Original subtitles

[students chattering]

[audience groans]

[cheers and applause]

- WELCOME TO TOSH.0!

[cheering continues]

WOW!

SHE IS REALLY UP THERE.

THE HEAVIER GIRL NOT SO MUCH.

HEH HEH!

FRESHMAN 15 HAS ITS ADVANTAGES.

YOU CAN ONLY ASK KIDS TO SIT DOWN SO MANY TIMES,

THEN YOU HAVE TO HIT A SPEED BUMP DOING 50.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT.

THAT'S WHY ROSA PARKS DIDN'T SIT IN THE BACK.

POTHOLES.

POTHOLES.

WE HAVE GREAT SHOW TODAY.

THE HOME SHOPPING LADDER GUY GETS A WEB REDEMPTION.

WE GIVE THE PIZZA ROLL KID HIS TOUGHEST CHALLENGE YET.

I CONSIDER TAKING THIS GUY ON IN ARM WRESTLING.

AND BE SURE TO STAY TUNED FOR THE WHOLE SHOW,

BECAUSE WE HAVE A SEASON-ENDING CLIFFHANGER

THAT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND.

LET'S START WITH A LITTLE ROAD KILL.

[women hooting]

[women scream]

[chuckles]

IT COULD'VE BEEN WORSE.

THEY COULD'VE BEEN HOT.

GUESS WE'RE HEADING BACK TO THE HOME DEPOT

TO GET TWO NEW ONES.

[laughter] UN-UH. I MEAN MEXICANS.

THAT REALLY DOESN'T SOFTEN IT.

ALL RIGHT, NOW OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY, "UGH!"

- [speaking foreign language]

[audience groaning]

YEAH. HE GOES [bleep] ON WOMEN BY 10:00 A.M.

THAN YOU DO ALL DAY.

HEY, I'D LET HIM GO [bleep] ON ME JUST FOR THE STORY.

HE CAN TIE A CHERRY TREE IN A KNOT.

YOU KNOW HIS PENIS MUST HAVE TONGUE ENVY.

HIS DOCTOR PROBABLY USES A 2x4 AS A TONGUE DEPRESSOR.

YOU GET IT? HE'S GOT A BIG [bleep] TONGUE.

UGH.

HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T GIVE A HOOT.

YEAH, WHEN IN ROMANIA.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS A RIVER OF [bleep]?

WEEZER'S NEW ALBUM.

[laughter and applause]

TRUST ME, THERE IS NOTHING MORE RELAXING

THAN TUBING DOWN THE MISS-[bleep] RIVER.

AHH!

[opens can]

IT'S OKAY.

IT WASN'T OPENED YET.

PROBABLY SHOULD'VE RECYCLED.

THERE'S MY CONDOM.

THAT IS THE ONLY POSITION YOU SHOULD BE IN

IN JEAN SHORTS.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S NEXT?

A HOT TUB, SEA-DOO AND A STRIPPER POLE?

THIS IS THE HOLY TRINITY OF HAPPINESS.

AND I WAS HOPING THIS WOULD END IN AN ACCIDENT TOO...

BUT SADLY, NO.

MAYBE THIS NEXT ONE WILL BE BETTER.

- READY.

- YES. TAZER.

WE'RE OFF TO A GOOD START. DO IT.

[chuckling]

THAT WAS SHOCKING.

NOW LET'S SEE HOW MANY FUNNY COMMENTS

WE CAN POST IN 20 SECONDS.

DON'T FEEL BAD. CHINA'S TOO CROWDED, ANYWAY.

audience: OH!

- GREAT. HE'S GONNA SLEEP RIGHT THROUGH HIS KARATE LESSON.

MORE EFFECTIVE THAN RITALIN.

IF YOU DO THAT WHILE YOU MASTURBATE,

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE AWESOME.

IT IS.

YOU HAVE DISHONORED YOURSELF. [drumbeat]

AAH! KUNG PAO!

KIND OF RACIST AT THE END THERE.

ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE POLAR BEAR CLUB?

THAT'S WHERE OLD MEN JUMP INTO FREEZING WATER.

WELL, HERE'S HOW THEY HAZE THEIR NEW MEMBERS.

- [speaking foreign language]

- THAT IS NOT HOW JESUS DID IT.

OR MAYBE IT IS, AND IT'S JUST A BOOK OF EXAGGERATIONS.

AND I THOUGHT I'D FEED THIS WHOLE CROWD WITH ONE FISH.

IF I HAD ONE WISH, IT WOULD BE

TO GET BETTER CAMERAS IN RUSSIA.

I FEEL THAT PLACE COULD BE BEAUTIFUL.

BUT THE FOOTAGE I'VE SEEN-- VERY DEPRESSING.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A TALENT SHOW

WHERE SOMEONE WAS ACTUALLY TALENTED?

IT IS AWFUL.

[playing classical music]

*

LOOK AT THAT VIRGIN GO.

CONGRATS. YOU'RE THE BEST ACCORDION PLAYER IN THE WORLD.

HAVE FUN BEING THAT.

WHAT'S IT LIKE TO HAVE MASTERED SOMETHING

NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO EVER?

I WAS ACTUALLY IN THAT TALENT SHOW.

[plays note]

AND THAT WAS BEYONCE'S SINGLE LADIES.

I SHOULD'VE GONE FIRST.

I TELL YOU WHAT I SHOULD'VE DONE.

I SHOULD'VE GONE WITH A RIHANNA SONG.

- WHOA!

[people cheering]

[woman shouting]

[audience groans]

OH! WELL, IT'S OFFICIAL.

WOMEN CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT.

[laughter and applause]

EVEN IN DUBAI, UGH.

I GUESS SHE SHOULD BE GLAD SHE DIDN'T STOP ON A LANDMINE.

NOW LET'S RESET THE PINS AND TAKE ANOTHER LOOK

AT THIS 7-10 SPLIT TO THE HEAD

IN THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.

[cheers and applause]

- YOU CAN TELL THIS ISN'T IN AMERICA

BECAUSE THE WOMAN BOWLING ISN'T 80 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT.

NOPE, IT'S THE LEAGUE NIGHT AT ARABIAN STRIKES,

AND PRINCESS JASMINE HERE IS READY TO GO

SUICIDE BOMBER ON SOME PINS.

BIG NIGHT.

SHE GOT TO WEAR WHAT AMERICANS CALL BLUE JEANS.

- WHOA!

- NOTICE--PINK BALL, TERRIBLE TECHNIQUE.

PETE WEBER WOULD NOT APPROVE.

[laughter and applause]

YOU DON'T KNOW WHO PETE WEBER IS?

SUCK IT.

HEY, AND LOOK AT THAT. SHE'S OVER THE LINE.

THAT'S A FOOT FAULT, CHEATER!

CHEATERS NEVER WIN.

EXCEPT IN BASEBALL.

[audience groans]

[men cheering]

PRAISE ALLAH! A STRIKE!

THAT'S THE MOST A WOMAN HAS EVER ACCOMPLISHED

IN THAT COUNTRY.

audience: OH!

- AND CHECK OUT THIS GUY

TRYING TO SNEAK A TITTY CUP ON THE HIGH HUG.

MANY HAVE HAD A HAND CHOPPED OFF

FOR LESS THAN THAT, MY FRIEND.

[woman screaming]

ALL RIGHT, CALM DOWN.

IT'S NOT LIKE YOU FOUND OSAMA.

YOU ROLLED A BALL. AND WHERE ARE YOU HEADED?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO RETRIEVE YOUR OWN BALL.

AND SHE TOPPLES JUST LIKE THE STATUE OF SADDAM.

BOWLING SHOES ARE NOT MADE FOR TAKING VICTORY LAPS.

LET'S SEE IT AGAIN.

OOH! YOU HIT YOUR HEAD,

BUT IT'S BETTER THAN BEING LOCKED IN A SEX DUNGEON.

[chuckles]

OR A NON-CONSENSUAL SEX ROOM.

[cheers and applause]

IT'S JUST TOO BAD THAT SHE'LL HAVE TO BE

STONED DEATH FOR DAMAGING THAT LANE.

LUCKY FOR US, WE DON'T LIVE THERE,

BUT AT LEAST SOMEONE DEFIED THE TALIBAN LONG ENOUGH

TO PUT THIS VIDEO ONLINE, AND FOR THAT, WE THANK YOU.

COMING UP, WE GIVE THE HOME SHOPPING GUY A WEB REDEMPTION.

BUT FIRST, HERE'S PROOF THAT A FAT PERSON CAN STRETCH.

THEY JUST CHOOSE NOT TO--

IN OUR SKATEBOARD TRICK OF THE WEEK.

- WATCH IT, WATCH IT.

- OH, [bleep]!

- SAY YOU HAVE A-- YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO

GET UP ON THE WALL OR HIGH CEILING, VAULTED CEILING.

HEY, LISTEN, JUST WALK RIGHT UP.

AND I TELL YOU, IT'S VERY SAFE.

IT'S DURABLE. AND IT'S LIGHTWEIGHT.

- OH, YOU'RE SCARING ME. - SO REALLY--

- WHOA! - NOW IT'S LOCKED IN PLACE.

OKAY? SO REALLY, YOU SEE--

- OH, GOD! HAROLD, ARE YOU OKAY?

[laughter and applause]

- WASN'T LOCKED.

I HOPE OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY,

BECAUSE HE'S GONNA NEED A RIDE TO THE HOSPITAL.

INFOMERCIALS ARE GREAT.

WHAT ELSE ARE YOU GONNA WATCH AT 3:00 A.M.?

CARSON DALY?

SOMEONE JUST GOT OUT OF THE [bleep] ROOM.

[laughter]

THE WRONG END, THE WRONG END.

MY FAVORITE PART OF INFOMERCIALS?

THE PITCHMEN.

I DON'T CARE THAT THE GUY'S SELLING A SPONGE

SHAPED LIKE A PAPER TOWEL BEAT UP A HOOKER.

OR THAT MY LAUNDRY HAS NEVER BEEN CLEANER

THANKS TO A GUY THAT LOVES WHITE POWDER.

[chuckles] AND I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT OXICLEAN.

R.I.P., BILLY.

I HOPE THEY BURIED YOU IN A SNUGGIE.

WHICH, FOR THE RECORD, IS JUST A BACKWARDS ROBE

FOR MORONS WHO DON'T MIND STRIPPING DOWN TO PEE NAKED.

EVERY TIME I SEE AN INFOMERCIAL,

I THINK, "HOW MUCH IS THIS CRAP GONNA COST ME?"

MY GUESS IS $1 MILLION. NO?

IMAGINE MY SHOCK AND SURPRISE

WHEN IT GOES FOR $9.99.

THEN THEY'RE THROWING IN A TON

OF OTHER SLIGHTLY-RELATED ITEMS FOR THE SAME PRICE,

AND SUDDENLY YOU'D BE LOSING MONEY

IF YOU DIDN'T BUY IT.

ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS SET IT AND FORGET IT!

NOW I'M RUNNING A GODDAMN BOSTON MARKET IN MY KITCHEN.

THAT'S WHY WE PAID HAROLD MCCOO

THREE EASY PAYMENTS OF $206,

PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING,

TO COME TO HOLLYWOOD FOR THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.

[cheers and applause]

- HEY, DANIEL.

- HEY, HAROLD. - HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M DOING GOOD. JUST DOING THE WINDOWS.

- I SEE THAT.

- [bleep]. I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN.

WAS IT LOCKED?

- NO. IT WASN'T LOCKED.

- THE FLEX-O-LADDER.

I'D LIKE TO THINK THAT YOU OWN THIS COMPANY NOW.

- [laughs] - DID YOU SUE 'EM?

- THE THING IS, IT WASN'T LOCKED.

- I KNOW. WE ALL KNOW.

- SO THAT'S NOT THE COMPANY'S FAULT.

- HOW LONG AFTER THAT CLIP DID YOU QUIT?

- I DIDN'T QUIT.

THEY SHUT THE WHOLE NETWORK DOWN.

- BECAUSE OF THAT INCIDENT?

- NO. NOT BECAUSE--

- I WOULD HAVE LOVED FOR YOU TO BRING THE WHOLE EMPIRE DOWN

BECAUSE OF ONE FAULTY LADDER.

ARE YOU MAD THAT IT POPPED UP ON YOUTUBE?

- WHEN I STARTED LOOKING AT SOME OF THE COMMENTS,

THEN I REALLY GOT SICK,

'CAUSE SOME OF THESE PEOPLE IT'S AS IF THEY HAVE NO LIFE.

SO THEY GO TO YOUTUBE, LOOK AT STUFF.

- WELCOME TO THE INTERNET.

- AND IT'S IRONIC THAT ALL THE THINGS

I'VE DONE IN THE INDUSTRY, YOU KNOW,

LEGITIMATE HARD-CORE NEWS,

DOING REPORTING, AND ANCHORING, AND TALK SHOWS,

INTERNATIONAL PRINT WORK, YOU KNOW, B.E.T. NETWORK.

- I'M FAMILIAR? - OH, YEAH?

- YES. THEY LET ME WATCH.

- OF ALL THAT, THE ONE THING

THAT NOW IS SPLATTERED ALL OVER THE INTERNET

IS THIS LITTLE INCIDENT WITH THIS LADDER COLLAPSING.

- WELL, A CLOSE SECOND, IN MY BOOK,

WOULD BE SOME OF THAT INTERNATIONAL PRINT WORK.

[laughter]

I'D LIKE TO GIVE YOU A FEW PRODUCTS,

GET YOU BACK UP ON THAT HORSE--

LADDER--

AND SEE HOW WELL YOU CAN SELL THEM.

AND IF YOU DO GET HURT THIS TIME,

I PROMISE YOU WE WILL SEND YOU A FREE LADDER.

NO, YOU CAN SUE.

YOU COULD SUE IF YOU GOT HURT TODAY,

THAT'S FOR SURE. - YEAH.

- THAT IS ON TAPE.

OKAY, THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW,

ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT?

- I'M READY. ARE YOU GUYS READY?

[cheers and applause]

- WHAT DO YOU GOT FOR US?

- THE SHAMWOW,

THE MOST ABSORBENT TOWEL EVER.

CHECK IT OUT.

- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. - OH, YES.

- OH!

- YOU'LL SAY "WOW" EVERY TIME...

- WOW! - WITH THE SHAMWOW.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. - OH, MAN.

- WHO DOESN'T WANT TIGHT, TONED, SIX-PACK ABS?

- I DO! - WITH THE AB LOUNGE,

THEY'VE NEVER BEEN EASIER TO GET.

- I CAN FEEL IT WORKING!

- BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.

- YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

- I'M NOT. IT'S THE GINSU KNIFE.

BY FAR THE BEST, THE SHARPEST KNIFE

YOU'LL EVER OWN.

- THAT WENT THROUGH LIKE BUTTER.

- BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.

- [bleep]!

- THE POWER JUICER, THE ULTIMATE JUICING MACHINE.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

- MORE?

- THE SNUGGIE.

- IT'S SO SOFT!

- BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.

- OH, I WILL [bleep] HIT YOU.

- THE FLEX-O-LADDER. - THE FLEX-O-LADDER?

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE READY FOR THE FLEX-O-LADDER?

- I'M SURE.

- ARE YOU SURE IT'S LOCKED?

- IT'S LOCKED.

- WELL, THEN WHY ELSE WOULD YOU GO OVER

A BUNCH OF PUPPIES AND BABIES

UNLESS YOU WERE COMPLETELY SURE?

- SEE, NOW IT'S LOCKED IN PLACE, OKAY?

- THE FLEX-O-LADDER!

THE FLEX-O-LADDER!

GOOD JOB.

ALL FOR $19.95.

BABIES AND PUPPIES NOT INCLUDED.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

FUNNY BEHIND-THE-SCENES STORY.

WE HAD SO MANY MORE BABIES ON THE FIRST TAKE.

ALL RIGHT, THAT MAKES 16 WEB REDEMPTIONS THIS SEASON,

AND IT HASN'T BEEN EASY ON ME

MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, OR SPIRITUALLY.

THEY TAKE A LOT OUT OF ME.

SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK BACK AT HOW I PERSONALLY

AND SINGLE-HANDEDLY,

WITHOUT THE HELP OF ANYBODY ELSE ON THIS SHOW,

CHANGED THE LIVES OF SO MANY POOR WRETCHED SOULS.

HERE'S TO GREAT WEB REDEMPTIONS.

THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW...

ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT?

- I THINK SO. - I THINK SO.

- YEAH. - YES.

- I'M READY. - YEAH.

- I'M READY. - OH, I'M DEFINITELY READY.

- I'M READY. - THINK SO.

- LET'S DO IT. - HELL YEAH, I'M READY TO GO.

- LET'S GO. - YES.

- I'M READY. - I'M READY.

ARE YOU GUYS READY?

- DO NOT [bleep] THIS UP.

[audience groans]

EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE.

THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

GOD, THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

MEMORIES.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A FUN NEW WAY

TO DO WATERBOARDING.

BUT BEFORE WE GO, IT'S TIME FOR THE PRANK OF THE WEEK.

- GO.

[audience oohs]

male announcer: AND THAT WAS THE PRANK OF THE WEEK

BROUGHT TO YOU BY HTC.

YOU DON'T NEED TO GET A PHONE.

YOU NEED A PHONE THAT GETS YOU.

- I'M GETTING READY TO EAT 40 PIZZA ROLLS.

THAT WAS A GOOD ONE, GUYS.

IF YOU HAVE ANY OTHER CHALLENGE YOU WANT ME TO TRY,

HIT ME UP.

I'LL SEE IF I CAN DO IT.

DAMN, THAT WAS ROUGH.

- YEAH, IT WAS ROUGH TO WATCH TOO, JUSTIN.

SO YOU'RE LOOKING FOR CHALLENGES, HUH?

EVER HEAR OF CHICKEN IN A CAN?

IT COMES FULLY COOKED. KINDA GROSS, RIGHT?

WELL, THERE'S YOUR CHALLENGE.

I MAILED HIM SIX CANS. BON APPETIT.

- HEY, DANIEL, I REVIEWED YOUR CHALLENGE.

SAD TO SAY, I'M GONNA DOMINATE

THIS CHICKEN IN A CAN FOR YOU.

I'D LIKE SOME MEAT ON THIS.

ALL RIGHT, THERE WE GO.

[audience groaning]

I'M LUCKY.

[audience groaning]

[belches]

TWO CHICKENS IN THE CAN.

ALL RIGHT, THIS IS JUSTIN.

CAMERAMAN WAS TREVOR. AND WE ARE OUT.

- OH, THANK YOU, JUSTIN.

MAN, YOU WERE GREAT IN SEVEN.

JUSTIN IS NOT THE ONLY HUGE THING ON THE INTERNET.

THERE'S ALSO WATERBOARDING.

PEOPLE ALWAYS DEBATE, IS IT TORTURE?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT I FIGURED OUT A WAY

TO MAKE IT A LOT MORE REFRESHING--

BY REPLACING WATER WITH LEMONADE.

I TESTED IT OUT ON MY GOOD FRIEND,

COMEDIAN TODD GLASS, AND I HOPE WE CAN ALL AGREE

THAT LEMONADE BOARDING, WHILE DELIGHTFULLY TANGY,

IS ALSO AN EFFECTIVE WAY TO EXTRACT INFORMATION.

ARE CODE WORD, OKAY?

- OH.

OH, NO. [laughs]

- IF YOU NEED TO STOP, YELL THAT WORD.

- [bleep, bleep]!

OH, MY GOD.

- [laughs] IS IT AWFUL?

- MY EYES ARE BURNING

FROM THE [bleep] LEMONADE

BEFORE THE WATERBOARDING BOTHERED ME.

HOLY [bleep].

THAT'S ALL I COULD DO?

- IF YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE MORE...

NO, KNOCK IT OFF. NO.

IF YOU THINK YOU CAN GUESS OUR SAFE WORD,

FEEL FREE TO TRY AT COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0.

AND WHILE YOU'RE THERE, UPLOAD YOUR OWN VIDEO

FOR A CHANCE TO BE OUR VIEWER VIDEO OF THE WEEK.

THIS WEEK'S WINNER IS BERNICE,

AND SHE'S FROM OAKLAND.

- * SITTING ON A TOILET

* SITTING ON A TOILET

* SITTING ON A TOILET

* SITTING ON A TOILET

* SITTING ON A TOILET

* SITTING ON A TOILET

* SITTING ON A TOILET

* SITTING ON A TOILET

* SITTING ON A TOILET

* SITTING ON A TOILET

* SITTING ON A TOILET

* NOW FLUSH

[audience groans]

Daniel and audience: * SITTING ON A TOILET

* SITTING ON A TOILET

- WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

audience: * SITTING ON A TOILET

- WITH STAND-UP STAND-UP WITH WALI COLLINS.

audience: * SITTING ON A TOILET

* SITTING ON A TOILET - OKAY.

[cheers and applause]

- * SITTING ON A TOILET

I'M GONNA REMIX THE [bleep] OUTTA THAT.

[laughter]

FEEL FREE TO SEND US YOUR BEST VERSION.

I DON'T CARE.

ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS KNOW ME AS THE HOST OF TOSH.0,

BUT WHAT YOU MAY NOT KNOW

IS THAT I AM THE CURRENT UNDEFEATED CHAMPION

OF THE COMEDY CENTRAL ARM WRESTLING LEAGUE.

YEAH. DON'T BELIEVE IT?

WHAT IF I TOLD YOU I SPEND HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS

ON MY OWN ARM WRESTLING TABLE?

IT'S ABOUT 150 ACTUALLY.

STILL NOT CONVINCED?

WELL, HERE'S SOME OF MY HIGHLIGHTS, MOTHER[bleep].

I AM GONNA [bleep] RUIN THIS OLD MAN.

READY? GO.

OH, THERE IT IS.

AHH!

- GO.

- OHH! AHH!

- READY, SET, WRESTLE.

- OH!

- WAH!

- GO.

- OH. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

- WRESTLE.

- AH!

- WRESTLE.

- AHH!

[cheering]

- WHAT?

- IT IS THE TRIGGER.

THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL IT.

UNH!

YOU'RE NEXT, LINCOLN HAWK.

THAT'S RIGHT, TURN YOUR HAT AROUND ALL YOU WANT.

I'M TAKING YOUR SON AND YOUR CHAMPIONSHIP.

THANKS FOR WATCHING.

MAKE SURE YOU FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER

SO WE CAN LIVE CHAT DURING THE SHOWS.

AND DON'T SEND ME TOO MANY QUESTIONS.

FLYING DUTCHMAN, I'M TAKING TO YOU.

I'M NOT ANSWERING YOUR TWEETS BECAUSE YOU'RE A MORON.

NOW CHECK OUT MY TOUR SCHEDULE

AND MAKE SURE YOU KEEP UP WITH OUR DAILY BLOG

AT COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0.

IT'S BEEN A GREAT SEASON,

AND I'VE MADE A LOT OF GOOD FRIENDS.

UH, THAT GUY THAT SITS NEXT TO THE CAMERA.

THAT LADY THAT COOKS.

UH, I HAVE A WRITER THAT HAS A FAMILY.

THE POINT IS THESE ARE RELATIONSHIPS

THAT I WILL TREASURE FOREVER.

AND NOW IT'S TIME

FOR OUR BIG CLIFFHANGER ENDING.

- SARAH, PLEASE.

- NO! I'M SLIPPING, GABE!

GABE, DON'T LET ME FALL! NO! - NO!

- HOLD ON, WALKER.

DON'T LET HER GO.

THAT MOVIE IS SO SUSPENSEFUL.

WILL HE BE ABLE TO HOLD ON?

TUNE IN NEXT SEASON TO FIND OUT.

GOOD NIGHT.

[cheers and applause]

Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com

- BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.

- YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK.

- THROW THAT FOOD PROCESSOR AWAY.

- I WILL. - THE SLAP CHOP...

- I'M GONNA THROW IT AWAY. - GETS IT DONE QUICKER.

- OH, MY GOODNESS! - YES! YES!

- AH!

[yelping] SALSA!

- BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.

- OH, MY GOODNESS. - YES!

- I'M COMING FOR YOU, HONEY. I'M COMING FOR YOU.

[chuckling]

- ELIZABETH.

- WHAT, WEEZIE? - ELIZABETH.