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1
00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:02,295
Triumph: "THE JACK AND TRIUMPH
SHOW" IS TAPED IN FRONT
2
00:00:04,272 --> 00:00:06,672
OF A GUY WHO CAN'T BELIEVE
HE'S HERE WITH HIS MOM.
3
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:08,477
[ LAUGHTER ]
4
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:11,279
* YADUM, DA DA DUM,
HERE COMES TRIUMPH *
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00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:15,252
* GET AP A DEE WITH THE JACK
AND DUM, HEY! *
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00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:18,023
* YA-DA, YA-BE-DOO-BE-DOO
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00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:19,492
OKAY,
BUT ARE WE ALMOST DONE?
8
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,690
BECAUSE I KIND OF HAVE TO
CHECK JUNE'S LAUNDRY.
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00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:24,992
YEAH, YEAH. NOT YET, OKAY?
WIKIPEDIA'S MORE IMPORTANT.
10
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:28,055
THIS GUY GETS ALL MY COMMERCIAL
GIGS. HE'S GOT TO PAY.
11
00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:31,696
NOW, READ BACK THE LAST CHANGES.
"DENIS LEARY..."
12
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:36,942
"DENIS COLIN LEARY, BEST KNOWN
AS 'THE LEATHERY LESBIAN,'
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00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:40,310
IS A VAGINA-FLAVORED COMEDIAN
AND AUTHOR."
14
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:44,711
CHANGE "AUTHOR" TO, UH...
"ZOO-ANIMAL FLASHER."
15
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:48,545
"...AND ZOO-ANIMAL FLASHER.
16
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:52,492
"HE IS BEST KNOWN FOR HIS
GROUNDBREAKING HBO SPECIAL
17
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:58,390
ENTITLED 'THE BEST OF LOUIS C.K.
AND BILL HICKS'."
18
00:00:58,426 --> 00:01:01,156
PERFECT.
NOW GO TO "AWARDS."
19
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:02,955
[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]
OOH. OOH, OOH, OOH.
20
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:04,726
YES? HELLO?
21
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:06,725
TRIUMPH, IT'S ABE.
22
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:09,967
ARE YOU EDITING
DENIS LEARY'S WIKIPEDIA PAGE?
23
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:12,713
ABE, I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
24
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,410
IT'S -- IT'S PROBABLY
25
00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:17,412
SOME WAYWARD YOUTH
WITH TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS
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00:01:17,445 --> 00:01:20,145
BECAUSE HIS
DISCARDED FORESKIN OF AN AGENT
27
00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:23,448
THINKS THAT DENIS LEARY
IS HIS ONLY CLIENT!
28
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,394
FINE, FINE, FINE.
29
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,319
LISTEN, LISTEN.
I THINK SOMETHING DID COME UP.
30
00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:29,255
SOMEONE ASKED ABOUT YOU
A FEW WEEKS AGO HERE,
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00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:33,530
SOME -- SOME COMPANY
IN IRKUTSK, SIBERIA.
32
00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:36,361
APPARENTLY, YOUR SHOW'S
PRETTY BIG OUT THERE.
33
00:01:36,397 --> 00:01:38,227
WHAT?
WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?
34
00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:40,296
THEY WANTED YOU
AND YOUR FRIEND JACK, TOO.
35
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:43,744
AND ANYWAY, YOU DON'T WANT TO GO
ALL THE WAY TO SIBERIA.
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00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,571
NOT FOR 20 GRAND.
37
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:46,806
WHAT?
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00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:54,379
ALL RIGHT. IT'S BEEN GREAT
TALKING TO YOU, ABE.
39
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:58,085
YEAH. OKAY, BUT LOOK. HOW
ARE YOU GONNA GET JACK TO DO IT?
40
00:01:58,186 --> 00:02:01,356
I'LL FIGURE IT OUT!
41
00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:03,059
MMM.
42
00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:05,730
ANOTHER EXCELLENT
VEGAN CASSEROLE, JUNE.
43
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:09,659
WELL, JACK, I JUST HOPE
THAT YOU NEVER HAVE TO HEAR
44
00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:13,027
THE HAUNTING SOUND
OF COWS BEING KILLED.
45
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:15,566
OH, JACK ALREADY KNOWS
THOSE HAUNTING SOUNDS
46
00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:17,273
FROM THE TIME HE WALKED IN
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00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:21,065
ON YOU AND BRIAN DENNEHY
HAVING SEX BEHIND THE SET.
48
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:22,778
SO, JACK,
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00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:26,780
UH, SPEAKING OF HEALTH HAZARDS,
IS EVERYTHING OKAY AT WORK?
50
00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:29,084
IS THE BOSS
STILL RUNNING YOU RAGGED?
51
00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:31,246
MAKING YOU HAND OUT
THOSE FOLDED MAPS?
52
00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:33,445
OH, NO. ACTUALLY,
THOSE JUST SIT ON A DESK.
53
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,417
IT'S UP TO THE VISITORS
TO TAKE ONE.
54
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:37,226
SO, IT'S
OUT OF YOUR CONTROL?
55
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:39,788
THAT MUST MAKE YOU FEEL
AS POWERLESS AS JUNE'S BLADDER.
56
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:47,502
WHAT ARE YOU RANTING ABOUT,
DR. SANJAY POOPTA?
57
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:51,835
PLEASE!
HIS SKIN IS A SICKLY PINK.
58
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:55,512
HIS PULSE
IS EERILY STEADY.
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00:02:55,543 --> 00:03:00,783
[ SHUDDERS ]
CLASSIC STRESS FEVER.
60
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:04,084
OH, NO.
B-BUT I FEEL GOOD.
61
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:07,387
REALLY? DO YOU FEEL LIKE
ANY PARTICULAR AMOUNT OF MONEY?
62
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,421
I MEAN,
I GUESS I FEEL LIKE...
63
00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:10,757
A MILLION BUCKS.
A MILLION BUCKS?
64
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:13,331
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
[ GASPS ]
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00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:15,531
YOU'RE ALREADY
IN STAGE TWO.
66
00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:18,503
THIS SOUNDS LIKE BULLSHIT.
67
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:22,672
THIS IS BAD.
I'VE GOT TO RELAX, BUT QUICK.
68
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:26,143
THERE'S ONLY ONE CURE.
YOU NEED TO TAKE A VACATION.
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00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:28,813
SOMEPLACE
QUIET AND TROPICAL.
70
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:31,142
BUT WHERE?
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00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:33,308
WAIT, OF COURSE.
72
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:42,120
THE MOST RELAXING PLACE
ON EARTH -- IRKUTSK, RUSSIA.
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00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:43,755
IRKUTSK.
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00:03:45,293 --> 00:03:50,203
OH, BEACHES, WATERSLIDES,
THE CITY OF MIAMI.
75
00:03:50,298 --> 00:03:53,498
OH!
RUSSIA SOUNDS PERFECT.
76
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,844
OH, I'M GONNA DO
SOME SERIOUS RELAXING.
77
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:58,769
OH, YES.
UP TOP.
78
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:12,621
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]
OOH, BOY.
79
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:16,163
IRKUTSK IS A LOT COLDER
THAN IT LOOKS IN
POORLY LABELED FLIERS.
80
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:17,789
OH, NO.
IT'S GREAT.
81
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:20,925
I THINK THE WHOLE CELSIUS-
AND-FAHRENHEIT-CONVERSION THING
82
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,801
IS JUST THROWING YOU OFF.
OH.
83
00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:26,470
OH, WELL, LET'S CHECK INTO THE
HOTEL SO I CAN HIT THE SLIDES.
84
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:29,470
OH, WE ARE TOTES GOING TO
CHECK OUT THE HOTEL
85
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:31,413
AND MAJOR
BEACH-BUNNY ACTION.
86
00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:34,479
BUT -- BUT FIRST,
THERE'S THIS OTHER COOL PLACE
87
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:36,838
THAT OFFERS
MAJOR CHILLAXION.
88
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:39,577
* BE-BOP-BOO
89
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,353
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
90
00:04:41,349 --> 00:04:44,789
HUH. IS THIS REALLY
THE IRKUTSK HARD ROCK?
91
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:47,788
UH...YEAH, SURE, SURE.
92
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:52,361
UH, I ONLY SEE
A PICTURE OF PHIL COLLINS.
93
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,430
DOBRI-DIN,
JACK AND TRIUMPH.
94
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:55,602
OH.
95
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,369
MY NAME
IS VICTOR KOVACHENKO.
96
00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:59,628
OH, HELLO.
[ CHUCKLES ]
97
00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:01,367
HEY.
98
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:05,914
IT IS AN HONOR
TO HAVE THE...
99
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:07,479
[ SNIFFING ]
100
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:11,508
...THE STARS OF "TRIUMPH'S BOY"
HERE WITH US.
101
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:12,905
LIKE EVERYONE IN IRKUTSK,
102
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:15,616
I HAVE SEEN EVERY EPISODE
300 TIMES.
103
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:16,979
WHAT?
104
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,987
TRIUMPH,
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
105
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:22,289
YOU KNOW HOW THEY FILMED
OUR SHOW ON LOW-QUALITY TAPE
106
00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:24,830
THAT GAVE ALL THE EDITORS
MERCURY POISONING?
107
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:28,898
WELL, THAT'S ALL SIBERIAN
VIDEO MACHINES CAN HANDLE.
108
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:31,599
ISN'T IT GREAT?
WE'RE STILL BIG STARS HERE.
109
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:33,402
NOW WE ARE SO PROUD
110
00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:36,401
THAT YOU ARE MAKING
A TELEVISION COMMERCIAL FOR US.
111
00:05:36,404 --> 00:05:39,814
A COMMERCIAL?
I'M SORRY, BUT NO.
112
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,540
SHOW BUSINESS IS LIKE
AN ABOVEGROUND POOL.
113
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:45,506
I CAN'T GET INTO IT
WITHOUT GETTING HURT.
114
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:49,616
BUT, UH...
BUT JEW DOG SAID ON PHONE --
115
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:52,520
JACK, COME ON.
THESE PEOPLE LOVE US.
116
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,593
WELL, MAYBE.
117
00:05:54,622 --> 00:05:56,822
BUT WHAT ABOUT
MY WELL-EARNED VACATION?
118
00:05:56,857 --> 00:06:00,587
DON'T WORRY, JACK.
I CAN TAKE YOUR HALF OF THE FEE.
119
00:06:00,628 --> 00:06:02,798
THAT WAY, IT'S NOT EVEN
TECHNICALLY WORK.
120
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:06,030
Triumph:
* YA BA DA BOO BA BEE BA
121
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:08,696
DEYSTVIYE!
STRAS-TROI-CHA, IRKUTSK.
122
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:11,036
YOU WATCHED ME GROW UP
ON TV.
123
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:13,471
BUT EVERY MORNING,
I FILL UP...
124
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:16,807
ON PASHKOV HORSE BACON.
125
00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:18,914
HORSE BACON?
126
00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:20,576
THAT'S RIGHT, JACK.
127
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:25,454
PASHKOV -- SAY NE-E-E-IGH
TO AN EMPTY STOMACH.
128
00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:28,663
PASHKOV HORSE BACON --
129
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:32,459
NOW WITH ADDED HORMONE
TO MAKE HORSE GIGANTIC.
130
00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:36,300
VYREZAT! TRIUMPH, JACK,
THAT WAS SUPERB. [ SMOOCHES ]
131
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,929
ARE WE DONE HERE? CAN I
PLEASE GO TO THE BEACH NOW?
132
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:42,766
THE WHAT? OH, RIGHT. THE LIES.
FORGET THAT.
133
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:45,543
ZDRAVSTVUJTYE, IRKUTSK!
134
00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:48,043
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
135
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:52,605
ALAN THICKE. ALAN THICKE.
[ SPEAKS RUSSIAN ]
136
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:55,046
WHAT THE FUCK
IS ALAN THICKE DOING HERE?
137
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,652
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN SIBERIA?
138
00:06:57,685 --> 00:07:00,885
IS THAT WHERE YOU CAREER GOES
TO WARM UP?
139
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,921
WATCH YOUR MOUTH.
THIS IS STAR OF "GROWING PAIN."
140
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:07,497
WE LOVE IT. SHOW ALSO RECORDED
ON LOW-GRADE TAPE.
141
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:10,695
I SEE YOU NEEDED CUE CARDS.
[ CHUCKLES ]
142
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:13,001
WITH PASHKOV HORSE BACON,
143
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:17,713
THE ONLY GROWING PAINS YOU'LL
HAVE ARE IN YOUR TASTE BUDS.
144
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:21,908
LAUGH IT UP...
TELEVISION'S OTHER CREEPY DAD.
145
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,812
OF COURSE, UNLIKE COSBY,
146
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:26,514
YOU DIDN'T NEED PILLS TO MAKE
WOMEN FALL ASLEEP.
147
00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:32,617
ANYWAY, SCREW IT.
148
00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:34,763
WE'RE GETTING PAID
EITHER WAY, JACK.
149
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:38,028
[ SPEAKING RUSSIAN ]
150
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,728
EXCUSE ME.
151
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,060
I MUST UNFORTUNATELY TELL YOU
THERE IS A PROBLEM.
152
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:46,525
THIS IS OUR CLIENT,
ELENA EKALAKAVARAKOVA...
153
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:49,437
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]
...A.K.A.
THE HORSE-MEAT QUEEN.
154
00:07:49,537 --> 00:07:51,967
[ IMITATES HORSE NEIGHING,
TROTTING ]
155
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:55,675
CLIENT IS CONCERNED
ABOUT BOTH YOUR COMMERCIALS.
156
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,809
[ SPEAKING RUSSIAN ]
YES.
157
00:07:57,845 --> 00:08:01,045
SHE CLEARLY BELIEVES THAT
AUDIENCE WOULD BE DISTURBED...
158
00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,681
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]
...BY THE GROWN-UP FACE
OF JACK...
159
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:06,547
[GROANING]
160
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,164
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]
161
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,718
...AND ALAN'S
VERY VISIBLE ERECTION.
162
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:15,929
I WORK HOW I WORK.
163
00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:17,833
[ SPEAKING RUSSIAN ]
164
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:19,465
OF COURSE.
165
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:21,597
CLIENT FEELS THAT THERE IS
A SOLUTION FOR THIS.
166
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,435
[ SPEAKING RUSSIAN ]
167
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:27,440
SHE WOULD LIKE YOU TO BRING
YOUR SUPPORTING CAST MEMBERS.
168
00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:28,914
[ SPEAKING RUSSIAN ]
AND WHOEVER BRINGS
169
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:32,982
THE MOST FORMER CAST MEMBERS
BY THURSDAY...
170
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,683
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]
171
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:35,915
...GETS COMMERCIAL...
172
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:38,589
[SPEAKS RUSSIAN]
...AND GETS PAID.
173
00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:40,586
OH, JINGY, JINGY, OOH.
174
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:43,461
[ GRUNTING ]
175
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,490
WALLET.
176
00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:48,603
YEAH, JOANNA KERNS,
PLEASE.
177
00:08:48,629 --> 00:08:51,029
HEY, JOANNA.
[ CHUCKLES ]
178
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:54,804
YEAH, IT'S YOUR OLD
JASON SEAVER TOY HERE.
179
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:58,205
YEAH. YOU KNOW, IT'S ALAN.
ALAN THICKE. YEAH, THAT -- YEAH.
180
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:03,508
LISTEN, I'M, UH, DOING
A COMMERCIAL IN SIBERIA...
181
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:07,151
AND WONDERING IF, UH, MAYBE
YOU'D LIKE TO JOIN ME HERE, HUH?
182
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,880
HUH? [ CHUCKLES ] HUH?
183
00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:13,117
OH, GOOD. DYNAMITE.
YES. EXCELLENT.
184
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:16,623
WELL, I'LL HAVE MY AGENT CALL
YOUR AGENT WITH THE DEETS.
185
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:18,927
OKAY.
[ CHUCKLES ]
186
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:22,629
WELL, LOOKS LIKE
I GOT A HEAD START.
187
00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,700
MAY THE BEST MAN WIN.
188
00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:32,506
THAT'S ME, GET IT?
YOU'RE A DOG.
189
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,684
BUT YOU'RE A CANADIAN.
190
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:41,651
HEY, AT LEAST I DON'T HIT UP
MY SON'S GROUPIES
191
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:44,149
FOR A PLACE TO SLEEP!
192
00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:50,055
ALL RIGHT. STILL TIME
TO HIT THAT WATERPARK.
193
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,860
THIS HIDE
HAS GOT TO SLIDE.
194
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,903
OKAY. I GOT YOUR HAT COVERED.
DON'T WORRY.
195
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,658
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
196
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:02,042
OKAY, THINK. THINK.
197
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:03,599
[ SIGHS ]
198
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:06,637
NEED TO BOOK
"TRIUMPH'S BOY" CAST MEMBERS.
199
00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:08,784
BUT WHO?
200
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:11,979
[ SIGHS ] SOVIET ALMANAC
OF "TRIUMPH'S BOY."
201
00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:14,722
OKAY. THE SHERIFF.
NO.
202
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:17,748
CRAPPED IN HIS SHOES
WAY TOO MANY TIMES.
203
00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:21,655
UH, FAT KID NEXT DOOR.
204
00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:24,989
NO. TALKED HIS GIRLFRIEND INTO
DUMPING HIM FOR JUDGE REINHOLD.
205
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,959
JUDGE REINHOLD.
206
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:34,666
NO. INDIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE
FOR HIS HERPES.
207
00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:37,842
AAH! THIS IS TORTURE!
208
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:39,211
WAIT A MINUTE.
209
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,709
TORTURE.
210
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:43,981
RUSS, MY OLD TRAINER.
211
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:48,551
HE'S PROBABLY ON BETTER TERMS
WITH THESE GUYS THAN I AM.
212
00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:52,751
LONG DISTANCE HERE
IS PROBABLY REASONABLE.
213
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:57,656
[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]
214
00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:58,961
HOWDY-DO.
215
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,992
RUSS, IT'S TRIUMPH.
216
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:04,198
THE HELL DO YOU WANT,
YOU LITTLE PUD-SUCKER?
217
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:07,171
YEAH. I DON'T HAVE TIME
TO SQUARE DANCE, GOMER.
218
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,340
I NEED YOU TO ROUND UP
THE OLD GANG FOR A COMMERCIAL
219
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:13,910
IN IRKUTSK, SIBERIA.
HELP YOU?
220
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:16,081
AFTER YOU CONVINCED
THAT DALMATIAN
221
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:18,309
THAT I WAS THE FATHER
OF HER CHILD?
222
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,905
YOU NEVER CONSENTED
TO A DNA TEST!
223
00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:25,946
I'LL GIVE YOU 200 BUCKS
AND A KLONOPIN
224
00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:27,346
FOR EVERY ONE
YOU CAN GET.
225
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:30,187
I'M ON IT.
226
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,260
HEY, KIRK.
227
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:35,904
KIRK CAMERON, YEAH.
228
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:37,659
HEY.
ALAN THICKE CALLING YOU HERE.
229
00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:41,835
YEAH, I'M DOING A-A-AN AD HERE,
COMMERCIAL
230
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:44,909
IN SIBERIA FOR HORSE BACON.
231
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:48,338
AND, UH, THEY'RE WONDERING IF
MAYBE WE COULD GET THE WHOLE
CAST OF "GROWING PAINS" HERE.
232
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,305
HUH? WHAT DO YOU THINK?
233
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:53,983
HORSE BACON. YEAH.
WELL, HEY, HEY, HEY.
234
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:57,794
ALL OF THE PROCEEDS WILL GO
TO CHRISTIAN MINISTRIES.
235
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,092
YEAH.
236
00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:02,791
AND, UH...
237
00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:05,890
ALL OF THE HORSES
THEY SLAUGHTERED ARE GAY.
238
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:14,802
WHAT DO YOU THINK? YEP.
239
00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:17,912
HEATHEN GAY HORSES, YEAH.
240
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,238
WHAT? HEY. OKAY.
241
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:22,113
DIAL TONE. GOT IT.
242
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:23,812
[ GROANS ]
243
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:34,223
HEY, THERE. UH, IS THERE
A SHUTTLE TO THE WATERPARK?
244
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:35,394
[ SPEAKS RUSSIAN ]
245
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,492
UM, "THE SPLASHTASTIC
246
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,464
SLIP-AND-DRIP
WILD-WATER TRIP FUN PLUNGE."
247
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:41,332
[ SPEAKS RUSSIAN ]
248
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:43,361
Oh, okay.
249
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:45,226
OH, EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
250
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:48,135
UH, "SPLASHTASTIC SLIP-AND-DRIP
WILD-WATER TRIP FUN PLUNGE."
251
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:50,098
[ SPEAKS RUSSIAN ]
"30 MINUTES FROM MIAMI.
252
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:52,407
WILD, WET FUN
FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY."
253
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:55,479
DOES ANYBODY KNOW
WHERE THIS WATERPARK IS?
254
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:00,211
HI. I'M SO SORRY.
255
00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:03,177
UH, I'M LOOKING
FOR MOUNT SPILLIMANJARO.
256
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:06,246
THE PEOPLE AT THE HOTEL
DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT
I WAS TALKING ABOUT.
257
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:09,520
OH, I'M SORRY.
IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE MUMBLING.
258
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,059
[ CHUCKLES ]
259
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:18,427
GRACIAS.
260
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:19,465
GRACIAS.
261
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:22,944
HEY!
262
00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:26,140
UH, YOU'RE A LOCAL.
YOU CAN HELP ME.
263
00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:28,913
I'M TRYING TO GET
TO THE WATER SLIDES.
264
00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:30,212
[ ENGINE SHUTS OFF ]
265
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:31,953
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
266
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:33,509
DO YOU HAVE
A CONCUSSION?
267
00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:36,252
[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]
268
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:42,021
WELL, HELLO. HELLO.
UH, I AM ON VACATION.
269
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:45,085
DO YOU KNOW
WHERE I CAN FIND FUN?
270
00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:57,342
WATER SLIDE.
[ SHUDDERING ]
271
00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,110
[ SPEAKING RUSSIAN ]
272
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:00,469
WATER SLIDE.
273
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:03,907
[ IMITATES WATER SPLASHING ]
WATER. THE WATERPARK.
274
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:05,914
WATER.
275
00:14:05,913 --> 00:14:06,953
PSH.
276
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:08,320
WATER.
277
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:09,978
PSH, PSH, PSH, PSH!
278
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:12,917
YEAH. I-I GET IT.
I GET IT.
279
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,590
I'M A TOURIST,
AND ALL THE LOCALS
280
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:18,061
WANT TO KEEP THE WATERPARK
A BIG SECRET.
281
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:20,461
I DON'T KNOW WHY.
I WAS GONNA SPEND MONEY THERE,
282
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:24,163
AND -- AND JUST ENJOY
A RARE V-VACATION.
283
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,567
I'VE EARNED THIS VACATION.
I HAVE EARNED A VACATION!
284
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,199
[ BONE CRUNCHES ]
285
00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:33,939
GOOD DAY.
286
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:40,207
[ SPEAKING RUSSIAN ]
287
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:44,282
[ SHUDDERS ]
288
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:48,087
SUFFERIN' SOMALIANS.
289
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,421
JACK, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED
TO YOUR ARM?
290
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,634
AAH!
AH, SHOOT.
291
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:56,300
FIRST, NO WATER SLIDE,
NOW THIS.
292
00:14:56,329 --> 00:15:00,629
OH, PROBABLY WHY I CAN'T FEEL
ANY OF MY TOES OR PENISES.
293
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,267
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
294
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:04,272
HEY, GUYS.
295
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,174
[ CHUCKLES ] JACK.
REMEMBER ME?
296
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:08,976
OF COURSE.
YOU'RE TRIUMPH'S OLD TRAINER.
297
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:11,336
OH, YOU COULD GET HIM TO DO
THE CUTEST LITTLE HEAD TILT
298
00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:13,148
WITH JUST A PINCH
OF THE TESTICLES.
299
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:14,310
[ CHUCKLES ]
300
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:15,617
THAT'S WHEN TRAINERS
WERE TRAINERS.
301
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,988
NOW [SNAPS FINGERS]
LOOK WHO I ROUNDED UP.
302
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:18,985
YOU GOT ME.
303
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,550
YAY!
304
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:23,088
BUT HERE'S DANNY,
305
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:25,633
THAT LITTLE FELLA
WHO STOOD IN FOR JACK.
306
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:26,628
HEYA, GUYS.
307
00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:28,259
THIS IS IT?
COME ON.
308
00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:30,355
DON'T WORRY.
I GOT MORE.
309
00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:32,067
HEY!
COME HERE.
310
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:36,066
THE DELL DUDE.
311
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:37,503
Triumph: WHAT?
312
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,307
THE DELL DUDE HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH OUR SHOW!
313
00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:43,539
HE WAS AVAILABLE.
314
00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:46,206
OF COURSE HE'S AVAILABLE!
HE'S THE DELL DUDE!
315
00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:50,254
WE'RE SO SCREWED.
316
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,353
WELL, THERE'S GOT TO BE A WAY
WE CAN GET JUNE TO COME HELP US.
317
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:53,345
RIGHT, TRIUMPH?
318
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,116
I'VE GOT IT.
319
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:56,385
[ DING! ]
320
00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:59,163
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]
321
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:02,502
STUPID RUSSIAN IDEA BULBS.
322
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,029
[ GROWLS ]
323
00:16:04,031 --> 00:16:06,031
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
324
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:09,235
[ KEYPAD BEEPS ]
325
00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:10,499
THIS IS JUNE.
326
00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:13,037
[ IMITATING STATIC ]
JUNE! HELP!
327
00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:16,043
ME AND JACK...KIDNAPPED...
328
00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:19,583
BY RUSSIAN MOBSTERS...
GRAVE DANGER...
329
00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:22,182
JACK ALREADY LOST
HIS ARM.
330
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:24,215
DEFINITELY NOT...
MY FAULT.
331
00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:26,451
BY WHO?
332
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:29,056
I SAID...RUSSIANS.
333
00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:31,716
NO, THE NAME OF
THE ORGANIZATION.
334
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,188
I DON'T KNOW.
335
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,596
SATAN'S DICK RING.
LIKE MY BAND.
336
00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:37,098
WHAT?
337
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:38,670
NO, WE'RE NOT
GONNA CALL IT --
338
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,698
SATAN'S DICK RING?
339
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:42,273
THEY SOUND AWFUL.
340
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:44,442
FINE. WHATEVER.
341
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,641
[ IMITATING STATIC ]
COME ALONE...
342
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:51,183
FULL MAKEUP...
CAMERA READY.
343
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:52,481
[ Dial tone ]
[ KEYPAD BEEPS ]
344
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:55,222
OH, NO.
MY POOR JACKIE.
345
00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:57,748
Triumph:
* BOO BA-BEE-BA
346
00:16:57,784 --> 00:17:00,254
JUNE SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE
HOURS AGO!
347
00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:01,717
WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG?
348
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:04,524
DO YOU THINK IT WOULD HELP
IF WE CUT OFF THE OTHER ARM?
349
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:07,157
I CAN'T PROVE IT WOULDN'T,
SO WE SHOULD PROBABLY TRY.
350
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:08,734
[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
351
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:10,131
OH, THERE SHE IS!
352
00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:11,733
JUNE, COME IN.
THE DOOR'S BROKEN.
353
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,630
OH.
354
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:16,467
IT'S NOT JUNE, EVERYBODY.
355
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:20,213
IT'S JUST A TRICK-OR-TREATER
IN A MELTED ROBIN THICKE MASK.
356
00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:24,739
SO, WHAT'S UP?
COME TO GLOAT?
357
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:26,347
NO, NO.
QUITE THE CONTRARY.
358
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:29,479
IN FACT, NONE OF MY CAST MEMBERS
SHOWED UP.
359
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:32,116
BUT I SAW YOU TALKING
TO TV'S JOANNA KERNS.
360
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,419
AH, DECEPTION.
ALL OF IT.
361
00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:36,664
NAH, JOANNA HASN'T
RETURNED MY CALLS
362
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:39,729
SINCE SHE FOUND ME
SECRETLY LIVING IN HER ATTIC.
363
00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:41,189
WAIT A MINUTE.
364
00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:43,198
ALAN, ARE YOU WILLING
TO WORK WITH US
365
00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:45,230
AND TO DO SOMETHING THAT,
UP TO THIS POINT,
366
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,595
YOU'VE ONLY DONE
IN PRIVATE?
367
00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:48,373
[ Chuckling ] OH.
368
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:51,341
YOU MEAN BOP IT TO MY OWN
PLAYGIRL CENTERFOLD?
369
00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:52,811
UH, NO.
370
00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:55,209
SOMETHING THAT YOU ACTUALLY
MIGHT BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
371
00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:56,582
[ INDISTINCT WHISPERING ]
372
00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:59,609
Triumph:
* YA BA-DA-BOO BA-BE-BA
373
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:02,476
MR. TRIUMPH,
WE ARE CONCERNED.
374
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,275
WHAT?
WHAT'S WRONG?
375
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:06,847
I GOT ALL THESE "TRIUMPH'S BOY"
MAINSTAYS HERE FOR YOU.
376
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:08,486
THERE'S -- I GOT ME AND JACK,
377
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:10,821
AND, LOOK, UH, HERE'S RUSS,
THE OLD TRAINER,
378
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:14,727
AND, UH, DOWN THERE'S DANNY,
THE GUY WHO STOOD IN FOR JACK,
379
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,201
AND, UH, THERE'S, UH,
JACK'S TV MOM, JUNE.
380
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:18,370
HELLO.
381
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:19,428
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
382
00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:20,826
LET'S ROLL.
LET'S ROLL.
383
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:23,597
YOU ARE SHORT MORE THAN
A FEW CAST MEMBERS.
384
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,566
YOU ARE SHORT
A PART OF JACK.
385
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:28,375
[ SPEAKS RUSSIAN ]
386
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:29,808
"IF HE WAS LIVING HERE,
387
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:32,352
WE'D HAVE HIM EXECUTED
AS A USELESS MONSTER."
388
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:35,854
THIS IS SIMPLY
NOT GOING TO WORK.
389
00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:38,292
RELAX, RUSSKI.
I GOT THIS.
390
00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:40,318
[ TWINKLE! ]
391
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:43,258
[ SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN ]
WE HAVE COMMERCIAL.
392
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:44,860
YES. WE'RE GOOD.
393
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:46,891
Director: OKAY.
[ SPEAKS RUSSIAN ]
394
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:49,396
PLACES, EVERYONE!
395
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,735
SAY, "NEIGH!"
TO AN EMPTY STOMACH
396
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:00,911
WITH PASHKOV HORSE BACON.
397
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:06,810
AND GROW STRONG TO ENDURE
LIFE'S BRUTAL INDIFFERENCE.
398
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,376
AND BE SURE TO TRY
399
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:11,215
PASHKOV'S NEW
INNOCENT PUPPY BACON.
400
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:12,588
OH.
401
00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:15,489
WHAT?
I'M COOL WITH IT.
402
00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:16,862
PERFECT.
403
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:19,359
NOW, EVERYBODY NOT ALLERGIC
TO RADIATION,
404
00:19:19,392 --> 00:19:20,492
DIG INTO THE BACON.
405
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,361
[ EXPLOSION ]
406
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:24,826
Jack: OH!
407
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:27,874
FREEZE, SATAN'S DICK RING!
WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED.
408
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,440
THEY'RE HERE, JUST LIKE
THE OLD LADY SAID THEY WERE.
409
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:32,570
OLD LADY?
KEEP ROLLING. DON'T STOP.
410
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:33,765
UH, NO.
IT'S OKAY.
411
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,236
WE'RE WORKING
WITH THE RUSSIANS.
412
00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:36,342
OH,
THEY'RE DOUBLE AGENTS.
413
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:37,506
WHA-- WHAT DO WE DO
WITH THEM?
414
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:38,684
THROW A GRENADE?
415
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:39,851
COULDN'T HURT.
416
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:43,545
AAH!
417
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,419
IT'S OKAY.
418
00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:53,788
IT LOOKS LIKE
IT WAS A RUSSIAN GRENADE.
419
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:58,871
LIGHTS? CAMERAS?
I KNEW IT.
420
00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,268
AAH!
421
00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:01,667
YOU TOOK MY JACKIE
422
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,341
ALL THE WAY TO SIBERIA
423
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:05,810
TO MAKE
A FUCKING COMMERCIAL?
424
00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:07,738
HOLD ON.
425
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:09,914
TWO ALAN THICKES?
426
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:21,845
I SWEAR, I'M GOING TO
RIP YOUR DICK OUT THROUGH --
427
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:30,025
NOOOOO!
428
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:37,340
BY NOW, WE'VE ALL HEARD ABOUT
THE RUSSIAN KIDNAPPING CRISIS
429
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:40,510
THAT TURNED OUT TO BE NOTHING
MORE THAN A PATHETIC HOAX --
430
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,340
VIRAL MARKETING
431
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:47,075
FOR A CRITICALLY REVILED
PASADENA THRASH-METAL BAND
432
00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:49,383
AND PASHKOV FOODS,
433
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:53,216
THE MAKERS OF A LESSER BRAND
OF SIBERIAN HORSE BACON.
434
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,522
THE STUNT
WAS APPARENTLY MASTERMINDED
435
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:59,585
BY PURPORTED ANIMAL-RIGHTS
ACTIVIST JUNE GREGORY
436
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:01,526
SEEN HERE IN A STILL
437
00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:04,231
RECOVERED FROM
A RUSSIAN VIDEO CAMERA.
438
00:21:04,331 --> 00:21:07,171
HERE TO DEFEND HERSELF
VIA SATELLITE,
439
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:09,169
WE HAVE JUNE GREGORY.
440
00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:10,541
WELCOME, JUNE.
441
00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:12,200
THANK YOU,
MS. MADDOW.
442
00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:14,610
NOW, WHAT'S A VEGAN
443
00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:17,111
AND ANIMAL-RIGHTS ACTIVIST
LIKE YOURSELF DOING
444
00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:19,513
ADVERTISING
DISCOUNT HORSE BACON,
445
00:21:19,546 --> 00:21:21,476
MUCH LESS EATING IT?
446
00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:23,154
RACHEL, DEAR,
447
00:21:23,182 --> 00:21:26,492
I'VE SAID IT ONCE,
AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN.
448
00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:29,559
THAT BACON WAS PROPELLED
INTO MY MOUTH
449
00:21:29,589 --> 00:21:32,089
BY AN EXPLODING GRENADE.
450
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:35,404
AND NOW I'VE GOT AN ARM
JUST LIKE A KEN DOLL.
451
00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:36,598
I SEE.
452
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:38,129
Triumph:
SHE'S GOT HIM WELL TRAINED.
453
00:21:38,164 --> 00:21:39,274
DOESN'T SHE, LARRY?
454
00:21:39,366 --> 00:21:40,626
WHO'S KIDDING WHO?
455
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:42,567
THIS WOMAN IS INSATIABLE.
456
00:21:42,602 --> 00:21:45,102
SHE'S HAD MORE RUSSIAN
HORSE MEAT INSIDE HER
457
00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:46,507
THAN CATHERINE THE GREAT.
458
00:21:46,539 --> 00:21:49,639
WILL YOU SHUT UP?
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
459
00:21:49,676 --> 00:21:53,206
HEY!
SEE WHAT SHE'S DOING, LARRY?
460
00:21:53,245 --> 00:21:57,275
THIS IS THE ONLY WAY
SHE CAN ACHIEVE ORGASM.
461
00:21:57,384 --> 00:22:00,124
PURPORTED ANIMAL-RIGHTS
ACTIVIST JUNE GREGORY...
IT'S SAD, BUT --
462
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:03,192
HELP! HELP!
...STRANGLING A DOG
ON LIVE TELEVISION...
463
00:22:03,222 --> 00:22:06,632
LARRY! DO SOMETHING!
...IN CALLOW PURSUIT
OF A SEX THRILL.
464
00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:10,629
LARRY!
I AM CERTAINLY NOT BUYING
THAT WOMAN'S STORY.
465
00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:13,403
COMING UP,
COMEDIAN DENIS LEARY.
466
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,300
DOES HE COLLECT
POL POT MEMORABILIA
467
00:22:15,402 --> 00:22:17,142
AND FLASH ZOO ANIMALS?
468
00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:18,409
SO SAYS WIKIPEDIA.
469
00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:20,238
BACK IN A MOMENT.
33525
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