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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:22,067 --> 00:00:33,567 >> HAPPY HALLOWEEN, EVERYBODY. 2 00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:41,297 >> OH! 3 00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:42,500 >> THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN 4 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:45,400 YOU (BLEEP) UP. 5 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:50,900 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 6 00:00:56,300 --> 00:00:59,400 YOU OKAY, PUMPKIN? 7 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,830 WELCOME TO TOSH.O. 8 00:01:01,833 --> 00:01:03,273 I'M NOT DRESSED AS A HOT GUY 9 00:01:03,267 --> 00:01:04,297 FOR HALLOWEEN. 10 00:01:04,300 --> 00:01:05,470 IT IS MY OVERPRICED CONCERT 11 00:01:05,467 --> 00:01:09,597 TEE WITH SEXY STUBBLE. 12 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:12,870 THIS WEEK WE ARE FEATUREING 13 00:01:12,867 --> 00:01:13,397 DEAD MOUSE. 14 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:14,630 MOST OF HIS SONGS ARE A SLOW 15 00:01:14,633 --> 00:01:15,373 BUILD AND WE CAN'T AFFORD TO 16 00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:18,897 WAIT FOR THE DROP. 17 00:01:18,900 --> 00:01:20,170 A CLUB KID OUT OF ORLANDO. 18 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,067 I HOPE HE SUES DISNEY OR 19 00:01:22,067 --> 00:01:24,397 COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT. 20 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:25,500 I'D GIVE ANYTHING TO SMELL THE 21 00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:27,630 INSIDE OF THAT MOUSE HEAD. 22 00:01:27,633 --> 00:01:29,173 FORTUNAAELY, FOR YOU THIS IS 23 00:01:29,167 --> 00:01:30,427 OUR HALLOWEEN EPISODE. 24 00:01:30,433 --> 00:01:32,073 WHICH MEANS, OOH, OUR REALLY 25 00:01:32,067 --> 00:01:34,227 GROSS VIDEOS. 26 00:01:34,233 --> 00:01:36,873 INSTEAD OF ONE REALLY GROSS 27 00:01:36,867 --> 00:01:38,527 VIDEO. 28 00:01:38,533 --> 00:01:41,133 THAT IS 100% GROSSER. 29 00:01:41,133 --> 00:01:42,833 I REDEEM THIS CREEPY CAST KNOW 30 00:01:42,833 --> 00:01:45,073 VACHLT I GIVE YOU SNEAK PEEK 31 00:01:45,067 --> 00:01:46,367 AT MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME. 32 00:01:46,367 --> 00:01:47,697 I NEED YOU GGYS TO HELP ME 33 00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:49,630 CATCH A MONSTER. 34 00:01:49,633 --> 00:01:51,173 LET'S SEE WHY IT IS ALWAYS 35 00:01:51,167 --> 00:01:55,867 -pUNLUCKY TO BE UNDER A LADDER. 36 00:01:55,867 --> 00:01:59,327 PHOENIX FOR HALLOWEEN.IN 37 00:01:59,333 --> 00:01:59,773 (LAUGHTER) 38 00:01:59,767 --> 00:02:01,867 IN HIS DEFENSE, THERE WASN'T A 39 00:02:01,867 --> 00:02:03,597 DO NOT SWING A 40-POUND 40 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:04,600 PUMPKIN FROM THE TOP RUNG 41 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:06,670 WARNING STICKER. 42 00:02:06,667 --> 00:02:08,667 I TRIED TO DO A MINI VERSION 43 00:02:08,667 --> 00:02:09,867 OF THAT WITH A STEP-STOOL AND 44 00:02:09,867 --> 00:02:17,627 A GOURD. 45 00:02:17,633 --> 00:02:20,203 OH, I DON'T KNOW WHY HE IS SO 46 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:20,670 JUMPY. 47 00:02:20,667 --> 00:02:22,097 HE GOT HIS BALLS LOPPED OFF 48 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,200 FIVE YEARS AGO. 49 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:26,130 THIS NEXT PERSON, GOD REST IS 50 00:02:26,133 --> 00:02:27,303 SOUL THANKFULLY, SPRANG FOR 51 00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:29,270 THE DELUXE FUNERAL PACKAGE. 52 00:02:29,267 --> 00:02:30,767 IT IS NICE TO SEE THAT NEW 53 00:02:30,767 --> 00:02:32,697 EDITION IS STILL GETTING GIGS. 54 00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:34,530 MUST BE FROM THAT SHOW "SO YOU 55 00:02:34,533 --> 00:02:39,273 THINK YOU CAN PALLBEAR." 56 00:02:39,267 --> 00:02:40,827 * DON'T YOU KNOW, THAT IS 57 00:02:40,833 --> 00:02:49,133 SOUND OF THE MAN... * 58 00:02:49,133 --> 00:02:51,073 THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO 59 00:02:51,067 --> 00:02:52,627 GET IN THE THUG MANSION. 60 00:02:52,633 --> 00:02:53,473 YOU KNOW THERE IS A DEAD CHILD 61 00:02:53,467 --> 00:02:54,767 IN THERE. 62 00:02:54,767 --> 00:02:56,167 HEY, I WAS A LIITLE LATE TO 63 00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:56,627 THAT FUNERAL. 64 00:02:56,633 --> 00:02:57,773 I STILL MANAGED TO PAY MY 65 00:02:57,767 --> 00:03:06,497 RESPECTS. 66 00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:07,070 >> ASHES TO ASHES. 67 00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:09,127 >> IT'S WHAT HE WOULD HAVE 68 00:03:09,133 --> 00:03:10,203 WANTED. 69 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:17,430 HERE IS HOW YOU CELEBRATE 70 00:03:17,433 --> 00:03:18,703 EATING AN ENTIRE 72-OUNCE 71 00:03:18,700 --> 00:03:19,070 STEAK. 72 00:03:19,067 --> 00:03:21,767 >> SO MUCH PRESSURE. 73 00:03:21,767 --> 00:03:28,497 IT HURTS SO BAD. 74 00:03:31,133 --> 00:03:32,733 >> HIS DOODY MUST BE USING 75 00:03:32,733 --> 00:03:33,473 APPLE MAPS TO FIID ITS WAY 76 00:03:33,467 --> 00:03:38,627 OUT. 77 00:03:38,633 --> 00:03:41,073 HOW ABOUT A COURTESY FLUSH, 78 00:03:41,067 --> 00:03:43,067 (BLEEP) FOR BRAINS? 79 00:03:43,067 --> 00:03:43,827 DO I HAVE ANY POOP IN MY 80 00:03:43,833 --> 00:03:46,873 TEETH? 81 00:03:46,867 --> 00:03:48,127 I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD GET 82 00:03:48,133 --> 00:03:49,273 HIM SOME SCOPE OR A ROLL OF 83 00:03:49,267 --> 00:03:53,497 TOILET PAPER. 84 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:56,430 (BLEEP). 85 00:03:56,433 --> 00:03:59,073 >> OH, MY GOD. 86 00:03:59,067 --> 00:04:00,067 CARL'S JR. WOULD FORM THAT 87 00:04:00,067 --> 00:04:02,067 INTO A PATTY, SLATHHR IT IN 88 00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:04,467 GUAC AND FORCE A SUPERMODEL TO 89 00:04:04,467 --> 00:04:05,067 (BLEEP) IT. 90 00:04:05,067 --> 00:04:06,297 OR YOU PEOPLE EAST OF THE 91 00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:07,670 MISSISSIPPI, JUST CHANGE THAT 92 00:04:07,667 --> 00:04:09,767 LAST JOKE TO HARDEE'S. 93 00:04:09,767 --> 00:04:10,397 NOW WE ARE ALL LAUGHING 94 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:10,800 TOGETHER. 95 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:11,900 OKAY. 96 00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:12,700 ISN'T THERE ANYTHING CUTT ON 97 00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:13,470 THE INTERNET ANYMORE? 98 00:04:13,467 --> 00:04:16,167 LIKE A MANLY MAN TEACHING A 99 00:04:16,167 --> 00:04:31,067 WOLF CUB TO HOWL? 100 00:04:31,067 --> 00:04:31,467 (HOWLING) 101 00:04:31,467 --> 00:04:33,127 >> KRISTEN STEWART CHEATED ON 102 00:04:33,133 --> 00:04:33,903 THAT WOLF, TOO. 103 00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:35,770 BECAUSE SHE IS A WHORE. 104 00:04:35,767 --> 00:04:37,267 A HOME-WRECKING WHORE. 105 00:04:37,267 --> 00:04:42,497 NEVER FORGET. 106 00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:43,870 THEY REALLY MISSED THE BOAT BY 107 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:46,967 NOT NAMING HALLOWEEN 108 00:04:46,967 --> 00:04:47,727 HOWL-O-WWEN. 109 00:04:47,733 --> 00:04:49,233 THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN 110 00:04:49,233 --> 00:04:57,903 DRACULA GIVES YOU A HICKEY. 111 00:05:03,867 --> 00:05:05,327 >> ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE 112 00:05:05,333 --> 00:05:06,403 PART THE DOCTOR SAID YOU COULD 113 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:16,670 DO AT HOME? 114 00:05:16,667 --> 00:05:18,527 I GUESS OBAMACARE DOESN'T 115 00:05:18,533 --> 00:05:22,173 COVER GIANT NECK (BLEEP). 116 00:05:22,167 --> 00:05:23,367 A LITTLE SUMMER'S EVE SHOULD 117 00:05:23,367 --> 00:05:28,227 CLEAR THAT RIGHT UP. 118 00:05:28,233 --> 00:05:29,173 NOW, WHO IS IN THE MOOD FOR A 119 00:05:29,167 --> 00:05:34,227 LITTLE HALLOWEEN TRICK? 120 00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:44,173 (LAUGHTER) 121 00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:48,773 * TA-DA. 122 00:05:48,767 --> 00:05:50,097 THERE WAS ALSO SUPPOSED TO BE 123 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,400 A IN THERE. 124 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:56,370 AND A JACK OF DIAMONDS. 125 00:05:56,367 --> 00:06:02,297 WHAT'S NEXT? 126 00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:02,830 CONGRATULATIONS. 127 00:06:02,833 --> 00:06:06,533 NOW YOU HAVE FOUR SMALL LOGS 128 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,103 LET'S SEE WHY THERE'S NOTHING 129 00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:09,300 MORE EMBARRASSIIG THAN FAILING 130 00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:11,100 YOUR ADULT KARATE RECITAL IN 131 00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:12,700 THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN. 132 00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:13,730 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 133 00:06:13,733 --> 00:06:18,103 WHERE DO KARATE GUYS GET THEIR 134 00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:20,230 WOOD? 135 00:06:20,233 --> 00:06:21,133 LIKE, IS THAT A WWOLES CAN 136 00:06:21,133 --> 00:06:26,633 SALE THING? 137 00:06:26,633 --> 00:06:28,203 THERE ARE SO MANY REAL WORLD 138 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,070 APPLICATIONS FOR THIS ABILITY. 139 00:06:29,067 --> 00:06:30,297 FOR EXAMPLE, YOUR BABY COULD 140 00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:31,830 BE STUCK INSIDE A LOGUE TRRP 141 00:06:31,833 --> 00:06:33,333 THAT'S EXACTLY AT SHIN HEIGHT. 142 00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:35,133 WHAT YOU GONE ACTION CALL? 143 00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:36,103 OOH, I'VE DONE THHT ON MY 144 00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:36,630 COFFEE TABLE. 145 00:06:36,633 --> 00:06:37,973 SMART MOVE. 146 00:06:37,967 --> 00:06:40,127 BLAME THE HOLDER. 147 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,503 THAT IS WHAT RAY FINKLE DID. 148 00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:47,570 ALL RIGHT. 149 00:06:47,567 --> 00:06:49,127 WHO IS THE WISE GUY WHO 150 00:06:49,133 --> 00:06:50,233 SWITCHED OUR NORMAL SHIN LOGS 151 00:06:50,233 --> 00:06:55,433 WITH MAPLE? 152 00:06:55,433 --> 00:06:56,373 OKAY NO, BIG DEAL. 153 00:06:56,367 --> 00:06:57,497 TRY KICKING HARDER. 154 00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,500 SHINS ARE VERY RESILIENT. 155 00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:01,300 YOU CAN JUST WAVE IT ASIDE? 156 00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:02,570 THAT SEEMS WAY EASIER. 157 00:07:02,567 --> 00:07:04,367 IT HAS TO BE EMBARRASSING TO 158 00:07:04,367 --> 00:07:08,067 FAIL SOMETHING STEVEN SEGAL 159 00:07:08,067 --> 00:07:09,327 MASTERED. 160 00:07:09,333 --> 00:07:11,103 JETER BROKE HIS LEG DOING A 161 00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:12,400 LOT LESS. 162 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:19,670 (BLEEP). 163 00:07:19,667 --> 00:07:22,127 HOPEFULLY, THAT LAST LOG WHICH 164 00:07:22,133 --> 00:07:28,233 IS THE EXACT SSME SIZE WILL 165 00:07:28,233 --> 00:07:29,073 -pGIVE. 166 00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:30,097 IF OTHER NINJAS MUST BE SO 167 00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:32,530 EMBARRASSED. 168 00:07:32,533 --> 00:07:33,603 SOMEONE PUT HIM OUT OF HIS 169 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:39,370 MISERY. 170 00:07:39,367 --> 00:07:40,467 TWO OUT F FIVE. 171 00:07:40,467 --> 00:07:41,967 I THOUGHT ONLY COWBOY FANS 172 00:07:41,967 --> 00:07:44,097 CHEERED LIKE ASS HOLES FOR A 173 00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:44,600 LOSING RECORD. 174 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:45,570 FOR HAT, WE THANK YOU. 175 00:07:45,567 --> 00:07:51,727 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THIS 176 00:07:51,733 --> 00:07:53,073 CHUBBY LITTLE PANTY DROPPER. 177 00:07:53,067 --> 00:07:54,427 BUT FIRST, WE ARE NOT ALLOWED 178 00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:55,503 TO SHOW YOU HOW THIS VIDEO 179 00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:57,130 ENDS. 180 00:08:15,567 --> 00:08:16,497 >> LOOK INTO MY EYESS 181 00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:24,170 YOU WILL SEE. 182 00:08:24,167 --> 00:08:31,097 (LAUGHTER) 183 00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:35,570 I DO IT FOR YOU. 184 00:08:35,567 --> 00:08:38,097 >> DON'T LET THE HORRENDOUS 185 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,070 SINGING DISTRACT YOU FROM THE 186 00:08:39,067 --> 00:08:39,597 FACT THAT THERE IS A 187 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,670 13-YEAR-OLD WEARING A TOMMY 188 00:08:41,667 --> 00:08:43,297 BAHAMA SHIRT. 189 00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:44,800 HE THOUGHT THE BEST WAY TO WOO 190 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:46,170 THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE WAS TO 191 00:08:46,167 --> 00:08:47,667 MUMBLE A TUNE FROM THE ROBIN 192 00:08:47,667 --> 00:08:48,867 HOOD SOUNDTRACK. 193 00:08:48,867 --> 00:08:50,227 BRYAN ADAMS WOULD BE ROLLING 194 00:08:50,233 --> 00:08:51,573 OVER IN HIS GRAVE IF HE HEARD. 195 00:08:51,567 --> 00:08:53,927 THAT HE IS DEAD, RIIHT? 196 00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:55,173 TOM IS PROOF THAT LIFE BETWEEN 197 00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:56,827 YOUR FIRST BONER AND GETTING 198 00:08:56,833 --> 00:08:57,603 YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE IS 199 00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,600 MAGICAL. 200 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:00,670 REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME YOU 201 00:09:00,667 --> 00:09:01,927 TOUCHED A PAIR OF BOOB THAT IS 202 00:09:01,933 --> 00:09:03,473 WEREN'T YOUR SISTER'S? 203 00:09:03,467 --> 00:09:07,467 THE PROBLEM IS GIRLS MATURE 204 00:09:07,467 --> 00:09:15,427 FASTER THAN BOYS. 205 00:09:15,433 --> 00:09:16,573 BLACK GUYS ALWAYS REMEMBER 206 00:09:16,567 --> 00:09:17,097 THEIR FIRST CRUSH. 207 00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:19,730 YOU CAN'T FORGET SOMEONE WHEN 208 00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,233 YOU LEGALLY HAVE TO WRITE THEM 209 00:09:21,233 --> 00:09:29,803 A CHECK EVERY SINGLE MONTH. 210 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:31,400 WHEN YOU ARE A KID, LOVE IS SO 211 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,500 EXCITING AND NEW. 212 00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:34,500 YOU CAN CHASE LITTLE GIRLS ON 213 00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:35,970 THE PLAYGROUND AND HOLD THEIR 214 00:09:35,967 --> 00:09:38,097 SKIRTS UP WITHOUT BECOMING A 215 00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:39,830 REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER.% 216 00:09:39,833 --> 00:09:41,673 THAT IS WHY I FLEW TOM TO 217 00:09:41,667 --> 00:09:43,267 HOLLYWOOD WHERE EVERYONE IS IN 218 00:09:43,267 --> 00:09:44,067 LOVE WITH THEMSELVES. 219 00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:45,227 FOR THIS WEEK'S WEB 220 00:09:45,233 --> 00:09:46,403 REDEMPTION. 221 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:48,070 THANK YOU. 222 00:09:48,067 --> 00:09:48,927 THAT WAS TRULY PAINFUL. 223 00:09:48,933 --> 00:09:53,973 COME ON. 224 00:09:53,967 --> 00:09:57,397 NEXT UP, DOING SOME ROMANTIC 225 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:58,500 DUETS WITH YOURS TRULY. 226 00:09:58,500 --> 00:09:59,230 GIVE IT UP FOR TOM! 227 00:09:59,233 --> 00:10:01,603 COME ON! 228 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:05,700 YOU READY TO ROCK THIS PUPPY? 229 00:10:05,700 --> 00:10:08,600 * SUMMER LOVIN', HAVING A 230 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:09,100 BLAST * 231 00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:11,430 * SUMMER LOVIN', HAPPENED SO 232 00:10:11,433 --> 00:10:13,003 FAST * 233 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,500 * SAW YOU YESTERDAY WITH AN 234 00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:19,470 OLD FRIEND * 235 00:10:19,467 --> 00:10:20,667 * I GOT YOU BABE, I GOT YOU 236 00:10:20,667 --> 00:10:31,897 BABE * 237 00:10:31,900 --> 00:10:32,830 * AIN'T NOTHING BUT A GANGSTER 238 00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:36,903 PARTY * 239 00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:37,530 >> OKAY. 240 00:10:37,533 --> 00:10:38,233 DO NOT ENCOURAGE HIM. 241 00:10:38,233 --> 00:10:40,373 TOM, HOW OLD ARE YOU? 242 00:10:40,367 --> 00:10:40,697 >> 13. 243 00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:44,030 >> ARE YOU BIG FOR YOUR AGE? 244 00:10:44,033 --> 00:10:44,473 >> A ITTLE. 245 00:10:44,467 --> 00:10:47,697 >> YOU SEEM BIG FOR 30. 246 00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:50,370 ARE YOU FAN OF BRYAN ADAMS? 247 00:10:50,367 --> 00:10:51,897 MOST 13-YEAR-OLDS AREN'T 248 00:10:51,900 --> 00:10:55,530 FAMILIAR WITH BRYAN ADAMS' 249 00:10:55,533 --> 00:10:56,803 MUSII. 250 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:57,600 I'M NOT LIKE MOST FANS. 251 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:00,130 >> NAME ANOTHER SONG. 252 00:11:00,133 --> 00:11:02,373 >> "SUMMER OF '69." 253 00:11:02,367 --> 00:11:03,497 >> TELL ME WHY YOU MADE THE 254 00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:12,830 VIDEO AND... 255 00:11:12,833 --> 00:11:14,133 MY FRIEND TOLD ME SHE LOVED 256 00:11:14,133 --> 00:11:14,403 IT. 257 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,800 >> DO YOU THINK SHE HAS 258 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:17,570 FEELINGS TOWARD YOU AT ALL? 259 00:11:17,567 --> 00:11:18,127 >> I HAVE NO IDEA. 260 00:11:18,133 --> 00:11:20,373 >> IS THAT WHY YOU ARE GROWING 261 00:11:20,367 --> 00:11:21,097 THE MUSTACHE.% 262 00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:21,630 >> YEAH, A ITTLE. 263 00:11:21,633 --> 00:11:22,073 >> NICE. 264 00:11:22,067 --> 00:11:22,797 YOU THINK YOU WILL ALWAYS LOVE 265 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:23,070 HER. 266 00:11:23,067 --> 00:11:26,067 >> DEEP DOWN, PROBABLY. 267 00:11:26,067 --> 00:11:27,467 YOU KNOW, YOU NEVER KNOW HOW 268 00:11:27,467 --> 00:11:28,127 THE FUTURE WILL TURN OUT. 269 00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:30,573 >> YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW IT'S 270 00:11:30,567 --> 00:11:31,397 GOING TO TURN OUT? 271 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:31,770 >> HOW? 272 00:11:31,767 --> 00:11:32,927 >> DEPRESSING. 273 00:11:32,933 --> 00:11:34,133 HOW MANY TAKES DID YOU DO? 274 00:11:34,133 --> 00:11:35,903 >> 30 FOR EACH SCENE. 275 00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:38,130 >> BOY, LET'S STOP THERE. 276 00:11:38,133 --> 00:11:39,273 30 TAKES PER SCENE? 277 00:11:39,267 --> 00:11:40,667 SO YOU ARE TELLING ME THERE IS 278 00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,697 A MUCH WORSE VERSION OF THIS 279 00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:43,530 THAT YOU COULD HAVE PUT OUT? 280 00:11:43,533 --> 00:11:46,873 >> YES. 281 00:11:46,867 --> 00:11:52,167 (LAUGHTER) 282 00:11:52,167 --> 00:11:54,427 >> WHAT'S THE NUMBER ONE THING 283 00:11:54,433 --> 00:11:59,073 YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE? 284 00:11:59,067 --> 00:12:00,197 >> HOW MUCH THEY ACTUALLY 285 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:00,600 CARE. 286 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,130 >> HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW ABOUT 287 00:12:02,133 --> 00:12:02,533 PSYCHOLOGY? 288 00:12:02,533 --> 00:12:04,933 >> ENOUGH TO GET BY IN LIE. 289 00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,503 >> WHERE DO YOU THINK A GOOD 290 00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:07,930 PLACE TO MEET WOMEN IS? 291 00:12:07,933 --> 00:12:09,573 >> IT DEPENDS ON THE SCENARIO. 292 00:12:09,567 --> 00:12:11,127 >> YOU ARE SPEAKING IN VAGUE 293 00:12:11,133 --> 00:12:11,773 CLICHES. 294 00:12:11,767 --> 00:12:12,497 FAVORITE MOVIE? 295 00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:13,600 >> BATTLESHIP. 296 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,700 MOVIE?TLESHIP YOUR FAVORITE 297 00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:16,070 >> YES. 298 00:12:16,067 --> 00:12:18,367 >> I HAD SO MUCH RESPECT FOO 299 00:12:18,367 --> 00:12:19,127 YOU FOR THIS ENTIRE INTERVIEW. 300 00:12:19,133 --> 00:12:21,733 RIGHT NOW IF YOUR FATHER 301 00:12:21,733 --> 00:12:25,473 WASN'T SITTING OVER THERE, I 302 00:12:25,467 --> 00:12:27,827 WOULD ATTACK YOU. 303 00:12:27,833 --> 00:12:28,103 IF. 304 00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:29,230 >> IT IS ABOUT THE NAVY. 305 00:12:29,233 --> 00:12:30,903 >> IT IS ABOUT A STUPID WAR 306 00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:31,700 GAME THAT EVERY KID CHEATED 307 00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:32,070 AT. 308 00:12:32,067 --> 00:12:39,367 >> HOW ABOUT FLIRTING WITH 309 00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:39,897 YOUR FRIENDS? 310 00:12:39,900 --> 00:12:42,170 >> THAT IS A HORRIBLE IDEA. 311 00:12:42,167 --> 00:12:43,167 >> DO OFF JOB IN. 312 00:12:43,167 --> 00:12:43,767 >> NO. 313 00:12:43,767 --> 00:12:45,697 >> HOW DO YOU PLAN ON TAKING 314 00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:46,830 HER OUT ANYWAY? 315 00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:49,233 >> THE MONEY I GET FOR THIS. 316 00:12:49,233 --> 00:12:49,633 (LAUGHTER) 317 00:12:49,633 --> 00:12:52,133 >> NICE WE ARE CONTRIBUTING. 318 00:12:52,133 --> 00:12:54,403 YOU ARE NOT A SUPER-STRONG 319 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:54,830 VOCALIST. 320 00:12:54,833 --> 00:12:56,073 WE WILL COME UP WITH A NEW 321 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:56,397 APPROACH. 322 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:56,900 >> FAIR ENOUGH. 323 00:12:56,900 --> 00:13:03,900 >> I WANT WITNESSED WHEN HER 324 00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:04,730 YOU READY TO WIN HER BACK? 325 00:13:04,733 --> 00:13:05,933 >> YES. 326 00:13:05,933 --> 00:13:08,133 >> WOMEN LOVER A SENSE OF 327 00:13:08,133 --> 00:13:08,573 HUMOR. 328 00:13:08,567 --> 00:13:09,467 SAY SOMETHING FUNNY. 329 00:13:09,467 --> 00:13:12,167 >> ALL RIGHT. 330 00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:12,697 I DON'T REMEMBER. 331 00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:21,070 >> DO SOME YOUR MOMMA JOKES. 332 00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:22,197 >> I CAN'T USE THIS ONE. 333 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:29,530 >> TRY A DIFFERENT ONE. 334 00:13:29,533 --> 00:13:31,173 >> YOUR MOM ACTION IS SO DUMB 335 00:13:31,167 --> 00:13:33,667 SHE PUTS ON BUG SPRAY BEFFRE 336 00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:37,127 SHE GOES TO THE FLEA MARKET. 337 00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:38,703 NEEDS A MACH-500 RAZOR. 338 00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:43,870 >> NONE OF THIS IS WORKING, 339 00:13:43,867 --> 00:13:44,167 DAN. 340 00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:48,127 >> SHOW HER HOW STRONG AND 341 00:13:48,133 --> 00:13:50,173 ASSERTIVV YOU ARE. 342 00:13:50,167 --> 00:13:52,367 >> IF YOU DON'T COME DOWN HERE, 343 00:13:52,367 --> 00:13:53,327 I'M GOING TO MURDER YOUR 344 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:53,733 FAMILY. 345 00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:57,903 >> WAY TOO ASSERTIVE. 346 00:13:57,900 --> 00:13:58,830 WHY ARE YOU GROWLING? 347 00:13:58,833 --> 00:13:59,873 >> I DON'T KNOW. 348 00:13:59,867 --> 00:14:00,397 >> ALL RIGHT. 349 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:05,070 NONE OF THIS IS WORKING. 350 00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:05,967 NO GIRLS CAN RESIST A SEXY 351 00:14:05,967 --> 00:14:08,727 VAMPIRE. 352 00:14:08,733 --> 00:14:11,603 (LAUGHTER) 353 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,070 COUNT CHOCULA WORKS. 354 00:14:13,067 --> 00:14:13,467 TAKE THESE. 355 00:14:13,467 --> 00:14:15,497 YOU ARE GOING TO NEED THEM..3 356 00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:23,470 DON'T FORGET TO SHOW YOU THE 357 00:14:23,467 --> 00:14:25,267 SUGARY CARBS. 358 00:14:25,267 --> 00:14:30,327 NICE..3 359 00:14:30,333 --> 00:14:30,833 >> IT'' A TRAP! 360 00:14:30,833 --> 00:14:36,433 RUN! 361 00:14:36,433 --> 00:14:37,233 >> THIS IS ALL A BIG 362 00:14:37,233 --> 00:14:40,333 MISUNDERSTOODING. 363 00:14:40,333 --> 00:14:40,933 THIS IS NOT HELPING. 364 00:14:40,933 --> 00:14:42,203 IS IT? 365 00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:43,830 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 366 00:14:43,833 --> 00:14:44,903 >> AND IF YOU ARE WONDERING 367 00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:47,330 HOW THAT VAMPIRE SURVIVED IN 368 00:14:47,333 --> 00:14:49,473 THE DAYLIGHT, COUNT CHOCULA IS 369 00:14:49,467 --> 00:14:50,597 A BREAKFAST VAMPIRE. 370 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,670 MAN, IF YOU THINK THAT WAS THE 371 00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:54,127 ENDING I WANTED TO DO, YOU 372 00:14:54,133 --> 00:14:54,903 DON'T WATCH THIS SHOW. 373 00:14:54,900 --> 00:14:58,100 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 374 00:14:58,100 --> 00:15:04,270 INSTALLMENT OF STREET JUSTICE. 375 00:15:04,267 --> 00:15:24,067 (BLEEP) E(BLEEP) 376 00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:37,427 (BLEEP) (BLEEP) (CHEERS AND 377 00:15:37,433 --> 00:15:38,433 APPLAUSE) 378 00:15:38,433 --> 00:15:49,603 >> CASE CLOSED. 379 00:15:49,600 --> 00:16:12,500 (SCREAMING). 380 00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:15,070 >> SO I GUESS IT'S OKAY TO 381 00:16:15,067 --> 00:16:16,167 NOW.H EVOLUTION IN SCHOOLS 382 00:16:16,167 --> 00:16:18,227 YOU LIBERALS. 383 00:16:18,233 --> 00:16:19,803 LIKE I KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO 384 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:24,370 BE FOR HALLOWEEN THIS YEAR. 385 00:16:24,367 --> 00:16:33,467 (LAUGHTER) 386 00:16:33,467 --> 00:16:34,697 SCARING MY DOGS WAS NOT NEARLY 387 00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:36,270 AS REWARDING AS I WAS HOPING. 388 00:16:36,267 --> 00:16:37,067 BUT I'M PRETTY CONFIDENT I 389 00:16:37,067 --> 00:16:38,327 KNOW A PLACE WHERE EVERYONE 390 00:16:38,333 --> 00:16:40,573 WILL BE TERRIFIED. 391 00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:47,597 (LAUGHTER) 392 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,930 ALL RIGHT. 393 00:16:49,933 --> 00:16:51,333 THAT SUIT COST FIVE GRAND TO 394 00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:51,633 RENT. 395 00:16:51,633 --> 00:16:52,673 I'M NOT GETTING A TICKET FOR 396 00:16:52,667 --> 00:16:57,467 JAYWALKING, TOO. 397 00:16:57,467 --> 00:17:00,627 >> BOOM, BOOM. 398 00:17:00,633 --> 00:17:01,303 OPEN THE DOOR, GET ON THE 399 00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:02,400 FLOOR. 400 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:13,630 EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR. 401 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,603 >> IT DOESN'T DO AS MUCH. 402 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:19,630 >> DID YOU MAKE IT? 403 00:17:19,633 --> 00:17:20,373 KEEP COMING. 404 00:17:20,367 --> 00:17:20,797 KEEP COMING. 405 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,830 YOU ARE DOING GREAT. 406 00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:24,203 YOU GOT, LIKE, SIX ARM 407 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:24,570 LENGTHS. 408 00:17:24,567 --> 00:17:24,867 GOOD. 409 00:17:24,867 --> 00:17:27,227 PERFECT. 410 00:17:27,233 --> 00:17:29,203 ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT ME 411 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,100 TO POSE WITH YOU? 412 00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:32,500 I'M A CELEBRITY IN A DINOSAUR 413 00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:35,770 COSTUME. 414 00:17:35,767 --> 00:17:36,727 YOU ALL HAD YOUR EYES CLOSED. 415 00:17:36,733 --> 00:17:40,233 >> I'M SORRY. 416 00:17:40,233 --> 00:17:43,373 >> MY ARMS DON'T REACH. 417 00:17:43,367 --> 00:17:44,097 >> DINOSAUR SPERM IS 418 00:17:44,100 --> 00:17:46,430 PRICELESS. 419 00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:48,473 TAKING MY BUSINESS TO THAI 420 00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:48,767 TOWN. 421 00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:49,467 THEY NEVER SAY NO IN THAI 422 00:17:49,467 --> 00:17:50,297 TOWN. 423 00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:51,330 DON'T FORGET TO GO TO OUR BLOG, 424 00:17:51,333 --> 00:17:55,303 UPLOAD A CLIP FOR OUR VIDEOS. 425 00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:56,130 AMANDA MONAHAN IS THE WIN THEY 426 00:17:56,133 --> 00:18:08,903 ARE EEK. 427 00:18:08,900 --> 00:18:11,330 >> HI. 428 00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:13,973 I TOLD YOU I WAS GOING TO TAPE 429 00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:17,927 MYSELF FOR YOU. 430 00:18:17,933 --> 00:18:22,173 AIN'T I A PRETTY GIRL, MOMMA? 431 00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:24,067 (LAUGHTER) 432 00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:25,327 >> NICOLE KIDMAN USED TO BE SO 433 00:18:25,333 --> 00:18:27,503 BEAUTIFUL. 434 00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:28,570 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE 435 00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:30,527 FRIDAY NIGHT STAND-UP WITH 436 00:18:30,533 --> 00:18:38,573 GREG GIRALDO. 437 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:39,900 >> WELCOME BACK. 438 00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:41,170 YOU ALL HAVE LESS THAN 24 439 00:18:41,167 --> 00:18:43,067 HOURS TO FINISH SHOVING RAZOR 440 00:18:43,067 --> 00:18:44,427 BLADES INTO YOUR APPLES. 441 00:18:44,433 --> 00:18:45,303 NEXT WEEK ON THE SHOW, I 442 00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:46,830 REDEEM A HARDENED CRIMINAL WHO 443 00:18:46,833 --> 00:18:47,533 RIPPED OFF A SWEET INNOCENT 444 00:18:47,533 --> 00:18:49,103 GIRL SCOUT. 445 00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:50,270 >> READY MUCH WE SAW THE GIRL 446 00:18:50,267 --> 00:18:53,067 SCOUTS WITH THEIR LITTLE TABLE. 447 00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:54,667 ME AND MY FRIEND WERE, LIKE, 448 00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:55,797 LET'S GET THAT MONEY IN THE 449 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:56,170 ENVELOPE. 450 00:18:56,167 --> 00:18:59,067 >> WHY DID YOU DO IT? 451 00:18:59,067 --> 00:18:59,897 >> WHO DOESN'T LIKE SUN IN I 452 00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:03,970 MEAN, I DON'T KNOW. 453 00:19:03,967 --> 00:19:05,197 >> THAT CHICK IS FLORIDA AS 454 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:08,070 (BLEEP). 455 00:19:08,067 --> 00:19:08,827 TWITTER, BLOG, STORE, TOUR, 456 00:19:08,833 --> 00:19:09,873 CHARITY. 457 00:19:09,867 --> 00:19:10,667 ALL RIGHT, GUYS. 458 00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:12,797 I'M ABOUT TO SHOW YOU A VERY 459 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:13,430 DISTURBED INDIVIDUAL. 460 00:19:13,433 --> 00:19:15,303 SOME MIGHT CALL THEM ANN3 461 00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:16,070 INTERNET TERRORIST. 462 00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:17,397 HE IS BEST KNOWN ON-LINE AS 463 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,970 THE YELLOW PEE-PEE MONSTER. 464 00:19:18,967 --> 00:19:20,697 THIS LUNATIC GOES FROM 465 00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,530 BATHROOM TO BATHROOM SPRAYING 466 00:19:22,533 --> 00:19:23,833 EVERY AVAILABLE SURFACE WITH 467 00:19:23,833 --> 00:19:25,603 HIS URINE. 468 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,170 HE HAS ANONYMOUSLY POOED 469 00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:29,567 HUNDREDS OF VIDEOS. 470 00:19:29,567 --> 00:19:37,497 HERE HE IS AT A BOSTON MARKET. 471 00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:37,930 DON'T LAUGH. 472 00:19:37,933 --> 00:19:38,833 THIS FUGITIVE HAS BEEN AT IT 473 00:19:38,833 --> 00:19:40,203 FOR YEARS. 474 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:49,100 NO ONE HAS EVER CAUGHT HIM. 475 00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:50,230 HE APPEARS TO HAAE A VERY 476 00:19:50,233 --> 00:19:53,503 VITAMIN-RICH DIET. 477 00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:55,130 WATCH WHAT HE DOES TO A 478 00:19:55,133 --> 00:19:55,803 BATHROOM AT THE CONTAINER 479 00:19:55,800 --> 00:20:02,630 STORE. 480 00:20:02,633 --> 00:20:04,203 I'M SAYING "HE," BUT THAT 481 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:04,770 MIGHH BE A WOMAN. 482 00:20:04,767 --> 00:20:06,627 NO NEED TO PROFILE. 483 00:20:06,633 --> 00:20:08,133 ALL RIGHT. 484 00:20:08,133 --> 00:20:09,133 HERE HE IS AT HIS MOST 485 00:20:09,133 --> 00:20:10,703 DIABOLICAL. 486 00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:11,100 COME ON. 487 00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:12,970 NOT THE CLEANING SUPPLIES. 488 00:20:12,967 --> 00:20:13,697 MEXICAN LADIES HAVE TO TOUCH% 489 00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:17,570 THOSE. 490 00:20:17,567 --> 00:20:20,697 HIS YELLOW RAIN OF TERROR MUST 491 00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:21,170 BE STOPPED. 492 00:20:21,167 --> 00:20:22,927 I'M COUNTING ON YOU GUYS TO 493 00:20:22,933 --> 00:20:23,333 HELP ME. 494 00:20:23,333 --> 00:20:25,103 IF OU SEE ANYONE DRINKING A 495 00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:27,670 SUSPICIOUS AMOUNT OF LIQUID, 496 00:20:27,667 --> 00:20:28,597 PLEASE E-MAIL THE SHOW. 497 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:31,200 DO NOT APPROACH THE SUBJECT. 498 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:35,470 HIS GLADDER IS EXTREMELY FULL 499 00:20:35,467 --> 00:20:36,467 YOU MIGHT BE SITTING ACROSS 500 00:20:36,467 --> 00:20:38,067 FROM THE YELLOW PEE-PEE 501 00:20:38,067 --> 00:20:38,627 MONSTER AS WE SPEAK. 502 00:20:38,633 --> 00:20:44,003 ALL RIGHT. 503 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,370 THIS WEEK, BIG-FOOT DIES. 504 00:20:46,367 --> 00:20:49,167 FINALLY, YOU WILL BE SHOT ON 505 00:20:49,167 --> 00:20:50,697 pIGHT IF YOU ATTEMPT TO TRICK 506 00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:51,700 OR TREAT ON MY PROPERTY. 507 00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:52,330 YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. 508 00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:54,003 GOOD NIGHT. 509 00:20:54,000 --> 00:21:02,770 (LAUGHTER) 510 00:21:02,767 --> 00:21:04,127 >> ARE YOU A GOOD STUDENT? 511 00:21:04,133 --> 00:21:04,533 >> YEAH. 512 00:21:04,533 --> 00:21:05,703 >> WHAT IS YOUR WEAKEST 513 00:21:05,700 --> 00:21:06,100 SUBJECT? 514 00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:06,870 >> SCIENCE. 515 00:21:06,867 --> 00:21:07,697 >> PROBABLY BECAUSE I'M 516 00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:08,730 STUBBORN. 517 00:21:08,733 --> 00:21:09,573 >> YOU DON'T BELIEVE THE ANY 518 00:21:09,567 --> 00:21:10,597 OF THE SCIENCE? 519 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:11,670 >> A LITTLE BIT OF IT. 520 00:21:11,667 --> 00:21:12,467 >> SOME OF IT? 521 00:21:12,467 --> 00:21:13,067 >> YEAH. 31488

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