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1
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:06,674
* HE'S GOING TO BE
IN THE HOTTEST BUNK, HEY! *
2
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,340
* ...YOU!
* ...YOU!
3
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:09,409
YAY!
4
00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:11,747
[ LAUGHS ] WHEE!
5
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:13,082
GOOD JOB, JUNIE.
6
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:14,417
GOD BLESS YOU, JUNE.
7
00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:16,122
YOU GOT EVEN OLDER.
8
00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:20,294
YOU'RE OFFICIALLY
A TORTOISE-AMERICAN.
9
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:24,464
TRIUMPH, YOU REALLY SHOULD TRY
THE ANTIFREEZE HERE.
10
00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:27,634
OH, LORD!
11
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:28,755
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
12
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,069
DID YOU FIND A 50
IN YOUR JOWLS?
13
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:33,072
PAUL SORVINO'S
OVER THERE.
14
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:34,404
WHAT?!
15
00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,809
PAUL SORVINO
FROM "GOODFELLAS"
16
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:45,154
AND 300 OTHER MOVIES
THAT PALE BY COMPARISON?!
17
00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:47,053
OH, MY GOD.
18
00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:48,815
HE IS ONE
OF THE HARDEST-BREATHING ACTORS
19
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,822
IN SHOW BUSINESS.
20
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:54,694
HE AND I WORKED ON A PROJECT
TOGETHER YEARS AGO.
21
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:56,355
REALLY?
WHAT WAS THE PROJECT?
22
00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:58,064
AN ENTIRE DEEP-FRIED TURKEY?
23
00:00:58,126 --> 00:01:00,426
OH, WELL,
I NEVER SAW THAT,
24
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,164
BUT I LOVED HIM
IN THAT MOVIE
25
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:04,060
WHERE HE PLAYS
AN ITALIAN FELLOW.
26
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:06,102
NICE.
27
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:09,197
HE'S JUST AS DREAMY
AS I REMEMBER.
28
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,670
YOU NEVER FORGET
YOUR FIRST.
29
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:15,139
OH, THE FIRST TIME YOU MADE LOVE
WAS TO PAUL SORVINO?
30
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:17,809
NO.
THE FIRST THREESOME.
31
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:22,219
PAUL SORVINO
AND PHIL DONAHUE.
32
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:26,153
A-AND PHIL HARDLY PAID
ANY ATTENTION TO ME.
33
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:28,260
OH, WELL, CONSIDERING
YOUR HISTORY
34
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:31,432
AND MY STRONG DESIRE NOT TO HEAR
ANY MORE OF THIS STORY,
35
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:33,462
UH, MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO OVER
AND SAY "HEY."
36
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:36,297
PLEASE, THE ONLY WAY
HE'D NOTICE JUNE
37
00:01:36,364 --> 00:01:39,304
IS IF SHE WAS STUFFED
WITH RICOTTA CHEESE.
38
00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:41,197
PLEASE, JUNE.
GO OVER AND SAY "HELLO"
39
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:42,839
BEFORE TRIUMPH RUINS
EVERYTHING.
40
00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,343
OKAY.
41
00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:46,405
GOOD.
42
00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:48,384
I THOUGHT SHE'D NEVER LEAVE.
43
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:58,192
IT'S OK--
44
00:01:58,252 --> 00:02:01,422
DAMN IT.
45
00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:02,459
YOU WANT IN ON THIS?
46
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:03,463
NO.
47
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:05,264
ALL RIGHT.
48
00:02:09,297 --> 00:02:13,697
PAUL, I-I'M SURE
YOU WON'T REMEMBER ME, BUT...
49
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,367
MY GOD! IT'S JUNE.
50
00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:17,836
JUNE GREGORY.
51
00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:20,665
OF COURSE, I'M NOT USED
TO SEEING YOU FROM THIS ANGLE,
52
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,841
BUT YOU'RE JUST AS LOVELY
AS I REMEMBER YOU.
53
00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:25,210
OH, PAUL.
54
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:27,879
ZABBA-DABBA.
WHAT'S THAT AROMA?
55
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:28,878
[ SNIFFS ]
56
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:30,849
I DON'T SMELL ANYTHING.
57
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:32,248
OF COURSE YOU DON'T.
58
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,150
THE HUMAN NOSE IS
ABOUT AS USELESS
59
00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:36,922
AS JOHN TRAVOLTA'S
HAIR PIECE.
60
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,290
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
61
00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:39,829
TRIUMPH, DON'T DO THIS.
62
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:41,903
DON'T EAT
ANY RASPBERRIES.
63
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,302
[ SNIFFING ]
64
00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:46,934
PAUL, I'M SO GLAD
THAT YOU REMEMBERED.
65
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,840
[ SNIFFS, SIGHS ]
66
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:52,173
HOW DIVINE.
67
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,310
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
MY WHOLE LIFE,
68
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,235
YOU LITTLE BUTT BOUQUET,
YOU?
69
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,310
[ SNIFFS ]
70
00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,308
HEY,
CONTROL YOUR ANIMAL.
71
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,320
TRIUMPH, QUIT SNIFFING
MR. SORVINO'S CHAIR.
72
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:06,193
YOU'RE TAKING WORK AWAY
FROM VERY EXPENSIVE PROSTITUTES.
73
00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:07,424
[ SNIFFS ]
74
00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:10,188
OH, IT'S LIKE
THE RINGS OF A TREE --
75
00:03:10,258 --> 00:03:13,958
70-PLUS YEARS OF FINE
ITALIAN COOKING AND CHEEK SWEAT.
76
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,397
[ SNIFFS ]
77
00:03:15,463 --> 00:03:18,973
WITH NOTES
OF INCREASINGLY CHEAPER CIGARS.
78
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:22,272
[ SNIFFS ]
DO YOU REALIZE WHOSE ASS
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT?
79
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:23,736
THIS IS
MR. PAUL SORVINO.
80
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:26,474
PLEASE. THE LAST HIT
PAUL SORVINO HAD
81
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,380
WAS OFF HIS INSULIN PUMP.
82
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:30,442
[ SNIFFS ]
TRIUMPH, PLEASE.
83
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:33,851
LISTEN, THIS DOG OF YOURS
IS MAKING ME NERVOUS.
84
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,324
[ SNIFFS ]
85
00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:37,693
IF I WANTED SOMEBODY'S NOSE
STICKING UP MY ASS,
86
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,721
I'D HAVE MARIO LOPEZ
INTERVIEW ME AGAIN.
87
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,926
WAITER!
88
00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:47,262
I'M AFRAID I'M GONNA HAVE TO
ASK THE THREE OF YOU TO LEAVE.
89
00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:48,898
MR. SORVINO IS
OUR BEST CUSTOMER.
90
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:52,472
HIS TIRAMISU BUDGET ALONE
PAYS FOR OUR HEATING AND AIR.
91
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,903
THIS --
THIS IS HORRIBLE.
92
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:58,308
FAREWELL, MY SWEET FUNK.
93
00:03:58,372 --> 00:03:59,912
SORVINO!
94
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:01,483
SORVINO!
95
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:05,012
YOU'RE HIDING
YOUR REAL TALENTS AWAY!
96
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:08,718
BEHIND YOUR CORDUROYS,
SORVINO!
97
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,422
MAMMA MIA.
98
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:13,454
* RAT-TA-TI PA-PE-PA-PU
99
00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:14,891
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
TRIUMPH?
100
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,415
YOU'VE BARELY TOUCHED
YOUR CAT VOMILET.
101
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,870
NOW, THAT IS RUDE.
102
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:31,336
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS
TO GET A CAT TO THROW UP
103
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:32,705
THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING?
104
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,743
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
105
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:40,948
LAST NIGHT, I SMELLED
THE SISTINE CHAPEL OF ASSES.
106
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:43,454
I CAN'T GO BACK
TO REGULAR SMELLS
107
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:46,317
AFTER GETTING A WIFF
OF SORVINO'S BOOTY.
108
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:49,717
IT'D BE LIKE BEING FORCED
TO EAT TACO BELL
109
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:55,030
AFTER EATING
LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE.
110
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:58,865
WELL, HEY, BUDDY, UH,
WHAT ABOUT YOUR TRUSTY STANDBY?
111
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:00,402
WHAT?
112
00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,468
YOUR SCRATCH-AND-SNIFF
ADULT DOG MAGAZINE.
113
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:09,737
[ GROWLS ]
114
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:13,908
OH, I'M LOST, I TELL YOU!
115
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,351
LOST!
116
00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:19,846
WITHOUT ITS CHEWY TANNINS
THAT ENVELOPE YOU
117
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:25,060
THEN TAUNT YOUR DESIRES
WITH A HINT OF CEDAR WOOD,
118
00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:27,755
ENGAGING A SMOKY, SWEET FINISH,
119
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,428
BUT JUST WHEN YOU THINK
IT'S OVER,
120
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:34,068
THE RIPE PUNCH OF FLAMBOYANT
FLESHINESS GRABS YOU,
121
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:35,844
IT'S HELPLESS VICTIM,
122
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:37,413
BY THE BALLS OF YOUR SNOUT
123
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,771
AND DANCES
ON THE BACK OF YOUR TONGUE
124
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,340
LIKE A FRESHLY CRAPPED STEAK.
125
00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:44,479
ARE WE DONE?
I GOT STUFF TODAY.
126
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:47,445
UH, YEAH. I'M ALMOST DONE.
ALMOST DONE.
127
00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:49,375
LOST!
128
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,350
LOST!
129
00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:53,449
LOST!
130
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:02,027
WELL, NOW, JUNE,
MAYBE I CAN FIX THIS.
131
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:04,725
UH, I COULD GO
TO MR. SORVINO'S HOUSE
132
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:07,868
AND HAND-DELIVER A NOTE
BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS.
133
00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:10,435
OH, THAT WOULD BE
LOVELY, JACK.
134
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:13,044
YES.
AND A GREAT EXCUSE!
135
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:14,836
EXCUSE?
YES.
136
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:17,848
WE BRING THIS APOLOGY LETTER
TO SORVINO'S HOUSE
137
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,011
WHEN HE'S NOT IN
138
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:21,149
AND TRY TO SNAG
SOME OF HIS PANTS!
139
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,784
YOU DEGENERATE!
140
00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:25,890
I SAID IT TO PHIL DONAHUE,
AND I'LL SAY IT TO YOU.
141
00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:28,963
KEEP AWAY
FROM PAUL SORVINO'S ASS!
142
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:33,532
* LA-DI-LE-DOO
143
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,104
OH, I HOPE THIS WORKS.
144
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,862
WE HAVE TO DO ANYTHING WE CAN
TO MAKE JUNE HAPPY.
145
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,800
YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
146
00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:39,896
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
147
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:41,737
COME ON!
WE DON'T HAVE ALL DAY!
148
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,042
YES?
OLD PANTS!
149
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:45,473
UH, NO.
[CHUCKLES] HI.
150
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:48,179
UH, WE'RE ACTUALLY FROM
THE LOS ANGELES SALVATION ARMY,
151
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,911
AND WE'RE GOING DOOR TO DOOR
COLLECTING OLD PANTS.
152
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:53,748
YES, UH, THE OLDER,
THE BETTER.
153
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:54,924
HIS MOST WORN.
154
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:56,482
I AM SORRY.
155
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:58,920
IT'S A VERY BAD TIME.
156
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:00,746
MY BOSS, MR. SORVINO --
157
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:03,761
HE HAD A HEART ATTACK
AND DIED LAST NIGHT
158
00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:09,164
DUE TO VERY STRESSFUL CONDITIONS
AT HIS REGULAR RESTAURANT.
159
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:11,429
IT'S A VERY SAD DAY.
160
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,903
YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO BURY HIM
161
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,168
IN ALL HIS PANTS,
ARE YOU?
162
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:17,806
[ SIGHS ]
163
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:18,971
BUT --
164
00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:22,079
* DA-DA RAT-TA-TI
PE-PA-PE-PA-PU *
165
00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:26,780
OH, GOOD.
SHE MUST ALREADY BE ASLEEP.
166
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:29,015
SO...
167
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:31,822
[ BOTH SCREAM ]
168
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,515
HOW'D THE APOLOGIZING GO?
169
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:35,117
UH...
OH, WELL, IT --
170
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:36,518
PERFECT. REALLY GREAT.
OH, IT WAS THE BEST.
171
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,230
BOY, THAT APOLOGY
WAS REALLY, UH --
172
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,161
HERE'S HOW IT WENT, JUNE.
[ CHUCKLES ]
173
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:41,957
ARE YOU SITTING DOWN?
174
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:43,499
ARE YOU CONTINENT?
175
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:44,974
JUST TELL ME.
176
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:50,043
SORVINO'S COMING TO YOUR
BIRTHDAY PARTY THIS WEEKEND.
177
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,243
WHAT?!
WHAT?!
178
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:55,044
OH, THAT'S
THE MOST AMAZING NEWS!
179
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:57,808
[ GIGGLING ]
OH, I AM SO HAPPY!
180
00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:58,808
OH!
181
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,609
[ GROANS ]
182
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:03,021
ARE YOU CRAZY?!
183
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,823
YOU SAID
YOU WANTED TO MAKE HER HAPPY.
184
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:06,986
I MADE HER HAPPY.
185
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,194
MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
186
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:10,485
LOOK, UH,
LET ME JUST FIGURE OUT
187
00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:13,058
HOW TO KEEP HER FROM FINDING OUT
HE'S DEAD
188
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,186
UNTIL I THINK
OF SOMETHING ELSE.
189
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:15,231
UH, HERE.
190
00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:17,125
HIDE THE OBITUARIES.
191
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,067
GOOD IDEA. GOOD IDEA.
192
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:22,942
I HAVE TO TURN THE MUSIC ON
TO DANCE TO.
193
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,503
Man:
AND IN CELEBRITY NEWS,
194
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:27,042
A SAD DAY FOR FANS
OF CELEBRATED ACTOR --
195
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,077
NO!
196
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,081
THAT'S NOT MUSIC.
197
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,512
WELL, WAIT.
198
00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:32,978
I WANT TO FIND OUT
WHY IT'S A SAD DAY
199
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,146
FOR WHICH
CELEBRATED ACTOR FANS.
200
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,175
NO, NO, NO, NO.
201
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:38,019
THAT'S JUST NOTHING.
202
00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:41,045
IT'S JUST A SAD DAY FOR...
TOM HANKS FANS. THAT'S ALL.
203
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,921
WHY?
WHAT HAPPENED?
204
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:46,090
OH, HE GREW
A REALLY BAD MUSTACHE,
205
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:49,229
UH, THAT --
IT MAKES HIM LOOK GAY.
206
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,856
OH.
207
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:54,201
THAT'S TOO BAD, 'CAUSE I'M
A BIG FAN OF HIS WORK.
208
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,737
WELL,
HE'LL PROBABLY SHAVE IT.
209
00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:58,074
HE'S VERY SELF-AWARE.
210
00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:59,308
WELL, I-I HOPE SO.
211
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,742
IT IS SAD.
212
00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:02,308
WELL,
AT LEAST HE'S NOT DEAD.
213
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,975
[ CHUCKLES ]
OH! THAT REMINDS ME.
214
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,205
I HAVE TO LOOK
AT MY OBITUARIES.
215
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,280
WHERE DID THAT PAPER GO?
216
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:10,979
OH, IT'S RIGHT THERE
ON THE COUCH.
217
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,551
[ CHUCKLES ]
HERE IT IS.
218
00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:13,990
[ LAUGHS ]
219
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,224
OH, MY GOD!
220
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:19,159
THAT IS FILTHY!
221
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,926
WHAT?!
222
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,334
SORRY!
223
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,865
SORRY, I LIKE TO READ
ON THE TOILET.
224
00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:26,032
OH, SORRY.
225
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:30,269
OH, JACK,
TURN ON THE TV NEWS, DEAR.
226
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:33,867
THAT HANDSOME
NEWSCASTER'S ON.
227
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,311
UH...NOW WHAT?
228
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:38,075
MUTE THE VOLUME
AND Y DO THE NEWS, OKAY?
229
00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:40,775
ONLY DON'T MENTION
PAUL SORVINO'S DEAD.
230
00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:42,318
OKAY. RIGHT.
231
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:46,192
UH, OKAY.
TURNING ON THE TV HERE.
232
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:49,923
HEY, UH, HUM,
HI, HEY, HA, HA.
233
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:51,990
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
234
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:54,289
AND IN THE NEWS TODAY,
235
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:56,961
ACTOR PAUL SORVINO...
OH, DEAR.
236
00:09:57,030 --> 00:10:01,200
...IS STILL ALIVE
WITH A VERY STEADY PULSE.
237
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:05,208
GET OFF THE SORVINO STUFF
AND DO THE REAL NEWS, YOU IDIOT!
238
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,342
WELL, LIKE WHAT?
239
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,076
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.
240
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,841
I'VE LED
A VERY SHELTERED LIFE.
241
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,180
[ SIGHS ]
242
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:15,224
MIDDLE EASTERN WAR,
GLOBAL WARMING, ANYTHING!
243
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,022
UH, OKAY, UH...
244
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:20,994
THE WAR IN THE MIDDLE EAST
MOVED A LITTLE WEST TODAY,
245
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:25,864
BUT IT'S STILL MIDDLE EAST,
SO...THAT'S GOOD.
246
00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,956
OH, THAT'S NICE.
247
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,258
IN GLOBAL-WARMING NEWS...
248
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,059
UH-OH.
249
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,201
...EVERYTHING'S GREAT.
250
00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:33,325
THE GLOBE IS NICE
AND WARM.
251
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,800
OH!
252
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:36,938
WELL, THAT'S GOOD NEWS.
253
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,074
OH, HOLD ON.
254
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,808
I GOT SOME BAD NEWS HERE,
THOUGH.
255
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,273
PAUL SORVINO'S DEAD.
256
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:42,311
WHAT?!
WHAT?!
257
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:43,335
DEAD?
258
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:45,250
ARE YOU CRAZY?!
AGAIN?
259
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,152
I HAD JUST CONVINCED HER.
260
00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:50,084
YEAH, BUT LOOK --
MY GOOGLE NEWS ALERT
261
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:54,150
FOR PAUL SORVINO'S ASS JUST
LIT UP LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE.
262
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:57,261
THERE'S A MEMORIAL
AT SORVINO'S HOUSE.
263
00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:59,034
YOU TWO LIED TO ME!
264
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:02,002
HE WAS NEVER COMING
TO MY BIRTHDAY.
265
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:03,332
WE DIDN'T, UH,
EXACTLY LIE.
266
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:04,966
NO, NO, NO.
TRIUMPH LIED.
267
00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:07,802
I JUST GOT SCARED.
268
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:11,338
WELL, YOU ARE
CERTAINLY GROUNDED, YOUNG MAN.
269
00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:15,911
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
270
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:17,236
I HAVE ANOTHER PLAN.
271
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,850
WE'RE BOTH GOING.
272
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,252
OH, NO. I'M GROUNDED.
273
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:23,983
PLUS, ALL YOU WANT
ARE SORVINO'S SMELLY TROUSERS.
274
00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:25,891
HOW DARE YOU?!
275
00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:29,193
I LOVED
ALL OF SORVINO'S WORK
276
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:33,056
FROM "GOODFELLAS"
TO...UH...
277
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:37,096
IMDb. IMDb.
278
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:40,104
WHAT THE FUCK
WAS "THE ROCKETEER"?
279
00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:43,897
I DON'T -- I'M TOO EMOTIONAL
TO TALK ABOUT IT!
280
00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:46,841
[ SOBBING ]
281
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:49,777
ALL RIGHT.
WHATEVER YOU WANT, BUDDY.
282
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:50,813
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
283
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,278
OKAY, COOL.
284
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:58,192
SO, YOU THINK WE CAN FIND
A CELEBRITY HERE
285
00:11:58,251 --> 00:11:59,751
WHO CAN GET US INTO
THE MEMORIAL SERVICE?
286
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,350
YES.
IT'S HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD, MAN.
287
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:04,261
THIS IS THE MOST BUSY
INTERSECTION IN TOWN,
288
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:06,834
NEXT TO ADAM LEVINE'S
ASS CHEEKS.
289
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,034
OOH, LOOK!
Triumph: WHAT?
290
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:09,755
CHEWBACCA.
[ GROWLS ]
NO, NO, NO.
291
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:10,960
I THINK THAT'S WOOKIEE
292
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:13,001
FOR "DO YOU HAVE
A SPARE COUCH?"
293
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,236
WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE,
GUY FIERI?
294
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:16,842
OKAY.
295
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,914
DO YOU KNOW
WHERE ANY CELEBRITIES ARE?
296
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:19,912
OH, JOHNNY DEPP.
297
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:21,043
JOHNNY DEPP IS HERE?
298
00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:22,738
WHERE?
299
00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:24,810
I'M ASKING YOU.
YOU JUST SAID, "JOHNNY DEPP."
300
00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:26,078
IS THAT JOHNNY DEPP?
301
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,976
JOHNNY DEPP!
JOHNNY DEPP!
302
00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:28,978
OH, MY GOD.
303
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,279
WHERE ARE YOU?
OKAY.
304
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:31,790
LOOK AT HIM GO.
305
00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:32,792
AHOY, THERE.
306
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:33,823
LOOK AT THIS.
307
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,157
LOOK AT THESE MOVES.
308
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,092
TELL ME,
WHAT DO YOU DRAW
309
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:39,757
FROM YOUR ACTOR'S TOOLBOX
THE MOST?
310
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,357
THORAZINE? XANAX?
311
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:44,128
WILL YOU TAKE US
TO A MEMORIAL SERVICE?
312
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:45,767
[ CHUCKLES ]
SURE.
313
00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:46,833
LEAD THE WAY.
314
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:48,270
YOU -- YOU --
FOLLOW ME.
315
00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:50,335
LEAD THE WAY?
JUST GO THAT WAY.
316
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:51,543
WAIT A MINUTE.
317
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,244
THERE'S ANOTHER
JOHNNY DEPP.
318
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:54,936
Jack: OH.
319
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,908
WAIT, HOLD ON.
WE GOT TO CHECK THIS GUY OUT.
320
00:12:56,977 --> 00:13:00,247
THIS JACK SPARROW'S COSTUME
IS MORE FAMILY FRIENDLY.
321
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:01,853
BY THAT, I MEAN INSIDE
322
00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,975
THERE ARE ABOUT
10,000 FAMILIES OF CHIGGERS.
323
00:13:04,051 --> 00:13:06,191
WE GOT TWO GOOD DEPPS HERE,
JACK.
324
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:08,223
IT'S --
I MEAN, WHAT DO WE DO?
325
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,918
WELL, THERE IS ANOTHER.
THERE'S MORE?
326
00:13:10,991 --> 00:13:12,831
THERE'S A GUY DRESSED
AS SCISSORHANDS RIGHT THERE.
327
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,163
GET THE -- OH, COME ON!
328
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:15,997
YES, LOOK AT HIM.
329
00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:19,373
ALL RIGHT. I THINK WE GOT
ALL THE DEPPS HERE NOW, JACK.
330
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:22,342
WE GOT JACK SPARROW, UH,
WOBBLY JACK SPARROW,
331
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,342
SCISSORHANDS,
AND LOOK NOW --
332
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:26,044
WE GOT THE MAD HATTER
333
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:28,576
AND THERE'S ALSO,
UH, WILLY WONKA.
334
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:29,811
HELLO.
335
00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:31,807
LOOK AT WONKA'S COSTUME.
336
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,909
THAT IS AN AMAZING COSTUME
337
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:36,151
FOR A PEDOPHILE TO HIDE OUT IN
THE OPEN IN.
338
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:38,116
YOU'RE REALLY WEIRD.
339
00:13:38,185 --> 00:13:39,215
OKAY.
340
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:40,586
EGG AND SPOON RACE!
341
00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:42,063
ON THE COUNT OF THREE.
342
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,322
THREE!
343
00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:45,831
WAIT!
344
00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:46,963
AAH!
345
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,297
HE BROKE HIS.
THAT DOESN'T COUNT.
346
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:51,231
THAT DOES COUNT!
IT DOES COUNT! IT DOES COUNT!
347
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,968
WHAT HAPPENED?
WHO WON, JACK?
348
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,304
KIND OF A BLUR, BUT --
349
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,168
Man: YOU CAN DO IT!
YOU GOT IT!
350
00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:58,607
WE'VE GOT FAITH
IN YOU!
351
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,971
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
352
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:03,981
WHAT WOULD JOHNNY DEPP SAY
TO A GRIEVING WIDOW?
353
00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:05,984
A GRIEVING WID--
[ CHUCKLES ]
354
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:09,216
NOW THIS IS THE PERFECT
OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU AND I TO --
355
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:10,922
OKAY, TRY IT AGAIN,
356
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:13,894
AND IMAGINE YOU'VE NEVER
SNIFFED PAINT THINNER.
357
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,324
[ CHUCKLES ]
358
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:18,888
ACTUALLY, THE CORRECT RESPONSE
WAS MUMBLED NONSENSE.
359
00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:20,329
VERY GOOD.
AH!
360
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:21,903
HE'S A PERFECT
JOHNNY DEPP!
361
00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,332
JOIN THE CREW, LADS!
LET'S TAKE HIM.
362
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:25,266
* BOO-BOP-BE-BA
363
00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:27,202
SORRY I'M GROUNDED.
GOOD LUCK, YOU GUYS.
364
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:28,267
HAVE FUN AT THE MEMORIAL.
365
00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:34,609
OKAY.
OKAY, LISTEN TO ME.
366
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:37,344
JUST FOLLOW MY LEAD,
ALL RIGHT?
367
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,880
OKAY.
368
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:42,116
RAHK! RAHK!
FRIEND OF THE CORPSE!
369
00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:45,622
RAHK!
JOHNNY DEPP COMING THROUGH.
370
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:47,585
JOHNNY DEPP
DOESN'T SHOWER MUCH!
371
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:48,664
RAHK!
372
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,961
MR. DEPP, UH,
I'M STEVE SCHIRRIPA.
373
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,655
I WAS PAUL SORVINO'S
BEST FRIEND.
374
00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:58,166
RAHK! SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS...
OF YOUR WHOLE FUCKING CAREER.
375
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,601
RAHK!
376
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:04,198
HEY!
EASY ON THE VODKA!
377
00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:05,571
RAHK!
378
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,978
Keep going.
Keep going.
379
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:10,381
IT'S GOING GREAT.
RAHK!
380
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,053
OH, EXCUSE ME,
MR. DEPP.
381
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,253
AHOY, THERE.
382
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:17,554
RAHK! DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
GRANDMA.
383
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:21,117
ARE YOU HERE FOR SORVINO
OR JUST IN LINE TO BE BURIED?
384
00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:22,118
RAHK!
385
00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:23,989
THAT'S KIND OF RUDE.
386
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:26,187
OH, LOOK WHO'S HERE!
387
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:32,129
IT'S BURT YOUNG FROM "ROCKY"
ONE THROUGH HORRIBLE. RAHK!
388
00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:34,229
HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING,
YOU MORON?
389
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:36,301
I WASN'T DONE BAGGING
ON BURT YOUNG.
390
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,009
OH, BOY.
391
00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:40,171
TAKING THE FOOD.
GREAT. THIS ISN'T WORKING OUT.
392
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,140
LISTEN, DUMMY, OVER THERE.
393
00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:45,049
JAPANESE TOURISTS.
LET'S GO, GO, GO!
394
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,282
HUSTLE! HUSTLE!
395
00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:49,176
JAPANESE TOURISTS AT 1:00
WITH CAMERAS.
396
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:53,391
RAHK!
397
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:57,286
JACK, HELP ME!
398
00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,357
LOOK AT THIS PSYCHOPATH.
399
00:15:59,426 --> 00:16:03,256
I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO START
TO PAY MY RESPECTS.
400
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:04,660
OH.
401
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:07,571
GREAT, JUST HELP ME
GET THIS COSTUME OFF.
402
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,604
UH...
ONLY YOU CAN DO THIS.
403
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,305
WHAT ARE THEY LOOKING AT?
404
00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:20,979
OH, UH, YEAH.
405
00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:23,578
THEY, UH -- THEY THINK
YOU'RE JOHNNY DEPP.
406
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,590
UH, JUST START APOLOGIZING,
BUT DON'T OVERDO IT.
407
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:29,363
REMEMBER,
YOU'RE JOHNNY DEPP.
408
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:31,222
JUST ACT OVERRATED.
409
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,355
HELLO, EVERYONE.
410
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:34,986
UH, SORRY ABOUT THAT.
411
00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:37,662
JUST HAD TO STEP OUT
FOR SOME FRESH EYELINER.
412
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:39,630
UH...
413
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:42,369
[ SNIFFS ]
Hey. What's that smell?
414
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:45,565
MOVE OVER THAT WAY
TOWARDS THAT CHAIR.
415
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:46,768
THAT WAY. THAT WAY.
416
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,039
HEY, JOHNNY.
417
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:49,778
WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON?
418
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,312
UH, I'M A PIRATE.
419
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:55,648
YOU KNOW, IF YOU, UH,
EVER NEED ANYBODY TO PLAY, UH --
420
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:57,345
PLAY WHAT? THE SHIP?
421
00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,347
IT'S OKAY. [ CHUCKLES ]
422
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:00,389
THAT ROLE'S BEEN TAKEN.
423
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:01,693
COME ON. LET'S GO.
424
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:05,024
RAHK! RAHK!
I'M A PARROT. RAHK!
425
00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:08,202
HEY, LADY, WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT THAT CHAIR OVER THERE?
426
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:12,171
OH. THAT'S MR. SORVINO'S
FAVORITE CHAIR.
427
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:15,772
HE SITS IN IT EVERY NIGHT
FOR HOURS AND HOURS.
428
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:17,665
SOMETIMES HE'S IN IT
FOR DAYS
429
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:20,167
AND DOESN'T EVEN GET UP
TO WASH HIMSELF.
430
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,780
SEE HOW IT'S SUNKEN IN?
431
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:27,152
IT'S LIKE HE JUST WEARS
THE SEAT OF HIS PANTS OUT ON IT,
432
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:30,054
AND HE JUST GROWS OLDER
AND OLDER.
433
00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:31,377
AND THEN...
434
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:34,321
ON HOT SUMMER NIGHTS,
IT'S JUST LIKE --
435
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:35,817
OHH!
436
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,118
AY! AY!
437
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:39,390
MUST GET CHAIR!
438
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:42,799
MUST HAVE CHAIR! CHAIR!
439
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:44,332
MR. DEPP.
HI.
440
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,297
HOW NICE OF YOU TO COME.
441
00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:48,236
WOULD YOU MIND
SAYING A FEW WORDS,
442
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:49,301
UH, REMEMBERING PAUL?
443
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:50,699
HIS FAMILY WOULD LOVE IT.
444
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:53,440
CHAIR!
445
00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:56,276
BUDDY, STOP. THEY WANT ME
TO GIVE A EULOGY.
446
00:17:56,343 --> 00:17:57,643
HUH? WHAT?
447
00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:00,250
RIGHT NOW, HERE TO SAY
SOME WORDS
448
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:02,683
ABOUT OUR DEAR FRIEND
PAUL SORVINO
449
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,319
IS ONE OF THE FINEST ACTORS
ON EARTH --
450
00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:06,615
MR. JOHNNY DEPP.
451
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,716
UH...UM...
452
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:11,088
UH...UM...
453
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:14,758
BEING JOHNNY DEPP
AT PAUL SORVINO'S FUNERAL IS
454
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:17,197
NOT AN EVERYDAY THING FOR ME.
455
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:18,774
UM...
456
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:24,301
I MEAN, IF JOHNNY WAS HERE,
WHICH...HE IS BECAUSE I AM!
457
00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:30,441
UM, I WOULD SAY THAT THIS IS
ONE OF THE MOST MOURNFUL DAYS
458
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:33,350
OF MY LIFE AS JOHNNY DEPP.
459
00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:35,113
SOMETHING SEEMS VERY STRANGE.
460
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:37,152
JOHNNY'S NEVER BEEN
THIS COHERENT.
461
00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:41,352
HOW AM I DOING?
462
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:42,721
EMBARRASSINGLY AWFUL.
463
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,759
DON'T! NO!
NO!
464
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:47,285
GET OFF THAT CHAIR!
AAH!
465
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,160
GET OFF THAT CHAIR!
WHAT, ARE YOU CRAZY?!
466
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:50,729
GET THIS BIRD OFF OF ME!
467
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:53,627
GET OFF! GET OFF NOW!
468
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:56,300
[ SNIFFS ]
469
00:18:56,369 --> 00:19:00,869
NO! YOU BASTARD!
470
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:03,810
YOUR SMELL HAS MIXED
WITH SORVINO'S!
471
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:07,306
[ Sobbing ] NO!
472
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:11,250
HEY, THESE ARE THE TWO GUYS
WHO KILLED PAUL!
473
00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:12,718
GET OUT!
NO!
474
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:14,385
GET OUT!
NO!
475
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:19,727
AND YOU.
476
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:21,632
GET OUT.
477
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:23,304
NOW.
478
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,210
[ SIGHS ]
479
00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:34,712
WELL, I HAVE NEVER BEEN
MORE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.
480
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:36,344
[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]
481
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:37,839
[ VEHICLE DEPARTS ]
482
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:43,280
WELL, I SUPPOSE EVERYTHING
DOES HAPPEN FOR A REASON.
483
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:46,790
WHETHER YOU'RE TRYING
TO HELP YOUR TV MOM'S BIRTHDAY
484
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:49,263
OR GET A WHIFF
OF A DUBIOUS ODOR,
485
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:51,322
WE ALL END UP THE SAME --
486
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:53,391
LYING IN AN OPEN CASKET.
487
00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:55,400
BUT I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT
488
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:58,332
TO APPRECIATE
GOD'S GREATEST GIFT --
489
00:19:58,398 --> 00:19:59,628
LIFE.
490
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:00,699
AM I RIGHT, PAL?
491
00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:04,399
TRIUMPH?
492
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,208
[ GASPS ]
493
00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:13,207
ALTHOUGH I MAY NOT BE AS FAMOUS
494
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,880
OR POPULAR OR...
495
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,418
EVER PLAY THE PIRATE,
496
00:20:17,484 --> 00:20:19,994
I HAVE MET PAUL SORVINO,
497
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:24,862
ONE OF THE ROCK-SOLID GREATS
IN OUR BUSINESS.
498
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:27,464
MR. SORVINO?
499
00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:29,627
HE'S NOT DEAD.
500
00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:32,426
I SMELL A RAT,
501
00:20:32,499 --> 00:20:36,699
AND IT SMELLS LIKE CIGAR ASH
AND CAT VOMIT!
502
00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:41,772
I KNEW IT!
WHAT?
503
00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,011
HE'S NOT USING THESE
ANYMORE.
504
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,705
GIVE ME THAT!
COME ON!
505
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:45,677
GIVE ME THAT,
YOU LITTLE BASTARD!
NO! NO!
506
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:46,945
GIVE ME THAT!
I WANT IT!
507
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:48,653
GIVE ME THE PANTS!
GIVE ME THE PANTS!
508
00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:49,515
GIVE ME THE GODDAMN PANTS!
GIVE ME THE --
509
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:05,803
OH!
510
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:06,995
WHAT A NIGHTMARE.
511
00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:08,996
PAUL, OH, MY GOD.
MR. SORVINO.
512
00:21:09,068 --> 00:21:11,398
OH!
513
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,742
HI. I'M PAUL SORVINO.
514
00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:19,377
AND WHAT YOU'VE JUST SEEN
WAS A RESULT OF E.S.S. --
515
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:21,646
EXTENDED SLEEP SYNDROME,
516
00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:25,054
WHICH CAN RESULT
IN BEING BURIED ALIVE.
517
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,017
IT'S NOT AN ACTUAL CONDITION,
518
00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:30,816
BUT IT'S SOMETHING EVERY
ELDERLY PERSON WORRIED ABOUT,
519
00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:34,990
SO IF YOU'VE GOT AN ELDERLY
PARENT OR GRANDPARENT YOU LOVE,
520
00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:36,661
I IMPLORE YOU,
521
00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:39,699
WHEN THEY PASS AWAY,
GIVE THEM A GOOD SHAKE
522
00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:41,766
BEFORE PUTTING THEM
IN THE GROUND.
523
00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:45,344
YOU MAY NOT BE AS LUCKY
AS I WAS.
524
00:21:48,375 --> 00:21:50,735
[ SNIFFS ]
525
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,360
Triumph:
YOU TREAT ME LIKE A FOOL.
526
00:22:02,422 --> 00:22:03,692
Where are you?
527
00:22:03,756 --> 00:22:06,756
AND YET I WANT YOU
ALL OVER ME.
528
00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:08,726
YOU ARE MY OBSESSION.
529
00:22:08,795 --> 00:22:10,725
YOU ARE...PERFECTION.
530
00:22:10,797 --> 00:22:13,027
[ Echoing ] Perfection.
531
00:22:13,099 --> 00:22:14,829
COME TO ME.
532
00:22:14,901 --> 00:22:16,001
You are mine.
533
00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:17,698
You're not mine.
534
00:22:17,770 --> 00:22:20,440
You must be mine.
535
00:22:20,507 --> 00:22:22,377
Woman: SORVIN EAU --
[Sorvino]
536
00:22:22,442 --> 00:22:24,812
THE FRAGRANCE FOR THE DOG
537
00:22:24,877 --> 00:22:27,877
WHO PANTS FOR THE PANTS.
36002
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