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>> OH, [BLEEP]!
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>> OH, JESUS!
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OH, JESUS!
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OH JESUS CHRIST!
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NO, OH [BLEEP]!
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WHOA, WHOA! THAT WAS AWESOME.
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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>> Tosh: IT'S NICE TO SEE BLACK
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PEOPLE EMBRACING THE FOURTH
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THOUGH THEY WERE FORCED TO BE
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HERE.
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WELCOME TO "TOSH.0."
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TONIGHT SICK KICKS FOR THE
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LADIES.
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ARE THE REEBOK LIMITED EDITION
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COURT VICTORY PUMPS.
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NO NEED TO ADJUST YOUR TINT
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SETTING THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
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THIS YELLOW.
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TWEAK THE SHARPNESS A TAD.
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TONIGHT I WILD OUT WITH THIS
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INTERNEAT ICON AND HIRE PEOPLE
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FROM BELOW MINIMUM WAGE AND
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ENGAGE IN WORK PLACE HARASSMENT.
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LET'S SEE WHY THE SCARIEST
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CRACKER HAS A FIRECRACKER.
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>> OH [BLEEP]!
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>> Tosh: I'D WATCH FIREWORKS FOR
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THIS GUY ANY TIME PROVIDED IT'S
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IN A SAFER NEIGHBORHOOD.
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DOES SAFER MEAN WHITE?
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YES.
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>> THAT WAS AWESOME.
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WOW!
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OH, LORD, JESUS!
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>> Tosh: YOU KEEP SCREAMING FOR
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JESUS AND A BURNING BUSH
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APPEARS.
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COINCIDENCE?
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MR. COOPER, IT'S ME THE LORD.
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YOU HAVE THREE WISHES.
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ALL RIGHT.
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LOSER GETS HIS BALLS LOPPED OFF.
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>> Tosh: HE'S A MIX.
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HALF GERMAN SHEPHARD AND DRUNK
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GUY AT THE BAR.
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HE'S GROWLING BECAUSE HIS LEG
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DOESN'T MOVE LIKE THAT.
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I WISH THE MOVIE GRAY FINISHED
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LIKE THIS INCLUDING LIAM NEESON
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WITH MINI SCOTCH BOTTLES.
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SPOILER ALETTER.
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>> ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
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I DECLARE A FIVE SIX.
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>> FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT I USE
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THE HAND TO MASTURBATE.
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>> Tosh: YOU GET TO SHOVE THE
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CHAMP UP VICTORY CIRCLE.
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IT'S IMPORTANT FOR YOUNG GIRLS
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TO HAVE STRONG FEMININE ROLE
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MODELS.
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>> YOU'RE DAD IS A HUGE PUSSY.
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I THINK THE FUNNEL CAKE TRUCK
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MAYBE MORE HIS SPEED.
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HE'S PROBABLY JUST UNCOMFORTABLE
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BECAUSE HE HAS A GIANT THUMB FOR
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A HEAD.
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[ YELLING ]
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>> Tosh: HE IS REALLY GOING TO
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FREAK OUT WHEN GRACE ELIZABETH
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STARTS RIDING BOYS.
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WHAT HAS FOUR LEGS, TWO BOOBS
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AND CAN NEVER KICK?
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TWO LEZZING OUT.
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LET'S GO OUT ON A LIMB AND PUT
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20 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK AND SEE
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HOW MANY FUNNIES WE CAN MAKE.
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I WISH I COULD MAKE THIS SEXY
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BUT I AM STUMPED.
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WOMEN WILL DO ANYTHING TO SHED A
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FEW POUNDS.
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WHEN THEY RUB THEIR NUBS
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TOGETHER IT'S CALLED A PIRATE
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KISS.
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THEY'RE PROBABLY BESTIES FOR THE
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SHOE SAVINGS.
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THEY'RE HOT.
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THEY'RE 8s.
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ALL RIGHT, 7.5.
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I JUST GOT CUT OFF.
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WHAT'S NEXT?
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>> BOYS.
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>> Tosh: TRAINS ARE ALWAYS A BAD
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DECISION UNLESS YOU'RE
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COMMITTING SUICIDE OR PLAYING
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MONOPOLY.
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YOU COLLECT ALL FOUR YOU HAVE A
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CASH COW.
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LET'S GO TO THIS WEEK'S
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BREAKDOWN.
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ALL ABOARD!
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THIS IS CANADA WHERE EVEN WHITER
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PEOPLE DO EVEN DUMBER STUFF.
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WHEN HAVE YOU FREE HEALTH CARE
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AND A LOW DRINKING AGE YOU TEND
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TO TAKE MORE RISKS.
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>> YOU'LL [BLEEP] UNDER THE
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[BLEEP] TRAIN.
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>> Tosh: HOW DID HE GET
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UNDERNEATH IT IN THE FIRST
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PLACE?
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MY THEORY IS HE WAS BORN THERE.
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THE ONLY PLACE MORE DANGEROUS TO
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WAKE UP IS RODNEY KING'S POOL.
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I'D RATHER BE TRAPPED UNDER A
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TRAIN THAN LISTEN TO A SONG BY
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TRAIN.
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WHAT THE HELL IS A DROP OF
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JUPITER.
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>> HEY, IT'S IN YOUR WHEELS.
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>>
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>> Tosh: WAIT, WHAT?
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HERE'S A TIP.
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IN LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS
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DON'T TAKE ADVICE FROM ANYONE
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WHO SOUNDS LIKE SARAH PALIN.
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WAIT UNTIL THE TRAIN FINISHES
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PASSES OVER YOU UNLIKE THE ME
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BATMAN MOVIE, TRAINS DON'T GO ON
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FOREVER.
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>> Tosh: CONGRATS I THINK YOU
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SAVED YOUR SOCIAL STUDIES
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HOMEWORK.
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I THINK HE CAN'T.
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I THINK HE CAN'T.
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>> NO, NO, NO, NO NO!
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NO!
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HELP ME.
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>> Tosh: WOW, THE LITTLE IDIOT
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THAT COULD SURVIVED.
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I'M JUST GLAD THE SOURCE CODE
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MACHINE IS GOING TO KEEP PUTTING
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HIM UNDER THE TRAIN UNTIL HE
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FINDS THE BOMB AND FOR THAT WE
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THANK YOU.
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WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH RUBB
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BUBB PREVENTION BUT FIRST THIS
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BABY SUCKS AT BREAK DANCING.
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[***]
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
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>> NEARLY EVERY SHOP IN OAKLAND
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IS INSTALLING WHISTLER TIPS
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MAKING IT AUDIBLE FOR A MILE.
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>> TELL ME ABOUT THE WHISTLE.
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>> IT'S WHEN YOU WANT TO
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WHOO-WHOO.
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>> SOME NEIGHBORS ARE SAYING TOO
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LOUD.
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>> THAT'S ONLY IN THE MORNING.
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IF YOU'RE COOKING BREAKFAST IT'S
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LIKE AN ALARM CLOCK.
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WHOO-WHOO.
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>> Tosh: THE ONLY BIGGER WASTE
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OF MONEY IS RAIDERS' SEASON
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TICKETS.
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HE INVENTED VIRAL VIDEOS WITH
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TWO IMMORTAL WORDS BUT REALLY
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ONE BUT SAID TWICE.
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IT'S MORE OF A NOISE.
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WHOO-WHOO.
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TRICKING OUT YOUR CAR IS LIKE
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FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN'T AFFORD A
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HOUSE.
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YOUR VEHICLE IS AN INVESTMENT.
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WHAT'S BETTER THAN DRIVE OUT A
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TRICKED OUT CIVIC IS AN AUDI.
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NO MATTER HOW MANY GALLONS OF
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NOS YOU IS HAVE.
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STOP WITH A THE AFTER-MARKET
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SPOILER.
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ONLY THING YOU'RE SPOILING IS
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YOUR BLUE BOOK VALUE AND IF YOU
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DON'T HAVE A NAVIGATION SYSTEM
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GET OFF THE ROADS.
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I DON'T WANT TO BE BEHIND
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ANYTHING UNFOLDING A MAP LIKE
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LOUIS AND CLARK AND IF TIGRA AND
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BUNNY WERE THEY'D TELL YOU THEY
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LIKE THE CARS THAT GO BOOM AND
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THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE THING THE
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FISH.
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YOU CAN'T BLAME HIM FOR TRYING
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TO ANOINT WHITE PEOPLE WITH THE
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CAR AND THIS IS THE WEB
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REDEMPTION.
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>> HOW YOU DOING?
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>> I'M ALL RIGHT.
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>> I SEE YOU STILL HAVE YOUR
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WHISTLE TIP.
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>> Tosh: YOU DON'T MIND IF MY
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GREASE MONKEYS TRICK OUT YOUR
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JETTA WHILE WE TALK.
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TAKE SPECIAL CARE OF THIS ONE.
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DO YOU PREFER BUBB OR MR. RUBB.
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>> IT'S DEPENDING ON WHO'S THE
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RUBBING.
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>> BUBB-RUBB.
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>> HI A GROWTH ON ME AND I IT
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WAS LIKE A CHIA PET.
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IT GREW.
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>> Tosh: WERE YOU SURPRISED THE
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VIDEO CAME POPULAR.
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>> I WILL BE BACK.
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>> Tosh: JUST SO I CAN BE CLEAR
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FOR THE PEOPLE AT HOME THAT
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MIGHT NOT PICK UP ON THAT THEY
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WERE DOING A NEWS PIECE ON THE
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WHISTLE TIP?
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>> LIKE A COMPLAINT.
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>> Tosh: HOW'D YOU COME UP WITH
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WHOO WHOO?
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>> I WAS DEMONSTRATING AND GAVE
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THEM AN RUBB VERSION OF HOW IT
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WOULD SOUND IF THEY PUT MY PIPES
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ON SO IT CAME OUT WHOO-WHOO.
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SEE THE WHISTLE.
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>> Tosh: HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU
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THINK SINCE THE VIDEO YOU'VE
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SAID WHOO-WHOO.
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>> MORE THAN MY HITS ON YOUTUBE.
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>> Tosh: WERE YOU DRIVING ON THE
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PIECE BECAUSE YOU ALMOST
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SIDESWIPED THE CAR.
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>> THEY ASKED FOR AN EXAMPLE OF
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THE WHISTLE TIP.
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HOW ELSE CAN WE DO.
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>> Tosh: YOU ALMOST GOT INTO AN
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ACCIDENT.
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DO YOU ASK LADIES TO MAKE A
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WHOOP-WHOOP ON THEM.
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>> I HAVE THREE MOVES, THE
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FINISHER, PUNISHER AND POWER
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TAPPER.
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>> Tosh: POWER TAPPER?
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>> YOU PUT THEM MOVES ON HER AND
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SHE OUT.
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SHE GOING TO BE COOKING YOU
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BREAKFAST AND YOU DON'T EVEN
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HAVE TO USE THE WHOO-WHOO ALARM
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CLOCK EITHER.
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>>
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>> DID YOU TRY MAKING THE
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PYRAMID?
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>> GREAT CALL, BOSS.
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>> Tosh: THAT'S WHY I'M IN
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CHARGE.
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BUBB RUBB YOUR CAR'S FINISHED I
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HOPE YOU LIKE IT.
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>> AS LONGS YOU PUT THE TIP ON
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MY WHIP I KNOW IT WILL BE READY.
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MR. BUBB RUBB I DIDN'T BRING YOU
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OUT TO L.A. TO JUST SAY
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WHOO-WHOO.
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ARE YOU READY TO SEE THE MOST
265
00:10:46,033 --> 00:10:46,803
OBNOXIOUS CAR.
266
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:47,930
>> YEAH.
267
00:10:47,933 --> 00:10:52,073
>> Tosh: I WAS HOPING YOU'D SAY
268
00:10:52,067 --> 00:10:52,667
WHOOP-WHOOP.
269
00:10:52,667 --> 00:10:54,527
YOU GUYS ARE FIRED.
270
00:10:54,533 --> 00:10:56,473
THE MUNCHKIN DONUTS ARE FOR
271
00:10:56,467 --> 00:10:57,327
CUSTOMERS ONLY.
272
00:10:57,333 --> 00:10:58,303
GET OUT OF HERE.
273
00:10:58,300 --> 00:11:00,500
ALL RIGHT, BUBB.
274
00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:05,370
WE'RE MOVING THE BLINDFOLD.
275
00:11:05,367 --> 00:11:06,427
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
276
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:07,573
>> THIS IS NOT MY CAR.
277
00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:13,327
>> Tosh: NO, THIS IS YOUR CAR.
278
00:11:13,333 --> 00:11:15,233
I KNOW YOU'LL LOVE THIS.
279
00:11:15,233 --> 00:11:17,533
WE REPLACED YOUR WINDSHIELD
280
00:11:17,533 --> 00:11:22,233
WIPERS DISPENSERS WITH BOTTLES
281
00:11:22,233 --> 00:11:23,603
OF CHRISTAL.
282
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,470
YOU GET TO SPRAY CHAMPAGNE ON
283
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:30,867
THEI TITTIES WE HOOKED YOU UP
284
00:11:30,867 --> 00:11:33,067
WITH A FAKE BOOT.
285
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,467
THE 40 OUNCE CUP HOLDERS AND
286
00:11:34,467 --> 00:11:37,097
BECAUSE YOU NEVER MESS WAY BLACK
287
00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:40,370
MEN'S STEREO YOU'LL NEVER HAVE
288
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:45,197
TO LISTEN TO THE GOATIER SONG
289
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:45,500
AGAIN.
290
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:46,730
I EXPECT A PERSON LIKE YOURSELF
291
00:11:46,733 --> 00:11:49,903
GETS ASHY FROM TIMES TO TIME TO
292
00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:52,070
SQUEEZE THE STEERING WHEEL.
293
00:11:52,067 --> 00:11:55,867
WE HOOKED UP WITH COCO BUTTER.
294
00:11:55,867 --> 00:11:58,427
>> YOU NEVER ASKED ME BUT ALWAYS
295
00:11:58,433 --> 00:11:58,903
CLASSY.
296
00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:00,670
>> Tosh: DON'T WORRY ABOUT BEING
297
00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:02,597
LATE BECAUSE WE SET THE CLOCK.
298
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,100
LOOK IN THE BACK.
299
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:05,400
>> WOW.
300
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:10,130
>> Tosh: THE OVERHEADLIGHT IS A
301
00:12:10,133 --> 00:12:12,873
HYDROPONIC GROW LIGHT AND I GOT
302
00:12:12,867 --> 00:12:19,197
YOU YOUR OWN MEDICAL MARIJUANA
303
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:19,900
LICENSE.
304
00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:21,600
YOU CAN'T DRIVE VERY FAR BECAUSE
305
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,470
THE GAS TANK HAS BEEN MODIFIED
306
00:12:23,467 --> 00:12:25,067
AND ONLY HOLDS SEVEN DOLLARS
307
00:12:25,067 --> 00:12:25,927
WORTH OF GAS.
308
00:12:25,933 --> 00:12:27,603
WHEN YOU DRIVE A CAR LIKE THIS
309
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:28,930
YOU CAN EXPECT TO GET PULLED
310
00:12:28,933 --> 00:12:30,203
OVERA LOT AND IF YOU GET
311
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:31,930
ARRESTED YOU HAVE BOND STAR.
312
00:12:31,933 --> 00:12:36,633
IT CONNECTS YOU TO YOUR
313
00:12:36,633 --> 00:12:37,273
BAILBONDSMAN.
314
00:12:37,267 --> 00:12:39,067
>> WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO JAIL
315
00:12:39,067 --> 00:12:42,097
FOR THIS TIME?
316
00:12:42,100 --> 00:12:46,170
>> Tosh: HE SOUNDS RACIST AS
317
00:12:46,167 --> 00:12:46,667
[BLEEP].
318
00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:54,467
THIS IS A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF
319
00:12:54,467 --> 00:12:57,367
CHE
320
00:12:57,367 --> 00:12:57,927
CHEATOS.
321
00:12:57,933 --> 00:13:00,203
I WE SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST AND
322
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,070
HOOKED YOUR JETTA UP WITH AN
323
00:13:02,067 --> 00:13:05,067
ILLLEGAL TRAIN WHISTLE.
324
00:13:05,067 --> 00:13:10,797
PULL THE CORD.
325
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,670
WHOO-WHOO, HOO-HOO.
326
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:13,897
GOOD LORD HAS IT ILLLEGALLY
327
00:13:13,900 --> 00:13:23,570
LOUD.
328
00:13:23,567 --> 00:13:28,497
YOUR CAR'S BEEN OFFICIALLY
329
00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:29,070
PIMPED.
330
00:13:29,067 --> 00:13:36,727
>> I'VE BEEN WHOOP-FIDE.
331
00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:42,173
>> Tosh: SHOCKINGLY THE FOLKS AT
332
00:13:42,167 --> 00:13:45,167
AVIS REFUSED TO GIVE US OUR
333
00:13:45,167 --> 00:13:46,067
DEPOSIT BACK.
334
00:13:46,067 --> 00:13:47,597
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK BUT FIRST
335
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:51,170
OUR DICK OF THE WEEK.
336
00:13:51,167 --> 00:13:52,397
[LAUGHTER]
337
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:55,870
>> TO BREAK MY FOOT HERE'S THE
338
00:13:55,867 --> 00:13:56,467
BOYS.
339
00:13:56,467 --> 00:13:58,567
>> YOU'RE AN IDIOT, TYLER.
340
00:13:58,567 --> 00:13:59,167
[LAUGHTER]
341
00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:06,927
>> FOR THE AMAZING LOW PRICE OF
342
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:08,703
FIVE DOLLARS I'LL REVIEW YOUR
343
00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:10,130
WEBSITE AND GIVE YOU MY
344
00:14:10,133 --> 00:14:11,273
PROFESSIONAL DESIGN OPINION.
345
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,097
>> FOR FIVE DOLLARS I'LL SEND
346
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,070
YOU PHOTOS.
347
00:14:15,067 --> 00:14:17,167
>> IF YOU NEEDED TO TRANSLATE
348
00:14:17,167 --> 00:14:19,667
SOME DOCUMENTS GET BACK TO ME
349
00:14:19,667 --> 00:14:21,497
WITHOUT ANY HESITATION.
350
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:26,300
>> I WILL BE THE SECRET ADMIRER
351
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:27,530
IN CASE SOMEONE THEY NEVER
352
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:28,303
WANTED.
353
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:29,830
>> Tosh: I THINK WE FOUND THE
354
00:14:29,833 --> 00:14:32,273
NEW PRESIDENT OF MY FAN CLUB.
355
00:14:32,267 --> 00:14:34,597
THOSE WERE ALL FROM A WEBSITE
356
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,430
CALLED FIBER WHERE YOU CAN HIRE
357
00:14:36,433 --> 00:14:38,133
PEOPLE TO DO A MYRIAD OF STUPID
358
00:14:38,133 --> 00:14:39,973
THINGS FOR FIVE DOLLARS AND
359
00:14:39,967 --> 00:14:41,697
SINCE I'M ALL FOR CHEAP LABOR
360
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:49,430
AND SIMULATING THE ECONOMY I
361
00:14:49,433 --> 00:14:50,873
SPENT MY FIVE BUCKS.
362
00:14:50,867 --> 00:14:53,897
I ASKED SHOULD I SEE MAGIC MIKE
363
00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:55,470
IN THE THEATRES OR WAIT FOR
364
00:14:55,467 --> 00:14:56,067
CABLE.
365
00:14:56,067 --> 00:14:57,727
>> DANIEL, YOU'RE INTENT ON
366
00:14:57,733 --> 00:15:00,633
SEEING MAGIC MIKE BUT SHOULD YOU
367
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:03,403
GO TO THEATRES.
368
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:08,770
A MAN AS COMFORTABLE IN HIS OWN
369
00:15:08,767 --> 00:15:12,427
HETEROSEXUALITY SHOULDN'T HAVE A
370
00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:15,073
PROBLEM WITH SEEING A MOVIE
371
00:15:15,067 --> 00:15:17,067
ABOUT MALE STRIPPERS WITH AN
372
00:15:17,067 --> 00:15:17,727
AUDIENCE.
373
00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:21,573
>> Tosh: YOUR NIPPLES ARE
374
00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:22,097
UNEVEN.
375
00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:24,600
I GAVE HIM A RECIPE AND PUT FIVE
376
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,330
ON IT.
377
00:15:26,333 --> 00:15:28,303
>> HERE WE GO, RINSE AND DRY OUT
378
00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:30,070
SEVERAL TWO-LITER BOTTLES AND
379
00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:32,897
DRY THEM INTO A POWDER.
380
00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:34,830
HOLD THE STARTER FLUID UPSIDE
381
00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:36,603
DOWN AND POUR IT OUT OF THE CANS
382
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:39,270
TO THE TWO-LITER BOTTLES WITH
383
00:15:39,267 --> 00:15:43,767
THE AMMONIUM NITRATE MIXTURE AND
384
00:15:43,767 --> 00:15:46,697
PLACE THEM AROUND THE CONTAINER.
385
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:48,100
PLACE THE CAP ON SWIRL IT AROUND
386
00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:49,600
BUT DO NOT SHAKE IT.
387
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:52,770
AFTER TWO HOURS YOU'RE THROUGH
388
00:15:52,767 --> 00:15:53,327
COOKING.
389
00:15:53,333 --> 00:15:55,073
POUR THE REMAINING LIQUID
390
00:15:55,067 --> 00:15:58,897
THROUGH COFFEE FILTERS AND IT
391
00:15:58,900 --> 00:16:01,470
GETS SAVED, DRY THE CRYSTALS AND
392
00:16:01,467 --> 00:16:03,067
GET HIGH AS A BAT.
393
00:16:03,067 --> 00:16:05,367
>> Tosh: THAT WAS BOTH THRILLING
394
00:16:05,367 --> 00:16:06,467
AND INFORMATIVE.
395
00:16:06,467 --> 00:16:09,467
YOU GOT TO LOVE A CHICK WHO'S
396
00:16:09,467 --> 00:16:11,967
WILLING TO HULA HOOP IN A BIKINI
397
00:16:11,967 --> 00:16:16,497
FOR ONLY FIVE DOLLARS.
398
00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:18,430
>> [BLEEP] SHE IS SO DIZZY.
399
00:16:18,433 --> 00:16:20,203
>> Tosh: CAN YOU IMAGINE THE
400
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,800
GROSS [BLEEP] I CAN GET HER TO
401
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,470
DO FOR SIX BUCKS.
402
00:16:25,467 --> 00:16:27,297
CAN YOU IMAGINE YOU CAN HIRE A
403
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:28,870
CLOWN ON THE INTERNET FOR SIX
404
00:16:28,867 --> 00:16:29,297
BUCKS.
405
00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:34,730
>> HEY, KIDS, YOU SHOULDN'T
406
00:16:34,733 --> 00:16:35,703
WATCH "TOSH.0."
407
00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:37,630
HE USES GROWN UP WORDS AND
408
00:16:37,633 --> 00:16:39,173
THINGS THAT HURT PEOPLE'S
409
00:16:39,167 --> 00:16:39,767
FEELINGS.
410
00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:40,967
>> Tosh: DON'T LISTEN TO HER,
411
00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:41,497
KIDS.
412
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,530
ALL CLOWNS ARE SERIAL KILLERS.
413
00:16:43,533 --> 00:16:44,803
THAT'S THE BEST TWENTY BUCKS
414
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:46,600
THIS SHOW HAS SPENT BUT I STILL
415
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,630
WANT TO RECOUP MY LOSSES SO I
416
00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:52,433
POSTED TO DISPLAY YOUR TWITTER
417
00:16:52,433 --> 00:17:04,903
HANDLE ON THE AIR FOR $20.
418
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:09,900
DON'T FORGET TO UPLOAD A BLOG TO
419
00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:14,970
O
420
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,427
HAVE ME PUT IT ON BEFORE I SHARE
421
00:17:16,433 --> 00:17:19,403
IT I WANT YOU TO OPEN UP YOUR
422
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:20,300
HEARTS AND MINDS.
423
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:21,370
BECAUSE THIS -- I DON'T KNOW
424
00:17:21,367 --> 00:17:22,367
WHAT I'M SAYING.
425
00:17:22,367 --> 00:17:27,667
JUST WATCH IT.
426
00:17:27,667 --> 00:17:59,897
[ ENGINE REVING ]
427
00:17:59,900 --> 00:18:02,670
[LAUGHTER]
428
00:18:02,667 --> 00:18:05,767
>> Tosh: WHAT DID YOU LEARN?
429
00:18:05,767 --> 00:18:11,967
RIDING AROUND IN YOUR MUSCULAR
430
00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:21,227
BIKE IS A GREAT WAY TO SOLVE THE
431
00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:22,073
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
432
00:18:22,067 --> 00:18:25,367
>> Tosh: HEY, WELCOME BACK.
433
00:18:25,367 --> 00:18:29,567
SORRY I WAS PUMPING UP MY SICK
434
00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:30,067
KICKS.
435
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:34,667
THE RIGHT FOOT LIKES IT AT 45
436
00:18:34,667 --> 00:18:35,067
PSI.
437
00:18:35,067 --> 00:18:37,667
LIKES TO FEEL THE ROOT.
438
00:18:37,667 --> 00:18:39,297
THE OTHER FOOT'S ASLEEP.
439
00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:42,070
NEXT WEEK WE GET DOWN WITH THE
440
00:18:42,067 --> 00:18:42,497
CLOWN.
441
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:43,870
>> WE CAN TAKE ANYBODY SO
442
00:18:43,867 --> 00:18:46,897
[BLEEP] YOU.
443
00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:48,400
>> Tosh: HOPEFULLY HE'LL HAVE
444
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:49,630
CAUGHT UP WITH THE BEAT BY NEXT
445
00:18:49,633 --> 00:18:50,203
WEEK.
446
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:53,070
FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER SO WE CAN
447
00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:54,197
SELECTIVELY LIVE CHAT WITH SOME
448
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,730
OF YOU DURING THE SHOW AND KEEP
449
00:18:55,733 --> 00:18:59,873
UP WITH THE BLOG AT TOSH DOT
450
00:18:59,867 --> 00:19:02,567
COME AT COMEDY CENTRAL DOT COME
451
00:19:02,567 --> 00:19:03,627
AND THIS IS EXCITING.
452
00:19:03,633 --> 00:19:04,673
DID YOU KNOW I'LL BE PRODUCING
453
00:19:04,667 --> 00:19:10,067
MY OWN ANIMATED SHOW ON COMEDY
454
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:10,527
CENTRAL.
455
00:19:10,533 --> 00:19:13,733
IT'S CALLED BRICKLEBERRY AND
456
00:19:13,733 --> 00:19:17,973
WOODY IS VOICED BY SPONGE BOB
457
00:19:17,967 --> 00:19:19,167
SQUAREPANTS HIMSELF TOM KENNY.
458
00:19:19,167 --> 00:19:20,627
WATCH THE VIDEO.
459
00:19:20,633 --> 00:19:22,573
>> WHAT'S NEXT?
460
00:19:22,567 --> 00:19:24,827
FOREGIVING YOUR DAD FOR MAKING
461
00:19:24,833 --> 00:19:26,473
YOU WEAR PANTY BECAUSE HE MISSED
462
00:19:26,467 --> 00:19:27,497
HIS DEAD WIFE.
463
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,770
I'M NOT MOM, DAD.
464
00:19:29,767 --> 00:19:31,267
SHE'S GONE.
465
00:19:31,267 --> 00:19:35,497
>> Tosh: SQUIDWARD WOULD NOT
466
00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:36,930
APPROVE AND THE BIGGEST BLOG IS
467
00:19:36,933 --> 00:19:44,633
YOU NEVER REALLY GET TO [BLEEP]
468
00:19:44,633 --> 00:19:47,333
MARY OR KILL ANYONE.
469
00:19:47,333 --> 00:19:50,873
HERE'S A MUCH MORE SATISFYING
470
00:19:50,867 --> 00:19:53,067
GAME WITH MORE SEQUENCES.
471
00:19:53,067 --> 00:20:13,927
I GIVE YOU SLAP, LICK, FONDLE.
472
00:20:13,933 --> 00:20:16,073
>> ALL RIGHT, RACHEL, SLAP,
473
00:20:16,067 --> 00:20:18,767
LICK, FONDLE.
474
00:20:18,767 --> 00:20:31,167
>> I CAN GRAB YOU?
475
00:20:31,167 --> 00:20:32,297
>> ONE.
476
00:20:32,300 --> 00:20:32,670
GO.
477
00:20:32,667 --> 00:20:37,027
>> SLAP, LICK, FONDLE.
478
00:20:37,033 --> 00:20:39,573
A PRIEST, RABBI AND MY DOG.
479
00:20:39,567 --> 00:20:40,897
FORGIVE ME FATHER FOR I HAVE
480
00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:43,870
SINNED.
481
00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:45,597
>> Tosh: THE GREAT THING ABOUT
482
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:46,430
BEING THE BOSS IS THEY CAN FIRE
483
00:20:46,433 --> 00:20:48,073
THE HR DEPARTMENT BEFORE THEY
484
00:20:48,067 --> 00:20:49,727
CALL ME INTO THEIR OFFICE.
485
00:20:49,733 --> 00:20:51,103
THIS GAME OBVIOUSLY NEEDS TO
486
00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:51,830
CATCH ON.
487
00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:52,803
PLAY IT AT HOME.
488
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,300
AFTER GETTING THE WRITTEN
489
00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:56,800
CONSENT OF ALL INVOLVED PARTIES.
490
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,630
SEND ME YOUR VIDEOS AND IF DO
491
00:20:58,633 --> 00:21:00,533
YOU A GOOD JOB PERHAPS I'LL PUT
492
00:21:00,533 --> 00:21:01,833
THEM ON THE AIR.
493
00:21:01,833 --> 00:21:02,733
PERHAPS I WON'T.
494
00:21:02,733 --> 00:21:04,933
PERHAPS I WILL.
495
00:21:04,933 --> 00:21:06,333
GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS
496
00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:07,773
AMERICA!
497
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:10,367
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
31065
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