Original subtitles

A LOT OF CITIES ARE PUTTING

LOOPS IN NOW TO REDUCE GRIDLOCK.

WELCOME TO TOSH.0.

THIS SCARF COSTS $800 AND IF I

DIDN'T FIND OUT YESTERDAY THAT

ALEXANDER MCQUEEN KILLED

HIMSELF, I WOULD HAVE STRANGLED

HIM WITH IT.

HIGH FASHION.

TONIGHT ON THE SHOW WE GIVE A

GUY WHO GOT BEAT UP BY A GIRL A

REMATCH...

I COMPLAIN ABOUT THE PLACES

WHERE I EAT LUNCH.

AND WE BECOME THE FIRST CABLE

SHOW TO DEVELOP A SPACE PROGRAM.

ALRIGHT LET'S WATCH THIS

SKATEBOARDER AGAIN.

ON WHAT I'M SURE IS A CLOSED

COURSE.

OH MAN.

ALMOST!

OH MAN.

NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS UNDER

AN OVERPASS EXCEPT FOR CHEAP

HANDJOBS.

THAT'S A PLUS.

THAT IS THE LAST TIME I EVER BUY

A LOOPTY-LOOP FROM IKEA.

A LOOPTY-LOOP FROM IKEA.

SO MUCH ASSEMBLY.

I'M ABOUT TO SHOW YOU THE MOST

INCREDIBLE PENIS YOU'VE EVER

SEEN.

HIS WEENIE HAS A KNEE.

THAT'S RIGHT, SNOOKIE FILMED

HERSELF GETTING PREGNANT.

GOOD NEWS LADIES, NO MORE SORE

NECK BJS THANKS TO HIS BENDY

STRAW DONG.

PSST.

YOU WANNA SEE TWO KIDS FALL OUT

OF THE BACK OF A VAN IN THE

MIDDLE EAST?

ONE, TWO.

THAT'S HOW YOU DROP THE KIDS OFF

FOR SUICIDE BOMBING PRACTICE.

THAT IS ONLY THE THIRD MOST

DANGEROUS THING THAT HAPPENED TO

THEM THAT DAY.

YOU KNOW WHO'S REALLY GOOD AT

KILLING KIDS OVER THERE?

THE U.S. ARMY.

THE ONLY PART OF DELIVERING

BABIES I DON'T LIKE IS GETTING

UP SO EARLY.

YOU SEE THE KEY IS TO THROW THEM

BY THE HEAD.

LET THE WEIGHT OF THEM CARRY

THEM.

>> SEE YOU TOMORROW.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

>> DON'T WORRY THEIR BONES ARE

STILL SOFT.

>> BYE.

YOU KNOW WHAT BLACK BABIES ARE?

THE SPORTS PAGE.

WHAT?

I DON'T THINK THAT WAS BAD.

YOU KNOW WHAT JEWISH BABIES ARE?

THE COUPONS.

ASIANS?

SUDOKU.

AT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY, I PREFER

THE GIRL TO JUMP OUT OF THE

CAKE.

STOP.

STOP.

YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE TO BUY HER

ANYTHING NEXT YEAR.

GOOD TO SEE THE DEATH OF HIS

SISTER DIDN'T AFFECT THE KID IN

THE SOMBRERO'S APPETITE.

I WOULDN'T WANT TO WAKE UP

EITHER.

THIS IS THE MOST DEPRESSING

SWEET SIXTEEN EVER.

SOMEBODY GET HER 150 CC'S OF

MILK STAT.

IF YOU'RE GONNA TO COMMIT

SUICIDE, DO IT WITH SOME FLARE.

FIRE DOES UP THE DEGREE OF

DIFFICULTY.

NOTHING SOOTHES FRESH BURNS LIKE

MURKY RIVER WATER.

ALL DIVERS WORTH WATCHING ARE

FLAMING.

YES, HOMO.

STILL LESS EXCITING THAN A TEXT

FROM OLIVIA MUNN TO CHRIS PINE.

APPARENTLY, HER [BLEEP]HOLE'S ON

FIRE TOO.

WHAT'S NEXT?

DON'T GET MAD.

GET GLAD.

IT'S NOT THE CAN'S FAULT YOU

DIDN'T EARN ENOUGH SMILEY FACE

STICKERS TO FINISH TRADE SCHOOL.

NOW LET'S TAKE OUT THE TRASH IN

THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.

GARBAGE MEN ARE THE LEAST

RESPECTED CIVIL SERVANTS.

THEY WORK JUST AS HARD AS

FIREMEN OR COPS, BUT NO ONE EVER

CALLS THEM HEROES.

PROBABLY BECAUSE THEY SMELL LIKE

FISH JUICE.

LOOK AT THIS BADASS GOING

SLEEVELESS IN THE MIDDLE OF

WINTER, LIKE A [BLEEP] LINEMAN

FOR THE PACKERS.

SOMEONE PROBABLY WEDGED A PIZZA

BOX IN THE BOTTOM.

I IMAGINE THAT WOULD BE

FRUSTRATING, BUT WHEN YOUR JOB

INVOLVES HANDLING USED TAMPONS,

YOU'RE ENTITLED TO MOMENTS LIKE

THIS.

MAYBE THEY SHOULD JUST REPLACE

HIM WITH AN EMOTIONLESS

MECHANICAL ARM.

ALRIGHT, THAT SEEMS A BIT

AGGRESSIVE.

YOU'D NEVER SEE THIS BEHAVIOR

FROM THE BOYS ON THE RECYCLING

TRUCK.

YOU SIR, ARE DISRESPECTING THE

REFLECTIVE VEST.

THAT'S THE WORLD'S FIRST MAILBOX

BASEBALL GRAND SLAM.

SAY WHAT YOU WILL ABOUT HIM;

HE'S NO LITTERBUG.

I HOPE THOSE LETTERS WEREN'T

TIME-SENSITIVE.

WHO STILL GETS MAIL ANYHOW?

PAY YOUR BILLS ONLINE LIKE A

NORMAL PERSON.

IT'S NOT EASY TO FLEE THE SCENE

IN A VEHICLE THAT STOPS AT EVERY

SINGLE HOUSE IN THE

NEIGHBORHOOD.

BUT, NEVER FORGET THAT THE TRUE

SICKO HERE IS THE PERSON WHO

FILMS THEIR TRASH COLLECTOR, AND

FOR THAT, WE THANK YOU.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE WEB

REMATCH, BUT FIRST --

HEY DAD REMEMBER THAT TIME I

ALMOST FLEW OFF A MOUNTAIN AND

THE ONLY THING YOU DID TO

SAVE ME WAS YELL .PIZZA?'"

YEAH BRO

>> PIZZA.

PIZZA.

PIZ

PIZZA.

PIZZA.

PIZZA.

PIZZA.

PIZZA.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

NICE TRAY.

BREATHE IN.

FIVE POINTS LEFT.

USUALLY GIRLS CAN ONLY PUT GUYS

TO SLEEP BY TELLING THEM ABOUT

THEIR DAY.

BRANDON JUST GOT CHOKED OUT BY

COURTNEY, WHO IS A LADY.

WOMEN NEED TO KNOW THEIR PLACE

IN THE OCTAGON, AND THAT'S

HOLDING UP A NUMBER AND WEARING

A THONG.

MMA STANDS FOR MAN-ON-MAN

ACTION, AND IT COMBINES ELEMENTS

OF JUDO, BOXING, AND WEARING THE

UGLIEST CLOTHES MONEY CAN BUY.

ALTHOUGH IF I HAD GIANT

PUS-FILLED DUMPLINGS WHERE MY

EARS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE, I'D

WANT TO DRAW ATTENTION AWAY FROM

THEM TOO.

IT'S BASICALLY HUMAN

COCKFIGHTING AND THE ONLY

REASON SPIKE TV STILL IS A

CHANNEL.

THE FIGHT HAPPENS INSIDE A

PLAYPEN SHAPED LIKE A STOP SIGN.

YOU KNOW GOOD AND WELL YOU DON'T

NEED THOSE EIGHT SIDES.

A CIRCLE WOULD HAVE WORKED JUST

FINE.

THE RULES ARE THERE ARE NO

RULES.

WELL, EXCEPT YOU CAN'T PULL

HAIR, OR GRAB NUTS, FISH HOOK,

BITE, OR FIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR

WEIGHT CLASS, OR HIT A

DEFENSELESS RECEIVER.

ALRIGHT, THERE ARE A LOT OF

RULES, AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

IF THERE'S NO CHANCE OF ANYONE

DYING, I'LL GO AHEAD AND SKIP

THE PAY-PER-VIEW AND JUST

WATCH MY VHS COPY OF --

BUM FIGHTS.

KNOCK IT OFF WITH ALL THE GROUND

AND POUND.

THERE'S A REASON PROFESSIONAL

WRESTLING WENT FAKE, THAT'S

CAUSE REAL WRESTLING IS

UNWATCHABLE.

IF I WANT TO SEE TWO DUDES LIE

ON TOP OF EACH OTHER I'D LOOK IN

THE MIRROR ABOVE MY BED.

IF UFC WAS AS POPULAR AS THEY

SAY, THEN WHY CAN'T I NAME MORE

THAN THREE FIGHTERS?

I'VE HEARD OF JOE ROGAN AND

RANDY COUTURE.

RANDY COUTURE'S RECORD WAS 19

AND 11.

IF MANNY PACQUIAO WAS 19 AND 11

HE'D BE WASHING DISHES AT PF

CHANGS.

THEY SAY GUYS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO

HIT WOMEN, BUT RYU HAS BEEN

BEATING THE [BLEEP] OUT OF CHUN

LI FOR YEARS AND NO ONE HAS MADE

A PEEP.

SO WE INVITED BRANDON AND

COURTNEY OUT HERE TO SEE WHO

REALLY IS THE MORE POWERFUL SEX

--

IT'S MEN -- IN THIS WEEK'S WEB

REMATCH.

IS THATS HOW YOU ATTACK A WOMAN

FROM BEHIND.

YOU DON'T WANT HER TO SEE YOU.

THE IRONY OF THIS WARDROBE I

WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE.

>> IT'S PRETTY OBNOXIOUS.

>> IS THERE ANY MEN IN THE SPORT

THAT ONLY FIGHT WOMEN.

>> I HAVE NOT MET THAT PERSON

YET.

>> YOU MIGHT BE LOOKING AT HIM.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> DID YOU UNDERESTIMATE YOUR

OPPONENT.

>> A LITTLE.

>> THAT GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING

YOU WERE TRAINED.

>> I KNOW.

>> WHAT'S YOUR ETHNIC BROWN.

>> KOREAN.

>> HOW OLD ARE YOU.

>> 17.

>> I HAVE GIRLFRIENDS YOUR AGE.

>> HOW OLD WAS THE GIRL YOU

FOUGHT.

>> 29 OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

>> I THINK THAT'S STATUTORY.

>> WHAT HAPPENED DURING THAT

FIGHT.

JUST WALK YOU US THROUGH THE

WHOLE VIDEO.

I WENT INTO HER ARM GUARD, AND

SHE CHOKED ME OUT.

>> I LIKE GURGLING.

I WAS TRYING TO GET HIM OFF OF

ME SAFELY.

THAT'S ALL LIFT UP THEIR FEET

AND GIVE THEM A GOOD SHAKE.

>> YEAH.

>> THAT WAS THE LAST MATCH OF

THE TOURNAMENT.

>> YOU HAD FOUGHT SEVERAL FIGHTS

BEFORE THAT.

>> THIS WAS LIKE SPARTA.

>> YEAH.

>> IS THIS THE FIRST TIME YOU

EVER FOUGHT A WOMAN.

>> NO.

>> AND NO HOW EMBARRASSED WAS

YOUR FATHER THAT YOU LOST.

>> WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT MUCH.

>> HAVE YOU EVER LICKED A MAN'S

CAULIFLOWER EAR.

>> I GUESS I MIGHT HAVE.

>> YOU MUST BE A TIGER IN THE

SACK.

>> I CAN'T DANCE TO THAT.

>> YOU HAVE A GREAT HEAD OF

HAIR.

>> THANK YOU.

>> THAT'S ALL I KEEP THINKING

ABOUT.

>> DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

>> YEAH.

>> YOU EVER WRESTLE

>> I'VE SHOWN HER A FEW MOVES.

I'D LIKE TO TRAIN WITH YOU JUST

A LITTLE BIT SO I CAN BRING YOU

TO THE TABLE.

>> HOW WOULD YOU TAKE ME DOWN.

>> I JUST THINK THAT'S ZERO

CHANCE YOU COULD.

>> I'M GOING TO KISS YOU.

>> LIKE THAT.

>> NO.

1, 2, 3.

>> OKAY.

THERE WE GO.

>> THERE'S THE FINISH.

MY RECOMMENDATION ALWAYS FLIP

THEM.

ALWAYS FLIP THEM.

I DO THIS MYSELF WITH A COAT

HANGER.

THERE'S A GUNG LING YOU WERE

TALKING ABOUT.

>>RGLING YOU WERE

TALKING ABOUT.

>> THAT TECHNIQUE THAT YOU WERE

TALKING ABOUT IS PERFECT.

IS IT OKAY TO TAP.

>> NO.

>> HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET OUT

OF.

YOU NEVER WANT TO TURN YOUR BACK

TO SOMEONE.

>> THAT'S NOT TRUE.

THIS IS NOT A POSITION YOU WANT

TO GET INTO.

>> HOW WOULD YOU BREAK THIS?

>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS

THE MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING.

IT IS TIME IN THE ADORABLE

NONTHREATENING BLUE TRUNKS IS

THE WUSS WHO GOT ECED CHOKED OUT

BY A GIRL.

>> BRANDON.

AND IN THE KITCHEN I'M SORRY I

MET THIS SECRETARY DESKCHOKED OUT BY A

GIRL.

>> BRANDON.

AND IN THE KITCHEN I'M SORRY I

MET THIS SECRETARY DESK AND

WEIGHING NONE OF YOUR GOD DAMNED

BUSINESS.

COURTNEY.

THIS IS KIND OF MY -- YEAH BUT

DANIEL IS KIND OF MY THING.

>> HAVE A GOOD CLEAN FIGHT.

FOR THE NUMBER ONE INTERGENDER

CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD.

I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S REPPING OR

JERKING OFF.

>> 1, --

>> DON'T YOU DARE TAP OUT

COURTNEY.

DONE.

DONE.

DONE.

>> AND WINNER BY SUBMISSION,

PEN

PENIS.

>> BOY WHAT'S GOING ON.

YOU JUST BEAT UP A WOMAN ON TV

>> CALL ME OLD-FASHIONED BUT MEN

SHOULDN'T FIGHT WOMAN.

THE BEST FIGHT THAT NIGHT WAS A

LITTLE CONTROVERSIAL.

BUT BEFORE YOU GET ON ME ABOUT

IT, PLEASE RESPECT THAT DOG

FIGHTING IS A BIG PART OF MY

CULTURE.

IN THE BLACK AND WHITE COAT.

IN THE BEAUTIFUL HONEY BROWN

CO

COAT.

THE TWO DOGS FIGHTING FOR THE

CHAMPIONSHIP TONIGHT ARE BROTHER

AND SISTER.

IT'S TIME.

THE WINNER IS AVA.

AVA IS THE WINNER.

DON'T YOU HATE WHEN YOU GO TO

THE RESTAURANT AND THE WAITERS

ARE COMPLETE RUBBISH.

>> IN JAPAN THEY LIKE THEIR

WAITERS TO BE MONKEYS.

>> ROBOTS.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT THAT

RESTAURANT GOT A .B.'

PROBABLY BECAUSE ALL OF THE HIV.

SOME PEOPLE IN MY OFFICE BRING

LUNCH TO WORK, BUT THEY'RE

EITHER MARRIED OR POOR.

I'M NEITHER, SO I GO OUT EVERY

DAY.

UNFORTUNATELY, THE RESTAURANTS

HERE IN CULVER CITY CONSTANTLY

DROP THE BALL.

SURE, I COULD FILL OUT A COMMENT

CARD, BUT I THOUGHT IT'D BE WAY

MORE EFFECTIVE TO POINT OUT

THEIR MISTAKES ON NATIONAL

TELEVISION, IN A NEW SEGMENT

CALLED --

MAY I PLEASE SPEAK TO A

MANAGER?"

FIRST UP, THERE'S LA DIJONAISE.

OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT, LA

DEEJ.

I GO TO THIS PLACE ABOUT ONCE

EVERY OTHER WEEK.

AND IT'S A GREAT PLACE.

BIG MENU.

I DON'T LIKE A BIG MENU,

NORMALLY.

YOU GO TO CHEESECAKE FACTORY.

I DON'T WANT TO READ A [BLEEP]

NOVEL.

I'M A BIG FAN OF BREAD.

IT'S USUALLY SOFT, USUALLY WARM.

BUT THEN THEY BRING OUT PATS OF

BUTTER, THAT APPARENTLY THEY ARE

STORING IN THE ARCTIC CIRCLE.

AND THEN SOMEBODY IN OUR OFFICE

GOES, I'D RATHER THE BUTTER BE

TOO HARD THAN TOO SOFT."

OH REALLY, DUMBEST PERSON I'VE

EVER SPOKE TO.

THE TABLES ARE CLOSE TOGETHER.

TAKE ONE OR TWO LESS TABLES OUT

OF YOUR RESTAURANT.

LET THERE BE LIKE A FIRST CLASS

SECTION.

WHERE EVERYTHING IS LIKE $2

MORE.

WOULD YOU GUYS STILL PAY TO BE

IN THERE?

YEAH!

ALRIGHT, $10 MORE.

NOW THE BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH LA

DEEJ IS THE STRAWBERRY LEMONADE.

IT'S FRESH SQUEEZED LEMONADE

WITH A BEAUTIFUL STRAWBERRY

PUREE ON TOP.

WHEN YOU ASK FOR A REFILL THEY

JUST PUT MORE LEMONADE IN YOUR

GLASS.

SO YOU END UP WITH THIS PINK

[BLEEP].

HOW MUCH CAN ONE SQUIRT OF THAT

[BLEEPING] PUREE COST?

SHAME ON YOU, LA DEEJ.

THE LAST RESTAURANT THAT I'LL BE

DISCUSSING TODAY IS CALLED

LUNCH.

SO EVERYDAY IN THE OFFICE WE

HAVE THIS BIG "WHO'S ON FIRST?"

[BLEEPING] JOKE.

"WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO TO

LUNCH?"

"BUT I SAID I WAS AT LUNCH.

SECOND BASE!"

WHAT I REALLY LIKE ABOUT IT IS

YOU JUST GO TO A COUNTER AND

ORDER.

I'M A FAN OF THAT.

BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE TO TIP.

OH, THERE'S A JAR.

I'LL PUT A BUCK IN.

THEN YOU HAVE THE WHOLE PROBLEM,

OF LIKE, DID THEY SEE IT?

GOOD THING ABOUT LUNCH, FOOD

COMES OUT QUICK.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON

BACK THERE.

IF YOU'RE GUESSING WHAT PEOPLE

ARE GONNA TO ORDER.

I'M A HUGE COOKIE CONNOISSEUR.

BEST CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE IN

TOWN NOW THAT CHOPPE CHOPPE

LEFT.

BUT IF YOU GET IN THERE AROUND

TWO O'CLOCK, THEY'RE OUT OF

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES.

BUT THEY STILL HAVE OATMEAL

CRANBERRY AND PEANUT BUTTER.

WHAT?

NOBODY [BLEEPING] WANTS THOSE

COOKIES.

I WOULDN'T TRUST ANYONE THAT'S

LIKE, "OH MAN, I CAN USE SOME

CRANBERRY OATMEAL.

" THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WANTED

DESSERT.

NOT A HEALTHY SNACK IF WE'RE ON

A TRAIL SOMEWHERE.

CAN'T FIND OUR SUBARU.

I'M NOT SAYING IT HAPPENED ONCE

OR TWICE.

EVERY DAY.

WHOO.

HERE'S WHAT HAS TO HAPPEN.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE ONE LESS BATCH

OF DISGUSTING COOKIES AND A

THOUSAND MORE BATCHES OF

CHOCOLATE CHIP.

IT'S LIKE YOU'RE DELIBERATELY

TRYING TO HAVE AN UNSUCCESSFUL

RESTAURANT.

ALRIGHT, I'VE RUINED ENOUGH

SMALL BUSINESSES FOR ONE DAY.

A LOT OF TV SHOWS CLAIM TO BE

COMIC FRIENDLY, BUT THE PROBLEM

IS, THEIR COMIC FRIENDS ARE

HORRIBLE.

SO I THOUGHT I WOULD DO MY PART

AND INTRODUCE YOU TO SOME COMICS

WHO ARE ACTUALLY FUNNY.

NOW FOR THE DEBUT OF THE LESS IS

MORE COMEDY CORNER, PLEASE HELP

ME WELCOME, CHELSEA PERETTI.

THANK YOU.

UM.

IT'S PRETTY STRESSFUL EATING

FOOD IN PUBLIC.

ESPECIALLY A BANANA, IF YOU'RE A

FEMALE.

CAUSE THEN YOU'RE IN THE

POSITION OF TRYING TO UN[BLEEP]

A BANANA.

YOU HAVE TO BE STRATEGIC AND IT

SUCKS CAUSE IT'S A GREAT SNACK

ON THE GO.

BUT WHAT I'LL DO IS, I'LL PEEL

IT AND THEN I'LL BREAK A PIECE

OFF AND MUSH IT UP IN MY PALM.

AND THEN LIKE SCOOP IT UP

BETWEEN MY FINGERS AND I'LL EAT

IT LIKE -- CAUSE I DON'T WANT IT

TO LOOK SEXUAL.

THANK YOU!

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THANK YOU.

OH, THANKS.

SOLID JOB, CHELSEA.

CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE YOU BACK.

YOU GUYS CAN FOLLOW CHELSEA ON

TWITTER AT @ CHELSEA V PERETTI.

THAT'S P-E-R-E-T-T-I.

GO TO HER WEBSITE AT CHELSEA

PERETTI.COM.

YOU DON'T NEED THE .V' ON THAT

ONE.

SHE'S REGULAR AT THE UCB THEATER

IN LOS ANGELES AND SOMETIMES IN

NEW YORK, SHE'S THERE.

SHE'S ALSO A REGULAR AT THE

COMEDY STORE ON SUNSET BLVD IN

WEST HOLLYWOOD.

SHE'S BEEN ON LOUIE ON FX.

SHE WRITES FOR PARKS AND

RECREATION ON NBC.

I'M HEARING GOOD THINGS ABOUT

THAT SHOW.

YEA.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD.

SUBSCRIBE TO HER YOUTUBE CHANNEL

-- CV PERETTI.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE

COMIC JUSTICE.

BYE!

WELCOME BACK.

HAVE YOU BEEN STUDYING YOUR

BRACKETOLOGY?

I'M STILL PERFECT.

NEXT WEEK, WE GIVE THIS SPRING

BREAKER A WEB REDEMPTION.

WHOA.

OH MY GOD.

I'M KIDDING.

HE'S NOT GONNA TO BE HERE.

THAT GUY'S DEAD.

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER SO WE CAN

LIVE CHAT DURING THE SHOWS.

KEEP UP WITH OUR BLOG AT

TOSH.COMEDYCENTRAL.COM.

CHECK OUT OUR STORE.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU ALL ON

TOUR.

FINALLY, MAN HAS ALWAYS DREAMED

OF GOING INTO SPACE.

AND SINCE MY DAYS AT ASTRONAUT

HIGH SCHOOL, I KNEW IT WAS MY

DESTINY TO REACH THE STARS.

LATELY, A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE

BEEN USING WEATHER BALLOONS TO

SEND STUFF UP THERE, SO I

DECIDED TO BECOME THE FIRST MAN

IN HISTORY TO SHOOT A ROCKET

POP.

THAT'S RIGHT!

A ROCKET POP, INTO SPACE.

MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL.

HOUSTON, IN 10, 9, 8 -- I'M NOT

LIKING THIS BREEZE.

I'M SCRUBBING THE LAUNCH.

I'M SCRUBBING THE LAUNCH GUYS.

WE'LL TRY TO GET IT IN FOUR

WEEKS.

THIS IS MUCH BETTER WEATHER

CONDITIONS.

THIS IS ONE STEP FOR ME, AND

ANYONE THAT OWNS A WEATHER

BALLOON.

A LICK FOR LUCK.

FOUND IT.

THERE IT IS.

I JUST LIKED THE ONLY POPSICLE

THAT WENT TO SPACE.

>> I'M ALSO THE ONLY WHITE

PERSON TO ENJOY DESSERT IN KAUM

COMPTON.

BALL'S IN YOUR COURT, DIPPIN'

DOTS.

ICE CREAM OF THE FUTURE MY ASS.

GOODNIGHT.

SWITCH TO HOVER MODE.

WOULD YOU LOVE FOR SOMEBODY TO

COME UP AND MESS WITH YOU ONE

DAY.

>> YEAH I WOULD.

>> IT'S GOT TO BE NICE THAT THE