Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Once upon a time, on a beautiful country day,

the birds weren't singing, the fish weren't jumping,

and there was not a hopping rabbit to be found,

for everyone was gathered to celebrate two very special people

at what can only be described as a storybook wedding.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

Well, that was dumb.

Hello.

Hi.

Hello.

Welcome, friends.

We are gathered here today to join Bea and Thomas in holy matrimony.

You're taking this so well.

He's a good man. Makes her happy.

And also a special day for their family, the beloved rabbits.

Your former enemy is here to stay.

We found common ground.

He's about to be our guardian.

Nah, this is just a little something between them.

The old you would have gone bonkers-berserk by now.

- I've changed, cousin. - ...welcoming a new parent.

A loaded hand grenade, just waiting to explode.

- Not anymore. - A father, if you will.

Father?

Father.

You're not my father!

You'll never be my father!

And everyone can see your underpants!

Peter. Peter.

Peter.

- Peter, the ring. - Wha...?

Right, right.

Where'd I put...? Did I...?

Was it...? No, was it...?

Hang on. I had it in the...

It's always in the last place you look.

You only have two pockets.

You may now kiss the groom.

What?

Bye!

Bye!

- Bye. - We'll miss you.

So Bea and Mr. McGregor were married,

and off they went on their honeymoon.

Things couldn't have been more peaceful in Windermere

until, sometime later...

You just take this out.

You see?

Now you try.

Dad, it's Peter Rabbit from the book.

I hate that I'm the face of this.

But every story can only have one good guy, so...

Peter doesn't have a dad.

He got put in a pie. That's why he's so naughty.

What?

There's Flopsy, Mopsy and Cotton-Tail.

- I'm Flopsy. - And I'm Mopsy.

And I'm the hero. But I'm not naughty.

- Did this kid even read the book? - Did you read the book?

I am so busy.

I'm saving it for summer.

Are you the author?

I'm still getting used to people calling me that.

It's really the rabbits' story. I just wrote it down.

This is my husband. He's our publisher.

I wouldn't say "publisher."

I just...

I just do the typesetting,

turned our dining room into a printing workshop,

created the artisanal lithography with a five-colour palette for the illustrations,

apart from the ones of the garden,

- which call for more green. I like... - Don't reveal all your secrets, darling.

It's wonderful. You paint the rabbits with such love.

Well, it comes naturally. It's our family.

Thanks for your contribution. It goes directly to preserving their land.

Thank you.

- Bye. - Bye.

Afternoon! Congratulations, you two.

- Thanks, Moira. - Oh, the mail.

Choose to see who gets it.

Chest. Toe. Chest.

Ears. Tail.

Yes!

How does he always win?

Because he invented the game.

- Peter? Is that you? - Johnny?

What are you doing out of London?

We're just up here doing some cheese tasting.

- Heard about the wedding. Any babies yet? - It's only been a month.

The wife and I have had 15 kids in that time.

This is the first day away from them, and, oh, the peace and quiet.

I'd be lying to you if I said we didn't miss them terribly

and they're all we talk about.

Aw, cute.

But there's no babies. We're their family.

Until you're not.

Congratulations on the book, by the way.

My kids absolutely loved it.

Oh, it's not about me.

It's just great that kids get to read about positive role models like me.

Peter!

Oh, dear. My cheese.

Well, good luck.

I'm sure it was just an accident.

It's not an accident.

It's what he does.

He never behaves.

He loves you. Don't listen to him.

He doesn't listen to me. That's the problem.

Not in front of him, okay?

He can't understand me. Can he?

No, but still, just...

So, if he can't understand me,

then why can't I say whatever it is that I want to say?

Say something nice. Apologise. Say something nice to him. Now! Go! Say it!

- I'm terribly sorry. - Out loud!

I'm sorry, Peter. I love you, in the way that an adult human loves a...

- An animal rabbit. - Thank you.

You handled that very well, Peter.

Contrite, apologetic and even a little bit remorseful.

I'm sorry. What?

I put these in for when I'm feeling misunderstood.

Oh, come on, Peter. Sometimes you have to face the music.

And these are for when I'm feeling ganged up on.

You always take things one step too far.

I'm sorry. What?

What's this?

Basil-Jones Publishing.

We carried a whole section of their books at Harrods.

It was the last display I arranged before I resigned.

You mean, fired and physically removed from the store.

"Potayto," "potahto."

It's from Nigel Basil-Jones himself.

He wants to publish my book.

No.

Get it in every bookstore, promote it, put it in different languages.

That's incredible.

Bea, you've done it. This is it. It's happening!

Promise me something. When this book is a huge success, you'll keep me humble.

The book is about all of us.

Thank you. You're already doing it.

Dink!

Why do you always copy everything I do?

Fine. I'll do something different.

Sorry.

- Anyone hungry? - Yeah, starving.

Leave it with me.

Okay, take one bite and pass it around.

I'm just going to wait until we get home, where the food isn't decomposing.

- Yeah. - Yeah, me too.

Well, la-di-da.

I didn't realise I was with a bunch of sophisticates.

- Let's go get some dinner. - Yeah!

And there they go.

Right through the opening where there once was a gate.

Good for them.

Do they do any of the planting and weeding and watering?

- No, they don't. But they were here first. - Exactly.

And you still have your tomatoes.

My tomatoes.

I would never have thought a city man would like to garden that much.

I even heard he wants to try and sell them at market.

It's too moist. I'll get the hair dryer.

It's about time he had a hobby.

I hope he's as successful at his as I am at mine.

And what is that?

Passing judgement.

What is going on with her hair?

Wait! You don't have to try to eat me anymore.

Remember? You're welcome to all of this.

Right, right, right. Still getting used to that.

I have so much energy.

I think it's this new plant-based diet and that I don't have to chase you anymore.

I'm just like...

Have you tried jogging?

What's jogging?

It's running without a terrified animal in front of you.

- Think that'll work? - I'm desperately hoping so.

There you go, sweeties.

Hey.

I can't believe this might turn into something.

I'll get it!

It might be the publisher!

Peter, you know not to touch this stuff.

Honestly, my kids will be so much better behaved.

Hello?

Miss you, Dad.

No one gets me the way you did.

Bea, Bea, it is. It's the publisher.

Hello.

Yes, this is she.

No! Tommy!

Those are Mr. McGregor's.

But you used to steal from him all the time.

We share the garden now.

Oh, because he married the lady, you do what he says now?

No, not because of that.

Well, kind of because of that. It's...

Look, just don't touch the tomatoes, badger.

Oh, okay.

And?

I swear, if it wasn't for me...

Thank you. Oh, you're very... You're very kind.

The 11:15 train to Gloucester?

Yeah, we should be able to make that.

I knew it! I saw you!

Get out! Get out of my garden!

Oh, the rabbits would love to come. It'd be such a fun adventure.

I knew you wouldn't change.

- You're the same naughty rabbit... - Thanks. Bye.

...you've always been!

Just leave my tomatoes alone! You have everything else!

See? I've told him a million times.

- He doesn't listen to me. - Go easy on him.

He's getting used to the idea that you're here to stay.

Yeah. You can use your front legs too.

Oh, right, right, right.

- Is this all for us? - That's what the ticket said.

Only the best for the next big thing.

What do we have here?

"Enjoy the journey. It's just the beginning."

A bit presumptuous, isn't it?

"Forgive me for being presumptuous."

He's good.

As someone who's been on a train before, a few pointers.

Don't stare at the scenery rushing by.

Look at a fixed point on the horizon and just lock your eyes onto that.

You okay?

When you're on a train, the best thing is to look

at a fixed point on the horizon.

Oh, no.

Magic, magic, magic.

Magic!

Oh, no. Cotton-Tail just discovered sugar.

Hey, we had a good run.

"Lavatory."

I'm gonna live forever!

Told you!

Thank you.

Do you know what happens after you eat too much sugar?

That.

Come on, sweeties.

Please come in.

There they are.

- Hello. - Bea.

You're even lovelier than I imagined.

- Thomas. - Hello.

- Handsome devil. - Well...

I'm sure I'm one of many beating down your door,

- begging to publish your next book. - Yes, well, so many.

In fact, we don't have a door anymore. It's been beaten right off its hinges.

And the stars themselves, with Peter, the ringleader.

Always out front.

Sweet.

I'm not your leader. I'm not always out front.

Look, you come here. Benjamin, swing out a little.

Mops, back it up to your right. Flopsy, you come this way.

Benjamin, Mops, split the difference. There you go. You'll slot here.

I'll go here, and...

If you'll allow me to gush, the book is absolutely exquisite.

A triumph.

I'll allow you.

"What greater gift than the love of a rabbit."

- Charles Dickens. - Yes.

Well, he said "a cat." You obviously knew that.

Of course. I love Dickens.

- Know every word he's written. - You do?

- No, you don't. - I do.

I don't think so.

Strong.

- Yeah. - You box?

Yeah, no, I... Yeah, I do. I do box.

- You do? - Yep.

- No, you don't. - Yes, I do.

- When? - I flop the heavy ropes.

I move the heavy metal bars. I've got those big balls of sand.

I do push-ups outside in the thing with my shirt off.

And I also like protein ointments.

- Well, we should get in the ring sometime. - Yeah. That's not a problem.

- Now, I'd like to walk you... - Sorry.

...through our strategy.

Carlos, some water for our rabbits.

Bea, sit right here.

Sparkling and still.

- Thomas, right here. - Fancy.

It's like drinking sand.

I like it. It's delicious.

- You're just saying that to be different. - Am not.

Drink some more, then.

It's amazing.

So we want to start by printing 5000 copies

of your book.

- Five thousand? - I assume you want to write a second one?

I hadn't really thought about it, but...

I don't know, I guess I do have a brief framework

for a 23-book series

featuring 109 characters based on the animals in my life,

creating an interwoven narrative about morality, nature and family,

set in the fields and towns around our farm.

Fantastic.

Fantastic. Fantastic.

Because it's in your next book that we see huge potential.

- Fantastic. - Fantastic.

- Fantastic. - Fantastic.

I don't trust this guy.

We've done some research on your book.

Now, people liked the story and the setting,

but what they really loved were the rabbits.

So, in the second book, we want to emphasise their individuality.

"Benjamin, the wise one."

"Cotton-Tail, the firecracker."

This guy is good.

"Flopsy and Mopsy, the dynamic duo."

- Why are we always treated...? - As a unit?

- But we do... - Look good.

- And then, finally, Peter. - What?

I get one? This is crazy.

We have two options for him.

I get two?

"The mischief maker." Or...

"The bad seed."

Nope. And he was doing so well too.

That one. That's the one. You've nailed it.

- What? - It's our favourite too.

- Really speaks to his character. - No, it doesn't.

"The bad seed" seems harsh, don't you think?

Well, he is a bit of a brat, really.

Even according to your own book,

he nearly broke you two up and destroyed his own family.

He's a little mischievous, but he doesn't mean anything by it.

- Exactly. Thank you. - I did catch him yesterday

trying to steal one of my tomatoes.

No, no, no. I was actually making sure that no one stole your tomatoes.

- I also imagine his voice to be annoying. - What?!

My voice isn't annoying, right?

I have something to show you.

Here's how much we want to do this with you.

Oh, my goodness.

My ears are gigantic.

Peter really looks like a villain.

- Every story needs one. - I'm not a villain.

That's not an accurate reflection of any of us.

It's like I'm looking in a mirror.

- I love it. - What?

I think it's terrific.

Oh, it's incredible.

It must be so precious to see your family up there.

It's my dream come true.

They look amazing!

Oh, come on.

I walk alone, I walk alone

Of course you'd be singing that song.

I can sing something else if you like.

Suit yourself.

Sometimes I wish

Someone out there will find me

Till then I walk alone

What you looking at, son?

Never seen anyone steal something before?

You some kind of goody-goody?

I'm no goody-goody.

In fact, apparently, I'm bad.

Yeah, I've made some mistakes,

which is what I thought kids are supposed to do, right?

Learn, grow, evolve.

But I guess, for this rabbit, the die is cast.

And you know what? I don't care anymore.

Oh, good for you, son.

But if I can just suggest one thing,

next time you meet a grizzled old thief on the street,

maybe don't open up so much.

- Sorry. - No, I like it.

It's just, out here, not everyone's as emotionally evolved as I am.

Name's Barnabas. Nice to meet you.

- Peter. - Take a peach.

You said you weren't a goody-goody.

No. I'm no goody-goody.

I'm a baddy-baddy.

Oh, no.

- Come on. - I've had it with you rats!

- I hate when they call us rodents. - Come back here!

Also when they try and hit us with a broom.

- That is not what a broom is for! - Get out of my shop!

Oh, I've had it with you rats!

You owe me a peach, son.

Lucky I had this safe house nearby.

- Where you from? - None of your business, old man.

What?

Well, you told me not to open up.

Now you're learning, but, also, I am genuinely curious.

I'm from the country, on a farm, near a pond.

Really? Where'd you get that jacket?

It looks just like one my old friend used to have.

It was my dad's.

We got to go.

You okay, son?

Yeah. I'm fine.

Did you just wink at me?

Sorry.

No, no, the only other rabbit I knew who could wink

was my friend from the country, and he lived next to a pond.

Wait a minute. That farmer, his name isn't McGregor, is it?

- Yeah. - Are you Peter Rabbit?

- Yeah. - I can't believe it.

My old friend, I think he was your dad.

They're in the recycling bin!

- What do we do? - We have some fun.

There you are!

How is this fun?

Because they actually believe they have a chance.

Okay.

Should this be in paper or plastic?

No one really knows.

Got you!

What do we do now?

- You're right! That was fun. - Yeah.

And there's a lot more of that around every corner.

We've got you!

Now, come on.

Get in there, rabbit.

Who are these people? Where are they taking us?

Stay calm, son.

I won't let anything happen to you.

And here.

And there.

Here.

And that's a fingerprint.

I just need to say something.

My book is very personal to me, and I don't want it to be compromised.

I'd be spinning in my grave if it was ever adapted

into some sassy hip-fest, purely for commercial gain,

probably by an American.

I give you my word that I will be your ferocious guardian,

a fortress between your art

and all who wish to boorishly capitalize on it.

Let's do it.

I'm telling you, this guy's garbage.

Of course, making it more contemporary

would increase the readership and benefit your land preservation fund

by, say, putting the rabbits in high-tops and T-shirts?

But you're a purist.

I respect that.

Sir, Marvin Stuart's outside for you.

Ah, Marvin.

One of our authors.

Marvin Stuart.

Hi, Marvin. I'll be right down.

We bought him that car when his book hit number one.

Marvin made a picture book about butterflies.

Gorgeous, elegant.

You could hang it in a museum. Sold 250 copies.

I made a small suggestion.

Sold 15 million copies.

That's more than Dickens.

- Where's Peter? - Yeah, I'm starting to get worried.

This is not like him.

The last time I saw him, we were staring at the billboard.

Ah, the billboard.

But seriously, where is Peter?

You got two this time. Nice one.

Well, I don't know why I'm here.

I want that one.

He's just like Peter from that book Nana gave me.

They want to go together. Can I get this one too, Mum, please?

They look like father and son.

More like "before" and "after."

They're so filthy.

All right, then. Go on.

Honestly, I don't know how you like those things. They're just vermin.

Liam, we've got two rabbits!

This next part might get a little bumpy, but it's actually quite fun.

Don't touch them until they've had their shots!

They probably have the plague.

I'm naming mine Monkey Boo-Boo Face.

Mine's Mrs. Cottage Cheese.

Aren't you a good rabbit?

Hello. Hello. Hello.

This is so humiliating.

Here, try this.

Much better. Thanks.

Let's go, kids! We're off to Grandma.

Won't they feel scared in the dark, Mum?

They're animals. They don't have feelings.

This is what it's like to be a pet?

The kids mean well, but that mum's a real monster.

What do we do now?

We go to work.

Jackpot.

Get a bag, son. They're always under the sink.

I'll just go ahead and use the handle.

Putting tomatoes in the fridge.

And they call us animals.

I get it.

You wanted to get caught.

You wanted to get taken to the pet shop.

You wanted to get adopted so you could take their food.

This is the McGregor's garden of the city.

It's how we survive out here.

Really? Are they all like this?

Nah. It's usually just takeout containers

and a bottle of champagne they're saving for a special occasion that will never come.

Oh, that's so sad.

Yeah, it's really sad.

Anyway, let's steal some more stuff, yeah?

Wait, we're stealing from kids?

Only the stuff they'll never eat.

Why do parents put it in there?

So teachers won't judge them.

Mighty nice haul, son.

How do we get it out of here?

Job's worth nothing without a good pickup crew.

Meet the crew. Samuel Whiskers, oldest thief in the city.

They ain't even his whiskers.

He stole them.

Tom Kitten.

He don't say much, but when he does, you're glad he don't say much.

Can we come in now? I'm freezing my catnip off.

And his sister, Mittens. The brains.

Always keeps us on track.

Enough with the introductions. Let's get on with it.

- Storage room? - Second door to the right.

- Coatroom? - Third door to the left.

- Bathroom? - I told you to go before you came.

- End of the hall. - Thank you.

So how do we get this stuff out of here?

Is this really gonna work?

A well-dressed man can get away with anything in this world.

And if he's got a baby with him, he can go anywhere.

Three weeks ago,

we rang the opening bell at the stock exchange.

Why did you want to do that?

Because we could.

Okay.

Howard, where have you been?

I need you to help me get rid of those filthy rabbits

before the children come home.

Have you gotten even shorter?

You little beasts!

- Come on. - Wait, what about all the food?

- We're just gonna leave it? - Better to live to see another day, kid.

I'm going to exterminate you little demons.

- See you. - Laters.

No, wait. I know how to deal with cranky humans who hate our guts.

You lead her to the kitchen. I'll take care of her.

You meet me back at the front door.

You can't hide from me, you disgusting bags of disease.

I'm gonna get you!

Run!

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