Original subtitles

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

- THANK YOU.

COME ON, GARY.

A LITTLE LESS HEADBANGING AND A

LITTLE MORE HELP WITH THE FIRE.

THEY DIDN'T LIGHT IT.

BUT THEY TRIED TO FIGHT IT.

THEY DIDN'T START THE FIRE.

SERIOUSLY, I WENT TO THEIR HOUSE

ONCE.

FOUR HOURS BEFORE THE BARBECUE

STARTED.

WELCOME TO TOSH.0.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.

I'M YOUR HOST, KATT WILLIAMS.

TODAY KRISTIN CAVALLARI JOINS

US.

WHY MUST I CRY GETS A WEB

REDEMPTION.

AND DON'T FORGET TO PLAY ALONG

AT HOME BY TAKING A DRINK EVERY

TIME I GET BLEEPED.

LET'S START THE [BLEEP] SHOW.

[APPLAUSE]

MORE CELEBRITY DEATHS THIS WEEK.

THE TACO BELL CHIHUAHUA DIED,

ALONG WITH HALF OF GEORGE

LOPEZ'S ACT.

I FEEL A LITTLE GUILTY ABOUT HIS

DEATH SINCE I WAS THE

SPOKESPERSON THAT REPLACED HIM.

- 99¢.

I'D SAY YOU GOT A GOOD DEAL.

- WOULD YOU SAY I GOT A TASTY

DEAL?

- SURE.

- THEN SAY IT.

- WHAT'S THAT, TASTY DEAL?

- THAT A BOY.

SOMEONE HAD NICE LOCKS.

LAUGH ALL YOU WANT.

I CAN MAKE IT RAIN WITH BORDER

BUCKS.

AND I KNEW THAT CHIHUAHUA PRETTY

WELL, AND I'M SURE HE DIED DOING

WHAT HE LOVED.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S HOW YOU MAKE A GORDITA?

SPEAKING OF MASTURBATING, DID

YOUR MOM FORWARD THIS WEDDING

VIDEO TO YOU THIS WEEK?

UGH, THIS THING HAS BEEN

EVERYWHERE.

THE MUSIC, WHICH WE CAN'T AFFORD

TO PLAY, IS CHRIS BROWN'S

FOREVER.

WHAT BETTER ANTHEM FOR A HEALTHY

RELATIONSHIP?

RUMOR HAS IT THAT CHRIS BROWN

GOT SO ENRAGED AT HOW BAD THESE

WHITE BITCHES WERE DANCING TO

HIS MUSIC THAT HE WAITED OUTSIDE

AND THREW RICE ON THEM REALLY

HARD.

- [BABY CHATTERING]

- TALKATIVE BABY, DID YOU SEE

WHAT I DID WITH THE CHRIS BROWN

JOKE?

TALKATIVE BABY--

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY CHINESE

FAMILIES SELL THEIR BABY GIRLS.

[LAUGHTER]

AW, IT'S SO CUTE.

THAT'LL NEVER GET OLD.

- [BABY CHATTERING]

- SHUT YOUR [BLEEP] FACE,

TALKATIVE BABY.

I GOT A SHOW TO DO.

THE SPORT OF PARKOUR IS NOTHING

MORE THAN EXTREME WALKING.

TO MASTER THIS USELESS SKILL,

YOU HAVE TO HAVE REALLY POOR

PARENTS.

CAN I SUGGEST WE MOVE THE

SUGGESTION BOX?

OHH.

IN RUSSIA, BOX SMASH YOU.

[WOMEN SCREAMING]

OH, MY GOODNESS.

I HAVEN'T SEEN A DOLPHIN LOOK

THIS DESPERATE AND PATHETIC

SINCE NICK SABAN WAS THE COACH.

OH, IN YOUR FACE, SELLOUT.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET 20 SECONDS

ON THE CLOCK AND SEE HOW MANY

COMMENTS WE CAN POST.

LATER, THE DOLPHIN TOSSED THE

MAN'S SEAFOOD SALAD.

IF YOU WANT TO KISS HIM, IT

COSTS EXTRA.

THAT'S A WIVES' TALE.

I'VE KISSED WHORES.

MORE LIKE "HEPATITIS SEA WORLD."

WHY IS THIS FUNNY TO WATCH

ONLINE, BUT WATCH A HORSE MAKE

LOVE TO A MAN, AND I CAN'T SLEEP

FOR WEEKS.

THANKS, MR. HANDS.

AH.

AT LEAST THEY BOTH FINISHED.

IF YOU LOVE ART AUCTIONS BUT

HATE WEARING PANTS, I FOUND A

GREAT PAINTER WHO SELLS HIS WORK

ON EBAY.

HIS NAME, DAN LACEY.

HIS SPECIALTIES, UNICORNS,

PANCAKES, AND PRESIDENT BARACK

OBAMA NAKED.

OH, IN THIS ONE WE HAVE STALIN,

BARACK OBAMA, AND THE GUY FROM

HOUSE.

NO, OF COURSE, I GET IT.

SOMEONE'S COMMENT ON SOCIALIZED

MEDICINE IN AMERICA.

I GUESS.

AND THEY'RE NOT CHEAP.

WHO WOULD BUY THIS?

YEAH, THE GUY WHO CAN EXPENSE IT

TO COMEDY CENTRAL, THAT'S WHO.

THAT'S ME IN AN ORIGINAL WITH

BARACK OBAMA AND A UNICORN ON A

SAILBOAT.

[LAUGHTER]

SOME PEOPLE THINK MY FOOT'S IN

THE WATER TO STEER AMERICA IN

THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

BUT I JUST THINK IT'S ABOUT

[BLEEP] PLAY.

PLEASE GO TO OUR WEBSITE AND

INTERPRET THIS PAINTING FOR ME.

I'M DYING TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE

TO SAY.

HEY, IF A TREE FALLS IN THE

WOODS AND NO ONE IS THERE TO SEE

IT, DOES IT STILL GET POSTED ON

YOUTUBE?

[CHAINSAW BUZZING]

- UH-OH, WATCH OUT.

HERE IT GOES.

AND IT'S GOING THE WRONG WAY.

OH, MY GOSH.

- YEAH, THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR

NOT YELLING "TIMBER".

SEEMED LIKE A LOT OF SNOW ON THE

GROUND FOR ALABAMA.

[LAUGHTER]

I'M KIDDING.

THIS VIDEO'S FROM CANADA, WHICH

PROVES A LOT OF PEOPLE FROM

ALABAMA NOW LIVE IN CANADA.

NOW LET'S TRIM THIS DOWN BRANCH

BY BRANCH IN THIS WEEK'S

BREAKDOWN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

UGH.

WHAT'S THE WORST PART ABOUT

HAVING A LAKESIDE CABIN IN THE

WOODS?

THE WOODS.

WHAT AN EYESORE.

HERE'S WHAT YOU DON'T SEE IN

THIS VIDEO--

A TREE-CUTTING SERVICE TRUCK.

YOU KNOW HIS WIFE'S BEEN NAGGING

HIM FOR MONTHS, AND FINALLY HE

SNAPPED.

"YOU WANT ME TO CUT IT DOWN?

FINE.

"IT'S THE MIDDLE OF WINTER, BUT

ANYTHING TO STOP YOUR YAPPING."

WHY DOES HIS WIFE WANT THIS TREE

GONE SO BAD ANYWAY?

APPARENTLY, KEANU REEVES HAS

BEEN WRITING LETTERS FROM THE

FUTURE TELLING HER THAT TREE HAS

GOT TO GO.

ALL RIGHT, RIGHT HERE HE'S GOT

TWO OPTIONS.

HE CAN WATCH THE TREE FALL ON

HIS HOUSE.

OR HE CAN STEP IN FRONT OF THE

TREE SO HE DOESN'T HAVE TO HEAR

ABOUT IT EVERY DAY FOR THE REST

OF HIS LIFE.

OH, LOOKY THERE, THE HOUSE IS

GONNA HOLD IT.

GUESS WHOSE WEEKEND TO-DO LIST

JUST GOT A LITTLE BIT LONGER.

AT LEAST YOU KNOW WHERE THEY'RE

GONNA GET THE WOOD TO REBUILD

THE HOUSE.

HIS WIFE DID DO ONE THING RIGHT.

SHE DIDN'T FILM IT FROM THE

PORCH.

AND FOR THAT, WE THANK YOU.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH REH

DOGG'S WEB REDEMPTION.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I'M NOT GAY.

AFTER WE FINISH WE CAN STOMP

AROUND AND KICK THE TRAINS LIKE

MONSTE

MONSTERS.

ALSO I HAVE A LOT OF IMITATION

CRAB MEAT IN MY FREEZER.

- TELL ME WHY WHY MUST

I CRY TELL ME WHY

WHY MUST I CRY

WHY MUST I CRY, WHY MUST

I CRY, WHY WHY MUST I

CRY, WHY MUST I CRY, WHY

WHY MUST I CRY, WHY MUST I CRY

TELL ME WHY -

[SIGHS]

THAT'S NICE.

DO YOU THINK HE USES KIEHL'S?

THAT'S MY GUESS.

EVERYONE SINGS IN THE SHOWER.

BUT FEW DECIDE TO RECORD IT AND

PUT IT ON THE INTERNET.

IT'S NOT EASY LOOKING HARD-CORE

WHEN YOU'RE USING A LOOFAH.

BUT NOTHING ABOUT THE RAP GAME

IS EASY, ESPECIALLY NOW THAT THE

MUSIC INDUSTRY IS IN WORSE SHAPE

THAN KELLY CLARKSON'S ASS.

[AUDIENCE OOHS]

I'LL TELL YOU WHY REH DOGG IS

CRYING.

BECAUSE SO MANY ARTISTS ARE ABLE

TO GET THEIR [BLEEP] AUTO-TUNED

VOICES HEARD WHILE HE TOILS AWAY

IN OBSCURITY.

IF THEY PLAY BLAME IT ON THE

A-A-ALCOHOL ONE MORE TIME WHILE

I DRIVE TO WORK, I SWEAR I WILL

CRASH MY CAR INTO AN ELEMENTARY

SCHOOL.

AND EVEN PEOPLE WHO USED TO

SOUND GOOD SUCK NOW.

WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU HEARD A

U2 OR BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN SONG

THAT DIDN'T SOUND LIKE IT WOULD

WORK BETTER IN A CHEVY TRUCK

COMMERCIAL?

MAKING A GOOD MUSIC VIDEO ISN'T

EASY.

IF IT WERE, MTV WOULD STILL BE

SHOWING THEM INSTEAD OF 16 AND

PREGNANT, WHICH I ASSUME IS SHOT

EXCLUSIVELY IN UTAH.

AT THE END OF THE DAY, REH DOGG

POURED HIS HEART OUT.

HE'S NOT IN IT FOR THE MONEY.

HE'S ALL ABOUT THE MESSAGE.

AND WHILE THE MESSAGE WAS

STRONG, THE DELIVERY NEEDED SOME

WORK.

THAT'S WHY I FLEW REH DOGG OUT

TO L.A.

TO GIVE HIS MUSIC VIDEO THE

TOSH.0 TREATMENT IT TRULY

DESERVES IN THIS WEEK'S WEB

REDEMPTION.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

- TELL ME WHY - OH, THAT

SOUNDS GOOD.

SOLID.

ALL RIGHT, WELL, I GOTTA ASK THE

MOST OBVIOUS QUESTION:

WHY MUST I CRY?

- WELL, THE FIRST HALF OF THE

SONG BASICALLY IS TALKING ABOUT

THIS KID THAT I USED TO MENTOR.

HE WAS, LIKE, EIGHT YEARS OLD,

AND HE JUST WOULDN'T LEARN.

HE STOLE FROM ME AND--

- THAT'LL MAKE YOU CRY.

- IT SURE DID.

BUT THAT LAST HALF WAS ABOUT

THIS LADY THAT I HOOKED UP WITH

THAT BASICALLY WAS A

MANIPULATING, CONNIVING--

TELLIN' ME THAT THE TWINS ARE

MINES, AND THEY TURNED OUT NOT

TO BE MINES AND--

- WOW.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A TALK SHOW.

- [LAUGHS]

- WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU

CRIED?

- UM, ABOUT TWO OR THREE YEARS

AGO.

- YOU HAVEN'T CRIED IN TWO OR

THREE YEARS?

I CRY ONCE A WEEK.

USUALLY WHEN MY RATINGS COME

OUT.

- [LAUGHS]

- THAT'S NOT A JOKE.

DID YOU RUN OUT OF HOT WATER IN

THAT SHOWER?

YOU WERE IN THERE FOR AN AWFUL

LONG TIME.

- I GOT A GOOD HOT WATER SYSTEM.

- [LAUGHS]

DO YOU HAVE A TANKLESS WATER

HEATER?

- YOU TOOK THE WORDS OUT OF MY

MOUTH.

- YOU DO?

- BUT NO, I DON'T HAVE ONE.

- OH, YOU GOT TO GET A TANKLESS.

THEY'RE ENERGY EFFICIENT AND YOU

CAN TAKE THE LONGEST SHOWER YOU

WANT.

- I'M NOT IN TO THAT GREEN

STUFF.

I'M CONSERVATIVE.

- IT'S JUST SO WEIRD TO SEE

SOMEBODY WITH A GRILL IN THEIR

MOUTH SAY, "I'M A REPUBLICAN."

- [LAUGHS]

- YOU WERE DRUNK WHILE MAKING

THAT VIDEO?

- I DO IT ALL THE TIME.

- BUT YOU PUT A GUN IN YOUR

MOUTH.

- I TOOK THE BULLETS OUT.

- DO YOU HAVE A GUN ON YOU RIGHT

NOW?

- NO.

- DID ANYBODY PAT HIM DOWN?

- [LAUGHS]

- YOU PROBABLY GET RECOGNIZED IN

THE SHOWER A LOT.

- [LAUGHING]

NO.

- NOT AT THE GYM?

- NO.

- OH, IF I SAW YOU SHOWERING IN

THE GYM, I WOULD LOSE MY MIND.

BY THE WAY, ON THE CAMERA SHOT

WITH YOU IN THE SHOWER, YOU

PANNED AWFULLY LOW.

YOU DIDN'T THINK YOU COULD FRAME

THAT UP A LITTLE BIT, DEANGELO?

- NO, I DIDN'T ACTUALLY.

- DO YOU THINK WEIRD AL WILL

EVER PARODY YOUR SONG?

- I DOUBT IT.

HOW WEIRD--

HE CAN'T GET MORE WEIRD THAN HOW

I DID MINE.

- [LAUGHS]

TOUCHE.

MY GOAL IS TO MAKE IT THE NUMBER

ONE TRACK ON ITUNES.

- WELL, THAT WOULD BE SUPER

AWESOME.

- I THINK IT'S DOABLE.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT.

- [LAUGHS]

- THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW, ARE

YOU READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER

SHOT?

- OH, I'M DEFINITELY READY.

- GOOD.

CUE THE BITCHES.

- [LAUGHS]

WHY MUST I CRY HOW

YOU--HOW YOU DOING?

HOW YOU--HOW YOU DOING?

MAXIMUM.

HOW YOU--HOW YOU DOING?

TELL ME WHY WHY MUST I

CRY T-T-T-TANK

WHY MUST I CRY

WHY MUST I CRY WHY MUST

I CRY, WHY MUST I CRY, WHY

WHY MUST I CRY, WHY MUST I

CRY, WHY WHY MUST I CRY,

WHY MUST I CRY, WHY

SHORTY, WHY MUST I CRY, WHY MUST

I CRY, WHY SHORTY, WHY

MUST I CRY, WHY MUST I CRY, WHY

WHY MUST I CRY, WHY MUST

I CRY TELL ME WHY

I CRY TELL

TELL ME WHY WHY MUST I

CRY - GAME OVER.

[WATER GURGLING]

OH, YES.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A HIT.

THANKS TO THE "AUTO-TUNE THE

NEWS" GUYS FOR HELPING US.

GO TO OUR WEBSITE TO SEE THE

ENTIRE VIDEO.

I'M GONNA MISS REH DOGG.

WE SHARED SOME PRETTY SPECIAL

MOMENTS.

[DOG YOWLS, GUNSHOT]

OLD YELLER.

HE WAS A GOOD DOG.

[INDISTINCT]

[BOTH SOBBING]

OLD YELLER!

OLD YELLER!

SHE'S OLD AS SH--!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

JUST ACT LIKE YOU DIDN'T SEE

THAT.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH KRISTIN

CAVALLARI.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

MALE ANNOUNCER:

AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE PRANK

OF THE WEEK.

- AND TODAY WE'RE GONNA WAKE

BRANDON UP WITH MY SLINGSHOT AND

A LITTLE BIT OF LIPSTICK.

- [SCREAMS]

[BLEEP]

[BLEEP]

- [LAUGHING]

[BLEEP]

ANNOUNCER: AND THAT WAS THE

PRANK OF THE WEEK, BROUGHT TO

YOU BY BURGER KING.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

- OH, THAT IS MARKETING

RIGHT THERE.

WE WANTED TO HIRE A REAL SIGN

SPINNER, BUT HE WANTED $60 AN

HOUR.

HA!

WE DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF CASH.

WE BLEW ALL OUR MONEY ON BARACK

OBAMA'S NAKED ASS.

ALL RIGHT, NOW LIVE VIA WEBCHAT

PLEASE WELCOME KRISTIN

CAVALLARI.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HEY, KRISTIN.

THANKS FOR DOING THIS.

- THANKS FOR HAVING ME.

- OH, YOU'RE WELCOME.

WHAT'S YOUR SHORT ABOUT?

- IT'S ME MAKING FUN OF MY BITCH

PERSONA ON THE HILLS.

- PEOPLE CALL YOU A BITCH?

- SUPER BITCH.

- ALL RIGHT, THAT IS NOT TRUE.

YOU ARE AN ANGEL.

LET'S WATCH.

- HELLO.

I'M KRISTIN CAVALLARI, AND

WELCOME TO UNSOLICITED ADVICE

STARRING ME.

SINCE I KNOW HOW TO GET WHAT I

WANT, I'M OFFERING MY

UNSOLICITED ADVICE TO

CELEBRITIES AND POLITICAL

FIGURES IN THE NEWS.

LET'S SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.

[CLEARS THROAT]

OBAMA'S HAVING PROBLEMS GETTING

THIS HEALTH CARE THING PASSED.

HE KEEPS ASKING THE REPUBLICANS

FOR HELP.

THAT'S A LOSER MOVE.

IF YOU ASKED NICE, YOU'VE ASKED

TWICE.

GOD, PEOPLE WILL NOT SHUT UP

ABOUT THE WHORING AROUND OF JON

FROM JON & KATE PLUS 8.

IF I WERE KATE, I'D CHANGE MY

NAME TO KATHERINE AND THROW THAT

DORK'S COLLECTION OF ED HARDY

[BLEEP] IN THE YARD AND THEN

LIGHT IT ON FIRE.

FUNNY PEOPLE OPENS THIS WEEK.

BEING FUNNY IS JUST HOW UGLY

PEOPLE GET LAID, RIGHT?

MY ADVICE TO FUNNY PEOPLE, GET

DIFFERENT GENETICS AND [BLEEP]

QUIT BEING SO DESPERATE.

HERE'S SOME ADVICE FOR GOLFERS.

AFTER YOU SINK THE PUTT, FILL IN

THE HOLE.

YOU WANT THE NEXT GUY TO BE

[BLEEP], DON'T YOU?

SARAH PALIN, NO ADVICE FOR YOU,

GIRL.

GUESS IT'S TIME FOR VIEWER MAIL.

"MY MOM CAN'T COME TO MY HALF

BIRTHDAY PARTY "BECAUSE HER

BOYFRIEND IS IN THE HOSPITAL.

SHOULD I BE COOL WITH THIS?"

HALF BIRTHDAYS ARE INCREDIBLY

IMPORTANT.

YOU NEED TO SEND A CARD THAT

SAYS, "I HOPE HE DIES IN TIME

FOR YOU TO MAKE IT.

LOVE, YOUR DAUGHTER."

"I'VE JUST GOTTEN INTO ACTING

"AND I'M ATTENDING MY FIRST

PREMIERE.

ANY TIPS ON GETTING NOTICED?"

THAT'S A TOUGHY.

THE VAG FLASH USED TO WORK, BUT

IT'S SO PLAYED OUT.

WHOEVER'S THE FIRST TO FIGURE

OUT HOW TO FLASH YOUR BUTT HOLE,

I'D SAY YOU'RE GONNA GET A LOT

OF ATTENTION.

OKAY, I'M OUT.

I HAVE TO GO GIVE PEOPLE DIRTY

LOOKS AT A RESTAURANT OPENING.

- WHAT ABOUT THE REST OR THIS

SHOW?

- OH, THANK YOU, KRISTIN AND THE

PEOPLE AT FUNNY OR DIE.

AND DON'T FORGET TO GO TO OUR

WEBSITE COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0

AND UPLOAD YOUR OWN VIDEO FOR A

CHANCE TO BE OUR VIEWER VIDEO OF

THE WEEK.

THIS WEEK'S SUBMISSION COMES TO

US FROM TWOFANS@LOOSELOUIE.COM.

- OH, OH, GOD, JINGLE, THANK GOD

YOU'RE HERE.

YOU GOTTA HELP ME.

- WITH WHAT, MY HUMAN HANDS?

- DAMN IT, JINGLE, GET ME THE

HELL OUT OF HERE.

- OH, OH, HOLD ON ONE SECOND.

LET ME STOP BEING A DOG.

OH, WAIT, I CAN'T, 'CAUSE I'M A

DOG.

- JINGLE, WHY--

- I'M A DOG.

- JINGLE--

- I'M A DOG.

- JESUS CHRIST--

- I'M A DOG!

A DOG!

- JINGLE, I--

- I'M A DOG!

- JINGLE!

- I'M A DOG!

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

[BARKING SOUNDS]

- OH, HE'S A [BLEEP] DOG.

THANKS, GUYS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE

TOUGH CROWD WITH COLIN QUINN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

- OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR

WATCHING.

NEXT WEEK WE HAVE THE DRUNK DUNK

GUY'S WEB REDEMPTION.

- OH, MY GOD.

[LAUGHTER]

- OH, I GOTTA CALL IT--

TRAVELING.

AND MAKE SURE YOU GO TO OUR

WEBSITE TO DOWNLOAD THE RAW

GREEN SCREEN FOOTAGE OF REH

DOGG'S WHY MUST I CRY TO MAKE

YOUR OWN MUSIC VIDEO.

AND PLEASE, NOTHING RACIST.

ALL RIGHT, THE SHOW IS COMING TO

AN END, AND IF YOU'VE BEEN

PLAYING ALONG AT HOME, YOU'RE

PROBABLY STARTING TO GET A

LITTLE TIPSY.

IF NOT, [LONG BLEEP].

I DON'T KNOW, [LONG BLEEP].

[BLEEPING CONTINUES]

ROBERTO.

[BLEEP]

THAT SHOULD DO IT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NOW YOU'RE BUZZED ENOUGH TO PAY

TRIBUTE TO THIS WEEK'S UNSUNG

HERO OF THE INTERNET.

ENJOY THIS MASH-UP OF SOME OF

ALCOHOL'S FINEST MOMENTS.

- I'M DRUNK.

[ROCK MUSIC]

- [INDISTINCT]

- WHAT?

- I WANT TO KISS YOU.

- PUT THAT ON THE GROUND

RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF HIM.

- [GIRL SCREAMS]

- [BLEEP] YOU.

- I CALL DIBS.

SHE'S MINE.

GOOD NIGHT.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

TELL ME WHY WHY MUST I

CRY T-T-T-TANK

TELL ME WHY WHY MUST I

CRY WHY MUST I CRY

WHY MUST I CRY WHY

MUST I CRY, WHY MUST I CRY, WHY

WHY MUST I CRY, WHY MUST

I CRY, WHY WHY MUST I

CRY, WHY MUST I CRY, WHY

SHORTY, WHY MUST I CRY, WHY MUST

I CRY, WHY SHORTY, WHY

MUST I CRY, WHY MUST I CRY, WHY

WHY MUST I CRY, WHY MUST

I CRY TELL ME WHY

NO MATTER WHAT I DID I

TRIED TO LOVE THIS KID

EVER SINCE HE WAS EIGHT

ALL HE EVER DID WAS LIE AND

STEAL FROM ME

NOW HE'S 17 I THOUGHT

THAT HE'D CHANGE HIS WAY

BUT WHEN I LOOK AGAIN

HE'S STILL HATING ON ME -

TUPAC OR BIGGIE?

- TUPAC ALL THE WAY.

WESTSIDE.

- TILL WE DIE.

SO YOU'RE PRO CHOICE?

- PRO CHOICE.

I DON'T--

NO, I'M NOT PRO CHOICE.

YOU TRY TO GET ME.

THAT'S THE DEMOCRATS.

- IT'S DANGEROUS TO HAVE GUNS

AROUND.

- HEY, I GOTTA EXERCISE MY

SECOND AMENDMENT.

- WHICH ONE'S THAT?

- RIGHT TO BEAR ARM.

- OH, THAT'S GOOD.

THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

GLAD WE STILL HAVE THAT ONE IN

THERE.

WRITTEN BY, WHAT, 25 WHITE