Original subtitles

- [speaking Italian]

- OH!

[upbeat music]

*

[cheers and applause]

- THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT.

[applause]

THAT'S A SHAME.

HEY, HE MAY HAVE SCREWED UP THE DIVE,

BUT HE LOOKS FANTASTIC IN A SPEEDO.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH OUR SHOW.

IF YOU SEE A SEXY ITALIAN GUY ON A DIVING BOARD,

YOU KNOW IT'S NOT GONNA GO WELL.

BUT WHAT YOU COULDN'T SEE IS THAT HE'S A SYNCHRONIZED DIVER,

AND THE GUY NEXT TO HIM DID THE EXACT SAME THING.

CAN WE SEE THE WIDE SHOT?

YEAH. LOOKS LIKE CHINA WILL BE DIVING FOR SECOND.

WELCOME TO TOSH.0. I'M YOUR HOST, LANE KIFFIN.

[laughter]

PEOPLE ONLINE SAY I LOOK LIKE HIM.

I DON'T SEE IT.

AND I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T DISRESPECT FLORIDA.

OHH.

THAT'S BECAUSE I'M NOT A LOSER.

IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK ON THE AIR.

WE HAD A NICE MANDATORY VACATION.

YOU MIGHT HAVE NOTICED THAT I'VE UPGRADED TO CARDIGANS.

THAT'S RIGHT, NO MORE HOODIES.

I'M WEARING NOTHING BUT TIGHT-FITTING CARDIGANS

LIKE I'M MR. [bleep] ROGERS.

GET USED TO IT.

ON TODAY'S SHOW,

WE GIVE THE TRON GUY A MUCH-NEEDED WEB REDEMPTION.

I LEARN NOT EVERYONE LOVES

A "MACHO MAN" RANDY SAVAGE IMPRESSION.

WE TALK TO YOUTUBE SENSATION FRED.

AND IF THERE'S TIME,

WE'LL TAKE BETS ON THE NEXT CELEBRITY SUICIDE.

[liquid gushing]

YOU HEAR THAT? I'D KNOW THAT SOUND ANYWHERE.

IT'S OPRAH PEEING.

YEAH, I'M TOLD SOMEONE LOOPED THIS VIDEO,

BUT I BELIEVE SHE REALLY HAD TO GO SUPER BAD.

AND YOU DON'T WANT TO HOLD IT. THAT CAN LEAD TO A U.T.I.

FACT--URINARY TRACT INFECTIONS ARE NO JOKE.

MY RECOMMENDATION-- A LOT OF CRANBERRY JUICE.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEXY UP THE SHOW.

[lively music]

*

I GUESS DANCING AT SPRING BREAK WAS ON HER BUCKET LIST.

OHH...

LET'S PUT 20 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK

AND SEE HOW MANY FUNNY COMMENTS WE CAN POST.

FINALLY, A WHITE CHICK BLACK GUYS DON'T WANT.

MY BEER GOGGLES NEED BEER GOGGLES.

SHE CAN MAKE HER C-SECTION CLAP.

WHATEVER. THE OLDER THE BERRY, THE SWEETER THE JUICE...

PRUNE JUICE.

THE UPSIDE TO BANGING HER

IS SHE PROBABLY CAN'T GET PREGNANT ANYMORE.

OH, SPRING BREAK. SENIORS RULE!

ALL RIGHT, PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THIS NEXT VIDEO,

BECAUSE IT IS ONE OF MY PERSONAL FAVORITES.

[whooping]

- MOTHER[bleep]! TAKE DAT!

[overlapping screaming]

GOING TO D'JAIS IN MY CAR! B-E-L...

- M-A-R!

[dance music playing]

- BABY BLUE, I SEE YOU IN TWO WEEKS!

BABY BLUE!

- YOU GOTTA BE SMILING. YOU GOTTA BE DANCING.

YOU GOTTA BE SHAKING THAT ASS!

- YOU BETTER STEP IT UP, MOTHER[bleep]!

- OH...I MISS BEING 37.

I BET THE ENTIRE CARPOOL LANE SMELLS LIKE AXE BODY SPRAY.

YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I LOVE THIS VIDEO SO MUCH?

BECAUSE IT REMINDS ME OF WHEN ME AND MY FRIENDS

HEAD TO THE JERSEY SHORE.

- NOW WE'RE TALKIN' VIDEO STATUS.

WHOA! - WHOA!

- MOTHER[bleep] DJs!

- WHO'S THAT DJ, BOY?

- WOW! I'M READY!

[laughter]

- ARE...YOU...READY?

- GOING TO D'JAIS IN MY CAR.

B-E-L! - M-A-R!

- WHOO.

- YO, THAT'S WHY I GOT MY HAT ON!

- BABY BLUE, I SEE YOU IN TWO WEEKS.

BABY BLUE!

- YOU GOTTA BE SMILIN'. YOU GOTTA BE DANCIN'.

YOU GOTTA BE SHAKIN' THAT ASS!

- YOU BETTER STEP IT UP, MOTHER[bleep]!

- WHOO!

CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH THIS ON MOTHER[bleep] YOUTUBE!

AND, YES, WE ALL GOT LAID THAT WEEKEND.

[sighs]

[liquid gushing]

SHE IS STILL GOING!

IT'S REALLY SOOTHING.

NO WONDER STEDMAN AND GAYLE SLEEP SO SOUNDLY.

ALL RIGHT, KNOCK IT OFF.

NORMALLY, I HATE CUTE VIDEOS,

BUT THIS IS ONE SMOOTH-ASS KID.

I WILL GIVE YOU $100

IF YOU CAN TEACH MY ASIAN GIRLFRIEND TO DO THAT.

IT'S IMPRESSIVE, BUT HE CAN'T COLOR FOR [bleep].

WE DID A LITTLE RESEARCH.

IT TURNS OUT THE REASON HE WAS IN SUCH A HURRY

IS BECAUSE HE HAD A DEAD HOOKER IN THE TRUNK...

A TINY DEAD HOOKER...

IN THE TRUNK.

ALL RIGHT.

- I CAN'T PUSH OFF. I CAN'T.

[grunting] UHH!

- COME ON, BRENDA!

- OH! I'D BREAK MY OWN LEG

BEFORE I LET GILBERT GRAPE'S MOM RIDE ME.

I THINK IT'S GREAT THAT SHE'S OUTSIDE GETTING EXERCISE.

AND IT'D BE EASY TO MAKE A BUNCH OF FAT JOKES.

AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE GONNA DO IT IN THIS WEEK'S VIDEO BREAKDOWN.

[cheers and applause]

ALL RIGHT. FIRST, NOTICE THE CAMO SHIRT.

SHE GOT THAT FROM AN ARMY-SURPLUS STORE.

IT WAS USED TO PROVIDE SHELTER FOR THREE PLATOONS.

ALL RIGHT, ROLL IT. IT STARTS OFF PRETTY HORRIBLE.

I MEAN, IF YOU NEED THE HELP OF A PICKUP TRUCK

TO GET ON A HORSE,

YOU SHOULD PROBABLY CHOOSE ANOTHER LEISURE-TIME ACTIVITY.

- I CAN'T. - "I CAN'T"?

YOU MEAN YOU SHOULDN'T.

COME ON, BRENDA. "I CAN'T"?

THEN WHO'S GONNA AVENGE THE DEATH OF YOUR BROTHER?

- BACK. BACK.

- THIS IS TOO MUCH WORK.

- I'LL TELL YOU WHO IT'S TOO MUCH WORK FOR--

THE HORSE.

YOU KNOW THAT OLD EXPRESSION,

"I'M SO HUNGRY, I COULD EAT A HORSE"?

I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S WHAT SPOOKED HIM.

- [Bleep] YOU, DENNIS.

- YOU LEAVE DENNIS OUT OF THIS.

HE'S LETTING YOU MAX OUT THE PAYLOAD OF HIS TACOMA.

ALL RIGHT! SHE GETS ONE LEG OVER!

IT'S GONNA HAPPEN!

AND IF YOU LISTEN REAL CAREFULLY,

YOU CAN HEAR THE HORSE'S SPIRIT AND SPINE BREAKING.

- OH...

- AH...

AND SHE'S OFF. FUN RIDE, THOUGH.

THIS IS WHAT ROCK BOTTOM LOOKS LIKE.

IT'S OKAY, BRENDA. YOU CAN STILL RIDE THE TRUCK.

AND AS FOR DENNIS,

WHO HAD THE FORESIGHT TO STAND FAR ENOUGH BACK

SO THAT HE COULD GET ALL OF THAT COWGIRL IN FRAME

AND PUT IT ON THE INTERNET-- [bleep] YOU, DENNIS.

[Bleep] YOU SO MUCH.

[laughter and applause]

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK

WITH THE TRON GUY'S WEB REDEMPTION.

BUT FIRST, DID YOU KNOW THAT SOME PEOPLE LOOK AT THE INTERNET

WHILE THEY'RE STONED?

YEAH, I KNOW, APPALLING.

WELL, AT HIGHDEAS,

THESE POTHEADS CAN POST THEIR RAMBLINGS.

ENJOY.

- I CAME UP WITH THE CONCEPT FOR THIS TRON-GUY COSTUME

BY GOING TO A SCIENCE-FICTION CONVENTION

THAT ALSO WAS A CROSSOVER TO A COMPUTER CONVENTION.

THE INTERNET BROUGHT THE TRON GUY TO LIFE

BY LITERALLY BRINGING HIM TO LIFE.

- OH! YOU DON'T NEED A TIME MACHINE

TO KNOW THAT GUY GOT TONS OF ASS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

TRON IS A MOVIE FROM THE '80s

WHERE A DUDE GETS SUCKED INTO A COMPUTER.

TO BE HONEST, I COULDN'T EVEN MAKE IT THROUGH THE TRAILER.

SO I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE

HOW ACCURATELY THIS GUY HAS EMBARRASSED HIMSELF,

BUT I'M GUESSING HE DID A GOOD JOB.

THERE ARE WORSE MOVIE THEMES TRON GUY COULD HAVE CHOSEN.

HE COULD HAVE BEEN JENNIFER'S BODY GUY.

UGH! BY THE WAY, DIABLO CODY,

IF THAT IS YOUR REAL STAGE NAME,

YOU KEEP WRITING TURDS LIKE THIS,

AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO RETURN THAT OSCAR,

HOP BACK ON THE POLE FOR THOSE TWO-FOR-ONES.

BUT I DIGRESS.

WHAT REALLY AMAZES ME

IS HOW FAMOUS TRON GUY HAS BECOME.

SINCE WHEN DID MAKING A TRON COSTUME

OR CARRYING A LIGHTSABER TURN YOU INTO A CELEBRITY?

I'VE ALWAYS LOOKED UP TO PEOPLE WHO COULD SLAY [bleep],

NOT DRAGONS.

BUT IN THEIR DEFENSE, PLAYING MAGIC: THE GATHERING

IS NO DIFFERENT THAN PLAYING FANTASY FOOTBALL

OR WATCHING PORN.

IT'S ALL JUST A WAY TO ESCAPE REALITY.

TRON GUY DOESN'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK.

HE JUST GENUINELY LOVES TRON, AND I RESPECT THAT.

I USED TO BE DEEP INTO THE CLUB SCENE,

SO I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO DRESS LIKE A COMPLETE DOUCHE BAG.

[laughter and applause]

THAT'S WHY I DECIDED TO BEAM JAY, AKA TRON GUY, TO HOLLYWOOD

IN THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.

[cheers and applause]

HELLO.

HAS THE TRON PARTY OF TWO SHOWN UP?

[laughs]

TELL ME WHY YOU LOVE THE MOVIE TRON.

- TRON REALLY CAUGHT MY IMAGINATION,

BUT I NEVER REALLY HAD ANY OUTLET FOR IT.

IT STRUCK ME THAT TRON,

BEING A SCIENCE-FICTION MOVIE ABOUT COMPUTERS,

WOULD BE A PERFECT SOURCE TO DRAW INSPIRATION FROM.

- IT LOOKS LIKE A LOT OF SPANDEX

AND THEN JUST SOME HOCKEY EQUIPMENT.

- ACTUALLY, THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD DESCRIPTION.

- WELL, I THINK YOU DID A GREAT JOB.

- THE UNITARD WAS CUSTOM-MADE AND DYED.

THIS COLOR PAINT I PICKED

BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT CLOSELY MATCHED THE COLOR.

THESE ARE FOOTBALL SHOULDER GUARDS.

THIS IS FORM PVC.

THIS IS ELECTROLUMINESCENT WIRE THAT'S THREADED THROUGH HOLES...

THE HELMET--YOU'RE RIGHT, IT'S A HOCKEY HELMET.

THIS IS THE SAME HOCKEY HELMET

THEY USED FOR THE CHARACTERS IN THE MOVIE.

- DO YOU READ WHAT PEOPLE WRITE?

- I DO, BUT I DECIDED THAT, IN THE END,

I WAS GONNA HAVE FUN MY WAY.

IF THEY DIDN'T LIKE IT, THAT WAS THEIR PROBLEM.

- WHO'S LAUGHING NOW? - EXACTLY.

I'M SITTING HERE TALKING TO THE GUY

ON COMEDY CENTRAL, AFTER ALL.

- A GUY. [laughing]

ARE YOU READY TO BEGIN OUR TRAINING?

- LET'S DO IT. - LET'S PLAY SOME FRISBEE.

- IT'S AN IDENTITY DISK. - IDENTITY DISK.

DOES TRON HAVE ANY, UH-- - WHAT?

HEADS UP!

TERM--BOY, THAT WAS LOUSY, WASN'T IT?

WHOOPS! [laughs]

HEY, GOOD CATCH!

EHH.

HEY. BOY, THAT WAS USELESS.

- ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH OF THE IDENTITY DISK.

LET'S WORK ON YOUR CARDIO.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A TRON CYCLE?

- NOPE. - ARE THEY FAST?

- I'M NOT SURE THAT FAST HOLDS ANY MEANING IN THAT UNIVERSE.

- AH...

- YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU START THINKING

ABOUT WHAT GOES ON INSIDE A COMPUTER

AND TURNING IT INTO SOMETHING

THAT A HUMAN SUCKED INTO THE MACHINE COULD UNDERSTAND,

YOU HAVE TO ANTHROPOMORPHIZE IT,

AND... [clears throat]

- LEFT!

RIGHT!

RIGHT. - COME ON. AH!

- OUR IDEA FOR THE WEB REDEMPTION,

SINCE YOU ALREADY HAVE THE SUIT,

WAS TO GET YOU IN THE TRON WORLD.

HOW DOES THAT SOUND TO YOU? - THAT SOUNDS FANTASTIC.

- I HOPE YOU'RE UP FOR THE BATTLE.

- I THINK I AM.

YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.

YOU'RE IN TOP PHYSICAL CONDITION.

THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW,

ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT?

- LET'S DO IT.

- GOOD LUCK. AND MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU.

- UM...

- OH, MY GOODNESS! IT WORKS!

ENJOY THE RIDE, TRON GUY! [cackling]

I'LL SEE HIM ON THE OTHER SIDE.

- NOW THAT I'VE ENTERED THE MACHINE,

MY POWERS HAVE NEVER BEEN STRONGER.

- NOT SO FAST, TRON GUY.

ONE MORE STEP, AND THE GIRL GETS IT.

- SAVE ME, TRON GUY, SAVE ME!

- LET HER GO.

- FIRST, YOU'LL HAVE TO CATCH ME.

- STAY BACK, OR THE GIRL WILL BE DEREZED.

- THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.

- NO!

- BY THE POWER OF MY USER.

- [wheezy gasp]

OOH...OOH...

- I LOVE YOU, TRON GUY.

[cheers and applause]

- OH, YOU WILL BE MISSED, TRON GUY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH FRED.

BUT FIRST, HERE'S YOUR TOSH.0 UNSPONSORED PRANK OF THE WEEK.

- AAH!

- [gasps]

- AND NOW...

OH, YEAH.

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

- OH, I UNDERSTAND CRYSTAL!

YOU'RE GOING TO A HOME, OLD MAN!

OH, YE-AH!

- I'M GONNA JUMP!

- HO HO HO OH!

THE ONLY WAY YOU'RE GOIN' OFF THIS ROOF

IS IF I THROW YOU.

OH, YE-AH!

OH HO HO!

IT LOOKS LIKE YOU MISSED A SPOT OVER THERE.

OH, YE-AH!

[crying]

OH, IT'S TIME TO GO TO SLEEP, LITTLE GIRL.

OH, YE-AH!

LIGHTS OUT!

- AND THAT WAS...

[cheers and applause] OH, YEAH.

- OH, YE-AH.

IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE A MORE INAPPROPRIATE PLACE

TO DO A MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE IMPRESSION,

FILM IT AND SEND IT TO US AT...

ALL RIGHT. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF FRED?

ME NEITHER.

HE'S THE MOST SUBSCRIBED TO PERSON ON YOUTUBE.

HE'S GOTTEN OVER 300 MILLION HITS.

HE HAS A CLOTHING LINE AT HOT TOPIC,

NOT TO MENTION HE HAS A MOVIE DEAL.

SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT MADE HIM SO FAMOUS.

[shrill cartoon voice] - IF YOU'RE WONDERING

WHY I'M ACTING RATHER EXTRAORDINARY RIGHT NOW,

IT'S BECAUSE I HAVEN'T TAKEN MY PILL!

[light laughter]

- WELL, THAT'LL NEVER GET OLD.

ALL RIGHT, SINCE I OBVIOUSLY DON'T GET IT,

I INVITED FRED FOR A LIVE WEB CHAT

TO EXPLAIN WHY I SHOULDN'T HATE HIM.

PLEASE WELCOME THE YOUTUBE PHENOMENON, FRED!

FRED, YOU'RE PROBABLY PRETTY EXCITED TO BE ON MY SHOW.

[normal voice] - I'VE NEVER HEARD OF YOU.

- OH. WELL, I'M EXCITED TO MEET YOU, FRED.

- YOU'RE TALKING TO LUCAS.

FRED IS A CHARACTER, SO... HE'S NOT REAL. HA.

- HA. WELL, UH...

I ASKED MY TWITTER FOLLOWERS IF THEY HAD ANY QUESTIONS,

AND TRAVER31 WANTED TO KNOW...

COULD YOU ANSWER THAT?

- NO, I CAN'T. I WOULD--

I CAN'T HOLD MY BREATH FOR 45 MINUTES.

- YOU SHOULD TRY.

WILL YOUR MOVIE BE THE END OF THIS FRED THING?

- YEAH, I ACTUALLY--

YEAH, THE FRED MOVIE IS PROBABLY GONNA BE, LIKE,

ONE OF THE LAST FRED THINGS,

SO I WON'T BE DOING IT TOO MUCH LONGER.

- AW...

WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING ON, FRED.

I APPRECIATE IT.

- YEAH. THANKS FOR HAVING ME.

[laughter]

- WHO'D HAVE GUESSED HE'D HAVE A [bleep] INTERNET CONNECTION?

WELL, I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE'S SO POPULAR.

MAYBE YOU NEED TO CHECK WITH FRED'S NUMBER-ONE FAN, JAKE,

WHO'S A 10-YEAR-OLD BOY.

UH, JAKE, THANKS FOR BEING ON THE SHOW.

- PLEASURE TO BE HERE, DANIEL.

- HEY, WHY IS FRED FUNNY?

- WELL, I THINK HE'S FUNNY, BECAUSE, UM,

HE--HE TALKS LIKE-- YAAAH, YAH, YAH, YAH,

AND HE MAKES LIKE REALLY WEIRD FACES, AND, UM...

AND HE HAS REALLY GOOD JOKES.

- ALL RIGHT, STAY OFF THE JESUS JUICE!

- [laughing]

- REMEMBER TO KEEP OUR SECRET.

[laughter and applause]

[sighs]

I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT JAKE IS AS PASSIONATE ABOUT FRED--

[bleep]

[laughter and groans]

- HANG IN THERE. IT GETS WORSE.

MAYBE IF I SLOW FRED DOWN,

I CAN HEAR WHAT HE'S REALLY SAYING.

[distorted slow voice] - OBAMA IS A MUSLIM.

SHOW ME THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE.

- HA HA! NOW I GET IT!

NOT ONLY IS FRED A COMEDY GENIUS,

BUT HE'S ALSO AN EXTREME CONSERVATIVE.

[liquid gushing]

[sniffs] DID YOU HAVE ASPARAGUS, OPRAH?

THAT IS RANCID.

ALL RIGHT, AS FRED HAS SHOWN US,

ANYONE CAN BECOME FAMOUS ON THE INTERNET.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GO TO OUR WEBSITE,

UPLOAD YOUR CLIP FOR A CHANCE

TO BE OUR VIEWER VIDEO OF THE WEEK.

THIS WEEK'S WINNER IS FRONTPAGEFILMS.COM.

- ALL RIGHT. SO IF YOU DON'T MIND,

I'M JUST GONNA GRADUALLY WEAVE YOUR DIAGNOSIS

INTO, LIKE, A NORMAL, EVERYDAY CONVERSATION.

DOES THAT...SOUND LIKE SOMETHING WE CAN DO?

- SURE. - YEAH.

HOW--HOW ARE YOU? [chuckles]

- FINE.

- THAT'S WEIRD, 'CAUSE YOU HAVE LEUKEMIA.

- AH... THANKS, GUYS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE RENO 911.

OH, TOO SOON.

- WELCOME BACK.

HOW WERE THE COMMERCIALS?

[laughter]

I THINK THAT'S FUNNY.

IT'S BEEN A GREAT SUMMER FOR CELEBRITY DEATH POOLS.

I WENT 16 AND 0. YEAH. IT'S TOO EASY.

THAT'S WHY WE AT TOSH.0

CREATED THE FIRST CELEBRITY SUICIDE POOL.

GO TO OUR WEBSITE. GIVE US YOUR PICKS.

A FEW RULES-- ACCIDENTAL OVERDOSES DO COUNT.

[laughter and groans]

- HE TOOK A FISTFUL OF PILLS. HE KNEW HOW THAT NAP WOULD END.

BUT REALITY STARS DO NOT COUNT AS CELEBRITIES.

THEY DON'T COUNT, SO DON'T PICK 'EM.

AND WHILE I HOPE NO ONE WINS, IF ANYONE KNOWS MISCHA BARTON,

COULD YOU PLEASE REMIND HER

THAT SHE HAS NOTHING TO LIVE FOR?

BECAUSE I COULD REALLY USE THAT $50.

AND IF SHE DOES KILL HERSELF, DON'T WORRY.

I WILL USE THAT $50 FOR CHARITY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.

MAKE SURE YOU WATCH NEXT WEEK WHEN I HEAD TO ADULTCON

TO TEACH PORN STARS A THING OR TWO ABOUT FETISHES.

AND WE ALSO GIVE THE BACKYARD WRESTLER A WEB REDEMPTION.

- HERE HE GOES-- MY GOD, MY GOD!

[audience groans]

- DON'T WORRY. WRESTLING'S FAKE.

AND DON'T FORGET TO GO TO OUR WEBSITE COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0

TO SUBMIT YOUR INAPPROPRIATE

"MACHO MAN" RANDY SAVAGE IMPRESSIONS.

ALSO FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER,

AND CHECK MY TOUR DATES, SO I CAN OFFEND YOU IN PERSON.

LAST EPISODE, I ASKED YOU TO GUESS

WHAT CASTRO AND I WERE LOOKING AT.

OUT OF 1,700 WHO SUBMITTED AN ANSWER,

OVER 350 OF YOU GUESSED I WAS LOOKING AT A PENIS.

I'M NOT MAKING THAT NUMBER UP.

YOU WERE RIGHT. I WAS LOOKING AT A PENIS.

YOU GUYS KNOW ME SO WELL.

NO. I WAS LOOKING AT A SQUEAK TOY

THAT JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE HANGING

FROM A VEINY, UNCIRCUMCISED PENIS.

GOOD NIGHT. SEE YA NEXT WEEK.

Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com