Original subtitles

- Previously, on "The Real

- Previously, on "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills":

- All right, well, cheers

to trying to put a wedding together

in less than a week.

[laughs] - I know, right?

We're doing it.

- When you met him, was it like instant attraction?

- Well, he has a very big penis.

- Oh, my God, stop. - Okay, then!

- What's the dress vibe gonna be for your 50th?

- Fabulous at 50!

Happy birthday!

You've been on this journey with me

through the highs and lows.

- I really feel like Lisa Vanderpump is going

to try to turn this all around on me

and not admit what she's done,

and I don't know how to move on from it.

I feel betrayed by you.

- Okay, well, I feel betrayed by you, too.

- Oh, 'cause I couldn't carry out your plan?

Sorry.

- Lisa is going through a lot, so I just think we should

give her some elasticity.

- How much do I have to take?

A friend doesn't do that to someone.

[upbeat music]

- In the game of life, it's Rinna take all.

♪ ♪

- Most people talk about their fantasies.

I'm living mine.

- In business and in life,

I wear many hats and hairstyles.

- You can stab me in the back,

but whilst you're there, kiss my ass.

- I'm not afraid of hard work,

but I'll never do your dirty work.

- My problem with the tabloids?

My real life is so much juicier.

- In Beverly Hills, the truth always

has a way of rising to the top.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Tell me you're ready to get your mind blown.

- Yeah, I'm really excited.

♪ ♪

all: Hello!

- It smells good in here!

- [indistinct] - Ah!

Nice to see you. - Hi!

- The gang is all here, I love it.

- Look at all these creatives.

- All the cool kids. - All the cool kids.

Okay.

- You guys, we're going on tour.

As you already know. - I'm really excited.

Chicago is sold out... - Yeah!

- So that's super good.

- And we're doing something that we haven't done before

in the "Pretty Mess" tour.

Many costume changes.

- We're embarking on a 15-city tour.

This is what we've always dreamed of.

- The inspiration for this

was something that's strong and tough.

- But still moody,

because that's what the first music was about.

It was very clubby. - Right.

- Mikey and I created an hour-long show

told in three acts.

New material, vintage Erika Jayne--

meaning the beginning--

and then new material at the end.

It's fabulosity.

- So the show starts with, like, an urban girl,

Barbie, Hello Kitty, pinked,

"Around the Way Girl" fantasy.

- [gasps] Gladiator! - So it's like a gladiator.

Slit all the way up both sides so you can squat.

- Having come from, you know, basements, clubs,

you're changing costumes

in the hallway, in the bathroom.

- The show is happening!

The stage is wet, baby.

We need towels, now.

- This one time there was, like, lube on the stage.

Everybody was sliding all around.

I mean, that sh--'s dangerous, let's be honest.

Oh, wait, what is this?

- So this--it's actually a little bit of an homage

to the latex thing you wore in Berlin.

[tires squealing]

[funky music]

- This is ----ing dope.

It's so good, babe.

- And then blackout, you magically appear.

- Oh, sh--! [all laughing]

- A ----ing hood! - Right?

- Yeah!

I mean, arms covered, boobs up,

legs out, waist in.

It's not science.

Ass out.

I love this. I am so blown away.

- I feel like we should celebrate.

- We should celebrate.

Oh, no way!

Come here, honey, I'll do it. I'm a professional.

[cork pops]

- Whoo! - Yes!

- Let me pour you all some champs.

- Well, "Pretty Mess," to selling out.

all: Selling out.

- It's 5:00 somewhere. [all laugh]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, honey. - How are you?

- You look so cute. Look at you.

How are you? - How are you?

- Good!

Oh, should we go do some shopping?

- We need to find Denise a wedding gift.

- I know.

- I'm just telling you that a shopping excursion with you--

I know I'll be carrying your bags out to your car.

[laughing]

- I really can't have this reputation.

♪ ♪

all: Hi! - Hi, ladies.

So cute in here. - It's so cute, isn't it?

- How are you? - Good, how are you?

- We were just talking about that.

- We don't have to get one

because we don't even know her taste.

All I know is that she likes tequila.

[all laughing]

- Well, Lisa and I were going to meet her,

and then she showed up with Aaron.

She was saying, like, the funniest things.

She kept talking about the size of Aaron's penis.

both: No! - Yeah.

- He offers a very good service.

Aside from his big penis.

[all laughing] - In front of him!

- Yes!

You guys, no, seriously, with the way that it was going,

anything could happen at this wedding.

I'm just warning you.

- What about the fact that she's planning her wedding

in two days?

- I can't even go because we have the agency's

seven-year anniversary party.

- Oh, my God. - And I can't not be there.

I mean, this is like 800 people.

I am so disappointed I'm gonna miss the wedding

because I'm so curious what kind of wedding

you can pull off in two days.

Where's the dress?

The food? The flowers?

The people? How are you gonna do this?

I can't go, but I do want pictures.

What's going on in my head right now

is a disaster.

I can pull off a party really fast.

A wedding, I don't think I could do.

♪ ♪

- Hi, how are you? - Hi!

- I'm Denise. - Hi, Matthew.

- Matthew, it's so nice to meet you.

This is so pretty. - Oh, thank you.

- I love this.

I didn't even know you guys were back here.

- Oh. - This is a hidden gem.

- Hey, mama. - Hello.

- How are you? - Good, how are you?

- Good. So pretty.

- Isn't this amazing? - Beautiful.

I'm Mikey, nice to meet you. - Hi, Matthew.

- Sorry, I thought you guys had met.

- No, not yet. - This is the groom.

- Wanna get started? - Yeah.

♪ ♪

This is, like, out of a storybook.

This is house is on-- really amazing.

Most people plan a wedding six months, a year,

two years out, and here we are a few days before our wedding.

It's so not what you imagine

also in, uh, Malibu, too, right?

What needs to happen for us to pull off the wedding,

we need, first of all, a place to get married.

We need catering.

We need flowers, music,

and a couple other things.

- Usually there's an aisle in line with that brick pathway,

and then you have chairs on either side.

Receptions are usually on the other side.

You can hold more guests there.

- As a little girl, I knew when I got married that I wanted

to have something, like, really fancy and beautiful.

We don't know how many guests will be coming.

- Oh, okay. - [laughs]

But I've had the big Hollywood wedding before.

Giorgio Armani flew me to Italy, designed my dress.

Lots of paparazzi were there.

The wedding was much better than the marriage.

[laughs]

I love it. - I love it.

- And it's two minutes from our house.

- I know, and it's available. - And this is available.

- Well, when do you want to get married?

- September 8th.

- September 8th? - Yeah.

- Wow, that--that's right around the corner.

- We have two days.

We're gonna set you up to a challenge.

Do you think you can do this in two days?

- This is gonna be a world record.

[all laughing]

- See? Are we out of our minds?

- Well, we can pull stuff together fast.

Aaron really wants to get married

with the number eight in the date.

- So numerology, if you add it all up?

It's infinity. Eight.

- So is that a-- a good luck number?

- What do you think? Infinity, babe.

- It just so happens that his divorce was final

two weeks before September 8th.

Just, like, "(BLEEP) it, let's just do it."

It's really beautiful and so magical.

- I love it. - I do, too.

I think this is a no-brainer.

We'll take it. - We'll take it.

- Sold.

- Now we gotta make sure we can get all the other elements

done by then, too.

- Oh, boy.

[funky music]

- If she pulls this off, it's gonna be a miracle.

- I didn't have a big wedding.

I mean, it was just my family,

but it still took me six months.

- PK and I were living in LA,

we were getting married in New York,

and our wedding planner lived in London, okay?

That was stressful in and of itself.

So stressful.

I loved my wedding to PK.

It was a Gatsby-themed roaring '20s.

I wore an Oscar de la Renta wedding gown.

It was at the Rainbow Room in New York City.

It was...

one of the best moments in my life,

and one of the most beautiful memories.

- So you're--you're gonna see Lisa at Denise's wedding.

- Here's the thing: I think it'll be fine

'cause her and I can both just coexist.

I said my piece already,

so I don't have anything else to say.

- She might make some jabs, or she'll ignore you.

I mean, as far as we're concerned, I don't know.

- It's not fun for me to be stuck in the middle

of my friendship with Lisa

and my friendship with the other ladies.

I tried getting Teddi and Lisa together

to have a conversation so they could hear each other out

and hopefully make up.

- I was thinking and wondering--and I don't know

how open you guys are, you know, going to be to it--

but if you guys would want to get together to meet--

- Frankly, I've got no interest

in doing that right now.

Although, thanks anyway. - Okay.

- I don't have anything else I need to say to her.

- You tried. "A" for effort.

- Maybe I'm being selfish, but it would make my life

a lot easier if Lisa and Teddi were okay.

And Dorit and Lisa.

Ooh, look at these.

- Like a little four-pack or something?

- Is this the bucket that goes with them?

- Oh, that's pretty. - You know what, girls?

I'm gonna get the tequila,

and you get the stuff that goes with the tequila.

- Oh, that's a good idea.

- And you guys can just mail it, right?

- We'll have it delivered, yeah.

I'll just put it on my card and you can Venmo me.

- Well, the--the wedding should be interesting,

that's for sure.

- Yeah, and I'm sure there won't be any issue

at somebody's wedding.

- Yeah, no one's gonna do that.

Cut to. - Wait a minute.

- Being thrown in the ocean.

[all laughing]

- Coming up...

- Okay, I need a new kitchen.

I don't mind paying an extra $300,000 for it.

- $300,000 now?

[funky music]

♪ ♪

- [grunts]

I'm exhausted!

[sighs]

I'm really busy. That has never changed.

I go to QVC once a month...

You throw it on and you're five seconds to fabulous.

- 5,500 already ordered. - Oh, my goodness.

- It's today and today only at this price.

- My hustle's still going real strong.

I just ----ing do it, because you know why?

I support my family.

And the business is huge,

way bigger than anybody realizes.

[clears throat]

[phone line ringing]

Hello!

- You look so pretty! Are you in Philadelphia?

- I am.

I'm just here, you know, selling away.

And I will make it home for your wedding.

- I'm so excited! - Thank goodness.

I wouldn't miss it. Are you kidding?

- Aww, thank you.

- I don't think Denise is rushing into it,

because I know what Denise has gone through

and I've seen her struggle.

I would have married Harry that quick, but he just

wouldn't marry me that fast.

Do you think--

- I just want it about us and the kids.

If things aren't perfect, that's okay.

- Ah, Denise, your attitude is amazing.

[laughs]

- Well, I've gone through a lot, Lisa.

The--the other wedding we planned out to a "T,"

and it didn't go so well.

- Harry and I got married at the house,

and it was perfect.

We were in a circle, so we were in the middle

and everybody was around us holding candles.

So the entire wedding was lit by candlelight.

Like, amazing.

Well, I'm sending... - Me, too.

- Sending--sending you lots of good-wedding vibes,

and prayers, and blessings, and love.

- Thank you so much, and I'll see you Saturday.

- Okay, honey, love you. [blows kiss]

- Bye.

[upbeat pop music]

♪ ♪

- You are gonna love it.

- What is it called? "Cooper Pacific"?

- Hello. - Hi, Lisa.

- This is my husband, Ken. - Ken.

- Hi, how are you? - Nice to meet you.

- How are you? - Thanks for coming in.

- You're welcome.

So, Ken...

he doesn't think I need a new kitchen.

- I know you don't need a new kitchen.

- The units aren't good,

the drawers, the closure-- and also, it's dark.

This is a chicken soup that I made

in the kitchen that I hate.

- I know you hate it,

but the food comes out pretty well.

[lid clanks]

Pretty tasty.

- I want it bright, I want it white,

and this is the kitchen I really love.

I love these taps. I love that.

I love this big white sink.

- You're so funny, you were all sad at home.

And you come here and you're all happy.

- Because I want this, and I deserve this,

and I've had a horrible time.

- Just--just depends whether I can afford happy.

- I think if I've learned anything as of late,

it's to do what makes you happy.

Surround yourself by people and things

that make you happy.

It's depressing in my kitchen, it's dark.

- Well, let's do something a little lighter.

- I want, like, either pink or white.

There is no room in my life right now

for any negativity.

- I know you're not gonna take any ownership for your part.

If you can live with yourself doing this, then go for it.

It's been working for you for a long time.

- [gasps] - Okay, I'm fine with that.

It's an investment, because it's adding

to the value of the house.

It's a little bit more than 200, one might say.

- It could be up from that a bit.

- Somebody's gonna come in the house,

in the unlikely event that we sell it--

they're gonna say, "I've got to have this house

"because this kitchen is so bloody amazing

that I don't mind paying an extra $300,000 for it."

- $300,000 now.

Three hundred grand's a bit steep, isn't it?

If I say yes,

will you be really happy when we leave here?

- Ecstatic.

- Oh, great. I've got a great night ahead.

- [giggling]

I think sunlight and white sparkly...

is gonna be good for the soul.

Maybe not so good for the bank account,

but good for the soul.

- Steven... - Thank you.

- Thank you. - It's been a pleasure.

- Don't let me down. - We'll see you soon.

- I love it. Thanks, Steven.

[funky pop music]

♪ ♪

- So we got the... - The marriage license.

- The marriage license.

So after the ceremony, um, you just sign there.

- Right there, that's it. - Okay.

- That's all you do.

I definitely feel like the clock is ticking.

Trying to pull everything together

has been really hectic.

- Do you want, like, a buffet or a served dinner?

- Probably a buffet is probably easier.

We need to do a cake.

Let's do a cake.

We want the music to be who we are,

and not what's traditional.

- Can we get a dunk tank?

- No, we're not gonna have a little carnival.

My dress is still not even here at the house,

so I am praying when my dress shows up tomorrow

that it actually fits.

- Are any of you, like, exes gonna be there?

- One of my ex-boyfriends will be there,

but we're very good friends.

- I reached out to her ex-husband...

- Yeah.

- And, uh, it's-- it's to be determined.

- No matter what's gone down with Charlie and I,

I invite Charlie to everything

having to do with the kids and I.

And even if he did bring a prostitute as his date,

I wouldn't care.

It's just, you know-- it is what it is.

Now, also, for the ceremony, I wanted to light a candle

in honor of my mom.

Just letting everyone know that, um...

this is in her memory and in honor of her,

and that we know that she's here with us,

and that she'd be very happy.

I was so close to my mom.

My mom had me when she was 17 years old.

We were just best friends.

It was 13 years ago that she passed away,

and it's still hard, you know?

I went through a lot these last quite a few years,

and I know she would have loved Aaron.

She would have been so happy for me and the girls.

But that's part of life.

Oh, God. [clicks tongue]

[sniffs]

- That brings us, then, to the girls.

So is there anything special you would like me to say

besides, like, a scripture for the girls?

- I wish we had more time to go through stuff with them.

- Yeah.

- Because it--it came on so fast, and we're...

- Mm-hmm.

- You know, I--I feel like we really kind of did

a little bit of disservice telling them.

- I waited to tell the girls two days before the wedding

because I think I was afraid

of my teenage daughters judging me.

[laughs] Even though that sounds weird.

We're so excited you're doing this.

Thank you so much.

All right, baby, I'm gonna walk him out.

The girls! Some of you.

- Hey, Lola.

- In hindsight, we should have told them a while ago

that we were planning on getting married.

I--I really regret that part.

Is that going with your dress?

I love that.

But it's the norm in Hollywood to be married more than once,

so Sami and Lola finding out that I'm getting married

in two days, well... [clicks tongue]

It's not so abnormal in our family.

[laughs] It's our normal.

- Lola. - Yeah?

- Here's a present.

- Pretty.

It's so pretty. - You like it?

- Yeah. Thank you so much.

- You're welcome.

- The girls definitely accept Aaron.

They adore him.

Eloise, what did you get?

- Here you go.

How is that? Is it cute?

Let's see. Yeah?

- I give Aaron a lot of credit.

He doesn't have children,

and he has just fit right in with our family.

And that's--it's challenging, and I--it says a lot about him,

which made me fall in love with him even more,

that he's not even fazed by any of this.

I forgot to tell you, we're-- we have to set everything up.

- What? - [laughs]

- We're doing it? - Yeah.

Because it was so last minute, we have to set it all up.

- Oh, my God.

Are you for real? - No, I'm joking.

- Holy sh--. - Did you really think--

- You just about gave me a heart attack.

I'm like, "Oh, my God." - You could do it.

- Coming up...

- I'm not having any drama today.

- Here they are.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- I'm so glad the location is so close.

- I know, it's great. - It's nice to get ready here.

Well, where is the sunshine?

- It's coming.

- You look like a princess.

- Aww, thank you.

- I used the black, like, really sticky, but it'll--

if you cry, it's the only one that was resistant

to, um, saline, which is salt water for your--

- I'm not gonna cry. - You might.

What--why are you laughing?

Like, you don't even-- you're like, "Whatevs."

- I have no idea what the venue looks like.

I don't know if flowers showed up.

I don't know if there's music.

We didn't do a rehearsal.

I'm actually nervous that nobody's gonna show up

because this is so last-minute.

I'll take a picture.

- Mom, don't take a photo of this.

- Oh, wait, that's towards me.

- Mom, stop. - What?

You look pretty.

Look at your eyeball.

- Mom, stop it. - [laughs]

♪ ♪

- Hi, girl.

Do you recognize this?

- Oh, shut up! [squeals]

No way! Erika!

- Yeah, I did this... [laughs]

That's why I'm late.

I wanted to put on my Lisa Rinna jumper.

Hi, Lola! - I am ---- dying. I'm dying!

Oh, my God!

- I'm going to someone's wedding,

so I can't really show out.

It's all about Denise, not about me.

Even though it's black to a wedding,

don't read too much into it.

You know, it's still chic.

- That look so, so sassy on you.

- Right? - ----ing love it.

With those shoes? Girl!

Erika Jayne has the most fabulous clothes of anyone.

- Erika Girardi!

Oh, my Lord.

- How's this looking? - Let's see.

- Yeah. - Whoo!

- I heard someone called for a dominatrix.

- And she made an effort to put on

my poly-span jumpsuit.

It's so-- - No, I know, it's great.

- It's so exciting!

[upbeat pop music]

♪ ♪

- I don't know where we're supposed to go.

- I think we go down... - Oh, down there?

I can't believe they pulled all of this together this fast.

- It's beautiful. What time's the actual wedding?

4:00?

- No, 2:00.

We have to leave at 4:00.

♪ ♪

Think I'm gonna skip the lemonade

and go for a alcoholic beverage.

Can I have a glass of champagne?

♪ ♪

- How cool is this?

That's so special.

I love that.

I'm excited for my own wedding,

but Denise beat me to the altar!

I think it's fantastic.

She's been through a lot, and she deserves happiness.

- I love weddings. - Me, too.

I love weddings.

- You look gorgeous. [kisses]

- Oh, Camille, you look so beautiful.

- Thank you. - You look gorgeous.

Today's the first time I'm going to see Lisa Vanderpump,

but I will do my best to just be cordial

and, you know, pull it together.

50th birthdays I can ruin, but weddings?

Come on.

♪ ♪

- Oh, there's my dad.

Dad, here, can...

So, I--I wasn't gonna have you walk me down the aisle

because I feel like I'm

the oldest bride in Los Angeles.

- You're not. - I am.

So I was just gonna go with the girls and Aaron.

- That's perfect.

- But I want you to light a candle for Mom.

Are you okay to do that? - Yeah, that's fine.

- I don't want to hurt your feelings.

- Nah, don't... [stammers, laughing]

- My dad and I are so close.

We always have been.

My father came to stay with the girls and I

when they were little after my mom passed away.

Charlie was going through a lot of stuff.

My dad ended up staying for five years.

- You know, it's already 2:00.

- I know, it starts at 2:00.

- [laughs] You're late for your own wedding.

- That's okay. [both laughing]

- Yeah, they can't start without you, right?

- I have to go get dressed.

♪ ♪

- So, congratulations, Denise.

- Right?

So I don't really know what to expect.

- I know Kyle's not coming. - She's not?

- She's at the agency party with 400 people at her house.

- Oh, sh--, I didn't know that.

- Teddi's coming for a brief moment.

She had planned a birthday party

months in advance.

I've gotta leave at 4:00.

- How about LVP? Will she come?

- Don't know. I haven't talked to Lisa.

Kyle told me that she went to dinner

with Denise and Aaron and, um, Vanderpump,

and Denise had had a cocktail or two.

And then she kind of talked about Aaron's--

the size of Aaron's penis, but in a good way.

- So Vanderpump must have been frothing at the mouth.

- That's what I said.

I said, "She must have loved that."

But they had a really nice time.

And nobody talked about dog drama, so that's good.

- That's a plus. - Right?

- That dog is fine. Move on.

It's Denise's wedding, and no one should do one thing.

Everyone should be on their very best behavior.

I'd be happy if we never talked about that again,

but I know that that's just a pipe dream.

♪ ♪

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- This is gonna be a celebratory day.

By the way, I have no idea what drama is going on right now.

- I'm not having any drama today.

- Thank you.

- Watch your step. - Now where do we go?

- Down to the water.

- Oh, how sweet. Isn't it?

- Oh, you're sweating?

Why don't you take your jacket off?

[indistinct chatter]

- Perfect.

- I'm not thrilled to see the other women,

and after Camille's birthday

I hope that there's not a repeat

of the kind of intense animosity

that transpired there.

- There he is. Here they are.

♪ ♪

- Coming up...

- What time's the ceremony?

- It's supposed to be 2:00.

- I'm so late.

- It's hot as (BLEEP) out here.

I'm hot and I'm mad. When's it happening?

- Here they are.

- Perfect.

- Hi, how are you? - Haven't spoke in forever.

- I know right. both: Hi.

- Hi. Good to see you.

- How are you?

- Are you here to take notes? - Hello, yes.

- We're studying. - Hi!

Look at how wonderful everybody looks.

- My breasts got bigger on the way in.

- Your breasts look enormous.

- When I left the house, they were much smaller.

- I don't think an apology is anywhere in the near future.

If Vanderpump wants to joke about her boobs

and pretend that all is well, it's perfectly okay with me.

- Ken, stop looking at my chest.

You're not getting any of that later.

- You haven't exactly put them away.

- But what about yours? Come on.

- She loves an apology, but she ain't dishing 'em out.

- Stare at hers.

They--they're ones you haven't seen before.

- No, he's just so not interested.

♪ ♪

- Hey, hey, hey. - How are you?

Thank you so much for coming. - Yeah.

- Aaron's in the shower. I'm so late.

Baby? - Yeah?

- Hi, honey. - We good?

- Yeah--oh, yeah, come on in. - Okay.

- We're gonna put my dress on. - All right.

- And they brought me a sketch of it.

This is stunning.

I love this.

We have to frame it and hang it in our room or something.

You know, I didn't want to do the big traditional ball gown

because it is my second wedding.

I showed Mark pictures of what I envisioned

the dress to be like, and I don't know how

but he was able to come up with it so quick

and so fast.

It is beachy, it's who I am.

- Oh, I'm not supposed to see you.

Sorry. - You already saw it.

- Sorry. - [laughs]

[stirring music]

- I love it.

Oh, this is so pretty. I love it.

Oh, you added this.

- Yeah, 'cause I was-- it was habit.

So there's a little-- a little bit here and there.

- This is stunning, I love it.

♪ ♪

- Hi, Teddi. Nice to meet you.

- This is Rebecca. - Edwin, nice to meet you.

- Teddi, nice to meet you. You look beautiful.

- Baby, look who it is. - Thank you.

Oh, God.

How are you, Dorit?

Jerry. - Of course.

- It's great to see you. - Well, I do remember.

We did spend a couple-- - No, I know.

Just in case--a lot of people think I'm Jason Bateman,

so I just say--I say "Jerry."

- Hi, gang.

- Hey, beautiful. - How's everybody?

- I love this black jumpsuit.

- I saw you come down.

I was like, "Thank God Rebecca did the same thing!

She doesn't think it's a funeral."

- Who just grabbed my ass?

Oh!

- How are you? - I'm good, how are you?

- I'm really good. Hi, honey, how are you?

- Good, how are you?

- Here's the thing: I don't have a beef

with Vanderpump right now, so I'm not surprised

that she would come up and pinch my butt.

She can't help but touch me, grab me,

want a piece of me.

She's slightly obsessed with me.

Just slightly.

- What time's the ceremony?

- It's supposed to be 2:00.

- Oh. - Is it?

- It was supposed to be.

I mean, I feel like we were half an hour late for that.

- Uh-oh.

Denise is late to her own wedding,

and it's on Teddi's radar.

- If somebody says 4:00, it's 4:00.

I sat there for one hour.

- Don't be ridiculous, Teddi.

Denise, you'd better get here,

otherwise the punctuality police

is gonna ticket you.

- Can you get some lotion for me?

- I don't know where it would be.

I don't know if we have lotion.

- I have lotion. - Oh, can you grab some lotion?

Thank you. - Wait, Mom?

- Yeah? - Do you have any more heels?

I can't really walk in these. - No, I have no other heels.

- Oh, Sami, you look amazing.

- You're gonna have to learn how to walk in them

in two seconds.

- I can't, my ankles are like-- - I know.

They're, uh, Christian Louboutin.

You gotta figure it out. - Can I wear sneakers?

- Yeah, wear your sneakers. I don't give a sh--.

Yes. - [laughs]

- Come on.

[testy music]

- I thought it was supposed to start at two.

- Maybe she's not left home yet.

[both laugh]

I mean, I can't really blame Denise for being late

if what she says about Aaron's manhood is true.

I mean, it's a wonder that she ever gets out of bed.

- They want us to sit. - Well...

- Ken? Ken?

Save me a place. - Okay, baby.

♪ ♪

- Am I sweating through my clothes?

- I am.

It's hot as (BLEEP) out here.

I'm hot and I'm mad.

I'm "les mis."

My hair is on fire, I'm sweating,

this poly-span jumper is gonna combust.

I do wanna say this poly does not breathe!

- And she's in full-on polyester, honey.

- I feel like I'm getting burned.

I'm getting just a bit worried.

- I'm dying. I'm dying inside.

I just keep drinking.

- I can't walk in heels. - I love it.

- I can't walk in heels.

- Can I wear the dress and wear sneakers?

- It's perfect. - Huh?

- I wore this dress with sneakers.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Oh, okay.

I don't know if it looks awkward, though.

- Let's blow this popsicle stand.

We have to hurry before everyone leaves.

[groans] Whew.

Can we start the car up?

It's-- - I'm sweating.

I forgot deodorant. - Can you put the AC on for D?

Thank you. Here we go.

How are we on time? - We're good.

We're at 3:10.

- When's it happening?

- What is the time? Does anyone have a watch?

♪ ♪

- Can we get this show on the road, please?

♪ ♪

- [sighs]

- Coming up... - Patrick Muldoon!

- I met Denise with Lisa Rinna, and I heard the two of them

were shagging you at the same time and did not know.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Mom, look how pretty.

- It looks pretty. It looks like a real wedding.

I can't believe we pulled this together.

Thanks, baby.

- Oh, oh, oh! Wedding stuff's happening!

Wedding stuff, wedding stuff.

[clapping] Yes, it is.

- Oh, (BLEEP), baby. I'm nervous.

For (BLEEP) sake.

Are you? - No, I'm not, actually.

- I'm so nervous.

I don't like to be the center of attention, walking down.

That was one thing I remember, too,

when I got married to Charlie.

Eloise, come here. Hold Aaron's hand.

- Hold my hand. We're gonna go down.

- So I'm relieved for this wedding

that it will be a group going down.

This time, it's more about my marriage to Aaron

and less about the hoopla around the wedding.

Do I look like a slutty bride?

[laughing] - No, you don't.

- Things are happening. - They're coming.

[Pachelbel's "Canon in D" playing over speakers]

- Oh, here come the girls. These are her girls.

- Oh, they're walking down the aisle together.

- Oh, sweet.

- Aww.

[cheers and applause]

- So sweet.

♪ ♪

[heavy rock music playing over speakers]

♪ ♪

- That's like nothing I've ever seen.

- Thank God, Denise.

Here she comes down the aisle to heavy metal music.

- This isn't your typical here comes the ----ing bride.

- She's so adorable.

- Don't you love this song? [laughing]

- This song is awesome, I know. - Whoo!

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

- All right, here we go.

- Hey, everyone. Welcome.

On behalf of Aaron and Denise,

they want to send their heartfelt welcome

for, uh, everybody able to make this.

A wedding is a time for--for a joyous occasion

and in memory of loved ones.

And so we want to invite, uh, Irv up with a candle,

and we're gonna light this candle

in honor of Denise's mother, Joni.

- Aww.

- This is for Joni.

- This is the candle to remember Joni.

Let's bow our heads in--in honor of this occasion

as we celebrate this--this life,

this family that's being formed,

and this blessing.

[helicopter whirring]

[funky music]

♪ ♪

- Is that paparazzi?

- It's a normal Hollywood situation

to have helicopters and paparazzi

if you're gonna have an outdoor wedding in Malibu.

- Today is the 8th of September,

and as you see, we have the infinity symbol behind me,

and they're standing in the infinity symbol.

- That's the photographer I've known for years.

Oh, honey, this is going everywhere.

Look on the positive side:

There is paparazzi and there is a helicopter.

You're still doing well.

If there was no helicopter and no paparazzi,

uh-oh, time for a job.

- So that kind of fast forwards to ceremony,

the exchanging of the rings.

This ring I give in token and pledge...

- This ring I give in token and pledge...

- As a sign of my love and devotion.

- As a sign of my love and devotion.

- With this ring, I thee wed.

- With this wing--ring, I... - [laughing]

- I thee wed.

- And, Denise, this ring I give token and pledge...

- This ring I give in token and pledge...

- As a sign of my love and devotion.

- As a sign of my love and devotion.

- With this ring, I thee wed.

- With--with this ring, I-- - See, you did it, too.

- I know. [both laughing]

With this ring, I thee wed.

- Aaron and Denise,

in accordance with the laws of the state of California,

you may seal your vows with a kiss.

- Aww!

[cheers and applause]

- I now pronounce you husband and wife.

[all cheering]

- The wedding was beautiful.

It really feels like this fits Denise's personality.

And to see her just exuding excitement

and happiness and peace

is such a nice moment to witness.

[cheerful music]

- What time is it, baby?

- Uh, 4:20. - Oh, we should go.

- I need to bounce myself. - What--what do I do?

I feel weird saying good-bye right now.

- Gorgeous lady. Hello.

- Maybe if we just duck out? I think it's okay.

- No, remember, at somebody's wedding--

- I'll just send her a text. - Right.

- I want this in magnet size.

- Bye. Bye, guys.

[indistinct chatter]

- Bye, guys, see you later. - Bye, guys.

[funky music]

♪ ♪

[all cheering, chattering]

- Hi, hon. Oh, you look so pretty.

- Hi! - Thank you.

- I like the dress. - Me too.

- Popping around in your romper.

- I've never seen a romper wedding dress.

That, to me, is like, "Honey, I'm gonna do it my way."

I bow down.

Denise Richards is a legend.

Yeah, go, girl.

- When you said Charlie was gonna give you away--

- No, I was joking.

- I wondered if Charlie would be here.

I thought he would. - We did invite him.

- You did? - He was gonna come.

- Okay, I knew you would. - He wanted to come.

- I knew you would invite him. - But you saw Patrick?

- Muldoon, shut up!

Patrick Muldoon. Come here.

Muldoon, I want you to meet some of my friends.

- Oh!

- I have to tell you, I met Denise with Lisa Rinna,

and the first story I heard was that the two of them

were shagging you at the same time

and did not know.

- Patrick Muldoon.

Oh, my God.

He played my brother on "Days."

I had a little fling with him at the same time

Denise was having a little fling with him.

- And you didn't know this? - And we didn't know it.

- I want to ask you, who was better?

- Shut up! Don't you answer that!

[all chattering]

- You are so bad!

- I mean, it was so long ago... [stammers]

- So long ago.

Only she would ask that question.

- Only Lisa would ask that question.

[upbeat music]

- All right.

Look up, Eloise.

♪ ♪

- Thank you for coming. Yes, I am.

- It was very nice to meet you.

- I already said good-bye to Ken.

- Okay, I'm heading out, too, 'cause I gotta go take care

of that damn puppy.

- It makes me feel so good

that all the ladies showed up for our wedding.

And I understand that it was last minute.

I know that everyone has a life, and has commitments

and things to do.

Bye, girls. I'll see you soon.

- Love you, too.

- Lisa?

- Yes? - You leaving?

- I think--I think he's gone up there, hasn't he?

- He's gone to the toilet.

Bye, baby. - Bye.

- Today was really nice with Lisa, and it's like

everything's behind us.

Denise, my love, I just want to say good-bye, baby.

- It feels like this dog situation is finally over.

Lisa's never gonna admit to it.

I'm okay with it. I just want to move on.

And then someday, I can go back to trusting her.

- Thank you so much for coming. - Thank you, Denise.

- Thank you for coming.

- Oh, you're so beautiful, honey, I'm so happy for you.

- When you're at somebody's wedding,

you have no choice but to really get on with it.

I'm not a victim.

I want to be here, and I want to congratulate Denise.

- Thank you. - Bye, honey.

Thank you for coming. - Of course.

- Thank you. - Have the best time.

And congratulations!

- But I think they should have come to me

and apologized, really.

And if they don't want to do that, that's fine.

[mellow, upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Thank you for my new family,

and Sami and Lola for-- and Eloise for accepting Aaron.

- Thank you.

- I am, like, blown away

how the (BLEEP) we were able to put this together so fast.

I hope our future holds a life of happiness

and being together forever.

[laughter]

Is it good?

- Delicious.

- I told him, "If things ever go sideways,

"I'm not divorcing your ----ing ass

and you're not divorcing mine."

- Here's to infinity.

Love you so much, baby. - I love you so much too.

♪ ♪

- Coming up...

- Oh, my God, PK. - What?

- "Stabbed In The Back!

"Lisa 'Extra Hurt' By Longtime Friend Dorit

Over Abandoned Dog."

- Lisa must know that the truth is gonna come out.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- PK?

- Yeah?

- I need an hour with you to go over

some really important payables.

A lot of things that are happening

in the next few months, both business and kids

and family, and I know you've been traveling a lot.

And I need like a solid hour--

- You've got me, honey, I'm here.

Can we get on with it now?

Where is my phone?

What did I do with my phone?

- Oh, my God, PK. - What?

[tense music]

- Oh, my God. - What?

- There's an article that just came out.

"Stabbed In The Back!

"Lisa 'Extra Hurt' By Longtime Friend Dorit

Over Abandoned Dog."

"Lisa Vanderpump feels betrayed

"by her longtime pal Dorit Kemsley,

"who adopted a dog from Vanderpump Pets

"only to drop the animal off

at a local animal shelter shortly thereafter."

"'Dorit apologized and told Lisa that she was

"'too ashamed to bring it back to Lisa, and she did not want

to disappoint her,' the friend said."

That is so untrue.

It's not nice to have... - No, it's not nice, honey.

- Stories circulating, and particularly ones

that can be very damaging to your reputation,

to our children.

If people think that I mistreat animals, God forbid.

- God forbid, but you never would, honey.

You never would. - I know that!

But people's perception is what they read, PK,

and what they believe.

Obviously, we know that.

"Lisa was very upset over this, and still is,

because she has known Dorit and Paul for a very long time."

"She's not the type of woman

that holds onto grudges for very long."

Well, there's just about everybody in the world

that believes otherwise.

"After the chihuahua mix nipped

at one of her children--"

Oh, my God.

The only people that know it was a chihuahua mix--

because it's a rescue puppy-- was Lisa and her team.

- She's got it wrong.

She's--she's just made a mistake.

- So you think this is Lisa? - Well, who else is it?

Unless it's, like, from the Planet Zod,

or there's some clairvoyant out there.

- When I had the conversation with Lisa after we gave Lucy

and I called her the next day, Lisa's exact words were,

"So she nipped at the kids.

Well, you know, that can happen."

And I remember thinking to myself,

"That's not a word that I've ever used."

- No, "nipped" is an English word.

- I know that she's got a relationship

with Radar Online.

This has got Lisa

written all over it.

We just came from Denise's wedding.

It was like the dog business was behind us.

She kept saying, "Come, sit with me."

I mean, the entire time she wanted me by her side.

- Or maybe, in her mind, she'd done that,

so she's dealt with it.

I don't know what goes on in her mind.

- I take two steps forward

and ten back in our friendship.

- I don't know why she did that.

That article is very, very below the belt.

- Well--

- She's got some very overzealous staff

that believe that they're acting in her best interest.

And this is-- - No way, no way, no way.

Nope, don't believe it for one second.

Lisa has full control over her Vanderpuppets.

- Well, you should have it out with Lisa.

You should say to Lisa, "Why did you do this?"

- This is a whole other layer of betrayal.

I do not even know where to begin

with my friendship with this woman after this.

You know what, PK?

We'll see if she gives me a call.

- Lisa must know that the truth is gonna come out.

[dramatic music]

- Next, on "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills":

- Hey. - Hi.

So I'm with Lisa. So what happened?

- They passed. all: Yeah!

[women squealing]

- Back that ass up. Back up.

- Oh, my God! - Three, four!

- I'm dying.

- The mosquitoes can't get you, but the bears can.

- The bears can get you? - Of course they can.

- Well, why would you do that then?

- Have you ever known her to leak stuff to the press?

- I mean, everybody here knows--

- Kyle, answer the question.

Have you ever known her to leak stuff to the press?

- I'm sorry.

If I did something wrong, that doesn't mean

you wouldn't love me.

- I am not going to say, "Yes, I did something"

if I didn't do it.

- I didn't come here to fight. - Okay.

- I came here to tell you this is the overall consensus--

- No, you came here to tell me I am a liar.

- You're not her friend!

- You cannot be her friend when you say something like that.

She would never say that about you.

- Get the (BLEEP) out of my house!

I swear to you, I'm done with it.

- To learn more about the housewives,

go to bravotv.com.