All language subtitles for SuperMansion.S02E03_English

-General:
Well, Mrs. Goldstein,

I look forward to seeing
what a robot

that costs as much
as a stealth bomber can do.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah,
let's get this show
on the road.

-First, we'll demonstrate
threat evaluation.

-(whirring)

-Are you angry?
You look angry.

I hope I didn't offend you.

-What the shit?

-I-I-It's just getting
the lay of the land.

Uh, let's move on
to threat neutralization.

-(gunfire)
-You are angry.

I know what you need.

Now isn't that better?

-Yeah, we gonna go ahead
and shut this down.

No. Yep, yank the funding
like a rotten tooth.

That chatty robot
obliterated our budget, General.

We ain't gonna be able to afford
toilet paper come November.

Hope you like wipin' yo ass
with wishes.

-We have to scrape this shit
off our boots, soldier.

Who do we know
who's dumb enough
to dump this on?

-Now, if you could just sign.

(quickly)
Enjoy your Robobot, Mr. Rex.

-My what?

What the hell are you?

-That is an excellent question.

-Three billion dollars?
-Are you angry?

You seem angry.

So no one wanted me.

It's a great story, Rex, heh.

-The point is that Agony
is a sneaky bastard.

-Because he conned you
into accepting me?

-What? No. No. No. No. No.
He's the bad guy.

You were just
an expensive mistake.

-Wow. I-- I have
a lot to think about.

-Shit, man, that was cold.

-Yeah, yeah, enough
about him. Do me.
-Oh, dear God.

All right.
I call this one

"Titanium Rex And The Hero
Who Couldn't Take A Hint."

-(laughs) Sweet!

-(theme music playing)

-The classifieds sure
have changed since my day.

I don't know what
a "bi-curious BBW" is,

but if I had 1,000 of them,
I could make a fortune.

(sputters, spits) Green tea?

I don't want to alarm anyone,

but Marjorie's been killed
by a Chinese spy.

-No, no, Ranger, relax.

I'm treatin' you all
to breakfast to celebrate

my first day as a member
of the League of Freedom.

-Hey, where's my cat food?
-Portia: I threw it out.

You shouldn't be
eatin' that cheap stuff.

I mean, did you know
it's mostly cows' lips
and buttholes?

-Yeah, I did know.
But now, I feel like

I gotta say I didn't
or I'm gonna get judged.

-Why don't you have a seat
and try some Danish taquitos
with Moroccan baked eggs?

-Yeah, and probably
a butthole count of zero.

-Don't worry about them, Portia.
Not everyone grew up
like Richie Rich.

Gross, this salmon is raw.
-It's smoked.

-With what, ice?
-Jewbot: What's up?

You know, breakfast was just
a marketing scam designed
to sell more bacon.

-Jewbot?
-You okay, buddy?

-Is anyone? We're alone
in a meaningless universe.

Google
"the Fermi paradox" sometime.
-No! No!

I'm the brooding superhero
on the team.

Take that stuff off.
-Don't try to put me
in a box, Saturn.

I'm not gonna fit.

-Good morning, team.
And what is goin' on with you?

-Your story last night
really opened my eyes, man.

I'm just
a defective killing machine
that no one wanted.

-How long do you
see this lasting?

-Until the world goes cold

and the stars blink
into oblivion.

-Let's give it 12 hours.

Foie gras frittatas--
how much did this cost?

Wait. Wait. Stop.
Nobody eat anything.

-Oh, darn.

-All right.
What's going on, Portia?

-This is a presentation.

You brought me on
to rehab the League's image.

And my branding team
came up with something
you're just gonna love.

-If we're gonna love it,
why are you serving us
a $1,000 breakfast?

-Well, let's just say
I need you to keep an open mind.

Now, come on.
We're goin' on
a little field trip.

-Rex:
The League of Cheesedom?

-A themed pizza restaurant

to reintroduce your brand
as family-friendly
entertainment.

You wanna win their hearts, huh?

You do it through
their stomachs.

-Portia, what have you done?

-Oh, you have no idea.
Come inside.

-(games clicking, buzzing)

-Rex:
American Ranger's Skee-Ball?

Black Saturn's Ring Toss?

Cooch's Leprechaun Hunt?
-Kick-ass!

I mean, "Yuck."

-Portia, I appreciate
your trying to help,

but this seems a bit...

-Like, I don't know,
we're massive sellouts?

-Rex, if this takes off,

you're gonna be Mickey Mouse.

Is the Senate gonna cut
funding to Mickey Mouse?

-Huh, you trust this
branding team of yours?

-Actually, this venture is, uh,

t-the brain child of my, um,

Vice President
of Strategic Thinking.

-That sounds made-up. Oh, God.

Please, tell me
it's not Courtney.

-What's up, my ninjas?
Who's the pussy?

-This is your boy toy's idea?

-He wanted to help.

Sometimes, Courtney gets worried
he's stupid,

and I'm just with him
for his body.

-Both entirely accurate.

-Rex, let me ask you a question.

Do you know how popular
pizza is right now?

It's the main food.

-Ah, dear God.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
They've got Skee-Ball?
See ya!

-Don't-- Don't--
Don't get any in my eye.

Don't-- I can take all
of the balls at the same time.

-Bwah?

-Hey, what's the problem?
-I'm a symbol of freedom.

I can't have people
lining up to stuff
their balls in my mouth.

-God! My balls keep
bouncing off your chin.

-(leprechaun giggles)
You'll never get me
leprechaun gold.

-Say that again, motherfucker.

-(leprechauns giggling)

-Portia, I appreciate
all the hard work you've done,

but this doesn't seem
like the League.

-Rex, Mickey Mouse.

-Ah, I guess we could use
a little goodwill.

-Babe, babe, it's ready.

-Oh, you guys
are gonna love this.

-(scoffs)
Yeah, I doubt it.

-Oh! What fresh horrors
wait behind that curtain?

-Only the state-of-the-art
in superhero-themed
dinner entertainment.

-Hmm, who is hungry?

-Robots? And they're in a band?

That's cool.
-Take a seat
and clap your titanium hands

while you listen
to the League of Cheesedom band.

* Throw your Saturn a ring

-* And give your Cooch
a squeeze *

-Band:
* Then order up a pizza

-* With American cheese

-Band:
* Mushrooms,
garlic, pepperoni *

* Eat whatever you're feeling

* Sausage, onions, macaroni

* Cheese that stretches
to the ceiling *

-There's nothing cool
about this band.

-Cooch, how do I buy a pizza?

-I'm a cat, so I don't know.

-They take MasterCard and Visa.
-Ah!

-* Meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow *

-"Meow, meow, meow," Portia?

-Kids are dumb, Rex.

-* Meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow! *

-After all these years,
could it be true?

Could this be my family?
What the fuck is this thing?

-Who want-- wants pizza?

-Where's the Saturn Robot?
I like pizza.

-And kids dig clowns. Watch.

-It's me, The Groaner.

And I've stolen all the pizzas
in Storm City.

-Not if Black Saturn
and his novelty Saturn rings--

available in the gift shop
for $9.99--

have anything to say about it.

-(whimsical music playing)
-Ah!

-(grunting, laughing)

-I have a few notes.

-Our test opening starts
in one hour, and we have to hit
the ground running.

Toby Tucker is coming.

-Toby Tucker?
-He's an Internet star

and the biggest preteen
tastemaker in the country.

If he tweets, 'grams
or 'books a good review,
we're set.

-Pizza is-- (groans)

-I'm coming, friend.

Oh. Oh, my.

Robotheon?
-You find something interesting?

-Only... my brother.

-Uh, you know what
you're doin' back there?

-Yes, these are refurbished
military drones like me.

They must have come out
of the same factory I did.

And now,
they are in a pizza band.

-Did someone s-say, "P-Pizza"?

-The tech guy told me
what to do when this happens.

-(grunting)
-Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!

-What are doing,
you freaking fascist?

-The robots are the whole show.
If they're not working,
we're screwed.

-Jewbot, do you think
you can fix 'em?

-I'll try and maybe,
in the process, fix... myself.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's just make
the singing robots work
for now, huh, buddy?

-Stealing pizzas?

-We need to hate The Groaner.

-B-But the script clearly--
-You want your script?

Look into my eyes.
There's your script.

Oh, and, Kyle,
you feeling all right, buddy?

-Yeah.
-I thought you might
have an upset stomach,

because I just watched
you eat a giant pile
of shit out there.

-Dude, I don't need this.
I'm outta here.

-Oh, looks like
we got an opening.
Hmm, no time for an audition.

You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
-What? That you bullied
Kyle into quitting

so you could
steal his role?

-That's right.
I "Black Swanned" his ass.

Meet me
in the rehearsal room
in 10 minutes.

Come dressed to move.
I'm gonna make you sweat.

-(indistinct chatter)

-Oh! Toby Tucker is here!

Ranger, you greet
the kids at the door.

Rex, you're showin' Toby around.

-Me?
I don't get along with kids.

-You're dressed
like a damn action figure, Rex.

Get that ass moving.
-But I--

Toby, nice to meet you.

-Hey, guys. Toby Tucker here.

Checking out
an exclusive test opening

of The League of Cheesedom.

Who's this old guy?

-Oh, um, hi.
-Scary.

Catch y'all next Toby time.

Vines are six seconds.

Try not to talk
so long next time.

-(chuckles) You got it.

Let's go get you
a good seat for the show.

-Hello, son. What's your name?

-Hey, look. You can slide balls
into American Ranger's mouth.
-Awesome.

-Check out the free cup you get
with the frozen lemonade.

-What's this? Portia? Portia!

-Do we have a problem here?
-Yes, we do, indeed.

I did not sign off
on novelty frozen drinks

depicting the 70 years

of my life I spent
frozen in a time tunnel.

-Hey, watch your tone, bro.
(cracking, screams)

-And let's not even mention
the swarm of children
learning that my mouth

is a great place
to stuff their balls!
-(Courtney whimpering)

-You don't know me yet,
so I'm gonna give you
a chance here.

Let go of my man
and lower your voice.

-Or what?

-Who the hell
do you think you talking to?

I am a grown-ass woman,
and this is a business.

You ever run a business, son?
-Uh, uh, no.

-"No," what?
-Uh, no, ma'am.

-Then why don't you
do yourself a favor

and let Momma Jones drive

before she has to break
three inches of stiletto
off in yo' ass?

-Uh, y-yes, ma'am.

-Now, go hand out tokens
and smile, motherfucker.

-No woman has ever
talked to me like that before.

Dear God.
I think I liked it.

-(leprechauns giggling)

-Too slow, pussycat.

-Hey, why don't we
let the kids have a turn, Cooch?

-Kids? You don't want kids
getting close to these things.

-Hey, this looks fun.

-(dramatic music)

-No-oooo.

-What are you doing?
Get off of me.

-Run! I'll hold them off!
-(grunting)

-(grunting)

-That should do it.

-(electricity powering up)

I've switched your
empathy cores back on.

I've waited my whole life
to find someone who
relates to me.

-Pepperoni?

-Che-e-ese?

-(hesitantly)
Okay.

Does anyone have
anything else to say,

possibly non-pizza-related?

-I do not have legs.

-That's good. Go with that.

How does that make you feel?

-Like a pizza...
without cheese?

-Oh, you guys
are way into pizza.
I've got a lot of work to do.

Let's get started.

-And, uh, three,
uh, four, uh, five

and-- and?

Come on!
That's where you pull
my pants down.

-I just really wish
you were wearing underwear.

-Oh, you're too tense, Spencer.

-You've thrown a lot at me. Ow!

What was that for?
-For answering to "Spencer."

You are now The Groaner,
body and soul.

Now hit me.
-What?

-The choreography is too stiff.

It needs to be real!
-Honestly, I don't--
I don't think it needs to be.

-I want you to hit me
as hard as you ca--

Ow, motherfucker!
-Ow!

-Son of a bitch.

We go on in an hour.

Uh, hmm.
-(cellphone dialing)

-Hey, look, Toby.

It's American Ranger!

-Rex, Portia just yelled at me
like a drill sergeant,

and my little soldier
stood at attention

and stormed Boner Beach.
-"Boner Beach?"

Dude, can you say that again?
I didn't quite get it.

-Ah, no! Oh!

Haha, look at this! Fetch!
-What? Hey!

-What the hell's wrong with you?

This kid could make
or break this place,

which means he could
make or break the League.

-This place could burn
to the ground,

and I would dance
a jig and light a candle.

-Well, if Portia yelled at you,
I'm sure you deserved it.

-I did deserve it, Rex.

I think that's what
excited me... sexually.

-Then stay out of Portia's way.

-Uh, oh, right,
because if I get in her way,

I'd just be purchasing
a ticket down the Boner Express.

(chuckles)
-Ranger, don't do
anything stupid.

-Toby Tucker fell
in the ball pit!

He's drowning!
-Ah, Christ.

-(leprechauns laughing)
-Ah! Ugh. Uh, uh.

-Oh, wee lassie.
You couldna strike us down
fast enough.

We are immortal.

-G-Give me that gold,

you freakin' ginger dicks.

-Hey, well, that was hurtful.

-And here I was,
about to give ya all the gold.

-Really?
-No, you dumbass.

(chuckling)

-Frickin' 'chauns, man!

-Well, I hope
you're hungry, Toby,

because I hear
our pizza is out of this world.

(chuckling) He's not listening.

-Yo, your boy Toby here

with The League of Cheesedom
advance review.

And let me say,
"This pizza sucks."
-No, no, no, no.

Now-- Now, wait until
the entertainment starts.

We've got some
great stuff planned.

-So there is an entire world
beyond those walls

where they also serve pizza?
-So much more than pizza.

You know what?
Let's forget about the pizza.

-I'd still like to talk
about my legs.

-Damn it, Ranger.
I don't know the story
with your legs.

I wasn't there
when the decision was made.

-They will want us
to sing again soon.

-Do you want to sing?

-(whirring)

-Then let's decide
what we want to sing about.

-(beeping)

-I really appreciate
you coming down.

-What can I say?
Performing is in my blood.

What do we got?
-Here's the script!

I just rewrote it.
I-It kicks ass.

-Uh, can we run
the lines at least once
to get the cadence down?

-No time, no time! Action!
-Aah!

-(microphone feedback)

-"Hee, hee, hee.

"The children of Storm City
will never be safe

"while The Groaner
is on the prowl.

I have drugged their pizza."
Drugged their pizza?

"Who knows
what sort of perverted delights

I'll get up to once
all these kiddies go to sleep?"

Motherfucker,
I'm not reading this.

-You don't break on stage,
you amateur.

-Saturn, what the hell
is going on, goddammit?

-Ohh. "Rest assured,
it will be sick and twisted
like me,

"the sick pervert, Groaner.

Also, it would take a real
bad ass to bring me down."
Holy shit, this is terrible.

-Groaner, you sick fuck!

You mess with
the kids in my city,

you face the wrath
of Black Saturn.

Ugh!
-Jesus, dude!

-(audience booing)

-See? Isn't this... great?

-Live action segment
shows promise,

despite the overwrought
performance of the lead.

-Oh! Hello, Portia.

-I told you to hand out tokens.

-I stand before you,
disobeying a direct order.

Anything to say about that?

-Ranger?
-Not now.

-Then this, perhaps?

-Oh, I'm gonna tan your hide
and make it a saddle.

-Oh, I'm such a bad boy.

-(clears throat)
-What the fuck are you doing?

-Uh, hey-- h-hey,
are you kids ready
for some music?

-Then please welcome
The League of Cheesedom band!

-* The world is getting darker

* As I'm opening my eyes

-Jewbot? Well, what--
what is he doing up there?

-* Forced to play this guitar

* Like pizza dough
is forced to rise *

-* And I don't receive
a salary *

* Because my heart
is a metal battery *

-* Metal battery Oh!

-* For a guilt-free meal,
the Margherita pizza *

-God help us.

-* Is low-calorie

-* Calorie

-Band:
* Cut me all you want

-Oh, this place sucks.
-Band: * You won't hit bone

-* Won't hit bone
-Oh God.

-* ...and still feel so alone

-* So alone
-(crowd booing)

-Let's get out of here.

-Band:
*...start a revolution
on my own *

-* On my own

-Band:
* The pizza's made
on an authentic pizza stone *

-* Pizza stone

-(music ends)
-Boo!

-Okay, this one's on me.

-Courtney, what in the--
Fix those robots.

-I'm on it, babe.
Saturn, cover for me.

-Psst. Grab a kid
and start running.
-What?

-Just do it. They'll love it.
-I'm not kidnapping a child.

-Just do it!

-Uh, y-y-you're coming with me.

-Hey, you son of a--
-Ow! It's a role!

-Go back to the happy song.

-(Courtney grunting)

-Rex Robot:
Threat detected.

Reboot complete.

Assess battleground.

-Outdated firmware detected.

Upgrade all.

-(beeping)

-(screaming)

-(laughing)

-I knew it!
The 'chauns are in charge now!

Run!

-Enemies detected.

-Prepare for combat.

-"Prepare for combat"?

-Remember when I said,
"These came from the same
factory as me"?

Well, I think Courtney
might have just activated
their military protocols.

-Which I'm sure
has nothing to do
with you tinkering with them.

-Can we move on, please? God.

-Ah!

-Run!

-Initiate Extermination Mode.

-Well, I guess
I'm doing this now.

-They're going after the kids.
Protect the--

Ah!
-This isn't what I taught you.

-Your empathy center
is overdeveloped.

You are a defective unit.

-W-What?
-Join us or die.

-Nothing can stop me
from taking the balls!

-I've been waiting
all day for this,
you goddamn abomination!

-I can't get enough
balls in my mouth.

-We'll see about that.

-(electricity crackling)
-Balls!

-Hey, guys.
It's your boy, Toby.

This may be my last "Toby Time,"

so please don't forget
to like me on Facebook, and--

-(leprechaun laughing)

-Ah! Get it off me!
-Cooch: Goddamn 'chauns!

-Aiee! Ugh!

-Get behind me!

-(dramatic music playing)

-Oh!

-(shouts)

-Robot waiter:
Enemies detected.

-No one menaces a child
while Black Saturn--

(screams) Goddammit!

-Son of a bitch. Here we go.

-No mercy, you soulless beast!

-(cheering)

-Stand back, everyone.

Everyone out!
-Let's get out of here.

-Thank you, Titanium Rex.
-Oh, thank God.

-(whimpering)
-Foul creation!

-Your human emotions
make you weak.

You are not one of us.

-Perhaps I am defective,

perhaps I don't belong,
but you're stil fucking

with a $3 billion
war machine, bitch.

(grunting)
-Help me.

-It doesn't have to be this way.

You don't have to be filled
with rage and hatred.

I can teach you.
What do you say?

-Self-destruct
sequence activated.

(laughs)

-Guess that's a hard no, then.

Let's move! He's gonna blow!

-Where's Groaner?
-There's no time.

-Ha, ha, ha,

(distorted laughter)

-I guess that's what
insurance is for.

You did get insurance, right?

Right?
-Uh, well, I, uh--
C-Coming! Got to go, babe.

-(crying) Groaner!
Groaner, where are you?

-Didn't Groaner sneak out
with the kids?

-Yes, he did.
-Should we tell him?

-Not just yet.

-I thought I had found a family,

but they ended up
being bloodthirsty monsters.

-Ah, it's pretty much
every family.

Look, I don't care
how you came into my life.

-You were defrauded
into taking my delivery.

-Really regretting
telling you that story.

My point is,
whether you're flesh or bone

or nuts and bolts, you're part
of our family, Jewbot.

-Probably could have
saved us all a lot of trouble
by saying that earlier.

-Well, I'm sure the League
is happy you're here, too.
Right, guys?

They're not here, are they?
Goddammit.

-Hey, Rex,
can somebody take me home?

-The place burned down, kid.
Piss off.

Jewbot, seeing you interact
with your... well, brothers,

it occurred to me
that there's someone
you haven't met before.

-Hi.
-Martha Goldstein?

I-I've read
every article about you.

-Well, I'll just
leave you two alone.

-You designed me.
By-- by all rights,
you're my mother.

It's so wonderful to meet you.

-You look so different.

-I decided to convert
after I discovered
your Jewish heritage.

-That's quite flattering.
But, honey, I'm not Jewish.

My maiden name was Nelson.

My ex-husband's name
was Goldstein.

-You must think I'm a fool.

-No, not at all.

I'm honored that you
would convert to my faith,

but I'm not a religious woman.

I'm way more
into the modern science
of mental health.

-R-Rex, you still
close by, buddy?

-(theme music playing)

-(monkey chittering)
-Stupid monkey!