:00,270
FIRST HANDGUN.
390
00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:02,027
IT FIRES GENUINE .22 CALIBER
391
00:20:02,033 --> 00:20:02,503
BULLETS.
392
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:05,930
YOU CAN HAVE IT WHEN YOU PRY IT
393
00:20:05,933 --> 00:20:08,333
FROM HIS WARM-NAPPING HANDS.
394
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:09,903
BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WANT ME TO
395
00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:11,530
WATCH YOU SHOWER THERE'S A BIG
396
00:20:11,533 --> 00:20:13,403
SHOWER CURTAIN WITH MY FACE ON
397
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:14,200
IT.
398
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,300
AND THE BEST PART IT COMES WITH
399
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:18,770
A ROD THAT IS BENT IN THE
400
00:20:18,767 --> 00:20:21,527
OPPOSITE DIRECTION SO IT'S
401
00:20:21,533 --> 00:20:23,433
GUARANTEEED TO UNCOMFORTABLY
402
00:20:23,433 --> 00:20:24,873
CLING TO YOUR BOD THROUGHOUT THE
403
00:20:24,867 --> 00:20:26,167
CLEANSING PROCESS.
404
00:20:26,167 --> 00:20:27,667
SOME OF THOSE MIGHT HAVE BEEN
405
00:20:27,667 --> 00:20:29,897
MADE UP BUT THE LAST PRODUCT IS
406
00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:31,930
100% REAL AND FOR ADULTS ONLY.
407
00:20:31,933 --> 00:20:33,203
WHO AMONG US DOESN'T APPRECIATE
408
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,130
A YOUNGER TIGHTER VAGINA?
409
00:20:36,133 --> 00:20:39,603
THAT'S WHY MY NUMBER ONE GIFT
410
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,830
THIS CHRISTMAS IS 18 AGAIN
411
00:20:42,833 --> 00:20:44,303
VAGINAL SHRINK CREAM.
412
00:20:44,300 --> 00:20:48,800
IT MAKES YOUR HOO-HA FEEL LIKE
413
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:49,270
NEW-HA.
414
00:20:49,267 --> 00:20:52,597
I HAD A FEW STAFFERS TEST IT OUT
415
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,430
AND THEY SAID THEIR VAGINA FELT
416
00:20:54,433 --> 00:20:56,503
CLOSER TO 16 BUT I THINK CALLING
417
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:59,230
IT 16 AGAIN IS A SLIPPERY SLOPE.
418
00:20:59,233 --> 00:21:01,803
THE GOOD NEWS, EVERY
419
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,200
LOOSE-LIPPED SLUT IN THE STUDIO
420
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,900
AUDIENCE IS GOING HOME WAY TUBE
421
00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:05,730
OF THEIR OWN.
422
00:21:05,733 --> 00:21:07,103
YOU'RE WELCOME.
423
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:08,570
HAVE FUN WATCHING A PRIEST
424
00:21:08,567 --> 00:21:09,697
SLOWLY DIE IN YOUR LIVING ROOM.
425
00:21:09,700 --> 00:21:10,500
GOOD NIGHT.
26669
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