All language subtitles for SuperMansion.S02E02_English

-(disco music plays)

-Give it up, Spanglish.
You've got nowhere to go.

-Just like nuestra cumunidad
doesn't have anywhere to go

si todos nosotros no, at least
halfway aprender Espaçol.

-I can't fully understand
what you're saying!

-Claro que si.
That is the power
of Spanglish! Also this.

-This is gonna be fun.
-Rex! Stop!

-Portia Jones? When I called
for backup, I was not referring
to the League secretary.

Call Zenith.
That's what you're here for.

-But if you read my dossier,
I think you'd agree you're
walking into a trap.

-I skimmed it.
Bilingual guy, pistolero.

I think I got this one.

-(explosions)

-See you
en la maçana, butthole!

-I tried to warn you.
-Not now, Portia. Call Zenith!

-You've got to start
reading those dossiers.
I've got a Harvard degree.

-I don't need your resume.
I need Zenith!

-Stayed up all night
working on that thing.

Who calls forth the hand
of Zenith, the Earthmother?

-Me, goddamn it!

-Rex, you squeal
like a Hothsband Hog.

By the Jaundiced
Jowls of Bakarath!

-Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
I've got concrete dust
in my eyes.

-(laughs)
Indeed you did!

-(grunts)
Spanglish got away.

Portia's gonna have
something to say about that.

-The mortal I am foreswoothed
to always does, doesn't she?

If she could turn those etherous
words into gold, she'd be the
richest woman in the world.

-(laughing)

-(up-tempo music plays)

-It's time we talked about
the titanium elephant
in the room:

Titanium Rex!
-(audience booing)

-I know, I've talked
about him in the past.

How I felt unappreciated, huh?
Used. Uh-huh. Taken for granted.

-(loud booing)

-But I left the League
a long time ago to start
a little show.

-(audience applauding, cheering)

-And even though Rex
never did appear as a guest,

I'm not here to make
him look bad. Unh-unh.

He's doing that all on his own.
(laughs)

Come on y'all!
It's time to have...

-All:
"A Talk in the Clouds"!

-Portia: Sit back and relax
as we take a look back at some
of Rex's biggest blunders.

-(TV shuts off)
-Rex, you have to
get up sometime.

-Oh, what's the point?
The public hates me,

the Senate is
slashing our budget,

and now even
Portia Jones is moving
in for the kill.

-If only you had known
she would become an adored
multimedia powerhouse.

Perhaps you should've
never let her leave the team.

-"Never let her
leave the team."

Jewbot, you just
gave me a brilliant idea!

-I should hope so.
I wasn't very subtle.

-Gather the team.
We don't have a second to waste.

-And how are we
feeling about pants?

Cool to waste
a few seconds on pants?

-Yeah, probably should.

(theme music plays)

-Down with the League!
Rex unfit to lead!

-Looks like
everyone's still sore

we almost let Dr. Devizo
blow up the planet.

-I don't think they're leaving.

Some of those sons of bitches
are tailgating.

-That doesn't matter, Cooch.

Soon they're gonna
be cheering our names,
because I've got a plan.

-Portia Jones? Her talk show
comes on right between

"Dance Hoarders"
and "Keeping Up
with the Skarsgards"!

-More importantly,
Zenith used to be a member
of the League.

It wouldn't kill you guys
to brush up on your history.

-Sorry, Rex.
We're too busy making it.

this fucking thing
hut? Goddamn motherfucking fuck!

-Yeah, moving on.
If I can get Zenith

to rejoin the League,
the public will eat it up
with a spoon.

-It would be nice to have
another minority on the team.

A little diversity
never hurt anyone.

-Uh, I don't know about that,
but we are down a member.

-And all we got out of the
new candidates were a series
of hazing lawsuits.

Thank you so much, Black Saturn.
-We don't want no scrubs.

-How do we bag this prize, Rex?

-Portia's getting
an honorary degree

from Champston University
this weekend.

-Champston? My alma matter!
-Mine, too!

-Wha-- You earned
a degree from Champston?

-Bought more like it,
but it's hard to earn anything
when you party like I did.

Uh, yeah.
I was in a frat, big time.

-I think joining
a pack is for dogs
and insecure buttholes.

-Yeah, well, anyway.

-What do you say, team?
Ready to go back to school?

-(up-tempo music plays)
-(chattering)

-Ranger:
This doesn't look like
the university I know.

Where's the statue
of Lord Champston

serving as a beacon
of education and hope?

-It says here he was an early
pioneer of immigration reform.

He patrolled Ellis Island,
detouring immigrant ships
to a nearby leper colony.

According to legend, he died
hunting the mythical Hellcat,

most likely a hallucination
brought on by adult-onset
gonorrhea.

-They made
the Hellcat the mascot?

-Portia's ceremony starts in
an hour, so we should get going.

-Ooh! Rex, would love to,

but if my frat brothers
found out I didn't swing by
and say hello,

they'd just shit.

-May I accompany you?
I have always wanted to study

a pseudo-brotherhood
of highly hormonal males.

-Well, I guess if you
stay out of trouble, you--

Oh, they're not asking
for permission. Spectacular.

Hey, you know, maybe we're
taking this public backlash
thing too seriously.

-I mean, I don't see anyone--
-Man: Hey, fascists! You almost
killed the planet!

-Oh! Son of a bitch!
Kids, huh?

-I'm over 18.
That's an adult opinion.

-Put it up. Uh-huh.
Roof up, roof up. Roof up.
Here comes the big finish,

and a spliiiiiiit.

-(mild applause)
-Splits.

-What poppycockery is this?
Surely this isn't what passes
for cheer-craft these days.

-I am shocked you have
an opinion on cheer-craft.

-Well, I do, Rex!
As Champston's former varsity
cheer master, I do, indeed.

-Great job, Chester.

-And you'll speed
up those splits

for the upcoming pep rally?
-You have my word.

-Rah, rah, rah! Slikkity bah!
Ski-u-mah and a hoo-hoo-rah!

Goooo, Champston, go!

That, gentlemen,
is how cheers are led.

-Sir, these are
the mascot tryouts.

-M-Mascot?
Cheerleading's drunk uncle!

-Chester, I would like to say
that, like your father and your
grandfather before you,

you're going to make
one hell of a Hellcat.

I mean, seriously, the only
thing that could possibly
be better would be

an actual human-sized cat.

-(laughing)
-Like that?

-(purrs)
What's everyone looking at?

-Ma'am, make my entire life
in one instant and tell me
that you're here to try out.

-Oh, hell, no. I'm just here--
Whoa! Whoa!

-She's got dem moves.
-And dem splits.
Now, that's a real Hellcat.

-What'd you call me?
-Agile, magnificent, real.

Also, the new mascot
of Champston U.

-What?
-Sorry, Chester.

-She's a real cat, Chester.
-You heard what I just said
about that, Chester.

-You have no idea
what you've done.

-Your splits were
glacial, Chester.

-They were shit splits, Chester.

-Well, guess I'm doing this now.
You got benefits?

-We'll give you a T-shirt gun.
-I already got one.

-Then we'll give you
a reason to use it.
-Hmm.

-These guys are gonna freak
when they see an alum
coming through the door.

Whoo-hoo! It is good
to be back! Keg stand!

Oh, uh, ooh!
Ow! (coughs)
What the hell, guys?

In my day, Teddy Two Deuce
would've had your sack
for botching a stand like that!

-Why is Black Saturn
in our house?

-Does this answer your question?

(grunting)

That's right,
you son of a bitch.

Black Saturn is
a Delta G Theta,
class of '08.

-'08?! May they forever
live in shame!

Some dickhead from that class
got our charter pulled.

-Dude, that was me!

I snuck into the dean's office
and took a classic
dump on his desk.

-That would do it.
-Your whole class was
given Frat Rat status.

-What?

Oh! Noooooo!

-You're the reason the dean cut
the Ultimate Frisbee program.

-You got to go, dude.
We have to stay off
the dean's radar

if we're gonna raise the
Delta Gamma Theta flag
at the pep rally today.

-Oh, I want to help!
-No way! That's for brothers
and pledges only.

-What's your story?
-I'm here to study
homo-social bonding

in hopes that I might
find a brother someday.

But we've only made a mess.
Allow me to clean up.

-Whoa!

-We got ourselves a rainmaker.

-Ms. Jones, you're on in five.

-I hear that, honey.
Thank you.

-Oh, I'm sor--

Portia! Portia Jones.
What are you doing here?

-We both know why I'm here.
You, on the other hand...

-Okay, you got me.
I don't know if you heard,

but there's an opening
on the League.
-Ha!

-What?
-The public's calling
for your head,

and you think
I can call them off.
-You see?

That's why we need you.
You're smart.

You are so--
-Titanium Rex! Holy "F"!

You are my childhood hero, bro!

I used to tie a green blanket
around my neck and punch
my sister in the nose.

Blood, like, everywhere.

-Cool. And-- And you are?

-Portia's slam piece.
-Sweetie pie, why don't
you go get a--

-I was working
as a valet at P.F. Chang's--

sweet gig,
make your own hours--
And then this one clops in.

-Courtney.
-Babe, I'm talking.

I tried to give her her keys,
and she told me to
stay in the driver's seat

'cause I was taking her home.

In a way, you could say that
that valet ticket was actually
a winning lottery ticket.

(chuckles)
For her, for her.

-Courtney!
-Take a joke, babe.
Rex gets it.

-I get it.
-Hey, I'll catch you later.
I got to go make a squat brat.

-Oh, God.
-Excuse me, ma'am,
where's the shit closet?

-Courtney!
-(laughs) He's great.

-I work hard, Rex.
When I get home,
I just want to--

-Courtney. Yeah, I get it.
-Good.

Look, you had your chance to
be in the Portia Jones business.

The answer is no.
End of talk. Goodbye.

(hip hop music playing)

-Hey, there, Hellcat.
-Somebody say my name?

-High five!
-Make it two, my man.

-What would you do to the
Youngman U Flappy Bird
if he was here right now?

-Oh, I don't know.
Maybe something like...

"What you doing there, Flappy B?
You stumbled into Champston,
did you?

"Well, here's what
I have to say about that.

"Say my name, Flappy B!
Come on, Flappy B!"

-Dear God! Whatever happened
to good old "Raise that score,
raise that score,

"come on, team,
one point more"?

Does no one appreciate tradition
and good old American values?

-Trio:
Hello, gorgeous.

-And so I accept
this honorary degree

on behalf of all the great
voices waiting to be--
-Excuse me. Oh, sorry. Move--

-Someone want to tell me what
the hell's going on out there?

-Uh, just a quick
question, if I may.

-Titanium Rex, everyone.
My old boss.

-(booing)
-Yeah, thank you.

I just wanted to ask if you ever
had any regrets giving up
your life as a superhero?

-I think I've done
pretty well for myself.

-(audience laughs)
-But do you ever miss
making an actual difference?

-I had a colonoscopy
on national television.

Probably saved
a million lives right there.

That's heroism.

-Do you think Zenith
would agree with you?

-I wouldn't know.
-Well, why don't we ask?

What would be wrong with that,
letting Zenith out for a bit?

Wouldn't we all like that?
-(applause, cheers)

-Game on, motherfucker.

-(laughs)
Do it again.

-All right. J.J.'s right eye
sits 3.2 millimeters
below his left.

His nose sits off
axis by 32 degrees,

and his lips contain
many future cold sores.

-Come on! Don't hold back.
-Yeah, it's herpes.

-Burn.
-You're the best, Jewbot.

-Does-- does this mean
we are brothers?

-I would be honored
to call you my brother.

-Guys, I've been doing
a lot of thinking.
-Crying.

-Shut up, dude!

(sighs)
I've been doing a
lot of cry-thinking.

Let me pledge again!
It'll be like a do-over!
(crying)

-Okay, yeah. You want to pledge?
Yeah, let's see if you have
what it takes.

-Oh-- Oh God.
Thank you. I-I'll do anything.

-Jake, grab those two 40s
and some duct tape.

-Edward 40 Hands?
Ha! Nice try.

I was born with forties
taped to my hands.

-Okay. Grab two tubs of
thousand island dressing
from the kitchen.

-Edward Thousand
Island Dressing Hands? Wait.

-Get to it, scrub!
-No, no!

-While our pledge does that,
how about you try one of these
on for size?

-What?
-Keep drinking!

-Hey, babe, over here!

-We've got to eat fast.
The pep rally starts soon.

Mwah! Can you believe that Rex?

-Totally. He's right here.
-Uh, hi.

-This must be a degree
in proctology, because I'm
looking at a real asshole.

-Wow, that was harsh.
I guess I should go.

-What? No! Come on, babe.
I told Rex I'd buy him lunch.

Can I?
-Fine.

-Why, thank you, Courtney.
I'm so glad

I ran into you on the quad
completely by accident.

-Here's your pizza.
-Let's save ourselves
some time here.

I'm not joining your team.
-Portia, I promise you!

I-I-I won't make it
about Zenith, okay?

I'll listen to every word
you have to say.

-Really?
Let's put that to the test.

Come on my show,
do an interview,

shoot some tears.
I'll turn the public on a dime.
We both win, Rex.

-I'm not sitting down and
crying like those other losers.

"Oh, my daddy took away
my binky. Have you seen
my binky?"

That's the dumbest
idea I have ever heard!

-You just proved my point.

You didn't respect
my opinion then, and you
don't respect it now,

and I didn't see it coming,
but it hurts just as bad now
as it did then.

-(eating happily)

-I think you should
probably follow her.
-Really?

Shit.

-Welcome home, Ranger.

-Lord Champston.

-He represented everything
good about this university.

-Free exchange of ideas
and a healthy distrust
of immigrants.

And ever since that gonorrhea
dream, Vinnie the Hellcat,
took over as mascot,

our school has
gone downhill fast.

-Perhaps it's time for
Lord Champston to sail
once more.

-Chester:
Grandpa, it's Chester. Um...

I didn't get it.
-Grandpa: How was
your middle split?

-It-- it was fine.

-It was too slow, wasn't it?
You failed us, Chester.

You were destined to be
the Champston U Hellcat.

Your ancestors
were run aground
by Lord Champston's ship.

We made a deal with
the devil that day.
You have sealed your fate.

-(wind whistles sharply)
-Grandpa, you're scaring me.

-(on phone) Brutum Fulmen,
carthago delenda, ridendo mores.

-Stop it!
-(on phone)
Brutum Fulmen,

ridendo mores.
-No, no, no, no, no!

(howling)

-Whoo!

-Please welcome our
homecoming marshal,
Portia Jones!

-Thank you, Dean Wurthers.
I can't say this is the first
time I've been called a hellcat.

-(crowd laughs)
-But it pales in comparison

with being called
a Champston Hellcat! Hey-hey!

-(crowd cheers)

-When I say "T-shirt,"
you say "T-shirt."
T-shirt!

-T-shirt! T-shirt! T-shirt!
-Crowd: T-shirt! T-shirt!
T-shirt!

-T-shirt!
-Where is this going?

-Once we plant this flag
in your ham flower,

you strut around like a peacock.

-Do it! I'm ready!

-Jewbot, do the honors.
-What?

-Being part of a frat
means doing what's right
for the brotherhood.

-And does that usually
involve butt stuff?

-Eh, an awful lot
of the time, yeah.
-Ooh.

-Rex, what up, my playa?
-Just checking in on Portia.
I worry about her.

It-- It can't be good to
keep all that power

bottled up inside,
all that pent-up frustration.

-Don't worry, dude.
She works it out...
on my wang.

-Courtney, I swear to God,
shut the fuck up!

-(crowd booing)
-I'm kicking ass, dudes.

-Stand down, Cooch!
Hoopla, hoopla, who'd I hear?

The great Lord Champston,
this I swear! Rat-tat-tat,
rat-tat-tat, rat-tat-tat-tat!

I'll take the skin
off of any Hellcat!

-What are you doing, man?

-I owe it to the legacy
of the great Lord Champston

to take back the school
that bears his name.

-Oh, really?
-(crowd gasps)

-(roars)

-The Hellcat is real!
It wasn't just

a crotch rot-induced
hallucination.

-What did you do, Chester?

-You read from
the ancient text, Chester.

-In the name of Lord Champston,
prepare to be struck down,
foul beast!

Two, four, six, eight,
welcome to the United States!

What on God's earth
is that stench? Smells like
Cuban, Danes, and French!

-(roars)
Hit it!

-(funky music playing)

-We've got to go now!
They're stealing the spotlight!

-You did want to find
your brothers, right?

-Uh...

Uh...

(screams)
Oh! Oh!
(gasps)

-Wait, I can't do this.
-What?

-Yeah, what?
-You talk of brotherhood,

but all I've seen
is binge drinking

and an alarming
amount of ass play.

If this is brotherhood, well,
then, brother, count me out.

Come on, Saturn.
-You couldn't have figured
that out five seconds earlier?

I'm still in, right, guys?

-Whoo!

-Yeah. Smack it!
Yeah! Let me hear it!

(laughs, grunts)

-(crowd booing)
-Split.

-Your splits are still
way too slow, Chester.

-You're losing
the crowd, Chester.

-Man:
Where are
the fucking T-shirts?

-Crowd:
T-shirts, T-shirts!

-You're supposed
to be watching me!

-Aah!
-(meows)

-Shit, I'll never get
a T-shirt now.

-Portia, people are in danger!
Are you just gonna watch?

-I've got a job.
This is yours.

-(shouts)

-(laughs)

-Rex, no!
-Courtney!

-(roars)
-Why the fuck
did I run out here?

-Son of a bitch.
Here we go.

(laughs)

-(grunts, growls)
-(grunts)

-(yelps)

-Rex, you have not aged well.

-Yeah, well, regardless,
do you think you can
help us out?

-My staff of power
is yours, Rex.

-You hear that, League?
Regroup and attack!

-Just taking this back.
-(shouts)

Come on, dudes!
I got to get to my rings.

-Luckily you're not the
only one who can throw a disk.

Come on, boys. Looks like
Ultimate's coming back
after all.

-(grunting)

Yow!

-Oh man, I owe you one, Zenith.

I know we haven't met.
The name's Court-- Aah!

-Were you ordered
to speak, boy man?

-You really proved yourself
out there. Uh, listen, me and
the boys have talked and--

-Here come da soup!

-Oh, my God!
Your charter is revoked
permanently!

-Frat Rat for life,
you stupid son of a bitch!
-Oh, come on.

-It takes a big man to admit
that he's just had his ass
handed to him

six ways to Sunday by a kitten.

-Look at yourself.
You're a disgrace.
Go on, get!

-Aah! Okay!
-I don't need you anymore!
You go on!

Head down the road into
whatever sunset you believe in.
Get out of here!

-Hey, dude,
you need a home more than me.

You be the mascot.

-I got dem moves now.

-You really think you're
gonna be our mascot, Chester?

-The cops are on
their way, Chester.

-You're going away
for a long time, Chester.

-See ya!

-Rex, you look

as if a live snake sucked blood
from your face, hands, and neck.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's been a while.
But I would like

to bring you back permanently
as a member of the League.

-A noble dream,
but how do you so plan

to worm-tongue the mortal
to which I am thunder-bound?

-Actually, I think I might
know just the ticket.

So, now you see, Portia.

Everything we've ever done was
in the service of the public,

and I, uh...
(sniffles, sobs)

I'm okay, I'm okay.

-Y'all see what you
done to this man?

If I can forgive him,
we all can.
-(audience cheers)

-Which brings me
to my next segment.

Which of you mortals would like
to learn how to make a Bezorean
Blood Cake?

-With Portia's endorsement
pushing the League of Freedom's

Q rating back into the black,
only one question remains.

Does Zenith's return mean
a new member for the League?

-Well?
-I'm gonna be
honest with you, Rex.

After I let Zenith out,
I took Courtney home and had
the night of my life.

-She slammed me good.
-I'm back on the team!

-She means Zenith is
back on the team, right?

Because she is a
woman in a pantsuit.

-Oh, you don't get
Zenith without the Jones,

and let's just say I've got
some ideas for this team.

-(theme music playing)

-(monkey chattering)
-Stupid monkey!