Original subtitles

Car 72, please report. Car 72.

Car 72. No activity.

- Ah! - Come on.

Did I miss anything?

Yeah. Yeah.

They came out, and then a Tasmanian tiger,

I mean, no one's seen that since the '30s... arrived.

- What? - And they jumped on the back of it.

And it grew wings and they flew away. It was amazing.

Oh... There's no need to be like that.

Well, there's no need to fall asleep for an hour while we're on duty.

- Look. I read an article. - Oh. Was it online?

- Yes. - Yeah.

And it said that all... all mammals

are designed to sleep in 4-hour increments.

- Really? - It increases brain activity.

- Oh, really? - Yep.

So you read an article and now you're living by it?

Now it's... now it's your bible?

I could with a quick Google search find 5,000 articles

that say the exact opposite of that.

- We are designed to nap. - Really?

It's natural. Not just one big sleep.

Oh, so you're no longer doing the big, long sleep at night?

- Oh, sometimes. - I think all the time.

I think you're doing the one big, long sleep and lots of naps.

That's just lazy. You're a lazy detective. You're a lazy human.

You're not doing the mammal nap form. You're doing the big cat form sleep.

- You're just sleeping 18 hours a day. - I don't have to listen to this.

Sync & corrections by susinz resync by chamallow www.addic7ed.com

Car 32, scouting city way.

Usual suspects around here. No clues.

Copy that, 32. Round the south side on the way through?

Copy that. South side.

Car 72. No activity.

Copy that, Car 72.

You want a hand with your... headset, Anousha?

No. No, I'm fine. You can just call me Noush.

- Noush? - Mmm.

- Oh, that's fun. Noush. - Yeah.

Yeah. But, like, just let me know if I can do anything. And...

If you're not familiar with the system...

Oh, no, it's pretty similar to Randwick, so I should be good.

Oh, are you a transfer?

Yeah.

I thought you were new, like...

Like, no one tells me anything around here.

- Sorry. - That's all right.

Noush? Um, quick question.

Are you a Waleed Aly fan?

Uh, I know him. I don't really watch his show, though.

- You know him personally? - No, no. No, I've heard of him.

- Oh. - But I don't watch his show.

"Don't adjust your sets. This is really happening."

I... I don't know what that is, sorry.

Oh, my God. Sorry. That's the speech he gave when he won the Gold Logie.

- Oh, okay. Yeah. - It was a real moment, for Australia.

- Because... - Mmm.

Before that, I reckon there was, like, a...

you know, just an undercurrent of racism.

- Yeah, do you think? - And then... Waleed won, you know.

That Logie win just ended all of that, didn't it?

- Thankfully. - Yeah.

Yeah.

- So great. - Yeah.

No, but it's really good to, um, see some diversity around here.

It can be a real beige fest, you know, and it's just...

- That is not the real Australia. - Mmm.

- Yep. - You know? I mean, we've got...

Disabled Lee.

But, um... He's a wanker.

Sorry. Is that language offensive to you?

- No. That's fine. - Oh, that's good.

I just want to give you the heads-up, 'cause he's actually an arsehole.

Too much?

- No. - No? Okay.

'Cause he is a fucking idiot.

- Is that o... Are you okay with that? - Yeah.

- If I'm honest, he is a deadset c... - Bit much.

- Leave that one. - Yeah.

That's good to know, 'cause I don't like to use that word.

I didn't know where the boundary was, and... now I know.

But he's a fucking idiot.

We're crossing over the loop bridge this time.

Check in soon.

That's it, mate. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Honesty hour. Let's do it.

Come on. It's best for both of us. Come on. Come on. Please.

- I mean, do we have to? - Yeah. You know what Crystal said.

It's good for both of us. Let's just do it.

I don't want to do any more therapy.

It's not therapy. Therapy's for fucking wankers. All right?

This is just honesty hour.

- Sit the fuck down and do it! - Oh...

Yeah, blockage, blockage. You can't block. You know that.

Just keep it clear.

Okay. Here we go.

- Why do I have to go first? - Went last last time. It's your turn.

Hey. Don't fucking roll your eyes and give me attitude.

Just do it. Okay? Do it properly.

I... still feel...

some anger...

about the demise of our caf�.

I am hearing your anger about the demise of our cafe.

Toward me. And I am open to that anger.

- And I'm also feeling... - Mmm?

a certain sense... of residual anger...

- at you... - Mmm.

for your croiffant...

Croiffants. Croiffants.

- About your croiffants idea. - Mmm.

I mean, half coffee, half croissant... energy drink...

Fucking stupid.

That was the beginning of the end. You drove everyone away.

It was just too avant-garde.

And you just kept on... saying, "They're gonna take off."

"They're gonna take off. It's gonna be the next... the next big thing."

But they never took off. They never took off.

I am hearing your anger about the croiffant...

and I accept that anger.

I would like to say that also,

I feel a particular fiery, volcanic anger towards you

about the croiffant...

Let me finish.

Because when I suggested the croiffant in the first place,

I remember a sincere and enthusiastic response from you,

which now turns out to be not true, and that lack of truth upsets me.

I hear you. I hear your upset feelings.

And I return them to you with a renewed sense of rage.

You've ruined my dreams.

You took my money.

You took my money from my holes.

I spent my money on your dreams.

On your... your art caf�.

It wasn't a fucking art caf�,

and I don't really want to hear that phrase again.

It was just a shop.

Where you bought coffee and shit to eat and there was shit on the walls,

like, just... pictures that you could buy.

I'm very... very, very angry

that our caf�...

has been burnt to the ground,

and I'm very, very angry that I burnt it...

that I burnt it...

- I'm hearing. I'm hearing... - I'm hearing you...

I think I like these new guys better than the old ones.

I honestly don't care, darling.

Operation Bandicoot.

We still have car 72 outside the Doolan mansion.

Yep. That's okay. Leave them there.

I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'T'.

Uh...

- Trumpet. - No. Come on.

- Tree house. - Really?

- All right, uh, terra firma. - You give up, don't you?

- T-taxi booth. Tantalising. - Give up. Give up.

- All right, I give up. - It's an easy one. Truck.

Truck. Where?

- There. - Where?

There.

Where? What truck?

That truck right there!

Well, okay. So I'll take your word for it.

- Take my word for it? - Yes.

- Can you not see that white truck... - You win. Happy?

- Right there? - Yeah, I... I know.

But I believe you, right?

It's not a question of believing me or not.

See that blue sign?

- Bright blue sign. - Yes.

- Can you see that? Can you? - Yes. The blue one. Yes.

- What does it say? - It says...

It's "City"...

"City lity". "City fun".

"City"... "Big city"...

- Stop. Stop. Stop. - All right.

First of all, all terrible guesses.

"City city city fun"?

- Yeah. - Secondly, it says "No parking".

Well, don't need parking.

- You're legally blind. - You're legally an arsehole.

- I'm legally telling the truth. - Look... It's not...

- Okay. No, you look. Straight that way. - All right. Okay.

All right? Tell me when you can see my finger coming to your periphery.

- Ready? Ready? - Right. Yes.

- Have you started? - Yes, I have.

- All right. There. - Oh, for fuck's sake, Stokes.

- Look, it's night-time. - You can't see, mate.

Mate, police work, it's not all about vision.

Right? There's all the other senses.

I smell trouble. I... I hear the trouble.

- You know, I feel it in me. - I feel it too.

You know? This is why I didn't want to play I-spy.

Yes, you did want to play I-spy. You always want to play I-spy.

- It's your favourite game. - Okay, it is.

But I wanted to do things in the car. All right?

We have literally done everything in this car.

All right. Okay. We'll go outside the car. My turn?

- Okay. - All right.

I spy with my little eye something beginning with...

What is that?

Noush, you know your... headscarf.

- What's that called? What do you... - It's a hijab.

Hijab. Hijab.

Write that down so I don't forget.

That's good. I... I thought you'd have it in, like, the police blue.

But that looks good.

- It's lovely fabric. - Thank you.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- You can touch it if you want. - No. I'm not gonna touch it.

No, it's a lovely fabric. You can.

- It'll be fine. Yeah, yeah. - You sure?

Zap!

- Oh! Oh, so you... - I'm kidding. You can.

- Okay. - You can.

- Yeah. It's... - Yeah.

It's a little like a... crimplene or something.

- Isn't it? It's... - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Don't touch anyone else's, though.

- Oh, okay. Yep. - Yeah.

I... I patted a guide dog once when it was on its...

That's sort of like that.

And... I would like to acknowledge that I do hear that

and I'm very sorry that I... killed your dreams.

Because that was not my intention.

That's it, mate.

That's... that's... time's up.

Oh, that feels better, doesn't it?

Oh, it's always so shit when you start.

- Yeah. - But then...

By the end of it, it just feels like there's a weight...

- Yeah. - Been all lifted off my shoulders.

I feel like I've got no residual at all.

There's nothing residual left. I'm just all empty. It's everywhere.

I feel empty too.

Mate... I've got some good news.

Yeah?

I'm gonna be a dad.

- A father. - I'm so proud of you.

Put that hand there. Hey?

To the future. Mmm.

- Thanks, mate. - Hey?

God, this would be an awful way to die.

Darling, we're not going to die.

I'm just saying, if we were going to die,

this would be a horrible way to go.

There's no nice way to die, is there?

A nicer...

way to die would be...

to be scuba-diving over a beautiful coral reef

surrounded by a school of tropical fish.

Drowning?

Well, ultimately, drowning, I suppose, yes,

but they say that's a... a very pleasant way to go.

What about for the people who are on the tropical reef?

They see your bloated dead body floating past

with fish eating at your face.

I don't care, do I? I'm dead.

What if there's small children on the boat? They've got to see that too.

They'd be scarred for life. Is that what you want?

I don't know, darling. I don't particularly care.

I just think it'd be beautiful. What about you?

What... what... what's your ideal way to go?

I've always thought it'd be lovely to die doing something that you love.

Like...?

Like that comedian Tommy Cooper, that one from the '70s.

He was enormous. And he wore the big fez.

And he... he died on-stage doing stand-up.

And what would your... what... uh... What would you do?

I just told you, doing stand-up.

Hold on. I'm sorry. What?

You're telling me that your lifelong dream is to be a stand-up comic

and that if you could, you would die performing comedy on-stage?

- Yes! - Darling, where did this come from?

What do you mean? I've always wanted to be a stand-up comic.

Always. My whole life.

Darling, um, there's one problem with that idea,

which is lovely, it's very sweet.

You're not funny.

You know what? I think that this goes over your head.

- Oh, does it? Right. - Frankly, it goes over your head.

The sort of... prog kind of comedy I'm doing...

- Prog comedy? - It's something that you...

- It's just... It's out of your... - Tell us... Tell us a...

Tell us a joke. I'd love to hear one of your...

- I don't do... I don't do hard jokes. - You're like the observational...

The Seinfeld, "What is the deal...?" That kind of... This is a good one.

"Do you ever notice how some people"

"have dreams and they never follow them?"

You don't understand it. Okay?

And where do you get your... material from, darling?

I get a lot of material from my life, from my Tinder experiences.

- Oh, from your Tinder experiences? - Yes.

We're going back to the Tinder experiences, are we, darling?

Where you rope poor, unsuspecting men into going on dates with you...

- Darling. Darling. Again... - to be seat-warmers at galas.

They actually think they're going on a date with a beautiful woman...

- You're not getting it, darling. - They're not getting it.

It's companionship. And I can simply not go to those events alone.

- You're never around. - Okay, darling.

I want to hear one of these... stories that aren't jokes.

I want to... I want to hear one of your little...

Just some... Just... See if it goes over my head, darling.

Okay. I'll give you one.

I had so much money in my purse, so much cash,

that it literally split open, the purse,

full of money, overflowing, and it broke,

and I had to go and get a new purse with the money from the old purse.

I mean, it... the irony of that!

That's actually pretty good.

Cross-checked against coordinates. No result.

I was watching one of those wizardy films the other day, you know,

like, one of... one of those really early ones,

where they're...

Really good film. Like, not just a kids film.

And, like, the... the... the kid becomes the sorcerer.

- 'Harry Potter'? - Yeah.

- Yeah, yeah. - And the kid becomes the wizard.

Yeah, I can't watch those. I can't watch the early versions of tho...

- The first films. Can't watch 'em. - Why?

Because that actress who plays Hermione Granger, when she's a kid,

she becomes so attractive later in life that, you know...

that when I watch that... it...

She's got the same eyes and the same jawline, and I just...

And there's nothing sexual about that, obviously,

and I feel weird, 'cause I'm just thinking about current-day her,

and... she's all right to me, but then, not right,

so I feel weird when I watch it, and I don't like it,

and thanks, people who cast that film, for casting her

and making me think of her when I'm watching her.

It's no good for me.

And I don't need that kind of hassle when I'm watching telly.

- I've got enough on my plate in life. - You all right?

Yes. I'm fine.

- Did something happen? - No, nothing happened.

So I'm at the beach the other day...

- Something happened? Yes. - Yeah. Something happened. Okay?

- I'm at the beach, walking home. - Mmm.

People all around on a Saturday morning. Place is teeming, right?

And I've just been for a swim, so my shorts are wet,

so I'm carrying my phone in my hand,

'cause I don't want to put it in my pocket, right?

And I'm walking behind this hot girl, who's wearing, like...

She's gorgeous, and she's wearing this, like...

little, like, nyeh... eh...

active-wear, they call it, exercise gear.

You know, basically, sanctioned lingerie.

- Mmm. - And... And...

And I'm walking right behind her, and she turns around and goes,

"Oh, were you taking photographs of me?"

- Oh, busted. - No, not busted.

- No? - No, not busted. I wa...

I had my phone in my hand because I had the wet shorts.

- When... when did you get wet shorts? - Because I'd been for a swim!

Weren't you listening?

No. I was thinking about the active-wear.

Oh, well. See? Filthy mind, you, but not me.

- I was just... - Uh-uh. I own it.

I would own it if I had it. Look, probably I was looking.

- Probably I was. - Busted.

But no... Well, in a sense. But it's...

Like, 'cause it's right there. You know? And if it's...

Look, if... if there... oh, if fireworks happen over there,

I'm gonna look, "Ooh, fireworks."

- Where? - No, not now.

I'm saying, if fireworks happened there, I'd go, "Oh," just naturally.

- Right. - You naturally would. Right?

So everyone's looking at me going, "Oh, you pervert, you pervert."

I'm like, "Oh, for fuck's sake." It's not my fault.

And it's not her fault either, 'cause everyone's wearing it.

Apparently, to exercise now, we all have to wear dental floss.

And it wasn't even that hot.

Like, what happened to, "Going for a run now. Gonna wear a tracksuit."

That seemed fine for everyone for a decade or so. You know?

And then so I'm the bad guy.

It was... it was a... it was a dwarf.

That... It was a dwarf that, uh...

It wasn't a kid. It was a dwarf. But he had a baby to look after.

- You talking about 'Willow'? - Ye... yes.

You've mistaken 'Willow' for 'Harry Potter'?

Yes.

We were talking about 20 minutes ago?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

You know how sometimes in the car we have, like, a flurry of conversation,

then other times, we just... we don't talk,

we lapse into silence for, like, hours?

- Yeah. - Let's do that.

All right.

Which bit, the... the talking bit or the... the silence?

The silence.

Uh, come in, HQ. Nothing to report.

I've just googled the definition of your name, Anousha.

"Delighted, happy".

- That's good, isn't it? - Yep.

- You're lucky. - Yeah.

Oh, yep. Shift work. Settling in.

You're getting a bit tired. You've got tomorrow off, though.

- Yeah? - Yeah. Yeah.

- I've got a match, though. - Match?

Roller derby.

- Oh! Right. - Mmm.

- You roller-derby? - Yes, I do.

Oh. I used to roller-skate.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

And then... Like, you know when roller blades came in?

- Just turned me off it. - Yeah.

It's sort of, like, there's roller-skating and ice-skating.

- Don't try and blend the two. - Yeah.

You know? Just... leave it.

- It dilutes them both, doesn't it? - That's right. That's right. So...

Yeah.

- I'm in the market for a new sport. - Yeah?

Given footy away.

- Ever since the Burrows incident. - Oh.

- With the eel? - Yeah.

- You should come along if you want. - Yeah?

- Yeah. Yeah. - Oh.

We always go out and get a bite to eat,

get something to drink afterwards.

Like, not an alcoholic drink, would you?

Oh, no. No. No, never do that.

You!

Oh, yeah. And I love spicy food, you know. Hotter, the better.

Yeah. Excellent.

Ah, mate.

That is...

- I'm just so happy for you, mate. - Mate...

We're over the moon. We're just...

- This... with Tracey? - Yeah.

We're just looking forward to the next chapter and...

We feel we've got a lot of love to give.

We're together.

- It's the next stage of our lives. - Yeah.

It's a little one coming into the world.

- Yeah. - And we're... We just want to give.

Oh, mate, look at you. You're all starry-eyed. It's awesome.

- I've never felt like this before. - Big congrats, okay?

- Big, big congrats to her. - Thanks, mate.

And to you, of course. You know, just tell her.

- It means a lot. - That's unreal.

It means a lot.

You used to go out with her, um... her older sister, didn't you?

- Steph. Ooh. - Steph. You and Steph.

Sexy Steph.

Yeah, I went out with Trace too, of course.

- Did you? When, um... - Mate...

She was really young.

- I mean really young. - Yeah, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mate, it was just... it was just a physical thing.

It wasn't a... You know, it wasn't a...

Remember I did the bakery job?

Oh, right, where the flour exploded everywhere?

I remember that fuck-up, mate.

I did fucking two and a half years for that.

She used to visit every weekend, mate. She was fantastic.

She's never told me. She's never talked about this.

Really dedicated, mate. Really dedicated.

Really, really upset that I was in there, mate.

I remember her saying, you know...

There was this moment there where she's...

she's gonna end it all, you know.

She was gonna kill herself? 'Cause you were inside?

Oh, like I say, she was... she was very young.

Yeah, right.

See...

No, no, no, don't worry.

What? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.

She doesn't still have that... tattoo of my name

on her lower back, does she?

I remember her doing that. That was a stupid thing, mate. Yeah.

I mean, I hope she's gotten rid of it. But is it still there?

She's got a... She's got a butterfly.

- She's got a butterfly... - Oh, right.

Coming out of a cocoon, tattooed on the lower back.

Oh, okay. Does the butterfly wings look like a capital "B"?

Well...

Yeah. I mean, all butterflies' wings... look like a capital "B".

Does... the... the cocoon look like...

Like, could it be "ruce"?

- "Ruce"? - "Ruce"?

Uh...

I mean, I guess...

I guess it could look like... could look like "ruce".

Mmm. Okay.

Anyway. I just... Mate...

Look, anyway... Look, um, I'm s... Mate.

So proud of you. So proud of you. It's just... It's beautiful, mate.

And just, look... Give her my love. Just give her...

Just give her all my love, mate.

- And congratulations to both of you. - Yeah. I'll make sure I say hello.

Say a bit more than that. Just... Say what I said.

- "Bruce sends his love." - Yeah.

Just... But, you know. Give... give her my love.

'Cause, I mean, look, she was very young, and it was just physical.

- It was just... It was nothing. - Yeah.

- I'll say... I'll make... I'll say hi. - She was very young.

I mean...

- It was very physical. - Yeah, I'm gonna, uh...

I'm gonna, uh...

- I'm gonna check on the, um... - Right, mate.

Proud of you, mate. Proud of you.

So proud of you, mate. Good on you, mate.

- Just make sure you tell her, mate. - Thanks, mate. Yep.

Trace.

- What? - Nothing, mate. Nothing.

Car 72, I've got Superintendent Swayne here.

I'm just gonna patch you through. Go ahead.

Car 72, this is Superintendent Swayne.

Let's start with an update on your progress there, car 72.

Hello?

- Are they there? - Yeah, should be.

I have signal received. Car 72?

Car 72? This is Superintendent Swayne.

An update on your position there, car 72.

Car 72, can you come in, please?

Car 7... Car 72.

Ah, this is wasting my time.

Guys.

For fuck's sake.

I usually nap, but it was Hendy,

he was asleep at the same time, you see?

And that's when the superintendent called,

so it was pretty unlucky for both of us, yeah.

Yeah, code 4 misconduct, they called it.

Anyway, it's nice to be in the driver's seat for a change.

Hendy, he usually drives.

I'm normally where you are, I'm the passenger.

Is this... you making some conversation?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah, I don't want to.

I should tell him!

I reckon he'd get a real kick out of this.

Uh, car 35, come in.

This is car 35. Go ahead.

- Hendy! - Hey.

- Hey, guess what. - What?

- I'm in the driver's seat. - You are?

Yeah. You know, I'm usually in the passenger side, you know?

Yeah, yeah. I'm usually driving, hey?

Yeah.

Anything, uh, happening there?

Oh, well... no, no, nothing.

Nothing going on.

You know, we're getting on great guns.

This is... Plenty of laughs.

All right, mate, we'll, uh... we'll chat soon.

- All right? Over. - 'Bye.

- That was Stokes. - Yeah.

Bit weird, isn't it?

Not... not... not because of you here. Not us, I'm just saying...

We're not weird. Unless your dad shows up with his big dick.

Sorry. I don't think it's...

I don't think it was bigger. It was kind of just the same.

I didn't really notice.

I'm just saying I'm not that...

The point that I'm trying to make

is that Stokes isn't here and that's what's weird.

- Usually it's Stokes. - Yeah. I know.

You know? But obviously you're here now. That's all.

Yep, got it.

I'm across it, I know why you were separated.

- Well, do you, though? - Uh-huh.

You were both sleeping.

Considering I have to be here, do you think maybe we could

clear the air about last week and you taking photos of me...

- Oh, come on! - When I was running?

I did not take photos of you in your running gear.

- We've been over this. - Yeah, right.

And I've apologised for the misunderstanding.

- Because you had wet shorts. I know. - Yes.

- Yeah, sure. - And that'll be the end of it.

Wonder what Stokes is doing.

Yeah, better ask him.

Car 72, come in.

Oh, thank God.

Hendy!

- Quick noughts and crosses? - Sure.

Uh, top left, nought.

Top right, cross.

Top middle, nought.

Bottom right, cross.

Bottom left, nought. I got ya.

No, you didn't have anything in the middle left... centre.

I didn't need anything in the middle left centre.

I had top, middle, bottom in the centre.

Fuck!

Okay, do you wanna do I-spy?

You all right?

Yeah.

I'm a bit dusty. That was... a great night at the roller derby.

Yeah, it was a big night.

Massive night. Fantastic!

- Yeah? You liked it? - I loved it!

The way they, you know, get the crowd involved and all geed up,

and it was really close at the end,

you just wanted to run on the rink and just bloody...

That other jammer on the other team,

you just wanted to hip-and-shoulder her

and take her down.

- You know? - No, you did.

- Hey? - You did.

You shoulder-charged her.

Oh, that's why that's all... frozen up.

I can't... I can't... Got no...

It looked like it hurt, actually.

Yeah, that's hurting. Oh, wow!

- Ah, it's coming back! - Okay! Crazy!

Yeah. No, I thought you'd left, actually.

- Yeah? Did I... - After they took you outside.

Yeah, but... 'cause I wanted to go back in

to go to the toilet, remember?

Yeah, but then you just... went.

Oh, I've just gone outside, haven't I? Oh, that's hilarious!

- I got no control down there, with... - You were saying that, actually.

"Location is irrelevant! I've had a kid!"

Yeah. Hilarious!

- It was fun. - Late night, though.

Like, for a weeknight. 4am?

I'm pretty sure I was home by midnight, actually.

It was definitely 4am when I got home.

Weren't you... Were you at the park?

And the Samoan security guards came up?

You know, it was your idea to climb the tree.

I just... I don't think I did climb a tree.

I'm pretty sure you did. In fact, I think there's photos to prove it.

So I'll... Where's my phone?

Oh, fuck, I've lost my phone.

Ugh.

That's not... Ow.

That's...

- Oh, can you hear that? - Yep.

- Ohh. - That's wrong.

That's not good at all, is it?

Oh, that's just...

That was worth it, though. That was a great night.

Entering phase 3 Alpha 1.

We are leaving car 72 in position.

Car 35 has been moved to the location.

That's a very impressive moustache you have.

Yeah.

Did... Do you spend much time grooming?

Yeah, I don't wanna talk about my moustache.

It's just that it's quite, um...

It's got a great shape.

Looks like...

You know Sam Elliott, the cowboy actor?

It's a bit like his.

Yeah, I don't... I don't watch much television.

Well, movies like "Tombstone" and...

Don't know him.

Do you mind if I, um...

if I just touch it?

I mean, I just wanna see how...

- You wanna touch my moustache? - Well, just a... just a bit.

All right, I'll tell you what.

You can touch my moustache

if I can touch your balls.

Oh... Hey!

- What? - Yeah.

You can touch my moustache, gently,

if I can unzip your fly, put my hand between your legs

and just feel the little furry hairs that grow from your scrotum.

Jesus!

No, don't... don't worry about it. I don't wanna touch it.

- Okay. Forget about that? - Yeah.

Okay.

Sorry I mentioned it.

The offer is on the table.

Bruce and Jimmy are still on the package, boss.

I know. I'm working out the next step.

This is just bullshit!

This is getting to the point of being offensive, you know.

Mate, I've done all the right...

- Hung up. - Ouch.

Ouch is right.

Is this the gay nephew thing?

Oh, yeah. I mean, mate, you try, you know?

- He's come out, okay? - Yeah.

Brave. Good kid, you know?

Family's freaking out about it, you know?

- You're okay with that? - Totally okay.

I'm celebrating this kid!

You used to really hate on the gays.

- I did. - You used to be real...

You were really anti-homosexual

when, you know, a couple of years ago...

- Remember those? - I do. I do.

And I take full responsibility for that. Those days are over, mate.

- Remember Darren and Steven? - Oh, at the cafe?

- What a wonderful couple. - Weren't they beautiful?

I mean, so, so well mannered.

Always polite, always... Always leave a tip. Always drop a tip.

Good tippers, yeah, yeah.

They were classy blokes. I mean, Stevie, mate!

I used to sit there with Stevie, he'd say,

"Oh, you're a rough-headed," you know, "boofhead."

And I'd say, "Oh, you big faggot!"

- You know, we'd laugh, mate! - Yeah.

You know, it was a joke for us.

We understood each other. It was no problem.

I mean, he really... I jumped the fence once I met Stevie.

- Yeah, you sure did. - You know?

So after meeting them, I thought, "Okay, the kid's come out."

So what I do? I go buy the one thing that I know gays are gonna love.

Hair straightener.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

That's... that's a gay thing, is it?

Oh, mate, you need to get out and about, find out what's going on.

I bought a few gay mags, you know, on the side.

- Did ya? - Yeah, mate, you know.

I just wanted to do the homework for the kid, you know?

And hair straighteners, I see 'em left, right and centre.

So I buy him this top-shelf hair straightener, mate.

Had to get this thing imported, right?

I buy him all the adaptors for round the world,

'cause I know them fellas, they like to travel.

Drop it off to the birthday party.

I'm feeling proud and loud myself. I'm feeling great about this.

Roxy, she starts abusing me in the back room,

in front of the kid, which was even more embarrassing, you know?

"Oh, you're a homophobe. You're making the boy feel bad."

Because I bought him a hair straightener?

I bought him a hair straightener because gays love straighteners!

You know what's happened here? You know what Roxy thinks?

That you've bought the hair straighteners

'cause you want him to be straight.

That it's not about the curl in his hair or the wave of this or that,

but it's about... subconscious homophobia.

But I'm not.

I know you're not. I know you're not.

- I'm not. I'm not. - I know you're not.

I know you're not.

But maybe you are.

Just a little bit.

Maybe I am, a bit... still.

Nah, but you're getting there.

And you like your nephew. Baby steps.

It's baby steps.

Yep. A step at a time.

Maybe you should return 'em and, um...

see if you can get him some hair gel or something.

Yeah.

Gays love hair gel.

- Yeah. - They love it.

Car 35? Come in, Car 35.

Car 35. Hey.

What are you doing?

Nothing. Rainer's asleep.

- Is he asleep now? - Sound asleep!

- He's worse than you! - Yeah, he's much worse than me.

He never wakes up!

- How old is he? - Oh, I don't know.

He hasn't submitted to carbon-dating yet.

We're not on a stake-out. We're in an episode of "Antique Roadshow".

Love that one.

- It's a good one. - You got any more?

You know how 135 years ago

Ned Kelly was arrested?

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Well, guess who the arresting officer was.

- Who? - Rainer.

That's a good one, wasn't it?

'Cause he... That makes him a hund...

His eyes are open.

Now?

He's looking right at me.

Maybe he sleeps with his eyes open.

Maybe. He's not moving.

I tell you what, just move your finger from left to right

to see if he follows it with his eyes.

If he does, he's awake.

No response.

Ask him if he's awake.

- Are you awake? - Yeah.

- Yeah, he's awake. - Car 35 out.

Out.

Sorry.

Just having a joke.

Hendy and I, we often just joke about stuff.

Do you know any jokes?

Oh, fuck off.

Car 35 is continuing surveillance

outside Foxtrot location.

Yeah. Sounds yummy.

You done?

Yeah. No, you leave it there. I'll wash it up.

Yeah, okay. You go back to sleep.

Love you too.

See you soon. 'Bye.

It's... it's Gwen, my girlfriend.

- Oh, yeah? - Yep. Living with her.

- Are ya? - Pretty serious, yeah.

- Wow. - She's an ultra-marathon runner.

What's an ultra-marathon?

Um, I think it's, like, 96 kilometres, or miles...

- Wow! - It's ages.

She's incredibly fit. And I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

That's amazing.

She's... she's a good fit.

That's good. It's a fit fit.

- It's good to be fit. - Yeah.

Every second person's got diabetes or is on the obese spectrum.

There was a, um, girl at my high school called Tegan.

Fat Tegan. She was massive. Like, she was a big girl.

- Really fat. - You called her "Fat Tegan"?

Behind her back. But she was more than just fat, she was pathetic.

And she was unfocused and she was unhappy

and constantly fighting with her mum.

I mean, when her mum was even there.

Her mum was an alcoholic and fucking out all the time.

But at lunchtime, me and some of the other kind of skinny, cool girls,

we'd grab her lunch box every lunchtime and count the calories.

Anything over 200, we threw in the bin

and made a bit of a spectacle of her.

She cried herself to sleep every night and it was really hard for her,

but now she's a tight size 8.

And I did that.

So you're welcome.

Hmm.

Were you Tegan?

No. I'm April. Tegan was Tegan.

I was one of the hot girls.

Yeah, it just sounds like... you know a lot of details about her, which...

But I do. Everyone...

About her mum and their relationship and everything.

- Everyone knew all of that. - Right.

But you said she cried herself to sleep every night.

Okay, can we just drop it? Why do you have to...

Like, Tegan isn't Tegan anymore.

Tegan actually died a few years ago.

- So can you drop it? - Okay.

- Okay? - Sorry.

Yep.

Even the fact that you're saying that she died

makes me think that, you know, it's still... you were Tegan.

That she died, metaphorically, then April was born.

Just shut up!

Fuck!

Negative on the City West.

Looping back round via Broadway. Out.

Look at old Squirrelly! Look at old Squirrel, eh?

He looks about 300!

I'm off the Instagram. I'm sick of it.

I'm off the Facebook.

I'm not gonna tweet anymore.

No more Snapchats.

No more social media.

You know, ever since we lost the caf�, I'm just...

I'm not following "Beyons" and Taylor Swift anymore.

I'm sick of seeing their successes, their dreams achieved.

I love Tay Tay.

I love her. And look what Beyonc�'s done.

Look what Beyonc�'s done, mate!

She turned bloody lemons into "Lemonade",

getting stuck into Jay Z over all that shit.

Fantastic, mate.

Well, where's our "Lemonade"?

We had our "Lemonade". We spilled it everywhere.

Nah, mate, we're still bubbling, mate. Still bubbling.

Still making bubbles, baby.

Yeah, sometimes I feel...

really proud to be alive in the same time as "Beyons".

- Know what I'm saying? - Yeah.

Sometimes a bit jealous, but... mostly just really proud.

Me too, mate. Me too.

Yeah, look, if you're gonna check

your matches on Kindle every two minutes,

do you mind putting it on silent?

No, it's not... This is Tinder.

Same thing.

No, it's not. It's not the same thing.

I mean, one's a dating app,

the other one's a... book reading thing.

Anyway, I'm on the line to Betty.

Well, trying to get hold of her. She's been a bit non-responsive.

And she did a no-show at our first date, so...

hoping for better things.

I'm on the verge of dropping her, 'cause... we don't need 'em, do we?

You know?

We don't.

Ow! Oh.

- Oh, that's tender. - What?

- Oh, my hip. - Yeah?

Yeah, got a bit of a twinge

right down there in the groiny, almost.

I was taking the bins out last week,

just, you know, out the front and down the thing,

and I tripped over and I hurt my hip.

It's odd.

Sounds like you had a fall.

No! It wasn't a fall.

It was just a... just...

You know, a little trip.

- Ever happened before? - Yeah.

Yeah, but ever so completely without any rhyme or reason?

For no explanation other than

your body buckled under years of strain and decay?

Ouff! No.

I remember my first fall. I was about your age at the time.

No, it wasn't a fall...

Split-level house. Just missed the one step.

I'm years off having a fall, though.

I mean, I'm at least 20... 30 years off having a fall.

- I don't fall. - And this happened last Sunday? Yeah?

- Yeah. - And you're still wincing?

Well, you know, it's getting better.

Ooh, that is with you for the rest of your life.

- No. No. - Till you're dead. Yep!

- You had a fall. - I didn't have a fall.

- Welcome to the club. - I'm not in that club.

I'm in a club that goes mountaineering

with young backpackers.

We are elderly men.

We have falls.

You had a fall.

Ohh.

I had my first fall.

- Hey. - Oh, fuck it.

It's okay. It gets easier.

I had one this morning.

Haven't even thought about it.

No movement. Reports all clear from the south. Over.

Car 35, please report.

Car 35. No activity.

Hey, g'day, April. How are you?

Good, thanks, Carol. You?

Oh, a bit dusty, actually. Bit of a big night last night.

Hope you're all right.

Yeah, went out with Anousha, my new partner in Dispatch.

Great! That sounds fun.

Yeah. And fun fact, Anousha's actually Muslim.

Oh, okay. That's good.

Do you have any Muslim friends, April?

Um, I don't think so.

Should probably look into that.

It's a very diverse country we live in.

Yeah, sure.

Actually, I better go. It's time for our tea break.

We do a bit of a, like, little tea ritual.

That sounds lovely.

- Okay. See ya, April. - Okay, see ya!

Oh, God, she sounds miserable.

- Do you think? - Oh, yeah.

She sounded a bit jealous, which is weird,

maybe jealous of us, I don't know.

Anyway, should... should we have a cup of tea?

- Yeah. - We could...

- A tea thing. - You'll have to get the cups down.

- That's still... dead. - Yeah, all right.

Check the East-West on the way through.

Copy. Circling East-West.

The most annoying thing happened today

when I was waiting at the station.

Am I supposed to prompt you now?

Yeah, if you... if you want.

Okay.

What happened?

Well, thanks for asking.

So I'm waiting at the bus stop, all right?

You know, I often like to catch the bus

'cause it gives me a bit of a thrill, a bit of a buzz.

I often put my badge on the outside to, uh...

give the punters a bit of a buzz as well.

They like to see the force moving amongst them.

Okay. Great story.

- No, there's more. - Is there?

Yeah. That was just the set-up.

That was just... just whetting your appetite for more.

So I'm at the bus stop, okay, you know, waiting for a bus.

And it was clear, obvious, I was waiting,

'cause I'm just standing there, waiting,

and... and a million buses go by.

You know, some of them were full and others could have been expresses,

but... it's just so annoying.

Oh, so that's it? That's...

That's the whole story?

Yeah, pretty much.

I mean, I moved through the middle bit a bit quick

just because I could see that you weren't enjoying it as much.

I was just reading my audience there.

Yeah, I don't know why I'm engaged with this,

but, you know, a million buses didn't go by.

Well...

You know, maybe not a million.

I was just exaggerating that bit for... for the effect of the story.

- Yeah, but it ruins the story. - Oh, I don't know.

I think storytelling is a fine art, and the power of exaggeration

is one of the tools of the storyteller.

No, no, it renders the story meaningless

because no one has ever experienced that.

A million buses gone by? I don't even know what that would be like!

How many buses actually went by?

- Three. - Three. Three buses.

- Four? - Okay, let's keep it at three.

Three buses went by. That I understand.

Now I'm on your side. I can imagine what that would be like, okay?

First bus goes by, and you are like, "Motherfucker!"

Yeah! It's frustrating.

- Boy, is it! - When you're waiting.

Yeah! Then the second bus goes by.

And you're, like, "Oh, fuck!"

"Fuck me! What the fuck is going on?!"

Yes. I didn't use that language, but I see where you're going.

Then the third bus goes by. Ooh, the third.

- And you are like, "Fuck my shit!" - Ahh...

"Fuck my fucking shit!"

"Right, that's it, I am ringing the motherfucking bus company.

"Come on! Yeah, pick up! Come on, you pick up!

"Hello? Don't put me on hold!"

"Don't you put me on hold, you motherfucks! You're fucked!"

See, I can imagine what that is like.

You know, you've replaced hyperbole for actual detail,

so now you've engaged me.

Now I'm feeling annoyed.

I feel all that, the frustration, the anger, the annoyance.

I'm feeling very, very, very, very, very annoyed.

All right.

That's so good, about you and Gwen.

Oh, yeah, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Just wanted to say that. - It's cool.

Yeah, feels good. Good decision, you know? Feels strong.

- I'm part of her support crew. - Totally.

I mean, we had a little spark,

but... I mean, we obviously just didn't take off.

And you've found that, though, with somebody else, and that's great.

You thought we had a spark?

Yeah. Didn't you?

- Yeah, I did. - Yeah.

- Just, like, a little one. - A little one. Totally.

But it's, like... It's so good that you're gonna marry Gwen.

- That's really cool. - Oh, yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah, it's definitely good.

Oh, it's the best. Definitely. I mean, I haven't asked her yet.

- Oh, you... Oh, yeah, sure. - No, no. But everything's good.

It's good, yeah.

Mmm.

It's funny, when I saw your name on the roster list,

I was, like, "Oh, yeah, April."

- Wow, yeah. - April Mayhew.

My heart definitely skipped a little beat when I saw your name there too.

Really?

We shouldn't do this. We shouldn't do it at work.

No. Mmm!

That's a real shame, Betty.

We really could've been something.

Shit!

Uh, car 35? Car 35, Hendy, come in. Come in, Hendy.

Not now, not now. Over.

No, this... this one's important.

Negative. Shut up, go away. Over and out.

Hendy. Car 35...

Car 35, come in.

I've been wanting to do this for so long.

- Since you saw my arse at the beach? - I didn't see your arse at the beach!

Since you were looking at my...

No, I didn't. Okay, maybe I did. Maybe I did.

Since you took a photo of it?

I didn't take a photo! I didn't take a photo.

- Oh, maybe one. - Just one?

- Oh, just the one. - Just one?

- Just one. Just one! - You took one photo.

- Yeah, I did. - I'm good.

You're Fat Tegan!

Yes. Yep.

Rainer? Rainer?

Rai... Oh, shit!

Car 35, Hendy?

Uh, Hendy, this is Stokes. Come in, Hendy.

Hendy, we have an emergency here! Rainer!

Come on, old man, wake up!

Oh, shit, I need some air.

Oh. Fuck!

Help!

Fuck.

Help!

He loved furniture.

He would often discuss the grain of a fine wood in great detail.

Okay, sorry to interrupt,

how certain are we that this is a strong lead

and we're not just completely wasting our time?

- Gavin from Intelligence... - There's an oxymoron.

Gavin from Intelligence is a dickhead and he's right about 35% of the time.

- True. - But go on.

- Let's look on the bright side. - Okay.

He assures me that Elizabeth Doolan...

Betty.

that the last-known ping from her phone...

Tinder account.

has been triangulated to this location.

- And you want to get your end away. - No, no. I wanna solve a case.

Yeah, you wanna solve a case in your pants.

- This... Mm. - Just so we're clear.

What we're doing here is a waste of my time but maybe not yours

'cause what's going on here is more dick work than detective work.

Not more dick work than detective work.

No? How much dick work to detective work, do you think?

I... 50/50.

- 50 dick, 50 detective? - No...

I'd say 90 dick, 10 detective.

- I'd say 60 detective, 30... 40 dick. - I'd say 72 dick, 28 detective.

- All right. Can I continue on? - Yeah, fine.

- He loved furniture. - Sorry, what am I listening to?

This is... this is the eulogy for Rainer.

This is a eulogy for Rainer?

Yeah, I'm gonna speak at his funeral.

- Why? - Well, because I...

- You spent one shift with the guy. - Yeah.

I was the last person to be with him.

Has anyone actually asked you to speak?

Well... No, not exactly.

But I'm not gonna bother the family at the moment.

They're going through extreme grief.

You know, I'm just gonna give this

as an offering on the day and see how we go.

- Okay. - Can I... Do you mind if I...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, please. - Right. Thank you.

Let's hear it.

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Detective Stokes.

Rainer was the... the best partner a cop could ever have.

- Oh, fuck off. - What?

- That looks good for me, doesn't it? - Well...

What are you getting so worked up...

You said he's the best partner you've ever had.

I've been your partner for over 10 years.

As soon as you say that, anyone who knows us is gonna go,

"Oh, oh, Hendy must be a shithead."

- He's dead. - He's the dead winner.

Yeah, you can't compete with the dead.

You don't have to speak highly of the dead.

You make the living look like a fuck stick.

He died on the job, literally in my arms.

You've made me look like a dickhead.

You've put us in the same stable and gone,

"You're the good one, you're the shit one," I'm the shit one.

These qualities that you're, like, demonstrating now, all right,

these are qualities that Rainer never had.

Oh, no, he was the best partner you could ever have.

He was the best partner a cop could have.

Can I just speak at his fucking funeral or what?

That mandolin is, uh...

it's out of tune just a little.

Hmm.

What?

Beautiful, isn't it? Beautiful thing.

Oh, well...

Nah, it was good. It was fine.

You didn't sound real sincere, mate.

Look, yeah...

- I mean, don't say it if... - Nah.

If you don't mean it, it's best not to say it, you know.

That's what I think anyway.

Look, I've just, uh... gotta be honest.

I'm not a massive fan of the banjo.

No, neither am I, mate. That's a mandolin.

Oh.

Well, I'm not a massive fan of the mandolin.

Nah, didn't realise it was such a let-down.

You know, here I was just trying to...

Look, it's good. Every man has his passion.

And you... It's, you know... You're a fiddler.

You're a minstrel. It's your passion.

It's your craft.

It's, you know, what floats your boat.

- Yeah. - Good on ya.

Look, I'm all for it. I'm all for a man pursuing his passions.

It's all right, mate. Don't worry.

I won't do it no more. I didn't realise that it'd be upsetting or...

It doesn't upset me. Don't get me wrong.

I just don't, you know...

It just kind of falls on deaf ears.

For me, you're strumming away on that thing

and I'm thinking who's gonna be fullback for the next Origin match.

Or... I'm trying to remember how many different types of apples there are.

- I don't... - It's a pretty boring job.

Thought I might break up the monotony but, you know, don't wanna...

don't wanna upset your fucking count-the-apple cart, mate.

Nah, nah, nah. Look.

- You know what your problem is? - What's that?

You've got this artistic kind of skin

but you're kind of afraid to admit it.

You think everyone's wankers and hoity-toity

and, you know, you're wandering around,

a minstrel, with your musical instruments.

You appreciate your art on your walls.

You know, I... Look, to me, they're just pictures.

To me, that's just noise. I don't get it.

No, they're just pictures to me on a fucking wall, mate.

I'm just trying to make a bob, mate. That's all.

It's fine. Whatever floats your boat. I don't mind.

- You should do what you want. - I do what you want.

But I'm not into that shit, so... I mean, I just...

Don't worry. I won't fucking play anymore.

You play as much as you like, mate.

I just... I can't force myself to hear it.

- I don't want you to. - I can't hear it.

- You won't hear it. - I can't hear it.

- You won't hear it. You won't. - Well, I can't.

You remember our first date?

- At the opera? - Mmm.

And remember that guy who tried to take my handbag in the car park?

- Yes. - And you beat him up.

I chased him, beat him up.

I wanted to take him to the hospital

and you just wanted to leave him in the street.

Yeah, I think I beat him up until he was unconscious in the end.

What if I told you

that... I set up that whole thing

and that the scary robber

was actually my old school chum Gregory Villers.

What if I told you that I knew that?

You did not know that. You didn't!

How... When? How long have you known that?

Well, you weren't really punching him, darling.

You were just sort of swinging and making those noises,

like, "Ksssh! Kssh! Kssh!"

It was clearly pretty obvious nothing was happening.

Why didn't you say something at the time?

I've always been attracted to dishonest men.

I thought it was quite endearing.

Wow. I was so sure I had fooled you.

I thought... I thought I really had... had you quite impressed by that.

I was. In my own way.

It was quite a magical... magical night, wasn't it?

"La Traviata".

- "La Traviata"? - Mmm.

That was the opera we saw that night. "La Traviata".

No. No, no, no. It wasn't. No, it was...

It was Verdi, but it was "Rigoletto", not "La Traviata".

No, no, no. It was... I'm absolutely positive it was "La Traviata".

You can be positive, darling, but you're also wrong.

It was... it was "Rigoletto".

It was absolutely 100% "La Traviata".

No, no. 1,000% it was "Rigoletto".

We had a conversation about going to Paris because of the party scene.

- Darling, that was years later. - We did.

- It wasn't! It was that night. - I think I would know...

I think I would know. You know what?

- I think I would know. - Which opera we saw.

I'm getting people to fake robbing people...

Oh, darling. My memory is way better than yours.

Shut up!

Mate, do you have to yell?

Okay. Just go down and tell 'em quietly.

City clear. Reports to focus west. Over.

Oh, well done. Good on you, little buddy.

All right, mate. Goodnight.

I actually really get Lachy.

- Do you? - Yeah.

Yeah, he's a great kid.

Yeah. Good kids, you know, mess around.

- Exactly. - Totally. I was the same.

- Yeah? - Just, like, running amok.

- That's Lachy. - Yeah.

I used to ride my bike heaps as a kid.

- Yeah. - Yeah. Came off it.

- Yep. - It was two or three days, I was out.

You know, and they said it was probably nothing.

But, like, I knew. Kind of low-level... low-level brain damage.

And, yeah, like, it just changes you.

It's like... it puts you on a different plane, you know.

Now I can just see it in other people.

Like, I just recognise it straight away.

Sorry, Lachy hasn't got brain damage.

I'm sorry you fell off your bike, but that's never happened to Lachy.

- So... - Sorry. Sorry.

I just thought something must have happened.

There was one thing.

There was a malfunction with the remote control for the garage door.

It came down on Lachy's head.

And then I was trying to, like, get it off,

but it kept malfunctioning

so every time I pressed the button, it's just...

Oh, and when he was eight, he tried to do, like, an inward somersault

and hit the back of his head on the diving board.

Mmm.

But that was a long time ago, that stuff. That's...

And last Easter, we went camping and he flipped the fry pan.

He had the pancakes, but he let go of the whole thing

and the pan... the fry pan came...

- Down on his... head. - On his head.

Car 72, now positioned in western locale.

Currently nothing. Hold.

Car 72, please report. Car 72.

Car 72. No activity.

- Hendy. - Go ahead.

Just a heads-up, I've seen your name on some IA mail

coming through Dispatch, so keep your eyes open.

No worries. Thanks for that, Carol. 72 out.

- What's that about? - Dunno.

- Internal Affairs. - No. I mean, well, yeah.

Could just be them wanting to talk to me about another cop.

- Another cop? - Probably.

- Yeah, like who? - I dunno.

- No? - No, I don't know.

It could be something to do with the raid, maybe there's something...

The raid that happened, like, a long, long time ago?

- Yeah, I don't know. - That's completely sorted out?

I don't have a crystal ball.

Wouldn't be anything to do with April, would it?

No.

You know, up to your last shift and everything.

No. Oh, did we... Oh, yeah, oh, nah.

Yeah. I mean, nothing... It didn't get weird or anything like that?

You know, with her dad's big dick and everything?

No. Oh, God, no. No, no, no, no.

So just to be 100% clear here,

nothing happened with April?

Nup.

- She entrapped me. - Oh...

We were in the car, and I don't even know why she was here

because she's not even really a detective really,

and then suddenly we're making out and... and... and... she's making me

admit to things and admit to feelings that I don't have,

'cause I'm not even into her at all.

I'm into Gwen. Like, I love Gwen, I'm completely committed to her.

And I love that she's an ultra-marathon runner

and she's opened up a whole new world to me.

I love being her support crew and getting fruit and nut bars for her

and getting bananas and finding out what she eats and...

It's an ultra marathon. She's an ultra-marathon runner.

And that's life. Life is an ultra marathon.

And I'm completely in love with her,

to be honest, and I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

- What? - Yeah. Decided.

- No. - Yeah, definitely.

- No. - She's the one, man.

- No. You don't have to... - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- No, no. I don't have to. - Think about it.

- I've been meaning to tell you. - Sleep on it.

- I want you to be the best man. - Ahhh.

- Will you be my best man? - Ah...

- Let's leave that for another day. - Yes? Say yes. Come on.

- You've gotta be my best man. - Ah...

- Yes? Okay. Okay. - Oh... I'll think about it overnight.

- Maybe you should think about it too. - I'm gonna do it now.

- Don't do it now. No. - No, no. Do it now.

She'll never expect it now. She'll never expect it.

And she... Will you... Will you just...

I'm asking her to marry me.

She's asleep.

Hey, baby. It's me.

I know. I'm sorry. I know, I know, it's close to alarm time.

But, um, I just wanted to call you and say

that I am totally committed to you and you're the one for me.

And will you marry me?

- Gwenny? - Oh, no.

Darling, I've never even seen "Rigolette".

You have seen it. You were sitting next to me. "'Rigolette'"?

- Darling, it was "La Traviata". - It's "Rigoletto".

- No, darling. - I've never seen it in my life.

- I have never seen "La Traviata". - "Le Traviata".

- Oh, "Le Traviata". - "Le Traviata".

You're giving me... you're giving me lessons now on how to speak.

- "Le Traviata". "Le Traviata". - Oh. "Le Traviata".

- Lovely accent, darling. - Darling.

If you want to keep arguing about this, that is fine with me.

- Oh, completely. - Fine with me.

Oh, it's completely fine with me, darling. I could do this all day.

Oh. I could do this all year.

You don't know how much I love doing this.

I love that you don't know how much I love doing this.

You have no idea how much I love this.

Darling, I love that you think you love this more than I do

because you will never even know how much I love this.

Really? I will never know how much you love this?

Well, you will never know how much I love you.

And I love that you will never know it

because I will never, ever show it.

Oh, you'll never show it?

Darling, I have so much love for you, you've got no idea.

Darling, you have only just seen the tip of the iceberg

of the love I have for you.

I have got so much love buried so deep inside.

And you will never see it.

You will never see it, and it would make you so happy.

That's the funny part about all this.

It would make you so happy, and you're never gonna see it.

If you knew the enormity of the love I have for you,

you would beg me to show it.

But you won't, and even if you did, it wouldn't matter

because I would never show you.

Not in a million years.

I'd rather you died not knowing how much I love you.

That is how much I love not showing you how much I actually love you.

What's going on with that package, boss?

That fucking package isn't what I ordered. Not happy.

Mate. Mate. Wake up, wake up, wake up.

Okay.

This is a bullshit deal. This don't smell right.

This is all wrong. You know me, mate. I've got a nose for it. Listen up.

Here's how it runs. That little prick downstairs.

- Yeah? - Got his gold Amex card.

Here's the plan, right?

Let's half untie 'em, okay?

Who cares? They'll be away in a couple of days.

We'll leave 'em some bananas, some tucker,

something like that to eat, right?

His gold Amex card. I've got the PIN, everything's flush.

Probably about 20 grand we can pull from that thing in a minute.

- Yeah, right. - You like it?

- Yeah, yeah, very good. - Is this sounding good?

- Very good. - Now here's my idea.

A food truck, right?

What's a food truck?

A truck... truck with food in it.

- Sounds like an art cafe on wheels. - No. No.

- Not an art cafe. - I don't wanna do any more baking.

I'm sick of the croissants and the scrolls and Danishes.

You know the trouble that got us into last time.

- No baking. No baking. - I don't... I don't...

- Raw food. - What?

- Raw food. - What do you mean? Like carrots?

Easy shit. Like spirulina balls, you know. Nut bars, you know.

You know, chawa-chawa rolls.

Pumpkin seed things and...

Just don't have to cook it. It's easy shit. Easy shit.

We could also pick up a potential double job.

Let's say we go do a... Let's say we do a kidnapping in Brisbane.

Think about this. We're driving up the coast.

"Ooh, Port Macquarie." Boom, boom, boom, boom. Pull in.

On the beach. Lots of people on the beach. Nice summer's day.

Oh, they're all hungry. All of a sudden, pffft, truck opens up.

"Oh, like a smoothie? Like a juice? Or a little kale salad?"

"Little, you know, kale soup?

"Or, you know, a kale wasabi roll," you know?

Lot of kale.

What do you think?

Just, there's no one I'd wanna do it with other than you.

Western locale holding. No sign yet.

Yep.

Well, I-I don't agree.

I don't think he would have gone near your thermos.

So...

Okay, fine.

Yep.

Have a good life.

Everything okay?

That was Beau. We're not... Um...

He's moving out.

He's...

He just thinks Lachy's done something to his thermos.

Something... He wanted me to choose between him and Lachy.

What sort of a man does that?

He just...

Anyway, so... It's done.

Sorry, Carol.

Yeah.

I've got you something.

I was gonna wait but...

Oh! Are they for me?

No.

Oh.

They're for Caroller.

Oh!

Oh, that's awesome.

Thank you.

That's... that's very generous.

- Oh, it's second-hand. - Yeah.

- Yeah. You know Linda? - Yeah.

- Did her back. - Oh.

- Neck as well. - Oh, so she's out?

- Yeah. - So you're... you're down one?

- Oh, we've got some reserves, but... - I'm happy to...

- You could come to training. Yeah. - Yeah?

Yeah, I'll bring Lachy to training.

- Oh, yeah, all right. - He'll love it.

Yeah, but can you tell Susanna, the tall blonde one,

just to not look anywhere near him.

Oh, that's great. Thank you.

No worries.

Why did you let me do that?

You know how grumpy she gets when she gets woken up.

Why didn't you remind me of all that?

She gets so angry, it was never gonna go well.

- Who proposes on the phone? - No one.

- No one. - Bad idea.

I'd like an apology.

- Well deserved, I'd say. - From you.

- Sorry. - It's okay.

Thank you.

I'll still be your best man when it happens.

Thanks, mate.

You know what? I think she's in there.

- Betty? - Betty.

At gunpoint.

And she's tied up and you and I are the ones

to go in there and bust her out.

Oh, no. You even said yourself, Gavin from Intelligence...

No. Gavin from In-telligence.

- Not very... Only 30%. - Come on. I've got a hunch.

Hunches. You tell me, "Don't trust my hunches."

Don't trust your hunches. Trust my hunches.

And I've got a hunch that she's in there waiting to be rescued.

- Let her wait for now. - You know what?

And I'm sick of just waiting and sitting around.

Because you know something? We need a win.

- Well, we need a warrant. - That's loser talk.

- That's legal. - And you know what?

Ah, Dispatch, this is car 72. We have activity and are moving in. Over.

No. No, car 72. Don't move in. Car 7...

- Now that's done. - That did happen.

- Okay. How do you feel about this? - I feel scared.

Yeah? You should feel scared because you should feel different.

Because now we're winners, we're no longer losers.

I don't mind being down the bottom rung.

We've been down the bottom too long.

- Now it's our time to shine. - This is comfortable.

- Are you to ready to shine? - If we screw this up, we are done.

Security guards at McDonald's.

Okay. But if we get it right, what's gonna happen?

- Phhh. I don't know. - What's gonna happen?

We're gonna go in there, Betty is gonna look up and go,

"Oh, my God. Are you Stokes from Tinder?"

- We haven't even had a date. - This will be your first date.

- You know what this is? - What?

This is a legacy moment.

- This is my dynasty, is it? - This is your dynasty moment.

This is where I start my own family tree.

Yeah. This is the moment.

Spread my seed and create my own army.

Shoot your seed down a whole generation.

- The throats of the generation. - Come over the mountain-top like...

- Like Sean Connery. - I'm Sean Connery.

- Now let's do this. - Let's do it.

- Are you ready? - Yes!

- You with me or without me? - I don't like being without you.

- Okay. Good. Get your gun. - No, hang on. Just to clarify.

- Yeah. - It's not about Gwen, is it?

No. Not about Gwen. It's about you and me.

- It's about us. - Okay, get your gun.

- All right. Yeah. - Ready, let's do it.

One, two, three.

- Hendy. - Yeah.

- I'm glad she said no, mate. - Yeah, I know.

- You're worth more than that. - Thanks, mate. Thank you, thanks.

- If I was a single girl... - You're not a single girl. Shush.

- Okay. Hey, Hendy. - Yeah.

- Hendy, just one thing. - Yeah, yeah?

You know that night we had that fondue party at your house?

- Yep. - Yeah? And you went to the bathroom?

- Yes, yes, yes? - I think Gwen tried to hit on me.

- No, she didn't. - I'm sorry I didn't tell you.

No, she would... Okay. All right. I'm not... Okay.

Can we talk about this later? We'll talk about it later.

- I'm not angry, I'm not angry. - Thank you.

- It's not about April, is it? - No, it's not about fucking April.

- It's about you and me, all right? - It's about us.

- Look out for a dog, eh? - Yeah.

Okay, ready? One, two, three.

No, no, no. Somewhere else.

I mean, if she kicks you out, mate, maybe we could shack up together?

No, no. What?

- Ah, eagle. - Shush.

- I'll hold your gun. - No, come on.

- Oh. - Hold my gun.

- No. Don't point it... - Okay, wait up.

I'm down, I'm down.

- Okay. Shush, shush. - I'm stuck.

Oh, fuck. Okay. Okay. Go.

Okay. You with me? You with me? You with me?

Okay. You with me?

Okay.

You... Okay. You with me? Okay.

You with me?

- It's clear? - Clear.

- Okay. - There's no one here.

It's clear.

What the...

Ready? Okay.

Argh! Argh!

Get back here.

- Sorry. Shit. Sorry. - Sorry.

- Fuckin'... - Jesus... Christ.

That's bloody lovely, isn't it?

- Is that Betty? - Yeah, that's Betty.

That's good. That's good.

It's just like... It's like cheating.

It's not cheating, mate. I think that's her husband.

- Still hurts. - Well, that's modern dating.

Fucking live with it.

- Fuck. - So... I guess we're both single.

- Looks like it, yeah. - Oh, darling.

- Couple of bachelors. - Mm-hm.

Oh! Oh, darling.

- Maybe... - We're not gonna live together.

- Oh, come on. - I'm not moving in.

- Think of the money we'd save. - No, I've thought about it.

- We could car pool. - Our life is a car pool.

Our life is a car pool.

When we got home, we wouldn't wake each other up.

Could you hurry up in there, please?

Trial basis.

- Flatties? - Trial flatties.

- Yes. - Don't smile.

- Sorry. - Oh, darling. Darling!

- I do a great eggs benny. - Darling! Darling!

- Oh, yes. Yes! - Darling! Darling!

- Oh, yes. - No, I'm better than that.

Darling. Oh, darling!

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