Original subtitles

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Tosh: AT LEAST THE POTHOLES

ARE GETTING FILLED.

THERE'S AN EXCLUSIVE LINE OF

PUMAS BY SLANDER McQUEEN.

PINKISH ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK.

MARK IT.

I INTRODUCE YOU TO NEW INTERNET

CHALLENGES AND YOU KNOW IT'S

OFFICIALLY SUMMER WHEN KIDS

START [BLEEP]ING IN THE STREETS.

S THIS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOUR

DIET CONSISTS OF FROZEN BURRITOS

AND ENERGY DRINKS.

THERE'S NO NEED TO WIPE.

THERE'S A SPRINKLER A BLOCK

AHEAD.

I WISH YOU COULD DROP ONE OF

THOSE ON PRINCESS PEACH IN MARIO

KART.

CALL MY A FRUIT BOOTER ALL YOU

WANT BUT THAT'S WHY I STICK TO

ROLLER SKATING RINKS.

>> MR. SEX ON WHEELS, IT'S DISCO

XANADU TO THE GRAPEVINE.

STRAIGHT LEG KICK ON THE

ICEBERG.

THAT'S HOT.

I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA BUNNY HOP

BUT IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S DOING THE

SUPER DROP.

ALL RIGHT, GROUP SKATE.

UH-OH, CLEAN UP ON TURN FOUR.

OH THE HUMANITY.

THE SMELL IS AWFUL BUT A NIGHT

ON SKATES IS ALWAYS FIRST RATE.

LADIES FIRST.

IT'S GETTING SLICK OUT THERE.

MY OH, MY.

YOU GOT E. COLI.

>> Tosh: FOR THOSE KEEP SCORE AT

HOME THAT'S THE SECOND LARGEST

ROLLER SKATING PARTY OUR BLOGGER

CARLY HAS HOSTED THIS SUMMER.

FOR FIVE YEARS IT'S ALL YOU

COULD FIND ON ESPN DEUCE.

>> PUNCH, PUNCH, SKATE.

THAT'S IT.

>> Tosh: LOOK AT HIS ADONIS LIKE

PHYSIQUE.

HOUSE SLIPPERS ARE THE OFFICIAL

SICK KICK FOR [BLEEP]ING UP A

PILLOW FORT.

SAME GUY WHO TRAINED SCARLETT

JOE HANSEN IN THE A-AVENGERS.

>> WHEN YOU'RE GOING FISHING THE

BEST BAIT IS A GIRL IN A BIKINI.

>> YOU'RE SO GOOD AT THIS.

OH, MY GOD!

OH!

[LAUGHTER]

>> Tosh: THAT'S VERY CLOSE TO

HER TACKLE BOX.

AT LEAST SHE'S GOT EXCUSE FOR

THAT SMELL NOW.

>> CAN YOU HELP US, PLEASE?

>> Tosh: A GUY WEARING PUKA

SHELLS HAS NEVER MADE AN

SITUATION BETTER.

JUST PUT YOUR SARONG OVER IT AND

TRY NOT TO RUIN OUR VACATION,

TINA.

WHY THE HELL ARE THEIR CATFISH

AT THE BEACH ANY HOW.

THAT'S ARE FRESH WATER FISH.

WHAT'S THIS YEAR'S SPRING BREAK

HOT SPOT?

OH, A RIVER.

GOOD THING THE NEXT GUY'S

WEARING BOXING GLOVES.

>> THIS IS REALLY PADDED SO I'M

GOING TO HIT YOU PRETTY HARD.

OKAY.

>> OH, MY GOD.

>> LIFT YOUR ARM UP.

>> HOLD ON.

>> READY?

[LAUGHTER]

>> Tosh: THAT WINS AGAIN.

STILL UNDEFEATED.

SAME THING HAPPENS WHEN I USE

CONDOMS.

RIGHT WHEN I START I JUST THROW

IT OFF TO THE SIDE OF THE BED.

>> THAT HAD TO OF HURT SO BAD.

>> Tosh: ANOTHER GREAT

OBSERVATION BY A FEMALE SIDELINE

REPORTER.

KEEP SWINGING BUT I DON'T THINK

THE HORRIBLE TATTOO'S GOING

ANYWHERE.

MY FAVORITE SHOW IS CYPRESS

GARDEN IS THE BELOW POVERTY LINE

SKI SPECTACULAR.

CHFG

[CHEERIN

[CHEERING]

>> Tosh: ALL THE CHARITY FINALLY

FIXED THAT GOD AWFUL PLACE.

THEY'RE ALL PRAYING THE BOAT

BREAKS DOWN SO THEY CAN EAT IT.

MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T USE YOUR ONE

DRINKAL PUDDLE FOR WATER SPORTS.

WHAT'S NEXT?

>> Tosh: JUST GIVE HIM ALL YOUR

PUMPERNICKEL.

NOW LET'S PLAY DORK, DORK,

GOOSE.

WHEN YOU PLAY AT A FACTORY

PROTESTS ARE BOUND TO HAPPEN.

SWING AND A MISS.

THAT'S HOW BRADLEY BEAT

PACQUIAO.

THE ONLY GOOSE ANYONE LIKES IS

RYAN GOOSELING DESPITE HIS

FREAKISH

FREAKISHLY MISSHAPEN HEAD.

YOU SLEEP ON PILLOWS FILLED WITH

HIS DEAD WIFE HAD YOU TO SEE IT

COMING.

IF GOOSE FROM HALF HIS NASTY

MAYBE HE WOULDN'T HAVE DIED LIKE

SUCH A COWARD.

THESE THINGS ARE MEAN.

NO WONDER WE SWITCH TO TURKEY

FOR CHRISTMAS.

I'M JUST GLAD WHAT'S GOOD FOR

THE GOOSE IS GOOD FOR MY

RATINGS.

FOR THAT WE THANK YOU.

WE'RE BACK WITH SOME MAD MUTHA

[BLEEP]ING CLOWN LOVE.

FIRST, THIS ISN'T THE WORSE

THING A COACH CAN DO TO A LITTLE

BOY.

>> ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE BEAT.

[***]

>> A JUGGALOS CAN TAKE ANYBODY

IN THE THIRD DEGREE SPEAKY

CLOWNS NEVER GO DOWN EVEN IN

YOUR TOWN.

WE WON'T BE SLEEPING ONLY

CREEPING AND I'M NOT STEPPING

I'M OWN RAPPING.

STRUGGLERS ARE THE BEST.

DON'T [BLEEP] WITH ME.

I'LL [BLEEP] YOU UP.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Tosh: YOU BETTER PLUG IN THAT

SMOKE DETECTER BECAUSE HE JUST

SET THAT CASIO TRACK ON FIRE.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHY KANYE AND

HOVA HAVE TO WATCH THE THRONE.

THAT'S ANTHONY AND HE'S KNOWN IN

THE BIZ AS A JUGGALO WHICH MEANS

HE LOVE TO ICP.

I DON'T LIKE SAYING INSANE CLOWN

POSSE BUT IT SOUNDS BETTER THAN

WHITE TRASH ANONYMOUS.

THEY RAP ABOUT MURDER AND

VIOLENCE AND CAN BEAT RADIO HEAD

TO DEATH.

KISS DID IT THE IN 80s AROUND

RIHANNA DOES IT NOW TO HIDE HER

BRUISES.

ICP FANS ARE A BUNCH OF POORLY

EDUCATED CRACKERS LIKE THE

PEOPLE WHO WATCH THIS SHOW.

I'M GUILTY OF IT.

HERE'S ME IN MY CLASSIC FLORIDA

WHITE TRASH PHASE.

YOU KNOW I'M WEARING A WIFE

BEATER.

IF I WROTE A LETTER TO MY OLD

SELF IS DEAR DANIEL, YOU WERE

S

AWESOME.

ANTHONY WANTS TO JOIN A GROUP

WHERE IT'S ACCEPTABLE TO THROW

BOTTLES OF PISS AND

SCIENTOLOGISTS ARE THE MOST

INSANE IN THIS WEEK'S WEB

REDEMPTION.

[***]

>> Tosh: WHICH ONE OF YOU CLOWNS

WAS ANTHONY?

>> HERE.

>> Tosh: HEY, BUDDY.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

>> NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.

>> GET IN.

LET'S GET OUT OUT OF THIS CLOWN

MAKEUP.

>> YOU CLEAN UP WELL.

WE DID OUR BEST TO MAKE YOU FEEL

AT HOME HERE.

KIND OF SICK.

ANTHONY, FIRST THING'S FIRST.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

>> 14.

>> Tosh: ARE YOU BIGGER MAN MOST

PEOPLE 14 YEARS OLD.

>> YEAH.

>> Tosh: MOST ARE TINY AND ALSO

A GIRL.

WE ALL GO THROUGH PHASES.

EVER DRESS IN WOMEN'S CLOTHING?

>> NO.

>> Tosh: MAYBE NOT EVERYBODY

GOES THROUGH IT.

WHAT DOES ICP STAND FOR?

>> INSANE CLOWN POSSE.

THEY'RE ONE OF THE BEST.

>> Tosh: WHY DO YOU THINK YOUR

VIDEO'S BECOME SO POPULAR.

>> JUGGALOS AND OTHERS SUPPORT

ME.

>> Tosh: WHEN I SAW IT THE FIRST

THING THAT STRUCK WAS HOW YOUNG

YOU WERE AND YOU LOOKED LIKE A

TANK BUT HAVE A YOUNG PERSON'S

VOICE.

I THOUGHT LOOK AT THIS MONSTER

AND TALKS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL

LITTLE ANGEL.

DO YOU ENJOY RAPPING?

>> YES, DO I.

>> Tosh: DO YOU WRITE YOUR OWN

RAPS ARE DO YOU HAVE GHOST

WRITERS.

>> I WRITE THEM AND SOME I FREE

STYLE.

>> Tosh: HOW'S YOUR FLOW?

>> I'VE BEEN TRYING TO WORK ON

IT LATELY.

>> Tosh: YOU KNOW THE BEST THING

TO DO?

>> WHAT.

>> Tosh: I ASSUME WOULD BE TO DO

WELL IN SCHOOL JUST BECAUSE YOU

COULD MAYBE INCREASE YOUR

VOCABULARY AND RHYME MORE WORST

WITH HATCHET.

>> CATCH IT, LATCH IT.

>> Tosh: SEE, YOU ONLY HAVE TWO.

THAT'S GOING TO LIMIT YOU.

DO YOU EVER FIX THAT SMOKE

DETECTER IN YOUR ROOM?

>> NO.

>> Tosh: DO YOU HOW MANY KIDS

BURN TO DEATH BECAUSE OF A

FAULTY SMOKE DETECTER?

>> NO.

>> Tosh: NEITHER DO I.

I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY'RE 9 VOLT.

EVER TAKE YOUR TONGUE AND PUT IT

ON THE END OF THE 9 VOLT.

>> NO.

>> Tosh: PUT IT ON THE END OF

IT.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Tosh: LIKE KISSING A GIRL.

>> YOU MAYBE.

>> Tosh: FOR ME, YEAH.

WHAT'S IT TAKE TO BE A JUGGALO?

>> HAVE YOU TO HAVE GUTS AND DO

WHAT WE DO

>> Tosh: WHAT IS DO WHAT WE DO?

>> BE YOURSELF MOSTLY.

>> Tosh: YOU MEAN PAINT YOUR

FACE?

>> WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO.

>> Tosh: ARE THERE BLACK JAG

JUGGALOS?

>> ALL RACES.

>> Tosh: YOU'LL GET THE CLOWN

MAKEUP AND WAR PAINT ALL MIXED

UP.

IT WILL BE WEIRD.

>> I WAS THINKING OF GOING TO

THE JUGGALOS THIS YEAR.

>> Tosh: WHERE IS IT?

>> ILLINOIS.

>> Tosh: BOTH OF THEM?

YOUR VIDEO IS VERY ENTERTAINING

BUT IT LACKS A CERTAIN THING?

>> WHAT?

>> Tosh: WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO IS

GIVE YOU AN OPPORTUNITY TO

SPRUCE UP YOUR VIDEO A BIT.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> Tosh: WANT TO GIVE IT ANOTHER

SHOT?

>> YEAH.

>> TONIGHT'S REDEMPTION IS FROM

THE HIP-HOP VERSION OF THE

MIGHTY DEATH POP FROM WHAT YOU

PSYCHOPATHS CRAVE.

SIT YOUR FLOPPY TITS DOWN AND

ENJOY.

>> IT'S CALLED US JUGGALOS.

CHO

CHECK, HERE'S THE BEAT.

[***]

>> US JUGGALOS CAN'T TAKE

ANYBODY [BLEEP]ING.

I'LL BE BURNING IN THE THIRD

DEGREE.

CAN YOU CATCH IT?

TEST, TEST, TEST.

>> US JUGGALOS ARE THE BEST.

[BLEEP] THE REST.

WE'RE THE BEST.

I'M [BLEEP] YOU UP.

>> I JUST WANT CHAMPAGNE ONLY

GONNA TAKE ONE HIT.

>> YOU WANT TO GET BIT BY THE

DEVIL AND YES YOU'RE JUST A

PEBBLE.

>> US JUGGALOS ARE STRAIGHT RAPE

AND MURDER PROS.

WE'LL [BLEEP] AMERICA.

>> I'M STARTING TO GET DISSED.

THAT'S RIGHT.

IT'S NOT WITH US.

HE'S A LITTLE TOO INSANE AND I'M

NOT TALKING ABOUT A TOUR BUS.

>> I TAKE NO [BLEEP].

I'M HARDCORE --

>> HEY, HEY.

>> Tosh: THERE'S A FINE LINE

BETWEEN BEING INSANE AND LACKING

COMMON DECENCY.

>> BEING A JUGGALO COMES WITH A

CERTAIN LEVEL OF DECORUM.

THE NINJA'S A LITTLE TOO INSANE.

>> WHOA, DON'T EVEN THINK BEFORE

IT, MAN.

>> THAT'S WEIRD HOW THE THREAT

OF VIOLENCE MAKES YOU REGAIN

YOUR BALANCE.

>> YEAH.

WE'RE LIKE THE INSANE FROWN

POSSE.

>> ANTHONY?

>> Tosh: THE PIE STORE WAS

CLOSED.

.

I HAD TO PUT WHIP CREAM ON A

KEY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Tosh: I THINK THAT KID HAS

ANDY MILONAKIS DISEASE.

THANKS, VIOLENT J AND SHAGGY TWO

DOPE.

FIRST, YOUR BABY MAY BE COMING

FROM THE WRONG HOLE.

>> WHY'S IT HURT MY [BLEEP] SO

BAD.

>> NEXT DOOR'S WHERE THE KID'S

COMING OUT.

>> GET IT OUT THEN.

>> YOU GOT WHAT YOU GOT.

>> IT HURTS BAD!

MY ASS HURTS!

>> PUSH!

>> MY ASS HURTS SO BAD!

>> SO HERE WE ARE AT THE

CLOTHESPIN CHALLENGE.

>> ONE, TWO, THREE.

>> TAKE FIVE.

>> I DON'T KNOW WHERE ELSE ON MY

FACE I CAN GO.

>> 81.

WHOO!

>> Tosh: WHAT YOU GUYS DO ON

SATURDAY?

SOMETHING TELLS ME HE RAN OUT OF

CLOTHES PINS.

YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THE INTERNET

CHALLENGES ARE GETTING STALE.

THAT'S WHY I THOUGHT I'D GIVE

THE THEM A SHOT IN THE ARM BY

CREATING MY PONE

>> THIS IS THE UNLUCKY CHARMS

CHALLENGE.

YOU TAKE ALL THE MARSHMALLOWS

OUT OF LUCKY CHARMS AND EAT THE

HORRIBLE, DISGUSTING [BLEEP]

THAT'S LEFT.

I'M NOW DOING E-MAILS.

I'M RUNNING 30 MINUTES LATE.

SEND.

I'M ABOUT TO DO THE NEGATIVE

MINT CHALLENGE.

THAT'S WHERE YOU REFUSE ANY MINT

OFFERED TO YOU FOR ONE FULL DAY.

>> YOU WANT A MINT?

>> NO!

>> Tosh: I'M ABOUT TO DO THE

NO-MIX YOGURT CHALLENGE.

EAT FRUIT ON THE BOTTOM WITHOUT

MIXING IT.

SO TART.

I'M DOING THE KENNY G CHALLENGE.

SET YOUR CAR STEREO TO SMOOTH

JAZZ.

DON'T CHANGE IT UNTIL YOU'VE

DRIVEN 300 MILES.

TRIP SET.

I HATE IT!

I HATE IT!

THIS IS THE AQUAFRESH CHALLENGE.

YOU CAN ONLY USE THE RED PORTION

TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH.

AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE NO N

WORD CHALLENGE.

I GO A FULL 24 HOURS WITHOUT

SAYING ANY WORD THAT STARTS WITH

THE LETTER N.

HEY, CAN I HAVE A RAISE?

>> MAYBE.

>> WHAT FLAVOR DORITOS WOULD YOU

LIKE?

>> COOL RANCH, PLEASE.

>> WHAT'S UP?

[LAUGHTER]

>> Tosh: I WAS GONNA CALL HIM A

NINCOMPOOP YOU HATE AMONGERS.

IF YOU THINK YOU CAN COME WAY

BETTER CHALLENGE AND I'M SURE

YOU CANNOT.

SEND IT TO OUR BLOG.

THIS WEEK'S COME FROM UNCLE MOM.

>> I LOVE IT.

>> WE LOVE IT.

>> ALL RIGHT.

THERE'S ONE THING I NEED TO TELL

YOU.

IT SEEMS SOMEBODY WAS MURDERED

IN THIS HOUSE ABOUT SEVEN AND A

HALF YEARS AGO.

>> I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT IT.

I'LL BE BACK IN A FEW.

>> WHAT DO YOU THINK?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, IT'S WEIRD BUT I'M COOL

WITH IT.

>> HEY!

>> WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING

INSIDE MY HOUSE?

>> YOUR HOUSE?

>> STEVE WAS SHOWING US AROUND.

>> STEVE WHO?

>> STEVE REALTOR.

>> HE DIED INSIDE THIS HOUSE

SEVEN AND A HALF YEARS AGO.

>> WE'LL BE BACK IN A FEW.

OOH, OOH.

>> HI, I'M A GHOST.

>> HI, NICE TO MEET YOU.

>> I'M A GHOST.

>> I'M A GHOST.

>> Tosh: STEVE THE REALTOR.

HE LOOKS AWFULLY FAMILIAR.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF

ADAM COROLLA'S LEAST FAVORITE

>> Tosh: WELCOME BACK.

WHAT ARE YOU SNACKING ON AT

HOME?

IF YOUR ANSWER'S THE

WHATCHAMACALLIT.

THAT'S A SOLID CHOICE.

NEXT WEEK, THIS GUY GETS A

REDEMPTION.

>> YOU GOING TO COLLEGE?

YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?

[ YELLING ]

>>

>> GUESS HIS MOM DOESN'T CARE

ABOUT DEFENDING OUR FREEDOM.

KEEP YOU ARE WITH OUR BLOG AT

THE FOLLOWING URL.

TOSH.COMEDYCENTRAL.COM

HTTP COLON FORWARD SLASH FORWARD

SLASH WWW DOT TOSH DOT COMEDY

CENTRAL DOT COM FORWARD SLASH

TOSH

BLOG.

BY SOMETHING AT OUR STORE THE

FISHING IS FREE BUT WE'LL

[BLEEP] YOU IN THE ASS ON

HANDLING.

YOU KNOW HOW I'VE BEEN SLOWING

INTRODUCING YOU TO IN THE

CHARACTERS ON BRICKLEBERRY.

THIS IS BOBBY WHO IS VOICED BY

WACO O'GUIN.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO MEET HIM?

>> SURE.

>> Tosh: LET'S PLAY THE VIDEO.

>> WE'RE GOING GET NAKED AND

TOUCH OUR [BLEEP]S TOGETHER.

>> Tosh: YOU KNOW WHY THAT'S NOT

OFFENSIVE?

BECAUSE THEY'RE DRAWINGS.

FINALLY LAST WEEK I INTRODUCED

EVERYBODY TO THE NEW GAME I MADE

UP, SLAP, LICK FONDLE AND YOU

HAD A FIELD DAY WITH IT.

ENJOY.

>> SLAP, LICK, FONDLE, MUTHA

[BLEEP].

[LAUGHTER]

>> YOU LIKE THAT?

>> YOU DON'T PAINT YOUR BALLS

YOU FONDLE THEM, MAN.

>> Tosh: FOR ANYONE WHO NEEDS AN

EXCUSE HERE'S YOU GO.

GOOD NIGHT YOU PRINCES OF MAINE.

>> WHAT IS SHANGRI-LA.