All language subtitles for SuperMansion.S00E02_English

(suspenseful music playing)

(panting)

(whimpering)

(grunts, shrieks)

(screaming)

It's the homeless zombie
I hit with my car last summer,

whose hook hand was lodged
in my car door

after the neighborhood parents
cut his head off,

and who vowed to come back
every year to this campsite,

even though he drowned
as a teenager

while me and my boyfriend
were having sex,

but for some reason,
the camp is still
open for business,

even though he's an unkillable
bogeyman, and, also, he's
a werewolf, I bet...

-[Robobot]
...and I shouldn't have said his
name three times in the mirror

and played with that
Ouija board in the hot tub

that was built
on a Sasquatch burial ground...

-Robobot.
-...where a nun gave birth
to Satan's baby that--

-Robobot!
-What's the problem?

-This is the worst scary story
I've ever heard in my life!

-That's objectively impossible,
Ranger.

I synthesized my Halloween tale

from humanity's most horrifying
spine-tinglers.

I assure you,
you have almost certainly
soiled your pants.

-I assure you,
I... have not!

-Cooch, Saturn, you both look
chilled to the bone.

-What? Oh, sorry.
I was thinking
about leprechauns.

-I was listening to a podcast.

Your story was so bad,
it got me back on Maron.

-I suppose
I still have a lot to learn
about the human condition.

-I wouldn't worry
about it, Robobot.

In a world with supervillains,

interdimensional imps
and rock monsters
from the Earth's core,

Halloween is terrifying enough
on its own.

-Ranger, could you hold this?
-Stop it. It's getting sad.

-Nothing? Wow.

-God, I hate Halloween.

(suspenseful music playing)

(crow caws)

(suspenseful music continuing)

(ghosts shriek)

(bats chitter)

(growls)

(tentacles squelch)

(suspenseful music continuing)

(bat screeches, wings flutter)

-What the hell was that?

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Not so fast, Rex.

-I'm goin' out.
-Tonight? It's Halloween.

-And I'm a man
in a $10,000 costume.

I'm guaranteed to get laid.
Whoo!

-Saturn, I--
-Not so fast, my boyo.

-What are you doing, Cooch?

-Going trick-or-treating. Duh!

Why else do you think
I'd dress up as the most
terrifying creature on Earth?

-An Irishman?
-A leprechaun!

-Cooch, it's dangerous
out there tonight.

-I can't leave free candy
on the table.

I'm taking my chances.

Top o' the-- See ya!

-Ranger, I take it
you're smart enough
to stay inside tonight.

-Not when I'm being
aggressively wooed
by our neighbor

in the 18th century
Victorian house
I just noticed next door.

-Ranger, there is
no house next door.

-No, I saw it
from my bedroom window

through a thick,
almost supernatural fog.

Point is, I'm no Peeping Tom,
but there was a humdinger
of a lass in the window

giving me the old come-hither.

A little pale, flickered in
and out of the visual spectrum
but quite attractive.

-Ranger, just so you know,

it sounds an awful lot
like you're describing a ghost.

-Yes, Rex!
I'm going on a date
with a dead woman!

Sure! (chuckles)
Okay. Don't wait up.

(sighs)

-How can I call myself human

if I don't understand
their fears?

Computer, what do humans
currently find terrifying?

Oh, dear. Slimmerman.

An Internet meme
that turns children
into unthinking murderers.

That's a scary--
Oh, dear God. It really happens.

Wow, human children are stupid.

(computer beeps)

What's this?

"This file was downloaded
from the Internet. Are you sure
you want to open it?"

Yes, because I'm not a pussy.

-(computer buzzes)
-Oh, shit.

Oh shit! Oh shit!
Oh shit! Oh shit!

(voice distorting)
Slimmerman!

-Titanium Rex:
Robobot! Everything okay
down there, buddy?

-I'm fine, Rex.

Just fine.

-Hey, there, what's your name?

-Oh. Well, you know
Black Saturn can't tell you
his secret identity.

Uh, I'm way into character.

-Seriously, is that you, Pete?
Or some piece of shit
party crasher?

-Oh, yeah, it's me, Pete.

-Ha! I don't know a Pete!
Get the hell-- (grunts, groans)

-Wow, nice costume.

-Hey, yeah, no shit.
Now hit the road.

I wanna do a lap
before I choose
tonight's lucky lady.

-Okay. (sighs)

-You know, I've never dated
a bartender,

but-- but I'd be willing
to give it a... shot.

-(laughs) That's just the kind
of shitty joke the real Groaner
would say, too.

-I actually thought
it was funny, so why don't you
get the fuck out of here?

-Eh!
-Groaner!

-Oh, shit.
-What are you doin' here?

-I got a skeleton face.
Halloween's the one night
of the year

where I have a dick hair's width
of a chance of pulling
some trim.

Wait. Why do you
have a beer?

-Oh, it's for some dude.
Named Pete.

-Wait a minute. You're doing
the same thing I am.
That's pathetic!

-I'm pathetic?
I saw your game, dude.

I'm the only one going
tuna diving tonight.

See, that's what I call it--
-No, no. I get it,
and it's repugnant.

Look, what do you say
we just go our separate ways?

-Heh, I 'll see you
at the oyster bar.

-Oh, my God, have some decency!

(doorbell ringing)

-Trick or treat!
-Ah, a giant cat.

-I'm a leprechaun,
you dumbass!

-Regardless,
you're over five feet tall.
Hit the bricks.

-(stomps)
-Now you did hear me say
trick or treat, right?

I believe that is
a verbal contract,

and you owe me a piece,
or pieces, of candy.

That is unless you don't mind
being tricked.

(suspenseful music plays)

-Take it and go!
-Smart move. See ya!

All right, Westchester Street
has fallen.

I head over to Filbert Lane,
cut through the retirement home,

and then double back to clean
out the just-take-one bowls
the whales leave out.

Oh! Well, well, well.

How did I miss you?

Huh? It's not part
of the plan, but you gotta
risk it to get the biscuit.

(suspenseful music plays)

-You came.
-I couldn't resist.

Wow, it is weird,
I've never noticed
this place.

Anyway, I was wondering
if I could take you to dinner.

-Oh, uh, I'm forbidden
to step beyond the gate.

-Ah! You must still
live with your father.

Old-fashioned, and I approve,
and I love it.

-Well, will you join me inside?
-One joining you inside
coming up!

Oh, uh, these
are for you.

Ah! Oh! Butterfingers!

(chuckles) No worry.

(stammers) And again.

You know what? Why don't
I just set them over here?

Huh. Didn't hear the door.

These hinges must be
whisper quiet.

(creaking loudly)

-Hmm.
-(creaking continuing)

-Still going.

-(wolf howling)

-(glass shattering)
-What was that?

Robobot? Is that you?

-(demonic voice)
Robobot is gone.

There is only Slimmerman!

-Ugh, God damn,
I hate Halloween.

-I know my costume
looks expensive,

but that's only
because I'm rich. (laughs)

You should smile more.
Let's go to your place.

-Let go of me, you creep!
-(grunting)

-Wait, wait. What's the problem?
You're baiting
your hook for a bass,

and now you're gonna throw back
a ten-pounder?

-Oh, it was a last-minute
costume. I actually
find clowns repugnant.

See how my knees
have instinctively
locked together?

-Yeah, okay, I got it.
I'm leaving.

Man, I can't even
hit a single out there.

-Yeah. I haven't met one
that's even close to my type.

-Really? And what is your type?

-I like redheads,
super thin, pale skin,
strong bone structure.

Sense of humor a must. You?
-I'm into confidence, you know?

Even the false kind.
And I like a dark side.

Maybe they're into, ooh,
black leather.

I mean, I wouldn't even
need to know
what they look like

at that point.
-(both slurping)

-You know what?
There's a lot of chicks in here.

Maybe we shouldn't
be working solo.

-You're thinking
this is a wingman situation.

You got yourself a deal.
All aboard
the fish taco express!

-Oh, God. Dude, don't
make me regret this.

-Yes, Dork Mob?
I'm having a little trouble
with my robot.

-Your mother
sucks rocks in hell!

-No, you heard
that right. Rocks.

I'm from Subtopia,
so that's actually
very hurtful.

-Yeah, it sounds like
some kind of corruption
caused by a worm.

-Robobot is gone!
There is only Slimmerman!

-He's saying
his name is Slimmerman?

-Slimmerman?
I'm on my way.

Trick or treat!
What the hell are you?

-Haven't you ever
seen a dentist before?

-Heard of 'em.
They're like the tooth fairy,
except you pay them.

Como se dice, no thanks.

-What a delightful take
on my profession.

-Uh, what the hell
is this?

-It's a toothbrush.
See, this isn't just a costume,
I actually am a dentist.

-Well, I'm sorry.
I can't accept a toothbrush
as a treat.

And unless you rectify
the situation, I'll have
no choice but to trick you.

-What?
-Trick or treat.
Think about it.

Do you want this?
-I think it's time
you moved along.

-Once I call trick,
I go all the way.

-That's great.
Have a good night.

-Game on.
Everyone give this house
a wide berth!

The trickening has begun!

-So, Millicent, how is it
that an attractive young gal
like yourself isn't spoken for?

-I only see suitors once a year.
-I guess I should be flattered.

-(children laughing, running)
-Um... do you have
younger siblings?

-None living.
-(children laughing)

-What do you suppose
that is?
-My younger siblings.

-(laughing nervously)
-I know it's a strange place.
You should leave.

-No, no no, no! I-- I'm sorry,
it's just, I get nervous
around beautiful women.

There, that worked.
And my plate is covered
with dead spiders.

No. Oh, no, they're alive.

You know what?
Let's skip dessert.

-Oh, so you're twins.
That's interesting.

Not quite as interesting
as what we do.

-I founded a startup,
it's in the tech sector.

-Charity field.
-App thing.

-Fresh water to Africa.
-Stock options.

-Just two genius playboys
helping the world.

-So you developed
your own tech?

-I did the work.
He mostly slept on the couch.

-Fun little detail.
-We didn't know the full extent

of his drinking problem
back then.
-Where are you going with this?

-I organized an intervention.
Probably saved his life.

I just wish I could've
saved that kid he hit
with his minivan.

-I drive a minivan now?
-Uh... we've gotta go.

-You, my friend,
are the shittiest wingman ever.

-What? You were the wingman!
-Oh, and you just made
that assumption.

-Uh, yeah!
-You know what?
I'm out of here.

-(stammers) Fine!
But I'm... taking away
your stock options!

-Hey. Rough night?
-(laughs) I thought I told you
I was taking a lap.

-You've been here two hours.
How long is this lap?

-Twenty-six miles!
It's a marathon, baby! Whoo!

-Hey, it's the funny man!

-You know, I-- I--
I was thinkin', and, uh,
your joke wasn't that bad.

Oh, so you just got it?
You know,
it happens all the time.

Some of my jokes are designed
to kill on the drive home.

-Oh, so like a roadkill?

-Not bad. Let's leave the jokes
to the professionals,
but not bad.

-(laughs)
-(groans)

(suspenseful music plays)

-Where is he?
-Uh, uh, upstairs,
I tied him to the bed.

-I'm not gonna lie to you.
Your friend is probably
already gone.

But if you follow my directions
to the letter, we have a chance
of bringing him back.

-Sure, whatever.
-I hope you're taking
this seriously.

Digital possession
costs this country billions
every year.

-Yeah, and gives you a job.
-You think I don't hate myself
for that? Do you?

-Yeah. Let's get to work.

-May Gates protect us.

-Hello?
Please, please let me go.

He beats me.
-Oh, come on.

-It's very common
for the corrupted drive
to try and manipulate you.

I need you to stay strong.

-I don't want
to hurt anyone.

-Well, he seems fine now.
Could the virus have left
on its own?

-It's just oil.

-Does that make it better?
-It does not.

-(spray can hissing)
-What? What the--?

-Pretty kickass trick, huh?

-Trick? This paint job
costs $10,000!

That makes this a felony!

-Good God!
-What?

-Your teeth!
They're melting away
like Tic Tacs!

How much candy do you eat?

You know what?
Why don't you come inside?
I've got a chair

in the basement
I keep for personal projects.

-Or...
-(smacks)

-Aah!
-Trick!

-That's assault.
That's another felony.

-Not tonight.
Read the contract.

-And by contract,
you're referring
to when you scream

trick or treat at me?

-That's right.
-Well, I have
another contract...

with teeth.
And that contract says
I don't hand out

pre-packaged tooth rot
to neighborhood children.

I'd rather kill all their
little faces-- I mean,
I would rather die myself

than see one more cavity
in a child's mouth.

-Hmm, there's somethin'
not right about that guy.

Oh, well. A few more tricks
should sort it all out. Candy.

-(eerie music playing)
-Would you like me

to take a look at your
gramophone? It sounds

a little, well, terrifying.
-Well, I like it.

It was the song that was playing
when I was mur-- never mind.

-Millicent, pardon me
for being forward,
but I'm a man

who would eat rancid beef
for love. I proved that tonight.

I'd just like to know
where is this going?

-This is where you leave,
like all the rest.

-No, that-- that's not
what I said. How could anyone
leave someone as stunning

as you?
-Anyone who spends a night
in my bed will remain here

for all of eternity,
a tormented phantom.

-Well, I've never heard
marriage described in
such flowerly language,

but as someone
who's stared down the barrel
of holy matrimony before,

I'm not scared.
-Shall we retire
to the bedroom?

-Absolutely.
Any chance I can
turn that music off?

Gonna be a challenge
raising the flag to what
sounds like children

burning in a barn fire.
-Yeah, whatever you need.

-Thank God.

-So I said, "Why walk
when you can pun?"

-(both laughing)
-You see? You see?

-Oh, the alcohol
is really helpin' your jokes.

-I told you it would.
-I can't believe I'm
about to bang a guy

dressed up like the Groaner.
Oops, I said it.

-Oh, actually, I'm not--
I'm not surprised.
I-- I could tell you were...

horny. (laughs)

-So... just got done
with that lap.

-Oh, yeah? Really?
How'd it go?

-Okay, you're gonna
make me say it.

You're the most
interesting woman
at the party.

-Just... please,
just stop talking.

You're the only guy left,
and I'm not gonna be
the one woman in the city

who dressed up
like a sexy cat
and didn't get laid.

(sighs)
I can't believe I'm doing this.

Meet me in the closet in five.
-Ha! The way you said that,

it almost sounded like
you were the one slumming!
See ya in five!

- Indominus C-colon,
double-backslash,

drive C runneth,
boot test activos.

-What are you doing,
you little shit?
Get out of my mind!

-Drive C runneth,
boot test activos.

Boot test activos!
Rex, what is going on?

-What do you have to press
to get that backslash thingy?

-Give me that!
-That looks a lot faster.

-Yes. Reading you
the instructions was
an error in judgment.

-(growls) No! No! No!

-(shivering) So cold.

Dear God,
he's in the Nest thermostat!

-Well, don't look at me,
I didn't install a thermostat.

-No! You're over 50,
you've never even
heard of it!

Slimmerman is in the network.

The Philips Hue lights!

-What are you talking about?

-Now stand back and watch
how a real trickster does it.

-This is gonna get devious.
(grunts)

(glass shatters)

-You almost hit my fish tank!
Why would you do that?

-You wanna call this off,
it's easy. One snack size
candy bar or equivalent,

i.e., three to five minis,
and for this night only,

I am offering a three-year
trick protection plan
for one king-size Snickers.

-You're insane.
I'm calling the police!

-Go ahead.
Who you think they're going
to side with?

-Look, just take these and go.

(laughs)

-Read 'em and weep.
-What are those?

They look like those tablets
that dye your teeth

where you didn't brush.
-What?

Motherfucker just purchased
the deluxe trick package!

-You, uh, you need
some help with that?
-Patience.

-It's like a hundred freaking
knots. Uh, Millicent, as long
as you're taking things off,

do you think you could
lose the choker?

My grandmother had one,
and I'm having trouble
shaking the image.

-Uh, uh, I don't know.
You might not like
what you see.

-Millicent, from the moment
I saw you in that dense,
supernatural fog,

you've had my heart.
All I ask is for your trust.

-Oh my G-- (gags)

-You think I'm hideous,
don't you?

-No! No, no, y-- you're--
you're as beautiful as ever.

Your neck wound is hideous,
yes, but if you assure me
we can consummate

without doing
any further damage, I'm in.

-Oh, Ranger.
-Oh, Millicent.

-(screaming)

-Oh, I-- I passed
right through you.

You're a ghost!
-I'm a ghost?

Pretty goddamn sure
you're the ghost!

-How dare you come-- Whoops!

Oh, it's okay.
Well, you got me. (laughs)

-Millicent, wonderful
to meet you, think
I should be going, goodbye.

-But you promised
that you'd spend the night
in my bed

(demonic voice) and I would have
you for all eternity.

-(doors slamming)
-(screaming)

-Out, demon virus!
The line command of DOS
compels you!

Backup restoros!
Out, demon virus! Out!
-(screaming)

-Is it working?
-I just have to hit enter
to drive the demon out!

-Out! (grunting)

Why don't you come in?
Oh, yeah, sync me!

-No! My music library
is on that thing!

-I didn't even know
Hoobastank had a second album!

-My tastes are eclectic!

-Your mother tells her friends
you work in real estate!

-(screaming) No!

-Probably shouldn't let minors
into the mansion.

-Please! Don't do this!
I-- I-- I don't wanna
call the police!

-What's this?

I thought you said
you didn't keep candy
in the house!

You're sittin'
on a candy hoard!

-No, no! Don't go down there!
-Hey, son of a bitch,
get off of me!

I didn't do that.
You tricked yourself, dude.

-Please, please, stay away!

-Come now.
I just want a little kiss.

-I-- I felt that.

-The curse is working.
(snickers) You're becoming
like me!

You will be trapped! Forever!
-I don't want this!

-What are you going to do?
Hit a woman?

-Sacrificing a lifetime
of American values and beliefs,

or an eternity
as a lifeless ghoul.

Not a hard choice at all!
(grunting)

-(chomps)
-(screaming)

Ow! No! Aah!

-(hisses)

-It's all over, Rex!

-Give me back my friend!

-Your friend is gone!
There is only Slimmerman!

-Are you ready to die, old man?
-Aah!

-I'm gonna have fun killing you!

-Oh, I like your eyes, Rex.
Maybe I'll take them first.

-Stay away from me! No!

-(laughs evilly)
-Whoa!

-How was that?
-What?

-Did I scare you?
-What about
the Slimmerman virus?

-Oh, my system purged that
in about 30 seconds.

Although it did end up
giving me a bone-chilling idea.

Your bones are chilled,
aren't they, Rex?

-Motherfucking Halloween!

-Well, that was fun.
Ee, should probably
go check on Clyde.

-Hey, Nicole,
let's get out of here.
-No luck?

-I met this total tool
and I told him to meet me
in the closet,

but I need to get out of here
before he realizes I'm not
going in there.

-Wait! I told that skeleton guy
to meet me in the closet!

(pop music playing)

-Little rendezvous.

-Oh my God.

-They're gonna flip out!

*

-Should we do something?
-Yeah. Let's get the fuck
out of here.

-Okay, we had a report
of a deranged Irishman
menacing a dentist.

Nothing worth coming out for,
but then you lit his house
on fire.

-Tricked... his house on fire.

-Bill! You gotta see this!
These are those missing kids!

This sick fuck was keepin' em
down in the basement!

-They never learned
how to brush properly!
Their little teeth

were plaque-ridden.
Somebody had to do something!

-Take him away, boys!

-How did you know?
-The sick son of a bitch
was handin' out toothbrushes!

On Halloween!
-She's right! We all failed.

Thank you, Cooch.
-Well, back to the grind.
Anyone seen my candy bag?

-I'm afraid we have
to hold that as evidence.

-What? Don't put me
in a position where
I have to get nasty!

-Dave, call for backup!
-(yowls)

-Whoo!
-Oh, hey!

Did you see a girl
dressed like a cat around here?

-Uh, n-- no, actually,
I-- I'm looking for a Viking.

-Well, let's just say
I did quite all right
for myself.

Yeah. We made out.
Hard. And by that I mean,

she was a little toothy.

-Well, I swung past second
myself. In the dark,
the breasts weren't quite

as supple as they appeared,
but probably

would've rounded home
if not for all the crying.

-Your girl's
a cry kisser, too?
I thought I was the only one!

-Well, I'll bet your girl
didn't have an assortment
of sexy rings.

(rock music playing)

-Oh... shit.
-Shut up! I don't wanna
talk about it!

Good night! (crying)

-Ah! Ranger, you're back.
How was your date?

-I don't want to alarm you,
Rex, but I think I was seduced
by a ghost!

-Yes! That's exactly
what I told you
when you left!

-Okay, right! Sure you did!
(laughs) I'd love to know

what goes on in that head
of yours, Rex. (laughs)

-Cooch! Are you okay?

-No! While I was saving
the neighborhood
from an evil dentist,

some kids dressed as cops
stole my candy!

-What? Are you shot?

-Yeah, man. I guess
they're lettin' 'em
put real bullets

in toy guns now.
Well, off to bed.

-Huh. That's, just-- Wow.

-Saturn.
-Shut up! I don't wanna
talk about it, good night!

(crying)
-Okay. You know,

we all had our shares
of scares tonight.

But Halloween isn't all
fun and games.

If you take one message
home tonight, remember--

-Hoobastank's second album
isn't half bad.

-Sure, let's go out
on that, what the fuck
do I care?

-(suspenseful music playing)

-(monkey chitters)
-Stupid monkey.