All language subtitles for SuperMansion.S02E05_English

-(sirens blaring)
-(gunfire)

-(electricity crackles)

-(metallic thud)

-Halt! You are in violation
of Gamora protocol 769,

existing without a license.

-Oh, I got
a license right here,

a license to tickle
your funny bone.

-Prop comedy detected.

Exterminate
with extreme prejudice.

-Groaner,
you reckless bastard.

-(beeps)
-League member detected.

Request backup.

-Groaner: Run!

-(beeps)

-Come on!
We don't have much time!

Our mysterious benefactor
came through.

We are sending you back.

-You're sure this thing is safe?

-God, no. It's a time machine
made out of old Roombas
and gym equipment.

It's-- It's a death trap, dude.
We've both got to get okay

with the fact that
you're probably about to die.

-Like 100% okay?

-(hums, crackles)
-Oh, oh, all right.
I guess we're doing this.

Okay. Shake me. I need
to be real jacked up for this.

-Ugh! Cleveland Creamer!
-It's all that's left.

-(crashing)
-Oh, I think I left
some 60 Lime in my room.

-Quit stalling.
Get in there!

-Okay. On the count of 10.

-Sure. 10, nine...
-(screams)

-(energy hums)
-What's happening?

Oh, oh, I'm getting leftovered?

Let me hide my Fleshlight!
(screams)

Ohh. Where am I?

-You're in the future,
and you're totally fucked.

-(theme music playing)

-(screeches)

-Cooch, your food orders
have gotten excessive.

Marjorie could have had
a rectal prolapse moving this.

-I've been watching
"Doomsday Preppers."

I gotta start buildin' my hoard.

This is bigger than Marjorie
blowing out her butthole.

-That was... insensitive.

-"Men Are From Mars,
Women Are From Venus"?

People stopped reading that
in the '90s after it decimated
the birth rate.

-Well, I've got a lot
of catching up to do.

There's a woman
who's caught my fancy,
an exotic woman.

-Oh, no. You're not still
hung up on Portia, are you?

She's got a boyfriend,
and I've instituted a rule
against inter-League dating.

-After you were caught
railing my wife?

-Will you get over that?

-I already bought you a very
expensive motorcycle, Courtney!

I'm not buying you a minibike!
-But all my friends have 'em!

-I told you to stay away
from that junior high.
It's weird.

-I told you.
They get me.

-You'd never find me hanging out
with little boys, Portia,

except for that time in WWII
when I had a sidekick...

who was a little boy.
Let's change the subject!

-(mutters)
It's like a train wreck.

-Portia, would you like
to date me instead of Courtney?

-What?
-Whoa, are you
coming at me, bro?

'Cause I'm feeling
very comed-at right now.

-This is exactly why
I have forbidden dating
on this team.

Now, Ranger,
just walk it off.

-Fine!
-And, Courtney, I couldn't
care less what you do,

and I resent
that you're my problem.
-Whatever.

-Ranger? I had no idea.
-Yeah. Sorry.

-(hums)

-Damn. I don't know what it is,

but something's
going on with Zenith.

-You can sense her
in the Gods' Realm?

-Only when it's something big.

-Zenith:
I will not abide
this absurdity!

-It is our way, Zenith.

Every millennia,
our kind must lay

with a mortal man.
Your time has come.

-We have built
this utopia by rejecting

the coarse male energy of below.
Now you expect me to--

-This is our curse to bear.

If you don't do this,
the fever will come.

You will become
an unstoppable creature

of pure rage and destroy
the mortal world.

-Can't I just use
the tremoring staff of pleasure?

-No. And you should
slow down with that thing.

It makes a lot of noise.
We can all hear it.

-Oh! I-- I didn't--

-Only the touch of a man
may quell the beast

and save the Earth,
a perfect male specimen.

-I won't do it!

-You will,
or you will face my wrath!

FYI, this is just
the tip of my wrath!

I have
much more wrath
than this!

Now, go. This must be done.

-It shall be.

-A word of advice
regarding butt stuff--

they all say
they're not into it.

They are. They are.

-This isn't going to make
a lot of sense to you,

but you're in a hellish future.
-What's wrong with your wig?

-It's my real hair,
and, yes, it's receding.

Thank you
for pointing that out.

-There's probably
still enough to comb it over.

-Do you wanna know what happened
to your world or not?
-(crashing)

-Shit! We have to go!

Too late.
-Robobot?

-You are in violation
of Gamora protocol 116.

Do not move.
-Quick! Kiss me.

-Whoa! What?
-Come here, you.

-(grunts)
-You are in violation
of proto-- protocol--

Oh, that's so touching.
Oh, to know love.

-Run!
-(Saturn spits)

-The death bots are vulnerable
to displays of emotion!

-Did you use your tongue?
-Keep moving!

Ooh! Oh, that felt good.
Ah, good to go running.

-Storm City in ruins?
What happened here?

-15 years ago,
a supervillain named Gamora

rose to power and turned
our world into this hellscape.

-Bullshit! The League of Freedom
would never let that happen!

-The League is gone, man!

And this-- this is
all their fault!
And you didn't--

-(glass shatters)
-Oh, shh, shh, shh.
Quiet, quiet.

This is Cooch's territory.
-Really?

-(grunts, groans)
-Cooch, it's me,
Black Saturn!

(yelps)
-Oi! it's him.

-This dumb shit has
the balls to show his face
on Cooch's turf?

-It's cool! I know Cooch.

-Yeah, and she knows you.
-(Saturn grunts)

-(yells)
My Lambo poster!

My blacklight!
My Fleshlight!

It worked. I'm back.

Hello, Rex. Now, I know
this is hard to believe,

mostly because of how well
I've aged, but I am from the--

Holy shit,
are those Slim Jims?

No. No, Saturn.
You have a mission.

You-- Oreo
motherfucking Cakesters!

-I can't believe
that guy, Portia!

(laughs)
I should have kicked
birdman's ass.

-Courtney, the man
would tear you apart.

He's cooling down,
chopping wood in the backyard,

and you're Snapchatting
with 13-year-olds.

-I told you-- they get me.

-(hums)
-Oh, no. We in trouble now. Oh!

-I must find a perfect
male specimen to mate with.

-Well, if you can keep a secret,
I guess I'm down to--

-Where is the American Ranger?

-The heart wants
what the heart wants, Rex.

-Look, Ranger, there are
plenty of fish in the sea.

-I don't have sex with fish,
Rex. I have sex with people.

Since I don't see
any gills on Portia,

I'd say she's fair game.

-Wait. What are
we talking about again?

-(Cooch screeching)
-(alarm blaring)

-Cooch!
-An intruder alert!

Time to move! (yelps)
-I have use for you.

-Okay. Hey!

-(growling)
-Cooch, where's the intruder?

-Intruder? The Saturn got
into my doomsday hoard.

-(crying)
I haven't seen
a Twinkie in 15 years!

-Yeah. That overweight man
in his 50s is clearly
not Black Saturn.

-You're right.
I'm not your Black Saturn.

I'm Black Saturn
from the future, and I'm here
to save the world.

-Okay, light him up.
-(screams)

(grunts)

-Don't make a move.
These guys are fucking maniacs.

-Hey, you don't have
to worry about us.

Cooch would have
our asses if we killed you.

-That's right.
I wanna do it myself.

-Cooch?
-Remember what I told you would
happen if I ever saw you again?

-Uh, not at the moment, no.

-Well, neither do I.

So I guess I'm gonna throw you
in with the pit monster.
-(crowd cheering)

-What? Why?
-For what you did to Rex.

-Wha-- What is
she talking about?

-C-Cooch,
you've got to believe me.

We're-- We're trying
to save the world here.

-This world?
There's no saving this world.

I was prepared for it.

At the time,
people laughed at me

when I started packing away
Gatorades and Slim Jims.

But once Gamora started
tearing through shit,

y'all stopped laughing,
started begging.

"Oh, please, Cooch.
Please just save me
half a Slim Jim."

I showed mercy. I fed my people.
I trained my warriors.

I have it all, Saturn,

except for you,
the man who killed
Titanium Rex!

-Killed Rex?
I-- I would nev--

(yelps, thuds)
-(crowd cheering)

-You know what?
I'm gonna go ahead
and skip the donkey kick.

Thanks. Wait.
(thuds)

Come on, boys.
I'm feeling good.

We're going leprechaun hunting.
-(cheering)

-(heavy footsteps approaching)
-(growling)

-(heavy footsteps approaching)
-(growling)

Rawr! Aarr! I got you!

Oh, this is gonna be awkward.

-Ro-Ro-- Robo-Dino,
what the hell are you
doing here, man?

-Look, you think
I'm jazzed about this?

You think little Robo-Dino
dreamed about being
a pit monster?

I'm down here 24 hours a day.
I'm talking to piles of bones.

How about throwing down
a fucking book next time?

Look, I know this sounds crazy,
but I have a chance
to change the past.

But if Black Saturn gets eaten,
the whole plan is fucked, man.

-Look, I've heard it all before,
and I take my job pretty
seriously, so no deal.

-So you're just gonna eat us.
Well, how does that work?

-Eh, I guess that's up to you.
I could either just start
eating you

or slowly beat you
to death with rocks.
Dealer's choice, really.

-Well, shit, dude.
I guess, start chomping.

-I killed Rex.
T-That's impossible.

-Hey. Hey. Snap out of it.

-I'm taking one
for the team, here.
You gotta get going.

There's not a lot
of skin on these bones,
so it's not gonna take long.

-(growls, grunts)

-Whoa!
-(slices)

-Robobot: Time to move.
-(grappling gun fires, clangs)

-Hey, I want out
of this shit bit, too!

-Groaner:
Holy shit!

-(clangs)
-Well, I've searched
the mansion.

There's no sign of Black Saturn.
-(sniffs)

-I'm telling you
he's right here.
-Cooch, this is not Saturn.

Look at how old he is.
-Shit, man, I'm a cat.

I can't tell how old
any of you are.

-We sure do learn a lot
about cats around here.

-Wh-- What's that?
-A truth serum.

-Ow!
-We need to know what
you've done with Black Saturn.

(beeps, hums)

I'm cross referencing
your DNA-- Oh dear.

-What is it?
-We've got a match.
Black Saturn.

-How is that possible?

-Nine months from now,
one of your members, Zenith,

gives birth to a baby, half-god.

The baby grows
to see humanity as weak,
ripe for the picking.

She joins
the Injustice Club first,

then uses them
to attack the League.
Rex is killed.

The world's
governments fall next,

then she betrays
the villains themselves.

Going by the name Gamora,
she rules with an iron fist.

-Rex, the serum has kicked in.
He's telling the truth.

We're faced with
the classic moral quandary.

Do we kill a baby in this time
to prevent future turmoil?

-I'll do it!
-Slow down!

Don't you think
there's a reason

he came back nine months
before the baby was born?

-Uh, ding-ding!
I was sent back
to stop Zenith from mating.

Zero baby-killing.
-One quandary down.

-If Zenith's the mother,
who's the father?

-So, we're not killing a baby?

-Look, Zenith,
I think you're great,
I really do,

but my heart
belongs to another--
your other half, Portia.

-This is bigger
than mortal love.

If you don't have sex with me,
your world will be destroyed.

-Well, I am sorry.
Call me old-fashioned,

but I don't run around
when I'm in courtship.

-Wait! I'm getting
a message from Portia.

-What? Really?
That's how your situation works?

-Sure. She says
she wants you to mate with me,

for she would like to see
how you measure up.

-Well, then tell her
to keep her peepers peeled,

because she's about to see
the banana slam of the century!

(laughs)

-This place creeps me out.

Reminds me of this total poser

who begged me
to join his superhero team.

-That's a great story.
You should tell it again
on opposite day,

because then it would be true.

-Ivan Whiff! I knew it!

-What, may I ask,
are you doing here?

-It's a bit complicated. We...
-Sent Black Saturn through time

to try and stop
Zenith and American Ranger
from procreating,

so they won't create Gamora,
who is destined to grow up
and take over the world?

-Then why'd
you fucking ask, then?

-Did you ever stop to wonder
who that mysterious benefactor
of yours might be,

the person who for months
has been paying for your food,

your clothes,
your Propecia?

-We don't need
an itemized receipt.
-But I was just the money.

The real brains
behind the operation is him.

-(screams)
-All right.
Everybody, just relax.

It's your friend, Robobot.
-Hello, Saturn.

-Robobot!
Oh, why didn't you
say something?

-It has not been easy
since Gamora used my schematics

to mass-produce
her killing machines.

I am the face of the holocaust.
I must remain hidden.

-Cooch said I killed Rex.
Is it true?

-Technically, no.
But if not for you,
Rex would still be alive.

-So, technically, yes.

-Rex had gathered
the League for one last stand
against Gamora's might.

Beaten half to death,
it was the greatest challenge

he had ever faced.
-(both shouting)

-Robobot: But somehow,
through pure force of will,

he turned it around.

-(grunting)

-Robobot:
He had but to deliver
the final blow,

but you tried
to finish her yourself.

You stepped in front of Rex,
then paused for one of your
shitty one-liners.

That gave Gamora
all the time she needed.

Rex pushed you out of the way.
-(groans)

-Robobot:
You walked away.
He didn't.

-The one-liner.
Did it land?

-Saturn, don't.
-Did it land?

-You said, and I quote,

"Gamora, I'm gonna listen
to Beyoncí on this one
and put a ring on it."

-That's not bad.
That's not bad.

-(groans)
-It wasn't dated back then.

-Yeah, nice try.
-D-Don't worry.

None of that will happen
if you keep Zenith from having
sex with Ranger in the past.

-We have to keep you alive.

If you die here,
there's no way you can go
back in time and save the world.

-It's a little complicated,
but, you know--

you know, it's not like
"Primer" complicated.

-Oh, "Primer"!
That movie will blow
your mind!

-Did you know
that was made for $8,000?

-No, I never heard that.

-The point, gentlemen,
is that when Gamora
does kill Saturn,

all of your hard work
will be for naught.

-What do you--
what do you mean "when"?

-Well, when Gamora gets
my signal and kills all
of you, of course.

-Oh, God damn it!

-Don't act so surprised.

I have the know-how
to engineer an army
of death bots for Gamora,

and she had the foresight
not to feed me

my own intestines
during the Great Purge.

-Where does you pretending
to be in a wheelchair fit
into all of this?

-I-- I don't know.
I-- I can't remember
what I was trying

to accomplish
with that. I think--
-(crashes)

-Oh, thank God.
That was getting awkward.

-Prepare to die.
-Whoa.

-Well, I suppose
we should get this over with.

It would not be heroic
to let the world be destroyed

over one disgusting
and pathetic sexual encounter.

-If you're trying
to seduce me, try harder.

-I grow warm.

(distorted)
The fever approaches.

Enter me,
but do not expect me
to move at all.

-Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't know
how it works in your world,

but this red-blooded
American male needs
to be wooed.

-Wooed? Oh, sweet mother,
I don't know if I can do this!

-Well, I'm not feeling
very wanted.

-(growls) Satisfy me,
you weak-willed coward!

-Whoo! What do you know?
That did it.

Train to Pound Town,
all aboard. Choo-choo!

-Ranger, stop.
-Rex, get out of here.

I can't do this
with an audience.
Oh! Or can I?

Human sexuality, huh?

But maybe lose
the fat guy dressed as Saturn.

Or don't. I've got
a real seam-ripper here.

-Stop talking
and start thrusting!

-Wait, wait, wait, wait.
If you consummate this,
you'll destroy our world.

-You've got it
all mixed up, Rex.

I'll destroy
the world if I don't.

-(roars)
-Or, more accurately, she will.

-Stay tight, fellas.
M-- Maybe we all start kissing.

Come here, you.
-Get-- (grunts)

-I'm afraid the death bots
are the least of your worries.

-Yeah, no shit.
-Gamora wanted
to finish you off herself.

-(screeches)

-(screaming) No!

-Black Saturn,
you're looking well.

-Ah, Gamora,
I-I think I broke my back.

-So you're the psycho
that killed Rex in front of me--

or will, if I'm understanding
how this all works.

-And you're the fool
who thinks he can stop me.

-I can't feel my legs.

It came true!
Where is that chair?

-(roars)
-Her hormones have spiked
to inhuman levels.

You're quite literally
battling a sex monster.

-Thanks for the fun fact,
Robobot. But how do I --

-(snarling)

-Out of my way!
If I don't do this,
it'll be armageddon!

-If you do,
you're killing us all!

-(growls, roars)

-Yah! (laughs)
-Get after him!

-(laughs)
Your feeble plans will
only lead to your death.

-Well, we-- we all knew this
could be a one-way trip, fellas.

-No. I did not.
-Run, Saturn.

We'll begrudgingly
sacrifice ourselves.

-I really wish I'd stayed
in that pit now.

-No.

-What?
-Rex died because of me.

-Refusing to run away, right.
-It's time to make this right...

-By getting the hell out of here
so our mission can succeed?

-...by facing Gamora on my own.

-God damn it!

-Hey, any interest
in seeing a movie with me?

Thinking of something
in the horror genre.
I've made my selection--

"The Ring"!
And if we have time,
"The Ring Two"!

-God-awful.
-Oh, it's embarrassing.

-(clangs)
-(screeches)

-(slowed)
Saturn!

-(slowed)
Shit, they're gonna bone!

-(Ranger, slowed)
I can't wait to be inside you.

-(shouts)
-(screams)

(gasps)

-(slowed) No!

-(clothing rips)

-Oh, yeah.
-Bullseye.

-What?
-Impossible!

No!

-He did it!
The crazy son
of a bitch did it!

-Oh, I guess that really was
a seam-ripper. (coughs)

-Nobody move,
look at, or say anything.

-My mind returns to me,

but my gates
were not infiltrated.

How can this be?
Unless-- Mother?

-Zenith will be angry
when she finds out

your stories
of the world's end
are false.

-I want a fucking grandchild.
What do you want me to say?

-How will we know if it worked?
-It worked. I can feel it.

I have one last thing
to tell you.

I'm sorry.
-For what?

-For getting you killed.
-What?

-I spent my youth
showboating and spouting
ridiculous one-liners.

If you were smart,
you'd kick me to the curb
before I had a chance to--

Wait! I just changed the future!

-What? Before you had
a chance to what?

-Never mind, Rex.
I kick ass.

Always have,
always will. Peace!
-Wait! Oh!

Before you have
a chance to what?

-Can't say it had anything
to do with you, per se,

but the job got done.
Put her there, champ.

-A wedding ring?
You're married? To who?

-Let's just say you know them...

(emphatically)
very well.

-(hesitantly) Okay.

Huh?

-Huh, long hug.

-Wait, b-before you go!

Don't tell anyone anything
about this future!

You risk changing
the timeline!

-Oh, I hope
that wasn't important.

-And you were dead.
And you were dead.

And you--
you were really mean to me.

-You probably deserved it, dude.

-Mmm. Maybe he did.

-This thing is ice-cold.

Zenith must be in big trouble
for disobeying her mother.

-You didn't learn anything
about my future, did you?

-Nope.
-Fantastic.

-Look on the bright side.
The future is wide open now.

Heck, who knows?
You could even become president.

-President? Hmm.

-I can't wait to see Rex.

-We did it.
The future is saved.

-Yeah, you know,
I'm still kind of worried
your younger self

is gonna do something stupid
and affect the timeline.

-Huh. It doesn't sound
like something I'd do.

-(lasers blast)

-Future Ranger:
You have broken curfew.

Your punishment is death!

So says President Ranger!

-What?

-(theme music playing)

-(monkey chitters)
-Stupid monkey!

(laughs)