All language subtitles for SuperMansion.S02E06_English

-Babe, we've been dating
three months now, and I know
it's early, but, well...

(chuckles)
look up in the sky.

-Is that a plane?
What's it say?

It's flying right
in front of the sun.

-That's why I told you
to bring sunglasses, Tina.

I wasn't just being a dick.

-Oh, my dear,
sweet Christ.

-Is that a "yes"?
-(people screaming)

-Shut the fuck up! Look!
-(heavy footsteps)

-No, by the way.

-Wait, wait, wait.
What the hell is he doing
in there? Oh.

Oh, no. God-- God damn it!
-(dials)

-I don't see any curly fries
on that tray, Blue Menace!

I don't see
any curly fries at all!

I would've
come in and done it myself,
but someone had to watch Blazar.

Did you just take a drink
of my Jamocha Shake?

Yeah. I know
it's good, motherfucker!
That's why I ordered it.

That's it. I'm coming in.
-(screeching)

-(heavy footsteps)
-(ominous music playing)

-(screeches, chittering)

-No, I know, I know
the chicken's good,

but if I'm at Arby's,
I'm getting the roast beef.

Oh, shit. Where's Blazar?

-Man: We've decrypted
the signal emanating

from the UFO
we call "Asteros."

-Why are
we calling it "Asteros"?

-(beeps)
-I am Asteros,

and I shall
be called Asteros.

-Yeah, gotcha.

-I have come
for my herald, Blazar.

You will bring him to me
or be destroyed.

-Blazar was one
of the villains that escaped
the League of Freedom's mansion.

They could be
our only hope of finding him.

-The fate of the world is
in the hands of the League?

Hope NASA sells condoms
in the bathrooms, boys,

'cause we's
about to get fucked.

-(theme music playing)

-(screeches)

-(groans) Anyone seen
my multivitamins?

-Are you talking
about the gummy candies
I found on the fridge?

-How I choose to get my vitamins

is my business.
Have you seen 'em?

-I gave them
to Courtney and Saturn.

They needed movie candy.

I wasn't about to let them
buy food at a theater

that's still showing
"Jack Reacher: Never Go Back."

-(sighs)
-Portia, if you'd let me
take you to the movies,

we'd purchase our licorice
from the top shelf,

first class all the way.
I'm talking horehound soda,

Choward's Lemon Mints,
the works.

-Courtney and I are very happy.
Thank you.

-That was stupid.

-Still mulling over
what the Black Saturn
from the future told you?

-(sighs) Yeah.
Saturn's older self

seemed to think
keeping him on the team
was a dangerous mistake,

and I have to admit,
he is a liability.

-We can get you
more vitamins, Rex.

-It's not about my gummies!

Saturn's a wild card.

I can't count the times
he's put the team in danger,
but I have to--

oh! Agony, you know
we have a goddamn doorbell!

-Oh, do you, Rex?
Well, I got a goddamn space god

looking to put his foot
up planet Earth's ass.

-Are you drunk?

-Any of you motherfuckers
been outside?

-(ominous music playing)

-Dang! That thing is bigger
than King Leprechaun!

-And unlike whatever thing
you just made up,
Asteros is real.

We have 12 hours
to produce Blazar,

or this thing
gonna destroy the world,

so I need your help
tracking him down.

-Oh, well, you see, Blazar--
we had to, uh--

-Are you in a production
of "Chicago"?
-What?

-That's an awful lot
of tap dancing, Rex!

What did you do to Blazar?

-Blazar? I nailed him
with an EVO-RAY.

He's a space monkey now.
Up high!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are we talking about?

There's only one thing
that matters right now.

-Jack Reacher is back!
-That movie's still
in the theaters?

-Let's get back on track here.

Saturn, we'll need
that EVO-RAY to fix Blazar.

-(hesitantly)
Oh, yeah.

-Didn't you drop that
in the pool?

-No! Fuck you, Courtney!
It's in my room.
I'll go find it.

-Yeah, probably can't rely
on the EVO-RAY.

-I got that.
Unfortunately, I've also got
an intergalactic space god

who wants Blazar
at precise coordinates
in 12 hours.

-Give me those coordinates.

I defeated Blazar
in hand-to-hand combat.

For all we know,
that makes me Earth's champion.

-Pretty big leap.

-I will talk
to Asteros... alone.

-(binoculars whir)

-Well, this is the dumbest thing
I have ever been a part of,

and I was once
in a hip-hop dance crew called

"Foxy Papa
and the Popping Lock Jocks

with Sock Knocker,
the Big Booty Rocker."

-Seems like too many words.

-You don't think
I know that now?

I was Lock Jock Number Four.

-If Saturn turning Blazar
into a monkey

ends up destroying the world,

then future Black Saturn
was right.

-(sighs)
-(heavy footstep)

-(ominous music playing)

-Where is my herald?

Where is Blazar?

-Well, who's he looking for,
Harold or Blazar?

-Well, wish me luck.

-Saturn on radio:
Not so fast. I got this, Rex.

-(motorcycle revving)

-Blazar. He did it!

(laughs)
He pulled it off!

-(slowed)
Don't tell.

-Holy...
-Shh...!

-That's Saturn!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!

If Asteros is
anything like Homey--

and I very much suspect he is--
he's not gonna play that!

-(speaks alien language)

-(hesitantly)
Hakuna matata.

Look, when I'm down here,
you got to talk to me in human.

-(groans)
Blazar, my chosen one,

have you prepared
the Earthlings for my coming?

-Not quite yet.
Waiting for the perfect time

to start, you know,
preparing people.

-You've said nothing
about my coming?

-Yeah. I've dropped
a few choice hints.

Humans call that foreshadowing.

It's very effective.
Just ask Lee Child.

-Is Lee Child also a god?

-Uh, he invented Jack Reacher,
so, to many people, yeah.

-Hmm. Your points
make sense, Blazar.

When do you think
I should arrive?

-How 'bout I call you?

-(ominous music plays)

-That works for me.

Thank you, chosen one.
I will leave you.

-(heavy footsteps)
-It actually worked! Holy sh--

-Ah-heh-hem!

-(annoyed) What?
-You snapped at me
pretty hard back there.

-(whispers) What are you doing?
-I'm not saying I deserve

an apology,
but it couldn't hurt.

-(suspenseful music plays)

-Mm, guilty.

-(all sigh)
-Big of you to admit it.
You may go.

-(screeching)
-Saturn: Uh...

-What the hell? Blazar?

-(laser hums)
-No, no, no, no!

-Deception!

-I've been made! Take the shot!
Repeat, take the shot!

-Ain't no shot to take,
motherfucker!

-Unh-unh.
-To me, my Blazar!

Your deception
has damned your world.

Prepare to meet
your destruction.

Prepare to meet
the World Thrasher!

-(ominous music plays)

-Okay. Now Saturn doomed us all.

-Well, I called that.

-(electronic humming)

-Good God.
What is Asteros building?

-That, we presume,
is the World Thrasher.

If our calculations are correct,

it has the power to consume
our planet many times over.

-How long do we have?

-A day, maybe two.
-Well, do you know for sure?

'Cause I was
about to pull the trigger

on a Flintstones
leather jacket on eBay,

and I need
to know if I should get
next-day shipping.

-Get it.
-Luckily, we have a plan.

A nuclear payload delivered
to the heart of the device
just might bring it down.

-Ah, ah, ah, ah.
You don't even have to ask.

The League of Freedom
is at your service.

-Oh, uh,
we actually have an army

of highly trained astronauts
at our disposal.

-(sighs)
-But I suppose

it is a suicide mission.
You're in.

-Whoo-hoo!
-Yes!

-I can't wait.
I'm gonna pack

six months of grueling astronaut
training into 12 hours.

-I wish I could help, Rex,

but Zenith is
in trouble with her mother
in the gods' realm.

I can't transform
into her until they've
got it all sorted out.

-What's that I hear?
This impressive woman
needs something to do?

Well, you're working
with me-- Mission Control.

-I'll help where I can, Mr...

-It's Sergeant... Agony.
(smooches)

-(mutters)
This son of a bitch--
-Let the games begin.

-(over speaker)
This will test your
g-force tolerance.

-I'm gonna save you
some time. Infinite.

-We'll start you off
at a low 1.1g.

-(puking)

-We just need to make sure
you're not gonna lock

the pod bay doors
with your team trapped in space.

-Wow. Kubrick really
did a number

on my people's reputation.

-(screeching)

-We'll need to sedate
the cat for air travel.

Saturn, you're next.
-(puking)

-(bubbling)

-I'm here.
You can hold my hand
if you get nervous, girl.

-(growls)
-(bubbling rapidly)

-I can fly,
I have superhuman strength,

and, yes, that pleasant smell
is my natural body odor.
Are we done here?

-Almost. We just need
a semen sample.

-Okay. Where do I--
-I have to watch.

-Hey! Get outta here!

Security!
He doesn't work here.

-(heroic music playing)

-(puking)

-Saturn, what the hell
are you doing here?

You can't even do
the damn slow-mo hero walk

without throwing up.
You're grounded.

-Rex!
-Agony is right, Saturn.

This mission is too important.

We can't have any liabilities.

Where do you get off--
oh, God! I gotta get
to the bathroom!

(puking)
-(sighs) Shall we?

-You sit right here, Ms. Jones.

I want you here
in case of any problems.

I've seen you handle
one or two on your show.
You know what I'm saying?

-Oh, you watch?

-I am a fan, yes,
of the host especially.

-That is my seat, actually.

-(whispering)
Motherfucker, are you blind?
I'm working here.

-Robobot:
Remember, once I interface

with the shuttle's
control computer,

my body will
be rendered lifeless
for the duration of the flight.

Oh, nobody cares.
Well, fuck it then.
We are go for launch!

(whirs down)

-How are the sedatives
working, Cooch?

-I'm feeling all good, Rex,
all, all good indeed.

-Rex:
Maybe you shouldn't hold
onto those pills yourself.

So, is there
a countdown or--

-Man on P.A.:
Launch is go.

-(rockets blasting)
-Holy shit!

Do whatever you have to do!

-All right,
all right, all right.

-(heroic music playing)

-All systems are go.
-Escape velocity reached.

-Are either of you engineers
or qualified to make those
statements in any way?

-Robobot on speakers:
Artificial gravity engaged.

Everyone that's not me
is free to walk around.

You'd know why I can't move
if you'd been listening
to me earlier.

-Look at it.
America looming large
over the rest of the world.

Ah, and-- and there's
the rest of the world,

a-- a tiny blue marble
in a vast darkness,

uh, lots of black darkness.

-Ranger, are you all right?
-Does it matter if I'm
all right, Rex?

Does the blackness care
if I'm all right?

Time for a nice long think.

-That's probably
going to be a thing.

Robobot, how are we doing?

-Robobot on speaker:
All systems normal,

although we appear
to be using more oxygen
than planned.

-That's weird.
(retching)

-Saturn! What the hell
are you doing here?

-Don't worry.
My stomach is
completely empty.

(retching)
There's nothing left
to throw up.

-Robobot on speaker:
Rex, we're closing in
on Asteros.

-(energy humming)

-That's a big bowl,
1 million tons.

I'd do whatever
the hell I want.

I can respect that.

Maybe we talk it out
over a quesadilla,

watch the cheese stretch.

-(retching)
Don't talk about food!

-The giant man is
building a weapon
of ultimate destruction.

The universe is a seed
populated by gods and monsters.

I need to use the restroom!

-Let's gear up, people.

-Babe?
-I-- I told you to stay
in the gift shop, baby.

-Well, I got a stomachache.
I think I had too much
astronaut food.

-You mean dehydrated ice cream?
That is not food.

-Looks like we've got
a real Anthony Bourdain here.

We take pride in our cuisine!
-(babbling)

It ain't worth it, dawg.
It ain't worth it.

-There's Earth right there.
Nothing has changed.

You're just really high up.

-Free will is an illusion.

The universe is an atom,
and you're a subatomic particle.

-(rattled)
S-Shut up. I'm American Ranger.

I-- I have a name and a family!

-Who will die and waste away,
just like you.

-Stop it! Get out of my head!

-You are nothing but a joke
the universe played on itself.

-Shut up!
-(groans)

-(cracking)
-Uh-oh.

-(alarm blaring)
-(clanging)

-Robobot:
Pressure loss
in the cargo hold.

-What the-- whoa!

What the hell did you do?

-(mutters)
Punched the bastard
in the face, son of a bitch.

-Robobot:
Oxygen level falling.
Cooch, what are you doing?

-You gotta find that balance
where helping yourself
helps everyone else.

-Robobot:
Yeah, cool. But still,
what are you doing? Whoa!

-(grunts)
-Robobot:
Not my ideal fix.

-What the hell happened in here?
-Wouldn't stop talking.

Wouldn't stop talking.
Wouldn't leave me alone.

I-- I had to strike him!
-Space madness. (retches)

Not everyone
is cut out for this.
(retching)

-Agony on radio:
What happened up there?

Your oxygen levels
have dropped to half!

-No. (laughs)
Everything is fine.

Uh, we're approaching
the drop zone now. Rex out.
-(static)

-You have to trust Rex, Agony.
He knows what he's doing.

-I knew you were
too fine to be smart.

-(emphatically)
I've watched Titanium Rex
save the world three times.

-Okay. I will take back
the comment regarding
your intelligence,

but my comment about you
being a fine woman stands.

-Oh. Does it?
-Holy shit!

The sexual tension is palpable!

-Yeah, this ice cream
is that good.

-Sorry. It's for your own goo--
(retching)

your own-- your own--
your own good.

-Robobot:
Rex, we have a problem.
-(beeping)

-Ah, ah, ah.
I don't wanna hear
about anything

other than delivering
this nuclear payload

to that giant pain
in my ass out there.

-Robobot:
No. Rex, we've lost
half our oxygen,

and with Black Saturn
onboard, I--
-Spit it out!

-Robobot:
There's not enough air
for the return trip home.

You have to decide
between the mission
and the lives of your team.

-Do they know?
-Robobot: Not yet.

-(sighs)

Once I'm out,
turn the ship around
and take the team home.

-But you won't survive.
-That's an order.

-That looks like a big dude
with big plans.

Funny thing is,
sometimes the biggest dudes

have little dudes in 'em.
Question is, can you find 'em?

-Do you have
any of those pills left?

I wanted to give
some to Ra-- (retching)

to Rang-- to Rang--

to Ranger. No!

-(alarm blaring)
-Robobot: Saturn, he's torn
out my control module. Help!

-What are you doing,
Ranger? (retching)

-For years,
I looked to the big man
upstairs for answers,

but the only big men
I see are out there,
and I have questions.

-No! (retching)
Robobot, where is Rex?

-I'm not supposed
to tell you that.
-Where is Rex?

-(beeping)

-Computer voice:
Bomb armed.

-Oh, I wish I could see

that space god's stupid face
when this thing blows.

-Are you talking about me?

Are you calling
my face stupid?

-Asteros, you didn't think
I'd let you destroy my planet,
did you?

-I really didn't have
a strong opinion about you
one way or the other.

Look, I'm not
on a first-name basis
with all seven billion of you.

-Well, the name's Titanium Rex,
and I'm about to personally ru--

-Can you just--
can you hold that thought?

There's a weird dude
floating towards my face.

-Oh, shit.

-Who dares approach
the all-powerful Asteros?

Have you ever heard
of personal space?

-What does it all mean?
W-why are we here?

-It is not for humans
to know the knowledge
contained within the gods.

-Within the gods?
Loud and clear.

-Oblivion is your only esca--
are you flying into my mouth?

-The answers--
they're inside you!
They must be!

-We had a good run,
didn't we?

Okay. You're talking
to yourself.

You're obviously stalling.
Let's just do this.

-Saturn: No!
-Saturn, what are you doing?

-Saving your a--
(retching)

-(bomb clattering)
-No, you idiot!

I have to detonate that
by hand!

-Uh, no, you don't...
(retching) because I brought...
the remote.

-Saturn, for once
in your life--
-(retching)

-(clattering)

-Dear God.
You've killed the world.

-(grunts)
Where am I?

Heaven? Hell? Oh!

-(man speaking in distance)

-Is that you, God?
It's me, American Ranger.

If you're really God,
you'll know my real name.
That's the first test.

-Why are you all still here?

I was trying to save your lives!
Where's Ranger?

-Some men want money,
some power.

Some just want answers.

And where great men
have gone before,

well, you could do
a lot worse than follow.

-(engines roar)

-Rex: Cooch!

-Dear God.

-(screeches)

-What is it, son? No!

-You're Asteros?
You're just a withered old man.

-No. I'm a withered old man
who built a god.

-Completely whiffed
the math on that one.

-Hyah!
-(screams)

-Fear not. If there is a God,
you will meet him soon.

Or her. Could be a her.
-(screeching)

-What the hell
is going on here?

-Looks like we've
got a "Wizard of Oz"
situation, everybody.

-Hey, don't worry
about me, guys.

I'll reconnect my AI
to my body myself.

Oh, my God.
I chose a terrible time
to create a distraction.

-(whirring)
-Now the punishment
for turning a Strocare herald

into a monkey will be known
across the universe.

-(humming, crackling)

-Turn that thing off,
or you'll find your throat
under this boot.

-Your threats don't scare me.

I'm a galactic warlord,
like my son.

-Well, I beat
your son half to death
with his own space bike.

-Is that true?
-(screeches)

-That bike was
a birthday present!

(shouts, grunting)

-(screeches)
-Help me! Help!

-How do we...
(retches) stop this thing?

-It's a fine line,
the one between the driver
and the driven,

a man and his tools.

Sometimes, that line
needs to be crossed...

hard.

-No! You've just delayed
the inevitable. The last--

-Aah!
-Nap time, mother-- (retches)

-Look at that, another pill.

-Cooch, that isn't a pill!

That's a nuclear device
that could be triggered
at any moment.

-Dorito, "Dorata," man.

Dorito, "Dorata."

-(chomps)

-No!
-Oh, shit!

-There's no way their shuttle
was clear when that blast
went off. I'm-- I'm sorry.

-What's that?
-Man: Zoom in, now!

-(punches)
-(shatters)

-No one has
ever called them "Doratas"!

And that was definitely a nuke!

-That's right.
I knew that all along.

-Oh, you did? Oh, well,
I guess it all worked out.
Thank you.

-Just kidding. See ya.

-(groaning)

-I want to thank
the fine folks at NASA

for entrusting
the League of Freedom

to get the job done.
-(cheering)

-We did it, baby!

-What the hell are you doing?
Get your damn hands off me!

-Wow. Saving the world
doesn't get you what it used to.

-Well, maybe she's just
a little tired,

not that I'd know
anything about that.

You sweet on her?
-I'm afraid I am.

-Well, then,
may the best man win.

-Uh, what?

-Penny for your thoughts, Rex?
-(sighs) It's nothing.

-Yeah. Well, fuck it, then.
I'm not gonna haggle.
-Wait.

I'm just...
thinking about Saturn.

For a moment there,
I thought he destroyed
the world,

and I'd let it happen.
-Because you didn't heed
his future self's warning?

-What warning?
-Oh, uh, nothing, Saturn.

-Rex, I'll explain it gently.

The future version of yourself
told Rex that you're an idiot,

will always be an idiot,
and your presence on the team
is a danger to everyone.

He recommended
that we kick you off the team
as soon as humanly possible.

-And you believed him?
-Saturn, I--

-Maybe I-- (retches)

Last one, I swear.
Maybe I don't wanna be
on your stupid team.

(sobbing)
-Saturn, stop.
That's not what I meant!

-Ain't that just
the way it works?

The things we keep inside
have a way of getting out.

-(Blazar screaming)
-Hey, there goes that
monkey thing.

I'd forgotten about that.

Anyway, I forgot
what I was going to say.

I forgot what I was
going to say.

-(theme music playing)

-(monkey chitters)
-Stupid monkey!

(laughs)