Original subtitles

[western style music]

*

[upbeat techno music]

[cheers and applause]

- OH, THANK YOU. PLEASE.

WELCOME TO TOSH.0.

WE HAVE GOT A GREAT SHOW.

FRED WILLARD IS WITH US.

WE GIVE THE PUKE KID A WEB REDEMPTION.

AND HOW ABOUT BRO-PUNZEL?

OH. YOU GOT TO RESP--

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, NOT ONE SPLIT END.

THAT'S A HAIRSTYLE THAT YOU HAVE TO COMMIT TO

AS A CHILD.

YOU HAVE TO BE LIKE,

"HEY, MOM, KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE SCISSORS

IF YOU WANT ME TO LOOK LIKE A CENTAUR AT 40."

I ACTUALLY MET HIM BRIEFLY IN NARNIA.

HIS WIFE DELILAH SEEMS A BIT SHADY.

HEY, UH, SPEAKING OF AMAZING HAIR...

[audience laughs]

IF YOU DIDN'T SEE OUR LAST EPISODE,

WE MADE A GOOGLE SCAVENGER HUNT

TO FIND THIS OLD PHOTO OF DEMI MOORE.

WE MADE THAT THICKET

THE NUMBER-ONE GOOGLE TREND

FOR FIVE-- FIVE STRAIGHT DAYS.

YEAH.

I DON'T KNOW IF THEY'RE GONNA GIVE US A PLAQUE

OR A CEASE AND DESIST ORDER,

BUT I WOULD LIKE TO READ SOME OF THE FUNNIEST COMMENTS

POSTED ON OUR WEBSITES.

GROSS, SALLYTWO[bleep].

[laughter]

[man yelling]

WHAT'S THAT NOISE?

[goat bleating]

OH, YEAH, IT'S THE GOAT THAT YELLS LIKE A HUMAN.

WHAT ARE YOU SCREAMING AT, GOAT?

MEGAN FOX?

SHE'S PERFECT. WHY WOULD YOU YELL AT HER?

IS IT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN READING SOME OF THE BLOGGERS

WHO SAY THAT SHE HAS TOE-THUMBS?

DO WE HAVE A REAL, HONEST CLOSE-UP OF HER THUMB?

[goat bleating]

THAT IS A DEAL BREAKER.

NO WONDER I CAN'T READ HER TEXTS.

SHE'S HAMMERING OUT SIX KEYS AT A TIME.

ALL RIGHT, I LOVE THIS NEXT CLIP.

IT'S THE OTTOMAN HUMPERS. HAVE YOU SEEN IT?

YEAH.

IT'S JUST FIVE DUDES AND A PIECE OF FURNITURE

HAVING A GREAT TIME.

THERE'S NOTHING GAY ABOUT IT. THIS IS WHAT DUDES DO.

THEY HAVE MADE OTTOMAN HUMPING A SPORT.

AND THEY ARE THE DREAM TEAM.

[voice echoing] LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

PLEASE WELCOME YOUR STARTING LINEUP.

FROM ALABAMA, HIS PATENTED MOVE IS THE MISSIONARY LUMBAR.

PLEASE WELCOME RELENTLESS.

THREE YEARS IN THE GAME,

GIVE IT UP FOR MR. CORNER POCKET HIMSELF,

X2C.

HE'S NOT A REAL PLUMBER. HE'S THE PUMA POUNCER.

PLEASE WELCOME PIPELAYA.

SEVEN YEARS STRONG, SPECIALIZING IN FUTONS.

IT'S THE OFFSHORE DRILLER, HERE'S PRE$$URE.

HE'S NOT LEGALLY ALLOWED WITHIN 100 YARDS

OF A FURNITURE STORE.

LADIES, IT'S SATISFAKTION.

[normal voice] EVERY TEAM NEEDS A GREAT SIXTH MAN,

A ROLE PLAYER.

THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.

GIVE IT UP FOR ME, DANIEL TOSH,

AKA PEACH SHERBET.

[sultry music]

YEAH.

FINALLY SOMEONE'S TAKING CARE OF HER NEEDS.

I GET THE JOKE. THE WHITE GUY GOES DOWN.

[sighs]

MOVING ON TO MY FAVORITE SEGMENT,

REAL OR FAKE?

[spraying]

- [laughs]

- OH, HE HAS SCISSORS.

- OH, MY GOD.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THIS JUST--

- [bleep] GONNA KILL HIM.

- I HAVE TO GO TO THE [bleep] HOSPITAL, WALLACE.

- YEAH, WELL, NEXT TIME I'M DOING YOUR HOMEWORK,

MAYBE YOU DON'T COME UP AND SPRAY ME IN THE FACE, JERK.

THIS VIDEO IS REAL, BELIEVE IT OR NOT.

WE DID SOME RESEARCH.

I DON'T THINK IT'S REAL.

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO TELL IF IT'S REAL.

TOTALLY REAL...

ON THE 11TH TAKE.

TIME FOR THE PIC OF THE WEEK.

AND BRACE YOURSELF, THREE, TWO, ONE.

[audience groans]

I'M NOT A DERMATOLOGIST,

BUT I THINK SOMEONE MISSED A STEP

IN THEIR PROACTIV ROUTINE.

ALL RIGHT, NOW IT'S THROBBING.

IS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?

IS YOUR PILLOW MADE OF PIZZA?

I THINK IT'S GONNA BLOW.

LOOK OUT, NEW ORLEANS.

[audience oohs]

WHAT?

THAT COULD BE THE CAUSE OF THE LEVEES BREACHING.

ALL RIGHT, IT'S WEDDING SEASON.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS--

TIME FOR ME TO THINK OF EXCUSES

WHY I WON'T BE GOING TO YOUR SPECIAL DAY.

[klezmer music]

*

[laughter]

DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?

ALL RIGHT, CAN WE SEE JUST THE DISTURBING PART AGAIN?

*

AT LEAST WE KNOW WHO'S GETTING FULL CUSTODY OF THE CHILDREN.

YOUR HONOR, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT EXHIBIT "A"

IN THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.

[applause]

- IT LOOKS LIKE A TYPICAL EASTERN EUROPEAN WEDDING.

OKAY, RIGHT HERE.

PAY ATTENTION TO CHRIS BROWN'S BUDDY.

HE KNOWS WHAT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN.

HE'S SEEN LENNY LOSE IT TOO MANY TIMES BEFORE.

SEE, AT THIS POINT,

ALL EYES ARE ON LENNY FOR THE RIGHT REASON.

HE WAS BORN TO DANCE,

LIKE PAULA ABDUL, MICHAEL FLATLEY,

OR O.J. SIMPSON.

BUT KEEP GOING.

YEAH.

NOW SHE'S THINKING, "OKAY, HE CAUGHT ME THERE,

BUT THAT COULD'VE BEEN AN ACCIDENT."

[laughter]

"OKAY, THAT WAS NOT AN ACCIDENT.

"FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU.

"FOOL ME TWICE-- OKAY, WHAT IS GOING ON?

OKAY, I AM GETTING BEAT UP. DOES ANYONE WANT TO CUT IN?"

[sighs]

TAKE IT EASY, ZANGIEF.

THIS ISN'T STREET FIGHTER 2.

YOU DON'T GET EXTRA POINTS FOR PULLING OFF A COMBO.

[laughter]

IMMEDIATELY LENNY REALIZED

THE WORLD WAS NOT READY FOR HIS NEW MOVE.

MAYBE IF HE DANCES REAL FAST,

PEOPLE WILL FORGET THAT HE JUST SLAPPED HIS WIFE.

YEAH, AND NOW COMES DAMAGE CONTROL.

WAY TO BE A HERO, PAL.

I'M SURE THAT GENTLE HAND ON THE FOREARM

WILL REALLY NIP THAT SPOUSAL ABUSE IN THE BUD.

"DUDE, COME ON, NOT OKAY. OH, YOU WANT TO KEEP DANCING?

OKAY, BUT WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT THIS LATER."

KEEP GOING.

*

I CAN'T HEAR BECAUSE THIS AWFUL MUSIC IS PLAYING,

BUT I ASSUME HE'S SAYING, "HUDDLE UP, GUYS.

"SOME REALLY GREAT THINGS OUT THERE.

"JUST A FEW NOTES.

"LENNY, GOOD JOB ON THE SPINNING,

"SOME REALLY GREAT SPINS.

"FEEL LIKE WE LOST YOU A BIT

"WHEN YOU STARTED SLAPPING THE [bleep] OUT OF LESLIE.

"BUT TO BE FAIR, LESLIE, YOU'VE ALREADY ACCEPTED

"HIS HAIRLINE AND HIS MOUSTACHE.

LET'S JUST ADD THIS TO THE LIST."

AND FINALLY, WHY DOES THE CAMERAMAN PAN AWAY?

WEDDINGS ARE DREADFUL.

THE MOST HORRIFIC THING EVER TO HAPPEN AT A WEDDING

JUST HAPPENED,

AND FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA HERE STARTS GETTING B-ROLL.

BUT AT LEAST HE CAPTURED THE LION'S SHARE OF THE MAYHEM

AND PUT IT ON THE INTERNET,

AND FOR THAT, WE THANK YOU.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH TYRONE DAVIES.

HE'S THE KID THAT PUKES.

[applause]

- AT M.U. IN COLUMBIA,

AND WE'RE TOURING THE COUNTRY

WITH OUR FESTIVAL RIGHT NOW.

- AND ONE OF THE PICTURES THAT I KNOW RYAN WAS INVOLVED IN

WAS THE JOE AMRINE PIECE

THAT GOT A LOT OF, YOU KNOW, PUBLICITY.

[laughter]

- I'M SORRY.

- UH... - I'M, UH...

- WE'RE GONNA TAKE A COMMERCIAL BREAK.

- [sighs]

- THAT IS THE EXACT SAME REACTION I HAVE

WHEN A WOMAN IN A TURTLENECK TRIES TO TALK TO ME.

NO ONE LIKES TO PUKE, BUT IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT,

YOU MIGHT AS WELL DO IT AT 6:00 IN THE MORNING

IN FRONT OF MICHELLE LINN ON KMIZ

WHERE NO ONE IS WATCHING.

BAD NEWS FOR TYRONE DAVIES, THE INTERNET EXISTS.

NOW EVERYONE CAN TRY TO FIGURE OUT

WHAT HE HAD FOR BREAKFAST.

MY GUESS IS GO-GURT.

IN MY EXPERT OPINION, THROWING UP IS NOT THE BEST WAY

TO PROMOTE ANYTHING--

PROBABLY NOT THE WORST,

CERTAINLY IN THE BOTTOM FIVE.

SO WE FLEW TYRONE TO HOLLYWOOD

TO GIVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE TO PROMOTE HIS FILM FESTIVAL

IN THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.

[applause]

IT'S TYRONE.

HOW ARE YOU? - GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

- NICE TO MEET YOU. HAVE A SEAT.

- SURE. - DON'T THROW UP.

THAT'S OKAY.

THAT'S A JOKE,

RIGHT OUT OF THE BOX.

DO YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH?

- WELL, NOT NORMALLY.

- ON TELEVISION--

- I GUESS, WELL, LIVE TELEVISION.

- OKAY.

WELL, THIS ISN'T LIVE. - YEAH.

- SO JUST RELAX.

FIRST OF ALL, LET ME PUT ON SOME MUSIC

TO MAKE THIS--

WE HAVE SOME INCENSE CANDLES.

GINGER. GINGER'S GOOD FOR THE STOMACH.

WE HAVE TEA, AND WE HAVE A LITTLE ZEN GARDEN THERE,

IF THAT WOULD HELP YOU RELAX.

THERE YOU GO.

OH, THAT IS PEACEFUL.

I'VE BEEN ON--

WAS THAT A MORNING TELEVISION SHOW?

- YEAH. IT WAS A 6:00 A.M. SHOW.

I DON'T-- - KEEP GOING, KEEP GOING.

- SURE. - JUST IN CASE.

LET ME JUST PUT THAT NEAR YOU JUST IN CASE.

DO YOU THINK YOU COULD'VE COMPOSED YOURSELF

AND FINISHED YOUR INTERVIEW?

- UH, YEAH, I GUESS.

- SURE.

DID YOU THINK MAYBE THE DESK

WASN'T THE BEST PLACE TO THROW UP?

MAYBE TO THE SIDE?

- I GUESS I WAS LIKE A DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS.

- SURE, I MEAN, YOU'RE TALKING TO A GUY THAT'S [bleep] HIMSELF

ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION AS AN ADULT, SO...

YOU KNOW WHAT RELAXES ME?

- UH...

- I JUST QUOTE "DRINKING OUT OF CUPS."

WHO'S THIS GUY, HUH?

THIS CAPTAIN KNOTS? CAPTAIN TYING KNOTS?

ANYONE NEED SOME KNOTS TIED?

I THINK YOU'RE READY.

[whispering] I KNOW YOU'RE READY.

[normal voice] ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET THIS HELMET OFF.

THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW.

ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT?

- YEAH.

- OKAY.

AND WE'RE BACK.

WITH US TODAY IS TYRONE DAVIES.

- AND WE'RE TOURING THE COUNTRY WITH OUR FESTIVAL RIGHT NOW.

THE FREE FORM FILM FESTIVAL IS A TOURING FILM EVENT.

[dramatic music]

*

WE'RE ALSO CURRENTLY DOING A--

WE'RE ALSO CURRENTLY DOING--

*

WE HOPE THAT FILMMAKERS WILL CHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE

AND FIND OUT HOW TO SEND WORK TO US.

- ANYTHING ELSE?

[dramatic orchestral music]

*

- I THINK THAT'S IT.

- GREAT.

AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[indistinct whispering]

- AND WE'RE CLEAR.

- AAH! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

YOU NAILED IT.

[Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee plays]

*

[applause]

I KNOW, I KNOW,

A BIT ANTICLIMACTIC.

HE DIDN'T PUKE.

BUT TYRONE AND I WENT OUT AND CELEBRATED

THE ONLY WAY A WEB SHOW KNOWS HOW--

BY DOING THE MILK-GALLON CHALLENGE.

THAT'S RIGHT, ONE GALLON OF MILK

IN UNDER AN HOUR.

LET'S PARTY, HUH?

- AWESOME. - THERE YOU GO.

CRACK THE BOTTLE.

DOWN THE HATCH.

COME ON, KID.

[belches]

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WOULD GO GREAT WITH THIS,

SOME COOKIES.

- UGH. - FEELS GOOD, DOESN'T IT?

TOP OF THE WORLD.

- WHOO.

- SORRY. SORRY, TYRONE.

- THAT'S ALL RIGHT. - BUT I LOVE TO PARTY!

- [coughing]

- IT'S ALL RIGHT.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

- I FORGOT TO TELL YOU

MY STOMACH LINING BLEEDS SOMETIMES.

WHOO!

- WHAT'S THE WEBSITE?

[belches]

- FREEFORMFILM.ORG.

- OH.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

IT'S A LOT OF FUN.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH FRED WILLARD.

[cheers and applause]

male announcer: AND NOW IT'S TIME

FOR THE PRANK OF THE WEEK.

- YOU SON OF A BITCH!

I'LL BEAT YOUR MOTHER[bleep] HEAD OFF,

YOU SON OF A BITCH!

YOU STUPID BASTARD!

YOU [bleep]DAMN SON OF A BITCH.

WHAT ABOUT ALL THE [bleep] WATER

ON THE [bleep]DAMN FLOOR?

- [laughs]

- [bleep]DAMN--OH, YOU--

YOU GIVE ME THE [bleep] TAPE OUT OF THAT DAMN CAMERA,

OR I'M GONNA TAKE IT AND THROW IT THROUGH THE DAMN WALL,

YOU STUPID--

announcer: AND THAT WAS THE PRANK OF THE WEEK,

BROUGHT TO YOU BY BURGER KING.

HAVE IT YOUR WAY LATE AT NIGHT.

[cheers and applause]

- WELCOME BACK. I'M ON TV.

IT'S TIME FOR BEFORE THE INTERNET.

DO YOU REMEMBER A TIME BEFORE THE INTERNET?

OH, IT WAS AWFUL FOR PORN.

I USED TO HAVE TO GO TO THE THEATER TO SEE A MOVIE.

AND I'M SURE WE CAN ALL RELATE TO THIS.

[woman moaning]

- OOH-OOH!

- OOH, HELL NO. THAT IS EXIT ONLY.

- NOW, THAT'S A WOMAN WHO LOVES HER MAN.

- PLEASE, I AM TRYING TO MASTURBATE.

[sighs]

CAN YOU BELIEVE THESE PEOPLE?

MAY I?

I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY KEEP MAKING NEW PORN ANYWAY.

THEY ALL END THE SAME WAY.

AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW THEY END,

WE CREATED A COMPREHENSIVE DATABASE ON OUR WEBSITE,

WHERE YOU CAN TYPE IN ANY TITLE OF ANY PORN EVER MADE,

AND WE'LL TELL YOU HOW IT ENDS.

[whispering] SHE GETS [bleep] ON.

[laughter]

ALL RIGHT.

DID I SPOIL IT FOR EVERYONE?

LIVE VIA WEB CHAT,

PLEASE WELCOME FRED WILLARD.

[cheers and applause]

HEY, BUDDY.

- HI, DANIEL. ARE YOU THERE?

HELLO? - YEAH, FRED, I'M HERE.

HOW'S IT GOING? - HELLO?

- [laughs] FRED, HOW--

- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

AM I SUPPOSED TO SEE YOU? I DON'T SEE--

I SEE NOTHING HERE. - FRED, WE SEE--

- HONEY, I THINK THE MICROWAVE

MIGHT BE INTERFERING WITH THIS THING.

- NO, I'M POSITIVE IT'S NOT THAT.

FRED, TELL US ABOUT--

- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

AND I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.

- MAYBE IF I TALK LOUDER.

- I DON'T THINK THIS IS WORKING.

DID THE CAT PLAY AROUND WITH THIS CAMERA, HON?

- FRED.

- I WANT TO TELL THEM ABOUT THE LITTLE VIDEO I MADE

ABOUT MY CELEBRITY PHOTOS.

IT'S PRETTY UNIQUE.

OH, HERE'S THE PLUG.

- OKAY, FRED, PLEASE, TELL US ABOUT YOUR CLIP.

- [mouthing words]

- HERE'S A MINUTE WITH FRED WILLARD.

- WHEN I STARTED OUT AS AN ACTOR,

I REALIZED I WAS GETTING VERY SELF-INVOLVED,

AND A FRIEND OF MINE SAID, "FRED, GET A HOBBY.

"BUY A CAMERA.

"YOU'RE GONNA MEET A LOT OF CELEBRITIES OVER THE YEARS.

TAKE PICTURES. THEY'LL BE CHERISHED MEMORIES."

AND SURE ENOUGH, TWO WEEKS LATER,

I WAS IN TIMES SQUARE, AND I MET CHARLIE CHAPLIN.

I SAID, "SIR, WOULD YOU HONOR ME

BY TAKING A PHOTO?"

WHICH HE TOOK WITH HIS TREMBLING HANDS,

AND I STILL VALUE THIS PICTURE TODAY.

I GOT A LOT OF PICTURES HERE.

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN I MET IN A RESTAURANT IN TORONTO.

HE TOOK A PICTURE, INTERRUPTED HIS MEAL.

HERE'S ME MEETING KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR,

WHO'S A HECK OF A LOT TALLER THAN I THOUGHT HE WAS.

YOU SEE, I WAS STARING AT HIS BELT BUCKLE

THAT SAID "WORLD'S CHAMPION" SOMETHING.

THERE'S A PICTURE OF ME THE DAY MY DAUGHTER WAS BORN,

WHICH I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER.

TOM HANKS WAS AT THE HOSPITAL.

AND I ASKED HIM TO TAKE THE PICTURE.

HE WAS VERY GRACIOUS.

AND HERE'S A BEAUTY.

JOHN LENNON TOOK A PICTURE OF ME AND YOKO ONO.

IT'S NOT THE YOKO ONO,

BUT IT'S ANOTHER YOKO ONO.

- MR. WILLARD, WE DON'T MEAN TO INTRUDE.

- WE ARE SUCH BIG FANS.

- WE WATCHED YOU LAST NIGHT THROUGH YOUR BEDROOM WINDOW.

- BUT WE DIDN'T WANT TO TROUBLE YOU.

- THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

- WELL, COULD WE TROUBLE YOU NOW FOR A PICTURE?

- SURE.

THERE YOU GO.

AND...

HAVE A NICE DAY.

- THANK YOU VERY MUCH, FRED.

[applause]

HEY, UH, GO TO OUR WEBSITE AND UPLOAD YOUR OWN VIDEOS

FOR A CHANCE TO BE OUR VIEWER VIDEO OF THE WEEK.

THIS WEEK'S SUBMISSION COMES TO US

FROM FIVESECONDFILMS.COM.

CAN YOU GUESS HOW LONG THEIR CLIPS ARE?

THEY'RE FIVE SECONDS.

THEIR CLIPS ARE SO SHORT,

WE ARE AIRING OUR FIRST-EVER DOUBLE FEATURE

IN OUR VIEWER VIDEO SEGMENT.

- YOU GOT THE MONEY? - WHERE'S THE GIRL?

- GOT HER RIGHT HERE.

- WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE WIN BEN STEIN'S MONEY.

[applause]

[banjo music]

*

[applause]

- [sighs]

LET ME GET A MINI VODKA.

'CAUSE I'M GETTING [bleep] UP TONIGHT!

JUST GOT PAID UP OUT THIS BITCH.

[applause]

- OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.

MAKE SURE YOU WATCH NEXT WEEK

WHEN "SCARLET TAKES A TUMBLE" GETS A WEB REDEMPTION.

AND IF I HAVE MY WAY, NO ONE'S TAKING A TUMBLE.

THAT WAS REAL.

AND ALSO MAKE SURE YOU GO TO OUR WEBSITE,

COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0,

WHERE WE ARE RELEASING A NEW DAVID KOECHNER

FLOWER SHOP SHORT TONIGHT.

AND CHECK OUT THE PORN SPOILER ALERT DATABASE.

I LEAVE YOU WITH THE UNSUNG HEROES OF THE INTERNET.

PEOPLE GET HURT ON THE INTERNET ALL THE TIME,

BUT IT'S WHAT THEY GET HURT ON

THAT TOSH.0 WOULD LIKE TO TIP ITS HAT TO.

THIS WEEK, IT'S THE TREADMILL.

HERE'S A MASH-UP OF SOME OF YOUR BEST MOMENTS.

[rock music]

*

OH, SOLID WORK, TREADMILL. SOLID WORK.

GOOD NIGHT. SEE YOU GUYS NEXT WEEK.

[cheers and applause]

Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com

WHAT--WHAT HAPPENED--

HOW WAS THE NEWSCASTER AFTER THE CAMERAS HAD CUT

AND YOU WENT TO COMMERCIALS?

- SHE GRABBED THE SIDES OF HER HEAD AND STARTED SCREAMING.

- REALLY? - YEAH.

SHE WASN'T--

WELL, NO ONE WOULD BE EXPECTING THAT, BUT, UM--

- THAT'S MORE BIZARRE THAN YOU THROWING UP,

IS HAVING HER JUST,

"AAH!"

- YOUR VOMIT LOOKED WHITE. - MM-HMM.

HAVE YOU ONLY SEEN IT ONLINE? - YES.

CAN YOU SEE IT IN IMAX?

SHE'S SUCH A BITCH, MISS SAND.

DRINKING OUT OF CUPS, BEING A BITCH.

I BET HER FIST-- I BET HER--

[mumbling nonsensically]

A KID IN THE BACKGROUND GOING [bleep] CRAZY.

WHO'S THIS GUY, HUH?

COME ON, BUDDY. - WELL, IF YOU'RE TAPPING OUT--

- I'M TAPPING OUT. I'M TAPPING OUT.

I'M TAPPING OUT. I'M TAPPING OUT.

I'M DONE. I THINK TOGETHER--

TOGETHER WE DRANK A GALLON.

OH, BAD IDEA.