Original subtitles

(upbeat music)

- All right!

Here they are.

Cheers men.

- Ah thanks man.

Really appreciate it.

(coughing) What the fuck is that?

- Tabasco Orange Soda.

It's what you asked for, right?.

- Oh you are such an ass!

- Oh, you're welcome.

- [Reese] Ugh. (coughing)

- Okay, ordering, what do you want?

- When's Chef coming back?

- He's taken a few days off.

What do you want?

- Three kilos sirloin, two kilos of fillets ,

grab some porterhouses and shit.

- Okay.

And Dave, good work today.

Anything?

- Yeah, shallots, tarragon,

we're knocking out a bernaise tomorrow, right?

- Yeah, okay.

Reese?

- He put Tabasco in my drink.

- I don't care.

Ordering.

- More general salads, some quale eggs

and from frozen stick for crouton. (coughing)

- Okay.

- Right.

You've got 30 minutes.

- What's going on?

- Me and Cass are heading out.

You twats coming?

- Hell yeah!

- You knows it!

Mainly 'cause I seen you eye fucking me all day, Sal.

I knows you wants it.

It's only a matter of time before you give into your urges.

- Not in a million years, you grotesque,

poor excuse for a boy.

- Oh come on, princess.

I'm all man. (laughing)

- Where are we going?

- Didn't you hear her?

Out.

- Oh yeah, 'cause I mean that was so specific.

- I need to go get changed!

- Better clean the pints.

Loaded gun and all that. (laughs)

- I'll just finish this by myself then.

- You coming out then, tiger?

- Yeah.

For sure, love.

- Love? Already?

You move quick.

- What?

(quiet music)

- Fucking sandwich.

- P-E-A-R-S

Yeah, yeah it works.

(heels clomping)

- What the fuck?

- What?

- You're not changed!

- So?

- We have 18 minutes until the cabs get here.

- And you don't think I can get ready in 18 minutes?

- I don't think Usain Bolt could get ready in 18 minutes.

- What?

- You know, 'cause he's fast.

- Ah, good one.

- Look, it'd just mean a lot to me if you can get ready now,

the cabs are coming soon,

and I don't want to pay the late charges.

- Yes, all right, all right, stroppy.

- Fuck me, Sal, you look all kinds of hot!

- Thank you, thank you.

- Now, I'm not the type to put out on a first date, right,

and I'm obviously only saying that

'cause when you fall in love with me

I don't want you to think you can just

have your way with me and that's that.

Right?

- You know we all see the trollops leave your room

early in the morning when we're on the A.M. shift?

- I did not know that, no.

So, where is it, exactly where?

Oh my, cayenne.

What the fuck?

- Yes!

- I'm gonna fucking kill you!

(water running)

- Fuck, I need lipstick.

- What you think of these treads, huh?

- What the fuck are you wearing?

- You don't like it?

- Like it?

You look like one of my recurring visions.

Get changed.

- Come on, man.

- Fucker.

Come back here you little kid.

- So Reese is coming out tonight.

- I didn't know he was gay!

- No, you donut.

- Oh.

- So how does that make you feel?

- What? Me ...

Look, I've only just split up with Zack.

- But he seems into you.

- Yeah but I can't just go with him

'cause he's into me can I?

- You've totally done that.

- Yeah but he was wealthy.

- That he was.

So fit.

For a while I was pretty jealous.

- No, I don't need him.

I don't need another Labrador.

(door squeaks)

- Yo.

What do you think of this?

- No!

- Fuck!

- He's not bad though.

Seems a bit wet around the ears,

but I'm sure he's a decent guy.

- Yeah, but imagine trying to have a conversation with him.

I mean, he gets excited about anything.

Plus that hair would cause all kinds of problems

getting on an aeroplane.

It's like, have you ever been on of them little holidays

where they've got the really low ceilings

for the mezzanine bedrooms?

Fuck that, I mean, he'd literally be

bent over the whole fucking time.

- What?

- His hair!

It's massive!

- Not Dave.

- What's not Dave?

- I'm talking about Reese.

- Oh.

Yeah, no, that would make sense.

- I like you.

If you don't like me, I can change.

Can I borrow your number?

I've lost mine.

You are the droid I'm looking for.

I hear you're good at crosswords.

Angry, that's a cross word.

Ugh.

(upbeat music)

(crickets chirping)

- All right, I've done the ordering.

I'm off.

Laters.

Don't get Reese too fucked tonight.

We've got about 200 in tomorrow.

- Can't promise that, I'm afraid.

- What do you make of him?

- Who, Reese?

He's all right.

More he does, the better he'll get.

He's learning.

- Still gonna haze him, though?

- It's gotta be done.

- That it does.

See you later.

- Hang on a sec.

Chef, he's fucked off, hasn't he?

- Don't tell the others, but, yeah, he has.

- What happened?

- I don't really know,

but he said something about becoming a Ferret Porn Star.

- He what?

- Yeah, no, I don't know what it is either,

but I presume it has something to do with ferret porn.

- All right.

- Look, I need to go to London for a couple of days,

so, will you be all right

starting up tomorrow on your own?

- Yeah.

But without you and Chef, who's gonna run service?

- Don't get angry, but ...

- George?

- There will be somebody here by the beginning of service.

Do you remember Chef?

- Well, yeah.

- Before Chef?

- Oh.

No, please don't.

- Spinelli's going old school

and bringing back Chef to replace Chef.

- Please, George, after what happened, please.

- It's out of my hands.

- George, please, don't do this to me.

- I've never seen you look so scared.

Come on.

- Fuck!

Thought I'd never see that fucker again.

(upbeat music)

- So what do you think?

- Mate you look like Marge Simpson

does fucking Bollywood.

You got nothing else?

- No, I do not.

- You can't kill me.

- And why not?

I don't know yet but I'll think of a reason.

- Pick your death.

Knife, boiling water,

or deep-fried fucking face?

- Calm down, calm down, Awesome!

You know there's only one way to solve disputes!

We don't use violence around here.

What it is, mama.

Shame on you.

- You are right and I apologise.

- Okay.

So how do we solve this?

- The Cinnamon Challenge.

Two spoonfuls.

- Each? - Each.

- First one to swallow wins.

- Said your mama.

- Do you want me to let him kill you?

- Sorry.

- Guys, guys, guys!

What the fuck?

The cabs get here in 15 minutes!

- Sal, this is important.

- Clearly.

- We cannot take the anger no more.

We must stop the damn hostility!

- Can't it wait until tomorrow?

- [All Three] No!

- Ugh!

- Ready?

Set.

Go!

(spoons clanking)

- Oh!

- Fine contestants, real fine.

(coughing and gagging)

(yelling)

- Shit done, but you both failed.

- (screams) Now I have to go and brush my teeth again.

- Oh, why?

Why do we use this to solve shit?

No one ever fucking wins!

- Yeah, it is pretty stupid.

- Ugh!

Still, better than the cow pat challenge

of 2003 to 2012, fuck me.

- Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo

yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo

yo yo yo yo yo yo!

Whatcha think?

Everybody be saying they're shit, y'all.

- Dave, seriously wear some fucking normal clothes.

- I'm peacocking.

- Peacocking?

- Yeah, man. I got to lure in the ladies

with my sweet ass making a stand out there kinda approach.

You feel me?

- Just, fucking, get, changed!

- Okay, okay.

- Do you like my new makeup?

- Yeah it's fine.

You're getting changed though, right?

- No, I thought I'd stay in the same shit

I've been wearing all fucking day

serving pints behind the bar.

Oh and not forgetting the stout I poured down me at lunch.

Of course I'm fucking changing!

- Why didn't you get changed before you came down here then?

(jazzy music playing)

- Oh my god!

I love this tune!

- Where the fuck is everyone else?

- (humming)

Steamy windows. (humming)

(crickets chirping)

- How long you gonna be?

- Nine, nine, maybe ten?

- For once, can people just get ready and changed

so I don't have this vein popping out the side of my head?

- Damn, everybody getting eye-bally.

Slap my fro!

- The cabs are getting here in ten minutes!

Ten fucking minutes.

- So?

- I don't want to pay the late fees.

- Late fees?

I ain't never heard of no late fees.

That's not true and you knows it.

- I get anxious being late.

- See?

Isn't honesty fun?

- No.

You know I hate telling you my weaknesses.

- Plus, Sal, it's some club.

Who cares if you be late?

Oh, be bad.

People need to calm way the fuck down.

Let watermelons happen.

Let watermelons be.

It's cool.

- Are you kidding me?

- I can't help it.

My mind wonders and gets horny

when chicks are moany and angry.

(crickets chirping)

- You ever wondered how sharks have sex?

- It's crossed my mind.

- Fascinating though, isn't it?

- Do you recon Sal's gonna shag us?

- Not in a million years.

- Cheers.

You fancy that new kiddy, then?

- Who, Reed?

- Reese.

- Oh.

I don't know.

I mean, he seems nice and everything,

but I don't really know him, that's all.

- You knows me.

How come we've never knocked?

- I can't think of anything more gross.

- Congealed pubes,

covered in chunky milk being licked off

by a warthog being shagged up the ass

by an S and M granny with a strap-on,

sucking on her dead mate's tampon.

- I think you just answered your own question.

(upbeat music)

- I gots to be the pusher man!

- That's not what the song is about Dave!

(Dave groaning)

- Where's Sal?

I'm ready.

- Good for you.

- You're welcome.

Lonely, I am so lonely.

I'm ready!

- Congrats.

One down, three to go.

- Sal you ...

- Fuck off.

(shoes stepping)

- The rewards and appreciation I get

from working here are most wonderful.

(upbeat music)

- Right, so you're nearly ready?

- Do you think I should call him?

- We spent ages burning all of his shit.

Don't call him.

You want nothing to do with him.

Pull yourself together and move on.

Let's get drunk, wasted,

fucking obliterated so we can have a fucking awesome night.

- Yeah?

- [Both] Fuck off!

- Noted.

- Why are you so desperate about tonight?

- I just-

- Come on.

Tell Auntie Cass.

- I think I failed a politics exam.

- Why?

- Because I got a call today and he said

you've failed the politics exams.

- Meh, you can retake it.

- Yeah but-

- Yeah but fuck it.

You're too stressed out Sal.

I mean, if you'd calm down a bit,

you'd be able to study better.

Oh, come on, you know you're the smartest chick

in the world.

And, hopefully, when I get into DIDA,

we're gonna be in the same boat,

so I completely understand, but just, retake it.

Do it again.

And you'll smash it out of the park.

You know, sometimes these things in life happen

to prove that we're not all Superman,

and that things in life that you want

are gonna be hard work.

No, what you want to achieve is gonna be hard work.

You just gotta put more soul into it.

(skin slapping)

More sass.

- Definitely more sass.

- Oh come here.

- When did you get so wise?

- Oh, I have my moments.

- Turn around, there we go.

So I fucked Dave.

- Oh yeah?

How was it?

- I've had better.

- Oh.

- No.

- Fuck!

- Truce?

- No. - Okay.

- You ready, Cap?

- Yes, girl.

- Two down, two to go.

Where's Dave?

- Getting changed again.

- Sign this first.

It's my petition.

Stop Reese breathing. (laughs)

- You did all that to tell a really bad joke?

- I'm committed to my work.

- Oh yeah, well, clearly.

- Awesome, have you got another smoke?

- Yeah.

- You're smoking?

- No.

- Cassandra.

Do you remember Sarah?

She smoked.

And she died.

- Yeah, but, she kind of-

- You remember Donald?

The old sous chef?

- Oh yeah, he was fit.

- Yeah, well he smoked.

And he died.

- Whatever happened to his mate Sonja?

- Sonja?

You don't remember?

Well she smoked, and, guess what happened?

She died.

- Oh for fuck's sake, Sal,

stop being such a snob.

Fag?

- Ish. (laughs)

- All we need now is Dave.

- So what do you think?

- Looking good Dave.

- Thank you.

(upbeat music)

(car horn beeps)

- Cabs!

You coming soppy bollocks?

- Yeah.

Can I-

Do you think I have a shot?

- Tequila or Sambuca?

- No no I mean-

- With what?

- Do you know what I mean?

- Look Reese, you want my advice?

Don't force it.

Let it happen on it's own,

if it happens it happens,

if it doesn't then who cares?

If you worry and force it you'll drive her away.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

Come on, let's go.

- Yeah one minute.

- You look really nice Cassandra.

- Thanks.

- Boys, girls, let's fucking go.

(upbeat music)

- You reckon shells (mumbles)?

Sorry can we do that-

- Shells?

- Recon shells (mumbles).

- [Woman] Oh my god,

we're talking about life.

(woman laughs)

Okay.

- Well look who it is.

- Fucking over there for?

- (speaks in gibberish)

Hey!

- Fucking up with Marvin (mumbles) (laughs).

- We're giving a blowie.

He runs off upstairs.

I'll restart a quarter line on this one.

And so she gets paid,

and he picks up the sound, does it matter?

Should I do it again?

Should we go back up?

Yeah, all right. (laughs)

- No, I've heard the-

Bollocks.

- When?

- Set.

- (laughs).

- And why not?

- [Reese] I don't know yet but I'll think of a reason.

- Choose your death.

Knife's upside down.

Sorry can we just rewind just

so you come here and the phone.

All right, I should've waited for 30 seconds more

and the phone would've been to blame, not me.

(people laugh)

- (laughs)

- This is war.

This is the army.

I forgot, sorry.

- This ain't some bong.

The rules can be we can use it in a room,

but no shoes on the bed.

- Yeah, but-

- No yeah but.

This isn't some awesome fucking playground.

Have some decorum bro.

- Who?

All right, all right.

(mumbles) fucking Agy.

- The rules be, we can use the damn room

but no shoes on the bed.

- Yeah I know.

You said that mate.

You said that, you literally just said that.

Is everything okay?

You all right?

- It's cool bro.

(groaning)

- (woman laughs) It's just so not (mumbles).

- Sorry, sorry,

I came in with my sandwich about to say the line

where's my fucking sandwich?

(people laugh)

So can we just go back, sorry.

- Go!

(spoons clinking)

Find contestants.

Real fine.

(men scream)

Shit done but you both failed.

(gagging and spitting)

(people laughing)

- [Director] Cut, cut, cut, cut.

(people laughing)

- [Man] That is foul.

Ah that's foul.

- [Man] When you both are done,

I want to try to take a pic of you.

(gagging and laughing)