Original subtitles

- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -

Yeah, really well, I think.

We're kind of in that stage in our relationship

where I finally stopped getting the runs

every time we speak, so...

And have you, you know, stormed her castle?

Oh, well, you know, a gentleman never tells.

Wait. She's a guy?

Boardroom. Now.

OK. I'll cut to the chase.

As of 20 minutes ago,

Mary's cover as a triple agent has been blown.

- Oh, no. - How many times?

Do we know if the Russians

managed to rebuild Eternal Blue?

Yes, but with the false information

provided by Mary, it started destroying itself.

- Surely that's a good thing. - Not quite.

Now they're demanding we give up the original creator

of the weapon, or they'll kill Mary's mum.

- But that's me. - Exactly.

- That's Mum. - Shh. Hold on.

Are you saying that you're prepared

to sell me out just to keep some random old lady alive?

She still does Hot Zumba every Wednesday.

Oh, does she?

Please don't take it personally.

I'd do the same for anyone.

But, Chrissie, do you really want to toss me off like this?

It's not up to you, and it's not up to me.

This comes directly from the top,

and sometimes sacrifices have to be made.

When it comes to a choice between risking a civilian life

versus an agent's life, we have to...

Consider the age of the civilian.

Surely you can't just throw me under a bus like this.

No one is suggesting we throw you under a bus,

more that there might be a bus heading your way.

Well, fine.

Then what's stopping me from, you know, jumping on that bus

and... I don't know... eloping with Tuva?

- Me. - Fine.

Then I'll elope alone.

Does that still count as elope?

- No. - You know what?

This is bullshit. Do I not even get a choice?

Of course you get a choice.

One the one hand, you can capitulate,

or you can run away from all this,

putting a civilian life in imminent danger

while simultaneously ending your career

and giving me no better reason now to go public

with the NSA scandal for good measure.

By the way, let's keep this on the lowdown.

The fewer people that know about all this, the better.

- Know about what? - Nothing.

Oh, my God, are you guys organizing

a surprise birthday party for me?

No, of course not.

Oh, God.

Way to go, Mary.

Oh, Jerry, I just wanted to check you're OK.

Yeah.

Oh, dear.

Want me to get the blinds?

You don't know?

I mean, I could go get you something to eat.

- Is there anything... - I don't know.

We can get married again if you like.

- No! - No. Oh, yeah.

Oh, I just wanted to see how...

You must be feeling awful.

I just keep thinking about everything they're doing

to that poor, old woman.

God, I wish she was dead,

you know, and then I may be next.

Yeah. Well, yeah.

I'm just trying to focus on the positives.

Well, you have to, really, don't you?

Just wonder what they are.

I don't know, maybe, you know, pick up a bit of Russian?

Yeah. Yeah.

- Everything OK? - Yeah.

- Oh, good. - Oh, I don't know.

Part of me just thinks none of this

would've, you know, even happened

if I'd have done what you asked in the first place

and just got the location data off of Charlotte.

- You know what I mean? - No, buddy.

You can't blame yourself for any of that...

Thanks, man.

Although now that you've said it out loud,

I totally agree.

I'm sure you'll be fine. I mean, listen.

If anyone's gonna get through all this, it's you.

Yeah. Cool.

At least you'll go down in history a hero.

- Yay. - Yeah.

See, between us, I'm just really not keen

on the whole being-tortured thing.

I'm assuming that you got quite a high pain threshold...

Oh, no. I do.

Because you were shot, weren't you?

No.

Yeah. You were. You showed me.

It was one of the first things that you showed, like...

Oh, Yeah. No. Right. Sorry. That. Yeah. No.

Sometimes I forget how shot I was.

Well, there you go.

I can't imagine it's much worse than that.

Listen, Jerry.

Would it help if we just did a little bit of practice?

Like torture practice?

Yeah, I mean, just so you're prepared,

even if we start with something really basic.

Yeah, if we start out with something, like, super small.

Completely.

Morning.

What the fuck?

Jerry, don't worry about it.

Just think of it as a dress rehearsal.

It's gonna be OK, so, Quentin, just out of interest,

if you were to get an electric shock from one of these,

how much would it hurt?

Um, it would depend on how wet your body was.

OK. That's good.

Have you ever had an electric shock from one of these?

Yes, but I'm always wet. Right.

OK. That'll be all. Thanks, Quentin.

- You want me to... - Yes, please.

OK. Don't worry.

I'm sure you'll be able to handle it, OK? It's just...

OK, so I think the key thing here

is that we have a safe word so that you know when to stop.

What about "coconut"?

No. I think it has to be a word

that I don't usually use.

"Please?"

What are you... What are you doing?

Just wait for me.

- Should we do my thumbs? - Yeah, or your nipples.

We'll do my thumbs, OK? No wait for me.

I'm waiting, Jerry.

OK.

Go for it. You know what?

- You want me to do your nipples. - No.

I think we should build up to this by maybe...

How do you feel about slapping me around a bit?

- With the battery? - No. What? No. I mean...

You know, even better, I think we should start with you.

- No. - Yeah.

- No. - Yeah.

- No. - Yes!

Because I need to see how much it hurts first.

Well, I'm guessing somewhere

between, like, a bee sting or a shark attack.

If you... OK. You know what?

I think we're just gonna have to find another way.

- I'm so sorr... - Wait! Aah!

Why did you... What was that sound?

- I don't know. - That was super scary.

Oh, my God, no. Oh, did I get you?

- No. - OK.

- What are you doing? Stop. - Well, you have to say...

No! Coconut, motherfucker!

Coconut! Coconut!

Shall I come back later?

Yeah. OK.

Yeah. We got to find a better plan.

Oh, God, yeah.

Maybe we should talk to Mary about it.

Damn straight. This is her fucking fault.

Wanted to see me?

Mary, yes. Hi. Come. Please sit down.

Oh, are you OK? Oh.

Gosh.

I'll have that chair removed.

Don't think I've ever been in here on my own.

No. There's a reason for that.

- What do you mean? - Doesn't matter.

I love your tops.

Oh, thank you.

So I just wanted to check in with you.

Oh, my God, this must be so hard.

Being in here?

No. I mean, having to choose between your mom and me.

Oh, God, I mean, if it were me, I would just be feeling

so guilty and personally responsible right now.

I'm just trying not to think about it.

Yeah. No. That's probably for the best.

I mean, the things they're doing to your mom right now are just...

unimaginable.

Gosh.

Oh. Don't look. Christine's watching us.

No. Don't wave. Pretend to be upset.

OK, so...

No. She's back.

Oh, Mary, no. It... Yeah. She's gone.

Anyway, all this got me thinking.

As useful as it is to GCHQ for me to trade places with her,

I mean, wouldn't it be easier on you

if we just took her out of the equation altogether?

You want me to shoot her?

Well, no. I mean, I just meant extract her,

but, I mean, that's up to you.

See, if we could just take away their leverage

and at the same time avoid putting me

in any kind of physical jeopardy,

I mean, truly, that's a win-win, right?

- For me? - Yes, for me... for you, yes,

for all of us.

Mary, do you really want to be responsible

for keeping her there longer than necessary?

Guess I was just enjoying being home

without getting bitten all the time.

Now we just need to find out where she is.

Oh, I know exactly where she is.

I don't understand.

How long have you known where she is?

About a week now.

I managed to hack into GCHQ Bude's server.

- Does Chris know? - Yes.

We used a written matrix and 12 coaxial trace algorithms.

Yeah. No. That's what I would have done.

- So is she in Russia? - No.

The food was giving her a bubbly tummy,

so they moved her somewhere more local.

But the main thing is...

But the main thing is that we're all in agreement.

We're getting her back, right? She's not that far.

But what do we tell Chris?

Can't we just say that they found your mom

too annoying and just gave her back?

I mean, she is quite annoying.

No. They'd just chop her head off.

- Really? - Yeah. That's what I'd do.

Look. We can figure out what, exactly, we tell Chris

after we get her back.

Right now, I just need to know, are you in?

- Yeah. - Yes. Yes.

- What's going on? - Uh, nothing. It's a surprise.

Is it something to do with my birthday again?

- Yes. - Yeah.

- Yes. - Yeah.

Actually, we're just trying to choose a present.

Oh, my God, guys, thank you.

Maybe we should get her a cake or something.

Fuck that.

How do you want to secretly extract her?

Two words... brute force.

Is it a car?

Right. Hello.

What the hell are you doing?

What if someone sees you?

Well, it's fine. I'm wearing camouflage paint.

But that won't work in here,

and with your coloring, you can barely see it.

You think I should've gone darker?

They wouldn't let me try any more on in the shop.

They said it was disrespectful.

- * Morning * - Shh shh.

Oh.

So where, exactly, are they holding her, then?

Not far, Brize Norton.

Oh, where Crocodiles of the World is.

You guys have crocodiles over here?

They do in Brize Norton. Yeah.

- What time are we going in? - Immediately.

I want to be in and out before Chris arrives.

Well, obviously not driving.

I don't have a lice... Well, I can't drive.

You guys know we're not actually going in ourselves, right?

Oh. How, then?

I got us a combat drone.

All right. Seriously, no one puts troops on the ground anymore.

It's just not very woke.

So where did you get a combat drone on such short notice?

I borrowed it from a buddy of mine.

Don't worry about it. He owed me a favor.

Why? What did you do?

I sang at his son's bar mitzvah.

- It doesn't matter. - So he lent you a drone?

Yeah, yeah. We've always had that kind of relationship.

- Can I meet him? - No. He's agoraphobic.

Was that tricky at his bar mitzvah?

No. It was just the two of us.

Oh, there wasn't even a rabbi?

No. He's actually a rabbi, as well.

- He was a rabbi at 13? - OK. Fine.

I helped him kill Osama Bin Laden. Happy?

- Cool. - OK.

Joseph, you're on pitch and roll, OK?

You know what they are, right?

Pitch and roll, yeah, as in the hokey cokey.

OK, Mary. I need you on speed.

- Gosh, really? - Yeah.

All right, Tuva. You're next to me.

Now, Tuva and I will navigate, OK, and we're all...

Hey, guys, we're gonna work in synch, OK,

but basically, just do what I say, OK?

So where is it now?

It's just behind my hotel,

hidden next to the crematorium.

- Is it big? - It is.

I think it could cremate up to 100 people at a time.

It's not doing anything.

Yeah. We're not in the air yet.

Can you please stop doing that?

Yep, yep.

OK. Now, I'm gonna take north-south.

Are you happy doing east-west?

Because I just thought that would come more naturally to you.

- Why? - I don't know.

You just have that look about you.

Mary, do you want to take us up now slowly?

Pull back on the stick.

Nice. There you go. That's a thing of beauty.

Is that your hotel?

No. That's the crematorium.

- Oh, it looks nice. - Right?

OK, Tuva.

Now two degrees to the east, and, Joseph slowly...

- Yep. - bank right.

OK. Uh-huh.

All right. Now I want you to pitch forward, Joseph.

Slowly pitch forward. Let's get some speed up, Mary.

What kind of speed should we be aiming for?

Flying a drone is a bit like having sex.

You don't want to start off too fast,

or you'll have nowhere to go.

I'm a bit like that.

You just want to keep going at a steady pace,

find your rhythm, no sudden movements, or...

Or he whole thing will end in tears.

Or the whole thing will end in...

Come on. It wasn't that bad.

We got to be getting close here, but...

Oh, Jesus, fuck.

Sorry. I think it's nerves.

No. Chris just walked up.

OK, Mary. You're gonna have to form a distraction.

- What do I do? - I don't know. Go.

Go improvise. Tuva, go with her.

- OK, but don't let go. - Let go?

- No. Don't let go. - Which one?

Both. What are you... Both of them.

- Jerry... - What are you doing?

- Jerry, Jerry... - Don't talk to me.

I know what I'm doing.

Morning, Chris. You're in early.

What's going on? Why are you here?

Oh, I'm just doing some last-minute choir practice.

They keep making me reaudition.

- Dressed like that? - Yes.

The sticks help me reach the high notes.

- And Tuva? - Vocal coach.

It's 5:00 in the morning.

- Yeah. She's really bad. - Yes. I am.

Oh, you want to hear something?

Oh. Right. Um...

* They tried to make me go to rehab *

* But I won't go, go, go *

This has got to be it. Oh, hey, hey, hey, hang on.

I think we have company.

Oh, good grief, what have they done to her?

What? That's not her.

Right. Sorry. Can they see us?

No. It's like "Call of Duty," OK?

Look. There's a speaker on the drone.

- Are you gonna sing something? - No.

I don't want them connecting me to any of this, OK?

You're gonna do it.

- What would you like me to sing? - Hopefully, nothing, OK?

* Hopefully, nothing *

Please. All you have to do now is...

- OK. We're live. - Hello?

Nope. You have to hold down this button to speak, OK?

- Hello? - What are you...

Just why? Why would you say hello?

- That's too friendly. - Fuck you.

- Will you... OK. OK. - I just didn't know what else to say.

- Can you just... - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just say you know who they are

and you know what they're doing.

You know who they are, and you know what they're...

Stop. Stop. What are you... Stop. OK.

Here... Now they're really coming.

OK, OK. It's on. All right. We'll do it line by line.

Tell them this is GCHQ and this is their last chance.

This is GCHQ, and this is their last chance.

- "Your"! - Your, your. Sorry.

- What is wrong with you? - Sorry.

OK. We have you surrounded.

We have you s... That's clever.

- Shh. - Shh. We have you surrounded.

- Release the hostage. - Release the hostage, or...

What? There is no "or." We have no "or."

Sorry. Hang on. What?

OK. Fine.

Release the hostage, or we'll fire a missile.

Release the hostage, or we'll fire a nuclear missile.

What? Why?

Why would we fire a nuclear missile on home soil?

OK. Scrap that.

* Yes, I've been black, but when I come back *

Yes?

* You will know, know, know *

Understood.

* I ain't got the time *

I'll be sure to let him know. God job.

* They tried to make me go to rehab *

* But I won't go, go... go *

Oh, no. I've got more.

* They call me Mr. Bombastic, semi-fantastic *

But what if they recognize me?

They won't. Don't say...

Chris, hey, no, no, no.

What on Earth do you all think you're playing at?

OK, Chris. I'm gonna be completely honest

with you right now.

I got a combat drone for my birthday

from a buddy of mine...

He's a 13-year-old rabbi.

And we were all just having a play, OK?

Then we started to feel so bad for poor, old Mary's mom,

and so we... Tuva thought,

"Wouldn't it be easier if we just extracted her?"

and we're all like...

Easier on you, you mean,

whilst at the same time jeopardizing

a legitimate rescue mission.

Wait. you were going in after her the whole time?

You mean, you were never intending

to throw me under a bus?

Not that bus, no.

Do you really think I'm that coldhearted?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

If it weren't for the distraction you caused

with the drone, allowing one of our tactical teams

to move in and retrieve her unharmed

along with destroying all of the Russian intel

on Eternal Blue, I would seriously be considering

reporting all of this to Rupert,

who expresses his utmost gratitude

for your quick thinking and innovative approach.

Well, you really should've let us in on the plan all along.

I had Mary in my office.

And risk that information getting out?

Who knows if anyone else here has been compromised?

What, you think there still might be a mole working here?

It can't be me. It was me last time.

You better all go home and get changed.

- Joseph... - Yeah?

A word in my office.

Listen. I've been a bit all over the place

these past few days, but I promise it wont happen again.

- I know... - Good. Thank you.

Thank you for being so understanding all the time.

Because you're fired.

What? No.

No. No. Look. You don't have to do that.

- I do. - No. Listen. I get it.

You know, you're tired. You haven't had breakfast.

I'd be the same if I'd not eaten.

This isn't just about today.

I know, but I bet today didn't help.

No.

It's just been endless, Joseph.

I've tried to warn you so many times.

I know I'm not meant to be dating someone

from GCHQ Bude, but that...

- You've been doing what? - Sorry.

I forgot I wasn't meant to say that.

Anything else you'd like to add?

It's actually going really well.

Either way, my decision's final.

No.

No. No, Chris. I... No.

I'm just begging you, please.

You have till the end of the day.

Surely there must be something that I can do.

I mean...

do you need your shopping getting or anything?

No.

Well, can you at least write me a good reference?

No.

If it was too good, people would wonder why I let you go.

Well, then why don't I just stay?

No.

Please get out.

I'm about to call the Secretary of State.

But I don't think she knows who I am.

Not about you, obviously.

Ohh...

Can you at least tell me everything's gonna be OK?

Everything's going to be OK.

I just don't think it is.

Oh... my God, thanks guys.

Be careful with that.

OK.

- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -