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>> VIDEOS FROM THE INTERNET AND
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INTENDED FOR A MATURE AUDIENCE.
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ENJOY.
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>> OH JESUS.
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>> GET UP.
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WOE.
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[APPLAUSE].
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[LAUGHTER].
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WHAT WILL THAT KONY GUY DO NEXT?
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WELCOME TO TOSH.0.
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IF YOU ENJOY THE SHOW SEND ME
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$5.
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MY SPRING COLORS ARE BROUGHT TO
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YOU BY E TRO.
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WE TALK TO A THIRD GRADE ER AND
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HER HUSBAND AND SEE HOW HARD
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CORE YOU CAN PAR CORE.
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WATCH THAT STAIR MAST ER AGAIN.
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THAT IS A GOOD GRAB, NOW MOP UP
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YOUR SPINAL FLUID.
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HE DID REACH THE FORYEAH IN
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RECORD TIME.
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DRUNK GAMES ARE WAY BETTER THAN
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"HUNGER GAMES."
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THAT JOKE IS FOR THE SEVEN GIRLS
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THAT WATCH THIS SHOW.
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WHO DOESN'T LIKE GOING TO A
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RAVE?
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* * *
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I GIVE BLACK PEOPLE THE SAME
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LOOK WHEN THEY WILL HAVE AT
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KEVIN HEART.
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HE IS PROBABLY AS HUNGRY.
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TO KIDS A SPY SENT TO STEAL MORE
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OF THE WHITE MAN'S SWEET DANCE
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MOVES.
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LET'S GIVE A STANDING OVATION TO
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THIS BOOTY CLAP.
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ALL RIGHT.
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BECKY IS GOING TO LOSE HER GOD
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DAM MIND.
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BUT BE CAREFUL, STARING IT AT
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FOR AN EXTENDING PERIOD OF TIME
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CAN CAUSE RAGING BONERS.
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* * *
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[LAUGHTER].
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IF YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS THE SAME
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BLACK KID, YOU ARE RACIST.
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I WOULD LIKE TO SEE BLAKE
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GRIFFIN TRY THIS.
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>> ALL RIGHT HOLD ON.
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WHICH ONE OF THOSE TINY JUMPS
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GIVES HIM ANYVED?
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NOT EVEN PROSILK CAN OVERCOME
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BEING WHITE.
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>> I CAN PROMISE YOU THAT IS
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BETTER THAN ANYTHING IN THE NEW
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THREE STOOJS MOVIE.
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I AM STARTING TO GATHER HORSES
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DON'T LIKE GETTING HIT.
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* * *
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TEXTBOOK SUPLEX ON JUAN VALDEZ.
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COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE, THE
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BRONCOS COULD HAVE TRADED HIM TO
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THE JETS.
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I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY CANCELLED
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LUCK.
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WE SHOW HUMANS DYING EVERY WEEK,
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YOU KNOW WHY WE DON'T GET
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CANCELLED?
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WE DON'T SHOW IT.
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THAT IS THE FORMULA.
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WHAT IS NEXT?
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ANY TIME SOMEONE BACK HANDS A
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BEER LIKE THAT THERE IS A GOOD
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CHANCE THEY ARE ABOUT TO SPEND
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THE NIGHT IN JAIL.
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LET'S FIND OUT IF HE IS A GOOD
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TIPPER IN WEEK'S BREAK DOWN.
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THIS IS THE A CASINO IN THE
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CZECH REPUBLIC.
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I DIDN'T KNOW THEY HAD CASINOS,
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I THOUGHT IT WAS WALL TO WALL
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ETHNIC CLEANSING.
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NEVER TRUST ANYONE THAT BUTTONS
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THEIR TOP BUTTON OR THE PRING
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GEL GUYS MUSTACHE ON TOP
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FOREHEAD.
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THAT IS THE MURDER GRIP.
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TO PULL OFF A HEIST IN VEGAS, TO
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ROB ONE OVER THERE YOU NEED A
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BIG BEER.
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PC IS SOAKED.
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POWER DOWN AND GET THAT THING IN
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A BAG OF UNCOOKED RICE, YOU ARE
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WELCOME.
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HIS HEAD GOT CHRISTENED.
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KIND OF IRONIC HE SOLD THE GUY
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HIS OWN ASSAULT WEAPON.
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TECHNICALLY THAT MAKES HIM AN
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ACCOMPLICE.
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MAYBE THIS IS UNDERCOVER BOSS
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CZECH REPUBLIC AND PISSED THEY
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ARE WATCHING VIDEOS ON THE
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COMPANY DIME.
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IT IS FRUSTRATING.
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CONGRATULATIONS YOU STOLE FIVE
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YEAR ROWS.
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BASICALLY YOU JUST HIT A GUY
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OVER THE HEAD FOR -- AND
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GIGGLES.
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FOR THAT WE THANK YOU.
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[APPLAUSE] WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
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WITH THE WEB WE REDEMPTION.
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FIRST HERE IS FAT PEOPLE DOING
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THINGS.
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>> I THINK HITTING THE CLIFF ON
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THE WAY DOWN, THAT IS ZACH.
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SPRING BREAK IS A TRADITION
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WHERE STUDENTS CHUG LIQUOR.
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IT IS LIKE A MORMON MISSION FOR
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PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T BEEN
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BRAINWASHED.
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COLLEGE STUDENTS NEED A BREAK
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FROM THEIR YEAR OF DRINKING AND
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PARTYING.
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YOU NEED A PAIR OF SHADES,
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RUBBERS AND NINE OTHERS TO SHARE
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-- THE MINUTE I PULL OUT MY
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DNB'S, I AM A REGISTERED SEX
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OFFENDER.
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IF YOU DON'T BUILD A GOOD BASE
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FOR SKIN CANCER, YOUR SPRING
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BREAK WAS LAME.
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A FATHER SHOULD NEVER PAY FOR
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HIS DAUGHTER'S SPRING BREAK.
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YOU CAN'T STOP YOUR DAUGHTER
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FROM BEING A WHORE.
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AVOID BEING THE LEAD STORY ON
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NANCY GRACE.
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NOW GET BACK TO YOUR DORM AND
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PRAY FOR YOUR PERIOD.
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ZACH WAS TRYING TO PARTY LIKE A
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ROCK STAR.
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THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.
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ZACH, NICE TO MEET YOU.
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>> NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.
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>> THANK YOU, NOT TO TOUCH ME.
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I AM WEIRD WITH HEIGHTS.
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>> ALL RIGHT.
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>> ALL RIGHT.
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TELL ME EVERYTHING THAT
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HAPPENED?
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>> MY FRIEND TOLD ME IT WAS
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CLIFF DIVING.
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DEVIL'S PUNCH BOWL.
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I SAID I HAVE TO JUMP OFF THAT
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LEDGE.
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>> SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO DO IT.
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>> HOW HIGH WERE YOU?
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>> 115 FEET.
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>> IT IS AWAY FROM THE WATER AND
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PEOPLE.
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>> WHEN YOU SAW YOURSELF ON THE
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EDGE WERE YOU SCARED?
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>> I WASN'T SCARED.
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I WENT TOO HIGH UP.
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>> WERE YOU TRYING TO GET BACK
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OFF?
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>> I WAS COMPLETELY OVER.
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I AM GOING TO JUMP FROM UP HERE.
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MY BODY FLIPPED FORWARD AND
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LANDED IN THE WATER.
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JUST LIKE THE MOVIES.
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>> PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN
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BETTER WITH AQUA SOX.
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>> HAD YOU BEEN DRINKING?
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>> TWO BEERS.
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>> WHAT HAPPENED?
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>> I HAD A COLLAPSED LUNG.
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>> THAT IS IT.
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DID IT KNOCK YOU UNCONSCIOUS?
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>> I SWAMP TO SHORE AFTER I HIT
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THE WATER>> WERE YOU AIR LIFTED?
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>> I AM RACKED UP IN HOSPITAL
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BILLS.
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$93,000.
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>> HAVE YOUR PARENTS SEEN IT?
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>> IT FREAKED MY MOM OUT WHEN I
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TOLD HER TO GO TO YOUTUBE.
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>> DID YOU TRY TO SUE THE
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MOUNTAIN?
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>> IT IS ON AN INDIAN
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RESERVATION.
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>> I DON'T THINK THEY HAVE
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COURTROOMS.
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>> DID YOU STILL PLOW HONEYS?
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>> THERE WERE GIRLS SCREAMING
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DON'T DO IT YOU IDIOT.
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DO YOU WISH YOU WOULD HAVE
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LISTENED TO THEM?
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>> I AM GLAD I JUMPED.
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GOT SOME INTERNET FAME.
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>> HAVE YOU JUMPED OFF A CLIFF
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SINCE?
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>> NO.
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I HAVEN'T.
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THAT IS GOOD TO HEAR.
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HOW ABOUT I TAKE YOU TO MUCH
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MORE CONTROLLED SAFER
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ENVIRONMENT?
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>> I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.
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>> THIS IS WHAT STEVE WIN MUST
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FEEL LIKE.
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YO, YO, YO WELCOME TO MTV SPRING
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BREAK.
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FROM PANAMA CITY BEACH.
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I AM YOUR HOST DANIEL CORTEZ.
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YOU CAN'T HAVE A POOL PARTY.
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WE HAVE JAY-Z AND BBEYONCE'S
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PUBLIC APPEARANCE.
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ONE SEXY BABY.
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HERE IS MY BOY.
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A GUY WHO SHOULD BE DEAD.
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ABOUT TO MAKE A PERSONAL BEST,
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116 FOOT DIVE OFF A OF PLATFORM.
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ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER
228
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SHOT?
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>> I AM READY.
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>> DJ.
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PLAY SOME MUSIC THAT WILL MAKE
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THIS GUY WANT TO JUMP.
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>> GOOD LUCK.
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>> OKAY.
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* * *
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>> DON'T DO IT!
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DON'T DO IT!
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>> THREE, TWO, ONE, JUMP!
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* * *
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THAT WAS UNFORTUNATE.
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HERE COMES THE DANCE FLOOR.
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YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
243
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* * *
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>> MTV NEEDS TO GO BACK TO
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SHOWING HOT TEENS BEFORE THEY
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WERE PREGNANT.
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WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
248
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FIRST HERE IS GOTCHA JOURNALISM.
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>> WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO BE MORE
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SUCCESSFUL?
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>> I WILL NOT BE MAKING ANYMORE
252
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COMMENTS.
253
00:14:00,133 --> 00:14:08,403
>> OH MY GOD THAT HURT.
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>> IF YOU ARE TRAVELING 80 MILES
255
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PER HOUR HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE
256
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YOU TO GO 80 MILES?
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WHAT DO YOU THINK, CHELS?
258
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>> I RUN A MILE IN 9 MINUTES.
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>> WHAT ABOUT THE TIRING TURNING
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THING?
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DO YOU THINK THAT EFFECTS IT.
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>> I AM GUESSING 400 TURNS IN A
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MILE.
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>> THAT IS GUESSING CALCULATION?
265
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:44,200
>> I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU WOULD
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WORK THAT OUT.
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IT HAS TO TAKE AT LEAST 15
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MINUTES OR SOMETHING.
269
00:14:48,333 --> 00:14:51,733
>> 15 MINUTES, PRETTY CLOSE.
270
00:14:51,733 --> 00:14:54,233
>> HOW DID YOU GET THAT?
271
00:14:54,233 --> 00:14:56,833
>> YOU CAN GUESSTIMATE IT.
272
00:14:56,833 --> 00:15:00,133
>> I AM NOT GUESSTIMATING.
273
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:03,533
I AM USING MATH AND SCIENCE.
274
00:15:03,533 --> 00:15:05,503
>> DON'T SIT THERE AND JUDGE
275
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:07,070
HER, SHE WAS SMART ENOUGH TO GET
276
00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:09,267
A MAN THAT KNEW THE ANSWER TO
277
00:15:09,267 --> 00:15:09,767
MARRY HER.
278
00:15:09,767 --> 00:15:12,197
AFTER WATCHING THIS VIDEO, I
279
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,300
HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS, PLEASE
280
00:15:15,300 --> 00:15:18,100
HELP ME WELCOME CHELSEA AND
281
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:18,430
TRAVIS.
282
00:15:18,433 --> 00:15:19,073
>> THANK YOU.
283
00:15:19,067 --> 00:15:20,597
>> GLAD TO BE HERE.
284
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,500
>> HOW HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?
285
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:27,330
>> WE HAVE DONEBETTER.
286
00:15:27,333 --> 00:15:30,203
>> ARE YOU MAD AT TRAVIS FOR
287
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:34,070
PUTTING THAT ON LINE?
288
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:37,297
>> HONESTLY, I WAS TICKED.
289
00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:38,530
I AM OKAY NOW.
290
00:15:38,533 --> 00:15:41,873
>> TRAVIS, DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR
291
00:15:41,867 --> 00:15:44,467
WIFE SMART?
292
00:15:44,467 --> 00:15:48,067
>> SHE FLUNKED OUT OF COLLEGE.
293
00:15:48,067 --> 00:15:50,067
>> I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO
294
00:15:50,067 --> 00:15:51,667
SAY MIDDLE SCHOOL.
295
00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:54,867
>> TRAVIS, DO YOU FANTASIZE
296
00:15:54,867 --> 00:15:56,167
ABOUT HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH
297
00:15:56,167 --> 00:15:57,497
OTHER WOMEN?
298
00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:59,200
>> ACTUALLY, HAVEN'T.
299
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,400
>> MAYBE YOU SHOULD MAKE A SEX
300
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:02,700
TAPE.
301
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:03,900
THAT WILL PEOPLE FORGET ABOUT
302
00:16:03,900 --> 00:16:07,730
THE OTHER TAPE.
303
00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:08,673
>> NO.
304
00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:10,327
>> I DON'T THINK SO.
305
00:16:10,333 --> 00:16:12,973
>> I AM SURE YOU ARE AN
306
00:16:12,967 --> 00:16:14,897
INTELLIGENT WOMAN, CHELSEA.
307
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:17,070
YOU KNOW WHAT MILES PER HOUR
308
00:16:17,067 --> 00:16:17,667
MEANS, RIGHT?
309
00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:20,697
I HAVE A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS.
310
00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:23,070
>> I DON'T WANT A LOT OF
311
00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:23,467
QUESTIONS.
312
00:16:23,467 --> 00:16:28,627
>> WHAT IS FASTER A CHEETAH
313
00:16:28,633 --> 00:16:30,673
GOING 70 MILES PER HOUR OR A
314
00:16:30,667 --> 00:16:31,227
CAR?
315
00:16:31,233 --> 00:16:33,173
>> I WOULD SAY BOTH.
316
00:16:33,167 --> 00:16:43,167
[LAUGHTER] I AM GOING TO HAVE
317
00:16:43,167 --> 00:16:47,167
YOU GIVE YOU PARTIAL CREDIT.
318
00:16:47,167 --> 00:16:49,227
>> IS THERE ANYTHING YOU KNOW
319
00:16:49,233 --> 00:16:50,503
MORE ABOUT THAN YOUR HUSBAND?
320
00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:52,400
>> KIDS.
321
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,800
>> SHE'LL COACH ME THROUGH
322
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:55,500
TALKING TO KIDS.
323
00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:56,730
SHE IS STRONG.
324
00:16:56,733 --> 00:16:59,473
I AM NOT SMART WITH AT ALL.
325
00:16:59,467 --> 00:17:00,867
>> SHOCKING SHE WOULD HAVE SO
326
00:17:00,867 --> 00:17:02,227
MUCH IN COMMON WITH FIVE YEAR
327
00:17:02,233 --> 00:17:02,533
OLDS.
328
00:17:02,533 --> 00:17:04,873
[LAUGHTER].
329
00:17:04,867 --> 00:17:06,897
WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE FOR THAT
330
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:07,600
VIDEO?
331
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,930
>> LET'S JUST SAY THAT WHOLE
332
00:17:09,933 --> 00:17:12,733
TIME WE HAD JUST FINISHED FINALS
333
00:17:12,733 --> 00:17:13,303
AT SCHOOL.
334
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:15,330
WE WERE BOTH SUPER TIRED.
335
00:17:15,333 --> 00:17:17,373
I WAS TO TIRED.
336
00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:19,067
WE WERE TRAVELING AND I DON'T
337
00:17:19,067 --> 00:17:20,827
LIKE CARS.
338
00:17:20,833 --> 00:17:24,433
>> THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE.
339
00:17:24,433 --> 00:17:25,073
[LAUGHTER].
340
00:17:25,067 --> 00:17:27,627
HAVE PEOPLE BEEN MAKING MEAN
341
00:17:27,633 --> 00:17:30,403
COMMENTS? >> I AM THE WORLD'S
342
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:33,070
WORST HUSBAND RIGHT NOW ON THE
343
00:17:33,067 --> 00:17:33,367
INTERNET.
344
00:17:33,367 --> 00:17:36,527
>> ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE.
345
00:17:36,533 --> 00:17:38,973
THINK ABOUT KOBE AND HIS WIFE.
346
00:17:38,967 --> 00:17:42,697
>> A FEW YEARS AGO HE RAPE ADD
347
00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:43,070
WOMAN.
348
00:17:43,067 --> 00:17:45,727
>> I KNOW ABOUT THAT.
349
00:17:45,733 --> 00:17:46,833
THAT WASN'T HIS WIFE.
350
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:49,673
OH I SEE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING>>
351
00:17:49,667 --> 00:17:51,627
ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO SAY?
352
00:17:51,633 --> 00:17:54,233
>> I WISH I WOULDN'T HAVE POSTED
353
00:17:54,233 --> 00:17:54,733
IT.
354
00:17:54,733 --> 00:17:56,073
I FEEL BAD.
355
00:17:56,067 --> 00:17:59,727
PUT HER THROUGH A LOT THE LAST
356
00:17:59,733 --> 00:18:00,803
FEW DAYS.
357
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,530
WE DEFINITELY WEREN'T LOOKING TO
358
00:18:02,533 --> 00:18:04,273
BE FAMOUS.
359
00:18:04,267 --> 00:18:05,867
>> IF WE CAN LEARN ANYTHING FROM
360
00:18:05,867 --> 00:18:09,067
THIS VIDEO, MAKE SURE YOU GIVE
361
00:18:09,067 --> 00:18:11,397
THE WOMEN YOU ARE DATING AN ORAL
362
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:15,400
EXAM BEFORE YOU PROPOSE.
363
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:16,500
BY GUYS.
364
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:20,530
THIS WEEK'S WINNER COMES FROM
365
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,333
SEAN WINES.
366
00:18:22,333 --> 00:18:24,603
>> I HAD A NICE TIME.
367
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,070
>> ME, TOO.
368
00:18:27,067 --> 00:18:29,467
>> CAN I BE HONEST?
369
00:18:29,467 --> 00:18:31,097
>> YES.
370
00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:38,170
>> YOU ARE DUMB, IF YOU -- I'LL
371
00:18:38,167 --> 00:18:44,167
GIVE YOU A NECKLACE AND DON'T
372
00:18:44,167 --> 00:18:44,467
TALK.
373
00:18:44,467 --> 00:18:46,697
I DON'T HAVE TO GO DOWN ON YOU.
374
00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:49,270
ONE LAST THING, YOU CAN NEVER --
375
00:18:49,267 --> 00:18:50,927
IN MY BATHROOM.
376
00:18:50,933 --> 00:18:54,973
>> IS THERE A MCDONALDS?
377
00:18:54,967 --> 00:19:00,067
>> DUNKUN DOUGHNUTS.
378
00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:03,367
>> CAN I BE HONEST WITH YOU, I
379
00:19:03,367 --> 00:19:05,467
DON'T THINK HER BREASTS WERE
380
00:19:05,467 --> 00:19:06,697
THAT GREAT.
381
00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:09,870
ANY GUY INTO ANAL HAS NO PROBLEM
382
00:19:09,867 --> 00:19:11,597
GOING DOWN ON A GIRL.
383
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,130
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
384
00:19:13,133 --> 00:19:13,473
VERSES.
385
00:19:13,467 --> 00:19:25,067
[APPLAUSE]
386
00:19:25,067 --> 00:19:27,197
>> WELCOME BACK, IS EVERYONE
387
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,700
STICKING TO THEIR SACRIFICES?
388
00:19:30,700 --> 00:19:35,830
I GAVE UP MIDDLE EASTEARN MEN
389
00:19:35,833 --> 00:19:37,103
AND CANDY.
390
00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:40,070
I ASSURE YOU THE MONEY WENT TO A
391
00:19:40,067 --> 00:19:41,067
GOOD CAUSE.
392
00:19:41,067 --> 00:19:43,697
FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER.
393
00:19:43,700 --> 00:19:46,630
KEEP UP WITH OUR BLOG, I CAN'T
394
00:19:46,633 --> 00:19:48,333
WAIT TO SEE YOU ALL ON TOUR.
395
00:19:48,333 --> 00:19:50,703
I ASKED YOU TO GET OFF YOUR ASS
396
00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:56,200
ONCE A DAY AND ENJOY 30 SECONDS
397
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:59,430
OF HARD CORE PAR CORE.
398
00:19:59,433 --> 00:20:01,603
LITTLE DID I KNOW IT WOULD TAKE
399
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:48,230
AMERICA BY STORM.
400
00:20:48,233 --> 00:20:48,533
STOP.
401
00:20:48,533 --> 00:20:49,733
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
402
00:20:49,733 --> 00:20:54,533
>> I AM GETTING ON TOSH.O.
403
00:20:54,533 --> 00:20:57,603
>> NOT HARD CORE ENOUGH.
404
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,370
WEIRD HOW NONE OF THOSE TOOK
405
00:21:00,367 --> 00:21:03,297
PLACE AT A FORTUNE 500
406
00:21:03,300 --> 00:21:04,430
COMPANIES.
407
00:21:04,433 --> 00:21:05,903
SEE YOU NEXT ONE.
408
00:21:05,900 --> 00:21:07,970
AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT DOESN'T
409
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,727
HAVE THEIR BODY IN EARLY SPRING?
410
00:21:09,733 --> 00:21:10,873
ENJOY.
25216
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