Original subtitles

Previously, on "The Barbarian and the Troll"...

- Kendar? - Your majesty.

I will track down that barbarian.

- Skelly, you don't have the guts.

- Never mind the smell.

- No, Kendar. No!

Don't do this! No, no, Brendar!

- I've got two left feet, and I'm missing a toe.

- I can step on Alvin's tail for you.

- Her tail?

- It's her most sensitive spot.

- ♪ I can't feel bad 'cause it's just too good ♪

- We found Alvin the Demon.

- You think? - Even I figured that out.

[ominous music]

- I am Alvin the Demon.

And now, I'm going to end you all.

- Wait a minute.

We spent all this time looking for Alvin,

and she was hiding in plain sight

as Queen Shimmereen?

- Yes, I thought that was pretty clear in my song.

- Okay, you are Alvin the Demon and also Queen Shimmereen?

- Yes.

- Okay, but your wings grew out and--

- Evan, she was right in front of us the whole time.

- I was dying to go, "Surprise! Alvin here,"

just to see your scared little face.

- Now you see it. Do I look scared?

- You look like you're about to beg for your life.

Just like your mother. - [gasps]

- Let's have a little instant replay.

- Please. - Mom?

- Take me. Please, don't harm my children.

Please. - Oh-ho, oh-ho.

[laughing] - [sighs]

- Do you want me to replay it in slow motion?

It's hilarious.

She sounds like a sleepy walrus.

- You're going down!

Literally!

- Okay, good news.

Alvin broke her fall.

Bad news, she seemed really mad about it.

Last one downstairs is an [indistinct] butt.

- ♪ A troll burned his bridge ♪

♪ A warrior lost her crown ♪

♪ I'm not being poetic ♪

♪ That's literally what went down ♪

♪ Together their journey has begun ♪

♪ Combining might and melody ♪

♪ To quest and smite a demon ♪

♪ And find their true family ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ "The Barbarian and the Troll" ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ "The Barbarian and the Troll" ♪

- Come on! - [panting] Okay.

Battle's on. Who brought snacks?

- Typical Brendar, getting mad and smashing stuff.

- Brendar, give this low level devil the Axe.

- [grunting] - Too slow.

Oh.

Missed me. [laughs]

- Unbelievable. I flirted with Queen Shimmereen

at last year's falconry festival.

- Dad, I think that's something you're gonna want to

keep to yourself.

- How long is this going to take?

I have to go buy a tombstone for your grave.

- Why else would you buy a tombstone?

- One chop and you're done demon.

- Time for us to bury the hatchet.

- Get your drippins' off of me.

- Ah-ha!

[both gasp]

- That is stone cold.

- She can't defeat Alvin without Axe.

- Here we go, Barbarian.

Just you and me.

- Bring it on, you hideous hellion.

[dramatic Western music]

[both yelling]

[grunting]

- Ooh, sparks are flying.

- Oh! [grunting]

- Ahh.

- Alvin moves in with the claws!

Swipety, swipety and a scratch.

Ooh, she got a hit. She got a hit.

That is a so-solid. [clears throat] So.

[gulps, clears throat]

- [snarls] - [yells]

- Go, Brendar!

- Go, Alvin! - What the?

- Hey, Barbarian.

[snarls]

[screams]

- [laughing evilly] - Hang in there.

- I hate to be the queen of obvious,

but you seem a little tied up.

- Oh, that's lame.

- [cackling]

Hey, how am I doin'?

- Uh, great. - [laughs uncomfortably]

- You really got her on the ropes.

- Yep. - I-I got a plan.

It's all under control!

- I lied. She's in a real pickle.

- Bad news, Barbarian. I'm gonna have to let you go.

- [screaming]

- Lazy barbarian. Lying down on the job.

[laughing] You see what I did there?

- [groans]

- You leave my friend alone!

Ahh!

- Wow, he's a real go-getter.

- He's gonna go get her killed!

- [grunts] Swing!

I now realize this is a poorly hatched plan.

Ahh!

- [yells]

- [panting] - [grunting]

- Okay, we need a plan.

We can't just go rushing into things like Evan.

- Love you, Pops.

- Wha--that is the exact opposite of what I just said!

- Hey, demon! Hey, hey, hey!

Up high, down low, too slow.

- Stacey, the tail!

- I've got the tail if you've got the Axe!

Whoa! Ow.

- That's it!

Time to transmogrophy.

[mumbling indistinctly]

[laughs]

[music slows, stops]

Oh, drumsticks!

- Go lay an egg, wizard.

[laughing]

- [grunting] Come on!

- [spits] I'm hacked off.

- Yeah, buddy.

- [laughing]

[dramatic music]

- [grunts]

- Missed me, Barbarian.

- I wouldn't be so sure of that.

- Call it. Heads or tails?

- Tails.

- No, no!

Defeated?

By a lowly ba...ba...

ba...[groans]

all: Barbarian.

- Po-tae-to, po-ta-to.

[heroic music]

[jaunty court music]

both: Yay!

- She did it! - [panting]

- Oh, we're so glad you're okay.

- Holy smokes, Sharon,

you're so brave! - I know.

- Brendar, it's done.

- We defeated the demon Alvin. - Yeah, we did!

- Whoo-hoo! - Whoo!

So now what?

- We practice signing our autographs.

- No, no, no. I mean, this whole time

we've been on a quest to defeat the demon Alvin

so now that it's done, what do we do?

- Do you think we'll even have stuff to talk about?

- Huh.

[sighs]

- [popping lips]

- Um.

- Hm. What kind of dark magic is this?

- The kind that breaks an awkward silence.

- Mom?

- Hello, Brendar.

- Greek god Mory and ghosts,

it's her mom, Glendar.

- Every name in their family rhymes?

- I'm proud of how strong you are.

- Mom, I missed you so much. - I missed you too.

There's something you need to know.

- Oh, we already know. Ghosts are real.

- No, wizard. What I wanted to say was

I was queen when Alvin wanted to steal the crown.

That's why we fled to the farmlands for safety.

But now that Alvin is gone,

you are the rightful queen.

- What are you talking about? - Once the royal monarchs

of the four realms give their blessing,

you will take your place

as the next queen of Gothmoria.

Rule with kindness,

and you will always be loved.

Oh, and tell your brother to get some counseling.

And remember, I'm always with you.

- This is too weird.

I'm a barbarian not a queen. - Also weird,

your mom dropping in from the great beyond.

We're just gonna gloss over that?

- Hey, Brendar. I think the people of Gothmoria

will feel so safe and protected

with a barbarian warrior for a queen.

- Maybe this is your next great quest.

- Barbarian queen, huh?

It has a nice ring to it.

- Long live Queen Brendar! - Yay!

[all cheer] - Long live Brendar!

- Whoo-hoo! - [exhales heavily]

[puddle squishes] - Oh, gross.

I stepped in a puddle of Alvin.

- Pay attention now.

There are five neighboring kingdoms

that make up the great realm. Nordronica, Swamporia,

Upper and Lower Krelm, and of course Gothmoria.

- Hmm, I hope there isn't a geography quiz.

- Me neither. I was never very good at math.

- Now, the leaders of each land are coming to visit the castle

to officially acknowledge you as queen.

- Mm! You have to get their approve--

- We'll serve the monarchs

a meal between lunch and supper.

- Oh, I call that sunch. - Why not lupper?

- Mm. - No, that sounds like

a kind of fish. - Yeah.

- You have to impress the royals

or else you'll never be queen.

It's important to look the part.

A queen's clothes must be as glamorous as her crown,

so we had a dress made. - Ow, check it out!

I sewed it myself using the most exquisite silks

from land's end and afar!

- It doesn't look like anything I'd wear.

- [sighs] It's just until they agree

that you're the best queen.

- Yeah, and then, Brendar, you can improve the life

of every citizen in Gothmoria.

- Yeah, don't worry, Brendar. We'll help you.

I can razzle dazzle them with my magic.

- Yeah, and I'll sing some songs.

This coronation will be a celebration.

- No, no, no. This meal is an invite-only deal.

No commoners allowed.

- Who are you calling common? - Well, that's okay, Brendar.

We'll sit this one out

so you sit on the throne.

It's not biggie.

- Fine.

I'll play your coronation game.

But not without my quest friends.

- But the rules! - They're not even royal.

- They are now. May I present Horus,

my most trusted vizier and royal wizard.

- AKA chief of staff.

Poof!

- And Evan will be our illustrious court bard.

- Poof!

- [laughs] No one will bard as hard as I.

- Oh, oh, what about me?

- You will be the queen's royal scepter.

- Ooh, bow down to me, regular scepters.

- And Stacey will now be

the official state bird of Gothmoria.

- Poof!

- Cool. I got a face for flags.

- And this dress...

- Whoa!

[both gasp]

- Hmm.

Huh, that's more like it.

- I worked really hard on this dress.

Whatev. [sad guitar riff]

- You're just changing everything.

- Yes, I wanna be a queen for all the people.

- Here, here.

- There, there. - What, what?

- I'm going to use this sunch to show the other royals

how we can all do a better job of ruling.

- And they're gonna love it.

- Yeah.

And I want the tavern to cater.

Kyle will make a cake as big as a snogre's foot.

- Whoo-hoo! - Huzzah!

Ultimate celebration!

[grunts, laughs] - Whoa!

[fireworks whistling, exploding]

- [chuckles] Yeah!

"Lon glive nardbar"?

- Oh, Dad.

We really gotta work on your spelling.

- Well, you get the idea.

- [clears throat]

Ahoy paloy,

I'd like to welcome our honored guests.

The King of Nordronica.

- My pelt is absolutely famished.

[laughs] - [munching loudly]

- The Grand Duchess of the Upper Krelm.

- Hello.

- I would give my left wing

to make a nest out of that hideous hair.

- The Queen of Swamporia.

- It's lovely to be here

among so many available men.

- Hey, I'm missing a toe.

- Tell me more. [chuckles]

- And the Duke of--

Where's the Duke of the Lower Krelm?

- I guess he stood us up. - Rude.

- As you all know, I'm new to this royal thing.

- Well, that explains whatever that is you're wearing.

- Well, because I wanted to do things differently.

- Ooh, tell them about the changes

you wanna make as queen. - Yeah, I--

- Changes? Did that repulsive apple tree frog say "changes"?

- Preposterous. - Nonsense.

- Pish posh. - Squish squash.

- I-I am a troll, your duchessness.

A-and Brendar's got a lot of big ideas for Gothmoria.

- Once we crown Brendar queen, those silly feelings of change

will pass, unlike my raging case of gout.

[laughter]

- Oh, a shoutout for gout!

- But I don't want it to pass.

I wanna make Gothmoria a better place to live.

- What? By putting an owl on your flag?

- Hey, that owl is me.

- Well, I wanna be a leader for everyone whether they're human,

owl, troll, or weapon.

- Now that's a proclamation! Hm!

- She sounds just like

the Duke of Lower Krelm. - True.

He treats his people with a disgusting amount of dignity.

- Um, where is the Duke of Lower Krelm anyway?

- Oh, he couldn't attend.

- Apparently, his kingdom is being invaded

by an evil warlock.

- An evil warlock? - Invaded?

We have to help them.

Come on, gang. Let's go block a warlock!

- Yeah! - Yeah!

both: No thanks.

- We are in the middle of an important coronation decision.

- Just leave those pointless quests to the barbarians.

- Unless, you don't want to be a queen.

- Um, hey, Brendar,

whatever you decide, we'll all with you.

- Hm.

- And I've decided I'm with you, wizard.

- Ooh, hm.

- Totes inapprotes. - She'll never be my stepmom.

- [panting]

[dramatic music]

- And then the fish says to the mermaid...

- [indistinct whispering]

- "You're not half bad."

[laughter]

- Big news, everybody.

A warlock has invaded Lower Krelm.

- Boring. - Yeah, we already heard.

- Well, then, what are you waiting for?

Remember, Brendar?

When respect is lacking, my Axe starts hacking.

- Huh. - You're a barbarian queen now.

- Not yet she isn't.

- And if a certain barbarian wants to become queen,

she'll have to wait until after our scalding hot tea is served.

- So is this what it means to be royal?

Just sitting around and sunching

and not doing anything when there's trouble nearby?

- That and raising taxes.

[laughter]

- I can't leave until these royals pronounce me queen.

- Evil warlocks are dangerous.

They have war right in their name.

- You know, Gothmoria needs a leader.

- Uh, yeah, I know.

- Take it from a guy who was locked in a demon cave

for 11 years.

You guys seem pretty trapped right now.

- [sighs]

- So will the dawn of a new day

in Gothmoria have to wait, Brendar?

- I-I--

- Anyways, I've gotta run. I have my own quest to go on.

- Oh, I like quests. - Sorry, Axe.

It's an inner quest to find my personality.

- Huh.

- Goodbye.

- I wonder what kind of personality he'll get.

- Hear ye, hear ye. - [barks]

- It's time for Brendar's official coronation as queen.

Get ready for a whole new life as royalty, Brendar.

- Wait, I--

[exciting orchestral music]

- Wha?

- Welcome, Queen Brendar, to your coronation.

You can drop the barbarian and embrace your new station.

all: ♪ New queen in the house ♪

♪ This will be interesting ♪

- Yes, quite, quite.

Dance rehearsal each morning and a ball every night.

- If someone says you're not cute,

you can burn down their cottage.

- Smash your minstrel's loot.

- You can spit in his porridge.

all: ♪ New queen in the house ♪

♪ This will be ♪

- Interesting. - [barking]

- Interesting. You'll quickly catch on.

Plenty of peasants to present you with gifts as you long.

- And they'll say you smell lovely

even if you've not bathed.

You'll just dance... - Primp and prance.

- While they grovel and wave.

- You'll behead them at will. Which one, it's a science.

all: Welcome Queen Brendar of Gothmoria

to the official royal alliance!

♪ Do-do-do-do-do, do-do ♪

- [barks]

- Where'd she go? - The crown is gone.

- Where's that man in the nightgown?

- Well, if you peeps didn't fill up on sunch,

I've serving an oversized coronation cake.

Here's my knife. - Oh, what?

- Surprise!

I shall finally exact my revenge.

Wait, where is Queen Brendar?

- Lookie there, it's a cake jester.

- What?

- I don't remember adding bones to my recipe.

- We should take our scorching hot tea

and throw it on him for fun.

Splash! - [screams]

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Oh, that burns!

- What fun. - Ow!

Hot, hot, hot! Ah! Ah!

[all panting]

- We did it. We got outta there.

- One more minute, I would've been engaged.

- One more second at that dinner party

probably would've killed me.

- Okay, well, I guess we can all agree.

We are not royals.

- For sure. I'm not meant to live life in a gilded cage.

- No, we're meant to battle bad guys

and help Gothmoria.

- Exactly. A barbarian can make changes

for the people way better than some stuffy royal.

- Right, and I'm not some hoity-toity court bard.

I'm a rugged adventurer

who likes to write peppy songs about his quests.

- Then what do you say we do the job we were all made for.

Let's quest to Lower Krelm

and save them from the evil warlock.

all: Yeah!

- I've got some new spells. Let's go.

- Let's fly!

- Oh, hey, but Brendar, um,

who stayed behind to do

all the queen stuff?

- Don't worry. I took care of it.

- Sharon, this box came for you.

Mystery pack-age! [guitar riffs]

- "Rule with kindness or I'll come back and kick your butt.

From B the B."

- Huh?

[angelic choral music]

♪ ♪

- Kev-Kev, my dream has come true.

- Oh, my liege,

that's awesome!

[chuckles] My liege.

[dramatic music]

- It fits perfectly.

♪ ♪

- Yeah.

- Faster, Kev-Kev.

- Yes.

- Faster. - Yeah.

- Too much. That's too cold. I'm chilly.

- My bad.

- Good choice.

She'll make a decent queen.

- I'll keep an eye on her. - Oh, phew.

- Shake your tail feather. Let's go!

- That warlock's not gonna kick his own butt.

- Let's get choppin'. - Mm-hmm.

- Well, looks like you're gonna be writing a bunch

of new quest songs.

- Yeah, it looks like you're gonna be busy tearing

apart a lot of new enemies with your bare hands.

- You sure you're up for it? - Well, on the inside,

I'm totally terrified and super scared of dying.

- That's good. It keeps you sharp.

- Yeah, but on the outside, I'm really into it

and very excited to go with you on a brand new quest.

[gentle music]

- I just wanna say

I'm really glad I met you, Troll.

Now let's get questing.

- Yeah.

♪ I set out upon a journey ♪

♪ And I went somewhere, that was a journey ♪

♪ Maybe more journeys need me ♪

- ♪ Maybe more evil trees in the forest ♪

♪ Need another little troll to eat ♪

- ♪ Maybe I finally found ♪

♪ Where I'm meant to be ♪

[chuckles, exhales]

- Evan, hurry up! - Huh? Okay!

Remember, my legs are smaller so--wait up!

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