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>> HAPPY HALLOWEEN, EVERYBODY.
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>> OH!
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>> THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
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YOU (BLEEP) UP.
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(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
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YOU OKAY, PUMPKIN?
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WELCOME TO TOSH.O.
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I'M NOT DRESSED AS A HOT GUY
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FOR HALLOWEEN.
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IT IS MY OVERPRICED CONCERT
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TEE WITH SEXY STUBBLE.
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THIS WEEK WE ARE FEATUREING
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DEAD MOUSE.
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MOST OF HIS SONGS ARE A SLOW
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BUILD AND WE CAN'T AFFORD TO
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WAIT FOR THE DROP.
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A CLUB KID OUT OF ORLANDO.
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I HOPE HE SUES DISNEY OR
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COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT.
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I'D GIVE ANYTHING TO SMELL THE
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INSIDE OF THAT MOUSE HEAD.
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FORTUNAAELY, FOR YOU THIS IS
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OUR HALLOWEEN EPISODE.
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WHICH MEANS, OOH, OUR REALLY
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GROSS VIDEOS.
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INSTEAD OF ONE REALLY GROSS
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VIDEO.
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THAT IS 100% GROSSER.
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I REDEEM THIS CREEPY CAST KNOW
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VACHLT I GIVE YOU SNEAK PEEK
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AT MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME.
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I NEED YOU GGYS TO HELP ME
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CATCH A MONSTER.
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LET'S SEE WHY IT IS ALWAYS
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-pUNLUCKY TO BE UNDER A LADDER.
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PHOENIX FOR HALLOWEEN.IN
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(LAUGHTER)
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IN HIS DEFENSE, THERE WASN'T A
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DO NOT SWING A 40-POUND
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PUMPKIN FROM THE TOP RUNG
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WARNING STICKER.
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I TRIED TO DO A MINI VERSION
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OF THAT WITH A STEP-STOOL AND
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A GOURD.
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OH, I DON'T KNOW WHY HE IS SO
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JUMPY.
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HE GOT HIS BALLS LOPPED OFF
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FIVE YEARS AGO.
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THIS NEXT PERSON, GOD REST IS
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SOUL THANKFULLY, SPRANG FOR
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THE DELUXE FUNERAL PACKAGE.
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IT IS NICE TO SEE THAT NEW
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EDITION IS STILL GETTING GIGS.
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MUST BE FROM THAT SHOW "SO YOU
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THINK YOU CAN PALLBEAR."
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* DON'T YOU KNOW, THAT IS
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SOUND OF THE MAN... *
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THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO
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GET IN THE THUG MANSION.
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YOU KNOW THERE IS A DEAD CHILD
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IN THERE.
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HEY, I WAS A LIITLE LATE TO
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THAT FUNERAL.
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I STILL MANAGED TO PAY MY
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RESPECTS.
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>> ASHES TO ASHES.
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>> IT'S WHAT HE WOULD HAVE
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WANTED.
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HERE IS HOW YOU CELEBRATE
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EATING AN ENTIRE 72-OUNCE
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STEAK.
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>> SO MUCH PRESSURE.
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IT HURTS SO BAD.
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>> HIS DOODY MUST BE USING
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APPLE MAPS TO FIID ITS WAY
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OUT.
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HOW ABOUT A COURTESY FLUSH,
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(BLEEP) FOR BRAINS?
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DO I HAVE ANY POOP IN MY
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TEETH?
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I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD GET
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HIM SOME SCOPE OR A ROLL OF
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TOILET PAPER.
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(BLEEP).
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>> OH, MY GOD.
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CARL'S JR. WOULD FORM THAT
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INTO A PATTY, SLATHHR IT IN
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GUAC AND FORCE A SUPERMODEL TO
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(BLEEP) IT.
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OR YOU PEOPLE EAST OF THE
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MISSISSIPPI, JUST CHANGE THAT
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LAST JOKE TO HARDEE'S.
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NOW WE ARE ALL LAUGHING
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TOGETHER.
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OKAY.
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ISN'T THERE ANYTHING CUTT ON
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THE INTERNET ANYMORE?
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LIKE A MANLY MAN TEACHING A
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WOLF CUB TO HOWL?
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(HOWLING)
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>> KRISTEN STEWART CHEATED ON
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THAT WOLF, TOO.
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BECAUSE SHE IS A WHORE.
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A HOME-WRECKING WHORE.
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NEVER FORGET.
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THEY REALLY MISSED THE BOAT BY
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NOT NAMING HALLOWEEN
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HOWL-O-WWEN.
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THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
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DRACULA GIVES YOU A HICKEY.
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>> ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE
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PART THE DOCTOR SAID YOU COULD
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DO AT HOME?
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I GUESS OBAMACARE DOESN'T
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COVER GIANT NECK (BLEEP).
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A LITTLE SUMMER'S EVE SHOULD
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CLEAR THAT RIGHT UP.
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NOW, WHO IS IN THE MOOD FOR A
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LITTLE HALLOWEEN TRICK?
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(LAUGHTER)
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* TA-DA.
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THERE WAS ALSO SUPPOSED TO BE
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A IN THERE.
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AND A JACK OF DIAMONDS.
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WHAT'S NEXT?
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CONGRATULATIONS.
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NOW YOU HAVE FOUR SMALL LOGS
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LET'S SEE WHY THERE'S NOTHING
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MORE EMBARRASSIIG THAN FAILING
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YOUR ADULT KARATE RECITAL IN
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THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.
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(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
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WHERE DO KARATE GUYS GET THEIR
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WOOD?
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LIKE, IS THAT A WWOLES CAN
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SALE THING?
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THERE ARE SO MANY REAL WORLD
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APPLICATIONS FOR THIS ABILITY.
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FOR EXAMPLE, YOUR BABY COULD
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BE STUCK INSIDE A LOGUE TRRP
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THAT'S EXACTLY AT SHIN HEIGHT.
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WHAT YOU GONE ACTION CALL?
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OOH, I'VE DONE THHT ON MY
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COFFEE TABLE.
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SMART MOVE.
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BLAME THE HOLDER.
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THAT IS WHAT RAY FINKLE DID.
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ALL RIGHT.
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WHO IS THE WISE GUY WHO
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SWITCHED OUR NORMAL SHIN LOGS
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WITH MAPLE?
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OKAY NO, BIG DEAL.
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TRY KICKING HARDER.
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SHINS ARE VERY RESILIENT.
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YOU CAN JUST WAVE IT ASIDE?
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THAT SEEMS WAY EASIER.
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IT HAS TO BE EMBARRASSING TO
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FAIL SOMETHING STEVEN SEGAL
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MASTERED.
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JETER BROKE HIS LEG DOING A
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LOT LESS.
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(BLEEP).
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HOPEFULLY, THAT LAST LOG WHICH
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IS THE EXACT SSME SIZE WILL
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-pGIVE.
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IF OTHER NINJAS MUST BE SO
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EMBARRASSED.
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SOMEONE PUT HIM OUT OF HIS
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MISERY.
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TWO OUT F FIVE.
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I THOUGHT ONLY COWBOY FANS
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CHEERED LIKE ASS HOLES FOR A
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LOSING RECORD.
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FOR HAT, WE THANK YOU.
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WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THIS
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CHUBBY LITTLE PANTY DROPPER.
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BUT FIRST, WE ARE NOT ALLOWED
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TO SHOW YOU HOW THIS VIDEO
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ENDS.
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>> LOOK INTO MY EYESS
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YOU WILL SEE.
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(LAUGHTER)
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I DO IT FOR YOU.
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>> DON'T LET THE HORRENDOUS
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SINGING DISTRACT YOU FROM THE
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FACT THAT THERE IS A
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13-YEAR-OLD WEARING A TOMMY
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BAHAMA SHIRT.
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HE THOUGHT THE BEST WAY TO WOO
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THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE WAS TO
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MUMBLE A TUNE FROM THE ROBIN
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HOOD SOUNDTRACK.
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BRYAN ADAMS WOULD BE ROLLING
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OVER IN HIS GRAVE IF HE HEARD.
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THAT HE IS DEAD, RIIHT?
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TOM IS PROOF THAT LIFE BETWEEN
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YOUR FIRST BONER AND GETTING
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YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE IS
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MAGICAL.
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REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME YOU
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TOUCHED A PAIR OF BOOB THAT IS
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WEREN'T YOUR SISTER'S?
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THE PROBLEM IS GIRLS MATURE
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FASTER THAN BOYS.
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BLACK GUYS ALWAYS REMEMBER
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THEIR FIRST CRUSH.
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YOU CAN'T FORGET SOMEONE WHEN
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YOU LEGALLY HAVE TO WRITE THEM
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A CHECK EVERY SINGLE MONTH.
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WHEN YOU ARE A KID, LOVE IS SO
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EXCITING AND NEW.
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YOU CAN CHASE LITTLE GIRLS ON
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THE PLAYGROUND AND HOLD THEIR
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SKIRTS UP WITHOUT BECOMING A
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REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER.%
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THAT IS WHY I FLEW TOM TO
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HOLLYWOOD WHERE EVERYONE IS IN
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LOVE WITH THEMSELVES.
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FOR THIS WEEK'S WEB
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REDEMPTION.
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THANK YOU.
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THAT WAS TRULY PAINFUL.
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COME ON.
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NEXT UP, DOING SOME ROMANTIC
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DUETS WITH YOURS TRULY.
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GIVE IT UP FOR TOM!
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COME ON!
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YOU READY TO ROCK THIS PUPPY?
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* SUMMER LOVIN', HAVING A
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BLAST *
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* SUMMER LOVIN', HAPPENED SO
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FAST *
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* SAW YOU YESTERDAY WITH AN
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OLD FRIEND *
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* I GOT YOU BABE, I GOT YOU
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BABE *
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* AIN'T NOTHING BUT A GANGSTER
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PARTY *
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>> OKAY.
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DO NOT ENCOURAGE HIM.
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TOM, HOW OLD ARE YOU?
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>> 13.
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>> ARE YOU BIG FOR YOUR AGE?
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>> A ITTLE.
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>> YOU SEEM BIG FOR 30.
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ARE YOU FAN OF BRYAN ADAMS?
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MOST 13-YEAR-OLDS AREN'T
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FAMILIAR WITH BRYAN ADAMS'
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MUSII.
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I'M NOT LIKE MOST FANS.
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>> NAME ANOTHER SONG.
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>> "SUMMER OF '69."
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>> TELL ME WHY YOU MADE THE
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00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:12,830
VIDEO AND...
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MY FRIEND TOLD ME SHE LOVED
256
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IT.
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>> DO YOU THINK SHE HAS
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FEELINGS TOWARD YOU AT ALL?
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>> I HAVE NO IDEA.
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>> IS THAT WHY YOU ARE GROWING
261
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THE MUSTACHE.%
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>> YEAH, A ITTLE.
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>> NICE.
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YOU THINK YOU WILL ALWAYS LOVE
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HER.
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>> DEEP DOWN, PROBABLY.
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YOU KNOW, YOU NEVER KNOW HOW
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THE FUTURE WILL TURN OUT.
269
00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:30,573
>> YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW IT'S
270
00:11:30,567 --> 00:11:31,397
GOING TO TURN OUT?
271
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:31,770
>> HOW?
272
00:11:31,767 --> 00:11:32,927
>> DEPRESSING.
273
00:11:32,933 --> 00:11:34,133
HOW MANY TAKES DID YOU DO?
274
00:11:34,133 --> 00:11:35,903
>> 30 FOR EACH SCENE.
275
00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:38,130
>> BOY, LET'S STOP THERE.
276
00:11:38,133 --> 00:11:39,273
30 TAKES PER SCENE?
277
00:11:39,267 --> 00:11:40,667
SO YOU ARE TELLING ME THERE IS
278
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,697
A MUCH WORSE VERSION OF THIS
279
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:43,530
THAT YOU COULD HAVE PUT OUT?
280
00:11:43,533 --> 00:11:46,873
>> YES.
281
00:11:46,867 --> 00:11:52,167
(LAUGHTER)
282
00:11:52,167 --> 00:11:54,427
>> WHAT'S THE NUMBER ONE THING
283
00:11:54,433 --> 00:11:59,073
YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE?
284
00:11:59,067 --> 00:12:00,197
>> HOW MUCH THEY ACTUALLY
285
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:00,600
CARE.
286
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,130
>> HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW ABOUT
287
00:12:02,133 --> 00:12:02,533
PSYCHOLOGY?
288
00:12:02,533 --> 00:12:04,933
>> ENOUGH TO GET BY IN LIE.
289
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,503
>> WHERE DO YOU THINK A GOOD
290
00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:07,930
PLACE TO MEET WOMEN IS?
291
00:12:07,933 --> 00:12:09,573
>> IT DEPENDS ON THE SCENARIO.
292
00:12:09,567 --> 00:12:11,127
>> YOU ARE SPEAKING IN VAGUE
293
00:12:11,133 --> 00:12:11,773
CLICHES.
294
00:12:11,767 --> 00:12:12,497
FAVORITE MOVIE?
295
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:13,600
>> BATTLESHIP.
296
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,700
MOVIE?TLESHIP YOUR FAVORITE
297
00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:16,070
>> YES.
298
00:12:16,067 --> 00:12:18,367
>> I HAD SO MUCH RESPECT FOO
299
00:12:18,367 --> 00:12:19,127
YOU FOR THIS ENTIRE INTERVIEW.
300
00:12:19,133 --> 00:12:21,733
RIGHT NOW IF YOUR FATHER
301
00:12:21,733 --> 00:12:25,473
WASN'T SITTING OVER THERE, I
302
00:12:25,467 --> 00:12:27,827
WOULD ATTACK YOU.
303
00:12:27,833 --> 00:12:28,103
IF.
304
00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:29,230
>> IT IS ABOUT THE NAVY.
305
00:12:29,233 --> 00:12:30,903
>> IT IS ABOUT A STUPID WAR
306
00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:31,700
GAME THAT EVERY KID CHEATED
307
00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:32,070
AT.
308
00:12:32,067 --> 00:12:39,367
>> HOW ABOUT FLIRTING WITH
309
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:39,897
YOUR FRIENDS?
310
00:12:39,900 --> 00:12:42,170
>> THAT IS A HORRIBLE IDEA.
311
00:12:42,167 --> 00:12:43,167
>> DO OFF JOB IN.
312
00:12:43,167 --> 00:12:43,767
>> NO.
313
00:12:43,767 --> 00:12:45,697
>> HOW DO YOU PLAN ON TAKING
314
00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:46,830
HER OUT ANYWAY?
315
00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:49,233
>> THE MONEY I GET FOR THIS.
316
00:12:49,233 --> 00:12:49,633
(LAUGHTER)
317
00:12:49,633 --> 00:12:52,133
>> NICE WE ARE CONTRIBUTING.
318
00:12:52,133 --> 00:12:54,403
YOU ARE NOT A SUPER-STRONG
319
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:54,830
VOCALIST.
320
00:12:54,833 --> 00:12:56,073
WE WILL COME UP WITH A NEW
321
00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:56,397
APPROACH.
322
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:56,900
>> FAIR ENOUGH.
323
00:12:56,900 --> 00:13:03,900
>> I WANT WITNESSED WHEN HER
324
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:04,730
YOU READY TO WIN HER BACK?
325
00:13:04,733 --> 00:13:05,933
>> YES.
326
00:13:05,933 --> 00:13:08,133
>> WOMEN LOVER A SENSE OF
327
00:13:08,133 --> 00:13:08,573
HUMOR.
328
00:13:08,567 --> 00:13:09,467
SAY SOMETHING FUNNY.
329
00:13:09,467 --> 00:13:12,167
>> ALL RIGHT.
330
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:12,697
I DON'T REMEMBER.
331
00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:21,070
>> DO SOME YOUR MOMMA JOKES.
332
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:22,197
>> I CAN'T USE THIS ONE.
333
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:29,530
>> TRY A DIFFERENT ONE.
334
00:13:29,533 --> 00:13:31,173
>> YOUR MOM ACTION IS SO DUMB
335
00:13:31,167 --> 00:13:33,667
SHE PUTS ON BUG SPRAY BEFFRE
336
00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:37,127
SHE GOES TO THE FLEA MARKET.
337
00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:38,703
NEEDS A MACH-500 RAZOR.
338
00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:43,870
>> NONE OF THIS IS WORKING,
339
00:13:43,867 --> 00:13:44,167
DAN.
340
00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:48,127
>> SHOW HER HOW STRONG AND
341
00:13:48,133 --> 00:13:50,173
ASSERTIVV YOU ARE.
342
00:13:50,167 --> 00:13:52,367
>> IF YOU DON'T COME DOWN HERE,
343
00:13:52,367 --> 00:13:53,327
I'M GOING TO MURDER YOUR
344
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:53,733
FAMILY.
345
00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:57,903
>> WAY TOO ASSERTIVE.
346
00:13:57,900 --> 00:13:58,830
WHY ARE YOU GROWLING?
347
00:13:58,833 --> 00:13:59,873
>> I DON'T KNOW.
348
00:13:59,867 --> 00:14:00,397
>> ALL RIGHT.
349
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:05,070
NONE OF THIS IS WORKING.
350
00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:05,967
NO GIRLS CAN RESIST A SEXY
351
00:14:05,967 --> 00:14:08,727
VAMPIRE.
352
00:14:08,733 --> 00:14:11,603
(LAUGHTER)
353
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,070
COUNT CHOCULA WORKS.
354
00:14:13,067 --> 00:14:13,467
TAKE THESE.
355
00:14:13,467 --> 00:14:15,497
YOU ARE GOING TO NEED THEM..3
356
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:23,470
DON'T FORGET TO SHOW YOU THE
357
00:14:23,467 --> 00:14:25,267
SUGARY CARBS.
358
00:14:25,267 --> 00:14:30,327
NICE..3
359
00:14:30,333 --> 00:14:30,833
>> IT'' A TRAP!
360
00:14:30,833 --> 00:14:36,433
RUN!
361
00:14:36,433 --> 00:14:37,233
>> THIS IS ALL A BIG
362
00:14:37,233 --> 00:14:40,333
MISUNDERSTOODING.
363
00:14:40,333 --> 00:14:40,933
THIS IS NOT HELPING.
364
00:14:40,933 --> 00:14:42,203
IS IT?
365
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:43,830
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
366
00:14:43,833 --> 00:14:44,903
>> AND IF YOU ARE WONDERING
367
00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:47,330
HOW THAT VAMPIRE SURVIVED IN
368
00:14:47,333 --> 00:14:49,473
THE DAYLIGHT, COUNT CHOCULA IS
369
00:14:49,467 --> 00:14:50,597
A BREAKFAST VAMPIRE.
370
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,670
MAN, IF YOU THINK THAT WAS THE
371
00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:54,127
ENDING I WANTED TO DO, YOU
372
00:14:54,133 --> 00:14:54,903
DON'T WATCH THIS SHOW.
373
00:14:54,900 --> 00:14:58,100
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
374
00:14:58,100 --> 00:15:04,270
INSTALLMENT OF STREET JUSTICE.
375
00:15:04,267 --> 00:15:24,067
(BLEEP) E(BLEEP)
376
00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:37,427
(BLEEP) (BLEEP) (CHEERS AND
377
00:15:37,433 --> 00:15:38,433
APPLAUSE)
378
00:15:38,433 --> 00:15:49,603
>> CASE CLOSED.
379
00:15:49,600 --> 00:16:12,500
(SCREAMING).
380
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:15,070
>> SO I GUESS IT'S OKAY TO
381
00:16:15,067 --> 00:16:16,167
NOW.H EVOLUTION IN SCHOOLS
382
00:16:16,167 --> 00:16:18,227
YOU LIBERALS.
383
00:16:18,233 --> 00:16:19,803
LIKE I KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO
384
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:24,370
BE FOR HALLOWEEN THIS YEAR.
385
00:16:24,367 --> 00:16:33,467
(LAUGHTER)
386
00:16:33,467 --> 00:16:34,697
SCARING MY DOGS WAS NOT NEARLY
387
00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:36,270
AS REWARDING AS I WAS HOPING.
388
00:16:36,267 --> 00:16:37,067
BUT I'M PRETTY CONFIDENT I
389
00:16:37,067 --> 00:16:38,327
KNOW A PLACE WHERE EVERYONE
390
00:16:38,333 --> 00:16:40,573
WILL BE TERRIFIED.
391
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:47,597
(LAUGHTER)
392
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,930
ALL RIGHT.
393
00:16:49,933 --> 00:16:51,333
THAT SUIT COST FIVE GRAND TO
394
00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:51,633
RENT.
395
00:16:51,633 --> 00:16:52,673
I'M NOT GETTING A TICKET FOR
396
00:16:52,667 --> 00:16:57,467
JAYWALKING, TOO.
397
00:16:57,467 --> 00:17:00,627
>> BOOM, BOOM.
398
00:17:00,633 --> 00:17:01,303
OPEN THE DOOR, GET ON THE
399
00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:02,400
FLOOR.
400
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:13,630
EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR.
401
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,603
>> IT DOESN'T DO AS MUCH.
402
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:19,630
>> DID YOU MAKE IT?
403
00:17:19,633 --> 00:17:20,373
KEEP COMING.
404
00:17:20,367 --> 00:17:20,797
KEEP COMING.
405
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,830
YOU ARE DOING GREAT.
406
00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:24,203
YOU GOT, LIKE, SIX ARM
407
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:24,570
LENGTHS.
408
00:17:24,567 --> 00:17:24,867
GOOD.
409
00:17:24,867 --> 00:17:27,227
PERFECT.
410
00:17:27,233 --> 00:17:29,203
ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT ME
411
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,100
TO POSE WITH YOU?
412
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:32,500
I'M A CELEBRITY IN A DINOSAUR
413
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:35,770
COSTUME.
414
00:17:35,767 --> 00:17:36,727
YOU ALL HAD YOUR EYES CLOSED.
415
00:17:36,733 --> 00:17:40,233
>> I'M SORRY.
416
00:17:40,233 --> 00:17:43,373
>> MY ARMS DON'T REACH.
417
00:17:43,367 --> 00:17:44,097
>> DINOSAUR SPERM IS
418
00:17:44,100 --> 00:17:46,430
PRICELESS.
419
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:48,473
TAKING MY BUSINESS TO THAI
420
00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:48,767
TOWN.
421
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:49,467
THEY NEVER SAY NO IN THAI
422
00:17:49,467 --> 00:17:50,297
TOWN.
423
00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:51,330
DON'T FORGET TO GO TO OUR BLOG,
424
00:17:51,333 --> 00:17:55,303
UPLOAD A CLIP FOR OUR VIDEOS.
425
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:56,130
AMANDA MONAHAN IS THE WIN THEY
426
00:17:56,133 --> 00:18:08,903
ARE EEK.
427
00:18:08,900 --> 00:18:11,330
>> HI.
428
00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:13,973
I TOLD YOU I WAS GOING TO TAPE
429
00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:17,927
MYSELF FOR YOU.
430
00:18:17,933 --> 00:18:22,173
AIN'T I A PRETTY GIRL, MOMMA?
431
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:24,067
(LAUGHTER)
432
00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:25,327
>> NICOLE KIDMAN USED TO BE SO
433
00:18:25,333 --> 00:18:27,503
BEAUTIFUL.
434
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:28,570
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
435
00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:30,527
FRIDAY NIGHT STAND-UP WITH
436
00:18:30,533 --> 00:18:38,573
GREG GIRALDO.
437
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:39,900
>> WELCOME BACK.
438
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:41,170
YOU ALL HAVE LESS THAN 24
439
00:18:41,167 --> 00:18:43,067
HOURS TO FINISH SHOVING RAZOR
440
00:18:43,067 --> 00:18:44,427
BLADES INTO YOUR APPLES.
441
00:18:44,433 --> 00:18:45,303
NEXT WEEK ON THE SHOW, I
442
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:46,830
REDEEM A HARDENED CRIMINAL WHO
443
00:18:46,833 --> 00:18:47,533
RIPPED OFF A SWEET INNOCENT
444
00:18:47,533 --> 00:18:49,103
GIRL SCOUT.
445
00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:50,270
>> READY MUCH WE SAW THE GIRL
446
00:18:50,267 --> 00:18:53,067
SCOUTS WITH THEIR LITTLE TABLE.
447
00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:54,667
ME AND MY FRIEND WERE, LIKE,
448
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:55,797
LET'S GET THAT MONEY IN THE
449
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:56,170
ENVELOPE.
450
00:18:56,167 --> 00:18:59,067
>> WHY DID YOU DO IT?
451
00:18:59,067 --> 00:18:59,897
>> WHO DOESN'T LIKE SUN IN I
452
00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:03,970
MEAN, I DON'T KNOW.
453
00:19:03,967 --> 00:19:05,197
>> THAT CHICK IS FLORIDA AS
454
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:08,070
(BLEEP).
455
00:19:08,067 --> 00:19:08,827
TWITTER, BLOG, STORE, TOUR,
456
00:19:08,833 --> 00:19:09,873
CHARITY.
457
00:19:09,867 --> 00:19:10,667
ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
458
00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:12,797
I'M ABOUT TO SHOW YOU A VERY
459
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:13,430
DISTURBED INDIVIDUAL.
460
00:19:13,433 --> 00:19:15,303
SOME MIGHT CALL THEM ANN3
461
00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:16,070
INTERNET TERRORIST.
462
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:17,397
HE IS BEST KNOWN ON-LINE AS
463
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,970
THE YELLOW PEE-PEE MONSTER.
464
00:19:18,967 --> 00:19:20,697
THIS LUNATIC GOES FROM
465
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,530
BATHROOM TO BATHROOM SPRAYING
466
00:19:22,533 --> 00:19:23,833
EVERY AVAILABLE SURFACE WITH
467
00:19:23,833 --> 00:19:25,603
HIS URINE.
468
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,170
HE HAS ANONYMOUSLY POOED
469
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:29,567
HUNDREDS OF VIDEOS.
470
00:19:29,567 --> 00:19:37,497
HERE HE IS AT A BOSTON MARKET.
471
00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:37,930
DON'T LAUGH.
472
00:19:37,933 --> 00:19:38,833
THIS FUGITIVE HAS BEEN AT IT
473
00:19:38,833 --> 00:19:40,203
FOR YEARS.
474
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:49,100
NO ONE HAS EVER CAUGHT HIM.
475
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:50,230
HE APPEARS TO HAAE A VERY
476
00:19:50,233 --> 00:19:53,503
VITAMIN-RICH DIET.
477
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:55,130
WATCH WHAT HE DOES TO A
478
00:19:55,133 --> 00:19:55,803
BATHROOM AT THE CONTAINER
479
00:19:55,800 --> 00:20:02,630
STORE.
480
00:20:02,633 --> 00:20:04,203
I'M SAYING "HE," BUT THAT
481
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:04,770
MIGHH BE A WOMAN.
482
00:20:04,767 --> 00:20:06,627
NO NEED TO PROFILE.
483
00:20:06,633 --> 00:20:08,133
ALL RIGHT.
484
00:20:08,133 --> 00:20:09,133
HERE HE IS AT HIS MOST
485
00:20:09,133 --> 00:20:10,703
DIABOLICAL.
486
00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:11,100
COME ON.
487
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:12,970
NOT THE CLEANING SUPPLIES.
488
00:20:12,967 --> 00:20:13,697
MEXICAN LADIES HAVE TO TOUCH%
489
00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:17,570
THOSE.
490
00:20:17,567 --> 00:20:20,697
HIS YELLOW RAIN OF TERROR MUST
491
00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:21,170
BE STOPPED.
492
00:20:21,167 --> 00:20:22,927
I'M COUNTING ON YOU GUYS TO
493
00:20:22,933 --> 00:20:23,333
HELP ME.
494
00:20:23,333 --> 00:20:25,103
IF OU SEE ANYONE DRINKING A
495
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:27,670
SUSPICIOUS AMOUNT OF LIQUID,
496
00:20:27,667 --> 00:20:28,597
PLEASE E-MAIL THE SHOW.
497
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:31,200
DO NOT APPROACH THE SUBJECT.
498
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:35,470
HIS GLADDER IS EXTREMELY FULL
499
00:20:35,467 --> 00:20:36,467
YOU MIGHT BE SITTING ACROSS
500
00:20:36,467 --> 00:20:38,067
FROM THE YELLOW PEE-PEE
501
00:20:38,067 --> 00:20:38,627
MONSTER AS WE SPEAK.
502
00:20:38,633 --> 00:20:44,003
ALL RIGHT.
503
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,370
THIS WEEK, BIG-FOOT DIES.
504
00:20:46,367 --> 00:20:49,167
FINALLY, YOU WILL BE SHOT ON
505
00:20:49,167 --> 00:20:50,697
pIGHT IF YOU ATTEMPT TO TRICK
506
00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:51,700
OR TREAT ON MY PROPERTY.
507
00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:52,330
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
508
00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:54,003
GOOD NIGHT.
509
00:20:54,000 --> 00:21:02,770
(LAUGHTER)
510
00:21:02,767 --> 00:21:04,127
>> ARE YOU A GOOD STUDENT?
511
00:21:04,133 --> 00:21:04,533
>> YEAH.
512
00:21:04,533 --> 00:21:05,703
>> WHAT IS YOUR WEAKEST
513
00:21:05,700 --> 00:21:06,100
SUBJECT?
514
00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:06,870
>> SCIENCE.
515
00:21:06,867 --> 00:21:07,697
>> PROBABLY BECAUSE I'M
516
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:08,730
STUBBORN.
517
00:21:08,733 --> 00:21:09,573
>> YOU DON'T BELIEVE THE ANY
518
00:21:09,567 --> 00:21:10,597
OF THE SCIENCE?
519
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:11,670
>> A LITTLE BIT OF IT.
520
00:21:11,667 --> 00:21:12,467
>> SOME OF IT?
521
00:21:12,467 --> 00:21:13,067
>> YEAH.
31488
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