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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,170 - [laughing] 2 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:11,930 - YEAH? THERE YOU HAVE IT. 3 00:00:11,967 --> 00:00:13,667 COME ON. YEAH? 4 00:00:13,700 --> 00:00:14,870 - NO, LET ME GO, PLEASE! 5 00:00:14,900 --> 00:00:16,700 - WE'RE GONNA DO IT. COME ON. 6 00:00:16,733 --> 00:00:17,803 - I PROMISE. 7 00:00:19,867 --> 00:00:23,627 [cheers and applause] 8 00:00:23,667 --> 00:00:24,967 - THANK YOU. 9 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:27,270 THAT'S WHY I STOPPED TAKING BATHS AT THE GYM. 10 00:00:27,300 --> 00:00:28,830 [laughter] 11 00:00:28,867 --> 00:00:30,367 WELCOME TO TOSH.0. 12 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:33,100 OHH, THAT VIDEO MADE ME VERY UNCOMFORTABLE 13 00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:35,603 FOR THE FIRST 20 MINUTES. 14 00:00:35,633 --> 00:00:36,973 ALL I KEPT THINKING WAS, 15 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,330 MAN, THESE GUYS' WIVES ARE GONNA GIVE THEM SO MUCH CRAP 16 00:00:39,367 --> 00:00:41,467 WHEN THEY SEE THIS. 17 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:44,070 HIS MOUTH IS SAYING NO, OVER AND OVER, 18 00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:48,130 YET HIS CHISELED ABS ARE SCREAMING YES. 19 00:00:48,167 --> 00:00:52,067 IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL SOMEONE GETS A BONER. 20 00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:55,630 THAT'S WHAT MY GRANDMA ALWAYS SAID. 21 00:00:55,667 --> 00:00:57,097 WE HAVE A PRETTY SWELL SHOW TODAY. 22 00:00:57,133 --> 00:00:58,703 TONIGHT, WE GIVE THE TRAMPLED CHEERLEADER 23 00:00:58,733 --> 00:00:59,903 A WEB REDEMPTION. 24 00:01:00,067 --> 00:01:02,267 WE FIND OUT IF THIS IS REAL OR FAKE. 25 00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:04,870 AND I'LL BE ANSWERING YOUR CELEBRITY TWITTER QUESTIONS. 26 00:01:04,900 --> 00:01:06,330 ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED 27 00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,567 BY CHECKING IN ON A SAFARI. 28 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:10,700 [man speaking foreign language] 29 00:01:10,733 --> 00:01:12,603 - AAH! [laughing] 30 00:01:12,633 --> 00:01:14,933 [group speaking foreign language] 31 00:01:18,700 --> 00:01:20,700 [laughter and groans] 32 00:01:25,667 --> 00:01:27,567 - UGH, WHAT'S MORE ANNOYING: 33 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,330 MONKEYS HAVING SEX ON YOUR CAR, 34 00:01:29,367 --> 00:01:30,827 OR LISTENING TO YOUR WIFE AND HER FRIENDS 35 00:01:30,867 --> 00:01:33,627 CACKLE IN YOUR EAR? 36 00:01:33,667 --> 00:01:36,197 TWO-PUMP CHIMP. 37 00:01:36,233 --> 00:01:38,703 DO YOU NEED MORE PROOF THAT WE'VE DESCENDED FROM MONKEYS? 38 00:01:38,733 --> 00:01:43,073 AFTER HE FINISHES, HE IMMEDIATELY TAKES A NAP. 39 00:01:43,067 --> 00:01:44,897 [sighs] 40 00:01:44,933 --> 00:01:47,173 TALK ABOUT YOUR ROUGH RIDER. HE'S HITTING IT BAREBACK. 41 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,270 THAT'S RISKY. 42 00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:50,500 I DON'T MEAN TO STEREOTYPE, 43 00:01:50,533 --> 00:01:55,203 BUT SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE HAS AIDS. 44 00:01:55,233 --> 00:01:57,273 SHE DOES. 45 00:01:57,300 --> 00:02:00,500 THAT ASS WAS INFECTED. 46 00:02:00,533 --> 00:02:03,173 ALL RIGHT, HERE'S A QUESTION WE'VE ALL ASKED OURSELVES. 47 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,130 HOW MANY UNEMPLOYMENT CHECKS DOES IT TAKE 48 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,667 TO MAKE YOUR CAR DO THIS? 49 00:02:06,700 --> 00:02:08,630 [loud metallic banging] 50 00:02:14,867 --> 00:02:16,667 [Southern accent] YEAH, GET IT! YEAH! 51 00:02:16,700 --> 00:02:21,700 OH, MAN, EVEN THEIR CARS JUMP HIGHER. 52 00:02:21,733 --> 00:02:25,903 I THINK THAT TRANSFORMER'S RETARDED. 53 00:02:25,933 --> 00:02:27,833 REBUILDING YOUR CAR IS SO MUCH MORE FUN 54 00:02:27,867 --> 00:02:29,827 THAN REBUILDING YOUR COMMUNITY. 55 00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:36,070 BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THERE IS A PRACTICAL REASON 56 00:02:36,067 --> 00:02:37,697 TO INSTALL HYDRAULICS. 57 00:02:37,733 --> 00:02:41,073 MONKEYS DO NOT HAVE SEX ON MY CAR. 58 00:02:41,067 --> 00:02:42,497 [monkey screeches] 59 00:02:42,533 --> 00:02:45,903 TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY. 60 00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:49,733 [monkey screeching] 61 00:02:49,767 --> 00:02:50,967 [laughing] 62 00:02:51,067 --> 00:02:53,527 I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW I WAS HALF CHOLO. 63 00:02:53,567 --> 00:02:55,067 ELBOWS OUT. 64 00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:01,500 IF YOU GIVE THE TEACHER IN THIS NEXT VIDEO AN APPLE, 65 00:03:01,533 --> 00:03:03,833 CHANCES ARE, HE'LL MAKE A BONG OUT OF IT. 66 00:03:03,867 --> 00:03:05,527 - * BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM * 67 00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:08,897 BOSTON'S A GREAT CITY. 68 00:03:08,933 --> 00:03:13,233 I LOVE TO GO TO OLD CHURCHES. 69 00:03:13,267 --> 00:03:15,667 GOD, I'M HAVING... 70 00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:19,070 MAJOR MEMORY LOSSES TODAY. 71 00:03:19,067 --> 00:03:20,867 GRAB THIS ONE. 72 00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:22,900 OKAY... 73 00:03:22,933 --> 00:03:24,833 [ooga horn] 74 00:03:24,867 --> 00:03:27,297 - I BET THAT'S WHERE DRE GOT HIS DOCTORATE. 75 00:03:30,533 --> 00:03:31,833 THE CLIP'S FUNNY IF YOU'RE STONED, 76 00:03:31,867 --> 00:03:34,527 EVEN FUNNIER IF YOUR PARENTS PAID FOR COLLEGE. 77 00:03:34,567 --> 00:03:36,497 ACTUALLY, IT'S PROBABLY ONE OF THE HARDER CLASSES 78 00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:38,303 AT ARIZONA STATE. 79 00:03:38,333 --> 00:03:39,733 THERE'S TWO RULES TO HIS CLASS: 80 00:03:39,767 --> 00:03:42,067 BE ON TIME AND BE COOL, BRO. 81 00:03:42,067 --> 00:03:43,197 BE COOL. 82 00:03:43,233 --> 00:03:44,803 I ACTUALLY AUDITED THAT CLASS. 83 00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:45,833 - BUT... 84 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:55,427 BOSTON'S A GREAT CITY. 85 00:03:55,467 --> 00:03:57,467 - IS THAT GONNA BE ON THE TEST? 86 00:03:57,500 --> 00:04:01,270 - UM, UH... BLAH-BLUH-BLUH-BLUH. 87 00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:04,570 - DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, MAN? 88 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:05,870 [laughing] 89 00:04:05,900 --> 00:04:10,100 - I LOVE TO GO TO OLD CHURCHES. 90 00:04:10,133 --> 00:04:12,073 - WEIRD. 91 00:04:12,067 --> 00:04:13,397 - CURSE WORDS. 92 00:04:13,433 --> 00:04:15,473 YOU READY FOR CURSE WORDS? 93 00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:16,930 - [bleep], YEAH! 94 00:04:16,967 --> 00:04:19,297 REMEMBER, KIDS. 95 00:04:19,333 --> 00:04:22,773 WEED IS AGAINST THE LAW. 96 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,500 BUT GETTING PISS DRUNK AND WALKING INTO A 7-11 97 00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:28,133 IS COMPLETELY LEGAL. 98 00:04:30,433 --> 00:04:33,073 HAVE YOU SEEN THIS? OHH. 99 00:04:33,067 --> 00:04:36,127 IT'S SO FUNNY WHEN DAVID HASSELHOFF GETS DRUNK 100 00:04:36,167 --> 00:04:39,197 BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW NO ONE'S AT RISK 101 00:04:39,233 --> 00:04:42,303 BECAUSE KITT CAN DRIVE HIMSELF. 102 00:04:42,333 --> 00:04:45,173 ALL RIGHT, LET'S PUT 20 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK 103 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:48,400 AND SEE HOW MANY FUNNY COMMENTS WE CAN POST. 104 00:04:48,433 --> 00:04:50,833 OBVIOUSLY, HE HAS A HISTORY OF BAD DECISIONS, 105 00:04:50,867 --> 00:04:53,727 STARTING WITH HIS PONY TAIL. 106 00:04:53,767 --> 00:04:57,897 A COUPLE APPLETINIS DOES THE EXACT SAME THING TO ME. 107 00:04:57,933 --> 00:04:59,233 HE'S NOT THAT DRUNK. 108 00:04:59,267 --> 00:05:03,427 HE JUST WALKED RIGHT PAST THOSE GAS STATION HOT DOGS. 109 00:05:03,467 --> 00:05:06,167 LOOKS LIKE HE'S GETTING HIS ASS KICKED BY A GHOST. 110 00:05:09,333 --> 00:05:10,433 PATRICK SWAYZE. 111 00:05:10,467 --> 00:05:11,767 [audience groans] 112 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,170 NO, NO, BUT PATRICK SWAYZE FROM ROADHOUSE. 113 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,130 [laughter] 114 00:05:16,167 --> 00:05:17,327 MAYBE HE GOT A FLU SHOT 115 00:05:17,367 --> 00:05:18,627 AND HIS BODY'S REACTING BADLY TO IT. 116 00:05:18,667 --> 00:05:20,167 [drumbeat] 117 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,230 HAVE YOU SEEN THAT VIDEO? GO TO YOUTUBE. 118 00:05:21,267 --> 00:05:22,497 CHECK IT OUT. 119 00:05:22,533 --> 00:05:25,073 DYSTONIA? UGH. HOT CHICK? THANKS. 120 00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:26,730 GUESS WHO'S NEVER GETTING A FLU SHOT AGAIN. 121 00:05:26,767 --> 00:05:29,927 ME! OR ANYONE I DATE. 122 00:05:29,967 --> 00:05:32,767 WALK BACKWARDS. 123 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,070 I'M SORRY, HOLD ON. 124 00:05:35,067 --> 00:05:36,367 WE HAVE TO INTERRUPT TOSH.0 125 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:37,530 FOR SOME BREAKING NEWS FROM CANADA. 126 00:05:37,567 --> 00:05:38,827 LET'S GO LIVE. 127 00:05:38,867 --> 00:05:40,867 - ALL RIGHT, SO I'VE GOT MY TRUSTY STOPWATCH, 128 00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:42,630 AND HERE THEY COME DOWN THE HILL. 129 00:05:42,667 --> 00:05:45,597 IT LOOKS LIKE RUBEN IS IN THE LEAD, AND HERE COMES AL-- 130 00:05:45,633 --> 00:05:48,403 [audience groans] 131 00:05:48,433 --> 00:05:50,173 - OHH, I'D WATCH NASCAR 132 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,970 IF THE ANNOUNCERS WOULD CALL IT FROM THE TRACK. 133 00:05:53,067 --> 00:05:55,967 LET'S LEARN HOW A SLED ALMOST TURNED THIS DAN RATHER WANNABE 134 00:05:56,067 --> 00:05:58,527 INTO A SNOW ANGEL IN THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN. 135 00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:01,667 [cheers and applause] 136 00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:05,070 OH! POOR ROB LETH. 137 00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:06,500 JUST A YOUNG CANADIAN REPORTER 138 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,733 WEARING A GIANT GOOSE DOWN PARKA. 139 00:06:08,767 --> 00:06:11,467 THERE'S NO SHORTAGE OF DANGEROUS ASSIGNMENT HE COULD GET-- 140 00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:12,770 THE WAR IN AFGHANISTAN, 141 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,600 THE DRUG CARTELS IN MEXICO, 142 00:06:14,633 --> 00:06:17,733 FIGURING OUT WHAT THAT CRAP IS ON SEAL'S FACE. 143 00:06:17,767 --> 00:06:19,067 [laughter and groans] 144 00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:21,230 BUT INSTEAD, HE DOES A PUFF PIECE 145 00:06:21,267 --> 00:06:22,797 ABOUT AN INNER TUBE RACE. 146 00:06:22,833 --> 00:06:26,503 WHY? BECAUSE THE PUBLIC HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW. 147 00:06:26,533 --> 00:06:28,673 - ALL RIGHT, SO I'VE GOT MY TRUSTY STOPWATCH, 148 00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:30,670 AND HERE THEY COME DOWN THE HILL. 149 00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:33,330 - STARTS OUT LIKE ANY OTHER NEWS DAY IN CANADA-- 150 00:06:33,367 --> 00:06:36,127 SLOW. 151 00:06:36,167 --> 00:06:37,227 I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW ROB'S 152 00:06:37,267 --> 00:06:38,927 GONNA USE HIS TRUSTY STOPWATCH 153 00:06:38,967 --> 00:06:41,167 WITH MITTENS ON. 154 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,900 - IT LOOKS LIKE RUBEN IS IN THE LEAD, 155 00:06:42,933 --> 00:06:43,973 AND HERE COMES AL-- 156 00:06:44,067 --> 00:06:46,467 - RUBEN IS CLOSING IN QUICK. 157 00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:49,270 MOVE, BITCH. GET OUT THE WAY. 158 00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:52,970 GET OUT THE WAY, BITCH. GET OUT THE WAY. 159 00:06:53,067 --> 00:06:55,667 THIS IS JUST LIKE THAT FAKE KOBE BRYANT COMMERCIAL. 160 00:06:57,433 --> 00:06:58,833 OH, MAN. 161 00:06:58,867 --> 00:07:02,567 HEY, KOBE, NEXT TIME, TRY IT OVER A BUS. 162 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:06,570 THAT'S PULLING AN RV. 163 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,700 THAT'S CONNECTED TO A WOOD CHIPPER. 164 00:07:08,733 --> 00:07:10,773 [laughter and applause] 165 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,370 ALL RIGHT, BACK TO THE VIDEO. 166 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,230 OH! HE DROPS THE STOPWATCH. 167 00:07:15,267 --> 00:07:16,967 OH, NO, NOW WE'RE NEVER GONNA FIND OUT 168 00:07:17,067 --> 00:07:19,527 IF RUBEN HAS THE COURSE RECORD. 169 00:07:19,567 --> 00:07:21,897 BUT HE DID PULL OFF THE BACKSIDE RODEO FLIP. 170 00:07:21,933 --> 00:07:24,103 GOOD THING THEY HAVE FREE HEALTH CARE IN CANADA. 171 00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:26,433 SHOW IT AGAIN. 172 00:07:26,467 --> 00:07:27,797 UNH! 173 00:07:27,833 --> 00:07:30,573 AT LEAST THE FLIP PUT ROB'S HOOD ON HIS HEAD FOR HIM. 174 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,370 IT'S PROBABLY HIS DEAD MOTHER SAYING, 175 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,770 "BUNDLE UP, SON. I STILL LOVE YOU." 176 00:07:36,767 --> 00:07:39,967 THOSE WERE BUTTERFLY KISSES. 177 00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:41,267 ALL RIGHT, ONE MORE TIME, 178 00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:43,600 JUST IN CASE ROB IS WATCHING FROM HIS WHEELCHAIR. 179 00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:47,103 CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY. 180 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,073 ANDERSON COOPER'S BEEN SEARCHING HIS WHOLE CAREER 181 00:07:49,067 --> 00:07:52,727 FOR A STORY WHERE GETS NAILED BY A YOUNG MAN. 182 00:07:52,767 --> 00:07:54,597 WAS THAT BELOW THE WAIST? 183 00:07:54,633 --> 00:07:56,173 - THAT WAS A BAD IDEA. 184 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,970 - WRONG, THAT WAS A GREAT IDEA. 185 00:07:59,067 --> 00:08:02,927 - AT RIVERSIDE PARK, ROB LETH, GLOBAL NEWS. 186 00:08:02,967 --> 00:08:04,297 - AND, LIKE ANY TRUE PROFESSIONAL, 187 00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:06,073 ROB MANAGED TO FIGHT THROUGH THE INTERNAL BLEEDING 188 00:08:06,067 --> 00:08:07,497 LONG ENOUGH TO SIGN OFF, 189 00:08:07,533 --> 00:08:09,773 AND FOR THAT, WE THANK YOU. 190 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,100 [cheers and applause] 191 00:08:11,133 --> 00:08:12,773 COMING UP, WE GIVE THE TRAMPLED CHEERLEADER 192 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,230 A WEB REDEMPTION. 193 00:08:14,267 --> 00:08:17,597 BUT FIRST, HERE'S YOUR URBAN DICTIONARY WORD OF THE DAY. 194 00:08:34,433 --> 00:08:37,133 [cheers and applause] 195 00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:38,697 [audience groans] 196 00:08:38,733 --> 00:08:40,073 [scattered laughter] 197 00:08:40,067 --> 00:08:42,827 - IT'S NOT FUNNY. 198 00:08:42,867 --> 00:08:44,667 SHE'S GONNA BE OUT FOUR TO SIX WEEKS 199 00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:47,470 WITH A BROKEN SPIRIT. 200 00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:49,370 READY? OKAY! 201 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:53,430 CHEERLEADERS ACCOUNT FOR OVER 60% 202 00:08:53,467 --> 00:08:55,797 OF ALL FEMALE HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS INJURIES. 203 00:08:55,833 --> 00:08:57,073 TRUE STAT. 204 00:08:57,067 --> 00:08:59,267 IT ALSO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR OVER 85% 205 00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:01,830 OF ALL HIGH SCHOOL PREGNANCIES. 206 00:09:01,867 --> 00:09:04,227 MADE UP STAT. 207 00:09:04,267 --> 00:09:06,667 I'M ALL FOR GIRLS SLUTTING UP ON THE SIDELINES, 208 00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:08,130 BUT THESE DAYS, THERE'S ONLY ONE LADY 209 00:09:08,167 --> 00:09:10,067 I WANT TO SEE IN A SKIMPY OUTFIT ON THE FIELD. 210 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:14,130 * DA DA DUN, DA DA DUN * 211 00:09:14,167 --> 00:09:16,297 THE TRUTH IS CHEERLEADING IS PRETTY MUCH 212 00:09:16,333 --> 00:09:17,773 ONLY GOOD FOR ONE THING. 213 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,500 AND THAT'S TEACHING GIRLS WITH SMALL BOOBS 214 00:09:19,533 --> 00:09:23,903 HOW TO MAKE UP FOR IT BY BEING REALLY FLEXIBLE. 215 00:09:23,933 --> 00:09:25,873 DO WE NEED CHEERLEADERS? 216 00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:28,770 IS ANYONE CONFUSED ABOUT THE APPROPRIATE TIME TO CHEER? 217 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,070 I KNOW WHO TO ROOT FOR. 218 00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:31,900 THAT'S WHY I TEASE THE LINE DOWN TO THREE 219 00:09:31,933 --> 00:09:34,203 AN PUT A GRAND ON INDY TO COVER. 220 00:09:34,233 --> 00:09:37,133 AND STOP YELLING AT THE PLAYERS TO BE AGGRESSIVE. 221 00:09:37,167 --> 00:09:39,227 "BE-BE AGGRESSIVE." 222 00:09:39,267 --> 00:09:40,867 I'M PRETTY SURE THE COACH PASSED ALONG 223 00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:44,370 THAT LITTLE STRATEGIC NUGGET BACK IN THE LOCKER ROOM. 224 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,630 YOU'RE THERE TO LOOK HOT DURING TIME OUTS. 225 00:09:46,667 --> 00:09:47,697 UNLESS YOU'RE A BASE. 226 00:09:47,733 --> 00:09:48,973 THEN YOU NEED TO BE THICK ENOUGH 227 00:09:49,067 --> 00:09:51,167 TO HOLD UP THE HOT CHEERLEADERS 228 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:55,500 SO WE CAN SEE THEM BETTER AND PRETEND YOU'RE NOT THERE. 229 00:09:55,533 --> 00:09:57,673 SURE, CHEERLEADERS CAN BE ANNOYING, 230 00:09:57,700 --> 00:10:00,270 BUT NO ONE DESERVES TO GET TRAMPED BY A FOOTBALL TEAM, 231 00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:01,600 EXCEPT MAYBE THIS GUY. 232 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:06,500 OHH...THERE'S ONLY ONE OCTOBER, 233 00:10:06,533 --> 00:10:07,973 AND, THANKS TO YOUR INCESSANT PROMOS, 234 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,870 MINE WAS RUINED. 235 00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,500 BUT CALI THE CHEERLEADER DOESN'T HAVE 236 00:10:11,533 --> 00:10:13,703 AN UNWATCHABLE TALK SHOW THAT FEELS LIKE A STREET PARTY 237 00:10:13,733 --> 00:10:16,473 IN A BAD NEIGHBORHOOD. 238 00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:19,530 SO WE INVITED HER TO JOIN THE TOSH.0 SQUAD 239 00:10:19,567 --> 00:10:20,927 FOR ANOTHER CHANCE TO WORK IT-- 240 00:10:20,967 --> 00:10:22,327 HEY, HEY, YEAH, WORK IT-- 241 00:10:22,367 --> 00:10:24,127 IN THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION. 242 00:10:24,167 --> 00:10:27,127 [cheers and applause] 243 00:10:27,167 --> 00:10:29,027 - CALI. 244 00:10:29,067 --> 00:10:30,697 OH, HO HO! 245 00:10:30,733 --> 00:10:33,203 RUN THROUGH. 246 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,473 - AAH! 247 00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:38,130 - TELL ME ABOUT THAT INFAMOUS NIGHT. 248 00:10:38,167 --> 00:10:39,597 - UH, IT WAS HOMECOMING NIGHT. 249 00:10:39,633 --> 00:10:42,573 AND OUR CHEER TEAM WAS HOLDING UP THE BANNER 250 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,830 FOR THE RUN THROUGH. 251 00:10:43,867 --> 00:10:44,927 THERE WASN'T ANY HOLES. 252 00:10:44,967 --> 00:10:46,467 LIKE, USUALLY, WHEN YOU MAKE A SIGN, 253 00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:47,470 YOU LIKE RIP HOLES IN IT AND STUFF, 254 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:48,500 SO THAT WHEN THEY RUN THROUGH, 255 00:10:48,533 --> 00:10:49,773 IT'S EASIER, LIKE, TO BREAK. 256 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:50,970 - GOT IT. AND IT WAS NOT? 257 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,330 - SO IT RIPS EASIER. NO, AND SO-- 258 00:10:52,367 --> 00:10:53,967 - SO WERE YOU PERFORATING AT THE LAST MINUTE? 259 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,230 - I WAS PERFORATING AT THE LAST MINUTE, YES. 260 00:10:56,267 --> 00:10:57,497 - THAT SEEMS LIKE AN AWFUL IDEA. 261 00:10:57,533 --> 00:10:59,103 YOU DO KNOW THAT FOOTBALL PLAYERS 262 00:11:02,133 --> 00:11:03,133 - YEAH. - YEAH. 263 00:11:03,167 --> 00:11:04,427 - SO THEY HAD NO CLUE YOU WERE THERE. 264 00:11:04,467 --> 00:11:05,627 - BUT THEY WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO COME OUT YET. 265 00:11:05,667 --> 00:11:08,067 THEY WERE--THEY WERE PREMATURE ON THEIR-- 266 00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:09,327 - TYPICAL HIGH SCHOOL KIDS. 267 00:11:09,367 --> 00:11:10,397 - RIGHT. 268 00:11:10,433 --> 00:11:11,573 [both laughing] 269 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:12,930 - WAS THE DANCE THAT NIGHT? 270 00:11:12,967 --> 00:11:14,327 - IT WAS THE NEXT NIGHT. 271 00:11:14,367 --> 00:11:15,727 - DID YOU HAVE SEX? 272 00:11:15,767 --> 00:11:18,067 - [laughs] I'M NOT GONNA ANSWER THAT QUESTION. 273 00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:20,070 - I DID NOT HAVE SEX. - YOU DIDN'T? 274 00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:21,570 - BECAUSE I SIGNED A PAPER 275 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,630 PROMISING MY COMMUNITY 276 00:11:23,667 --> 00:11:25,327 THAT I WOULD NOT HAVE SEX. 277 00:11:25,367 --> 00:11:28,797 BUT I HAD MY LAWYER PUT A REVISION IN THE CONTRACT 278 00:11:28,833 --> 00:11:30,703 THAT I COULD [bleep] BLAST SOMEONE. 279 00:11:30,733 --> 00:11:31,733 - OH, MY GOD. 280 00:11:31,767 --> 00:11:33,367 - HUH? 281 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:34,900 - DID YOU EVER GO TO THE INNER CITY 282 00:11:34,933 --> 00:11:37,103 TO STEAL CHEERS FROM THE BLACK SCHOOLS? 283 00:11:37,133 --> 00:11:40,573 - [laughing] 284 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,670 WE WERE THE BLACK SCHOOL. 285 00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:43,970 - OHH! 286 00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:45,067 YOU GUYS WERE THE ONES 287 00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:46,200 THAT WERE DOING ALL THE SLUTTY STUFF 288 00:11:46,233 --> 00:11:47,633 AND SHAKING YOUR ASSES. 289 00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:48,797 - DUH. 290 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,903 - WHAT DID CHEERLEADING TEACH YOU ABOUT LIFE? 291 00:11:54,433 --> 00:11:55,473 - NOTHIN'. 292 00:11:57,167 --> 00:11:58,827 - ALL RIGHT, LET ME FINISH PAINTING THIS AWFUL THING, 293 00:11:58,867 --> 00:12:00,167 AND WE'LL GET OUT ON THE FIELD. 294 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,730 GET YOU PROPERLY TRAINED 295 00:12:02,767 --> 00:12:04,597 TO RELIVE THAT MAGICAL MOMENT. 296 00:12:04,633 --> 00:12:06,333 [blows whistle] 297 00:12:06,367 --> 00:12:08,767 HE-HEY! HOW ARE YOU? 298 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:10,300 WE GOTTA WORK ON YOUR ABILITY 299 00:12:10,333 --> 00:12:11,703 TO DODGE PEOPLE 300 00:12:11,733 --> 00:12:13,333 AND MAYBE PUT A HURTIN' ON THEM. 301 00:12:13,367 --> 00:12:15,227 STEP TO THE SIDE, TAKE 'EM DOWN LIKE THAT--CLOTHESLINE. 302 00:12:15,267 --> 00:12:16,327 - OKAY. - ALL RIGHT? 303 00:12:16,367 --> 00:12:17,497 THEY'RE COMING AT YOU. 304 00:12:17,533 --> 00:12:18,803 BOOT TO FACE. 305 00:12:18,833 --> 00:12:20,073 OKAY, THAT'S HOGAN'S. 306 00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:22,200 COME ON, CALI! COME ON, CALI! 307 00:12:22,233 --> 00:12:24,203 COME ON! 308 00:12:24,233 --> 00:12:26,273 LET'S GO, SALLY. - I DON'T... 309 00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:27,870 - REALLY? 310 00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:29,830 [whistle blows] TWO. 311 00:12:29,867 --> 00:12:31,867 [whistle blows] THREE. 312 00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,600 WORK ON VISUALIZATION. 313 00:12:33,633 --> 00:12:35,903 - I'M GONNA VISUALIZE. 314 00:12:35,933 --> 00:12:39,073 - VISUALIZE YOURSELF NOT GETTING TRAMPLED. 315 00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:41,530 CAN YOU DO THIS WITH GUM? 316 00:12:41,567 --> 00:12:43,897 - [laughing] PROBABLY. 317 00:12:43,933 --> 00:12:45,133 - [sighs] 318 00:12:45,167 --> 00:12:47,067 WHAT'S THE FIVE-SECOND RULE ON THAT? 319 00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:48,067 LET'S GO. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. 320 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,100 LET'S GO, LET'S GET CHANGED. 321 00:12:49,133 --> 00:12:51,133 A LITTLE HUSTLE OUT OF YOU. 322 00:12:51,167 --> 00:12:53,197 THAT'S WHY YOU GOT TRAMPLED IN THE FIRST PLACE. 323 00:12:53,233 --> 00:12:55,273 OKAY, CALI, THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW, 324 00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:56,670 ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT? 325 00:12:56,700 --> 00:12:58,330 - I'M READY. 326 00:12:58,367 --> 00:13:00,127 - YAY! - OKAY. 327 00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:05,727 ALL RIGHT. 328 00:13:05,767 --> 00:13:07,497 - OH, WAIT! - WAIT, CALI! 329 00:13:07,533 --> 00:13:10,533 [sound slowed] NOOOO! 330 00:13:10,567 --> 00:13:14,197 [crowd cheering] 331 00:13:14,233 --> 00:13:17,203 [suspenseful music] 332 00:13:17,233 --> 00:13:24,803 * 333 00:13:24,833 --> 00:13:31,573 [sound slowed] CALI, NOOO! 334 00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:37,100 NOOOO! 335 00:13:39,433 --> 00:13:42,403 [cheers and applause] 336 00:13:42,433 --> 00:13:45,133 IT DIDN'T EVEN FEEL CLOSE, DID IT? 337 00:13:45,167 --> 00:13:46,697 BY THE WAY, WE LOST THAT GAME, 338 00:13:46,733 --> 00:13:48,673 BUT IT WASN'T BECAUSE OF OUR CHEERING. 339 00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:50,530 IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN BECAUSE WE ONLY HAD ENOUGH MONEY 340 00:13:50,567 --> 00:13:52,927 TO DRESS SIX PLAYERS. 341 00:13:52,967 --> 00:13:55,727 BUT THAT DIDN'T STOP US FROM CELEBRATING. 342 00:14:17,233 --> 00:14:19,103 [laughter and applause] 343 00:14:19,133 --> 00:14:20,633 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 344 00:14:20,667 --> 00:14:23,127 BUT FIRST, HERE'S YOUR PRANK OF THE WEEK, 345 00:14:23,167 --> 00:14:25,927 WHICH I'M TOLD NOW HAS A NEW SPONSOR. 346 00:14:25,967 --> 00:14:29,797 THIS SHOW IS A CASH COW, EXECUTIVES AT COMEDY CENTRAL 347 00:14:29,833 --> 00:14:31,233 THAT ARE STILL ON THE FENCE ABOUT PICKING US UP 348 00:14:31,267 --> 00:14:33,367 FOR A SEASON TWO. 349 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:36,070 male announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE PRANK OF THE WEEK. 350 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:45,700 - THAT REALLY HURT. 351 00:14:45,733 --> 00:14:47,833 AAH! [bleep]! 352 00:14:47,867 --> 00:14:49,067 JESS! 353 00:14:49,067 --> 00:14:50,297 announcer: AND THAT WAS THE PRANK OF THE WEEK, 354 00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:52,133 BROUGHT TO YOU BY HTC. 355 00:14:52,167 --> 00:14:53,297 YOU DON'T NEED TO GET A PHONE. 356 00:14:53,333 --> 00:14:54,873 YOU NEED A PHONE THAT GETS YOU. 357 00:14:57,233 --> 00:15:00,603 - [woman speaking German] 358 00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:06,500 [audience laughing] 359 00:15:13,233 --> 00:15:14,533 - SAY WHAT YOU WILL, 360 00:15:14,567 --> 00:15:17,067 BUT THOSE GUYS KNOW HOW TO HAVE A GOOD TIME. 361 00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:19,200 THEY LOVE RECREATIONAL ACTIVITIES. 362 00:15:19,233 --> 00:15:22,333 MAYBE THAT'S WHY THEY WANTED TO CLEAR OUT POLAND. 363 00:15:22,367 --> 00:15:26,897 SO THEY CAN HAVE MORE ROOM TO PLAY FRISBEE. 364 00:15:26,933 --> 00:15:29,073 ALL RIGHT, AND NOW IT'S TIME 365 00:15:29,067 --> 00:15:32,497 FOR REAL OR FAKE! 366 00:15:32,533 --> 00:15:34,173 [laughter] 367 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,070 THAT'S WHERE WE TAKE A VIDEO FROM THE INTERNET 368 00:15:36,067 --> 00:15:38,797 AND TELL YOU IF WHAT HAPPENS IN IT IS REAL... 369 00:15:38,833 --> 00:15:40,333 audience: OR FAKE! 370 00:15:40,367 --> 00:15:43,067 - THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DIP-[bleep]. 371 00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:45,630 IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. 372 00:15:45,667 --> 00:15:47,427 LET'S LOOK AT TODAY'S CONTENDER. 373 00:15:47,467 --> 00:15:49,667 [water bubbling] 374 00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:51,700 - UNH! OH! 375 00:15:51,733 --> 00:15:54,073 - HOLY [bleep]! 376 00:15:54,067 --> 00:15:56,527 [audience groaning] 377 00:15:56,567 --> 00:15:57,967 [Daniel chuckles] 378 00:15:58,067 --> 00:15:59,797 - THIS ISN'T REAL. 379 00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:04,373 WE ALL KNOW WOMEN DON'T POO. 380 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:05,930 BUT I HAVE A LONGER VERSION 381 00:16:05,967 --> 00:16:08,667 THAT WILL PROVIDE EVERYONE WITH ALL THE ANSWERS. 382 00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:10,700 - HOLY [bleep]! 383 00:16:16,067 --> 00:16:17,967 - OH. WHERE'S EVERYBODY HEADED? 384 00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:20,227 OH, MY GOODNESS! 385 00:16:20,267 --> 00:16:21,797 OH, YEAH, THAT'S HOT. 386 00:16:21,833 --> 00:16:23,173 HOT! 387 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:25,570 OH, GOOD ONE. IT'S FAKE. 388 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,100 O'BRIEN, GET IN HERE. 389 00:16:27,133 --> 00:16:29,373 IT'S FAKE. IT'S NOT REAL. 390 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:32,100 IT'S HOT, THOUGH. WHEW! REAL HOT. 391 00:16:32,133 --> 00:16:35,333 WHOO, MAN. OH. 392 00:16:35,367 --> 00:16:37,267 AH! OH! 393 00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:39,430 [laughing] 394 00:16:39,467 --> 00:16:42,467 - STOP! STOP! I'M REALLY GONNA [bleep]. 395 00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:45,530 I'M GONNA [bleep]! - OH! OH! 396 00:16:45,567 --> 00:16:47,227 [audience groans and laughs] 397 00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:49,827 - MY BAD. 398 00:16:52,067 --> 00:16:54,567 - WAS THAT THE LEAD SINGER OF RADIOHEAD? 399 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:58,100 THOM YORKE, WHO KIND OF LOOKS LIKE HIM? 400 00:16:58,133 --> 00:16:59,503 IF YOU WERE BLOWN AWAY 401 00:16:59,533 --> 00:17:01,303 BY THOSE SPECIAL EFFECTS FROM THE BIT, 402 00:17:01,333 --> 00:17:03,503 YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW WE STOLE THE GRAPHIC DESIGNER 403 00:17:03,533 --> 00:17:06,633 FROM JAMES CAMERON'S AVATAR. 404 00:17:06,667 --> 00:17:09,767 MONEY WELL SPENT. [chuckles] 405 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:13,630 IF YOU HAVE A FUNNY VIDEO, GO TO COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0 406 00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:14,967 AND UPLOAD IT FOR A CHANCE 407 00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:16,567 TO BE OUR VIEWER VIDEO OF THE WEEK. 408 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:20,300 THIS WEEK'S WINNER IS DUTCH WEST ON ATOM.COM. 409 00:17:20,333 --> 00:17:22,633 [woman making announcement over P.A.] 410 00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,867 - WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM? 411 00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:27,200 - I THROW UP WHEN I GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT ANYTHING. 412 00:17:27,233 --> 00:17:29,133 - WHEN DID THIS BEGIN? 413 00:17:29,167 --> 00:17:31,827 - UM, I GUESS IT REALLY STARTED--UGH! 414 00:17:31,867 --> 00:17:33,867 [audience groans and laughs] 415 00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:35,130 - THANKS, GUYS. 416 00:17:35,167 --> 00:17:37,597 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE KID NOTORIOUS. 417 00:17:43,667 --> 00:17:45,297 [cheers and applause] 418 00:17:45,333 --> 00:17:47,433 - WELCOME BACK. DO YOU HAVE YOUR PAJAMAS ON? 419 00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:50,627 I DO! 420 00:17:50,667 --> 00:17:52,167 SINCE I'M IN SHOW BIZ, 421 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,530 AND I KNOW VIRTUALLY EVERY CELEBRITY-- 422 00:17:54,567 --> 00:17:56,967 BILL ALLEN? YEAH, HE'S IN MY CELL PHONE. 423 00:17:57,067 --> 00:17:59,097 I ASKED YOU TO SEND ME TWITTER QUESTIONS 424 00:17:59,133 --> 00:18:00,333 ABOUT FAMOUS PEOPLE, 425 00:18:00,367 --> 00:18:02,267 AND NOW I'M GONNA ANSWER THEM. 426 00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:04,100 HOPEFULLY WHEN TWITTER'S DEAD IN A MONTH OR TWO 427 00:18:04,133 --> 00:18:05,903 WE WON'T HAVE TO DO THIS SEGMENT ANYMORE. 428 00:18:05,933 --> 00:18:08,303 [audience laughs] 429 00:18:08,333 --> 00:18:10,573 ALL RIGHT, THIS QUESTION I GOT A LOT OF VARIATIONS OF. 430 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:15,430 "DOES LADY GAGA ACTUALLY HAVE A DISCOSTICK, I.E: PENIS?" 431 00:18:15,467 --> 00:18:18,097 I ACTUALLY ASKED HER, 432 00:18:18,133 --> 00:18:19,473 BUT I COULDN'T TELL IF SHE WAS LYING 433 00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:21,970 BECAUSE SHE HAS A GREAT P-P-P-POKER FACE. 434 00:18:22,067 --> 00:18:24,967 [laughs] SHE'S--WELL-- 435 00:18:25,067 --> 00:18:26,197 ALL RIGHT. 436 00:18:26,233 --> 00:18:27,833 "HOW DOES A NOT SO FUNNY DOUCHE 437 00:18:27,867 --> 00:18:30,227 GET HIS OWN SHOW ON COMEDY CENTRAL?" 438 00:18:30,267 --> 00:18:31,867 OKAY, THAT'S NOT VERY NICE. 439 00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:34,800 DEMETRI MARTIN IS A WONDERFUL PERSON. 440 00:18:34,833 --> 00:18:36,903 I DON'T APPRECIATE YOU IMPLYING THAT. 441 00:18:36,933 --> 00:18:38,973 [laughter and applause] 442 00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:40,667 "IF YOU WERE LOOKED UP IN A ROOM 443 00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:42,530 "WITH BOB SAGET AND HITLER 444 00:18:42,567 --> 00:18:44,427 "AND YOU HAD A GUN WITH ONE BULLET, 445 00:18:44,467 --> 00:18:46,067 WHO WOULD YOU SHOOT?" 446 00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:47,430 OKAY, THAT IS NOT EASY. 447 00:18:47,467 --> 00:18:48,827 I WOULD PROBABLY TAKE HITLER'S HEAD 448 00:18:48,867 --> 00:18:50,097 AND PUT IT NEXT TO SAGET'S, 449 00:18:50,133 --> 00:18:52,073 PULL THE TRIGGER, KILLING HITLER FIRST. 450 00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:53,800 HOPEFULLY THE BULLET HAS ENOUGH SPEED 451 00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,503 TO ALSO KILL BOB SAGET. 452 00:18:55,533 --> 00:19:00,303 IF NOT KILL HIM, AT LEAST ALTER HIS PERSONALITY GREATLY. 453 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,770 HEH HEH HEH! 454 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:09,530 BY SLEEPING, DO YOU MEAN POUND TOWN? 455 00:19:09,567 --> 00:19:11,767 ALEC IS UNGETTABLE. AGREED. 456 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:14,170 STEPHEN'S A JESUS FREAK. IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. 457 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:17,370 DANIEL... I'M NO CHUBBY CHASER. 458 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:20,600 THAT LEAVES US WITH BILLY. YES, BILLY. 459 00:19:20,633 --> 00:19:22,973 YOU WERE SO FANTASTIC IN SLIVER. 460 00:19:23,067 --> 00:19:25,897 YOU IN THE BED IS LIKE WATCHING A CHEETAH 461 00:19:25,933 --> 00:19:29,073 PREY ON SOMETHING LESS THAN A CHEETAH. 462 00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:31,227 [audience laughs] 463 00:19:31,267 --> 00:19:36,097 OH! MY AD LIB SKILLS ARE SHARP TONIGHT, BOYS. 464 00:19:39,167 --> 00:19:41,367 WELL, ANYONE WHO HAS SEEN ENCINO MAN 465 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,300 KNOWS HE GETS A LIFETIME PASS. 466 00:19:43,333 --> 00:19:45,773 IS THAT--THAT IS THE GREATEST MOVE EVER. 467 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,400 OH, MAN, HOLY COW! 468 00:19:47,433 --> 00:19:51,073 DID YOU KNOW THEY'RE RUNNING THE VAPOR IN REVERSE? 469 00:19:54,700 --> 00:19:57,570 OH! PAM IS A SAD, SAD MONSTER 470 00:19:57,600 --> 00:19:59,500 AT THIS STAGE OF HER LIFE. 471 00:19:59,533 --> 00:20:02,633 THAT BEING SAID, I'D MOTORBOAT THE [bleep] OUT OF THEM. 472 00:20:02,667 --> 00:20:04,727 [laughter and applause] 473 00:20:08,467 --> 00:20:09,627 HO HO HO HO! 474 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,897 IS THAT YOU, ARN ANDERSON? 475 00:20:11,933 --> 00:20:15,133 THE FOUR HORSEMEN HAVE FALLEN, MY FRIEND. 476 00:20:15,167 --> 00:20:17,067 OH. 477 00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:20,070 AM I STILL WEARING THIS? 478 00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:22,300 OH. IT'S SO UGLY! 479 00:20:22,333 --> 00:20:24,573 [applause] I KNOW! 480 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,500 I'M SURPRISED IT DOESN'T HAVE MITTENS ATTACHED. 481 00:20:31,333 --> 00:20:34,333 WE NEED MORE MONEY. 482 00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:37,097 BE SURE TO JOIN US NEXT WEEK FOR OUR SEASON FINALE 483 00:20:37,133 --> 00:20:39,433 WHEN WE GIVE WEB REDEMPTIONS TO MICHAEL RICHARDS 484 00:20:39,467 --> 00:20:40,967 AND THE STAR WARS KID. 485 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:44,630 PLUS BARD PITT AND DAVID BECKHAM LIVE ON THIS STAGE. 486 00:20:44,667 --> 00:20:47,367 LINEUP SUBJECT TO CHANGE. 487 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,070 REMEMBER TO FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER 488 00:20:49,100 --> 00:20:50,870 SO WE CAN LIVE CHAT DURING THE SHOW. 489 00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:53,030 AND MAKE SURE YOU CHECK OUT MY TOUR SCHEDULE. 490 00:20:53,067 --> 00:20:55,327 GO TO OUR WEB SITE TO SEE EXTENDED INTERVIEWS 491 00:20:55,367 --> 00:20:56,667 FROM OUR WEB REDEMPTIONS 492 00:20:56,700 --> 00:20:58,570 AND FOLLOW OUR DAILY BLOG. 493 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:00,670 THANKS, EVERYBODY FOR MAKING JEFF DUNHAM 494 00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:02,830 COMEDY CENTRAL'S NUMBER ONE SHOW. 495 00:21:02,867 --> 00:21:04,797 SEE YOU NEXT WEEK. GOOD NIGHT. 496 00:21:04,833 --> 00:21:07,833 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 497 00:21:13,433 --> 00:21:15,203 - TEACH YOU A CHEER? - SURE. 498 00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:17,073 - OKAY. WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? 499 00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:18,697 - GIVE ME ONE-- GIVE ME ONE-- 500 00:21:18,733 --> 00:21:19,933 DID YOU EVER DO THE COOKIE MONSTER? 501 00:21:19,967 --> 00:21:21,667 - WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? 502 00:21:21,700 --> 00:21:23,070 - * THE COOKIE MONSTER SAYS 503 00:21:23,067 --> 00:21:24,727 * THAT THE TROJANS ARE 504 00:21:24,767 --> 00:21:25,927 [deep voice] * THE GREAT BIG COOKIES 505 00:21:25,967 --> 00:21:27,197 * AT THE TOP OF THE JAR 506 00:21:27,233 --> 00:21:28,903 * THE COOKIE MONSTER SAYS 507 00:21:28,933 --> 00:21:30,703 * THAT THE COUGARS ARE 508 00:21:30,733 --> 00:21:31,873 [high-pitched voice] * THE ITTY BITTY CRUMBS 509 00:21:31,900 --> 00:21:33,970 * AT THE BOTTOM OF THE JAR, WHOO * 510 00:21:34,067 --> 00:21:35,867 - NO, BUT I WISH WE WOULD'VE KNOWN THAT. 511 00:21:35,900 --> 00:21:38,230 I LIKE THAT ONE. - DID YOU DO U-G-L-Y? 512 00:21:38,267 --> 00:21:41,897 - [laughing] NO! - NO? 35829

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