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00:00:02,437 --> 00:00:05,477
Triumph:
THE "JACK AND TRIUMPH SHOW"
WAS TAPED IN FRONT
2
00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:07,310
OF NEIL PATRICK HARRIS,
IF HE WORKED AT CHIPOTLE.
3
00:00:07,398 --> 00:00:09,708
[ LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE ]
4
00:00:09,792 --> 00:00:12,452
♪ YA-DA, DA-DA-DA
HERE IS TRIUMPH ♪
5
00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:14,584
♪ HE'S BA-BA-DEE
WITH THE JACK AND DOG ♪
6
00:00:14,666 --> 00:00:16,146
HEY!
7
00:00:16,233 --> 00:00:20,063
♪ YA-DA,
DA-DA-DE-DOO-BE-DO ♪
8
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:21,800
ALL RIGHT, THEN GET THIS --
9
00:00:21,891 --> 00:00:25,241
DELIVERY GUY SAYS
HE'S NEVER SEEN JACK ON TV.
10
00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:26,239
[ CHUCKLES ]
11
00:00:26,330 --> 00:00:27,460
RIGHT.
12
00:00:27,549 --> 00:00:29,679
AND JOEY CAN QUALIFY
FOR A HOME LOAN.
13
00:00:29,768 --> 00:00:31,508
[ LAUGHS ]
14
00:00:31,596 --> 00:00:35,726
ALL RIGHT, MALTIN,
I'M RAISING YOU 200.
15
00:00:35,818 --> 00:00:37,428
HE'S GOT TO BE
BLUFFING.
16
00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:40,645
CALL IT AND FIND OUT,
BITCHES.
17
00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:49,179
I THINK HE MEANS IT.
18
00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:50,396
I'M OUT.
19
00:00:50,485 --> 00:00:52,045
I FOLD.
20
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:54,529
OKEYDOKEY, THEN.
21
00:00:54,619 --> 00:00:58,149
TOO BAD.
22
00:00:58,232 --> 00:01:00,632
[ LAUGHS ]
MORE FOR ME.
23
00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:03,502
YES.
24
00:01:03,585 --> 00:01:04,585
AND, FYI...
25
00:01:04,673 --> 00:01:06,073
OHH!
OHH!
26
00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:07,983
DAMN IT! COME ON, TRIUMPH.
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
27
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,978
THAT'S THE BEST POKER FACE
I'VE SEEN
28
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:13,030
SINCE RICHARD ROEPER TOLD ME
HE NEVER SHOWERED WITH MY WIFE.
29
00:01:14,161 --> 00:01:19,601
WILL YOU TELL YOUR FRIENDS
TO KEEP IT DOWN, ASS BREATH?
30
00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:22,518
I'M TRYING TO WATCH "SHERLOCK"
IN THERE.
31
00:01:22,604 --> 00:01:26,094
OOH,
"SHERLOCK" IN THERE!
32
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:28,523
TELL ME --
IS THIS THE EPISODE
33
00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:31,310
WHERE HE FINDS
THE MISSING CASHEWS
34
00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:33,525
IN THE FOLDS
OF YOUR NECK?
35
00:01:33,615 --> 00:01:37,265
WELL, AT LEAST I HAVE MORE TO DO
IN A DAY
36
00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:41,188
THAN SIT ON THE FRONT PORCH
GOOGLING MYSELF
37
00:01:41,275 --> 00:01:43,315
AND TOSSING MY OWN SALAD.
38
00:01:43,407 --> 00:01:44,577
HEY!
39
00:01:44,669 --> 00:01:47,279
[ Laughing ]
LEAVE JOEY OUT OF THIS!
40
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:54,585
NOT THAT JOEY ISN'T A CHILLING
REMINDER OF THE CAPRICE OF FATE,
41
00:01:54,679 --> 00:01:57,329
BUT I'M PRETTY SURE SHE WAS
TALKING ABOUT YOU, TRIUMPH.
42
00:01:57,421 --> 00:01:59,161
HEY, HEY, LISTEN,
43
00:01:59,249 --> 00:02:02,209
I'D HAVE PLENTY TO DO IF JACK
WOULD MAKE US FAMOUS AGAIN.
44
00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:04,386
HE JUST NEEDS TO
GET HIS FACE OUT THERE.
45
00:02:04,472 --> 00:02:06,262
[ SNAPS FINGERS ]
WHAT ABOUT THE --
46
00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:07,953
THE REALITY SHOW
THAT I'M DOING NEXT MONTH?WHAT'S THAT?
47
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,130
[ Chuckling ]
OH, IT'S REALLY GOOD.
48
00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:10,866
IT'S CALLED
"THE VEAL WORLD."
49
00:02:10,956 --> 00:02:13,516
EVERY SEASON, THEY GET A GROUP
OF FORMERLY FAMOUS GUYS
50
00:02:13,611 --> 00:02:15,001
THAT LIVE TOGETHER,
51
00:02:15,091 --> 00:02:17,051
AND THEY'RE CONFINED
IN 3x4 BOXES.
52
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:21,227
AND THEY'RE FED NOTHING
BUT MILK AND ANTIBIOTICS.
53
00:02:21,315 --> 00:02:22,965
IT'S PRETTY COOL.
54
00:02:23,055 --> 00:02:25,145
AREN'T YOU FORGETTING
ONE THING?
55
00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:28,022
YOU MEAN WHO THAT GUY IS
OVER THERE?
NO.
56
00:02:28,104 --> 00:02:31,374
NO, THAT'S -- THAT'S TAY ZONDAY,
FORMER INTERNET SENSATION.
57
00:02:31,455 --> 00:02:34,495
I MEAN THAT YOU'LL NEVER
GET JACK ON ANY REALITY SHOW
58
00:02:34,589 --> 00:02:36,159
WITHOUT JUNE'S BLESSING.
59
00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:37,943
WELL, DON'T WORRY.
I GOT THIS.
60
00:02:38,027 --> 00:02:39,327
OH, JU-U-U-NE!
61
00:02:39,420 --> 00:02:43,120
COULD YOU PLEASE COME INTO
THE PARLOR FOR A MOMENT?
62
00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:45,816
WHAT DO YOU WANT,
COYOTE CHOW?
63
00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:48,304
[ LAUGHS ]
64
00:02:48,385 --> 00:02:52,075
"COYOTE CHOW" --
THE WIT ON THIS WOMAN.
65
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,352
[ SIGHS ]
66
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:56,264
NO, MY ELEGANT,
FERMENTING BUTTERCUP,
67
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:59,790
I SIMPLY WANTED TO
GET YOUR QUICK OKAY
68
00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:01,215
ON JACK APPEARING
69
00:03:01,311 --> 00:03:03,141
IN A HARMLESS REALITY --
NO.
70
00:03:03,226 --> 00:03:05,186
THE [BLEEP]
DO YOU MEAN "NO"?!
71
00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:07,102
NO.
72
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,447
I GOT JACK
OUT OF SHOW BUSINESS
73
00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:11,757
SO HE COULD HAVE
A HEALTHY, CHRISTIAN LIFE...
74
00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:13,063
[ HUMMING ]
75
00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:16,069
...AWAY FROM TURD-GOBBLING
SCUMBAGS LIKE YOU.
76
00:03:16,152 --> 00:03:18,202
BUT TELL HER
WHO'S ON THE SHOW, JOEY.
77
00:03:18,285 --> 00:03:19,715
WELL, UH, JOE FRANCIS IS
ON THE SHOW.
78
00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:23,068
THAT'S THE FOUNDER
OF "GIRLS GONE WILD."
79
00:03:23,159 --> 00:03:26,159
DONALD STERLING.LEGENDARY RACIST --
80
00:03:26,249 --> 00:03:29,989
THIS MAN IS THE
MARTIN LUTHER KING OF RACISTS.
81
00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:34,039
I WOULD NEVER LET MY JACKY
AROUND TRASH LIKE THAT,
82
00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:36,216
ESPECIALLY DONALD STERLING.
83
00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:38,963
IN FAIRNESS,
THE MAN DID CAUSE A GREAT DEAL
84
00:03:39,044 --> 00:03:40,704
OF CHOCOLATE RAIN.
85
00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:45,225
WHAT'S "UNFAMOUS AMOS"
TALKING ABOUT?
86
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,882
BLACK TEARS, MADAME.
87
00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:50,973
OKAY, MOVING ON...
88
00:03:51,056 --> 00:03:52,226
[ CHUCKLES ]
89
00:03:52,319 --> 00:03:55,189
LOOK, YOU NEVER EVEN HEARD
OF STERLING
90
00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:57,928
UNTIL HE GOT FAMOUS
FOR RACISM!
91
00:03:58,020 --> 00:04:00,370
WAIT A MINUTE.
92
00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:04,287
WAIT A MINUTE.
93
00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:06,944
UH-OH, UH, I-I KNOW THAT LOOK,
TRIUMPH.
94
00:04:07,029 --> 00:04:08,119
[ CHUCKLES ]
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
95
00:04:08,204 --> 00:04:09,124
HE HAS THAT LOOK
ALL THE TIME.
96
00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:14,989
NO, JOEY,
THAT'S THE LOOK HE GETS
97
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,870
WHEN HE WANTS TO
SECRETLY TAPE SOMEONE
98
00:04:17,953 --> 00:04:19,083
SAYING SOMETHING RACIST.
99
00:04:20,825 --> 00:04:22,825
OH.
100
00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:25,354
♪ BA-BA-BOO-BA-BE-BA
101
00:04:25,439 --> 00:04:28,089
OH, YES! OH, YES!
102
00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:30,050
IT'S JUST THINGS
HAVE BEEN SO SLOW THERE,
103
00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:32,139
I'M WORRIED THEY'RE GONNA START
CUTTING STAFF.
104
00:04:32,228 --> 00:04:33,878
OH, YES! OH, YES!
105
00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:36,839
WAIT.
"YES!" I COULD BE FIRED?
106
00:04:36,928 --> 00:04:37,838
WHAT?
107
00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:39,099
NO, THAT WAS
A HUMP "YES."
108
00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:40,851
YOU KNOW WHAT?
109
00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:45,112
LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT WORK
ALL THE TIME.
110
00:04:45,197 --> 00:04:46,897
CAN WE CUDDLE?
111
00:04:46,982 --> 00:04:48,072
CUDDLE? REALLY, PAL?
112
00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:49,547
USUALLY WHEN YOU'RE DONE,
113
00:04:49,637 --> 00:04:51,937
YOU JUST THROW A DOLLAR AT ME
AND GO TO BED.
114
00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:53,730
[ CHUCKLES ]
115
00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:56,555
NOT TONIGHT.
116
00:04:58,776 --> 00:05:00,126
COMFORTABLE?
117
00:05:00,212 --> 00:05:01,822
WELL, YEAH,
118
00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:03,870
BUT WHY ARE YOU HOLDING THAT
HOT DOG IN MY FACE LIKE THAT?
119
00:05:03,955 --> 00:05:06,305
OH, JUST TO RELAX YOU.
120
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:08,053
[ FEEDBACK ]
121
00:05:11,093 --> 00:05:12,533
ALL RIGHT.
122
00:05:12,616 --> 00:05:14,916
NOW TALK TO ME, JACK.
123
00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,530
TALK TO ME.
124
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:19,620
HAS ANYTHING ELSE
BEEN BOTHERING YOU --
125
00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:22,580
YOU KNOW, ANY PROBLEMS
WITH YOUR LOVE LIFE
126
00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:25,890
OR A RACE OF PEOPLE?
127
00:05:25,977 --> 00:05:28,067
WELL, YOU KNOW,
MY BACK IS STILL ACTING UP.
128
00:05:28,153 --> 00:05:30,463
AND NOW DR. LEWIS SAYS
I NEED TO GET AN MRI,
129
00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:32,457
BUT I HATE THOSE THINGS.YEAH, UH-HUH.
130
00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:36,639
UH, YEAH, WELL, THAT'S BAD.
MRIs ARE A BUMMER.
131
00:05:36,727 --> 00:05:39,637
UM. UM,
WOULD YOU EVER CONSIDER
132
00:05:39,730 --> 00:05:42,600
SHARING AN MRI
WITH SOMEONE...
133
00:05:42,690 --> 00:05:44,470
LIKE TIM DUNCAN?
134
00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:45,821
WHAT?
135
00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:49,440
YOU KNOW,
FROM THE SAN ANTONIO SPURS?
136
00:05:49,523 --> 00:05:51,923
WELL, I DON'T THINK
WE COULD BOTH FIT IN AN MRI.
137
00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:53,883
WHY? BECAUSE HIS PENIS
IS TOO BIG?
138
00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:55,222
WHAT?
139
00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:58,451
YOU'RE SAYING
THAT THERE IS NO ROOM FOR YOU
140
00:05:58,532 --> 00:06:01,012
TO SHARE AN MRI
WITH AN NBA LEGEND
141
00:06:01,099 --> 00:06:04,099
BECAUSE ALL BLACK MEN
HAVE GIANT PENISES?!
142
00:06:04,189 --> 00:06:07,539
I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M HEARING THIS, JACK MLICKI,
143
00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:09,108
STAR OF "TRIUMPH'S BOY"!
144
00:06:11,849 --> 00:06:13,019
DID WE GET IT?
145
00:06:13,111 --> 00:06:14,681
YES, TRIUMPH, YES.
146
00:06:14,765 --> 00:06:18,595
WE JUST RECORDED SOMEBODY
WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT.
147
00:06:18,682 --> 00:06:19,902
ALL RIGHT.
DON'T WORRY.
148
00:06:19,988 --> 00:06:20,898
THIS IS FOR JACK.
149
00:06:20,989 --> 00:06:22,819
AT WHAT COST, TRIUMPH?
150
00:06:22,904 --> 00:06:25,784
IF WE LEARNED NOTHING FROM
THE GENE HACKMAN 1974 FILM...
151
00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:27,743
OH, DEAR GOD...."THE CONVERSATION"
BY FRANCIS COPPOLA --
152
00:06:27,822 --> 00:06:29,082
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
153
00:06:29,171 --> 00:06:31,911
LISTEN, LEONARD,
HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU OWE ME
154
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,440
FROM THAT POKER GAME?!
155
00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:35,833
40 GRAND.
156
00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:39,527
THEN SAVE YOUR BREATH
FOR YOUR JUDI DENCH BLOW-UP DOLL
157
00:06:39,616 --> 00:06:42,966
AND HAND OVER THE TAPE!
158
00:06:43,054 --> 00:06:47,414
OKAY, I JUST HAVE TO GET THIS
TO THE PAPARAZZI AND TMZ.
159
00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:48,634
OKAY? WAIT HERE.
160
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,982
TRIUMPH,
I HAVEN'T EATEN ALL DAY!
161
00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:56,805
OH, RIGHT.
OKAY. I'M ON IT.
162
00:06:59,854 --> 00:07:01,604
DAMN IT, I WAS ON
"ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT"
163
00:07:01,682 --> 00:07:02,732
FOR 30 YEARS!
164
00:07:02,813 --> 00:07:04,383
THAT'S ALL I GOT!
165
00:07:09,037 --> 00:07:10,427
HOW YOU GUYS DOING?
166
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:11,607
MY NAME'S PINKY.
167
00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:13,692
I'M A PAPARAZZI,
JUST LIKE YOU.
168
00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:15,351
CAN I TAKE YOUR PICTURE?
169
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,475
KA-CHOONK. KA-CHINK.
170
00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:17,476
KA-CHUNK.
171
00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:18,827
WHAT?
SOMETHING'S HAPPENING?
172
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,736
Man:
HOW'S IT GOING, GUYS?
173
00:07:20,831 --> 00:07:23,571
GOOD QUESTION --
REGULAR MIKE WALLACE HERE.
174
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,270
TELL ME THIS --
175
00:07:25,357 --> 00:07:27,447
WHEN YOU SEE A CELEBRITY
COMING OUT OF A RESTAURANT,
176
00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:29,714
HOW DO YOU COME UP
WITH THOSE QUESTIONS?
177
00:07:29,797 --> 00:07:31,757
DO YOU PREPARE THEM
AHEAD OF TIME,
178
00:07:31,842 --> 00:07:33,892
OR DO THEY JUST COME OUT
NATURALLY
179
00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:36,325
AS A RESULT
OF SOME PRIOR HEAD TRAUMA?
180
00:07:36,412 --> 00:07:38,242
NO, IT'S ALL ABOUT,
LIKE, BEING --
181
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:40,757
LIKE, KNOWING WHO'S WHO
AND KNOWING ABOUT FOR THEM
182
00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:42,901
THAT ARE COMING OUT
OF THE RESTAURANTS
183
00:07:42,984 --> 00:07:43,904
AND BEING PATIENT.
184
00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:45,415
RIGHT.
185
00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:48,468
SO IT'S THE HEAD TRAUMA.
186
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:51,560
WHO WAS THAT?
187
00:07:51,645 --> 00:07:53,465
SHE WAS A LADY
FROM ONE OF THE TV SHOWS.
188
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,430
HE GOT A LADY
FROM ONE OF THE TV SHOWS.
189
00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:58,299
HOLY SHIT.
190
00:07:58,390 --> 00:07:59,740
YOU ARE GOOD, MAN.
191
00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:01,827
DO YOU REMEMBER A SHOW
CALLED "TRIUMPH'S BOY"?
192
00:08:01,916 --> 00:08:03,696
MM-HMM.
YOU DO?!
193
00:08:03,787 --> 00:08:05,487
OF COURSE YOU DO.
194
00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:07,922
DO YOU REMEMBER
THE KID IN IT?
MM-HMM.
195
00:08:08,009 --> 00:08:09,309
JACK.
EXACTLY.
196
00:08:09,401 --> 00:08:10,881
JACK MLICKI.
JACK MLICKI.
197
00:08:10,968 --> 00:08:12,398
YOU REMEMBER.
YEP.
198
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,492
YOU'LL LISTEN
TO THIS RACISM.
199
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:16,501
YOU'RE GONNA GET IT
TO TMZ.
200
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:17,713
NO, THIS IS -- IT SUCKS.
201
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:18,801
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!
202
00:08:18,889 --> 00:08:20,199
IT SUCKS.
203
00:08:20,282 --> 00:08:21,242
NO, NO,
BECAUSE OF THE PENIS SIZE --
204
00:08:21,326 --> 00:08:22,716
LISTEN TO MY OUTRAGE.
205
00:08:22,806 --> 00:08:28,806
♪ JUST GOT TO FIND MORE SCUM,
SCUMMY PAPARAZZI ♪
206
00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:32,559
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]
207
00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:35,822
OKAY. SCUM.
208
00:08:35,906 --> 00:08:38,296
WHERE IS THE SCUM?
209
00:08:38,387 --> 00:08:39,817
HERE, SCUMMY, SCUMMY.
210
00:08:39,910 --> 00:08:42,780
♪ SCUM-DE-DUM-DE-DUM
211
00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:45,310
♪ WHERE IS THE SCUM?
212
00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:46,614
WAIT A MINUTE!
213
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,440
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
214
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,568
OKAY.
215
00:08:51,661 --> 00:08:52,791
[ GRUNTS ]
216
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,490
[ PANTING ]
217
00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:55,667
OH, YES.
WOW.
218
00:08:55,752 --> 00:08:56,842
HELLO.
WHAT'S UP?
HOW ARE YOU?
219
00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:58,487
PAPARAZZI, YES?
YES.
220
00:08:58,581 --> 00:09:00,451
YOU'RE ONE OF THE FAMOUS ONES,
RIGHT?
YEAH.
221
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,460
YOU'RE THE GUY
THAT BRITNEY SPEARS RAN OVER?
222
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,673
MY FOOT WAS, YES.
223
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:07,161
OHH, MAN.
SO, WHAT'S MORE PAINFUL --
224
00:09:07,242 --> 00:09:09,722
HAVING YOUR FOOT RUN OVER
BY BRITNEY SPEARS
225
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:12,680
OR TAKING A GOOD,
HARD, LONG LOOK AT YOUR LIFE?
226
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:15,079
OH. [ CHUCKLES ]
BOTH.
227
00:09:15,163 --> 00:09:17,433
WHOSE LIVES ARE WE INVADING
THE PRIVACY OF TODAY?
228
00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:18,783
WE'RE --
WE'RE JUST WAITING.
229
00:09:18,862 --> 00:09:20,472
WE'RE WAITING
FOR V. STIVIANO.
230
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,470
WHAT?!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
I'M NOT.
231
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,562
NO, SERIOUSLY?
THE DONALD STERLING BITCH?
232
00:09:24,651 --> 00:09:26,261
THIS IS WHERE SHE LIVES?RIGHT THERE.
233
00:09:26,348 --> 00:09:27,778
THAT'S HER CAR, TOO --
THE FERRARI --
234
00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:29,351
HER FERRARI.THAT'S HER FERRARI.
235
00:09:29,438 --> 00:09:31,218
SHE HAS A FERRARI.
A FERRARI.
236
00:09:31,309 --> 00:09:33,049
ALL FROM THE RACISM.[ Chuckling ] PRETTY MUCH.
237
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:34,747
OKAY, SO, WE'RE JUST WAITING
FOR HER TO COME OUT --
238
00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:36,135
THAT'S HOW IT WORKS?
239
00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:37,227
JUST WAITING
FOR HER TO COME OUT AND...
240
00:09:37,315 --> 00:09:38,395
THAT IS SO COOL, MAN.
241
00:09:38,490 --> 00:09:40,060
AND WHEN --
THEN, WHAT HAPPENS?
242
00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:41,544
THEN WE TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH OF HER
WHEN SHE WALKS OUT.
243
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:43,194
ASK HER...ASK HER IF SHE WANTS
A PHOTOGRAPH TAKEN.
244
00:09:43,278 --> 00:09:44,278
ASK HER IF SHE WANTS
A PHOTOGRAPH.
245
00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:45,366
SURE.
SOUNDS GOOD.
246
00:09:45,454 --> 00:09:47,414
HEY, BITCH!
NO, NO, NO, NO.
247
00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:48,589
GET THE [BLEEP] OUT!
248
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:50,015
NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
249
00:09:50,111 --> 00:09:52,111
THIS GUY'S GOT OTHER PEOPLE
TO SCARE!
250
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,110
NICE HOUSE!
251
00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:54,641
BEFORE BUYING IT,
252
00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:56,384
HOW BIG A DEPOSIT DID YOU
HAVE TO TAKE IN THE FACE?!
253
00:09:56,465 --> 00:09:57,545
NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY.WHAT?
254
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:58,690
WHAT? WHAT?
NO.
255
00:09:58,772 --> 00:10:00,342
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
256
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:01,985
OH, YOU DON'T YELL STUFF
LIKE THAT OUT. COME ON, NOW.
257
00:10:02,079 --> 00:10:03,559
OH, OKAY.
I'M DOING IT WRONG?
258
00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:04,646
YEAH, I THINK SO.
259
00:10:04,734 --> 00:10:06,654
THIS IS GOOD.
I THINK SO.
260
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:10,516
SO, A PAPARAZZI IS TEACHING ME
ABOUT BASIC HUMAN ETHICS.
261
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:13,050
YEAH, EXACTLY.[ Laughing ] THAT'S GOOD.
262
00:10:13,134 --> 00:10:16,624
THE PAPARAZZI IS APPROACHING,
AND V. STIVIANO IS OUT.
263
00:10:16,703 --> 00:10:18,363
SHE VALUES HER PRIVACY,
264
00:10:18,443 --> 00:10:21,103
BUT IS UNDER
STRICT DOCTOR'S ORDERS
265
00:10:21,185 --> 00:10:23,535
TO LOWER HER ROOF.
266
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,633
WILL HE GET A PICTURE?
267
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:30,112
IT'S LIKE TRYING TO CAPTURE
A LEGLESS TORTOISE.
268
00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:35,244
SHE'S TRYING TO SPEED AWAY,
BUT FERRARIS ONLY GO SO FAST.
269
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:38,383
AND THERE SHE GOES!
270
00:10:38,463 --> 00:10:41,253
I WANT TO WARN YOU --
WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO HEAR
271
00:10:41,336 --> 00:10:42,596
IS INCREDIBLY VILE
272
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:45,075
AND REPRESENTS
THE LOWEST FORM OF HUMANITY.
273
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:46,166
OKAY.
274
00:10:46,254 --> 00:10:47,654
SO IT MIGHT GIVE YOU
AN ERECTION.
275
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,264
[ CHUCKLES ]
LET'S HEAR IT.
276
00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:51,354
LISTEN.
277
00:10:54,218 --> 00:10:55,388
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?
278
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:56,660
IT'S NOT MARKETABLE.
IT'S NOT SHOCKING.
279
00:10:56,743 --> 00:10:58,483
IT'S NOT --
[ SCOFFS ]
280
00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:01,100
WE LIVE
IN QUITE A JADED SOCIETY.
281
00:11:01,182 --> 00:11:02,102
THIS IS SAD.
282
00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:03,183
FINE, FINE.
283
00:11:03,271 --> 00:11:05,061
NO PROBLEM.NO HARD FEELINGS.
284
00:11:05,142 --> 00:11:06,192
GODSPEED.
285
00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:08,024
AND --
AND WHEN YOU GO TO HELL,
286
00:11:08,102 --> 00:11:11,022
I HOPE THAT YOU GET THE FIRST
UP-SKIRT SHOT OF SATAN.
287
00:11:11,105 --> 00:11:12,145
I REALLY DO.
288
00:11:12,236 --> 00:11:13,146
ALL RIGHT.
289
00:11:16,588 --> 00:11:17,678
[ GRUNTS ]
290
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:19,204
NO!
291
00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:21,897
NOOOO!
292
00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:25,505
NOOOO!
293
00:11:25,597 --> 00:11:26,687
HEY, TRIUMPH! TRIUMPH!
294
00:11:26,773 --> 00:11:27,863
WHAT'S THE MATTER?[ GASPING ]
295
00:11:27,948 --> 00:11:29,508
OH, IT WAS TERRIBLE.
296
00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:31,211
I HAD A NIGHTMARE.
297
00:11:31,299 --> 00:11:32,519
I WAS NAKED.
298
00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:35,224
OH, WELL,
EVERYONE'S HAD THAT NIGHTMARE.
299
00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:39,003
BUT SO WAS
MICHAEL CHIKLIS.
300
00:11:39,089 --> 00:11:40,309
I'M SORRY, BUDDY.
301
00:11:40,395 --> 00:11:42,135
WOULD IT HELP YOU
GET BACK TO SLEEP
302
00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:44,273
IF WE TRIED
YOUR WHITE-NOISE MACHINE?
303
00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:45,435
LET'S SEE.
304
00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:48,060
[ WATER SPLASHES ]WATER BOWL.
305
00:11:48,142 --> 00:11:50,102
NOT TONIGHT.
306
00:11:50,187 --> 00:11:51,537
UH, BABBLING URINAL.
307
00:11:51,623 --> 00:11:54,503
[ LIQUID BABBLING ]
308
00:11:55,671 --> 00:11:57,241
STILL CAN'T SLEEP.
309
00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:58,455
OH.
310
00:11:58,543 --> 00:12:01,023
HOW ABOUT
JOHN LEGUIZAMO ONE-MAN SHOW?
311
00:12:01,111 --> 00:12:02,551
John: HEY, ANTHONY,
312
00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:04,944
WHY YOU NO COME AROUND HERE
NO MORE?
313
00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:07,768
I SEE YOU
LOOKIN' AT ME, PAPI.
314
00:12:07,857 --> 00:12:10,157
ANY OTHER NIGHT,
I'D BE OUT COLD.
315
00:12:10,251 --> 00:12:15,041
BUT ONLY YOUR VOICE
WILL DO IT.
316
00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:17,125
READ ME A BEDTIME STORY.
317
00:12:17,214 --> 00:12:19,004
OH, A BEDTIME STORY?
318
00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:20,036
SURE.
319
00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:24,220
OH.
320
00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:26,398
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
321
00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:29,274
OH, "THE ADVENTURES
OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN."
322
00:12:29,357 --> 00:12:31,837
YES, IT'S A CLASSIC.
323
00:12:31,925 --> 00:12:35,145
SO READ IT
NICE AND LOUD.
324
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:42,151
[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
325
00:12:58,821 --> 00:13:01,741
THOSE SHOCKING WORDS,
OF COURSE, FROM JACK MLICKI,
326
00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:03,264
FORMER CHILD STAR.
327
00:13:03,347 --> 00:13:05,997
SO UPSETTING TO HEAR THAT WORD,
EVEN WHEN IT IS BLEEPED.
328
00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:08,829
AND SPEAKING FOR MYSELF,
EVERY TIME I HEAR THAT WORD
329
00:13:08,918 --> 00:13:10,788
IN SECRETLY RECORDED
CONVERSATIONS
330
00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:12,837
THAT WE ARE LEAKING,
I JUST GET SICK.
331
00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:13,922
LET'S HEAR IT AGAIN.
332
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:17,750
THERE HE IS!
333
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,280
DOG'S BEST FRIEND!
334
00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:20,283
HIDE ME.
335
00:13:20,364 --> 00:13:21,804
JUNE!
336
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,368
YOU BETTER HELP HIM --
REALLY, RIGHT NOW.
337
00:13:25,152 --> 00:13:26,112
[ SNIFFS ]
338
00:13:26,196 --> 00:13:27,106
JUNE, HELP ME!
339
00:13:27,197 --> 00:13:28,847
JACKY, WHAT'S HAPPENED?
340
00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:32,118
OH, EVERYWHERE I GO,
PEOPLE ARE CALLING ME A RACIST.
341
00:13:32,202 --> 00:13:34,252
I'M COVERED WITH EGGS
AND SPIT.
342
00:13:34,335 --> 00:13:38,075
I FEEL LIKE A BREAKFAST SANDWICH
AT ROY ROGERS.
343
00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:44,075
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU JUST GOT
THROUGH INSEMINATING A BISON.
344
00:13:44,171 --> 00:13:46,261
[ Laughing ]
DON'T YOU SEE?
345
00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:47,867
THIS IS GREAT, JACK.
346
00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:49,737
YOU'RE BACK IN THE GAME.
347
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,049
DON'T YOU GET IT?
348
00:13:51,134 --> 00:13:53,054
WHAT IN THE HELL
DID YOU DO HERE?
349
00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:55,746
Shh, shh, shh!
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh!
350
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,835
Shhhhh!
351
00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:01,665
IT'S ALMOST ON.
TURN IT UP.
352
00:14:01,753 --> 00:14:05,933
THE USE OF THE N-WORD
IS NOTHING TO BE EXCUSED.
353
00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:07,849
NO ONE SHOULD USE THE N-WORD.
354
00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:09,674
WELL SAID, REVEREND.
355
00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:13,111
AND I WANT TO BE THE FIRST
CO-STAR FROM "TRIUMPH'S BOY,"
356
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:17,900
AVAILABLE ON VHS AT AMAZON
FROM T&Y MEDIA,
357
00:14:17,987 --> 00:14:19,817
A 95% POSITIVE SELLER,
358
00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:23,172
TO SPEAK OUT
AGAINST THE HURTFUL COMMENTS
359
00:14:23,253 --> 00:14:24,653
OF MY FORMER FRIEND.
360
00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:27,263
ALL OF US HAVE SAID THINGS
THAT WE REGRET.
361
00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:29,744
THAT'S RIGHT, AL,
LIKE WHEN YOU ASKED
362
00:14:29,825 --> 00:14:32,775
FOR YOUR LIPOSUCTION PUMP
TO BE SET TO "TREE FROG."
363
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,792
NO, I KID. I KID.
YOU LOOK GREAT.
364
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,655
WHAT ARE YOU DOWN TO --
160,
365
00:14:37,746 --> 00:14:39,176
150 VIEWERS?
366
00:14:39,269 --> 00:14:41,709
I CONDEMN HIS WORDS BECAUSE
OF THE CULTURE IT CREATES.
367
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:42,793
EXCUSE ME.
368
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,102
EXCUSE ME, REVEREND.
369
00:14:44,187 --> 00:14:46,187
WASN'T ALL THIS STUFF HE SAID
FROM A BOOK?
370
00:14:46,276 --> 00:14:48,146
I'M GONNA HAVE TO
LEAVE IT THERE.
371
00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:50,055
THANK YOU BOTH
FOR YOUR TIME TONIGHT.
372
00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:53,890
YOUR POLL RESULTS
AND MY THOUGHTS ARE NEXT.
373
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,020
CAN'T WAIT.
374
00:14:55,111 --> 00:14:58,721
♪ DE-DE-DO-DO-DE
375
00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:01,200
[ DIALING ]
376
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:05,861
[ Ringing ]MAN: Good afternoon.
377
00:15:05,948 --> 00:15:07,598
Thank you for calling
the Oprah Winfrey Network.
378
00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:08,909
How can I help you?
379
00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:10,035
YES, THANK YOU.
380
00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:12,646
I HAVE AN INCREDIBLE GUEST
FOR OPRAH.
381
00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:15,567
YOU -- HIS NAME IS JACK MLICKI
FROM "TRIUMPH'S BOY."
382
00:15:15,653 --> 00:15:18,183
HE SAID HE'S --
HE'S READY TO APOLOGIZE
383
00:15:18,265 --> 00:15:20,785
AND GET OPRAH'S
OFFICIAL BLESSING.
384
00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:23,746
YOU KNOW,
HE'LL COME ON THE SHOW,
385
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:27,575
AND, UH, OPRAH WILL,
YOU KNOW, OFFER SALVATION
386
00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:28,925
AND ANOINT HIM,
387
00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:32,055
AND HE'LL BE ANOINTED
IN OPRAH WATER.
388
00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:33,668
HELLO?
389
00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:34,668
Yes, sir.
390
00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:35,939
Yes, uh, unfortunately,
391
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:38,112
due to our security
and legal policy,
392
00:15:38,198 --> 00:15:41,068
the Oprah Winfrey Network
does not accept or receive
393
00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:43,457
any unsolicited submissions.
394
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:48,691
WHAT IF YOU TOLD HER
I WAS A HAM SANDWICH?
395
00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:51,823
WITH EXTRA MAYONNAISE?
396
00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:53,597
Yes,
unfortunately, sir,
397
00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:56,041
I would not be able
to comment on that.
398
00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:57,699
ALL RIGHT.
399
00:15:57,782 --> 00:16:01,132
I'VE GOT A DIET COKE,
TOO.
400
00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:02,611
HELLO?
401
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:04,350
Yes, sir.
402
00:16:04,441 --> 00:16:07,791
FIRST OF ALL, I WANT TO COMMEND
YOU FOR NOT HANGING UP YET.
403
00:16:07,879 --> 00:16:11,539
[ LAUGHS ]
404
00:16:11,622 --> 00:16:13,712
Let me put you on hold
for one second.
405
00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:15,888
THAT DOESN'T SOUND GOOD.
406
00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:18,853
OKAY.
407
00:16:18,934 --> 00:16:20,464
WHAT? WHAT?
408
00:16:20,544 --> 00:16:22,984
SO WE GOT NOs FROM "ELLEN,"
"THE VIEW," "THE TALK,"
409
00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:24,899
"STEVE HARVEY,"
"CHARLIE ROSE."
410
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,124
"CHARLIE ROSE"?!
411
00:16:26,202 --> 00:16:28,342
WHAT IS WRONG
WITH THESE PEOPLE?!
412
00:16:28,422 --> 00:16:30,292
APPARENTLY, THEY THINK
THE STORY IS FADING.
413
00:16:30,380 --> 00:16:32,430
YESTERDAY, A SECURITY CAMERA
CAUGHT KEVIN SPACEY
414
00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:35,913
PICKING HIS NOSE
AT A CHIPOTLE.
415
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,735
GIVE ME THE DAMN PHONE.
416
00:16:37,822 --> 00:16:40,002
HEY.
EASY WITH THIS.
417
00:16:44,916 --> 00:16:46,606
THIS IS WHAT
THE OLD MEDICINE BALL
418
00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:48,311
GRABBED THE PHONE
FROM ME FOR?
419
00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:49,528
IN THREE MINUTES,
420
00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,267
WE'RE GONNA GET THE TRUTH
421
00:16:51,358 --> 00:16:54,708
AS TO WHETHER TAMAURUS IS
THE FATHER OF SHAKAKWA'S BABY.
422
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:56,016
[ AUDIENCE OHHs ]
423
00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:57,712
BUT FIRST, WE HAVE
AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW
424
00:16:57,799 --> 00:17:01,499
WITH TRIUMPH NADLER
AND THE REVILED JACK MLICKI.
425
00:17:01,585 --> 00:17:05,365
[ AUDIENCE BOOING ]
426
00:17:05,459 --> 00:17:06,939
JUST BE THANKFUL
427
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,376
THAT JUNIE APPARENTLY
MASSAGED MR. POVICH'S PROSTATE
428
00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:11,553
AT THE DAYTIME EMMY AWARDS
AFTER PARTY
429
00:17:11,639 --> 00:17:12,679
ALL THOSE YEARS AGO.
430
00:17:12,770 --> 00:17:13,860
[ CHUCKLES ]
431
00:17:13,945 --> 00:17:15,335
UH, THANK YOU, MAURY.
432
00:17:15,425 --> 00:17:16,725
OH, WHAT A GREAT CROWD.
433
00:17:16,818 --> 00:17:18,598
YOU PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS
SO ENTHUSIASTIC.
434
00:17:18,689 --> 00:17:19,819
Shakakwa: "YOU PEOPLE"?
435
00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:21,558
LIKE WE TALK
BACK AT THE MOVIE SCREEN?
436
00:17:21,649 --> 00:17:22,949
THE HELL?
THAT'S WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING?
437
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,302
HUH?
WE LOUSY TIPPERS, TOO?
438
00:17:24,391 --> 00:17:26,441
THIS MOTHER [BLEEP]
TRYING TO SAY
439
00:17:26,523 --> 00:17:28,353
WE DON'T LEAVE NOTHING
ON THE MOTHER [BLEEP] TABLE.ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
440
00:17:28,438 --> 00:17:30,218
ALL RIGHT.
NOW -- NOW -- NOW --NO, GET OFF ME.
441
00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:32,310
GET OFF ME.NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
NOW -- NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
442
00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:34,879
TRIUMPH, ALL RIGHT,
YOU'VE KNOWN THIS GUY
FOR ALMOST TWO DECADES.
443
00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:37,836
HAS HE ALWAYS BEEN
A HATEFUL BIGOT?
444
00:17:37,926 --> 00:17:41,226
OH, I WOULDN'T CALL HIM HATEFUL,
AS FAR AS MASTERS GO.
445
00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:43,581
WAIT. DID HE JUST CALL HIM
"MASTERS"?
446
00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:45,411
[ AUDIENCE OOHs ]NO, NO, NO, NO.
447
00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:46,629
HE WAS QUITE FRIENDLY.
448
00:17:46,717 --> 00:17:49,497
HE'D SAY, "GOOD BOY,"
AND RUB MY HEAD!
449
00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:51,810
MAN, DON'T COME
OVER HERE, MAN. I'LL SLAP YOU!WHAT?! THAT IS RACIST!
450
00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:54,286
[ CHANTING "RACIST" ]
451
00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:57,857
[ ALL CHANTING "RACIST" ]
452
00:17:57,946 --> 00:17:59,636
WOW.
453
00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:02,560
THIS MAURY GUY'S GOOD.
I BET HE HAS US BACK.
454
00:18:02,646 --> 00:18:03,816
TRIUMPH, I DO NOT THINK
THIS IS WORKING.
455
00:18:03,908 --> 00:18:05,388
[ CHANTING CONTINUES ]
456
00:18:05,475 --> 00:18:07,555
OW! NOW, I AM QUITE SURE
THIS ISN'T WORKING.
457
00:18:07,651 --> 00:18:09,391
YOU GET ME OUT
OF THIS JAM RIGHT NOW!
458
00:18:09,479 --> 00:18:10,699
ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
HOLD ON.
459
00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:12,215
I GOT TO THINK.
460
00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:14,828
IF ONLY
I COULD FREEZE TIME.
461
00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,919
[ CHANTING STOPS ]
462
00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:19,838
WHOA.
WHAT -- WHAT HAPPENED?
463
00:18:19,924 --> 00:18:21,934
THAT ACTUALLY WORKED?
464
00:18:23,493 --> 00:18:25,713
SALUTATIONS, GENTLEMEN.
465
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,370
WOW. WHO'S THAT?
466
00:18:27,454 --> 00:18:30,204
I THINK
IT'S ALBERT EINSTEIN
467
00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:33,203
OR BARBARA WALTERS
BEFORE HAIR AND MAKEUP.
468
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:36,716
PROFESSIONALLY,
MY NAME IS MARK TWAIN.
469
00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:39,471
OH, FROM THE N-WORD BOOK.
470
00:18:39,553 --> 00:18:42,123
I CAME BEARING ADVICE
FOR YOUNG JACK.
471
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:43,378
OH, YES, PLEASE.
472
00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:46,130
THE TIMID MAN YEARNS
FOR FULL VALUE
473
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:47,782
AND DEMANDS A TENTH.
474
00:18:47,865 --> 00:18:52,035
THE BOLD MAN STRIKES FOR DOUBLE
AND COMPROMISES ON PAR.
475
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:56,571
DOES THE BOLD MAN EVER USE
AN EYEBROW TRIMMER?
476
00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:58,047
TRIUMPH.
477
00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,827
SERIOUSLY, WE WANT ADVICE
FROM THIS GUY?
478
00:18:59,921 --> 00:19:01,181
HEY, DOC BROWN,
479
00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:04,140
SET YOUR FLUX CAPACITOR
TO "SHOWER."
480
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:06,670
CAN I GET MY ADVICE OUT,
PLEASE?
481
00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:08,324
YES, TRIUMPH, PLEASE.
482
00:19:08,408 --> 00:19:11,058
LET THE NICE OLD BAG LADY
SPEAK.
483
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,150
ALL RIGHT,
WHAT DO YOU GOT?
484
00:19:13,239 --> 00:19:15,369
TWEET OUT A PICTURE
OF YOUR DICK.
485
00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:19,774
IT'LL CHANGE
THE CONVERSATION,
486
00:19:19,854 --> 00:19:21,384
GET PEOPLE TO THINK
YOU'RE INSANE,
487
00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:22,644
WHICH IS BETTER
THAN RACIST.
488
00:19:22,726 --> 00:19:24,766
NO WAY!
ARE YOU CRAZY?
489
00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:28,379
WHAT? THAT WAS THE FIRST
INTELLIGENT THING HE SAID.
490
00:19:28,471 --> 00:19:29,431
NO. I SAID NO.
491
00:19:29,516 --> 00:19:31,206
MY PRIVATES ARE PRIVATE.
492
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:34,000
ALL RIGHT, FANCY PANTS.
493
00:19:34,085 --> 00:19:35,435
THERE'S ONE OTHER OPTION.
494
00:19:35,522 --> 00:19:39,272
[ WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY ]
495
00:19:39,352 --> 00:19:42,092
[ CHANTING "RACIST" ]
496
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,491
[ AUDIENCE BOOING ]
497
00:19:43,573 --> 00:19:45,233
ALL RIGHT, STOP, STOP, STOP!
STOP!
498
00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:46,714
[ CHANTING, BOOING STOP ]STOP YOUR BOOING!
499
00:19:46,794 --> 00:19:49,284
I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.
500
00:19:49,362 --> 00:19:51,972
I DID NOT USE THAT TERRIBLE WORD
BECAUSE I MEANT IT.
501
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:54,280
I SAID IT BECAUSE I KNEW
IT WOULD BRING ME HERE,
502
00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:57,147
TO "THE MR. MAURY POVICH SHOW."
503
00:19:57,239 --> 00:20:01,029
THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS,
I AM IN LOVE WITH SHAKAKWA.
504
00:20:01,112 --> 00:20:02,462
OH, NO, NO.
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
505
00:20:02,549 --> 00:20:04,939
NOW, JACK, I MEAN,
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?
506
00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:06,679
I MEAN, SHAKAKWA
HAS BEEN DISAPPOINTED,
507
00:20:06,770 --> 00:20:10,510
LITERALLY,
BY HUNDREDS OF MEN.
508
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:15,000
YOU ARE THE LIGHT IN MY EYE,
MISS SHAKAKWA.
509
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:16,173
I-I LOVE YOU.
510
00:20:16,258 --> 00:20:17,258
MAY I KISS YOU,
MISS SHAKAKWA?
511
00:20:17,346 --> 00:20:18,476
NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO. NO, NO.
512
00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,515
YOU SEE THAT?NO, NO, NO. WAIT.
513
00:20:20,610 --> 00:20:23,180
THAT'S SOME GENTLEMEN
[BLEEP] RIGHT THERE.PUT A RING ON IT, HO.
514
00:20:23,265 --> 00:20:25,175
OH, YOU WANT THAT [BLEEP]?PUT A RING ON IT, HO.
515
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:26,487
COME HERE.GO GET THAT [BLEEP]
516
00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:28,013
THAT'S WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT.
517
00:20:28,096 --> 00:20:29,576
OKAY, WATCH HER
DUSTY-ASS WEAVE, MAN.
518
00:20:29,663 --> 00:20:32,103
WATCH THAT [BLEEP]
WATCH IT.
519
00:20:32,187 --> 00:20:33,227
[ AUDIENCE CHEERS ]
520
00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:34,489
DO YOU SEE NOW?
521
00:20:34,581 --> 00:20:36,021
NOW, IF I WAS A RACIST,
522
00:20:36,104 --> 00:20:37,634
WOULD I HAVE DONE THAT?NOW -- NOW -- NOW --
523
00:20:37,714 --> 00:20:40,154
NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW...PUT A RING ON IT,
PLAYER.
524
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,629
WAIT A -- WAIT A --
WAIT A MINUTE.PUT A RING ON IT.
525
00:20:42,719 --> 00:20:44,069
NOW, JACK. JACK.
YEAH.
526
00:20:44,155 --> 00:20:45,935
IF YOU LOVE HER,
WHAT HE IS SAYING IS...
527
00:20:46,027 --> 00:20:47,417
BACK THAT [BLEEP]
ON UP.
528
00:20:47,507 --> 00:20:48,857
UHH.
529
00:20:48,943 --> 00:20:50,513
IT'S WHAT TWAIN
WOULD'VE WANTED.
530
00:20:52,468 --> 00:20:55,118
MISS SHAKAKWA,
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
531
00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:56,260
OOH.
532
00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:57,952
YES, I WILL,
WHITE [BLEEP]
533
00:20:58,039 --> 00:20:59,129
WHOO! WHOO-HOO!
COME HERE.
534
00:20:59,214 --> 00:21:01,094
WHOO-HOO!
WHOO!
535
00:21:01,172 --> 00:21:03,392
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]WHOO! WHOO!
536
00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:06,049
GO PUT YOUR [BLEEP] SHIRT
BACK ON!
537
00:21:06,134 --> 00:21:07,484
HA! WHOO!
538
00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:09,220
[BLEEP] [BLEEP]
AIN'T MY BABY, HO!
539
00:21:09,311 --> 00:21:11,181
I GOT A MOTHER [BLEEP]
WHITE MAN.AIN'T MY BABY, HO!
540
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,790
EVERY THIS [BLEEP]
IN THE [BLEEP] [BLEEP] HOUSE.
541
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,800
PUT THIS SHIT
IN THE MICROWAVE, HO!
542
00:21:14,882 --> 00:21:16,882
YOU GET OUT OF MY FACE.[BLEEP] YOU!
543
00:21:16,971 --> 00:21:18,281
FEED THE BABY, BITCH.GO FEED THAT SHIT.
544
00:21:18,364 --> 00:21:19,414
WHO YOU TALKING TO?
545
00:21:20,844 --> 00:21:23,804
SO, YOU'RE TELLING ME,
FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS,
546
00:21:23,891 --> 00:21:26,851
I CAN DRINK ALL THE MILK
AND ANTIBIOTICS I WANT?
547
00:21:26,937 --> 00:21:29,287
[ Chuckling ]
YEAH, IT'S GREAT.
548
00:21:29,375 --> 00:21:31,985
UNLESS WE VOTE YOU OFF.
549
00:21:32,073 --> 00:21:33,863
YOU CAN VOTE?
550
00:21:39,559 --> 00:21:40,729
[ SIGHS ]
551
00:21:40,821 --> 00:21:42,911
I SWEAR I MEANT WELL,
JACK.
552
00:21:42,997 --> 00:21:44,997
I ONLY WANTED TO GET FAMOUS
553
00:21:45,086 --> 00:21:47,826
FROM YOU BEING FAMOUS
FOR RACISM.
554
00:21:47,915 --> 00:21:50,695
I KNOW, BUDDY,
AND IT'S NOT ALL BAD.
555
00:21:50,787 --> 00:21:54,007
I LIKE SHARING FEEDING DUTIES
WITH SHAKAKWA.
556
00:21:54,095 --> 00:21:56,835
YEAH, SHAKAKWA'S
GOT HER HANDS FULL.
557
00:22:05,715 --> 00:22:07,365
♪ BA-DA, BA-DA, BA-DA
558
00:22:07,456 --> 00:22:10,756
♪ UNH, BA, BA-DE
559
00:22:10,851 --> 00:22:13,241
UH, WHAT ABOUT NEXT MONTH?
I'M DOING A REALITY SHOW.
560
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:15,032
WHAT IS IT?
561
00:22:15,116 --> 00:22:16,806
[ Chuckling ] OH, IT'S --
IT'S CALLED "THE VEAL WORLD."
562
00:22:16,900 --> 00:22:19,120
IT'S A GROUP OF FO--
SON OF A BITCH.
563
00:22:19,207 --> 00:22:20,117
[ LAUGHTER ]
564
00:22:20,208 --> 00:22:21,778
HOLY SHIT.
COME ON, FATONE.
565
00:22:21,862 --> 00:22:24,082
YOU HAVE FEWER LINES
THAN YOU DID IN 'NSYNC.
566
00:22:24,168 --> 00:22:25,428
NO SHIT.
567
00:22:25,518 --> 00:22:28,128
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
39502
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