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>> HI.
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TODAY I'M SELLING GIRL SCOUT
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COOKIES AND SO FAR I'VE BEEN
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DOING THIS MANY AND -- SORRY,
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UM, I ALREADY SOLD 60 BOXES.
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WHOOP-WHOOP.
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WHOOP-WHOOP.
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I USUALLY SELL LIKE TEN BOXES
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BUT I SOLD 60.
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[LAUGHTER]
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>> OW.
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[LAUGHTER]
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[ CRYING ]
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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>> Tosh: IT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR
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BLOCKING THE ENTRANCE TO THE
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GROCERY STORE YOU COOKIE PUSHER.
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WHOOP-WHOOP.
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WELCOME TO "TOSH.0."
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THIS IS THE FINAL INSTALLMENT OF
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SICK KICKS FOR THE LADIES AND
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ENDING WITH THE NIKE AIR MAX
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PLUS 2012 OLYMPIC EDITION.
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WHAT BETTER WAY TO CELEBRATE
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INTERNATIONAL COMPETITION THAN
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WITH A SHOE MADE BY CHINESE
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CHILDREN FOR AMERICAN PROFIT.
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THE USA!
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TONIGHT ON THE SHOW WE PROVE
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THAT IT'S NOT EASY BEING QUEASY.
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I GO FOR THE GOLD AND I BLOW
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YOUR GODDAMN MIND WITH MY 100%
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ACCURATE PREDICTIONS.
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ALL RIGHT.
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TIME TO WORK ON HER FIRST-AID
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BADGE.
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>> I ALREADY SOLD 60 BOXES.
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>> YOU DIDN'T DO [BLEEP].
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THEY SELL THEMSELVES.
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>> I USUALLY SELL LIKE TEN BOXES
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BUT I SOLD 60.
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[LAUGHTER]
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>> Tosh: YOU KNOW WHO LOVES THIS
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VIDEO, EVERYONE IN HER DAD'S
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OFFICE.
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LUCKILY THERE'S A THIN MINT IN
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THE FREEZER FROM '07.
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REDUCES SWELLING.
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THERE'S A CONSPIRACY THEORY
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GOING AROUND SHE DIDN'T FALL.
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SHE WAS PUSHED.
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[ DRAMATIC MUSIC ]
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>> OW.
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>> Tosh: THAT'S WHAT YOU GET.
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THAT'S WHAT YOU GET.
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FIVE BUCKS A BOX.
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COOKIES.
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NUM, NUM, NUM.
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>> Tosh: NOT ONE ACTING CLASS
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EVER.
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ONLY FURRY WEAR IS MONSTER FUR.
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HERE'S PROOF BALLY HAS BEEN A
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[BLEEP] HOLE FOR YEARS.
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THERE ARE NO STATIONARY BIKES AT
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THE GYM BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T
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INVENTED THE WHEEL YET.
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THAT'S WHAT THE WEIGHTLIFTING
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ROOM WILL LOOK LIKE AT PENN
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STATE ONCE THEY'RE DONE GETTING
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SUED.
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THE PLACE CLOSES AT DUSK BECAUSE
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THAT'S WHEN THE PTERODACTYLS
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TAKE TO THE SKY.
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GUESS WHO'S GETTING GROUNDED FOR
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ARSON.
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>> MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE!
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>> OH, MY GOD, HELL NO!
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WHAT THE [BLEEP]!
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MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE.
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OH, MY GOD!
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>> Tosh: LET'S HOPE THE SECOND
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RESPONDERS ARE MEN.
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>> OH, HELL [BLEEP]ING NO.
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>> Tosh: WE NARROWED DOWN THE
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SUSPECTS TO ANYONE WHO EVER
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HEARD YOU TALK.
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>> GET IT OUT
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>> Tosh: I'M SURE THE CAT WAS
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SMART ENOUGH TO LEAVE THE
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BURNING HOUSE.
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TOO BAD SHE'S NOT HOLDING SOME
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MAGICAL DEVICE THAT CAN SUMMON
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HIGHLY-TRAINED PROFESSIONALS TO
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STOP THE FIRE FROM SPREADING.
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COMING UP ON THE WHEELS OF STEEL
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IT'S D.J. CRANKY PANTS.
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>> [BLEEP].
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>> Tosh: YEAH, SLUT, YOU COULD
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HAVE HIT CUE AND RUINED THE
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WHOLE EVENING.
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THAT SHOULD HAPPEN EVERY TIME
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PARIS HILTON STEPS UP TO A D.J.
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BOOTH.
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[***]
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>> Tosh: IT'S KIND OF LIKE A
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DEDICATION.
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I CAN'T WAIT HOW ACCURATELY
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SHE'LL DESCRIBE THE
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CONFRONTATION ON HER BLOG.
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NOT ALL HORSES HAVE THE WILD
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[BLEEP] BEATEN OUT OF THEM.
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>> Tosh: GOOD TIME TO MENTION
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THE QUEER-BASHERS AT CHICK-FIL-A
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ONLY SERVE HORSE MEAT.
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NOW PUT 20 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK
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AND SEE HOW MANY COMMENTS WE CAN
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MAKE.
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HE USED APPLE-SCENTED BODY WASH
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AND THEN BECAME THE DUMBEST
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SUPERHERO EVER, HORSE SPIDERMAN.
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THERE'S NOT A PRETT YEAR PLACE
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ON EARTH TO PET MILEY CYRUS.
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THEY'RE NOT ALL AS EAGER TO
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[BLEEP] YOU AS MR. HAND.
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WHAT'S NEXT?
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[LAUGHTER]
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>> Tosh: WELL, IT'S OFFICIAL,
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WOMEN CAN'T DRIVE ANYTHING.
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LET'S WATCH HER VOID THE
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RASCAL'S WARRANT THIS WEEK'S
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AMERICANS WITH DISABILITIES ACT
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TO BREAKDOWN.
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ESCALATORS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE
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FOR US NORMAL HAS IT LIKE TO
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P
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PRETEND OUR LEGS DON'T WORK AND
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THIS CAN GET DICEY.
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YOU LET ONE PERSON WITHOUT LEGS
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COMPETE IN LONDON AND LOOKS WHAT
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HAPPENED.
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THE DOCTOR SAID SHE'D NEVER WALK
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AGAIN AND NOW SHE'S DOING
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BACKFLIPS.
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A TRUE INSPIRATION.
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THIS VIDEO CAN GO ON FOREVER.
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SHE'S ACCIDENT PRONE.
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GO TO THE TOP AND MAKE SURE NO
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ONE SHUTS IT DOWN WHEN YOUR
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HALFWAY UP.
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LIKE MITCH SAID AN ESCALATOR CAN
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NEVER BREAK IT CAN ONLY BECOME
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STAIRS.
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SHE'S BEEN ABLE THE WHOLE TIME?
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TOW THAT LINE YOU [BLEEP] CAR.
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THE ONLY THING SHE'S REALLY
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SUFFERING FROM IS CRIPPLING
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LAZINESS BUT HER CAN'T-DO
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ATTITUDE IS WHAT MAKES THIS
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COUNTRY SO MEDIOCRE.
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FOR THAT WE THANK YOU.
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WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH BARF
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BUT FIRST THIS GUY'S REALLY BAD
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AT SKIPPING STONES.
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>> STRIPED BANANA.
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SUPPOSEDLY IT'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE
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YOU PUKE.
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[LAUGHTER]
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>> OH, MY GOD.
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>> Tosh: JUST IMAGINE HOW MUCH
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THEY'D BE PUKING IF THEY DRANK
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THE SIERRA MIST [BLEEP].
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SOME SCIENTIST FOUND OUT IF YOU
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DRINK IT AND GO ON IT WILL MAKE
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YOU THROW UP.
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THE ONLY TIME YOU SHOULD MAKE
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YOURSELF VOMIT IS IF YOU'D
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SWALLOWED POISON OR NEED TO GO
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DOWN A DRESS SIZE.
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RALPHING IS A STAPLE OF THIS
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SHOW BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW
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BRILLIANT I AM I'LL NEVER BE
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FUNNIER THAN A GUY [BLEEP]ING
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THROUGH HIS TEETH.
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IF IT WERE UP TO ME THIS SHOW
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WOULD BE ABOUT FLIPPING
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MILLION-DOLLAR HOUSES BUT COMEDY
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CENTRAL PAYS ME TO KEEP YOU
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HAPPY
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I KNOW IT MEANS WE'LL PROBABLY
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NEVER WIN AN EMMY BUT I'M FINE
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WITH AN ORGANIZATION THAT
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CONSIDERS VEEP TO BE A SHOW AND
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I POUNDED BANANA AND SPRITE
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BEFORE I RODE A CARNIVAL RIDE.
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THIS IS WEEK'S REGURGITTION.
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>> DID VISIT THE BANANA AND
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SPRITE STAND?
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OKAY.
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HOW FAR ALONG ARE YOU?
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I DON'T CARE.
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LET'S GET YOU IN THERE.
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LET'S GET YOU IN THERE.
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THIS SHOULD BE GOOD.
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THIS SHOULD BE DELIGHTFUL.
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THIS RIDE DOESN'T STOP UNTIL
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EVERYONE POPS.
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THE FIRST ONE TO BLOW.
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YOU GET IT.
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EAT YOUR BANANAS WE'LL THROW UP.
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OH, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BANANA.
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NOW IT'S TIME TO OBEY YOUR
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THIRST.
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THIS IS ONLY LEVEL ONE.
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LET'S KICK IT UP TO THE ADULT
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SETTING.
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FREE REFILL?
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WE HAVE A PUKER EVERYONE.
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WE HAVE A PUKER.
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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>> THAT'S NOBODY WAITING.
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WHAT DO YOU SAY, ONE MORE TIME?
222
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[CHEERING]
223
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[LAUGHTER]
224
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>> OKAY.
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THERE WE GO, MY FRIEND.
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GOOD JOB.
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GOOD JOB.
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LET ME GET YOUR SAFETIES.
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THERE YOU GO.
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I THOUGHT YOU WERE TAKING A
231
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HEADER.
232
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THAT'S FINE.
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[APPLAUSE]
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00:11:37,567 --> 00:11:40,067
>> Tosh: THAT WAS SO FUN BUT
235
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REMEMBER YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY
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NOT FILM YOURSELF DOING THE
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SPRITE BANANA CHALLENGE AT
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AMUSEMENT PARKS THIS SUMMER.
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THAT WOULD BE TOTALLY
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IRRESPONSIBLE.
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WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK BUT FIRST
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IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER
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INSTALLMENT OF THE DEADLIEST
244
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DOCK.
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>> OH, JESUS CHRIST!
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IT'S ALL MINE, IT'S ALL MINE.
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>> IT'S A SHARK!
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A SHARK!
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IT'S A BIG ASS SHARK!
250
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>> I HAVE A CAMERA.
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>> Tosh: IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
252
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PLUS HE JUST QUALIFIED FOR THE
253
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PARALYMPIC.
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00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:02,770
EVERY FOUR YEARS WE SPEND TWO
255
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WEEKS WATCHING ATHLETE COMPETE
256
00:13:04,733 --> 00:13:08,833
FOR A CHANCE TO BE OWN A BOX OF
257
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DISGUSTING CEREAL'S NO ONE'S
258
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BO
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BOUGHT SINCE THE 50s.
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00:13:15,967 --> 00:13:19,327
WHO WANTS TO GO TO LONDON?
261
00:13:19,333 --> 00:13:21,973
IT'S LIKE BOSTON WITH A BIG
262
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,527
CLOCK.
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00:13:23,533 --> 00:13:26,833
OLYMPICS HAVEN'T BEEN FUN SINCE
264
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'92 SINCE THE DREAM TEAM.
265
00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:35,070
BARCELONA STARTED CRANKING OUT
266
00:13:35,067 --> 00:13:39,297
BEAUTIFUL MIXED-RACED BALLERS.
267
00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:41,170
GREEKS ONLY CREATED THE OLYMPICS
268
00:13:41,167 --> 00:13:43,067
BECAUSE THEY NEEDED SOMETHING TO
269
00:13:43,067 --> 00:13:47,497
WATCH WHILE THEY EIGHT.
270
00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:52,100
THAT'S THE 2012 TOSH.OLYMPICS
271
00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:52,530
GAMES.
272
00:13:52,533 --> 00:13:56,073
>> HE LOADS INTO THE BLOCKS IN
273
00:13:56,067 --> 00:14:19,867
THE HISTORIC TOSH.OLYMPIAD
274
00:14:19,867 --> 00:14:20,297
GAMES.
275
00:14:24,633 --> 00:14:27,073
>> JUDO?
276
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,497
IT'S AS IF HE'S BEEN TRAINING
277
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:29,400
ALL MORNING.
278
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,070
THIS WILL MAKE THE REMATCH
279
00:14:31,067 --> 00:14:31,727
TRICKY.
280
00:14:31,733 --> 00:14:35,773
TIME TO THROW STUFF.
281
00:14:35,767 --> 00:14:38,067
HE CHUCKS THE METAL FRISBEE AND
282
00:14:38,067 --> 00:14:39,067
THE SOFTBALL.
283
00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:41,127
TOSH RACES THROUGH THE FIELD
284
00:14:41,133 --> 00:14:43,903
LIKE A BARREL-CHESTED [BLEEP].
285
00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:46,070
OH, HITS HIS HEAD ON THE
286
00:14:46,067 --> 00:14:46,667
RELEASE.
287
00:14:46,667 --> 00:14:48,667
CAN WE SEE A REPLAY?
288
00:14:48,667 --> 00:14:49,067
NO?
289
00:14:49,067 --> 00:14:55,697
OKAY.
290
00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:58,500
FOREHAND FOLLOWED BY A
291
00:14:58,500 --> 00:14:59,570
TWO-HANDED BACKHAND INTO
292
00:14:59,567 --> 00:15:00,897
WHATEVER THE HELL THAT IS.
293
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,200
THE JUDGES AREN'T GOING TO LIKE
294
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:05,770
THAT.
295
00:15:05,767 --> 00:15:08,667
HE CLEANS IT, HE JERKS IT AND
296
00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:12,067
EVEN HAS TIME TO GET A QUICK NAP
297
00:15:12,067 --> 00:15:12,497
IN.
298
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:15,370
THIS IS WHERE TOSH TRULY EXCELS
299
00:15:15,367 --> 00:15:16,627
HANDLING BALLS.
300
00:15:16,633 --> 00:15:18,073
SPIKES THE VOLLEYBALL INTO THE
301
00:15:18,067 --> 00:15:18,597
CAMERA.
302
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:23,330
A HEADER FOR A GOOOAAAL!
303
00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:26,633
LOOK OUT DREAM TEAM BECAUSE
304
00:15:26,633 --> 00:15:28,573
LADANIEL JUST BROUGHT THE HOUSE
305
00:15:28,567 --> 00:15:30,467
DOWN AND SHOTS UP FOR GYMNASTICS
306
00:15:30,467 --> 00:15:32,797
AND HE POWDERED HIS NOSE FOR
307
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:33,730
EXTRA ENERGY.
308
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:35,303
TAKE THAT G SERIES.
309
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:41,200
JUST DELIGHTFUL.
310
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,270
SUCK IT CHINA.
311
00:15:42,267 --> 00:15:44,067
MUST BE NICE TO HUG A MAN AND
312
00:15:44,067 --> 00:15:46,067
NOT A 12-YEAR-OLD GIRL THAT WILL
313
00:15:46,067 --> 00:15:49,327
NEVER HAVE A PERIOD.
314
00:15:49,333 --> 00:15:51,073
THAT COUNTS AS EQUESTRIAN?
315
00:15:51,067 --> 00:15:52,797
SEEMS LIKE A STRETCH.
316
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,500
REMEMBER, NOBODY NEEDS AN
317
00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:56,270
ASSAULT RIFLE FOR ANY REASON.
318
00:15:56,267 --> 00:15:58,627
HE'LL PROBABLY GET A LOW SCORE
319
00:15:58,633 --> 00:16:00,503
BECAUSE OF THAT BUT IT DOESN'T
320
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:04,930
SEEM TO BOTHER HIM AS HE SWIMS
321
00:16:04,933 --> 00:16:08,433
INTO THE END OF THE POOL AND
322
00:16:08,433 --> 00:16:10,273
INTO ROWING.
323
00:16:10,267 --> 00:16:11,067
HERE IT IS.
324
00:16:11,067 --> 00:16:12,797
THE FINAL LEG OF THE DECATHLON.
325
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,530
HE DOES IT THE JUDGES ARE
326
00:16:14,533 --> 00:16:16,773
FACTORING IN TIME, DISTANCE AND
327
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:19,067
DEGREE OF DIFFICULTY.
328
00:16:19,067 --> 00:16:21,927
DANIEL TOSH JUST MADE DANIEL
329
00:16:21,933 --> 00:16:26,373
PHELPS LOOK LIKE A LAZY BITCH.
330
00:16:26,367 --> 00:16:28,427
>> Tosh: I COMPLETED IN RECORD
331
00:16:28,433 --> 00:16:32,473
TIME NOW CAN WE START FOOTBALL
332
00:16:32,467 --> 00:16:33,097
SEASON?
333
00:16:33,100 --> 00:16:34,100
THAT'S ALL AMERICANS CARE ABOUT.
334
00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:36,770
I DON'T KNOW WHY PEOPLE ARE SO
335
00:16:36,767 --> 00:16:38,527
UPSET ABOUT DOPING.
336
00:16:38,533 --> 00:16:40,533
IT MAKES SPORTS SO MUCH EASIER.
337
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:43,803
THIS VIDEO COME TO US FROM
338
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:44,730
TALKIE PITCHERS.
339
00:16:44,733 --> 00:16:46,703
>> IF I WAS HOMELESS I'D MOVE TO
340
00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:47,370
FLORIDA.
341
00:16:47,367 --> 00:16:50,397
>> YEAH, FLORIDA.
342
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:51,700
>> Tosh: HOMELESS GUYS ARE
343
00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:52,430
MOCKING US.
344
00:16:52,433 --> 00:16:54,103
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE
345
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:56,730
FIRST COMEDY CENTRAL SHOW I EVER
346
00:16:56,733 --> 00:16:58,103
APPEARED ON, PREMIUM BLEND.
347
00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:13,770
CHAMPIONS
348
00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:14,867
>> Tosh: WELCOME BACK TO THE
349
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,327
CLOSING CEREMONIES THIS IS THE
350
00:17:16,333 --> 00:17:17,973
LAST EPISODE OF SUMMER AND IT
351
00:17:17,967 --> 00:17:19,467
COULDN'T COME SOON ENOUGH.
352
00:17:19,467 --> 00:17:21,267
I'M SO BURNED OUT ON YOU GUYS I
353
00:17:21,267 --> 00:17:22,927
ALMOST DON'T WANT TO DO THE
354
00:17:22,933 --> 00:17:23,433
PLUGS.
355
00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:24,373
I SAID ALMOST.
356
00:17:24,367 --> 00:17:26,427
GO TO TWITTER TO GET TO KNOW THE
357
00:17:26,433 --> 00:17:29,503
REAL DANIEL AND KEEP UP WITH THE
358
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:31,630
BLOG AT TOSH DOT COMEDY CENTRAL
359
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:32,303
DOT COM.
360
00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:34,130
BUY THINGS FROM OUR STORE AND
361
00:17:34,133 --> 00:17:39,073
COME SEE ME DO STAND-UP IN A
362
00:17:39,067 --> 00:17:40,197
WEALTHY BEACH COMMUNITY LIKE
363
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:42,300
SAN
364
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:44,530
SANTA B
365
00:17:44,533 --> 00:17:48,703
SANTA BARBARA AND THIS IS THE
366
00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:54,670
LAST BRICKLEBERRY PROMO FOR THE
367
00:17:54,667 --> 00:17:55,197
SUMMER.
368
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:59,870
WANT TO HEAR THE THEME SONG?
369
00:17:59,867 --> 00:18:02,467
[ ALL "SURE" ]
370
00:18:02,467 --> 00:18:03,727
[***]
371
00:18:03,733 --> 00:18:06,403
>> Tosh: CATCHY, HUH?
372
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,130
UNLESS NOBODY WATCHES IT I
373
00:18:09,133 --> 00:18:10,903
PREDICT BRICKLEBERRY WILL BE A
374
00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:12,670
SUCCESS AND AS YOU KNOW WHEN I
375
00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:15,497
PUT A MOUTH ON SOMETHING IT
376
00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:17,500
COMES TRUE AND HERE'S MORE
377
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:18,870
THINGS THAT WILL HAPPEN WHILE
378
00:18:18,867 --> 00:18:20,367
AWAY ON VACATION.
379
00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:23,467
AUGUST 9, IN ADELE SEX TAPE WILL
380
00:18:23,467 --> 00:18:25,797
LEAK ONLINE TO OVERWHELMINGLY
381
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:28,130
POSITIVE REVIEWS.
382
00:18:28,133 --> 00:18:30,403
AUGUST 22, TOBEY MAGUIRE WILL
383
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,100
FIND A MYSTERIOUS LUMP ON HIS
384
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:35,200
BODY AND BE TOO AFRAID TO GET IT
385
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,600
CHECKED OUT REMEMBER, THE WORLD
386
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:39,230
IS PREDESTINED SO DON'T BLAME
387
00:18:39,233 --> 00:18:39,703
ME.
388
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:40,500
IT'S GOD'S FAULT.
389
00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:42,900
I JUST HAVE A GIFT.
390
00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:44,970
ON AUGUST 29th, DURING THE
391
00:18:44,967 --> 00:18:46,697
REMEMBER NATIONAL CONVENTION A
392
00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:47,800
REPRESENTATIVE FROM NORTH
393
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:49,530
CAROLINA WHO DOESN'T REALIZE HIS
394
00:18:49,533 --> 00:18:52,573
MIC IS STILL ON WILL CALL OBAMA
395
00:18:52,567 --> 00:18:54,327
THE N WORD.
396
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:57,403
ON SEPTEMBER 2 THE PRICE OF A
397
00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,270
GALLON OF GAS WILL GO UP AS MUCH
398
00:19:00,267 --> 00:19:04,127
AS SIX CENTS IN A MAJOR MARKETS
399
00:19:04,133 --> 00:19:04,673
.
400
00:19:04,667 --> 00:19:07,767
DISREGARD IF YOU'RE NOT MAJOR
401
00:19:07,767 --> 00:19:08,397
MARKET.
402
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,630
ON SEPTEMBER 5 BRAD PITT WILL
403
00:19:10,633 --> 00:19:13,803
CHEAT ON ANGELINA JOLIE WITH
404
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,070
SOMEONE IN THE WARDROBE
405
00:19:15,067 --> 00:19:16,067
DEPARTMENT OF HIS MOVIE.
406
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:25,427
THAT'S PROBABLY HAPPENING NOW.
407
00:19:25,433 --> 00:19:27,903
SEPTEMBER 11, UNEVENTFUL,
408
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:28,900
BELIEVE IT FOR THE.
409
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:32,070
NOT A LOT HAPPENS THAT DAY.
410
00:19:32,067 --> 00:19:35,897
SEPTEMBER 13th, APPLE WILL SHOCK
411
00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:42,100
THE WORLD REVEALING THE APPLE 5
412
00:19:42,100 --> 00:19:43,500
WOULD BE SLOWER THAN PREVIOUS
413
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,500
MODELS AND NOT AS BRIGHT.
414
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,070
ON SEPTEMBER 17th YOU'LL BE TEN
415
00:19:47,067 --> 00:19:48,967
MINUTES LATE TO WORK.
416
00:19:48,967 --> 00:19:58,197
SEPTEMBER 20th TIM TEBOW WILL EM
417
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,000
IMPREGNATE LO LO JONES LIE A
418
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:05,330
DREW HUMMING SESH AND THEN BRUCE
419
00:20:05,333 --> 00:20:06,733
SPRINGSTEEN DIES IN A CARD
420
00:20:06,733 --> 00:20:10,203
ACCIDENT ON SEPTEMBER 25th THE
421
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,900
CHEESE CAKE FACTORY WILL TAKE
422
00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:16,000
THREE ITEMS OFF THEIR 50 ITEM
423
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:20,530
MENU AND NO ONE WILL GIVE A
424
00:20:20,533 --> 00:20:21,233
[BLEEP].
425
00:20:21,233 --> 00:20:22,873
FINALLY, I STRUGGLE WITH HOW TO
426
00:20:22,867 --> 00:20:24,497
SAY GOOD-BYE TO MY FRIENDS.
427
00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:26,000
I SAW A CLIP AND I KNEW THAT WAS
428
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:26,530
THE ONE.
429
00:20:26,533 --> 00:20:32,503
ENJOY.
430
00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:59,570
[LAUGHTER]
431
00:20:59,567 --> 00:21:03,167
SOMETHING TO A FEW WELL-PLACED
432
00:21:03,167 --> 00:21:05,427
BA
433
00:21:05,433 --> 00:21:07,733
BANDAGES WOULDN'T FIX AND I
434
00:21:07,733 --> 00:21:10,333
PROMISED MYSELF I WOULDN'T CRY.
435
00:21:10,333 --> 00:21:15,603
I WAS RIGHT.
27149
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