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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:06,674 * HE'S GOING TO BE IN THE HOTTEST BUNK, HEY! * 2 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,340 * ...YOU! * ...YOU! 3 00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:09,409 YAY! 4 00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:11,747 [ LAUGHS ] WHEE! 5 00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:13,082 GOOD JOB, JUNIE. 6 00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:14,417 GOD BLESS YOU, JUNE. 7 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:16,122 YOU GOT EVEN OLDER. 8 00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:20,294 YOU'RE OFFICIALLY A TORTOISE-AMERICAN. 9 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:24,464 TRIUMPH, YOU REALLY SHOULD TRY THE ANTIFREEZE HERE. 10 00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:27,634 OH, LORD! 11 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:28,755 WHAT'S THE MATTER? 12 00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,069 DID YOU FIND A 50 IN YOUR JOWLS? 13 00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:33,072 PAUL SORVINO'S OVER THERE. 14 00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:34,404 WHAT?! 15 00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,809 PAUL SORVINO FROM "GOODFELLAS" 16 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:45,154 AND 300 OTHER MOVIES THAT PALE BY COMPARISON?! 17 00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:47,053 OH, MY GOD. 18 00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:48,815 HE IS ONE OF THE HARDEST-BREATHING ACTORS 19 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,822 IN SHOW BUSINESS. 20 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:54,694 HE AND I WORKED ON A PROJECT TOGETHER YEARS AGO. 21 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:56,355 REALLY? WHAT WAS THE PROJECT? 22 00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:58,064 AN ENTIRE DEEP-FRIED TURKEY? 23 00:00:58,126 --> 00:01:00,426 OH, WELL, I NEVER SAW THAT, 24 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,164 BUT I LOVED HIM IN THAT MOVIE 25 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:04,060 WHERE HE PLAYS AN ITALIAN FELLOW. 26 00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:06,102 NICE. 27 00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:09,197 HE'S JUST AS DREAMY AS I REMEMBER. 28 00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,670 YOU NEVER FORGET YOUR FIRST. 29 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:15,139 OH, THE FIRST TIME YOU MADE LOVE WAS TO PAUL SORVINO? 30 00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:17,809 NO. THE FIRST THREESOME. 31 00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:22,219 PAUL SORVINO AND PHIL DONAHUE. 32 00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:26,153 A-AND PHIL HARDLY PAID ANY ATTENTION TO ME. 33 00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:28,260 OH, WELL, CONSIDERING YOUR HISTORY 34 00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:31,432 AND MY STRONG DESIRE NOT TO HEAR ANY MORE OF THIS STORY, 35 00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:33,462 UH, MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO OVER AND SAY "HEY." 36 00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:36,297 PLEASE, THE ONLY WAY HE'D NOTICE JUNE 37 00:01:36,364 --> 00:01:39,304 IS IF SHE WAS STUFFED WITH RICOTTA CHEESE. 38 00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:41,197 PLEASE, JUNE. GO OVER AND SAY "HELLO" 39 00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:42,839 BEFORE TRIUMPH RUINS EVERYTHING. 40 00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,343 OKAY. 41 00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:46,405 GOOD. 42 00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,384 I THOUGHT SHE'D NEVER LEAVE. 43 00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:58,192 IT'S OK-- 44 00:01:58,252 --> 00:02:01,422 DAMN IT. 45 00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:02,459 YOU WANT IN ON THIS? 46 00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:03,463 NO. 47 00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:05,264 ALL RIGHT. 48 00:02:09,297 --> 00:02:13,697 PAUL, I-I'M SURE YOU WON'T REMEMBER ME, BUT... 49 00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,367 MY GOD! IT'S JUNE. 50 00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:17,836 JUNE GREGORY. 51 00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:20,665 OF COURSE, I'M NOT USED TO SEEING YOU FROM THIS ANGLE, 52 00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,841 BUT YOU'RE JUST AS LOVELY AS I REMEMBER YOU. 53 00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:25,210 OH, PAUL. 54 00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:27,879 ZABBA-DABBA. WHAT'S THAT AROMA? 55 00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:28,878 [ SNIFFS ] 56 00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:30,849 I DON'T SMELL ANYTHING. 57 00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:32,248 OF COURSE YOU DON'T. 58 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,150 THE HUMAN NOSE IS ABOUT AS USELESS 59 00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:36,922 AS JOHN TRAVOLTA'S HAIR PIECE. 60 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,290 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 61 00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:39,829 TRIUMPH, DON'T DO THIS. 62 00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:41,903 DON'T EAT ANY RASPBERRIES. 63 00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,302 [ SNIFFING ] 64 00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:46,934 PAUL, I'M SO GLAD THAT YOU REMEMBERED. 65 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,840 [ SNIFFS, SIGHS ] 66 00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:52,173 HOW DIVINE. 67 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,310 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE, 68 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,235 YOU LITTLE BUTT BOUQUET, YOU? 69 00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,310 [ SNIFFS ] 70 00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,308 HEY, CONTROL YOUR ANIMAL. 71 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,320 TRIUMPH, QUIT SNIFFING MR. SORVINO'S CHAIR. 72 00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:06,193 YOU'RE TAKING WORK AWAY FROM VERY EXPENSIVE PROSTITUTES. 73 00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:07,424 [ SNIFFS ] 74 00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:10,188 OH, IT'S LIKE THE RINGS OF A TREE -- 75 00:03:10,258 --> 00:03:13,958 70-PLUS YEARS OF FINE ITALIAN COOKING AND CHEEK SWEAT. 76 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,397 [ SNIFFS ] 77 00:03:15,463 --> 00:03:18,973 WITH NOTES OF INCREASINGLY CHEAPER CIGARS. 78 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:22,272 [ SNIFFS ] DO YOU REALIZE WHOSE ASS YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT? 79 00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:23,736 THIS IS MR. PAUL SORVINO. 80 00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:26,474 PLEASE. THE LAST HIT PAUL SORVINO HAD 81 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,380 WAS OFF HIS INSULIN PUMP. 82 00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:30,442 [ SNIFFS ] TRIUMPH, PLEASE. 83 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:33,851 LISTEN, THIS DOG OF YOURS IS MAKING ME NERVOUS. 84 00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,324 [ SNIFFS ] 85 00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:37,693 IF I WANTED SOMEBODY'S NOSE STICKING UP MY ASS, 86 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,721 I'D HAVE MARIO LOPEZ INTERVIEW ME AGAIN. 87 00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,926 WAITER! 88 00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:47,262 I'M AFRAID I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK THE THREE OF YOU TO LEAVE. 89 00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:48,898 MR. SORVINO IS OUR BEST CUSTOMER. 90 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:52,472 HIS TIRAMISU BUDGET ALONE PAYS FOR OUR HEATING AND AIR. 91 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,903 THIS -- THIS IS HORRIBLE. 92 00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:58,308 FAREWELL, MY SWEET FUNK. 93 00:03:58,372 --> 00:03:59,912 SORVINO! 94 00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:01,483 SORVINO! 95 00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:05,012 YOU'RE HIDING YOUR REAL TALENTS AWAY! 96 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:08,718 BEHIND YOUR CORDUROYS, SORVINO! 97 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,422 MAMMA MIA. 98 00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:13,454 * RAT-TA-TI PA-PE-PA-PU 99 00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:14,891 WHAT'S THE MATTER, TRIUMPH? 100 00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,415 YOU'VE BARELY TOUCHED YOUR CAT VOMILET. 101 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,870 NOW, THAT IS RUDE. 102 00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:31,336 DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET A CAT TO THROW UP 103 00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:32,705 THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING? 104 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,743 YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! 105 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:40,948 LAST NIGHT, I SMELLED THE SISTINE CHAPEL OF ASSES. 106 00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:43,454 I CAN'T GO BACK TO REGULAR SMELLS 107 00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:46,317 AFTER GETTING A WIFF OF SORVINO'S BOOTY. 108 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:49,717 IT'D BE LIKE BEING FORCED TO EAT TACO BELL 109 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:55,030 AFTER EATING LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE. 110 00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:58,865 WELL, HEY, BUDDY, UH, WHAT ABOUT YOUR TRUSTY STANDBY? 111 00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:00,402 WHAT? 112 00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,468 YOUR SCRATCH-AND-SNIFF ADULT DOG MAGAZINE. 113 00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:09,737 [ GROWLS ] 114 00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:13,908 OH, I'M LOST, I TELL YOU! 115 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,351 LOST! 116 00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:19,846 WITHOUT ITS CHEWY TANNINS THAT ENVELOPE YOU 117 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:25,060 THEN TAUNT YOUR DESIRES WITH A HINT OF CEDAR WOOD, 118 00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:27,755 ENGAGING A SMOKY, SWEET FINISH, 119 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,428 BUT JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT'S OVER, 120 00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:34,068 THE RIPE PUNCH OF FLAMBOYANT FLESHINESS GRABS YOU, 121 00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:35,844 IT'S HELPLESS VICTIM, 122 00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:37,413 BY THE BALLS OF YOUR SNOUT 123 00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,771 AND DANCES ON THE BACK OF YOUR TONGUE 124 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,340 LIKE A FRESHLY CRAPPED STEAK. 125 00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:44,479 ARE WE DONE? I GOT STUFF TODAY. 126 00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:47,445 UH, YEAH. I'M ALMOST DONE. ALMOST DONE. 127 00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:49,375 LOST! 128 00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,350 LOST! 129 00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:53,449 LOST! 130 00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:02,027 WELL, NOW, JUNE, MAYBE I CAN FIX THIS. 131 00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:04,725 UH, I COULD GO TO MR. SORVINO'S HOUSE 132 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:07,868 AND HAND-DELIVER A NOTE BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS. 133 00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:10,435 OH, THAT WOULD BE LOVELY, JACK. 134 00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:13,044 YES. AND A GREAT EXCUSE! 135 00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:14,836 EXCUSE? YES. 136 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:17,848 WE BRING THIS APOLOGY LETTER TO SORVINO'S HOUSE 137 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,011 WHEN HE'S NOT IN 138 00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:21,149 AND TRY TO SNAG SOME OF HIS PANTS! 139 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,784 YOU DEGENERATE! 140 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:25,890 I SAID IT TO PHIL DONAHUE, AND I'LL SAY IT TO YOU. 141 00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:28,963 KEEP AWAY FROM PAUL SORVINO'S ASS! 142 00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:33,532 * LA-DI-LE-DOO 143 00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,104 OH, I HOPE THIS WORKS. 144 00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,862 WE HAVE TO DO ANYTHING WE CAN TO MAKE JUNE HAPPY. 145 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,800 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 146 00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:39,896 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 147 00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:41,737 COME ON! WE DON'T HAVE ALL DAY! 148 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,042 YES? OLD PANTS! 149 00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:45,473 UH, NO. [CHUCKLES] HI. 150 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:48,179 UH, WE'RE ACTUALLY FROM THE LOS ANGELES SALVATION ARMY, 151 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,911 AND WE'RE GOING DOOR TO DOOR COLLECTING OLD PANTS. 152 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:53,748 YES, UH, THE OLDER, THE BETTER. 153 00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:54,924 HIS MOST WORN. 154 00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:56,482 I AM SORRY. 155 00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,920 IT'S A VERY BAD TIME. 156 00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:00,746 MY BOSS, MR. SORVINO -- 157 00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:03,761 HE HAD A HEART ATTACK AND DIED LAST NIGHT 158 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:09,164 DUE TO VERY STRESSFUL CONDITIONS AT HIS REGULAR RESTAURANT. 159 00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:11,429 IT'S A VERY SAD DAY. 160 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,903 YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BURY HIM 161 00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,168 IN ALL HIS PANTS, ARE YOU? 162 00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:17,806 [ SIGHS ] 163 00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:18,971 BUT -- 164 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:22,079 * DA-DA RAT-TA-TI PE-PA-PE-PA-PU * 165 00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:26,780 OH, GOOD. SHE MUST ALREADY BE ASLEEP. 166 00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:29,015 SO... 167 00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:31,822 [ BOTH SCREAM ] 168 00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,515 HOW'D THE APOLOGIZING GO? 169 00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:35,117 UH... OH, WELL, IT -- 170 00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:36,518 PERFECT. REALLY GREAT. OH, IT WAS THE BEST. 171 00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,230 BOY, THAT APOLOGY WAS REALLY, UH -- 172 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,161 HERE'S HOW IT WENT, JUNE. [ CHUCKLES ] 173 00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:41,957 ARE YOU SITTING DOWN? 174 00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:43,499 ARE YOU CONTINENT? 175 00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:44,974 JUST TELL ME. 176 00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:50,043 SORVINO'S COMING TO YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY THIS WEEKEND. 177 00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,243 WHAT?! WHAT?! 178 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:55,044 OH, THAT'S THE MOST AMAZING NEWS! 179 00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:57,808 [ GIGGLING ] OH, I AM SO HAPPY! 180 00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:58,808 OH! 181 00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,609 [ GROANS ] 182 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:03,021 ARE YOU CRAZY?! 183 00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,823 YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO MAKE HER HAPPY. 184 00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:06,986 I MADE HER HAPPY. 185 00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,194 MAKE UP YOUR MIND! 186 00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:10,485 LOOK, UH, LET ME JUST FIGURE OUT 187 00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:13,058 HOW TO KEEP HER FROM FINDING OUT HE'S DEAD 188 00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,186 UNTIL I THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE. 189 00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:15,231 UH, HERE. 190 00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:17,125 HIDE THE OBITUARIES. 191 00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,067 GOOD IDEA. GOOD IDEA. 192 00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:22,942 I HAVE TO TURN THE MUSIC ON TO DANCE TO. 193 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,503 Man: AND IN CELEBRITY NEWS, 194 00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:27,042 A SAD DAY FOR FANS OF CELEBRATED ACTOR -- 195 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,077 NO! 196 00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,081 THAT'S NOT MUSIC. 197 00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,512 WELL, WAIT. 198 00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:32,978 I WANT TO FIND OUT WHY IT'S A SAD DAY 199 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,146 FOR WHICH CELEBRATED ACTOR FANS. 200 00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,175 NO, NO, NO, NO. 201 00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:38,019 THAT'S JUST NOTHING. 202 00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:41,045 IT'S JUST A SAD DAY FOR... TOM HANKS FANS. THAT'S ALL. 203 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,921 WHY? WHAT HAPPENED? 204 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:46,090 OH, HE GREW A REALLY BAD MUSTACHE, 205 00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:49,229 UH, THAT -- IT MAKES HIM LOOK GAY. 206 00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,856 OH. 207 00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:54,201 THAT'S TOO BAD, 'CAUSE I'M A BIG FAN OF HIS WORK. 208 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,737 WELL, HE'LL PROBABLY SHAVE IT. 209 00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:58,074 HE'S VERY SELF-AWARE. 210 00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:59,308 WELL, I-I HOPE SO. 211 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,742 IT IS SAD. 212 00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:02,308 WELL, AT LEAST HE'S NOT DEAD. 213 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,975 [ CHUCKLES ] OH! THAT REMINDS ME. 214 00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,205 I HAVE TO LOOK AT MY OBITUARIES. 215 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,280 WHERE DID THAT PAPER GO? 216 00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:10,979 OH, IT'S RIGHT THERE ON THE COUCH. 217 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,551 [ CHUCKLES ] HERE IT IS. 218 00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:13,990 [ LAUGHS ] 219 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,224 OH, MY GOD! 220 00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:19,159 THAT IS FILTHY! 221 00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,926 WHAT?! 222 00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,334 SORRY! 223 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,865 SORRY, I LIKE TO READ ON THE TOILET. 224 00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:26,032 OH, SORRY. 225 00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:30,269 OH, JACK, TURN ON THE TV NEWS, DEAR. 226 00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:33,867 THAT HANDSOME NEWSCASTER'S ON. 227 00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,311 UH...NOW WHAT? 228 00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:38,075 MUTE THE VOLUME AND Y DO THE NEWS, OKAY? 229 00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:40,775 ONLY DON'T MENTION PAUL SORVINO'S DEAD. 230 00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:42,318 OKAY. RIGHT. 231 00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:46,192 UH, OKAY. TURNING ON THE TV HERE. 232 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:49,923 HEY, UH, HUM, HI, HEY, HA, HA. 233 00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:51,990 [ CLEARS THROAT ] 234 00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:54,289 AND IN THE NEWS TODAY, 235 00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:56,961 ACTOR PAUL SORVINO... OH, DEAR. 236 00:09:57,030 --> 00:10:01,200 ...IS STILL ALIVE WITH A VERY STEADY PULSE. 237 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:05,208 GET OFF THE SORVINO STUFF AND DO THE REAL NEWS, YOU IDIOT! 238 00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,342 WELL, LIKE WHAT? 239 00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,076 I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. 240 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,841 I'VE LED A VERY SHELTERED LIFE. 241 00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,180 [ SIGHS ] 242 00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:15,224 MIDDLE EASTERN WAR, GLOBAL WARMING, ANYTHING! 243 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,022 UH, OKAY, UH... 244 00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:20,994 THE WAR IN THE MIDDLE EAST MOVED A LITTLE WEST TODAY, 245 00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:25,864 BUT IT'S STILL MIDDLE EAST, SO...THAT'S GOOD. 246 00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,956 OH, THAT'S NICE. 247 00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,258 IN GLOBAL-WARMING NEWS... 248 00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,059 UH-OH. 249 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,201 ...EVERYTHING'S GREAT. 250 00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:33,325 THE GLOBE IS NICE AND WARM. 251 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,800 OH! 252 00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:36,938 WELL, THAT'S GOOD NEWS. 253 00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,074 OH, HOLD ON. 254 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,808 I GOT SOME BAD NEWS HERE, THOUGH. 255 00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,273 PAUL SORVINO'S DEAD. 256 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:42,311 WHAT?! WHAT?! 257 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:43,335 DEAD? 258 00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:45,250 ARE YOU CRAZY?! AGAIN? 259 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,152 I HAD JUST CONVINCED HER. 260 00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:50,084 YEAH, BUT LOOK -- MY GOOGLE NEWS ALERT 261 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:54,150 FOR PAUL SORVINO'S ASS JUST LIT UP LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE. 262 00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:57,261 THERE'S A MEMORIAL AT SORVINO'S HOUSE. 263 00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:59,034 YOU TWO LIED TO ME! 264 00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:02,002 HE WAS NEVER COMING TO MY BIRTHDAY. 265 00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:03,332 WE DIDN'T, UH, EXACTLY LIE. 266 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:04,966 NO, NO, NO. TRIUMPH LIED. 267 00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:07,802 I JUST GOT SCARED. 268 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:11,338 WELL, YOU ARE CERTAINLY GROUNDED, YOUNG MAN. 269 00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:15,911 IT'S ALL RIGHT. 270 00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:17,236 I HAVE ANOTHER PLAN. 271 00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,850 WE'RE BOTH GOING. 272 00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,252 OH, NO. I'M GROUNDED. 273 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:23,983 PLUS, ALL YOU WANT ARE SORVINO'S SMELLY TROUSERS. 274 00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:25,891 HOW DARE YOU?! 275 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:29,193 I LOVED ALL OF SORVINO'S WORK 276 00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:33,056 FROM "GOODFELLAS" TO...UH... 277 00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:37,096 IMDb. IMDb. 278 00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:40,104 WHAT THE FUCK WAS "THE ROCKETEER"? 279 00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:43,897 I DON'T -- I'M TOO EMOTIONAL TO TALK ABOUT IT! 280 00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:46,841 [ SOBBING ] 281 00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:49,777 ALL RIGHT. WHATEVER YOU WANT, BUDDY. 282 00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:50,813 WHATEVER YOU WANT. 283 00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,278 OKAY, COOL. 284 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:58,192 SO, YOU THINK WE CAN FIND A CELEBRITY HERE 285 00:11:58,251 --> 00:11:59,751 WHO CAN GET US INTO THE MEMORIAL SERVICE? 286 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,350 YES. IT'S HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD, MAN. 287 00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:04,261 THIS IS THE MOST BUSY INTERSECTION IN TOWN, 288 00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:06,834 NEXT TO ADAM LEVINE'S ASS CHEEKS. 289 00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,034 OOH, LOOK! Triumph: WHAT? 290 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:09,755 CHEWBACCA. [ GROWLS ] NO, NO, NO. 291 00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:10,960 I THINK THAT'S WOOKIEE 292 00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:13,001 FOR "DO YOU HAVE A SPARE COUCH?" 293 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,236 WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE, GUY FIERI? 294 00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:16,842 OKAY. 295 00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,914 DO YOU KNOW WHERE ANY CELEBRITIES ARE? 296 00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:19,912 OH, JOHNNY DEPP. 297 00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:21,043 JOHNNY DEPP IS HERE? 298 00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:22,738 WHERE? 299 00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:24,810 I'M ASKING YOU. YOU JUST SAID, "JOHNNY DEPP." 300 00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:26,078 IS THAT JOHNNY DEPP? 301 00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,976 JOHNNY DEPP! JOHNNY DEPP! 302 00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:28,978 OH, MY GOD. 303 00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,279 WHERE ARE YOU? OKAY. 304 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:31,790 LOOK AT HIM GO. 305 00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:32,792 AHOY, THERE. 306 00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:33,823 LOOK AT THIS. 307 00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,157 LOOK AT THESE MOVES. 308 00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,092 TELL ME, WHAT DO YOU DRAW 309 00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:39,757 FROM YOUR ACTOR'S TOOLBOX THE MOST? 310 00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,357 THORAZINE? XANAX? 311 00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:44,128 WILL YOU TAKE US TO A MEMORIAL SERVICE? 312 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:45,767 [ CHUCKLES ] SURE. 313 00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:46,833 LEAD THE WAY. 314 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:48,270 YOU -- YOU -- FOLLOW ME. 315 00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:50,335 LEAD THE WAY? JUST GO THAT WAY. 316 00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:51,543 WAIT A MINUTE. 317 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,244 THERE'S ANOTHER JOHNNY DEPP. 318 00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:54,936 Jack: OH. 319 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,908 WAIT, HOLD ON. WE GOT TO CHECK THIS GUY OUT. 320 00:12:56,977 --> 00:13:00,247 THIS JACK SPARROW'S COSTUME IS MORE FAMILY FRIENDLY. 321 00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:01,853 BY THAT, I MEAN INSIDE 322 00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,975 THERE ARE ABOUT 10,000 FAMILIES OF CHIGGERS. 323 00:13:04,051 --> 00:13:06,191 WE GOT TWO GOOD DEPPS HERE, JACK. 324 00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:08,223 IT'S -- I MEAN, WHAT DO WE DO? 325 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,918 WELL, THERE IS ANOTHER. THERE'S MORE? 326 00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:12,831 THERE'S A GUY DRESSED AS SCISSORHANDS RIGHT THERE. 327 00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,163 GET THE -- OH, COME ON! 328 00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:15,997 YES, LOOK AT HIM. 329 00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:19,373 ALL RIGHT. I THINK WE GOT ALL THE DEPPS HERE NOW, JACK. 330 00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:22,342 WE GOT JACK SPARROW, UH, WOBBLY JACK SPARROW, 331 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,342 SCISSORHANDS, AND LOOK NOW -- 332 00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:26,044 WE GOT THE MAD HATTER 333 00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:28,576 AND THERE'S ALSO, UH, WILLY WONKA. 334 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:29,811 HELLO. 335 00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:31,807 LOOK AT WONKA'S COSTUME. 336 00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,909 THAT IS AN AMAZING COSTUME 337 00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:36,151 FOR A PEDOPHILE TO HIDE OUT IN THE OPEN IN. 338 00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:38,116 YOU'RE REALLY WEIRD. 339 00:13:38,185 --> 00:13:39,215 OKAY. 340 00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:40,586 EGG AND SPOON RACE! 341 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,063 ON THE COUNT OF THREE. 342 00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,322 THREE! 343 00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:45,831 WAIT! 344 00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:46,963 AAH! 345 00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,297 HE BROKE HIS. THAT DOESN'T COUNT. 346 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:51,231 THAT DOES COUNT! IT DOES COUNT! IT DOES COUNT! 347 00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,968 WHAT HAPPENED? WHO WON, JACK? 348 00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,304 KIND OF A BLUR, BUT -- 349 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,168 Man: YOU CAN DO IT! YOU GOT IT! 350 00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:58,607 WE'VE GOT FAITH IN YOU! 351 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,971 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 352 00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:03,981 WHAT WOULD JOHNNY DEPP SAY TO A GRIEVING WIDOW? 353 00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:05,984 A GRIEVING WID-- [ CHUCKLES ] 354 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:09,216 NOW THIS IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU AND I TO -- 355 00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:10,922 OKAY, TRY IT AGAIN, 356 00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:13,894 AND IMAGINE YOU'VE NEVER SNIFFED PAINT THINNER. 357 00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,324 [ CHUCKLES ] 358 00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:18,888 ACTUALLY, THE CORRECT RESPONSE WAS MUMBLED NONSENSE. 359 00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:20,329 VERY GOOD. AH! 360 00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:21,903 HE'S A PERFECT JOHNNY DEPP! 361 00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,332 JOIN THE CREW, LADS! LET'S TAKE HIM. 362 00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:25,266 * BOO-BOP-BE-BA 363 00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:27,202 SORRY I'M GROUNDED. GOOD LUCK, YOU GUYS. 364 00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:28,267 HAVE FUN AT THE MEMORIAL. 365 00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:34,609 OKAY. OKAY, LISTEN TO ME. 366 00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:37,344 JUST FOLLOW MY LEAD, ALL RIGHT? 367 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,880 OKAY. 368 00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:42,116 RAHK! RAHK! FRIEND OF THE CORPSE! 369 00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:45,622 RAHK! JOHNNY DEPP COMING THROUGH. 370 00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:47,585 JOHNNY DEPP DOESN'T SHOWER MUCH! 371 00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:48,664 RAHK! 372 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,961 MR. DEPP, UH, I'M STEVE SCHIRRIPA. 373 00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,655 I WAS PAUL SORVINO'S BEST FRIEND. 374 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:58,166 RAHK! SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS... OF YOUR WHOLE FUCKING CAREER. 375 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,601 RAHK! 376 00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:04,198 HEY! EASY ON THE VODKA! 377 00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:05,571 RAHK! 378 00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,978 Keep going. Keep going. 379 00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:10,381 IT'S GOING GREAT. RAHK! 380 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,053 OH, EXCUSE ME, MR. DEPP. 381 00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,253 AHOY, THERE. 382 00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:17,554 RAHK! DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, GRANDMA. 383 00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:21,117 ARE YOU HERE FOR SORVINO OR JUST IN LINE TO BE BURIED? 384 00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:22,118 RAHK! 385 00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:23,989 THAT'S KIND OF RUDE. 386 00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:26,187 OH, LOOK WHO'S HERE! 387 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:32,129 IT'S BURT YOUNG FROM "ROCKY" ONE THROUGH HORRIBLE. RAHK! 388 00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:34,229 HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING, YOU MORON? 389 00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:36,301 I WASN'T DONE BAGGING ON BURT YOUNG. 390 00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,009 OH, BOY. 391 00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:40,171 TAKING THE FOOD. GREAT. THIS ISN'T WORKING OUT. 392 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,140 LISTEN, DUMMY, OVER THERE. 393 00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:45,049 JAPANESE TOURISTS. LET'S GO, GO, GO! 394 00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,282 HUSTLE! HUSTLE! 395 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:49,176 JAPANESE TOURISTS AT 1:00 WITH CAMERAS. 396 00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:53,391 RAHK! 397 00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:57,286 JACK, HELP ME! 398 00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,357 LOOK AT THIS PSYCHOPATH. 399 00:15:59,426 --> 00:16:03,256 I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO START TO PAY MY RESPECTS. 400 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:04,660 OH. 401 00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:07,571 GREAT, JUST HELP ME GET THIS COSTUME OFF. 402 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,604 UH... ONLY YOU CAN DO THIS. 403 00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,305 WHAT ARE THEY LOOKING AT? 404 00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:20,979 OH, UH, YEAH. 405 00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:23,578 THEY, UH -- THEY THINK YOU'RE JOHNNY DEPP. 406 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,590 UH, JUST START APOLOGIZING, BUT DON'T OVERDO IT. 407 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:29,363 REMEMBER, YOU'RE JOHNNY DEPP. 408 00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:31,222 JUST ACT OVERRATED. 409 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,355 HELLO, EVERYONE. 410 00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:34,986 UH, SORRY ABOUT THAT. 411 00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:37,662 JUST HAD TO STEP OUT FOR SOME FRESH EYELINER. 412 00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:39,630 UH... 413 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:42,369 [ SNIFFS ] Hey. What's that smell? 414 00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:45,565 MOVE OVER THAT WAY TOWARDS THAT CHAIR. 415 00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:46,768 THAT WAY. THAT WAY. 416 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,039 HEY, JOHNNY. 417 00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:49,778 WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON? 418 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,312 UH, I'M A PIRATE. 419 00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:55,648 YOU KNOW, IF YOU, UH, EVER NEED ANYBODY TO PLAY, UH -- 420 00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:57,345 PLAY WHAT? THE SHIP? 421 00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,347 IT'S OKAY. [ CHUCKLES ] 422 00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:00,389 THAT ROLE'S BEEN TAKEN. 423 00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:01,693 COME ON. LET'S GO. 424 00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:05,024 RAHK! RAHK! I'M A PARROT. RAHK! 425 00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:08,202 HEY, LADY, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT CHAIR OVER THERE? 426 00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:12,171 OH. THAT'S MR. SORVINO'S FAVORITE CHAIR. 427 00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:15,772 HE SITS IN IT EVERY NIGHT FOR HOURS AND HOURS. 428 00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:17,665 SOMETIMES HE'S IN IT FOR DAYS 429 00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:20,167 AND DOESN'T EVEN GET UP TO WASH HIMSELF. 430 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,780 SEE HOW IT'S SUNKEN IN? 431 00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:27,152 IT'S LIKE HE JUST WEARS THE SEAT OF HIS PANTS OUT ON IT, 432 00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:30,054 AND HE JUST GROWS OLDER AND OLDER. 433 00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:31,377 AND THEN... 434 00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:34,321 ON HOT SUMMER NIGHTS, IT'S JUST LIKE -- 435 00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:35,817 OHH! 436 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,118 AY! AY! 437 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:39,390 MUST GET CHAIR! 438 00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:42,799 MUST HAVE CHAIR! CHAIR! 439 00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:44,332 MR. DEPP. HI. 440 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,297 HOW NICE OF YOU TO COME. 441 00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:48,236 WOULD YOU MIND SAYING A FEW WORDS, 442 00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:49,301 UH, REMEMBERING PAUL? 443 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:50,699 HIS FAMILY WOULD LOVE IT. 444 00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:53,440 CHAIR! 445 00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:56,276 BUDDY, STOP. THEY WANT ME TO GIVE A EULOGY. 446 00:17:56,343 --> 00:17:57,643 HUH? WHAT? 447 00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:00,250 RIGHT NOW, HERE TO SAY SOME WORDS 448 00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:02,683 ABOUT OUR DEAR FRIEND PAUL SORVINO 449 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,319 IS ONE OF THE FINEST ACTORS ON EARTH -- 450 00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:06,615 MR. JOHNNY DEPP. 451 00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,716 UH...UM... 452 00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:11,088 UH...UM... 453 00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:14,758 BEING JOHNNY DEPP AT PAUL SORVINO'S FUNERAL IS 454 00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:17,197 NOT AN EVERYDAY THING FOR ME. 455 00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:18,774 UM... 456 00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:24,301 I MEAN, IF JOHNNY WAS HERE, WHICH...HE IS BECAUSE I AM! 457 00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:30,441 UM, I WOULD SAY THAT THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST MOURNFUL DAYS 458 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:33,350 OF MY LIFE AS JOHNNY DEPP. 459 00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:35,113 SOMETHING SEEMS VERY STRANGE. 460 00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:37,152 JOHNNY'S NEVER BEEN THIS COHERENT. 461 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:41,352 HOW AM I DOING? 462 00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:42,721 EMBARRASSINGLY AWFUL. 463 00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,759 DON'T! NO! NO! 464 00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:47,285 GET OFF THAT CHAIR! AAH! 465 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,160 GET OFF THAT CHAIR! WHAT, ARE YOU CRAZY?! 466 00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:50,729 GET THIS BIRD OFF OF ME! 467 00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:53,627 GET OFF! GET OFF NOW! 468 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:56,300 [ SNIFFS ] 469 00:18:56,369 --> 00:19:00,869 NO! YOU BASTARD! 470 00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:03,810 YOUR SMELL HAS MIXED WITH SORVINO'S! 471 00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:07,306 [ Sobbing ] NO! 472 00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:11,250 HEY, THESE ARE THE TWO GUYS WHO KILLED PAUL! 473 00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:12,718 GET OUT! NO! 474 00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:14,385 GET OUT! NO! 475 00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:19,727 AND YOU. 476 00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:21,632 GET OUT. 477 00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:23,304 NOW. 478 00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,210 [ SIGHS ] 479 00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:34,712 WELL, I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU. 480 00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:36,344 [ ENGINE TURNS OVER ] 481 00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:37,839 [ VEHICLE DEPARTS ] 482 00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:43,280 WELL, I SUPPOSE EVERYTHING DOES HAPPEN FOR A REASON. 483 00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:46,790 WHETHER YOU'RE TRYING TO HELP YOUR TV MOM'S BIRTHDAY 484 00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:49,263 OR GET A WHIFF OF A DUBIOUS ODOR, 485 00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:51,322 WE ALL END UP THE SAME -- 486 00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:53,391 LYING IN AN OPEN CASKET. 487 00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:55,400 BUT I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT 488 00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:58,332 TO APPRECIATE GOD'S GREATEST GIFT -- 489 00:19:58,398 --> 00:19:59,628 LIFE. 490 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:00,699 AM I RIGHT, PAL? 491 00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:04,399 TRIUMPH? 492 00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,208 [ GASPS ] 493 00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:13,207 ALTHOUGH I MAY NOT BE AS FAMOUS 494 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,880 OR POPULAR OR... 495 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,418 EVER PLAY THE PIRATE, 496 00:20:17,484 --> 00:20:19,994 I HAVE MET PAUL SORVINO, 497 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:24,862 ONE OF THE ROCK-SOLID GREATS IN OUR BUSINESS. 498 00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:27,464 MR. SORVINO? 499 00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:29,627 HE'S NOT DEAD. 500 00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:32,426 I SMELL A RAT, 501 00:20:32,499 --> 00:20:36,699 AND IT SMELLS LIKE CIGAR ASH AND CAT VOMIT! 502 00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:41,772 I KNEW IT! WHAT? 503 00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,011 HE'S NOT USING THESE ANYMORE. 504 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,705 GIVE ME THAT! COME ON! 505 00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:45,677 GIVE ME THAT, YOU LITTLE BASTARD! NO! NO! 506 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:46,945 GIVE ME THAT! I WANT IT! 507 00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:48,653 GIVE ME THE PANTS! GIVE ME THE PANTS! 508 00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:49,515 GIVE ME THE GODDAMN PANTS! GIVE ME THE -- 509 00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:05,803 OH! 510 00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:06,995 WHAT A NIGHTMARE. 511 00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:08,996 PAUL, OH, MY GOD. MR. SORVINO. 512 00:21:09,068 --> 00:21:11,398 OH! 513 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,742 HI. I'M PAUL SORVINO. 514 00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:19,377 AND WHAT YOU'VE JUST SEEN WAS A RESULT OF E.S.S. -- 515 00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:21,646 EXTENDED SLEEP SYNDROME, 516 00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:25,054 WHICH CAN RESULT IN BEING BURIED ALIVE. 517 00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,017 IT'S NOT AN ACTUAL CONDITION, 518 00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:30,816 BUT IT'S SOMETHING EVERY ELDERLY PERSON WORRIED ABOUT, 519 00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:34,990 SO IF YOU'VE GOT AN ELDERLY PARENT OR GRANDPARENT YOU LOVE, 520 00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:36,661 I IMPLORE YOU, 521 00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:39,699 WHEN THEY PASS AWAY, GIVE THEM A GOOD SHAKE 522 00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:41,766 BEFORE PUTTING THEM IN THE GROUND. 523 00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:45,344 YOU MAY NOT BE AS LUCKY AS I WAS. 524 00:21:48,375 --> 00:21:50,735 [ SNIFFS ] 525 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,360 Triumph: YOU TREAT ME LIKE A FOOL. 526 00:22:02,422 --> 00:22:03,692 Where are you? 527 00:22:03,756 --> 00:22:06,756 AND YET I WANT YOU ALL OVER ME. 528 00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:08,726 YOU ARE MY OBSESSION. 529 00:22:08,795 --> 00:22:10,725 YOU ARE...PERFECTION. 530 00:22:10,797 --> 00:22:13,027 [ Echoing ] Perfection. 531 00:22:13,099 --> 00:22:14,829 COME TO ME. 532 00:22:14,901 --> 00:22:16,001 You are mine. 533 00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:17,698 You're not mine. 534 00:22:17,770 --> 00:22:20,440 You must be mine. 535 00:22:20,507 --> 00:22:22,377 Woman: SORVIN EAU -- [Sorvino] 536 00:22:22,442 --> 00:22:24,812 THE FRAGRANCE FOR THE DOG 537 00:22:24,877 --> 00:22:27,877 WHO PANTS FOR THE PANTS. 36002

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