Original subtitles

Being a dog of shorter legs has its challenges.

Can't wear boots. I pee on myself.

But it's nothing compared to the challenge

of living up to my uniform, which I've also peed on.

Honey, am I boring you?

No, no, go on, Elsa.

Is the vest an honor? Yes. A responsibility? Yes.

Now Chico feels left out, so Kevin‐‐

That reminds me. Kevin‐‐

No. Guys, we've got to shake things up.

Does anybody have anything new to share?

Well, Lindsay and I‐‐ Damn it, Shel.

New!

Just looking for something new. [chuckles awkwardly]

This reeks of censorship. Now, Shel‐‐

Lindsay is my everything, and if I'm prohibited

from‐‐I'm storming out.

I'm storming out of here. Walking out right now.

Oh, nobody stop me, 'cause I am out of here.

Leaving in a huff.

Here I'm going. Storming out.

Hate it when he leaves, love to watch him go, right?

[slow electronic music]

Damn.

[upbeat music]

[dogs barking melodically]

♪ ♪

[cats and dogs vocalizing]

♪ ♪

[snoring] Mm.

And how much does the French horn cost?

Uh‐huh. And do you let customers play them or...?

Oh, yeah, of course, of course.

[chuckles]

[object clatters]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[object clatters]

[gasps] Oh, Coyote.

[electronic dance music]

♪ ♪

Whoa.

♪ ♪

[munching]

My garbage. I'm here‐‐me.

[hisses] Oh, you're a raccoon.

Well, you seem disappointed.

Expecting somebody else?

What? No.

You know there's a coyote in the area.

A real sexy, dangerous one, too.

Really? [car passing by]

Did you hear that? What was that?

I'll bite its danglies.

My garbage. Me, mine.

You seem a little anxious. Maybe I can help you with that.

Yeah? How are you gonna help me?

Wow, oh, your paws. They are hands.

Oh, these bad boys? Wow.

So I run a group therapy.

Animals get together and share their struggles.

And I just‐‐I think you would really benefit from it.

What do you get out of this?

I get the satisfaction of helping other animals.

Plus, it's gotten kind of dull

and a feral trash bandit might spice things up.

I'd rather get run over by a Mommy Smusher.

A car? [hisses]

I won't do it. Go away.

Okay, okay. Well, you're in a mood,

but if you change your mind,

we meet in this house right here.

Wait, you're inviting me inside the house

with a door and a shower and a fireplace?

Yes. Let me ask you this.

Who has weird little hands and will be there?

Me.

He seemed so scared, but I reached him.

A wild animal.

It was so thrilling. Don't eat that sock, Chief.

What? No. Eat a what?

This is Jill's, and I‐‐what?

No. Come on.

Anyway, keep talking about your boring thing.

I saw a raccoon. Ooh, which raccoon was it?

I don't know. They all look the same.

Species‐ist. No.

I mean, you know, they all have that mask over their eyes.

Mm‐hmm. Sure.

And, yes, while he may be technically wild,

like a possum or, well, I don't know, like a coyote,

does that mean we cannot form bonds?

Honey. No.

Oh, no. I don't want to smell it.

The raccoon can shake things up.

Exhilarating, right?

He was just sitting there on our trash can,

eating chicken on the bone?

I wish I could eat chicken on the bone.

Well, you can't.

No socks and no chicken on the bone.

The bones will choke you.

That's why Jill feeds us delicious chicken from a can.

We eat it mushed. Yes, we do.

And we love it. Oh.

All right. Now let me smell that paw.

[sniffing] Ooh, disgusting.

I know, right?

I don't hear can opening.

Why? [gags]

What is that smell?

Excuse me? Daddy?

Brett? There have been mistake.

I think you put kitty litter in my food bowl.

Tabitha hates her new food. She'll eat when she's hungry.

Senior food for old cats.

And, you know, I am gangster, you know this.

I'm very beautiful, classy, but step to me, I will cut you.

Are you a cat? [gasps]

Oh, my. Excuse me?

Oh, my mistake. I'm sorry.

Should I be quiet? No, rip into her.

That's what group therapy's about.

If you're hungry, why don't you just go

kill a bird and eat it like a cat?

Whoa, whoa. Shots fired.

I don't know what you're laughing about, piggy.

Apparently this guy went to market and had roast beef.

All right, that's not‐‐

I don't think we need to go there.

I mean, come on, this guy's boinking a shoe.

This guy is boinking his fiancée.

Locking it down! Uh, what?

She may not be the bride that Grandmere dreamt of for me,

but...

[moaning]

Marry me.

I wanted to tell you last session,

but apparently it wasn't new enough for you.

Whoa. Here I thought the thing

with the umbrella would be the biggest freak.

Ha, you are new around here.

Ew. Honey.

This is different. Isn't it?

Our new member has a unique way of communicating.

Provocative, yes?

Slightly intriguing. What, this guy?

Yeah, I'm wild. I'm pretty wild, too, dude.

No collar. No depth perception.

My worms have worms.

Oh, cool. Hey, do you sleep in a house?

Yes, but‐‐ Why, yes.

I would like to dance with you, Catrick Swayze.

I don't think you're asking the right questions.

Tame. So tame.

We may not be wild, but that doesn't mean life's

all kibbles and bits.

I'm constantly shuttled between my mom's condo

and my father's craftsman.

And I'm handled very roughly

by the children in my classroom.

All I heard was you have two homes,

and you're getting a world‐class education.

You complain you don't get touched or fed enough

or touched or fed too much, all while sitting here

on a soft log with winter air in summer!

That's sitting on a couch in air conditioning.

Must be nice.

Bravo. Oh, I like your vim and vigor.

Now, let me ask you something. First response, best response.

Would you be my best man?

What the hell, Shel? Well, that flew by.

That is how you spice things up.

Whoo‐whoo. [giggles]

Hey, man.

What do you want, cat?

Oh, nothing, just, you know, walking on the wild side,

like you are.

Yeah, but you're walking home.

The streets are my home.

Oh, you think I'm not tough?

I ate my brother in the womb.

Who didn't? Uh, my brother.

Listen, you want to go?

Okay, buddy. Let's dance.

[both hiss]

[grunts weakly]

[scoffs] Lame. [shouts]

Oh, my God.

Look, that disgusting raccoon is attacking that cute kitty.

Come here, sweet guy. I'm rescuing you.

What? No, no, no, no.

I'm the wild one. I'm attacking him.

[chuckles]

Activate the phone tree. Don't make me call Linda.

This is bigger than that thing with you and Linda.

[cell phone ringing]

Hello, Jeanie. Don't start.

Denise found a gray male on the street being mauled

by a disgusting raccoon.

I'm on it. Barbara, it's Linda.

Pam, Barbara.

Garrett, it's Pam. Listen‐‐ Alex, It's Garrett.

He's male.

Fran, I would take him, but Pam says you have a slot.

Did Pam say I had a slot?

I do not have a slot. Maybe I could take one more.

Is he hurt? Is he cute? How hurt and cute is he?

No, Fran. That's enough.

I want our life back. I miss our showers.

No, this is a mistake!

I belong to the streets.

[chuckles] [car door closes]

Tell my story!

Who says wild beasts and pets can't coexist, huh?

Prejudiced, small‐minded animals, that's who.

Me? I'm collar blind.

Um, actually, collar blindness

is a counterproductive ideology.

God, I wish I could hold a pen.

I could write a book about this.

I know what this is really about.

What?

Just because I don't fertilize eggs inside my body

doesn't mean I can't do girl talk.

No, I'm just trying to shake the group out of their rut.

I'd like to shake something into my rut.

That's not girl talk.

That's not what your mom said last night.

[chuckles] All right, we're finished here.

Is it wet in here, or is it just me?

Hey. Nothing.

Oh, great. I'm gonna go get in some steps.

And I'll be here acting totally normal.

Phew. That was close.

She's gone. Now eat me already.

I really don't think I should.

I'm just saying I still taste a little bit like foot.

[whining]

[imitates whining]

Ugh, that's what you sound like right now.

Ugh!

I can catch a bird.

I am not 'fraid of little blood.

I am from tigers.

Other animals tremble in fear as I pass.

I am queen of jungle.

I am predator. I am like...

[growling weakly]

[birds chirping]

My prey is in sight.

I am crouching. I'm stalking.

I am stealth.

[grunts]

I climb with all the...

[grunts] Strength of all my...

[grunting] Ancestors

and the enemies that they have...

slaughtered. [grunts]

[panting]

[grunting]

Oh, no, a cat!

Mom, it wants to eat me!

Work it out!

You have any last words, bird?

Cheep‐cheep? [chuckles evilly]

It's getting so close. What am I gonna do?

If only my wings could create downward air pressure and‐‐

Oh, yeah. Bye!

[grunting]

I just humiliated you, and I don't even know

how to chew my own food yet. [yowls]

Or control my bowels.

Ugh.

[baby babbling]

Keep moving, Pug.

Cat adoption.

No fee, no application, no home check.

Just take a cat.

Elsa? Hey!

Elsa! Help.

The Gray One? Is that you?

Why are you dressed like the ghost of an orphan?

And what is in your eye?

It's a marble.

Fran's husband is a glass blower.

Pipe maker‐‐it doesn't matter. You gotta get me out of here.

Pickles, who are you talking to?

Call me Pickles one more time, and I‐‐my eye.

What are you doing in there?

Raccoon and I were really going at it in the street.

The next thing you know, I'm getting rescued.

I've been through hell.

They bathed me. They trimmed my crusties.

Oh, The Gray One.

I have to go! I'm working!

They took my worms!

Oh, well, we seem to have a little more space today.

Don't mind if I do.

[chuckling] Uh‐huh.

Anybody seen The Gray One or Tabitha? No?

Okay, well, let's‐‐I mean, I hope they're okay.

I guess we should just start, right?

Yeah.

Guys. I saw The‐‐Oh.

Today is the day you start on time.

That's interesting,

but I saw The Gray One on Tiny Fruit and Toothpick Street.

Is he okay? No, he's not okay.

Is he, Raccoon?

What? How should I know?

Because you were fighting. We were not fighting.

I was attacking him to make a point,

and then the no‐hair‐bear took him.

A human took him? Why didn't you tell us?

Raccoon, this group is like a family‐‐

a pack or in your case, a gaze.

Yes, yes, I learned the word for a group of raccoons.

Only non‐raccoons use that word.

Here we care for each other.

We take care of each other so that we can live better lives.

Come on, poodle.

Life is just eat, sleep, try to make more animals

by putting the thing in the soft place.

Soft place? Ugh.

And that's it. Every animal for themselves.

You're only acting like this because you aren't used

to being cared for.

We care for you.

I don't. I just want to watch you drink

my filthy bowl water off the floor.

Bubbles! Glug‐glug, bitch.

You don't care about me. You want to tame me.

I'm just a test run for another wild animal.

[gasps] I‐I have‐‐I have no idea

what you're talking about.

Yeah, I know your type‐‐ bored house pet, restless.

You seemed real disappointed the other night

when you saw me.

Who were you hoping to see?

Power vacuum. Okay.

It's time to shine.

[grunts] That's enough.

I think it's time you leave.

Yep, I think you've overstayed

your welcome, friend.

A real Scotty Caan move.

I said get out! Okay.

I'll show myself to the extra‐tiny glass door.

Window. [smooches]

Ugh.

Pew, pew, pew, pew.

[exhaling sharply]

I cannot wait to hear his best‐man speech.

I'm not ready to go.

There is still so much I have not done‐‐

like catch the little red light that dances on the floor

and on the walls sometimes.

You win, little red light.

You win. [siren wails]

[gasps] Red light, you are here?

[grunting]

Oh, my God.

You're beautiful. [meows]

Hey, Devon, you gotta get up here.

She is exquisite.

Saving creatures this gorgeous

makes the risks of our job worthwhile.

These two strippers love me.

Come on, bitch.

Get in the thing. [gasps]

Ah, wet food.

Catch me, Daddy Stelios.

[purrs]

[whining]

♪ Sock, sock, so delicious ♪

♪ Oh, no, no consequences ♪

♪ Eat a sock ♪

Well, I tried.

The Gray One, we're so glad to have you back.

How did you finally get home? They put me up for adoption.

Folks, our stray of day today is Pickles.

Uh, he's a male... [screeching]

Cat‐‐Pickles, no! Stop! Come here.

Ah! Oh, damn it!

I want that one.

Doesn't she know that's The Gray One?

Other cats, we got to save that cat.

It's a cat. She does not.

Ah, yeah. I think I'll be unpacking this one for a while.

I'm sure you all notice my absence, but I am fine.

No more questions.

Listen, I want to apologize

to all of you for bringing in the Raccoon.

I was just hoping to push us out of our comfort zones‐‐

me especially.

You did teach us a valuable lesson

about not trusting raccoons.

Or therapists. Am I right?

She's terrible.

Wedding update‐‐

Lindsay's cousin got donated to Goodwill.

So, if anyone's interested in the maid‐of‐honor posish‐‐

And we're back.

[thunder booms]

[snoring]

So, if I get the bundle,

you guys will throw in the landline for free.

[door opens]

Huh?

[dramatic music]

Raccoon, what are‐‐what‐‐ what‐‐what are you doing here?

Are you okay?

[sobbing]

No, no, I'm not okay.

I'm so sorry about earlier.

I know you were only trying to help.

I just mess things up for myself all the time.

I am just so scared of no‐hair‐bear‐‐

I mean humans? Is that right?

Yes, it is. And I understand.

I'm trying, you know.

I really am.

It's just I never knew my dad!

Yes, it's okay, Raccoon.

I knew I was reaching you.

You know our environment does so much

to determine‐‐ [thunder booms]

That's Jill's.

Sorry, poodle, I'm tired of waiting for the bones.

It's time for Raccoon to get the meat.

Wait a minute.

You never wanted my help at all.

You just wanted the chicken.

That's why you unlatched the tiny glass door‐‐window!

Get away from Jill's free‐range rotisserie chicken!

Ah! [grunting]

[growling, barking]

[raccoons chittering]

[growling]

Go ahead.

Go on, do it.

Taste blood for the first time in your life.

[growling] [thunder booms]

No.

No, you and your creepy little hands aren't worth it.

I can't believe I thought you had anything to give.

All you do is take. You think you're wild,

but you're actually the most dependent animal I've ever met.

Get out of my house...

after you put the chicken back.

[grunting]

Later, dog.

[sighs]

[sniffing]

I smell chicken.

What happened?

Chief, we can't eat chicken. [groans]

Okay.

Wait.

Oh, man.

Okay. Going wild, huh?

[chuckles] A little.

Oh, my God, this is amazing.

Delicious.

Well, you deserve it for not eating that sock.

Yeah, that was tough.

Chief. Yeah?

You're handsome. Yo, yo, yo, yo.

Where my gaze at?

Oh, unbelievable.

It happens every time.

"Oh, there won't be any dogs there, we swear."

Well, joke's on me, right?

Anyway, I won't take up any more of your time.

You two seem like a lovely couple.

I could help him. No.

[laidback music]

♪ ♪

Ah, just give him a little meat.

[sniffs] Hey.

Uh, I think that was meant for me.

Pretty sure it was meant for me.

No, no. See, we had a whole thing.

And then she said a lot of hurtful things and‐‐

Okay, you eat the chicken,

and then I'll eat you.

Either way, I'm eating the chicken.

Pew.

Let's get this party started!

Again? Really?

Gah, my friends need to learn how to communicate better.

Why am I saddling you with my problems?

You're out here enjoying the evening.

[laughs] I don't want to bring you down with my drama.

That's nice, Jenna Gabby.

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