Original subtitles

♪[opening title music]♪

- [television football match]

- [LUCKY] Ok guys, erm... I'm wondering if you wanted to...

- Yeah!! Fucking yeah!

- Ugh! Come one! - I think that's a yes.

- So, erm, my staff discount kicks in and I was just wondering if you wanted to...

- Go find a Crystal Palace pub and teach 'em some fuckin' respect?

- Puke all over their walls and steal their women? Fuck yeah!

- Yeah, OK.

- No!! No! Fuck, it's all over! Gah! I don't wanna live!

- [heavy breathing]

- No game of soccer goes... - [DAVID] No!!

- Game of "football" goes that fast.

- He's watching highlights. Actual football moves way too slowly for him.

- He just likes the goals.

- Is he gonna stay like this?

- Nah, just gotta show him the good parts again.

- [rewinding]

- David? David, look.

- Yes!! [laughing]

- [door opening] ♪[slow jovial music]♪

- Hello, Jeremy. Your sister been up to anything lately?

- Erm...One time at school, when I was 14, I farted, turned out it wasn't a fart at all...

- It was...it was a poop, and the poop fell on the floor in front of everyone...

- and I ran but they found me cause it was like a trail of breadcrumbs.

- I love a man that can be so bold. I can be bold too, Jeremy.

-[nervous laugh]

- Use your imagination.

- You know, I haven't spoken to Sophie in such a long time. I'd love to know what she's been up to.

- Erm...She's been hunting this American girl named Lucky, who this guy wants dead...

- and he's offering, like, £300,000 for her and she keeps sending people after her...

- but they keep disappearing and she can't do it 'cause she's injured...

- by a samurai sword that I slashed her leg open with. Totally wasn't my fault!

- I wrote a blog about it if you wanna see?!

- Oh, you're so helpful! May I?

- Keep it! - Oh, you're a doll!

- OK, well gotta go. Don't be a stranger now.

- [door opening and closing] - I love you!

- [phone vibrating]

♪[marching drum music]♪

- I have accumulated as much information as I can through conventional surveillance methods.

- My superiors fail to recognise the importance of my investigation.

- Too hung up on procedural details to see the greater threat.

- The time has come for me to infiltrate their organisation directly.

- I must go deep undercover. Become one of them.

- Dress like them. Talk like them.

- Think like them.

- [car door opening and closing]

♪[reggae music]♪

- Hello...Hey, dude, give me a really strong, er...beer.

- Thank you...Oh, hey Lucky! Hey guys! Haven't seen you lot around here before.

- Funny you should meet me on one of my many, many wild nights out that I often have.

- Well, here's to behaving irresponsibly and imbibing tonnes of liquor.

- Wow. Er...

- [OLLIE] What a great alcohol! I think I'll have another.

- Here by yourself? - Ah, well...

- my crazy, crazy friends don't seem to have arrived just yet.

- [OLLIE] Not surprising really, they sometimes don't turn up at all...

- on account of the really incredible drug hazes they're usual in.

- We can hardly perform a single days work we're so busy drugging up! - [laughter] - I mean, what is the point...

- in paying taxes when you can just spend your days taking illegal substances, aye?

- What a laugh! - [laughter]

♪[dance music]♪

- [glugging] - [DAVID] Come on!

- Can I have a Manhattan?

- Oh, it's so hot in here.

- Hi. I'm Vera. What's your name?

- Erm...Jack. - [thud]

- Jack?

- Hi. - [stuttering and stammering]

- You're a piece of alright, ain't ya? Do you want to come back to my place for a shag?

- Oh, I thought you'd never ask.

- [DAVID] Come on then. Back to my place!

- You too, you maniac, aye! Let's see if we can keep up with the beast!

- Ya smoke? - No. I...I don't think I...

- [coughing] - [laughing]

- I didn't know you smoked.

- You don't even know my name. - Mmm, you don't know my name either.

- So, how many guys have you killed?

- A...Are are we doing this? A...Are we, er, having chit-chat now?

- [LUCKY] 'We are best friends' girl talk? No! No, I am not doing this!

- Like, did you really never wonder what type of parents would name their child Black?

- None! Totally not interested in your biography right now.

- What's your deal? - [car indicator]

- [BLACK] What? - Why do you do all this weirdness?

- Like, is he paying you in orphans? Child sex slaves?

- No, that is not weird enough.

- He's...saved your life from something?

♪[title music]♪

- Because I enjoy it!

- Well then, that makes you as weird as you are pathetic!

- Wanna know something?

- Cameron will never love you.

- What do you think's gonna happen? You think that Cameron is going to...

- one day admit you're the real love of his life?

- Listen to me, you obnoxious, little bitch!

- I have seen dozens of you. I have buried dozens of you.

- And when Cameron gets bored of you, which he will...

- I am going to savour the moment I get to dump your butchered body...

- into the Everglades.

- You're trying so hard to put up this tough front you think you have.

- But I know your little secret. You're just a fat, stupid, little girl.

- And when I finally get to put a bullet between your chubby cheeks...

- No one is going to even realise you're gone.

- Ah, ah, ah!

- Ba!

- [video game gunfire]

- I don't get it, I'm out of bullets. How do I get more?

- Kill someone and take their bullets.

- I died. - That works too.

- Ugh! Yeah!

- Rematch?

- [DAVID] Who wants a victory snack?!

- Ooh!

- [LUCKY] C'mon.

- Look at him! Look at that face! That is a guilty face!

- He is guilty! - [laughing] I know! But come on.

- [LUCKY] They're shrooms, right? - Yes.

- [LUCKY] David, how strong did you make these?

- Dunno, depends how many of the mushrooms were magic!

- What? - [DAVID] Yeah, I found a bunch of them in a field...

- Dude ate a few of them, foamed out the mouth for a couple of hours.

- Blamed industrialisation for surpressing the gnome civilisation.

- One of these should get you pretty damn good.

- Except for this crazy diamond! Am I right!? Come on, have a few more.

- Don't want to have a boring night, do we? - No really, I've had plenty.

- Don't worry about it. Ill be very surprised if you feel anything...

- after the MDMA you mainlined this morning.

- [OLLIE] [nervous laughter]

♪[music]♪

- [CANDY] So, you have a babysitter now?

- [LUCKY] Yes, I know. I think they're freaking out thinking...

- I'm going to run off the first chance I get.

- [CANDY] And? I'm going to run off the first chance I get.

- Oh no, c'mon, who am I gonna feed the ducks with now?!

- Candy, this is a beach! There are no ducks.

- OK, but still you're, like, my only non-stripper friend.

- Maybe if you opened up your social circle just a little bit...

- you wouldn't have this problem. - Oh yeah. You're one to talk. OK...

- at least I try to open up to people.

- Candy, I tried that on your advice and look where it's gotten me.

- I get to be babysat by Captain Sunshine over there!

- So, what time's your date with Commander Dickweed tonight?

- Six. - So, your place at six-fifteen then.

- Wow. - [LUCKY] I thought I'd give you...

- an extra twelve minutes to get dressed. - You know, this is why you don't have a boyfriend.

- I don't have a boyfriend because I'm surrounded by psychopaths and sadists!

- I get to be with a guy who has pressed a gun against my head...

- so many times I'm pretty sure it's forming a callous!

- I was kidnapped from my last job and forced to make sandwiches...

- and you think I'd be uppity?!

- How can I have a boyfriend when I don't know if I am going to survive the week, Candy?!

- You should date Black. - I would sooner fuck a rusty pipe!

- Right, it's time to leave.

- Candy thinks you and I should date each other!

- Ha! You know, I would sooner fuck a rusty pipe.

- [video game gunfire]

- [OLLIE] [wailing]

- Woah, these things ain't meant to kick in for, like, another hour.

- You must be super good at this.

- [JACK] How long you think it's gonna take him to work out that this guy is full of shit?

- Five pounds says we'll still be hearing the legend of the shroom-master a year from now.

- [JACK] You're still going to be here a year from now?

- [LUCKY] You're not? - Well...Listen.

- I know you gotta be... pragmatic about this, you know?

- You keep your expectations reasonable.

- [JACK] Don't you think you should be having some slightly higher aspirations...

- than reminiscing with David?

- Maybe it isn't David I'm staying for.

- [JACK] Your eyes are fucking huge! - Yours too!

- [car doors opening and closing]

- [car starting up]

- [video game gunfire]

- [DAVID] Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.

- Well...it doesn't matter how many times you try to hug them...

- They're just going to keep killing you.

- Resist not evil, but whoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek.

- [DAVID] Turn to him the other also.

- Sophie, Sophie, Sophie. How did you manage to screw this one up?

- I can probably leave right now and they'll likely take themselves out.

- Oh well. Time to get paid.

- Vengence is when you...refuse to... confront your own mental problems and...

- just lash out at the person that cares about you more than anybody.

- Vengence is...

- melting his clothes in acid. Even those little, woollen socks with the cute panda bears on it.

- Vengence is when you set fire to his favourite pub...

- so badly that they had to close it down for a year.

- Shattering all those innocent whiskey bottles...

- that did nothing to you!

- You bitch! What did JD ever do to you beside make you pretty?!

- Vengence is when you've got another job to do. Or there's another mid-level politician to kill.

- You wanna be this big, independent woman and that's cool and all but you're twenty six!

- Its...it's time to retire, settle down, start a family, you know?

♪[psychedelic music]♪

- [LUCKY] [gasps]

- Is killing people, and not feeling bad about it, the first signs of being a sociopath?

- Yeah, yeah, but I don't feel bad about it. I feel bad...that I don't feel bad about it.

- It's like, you ever get the feeling you're being punished for not being a better person?

- Like, this is awesome, divine retribution for not giving a shit when I kill people.

- That's why I'm alone.

- But I will be.

- Why does everyone I love die?

- [dog barking]

- [gate rattling]

- It was organs?!

- So many organs! - Mmm...

- Looking rather flustered there, aren't we? And, yes, that would explain...

- the rather, squishy pillowcase. No? And it was horses by the way.

- Why am I doing that?

- [BLACK] Well, I didn't particularly fancy climbing that fence and...

- I'm pretty sure I heard one of those...bitey dogs barking.

- Not that. The blood!

- It's just for shock.

- You see, the man that lives in this house is going to spend all day and all night...

- trying to figure out which one of those pieces of meat belongs to his wife.

- Do any of those pieces of meat belong to his wife?

- Try not to get that mess in the car.

- [car engine running]

- That wasn't an answer.

- Yeah, get used to that.

- You know what?

- You and Cameron are two of the fucking weirdest fucks I've ever met in my life!

- It's always fucking blood here and horse bits there and kill that fucking person there!

- You know?! Especially Cameron... But especially you, eurotrash!!!

- [brakes screeching] - Agh!

- You know what, Cameron must be having a fucking hard-on for the weird and retarded this month.

- Because you are the ugliest, strangest, most annoying little tart he has ever tried to bang!

- I have thought long and hard about what he sees in you but I just do not get it!

- [LUCKY] [crying] ♪[dramatic music]♪

- Are you...crying?

- [LUCKY] Fuck off!

- [screaming] Gah! Let me go! Stop!

- Listen to me, alright. If you ever leave...He will kill you.

- Now, that is not me threatening you...

- I'm not even trying to scare you, alright? He will find you...

- just like everyone else who's ever tried to leave...and he will kill you.

- [sobbing]

- Hey!

- I feel like we haven't been able to speak at all tonight.

- It must be so annoying having to live with these guys all the time.

- I bet you want to do something girly.

- I know! How about a makeover?...Try this.

- It's my favourite! - [DAVID] [laughing]

- [spraying] - [choking]

- [choking and weezing] David...

- [digging] - [hyperventilating]

- Jack?

- [JACK] Hmm?

- There's been something I've been meaning to tell you.

- Yeah?

- It's just...there's been a few guys.

- Guys who I've done some really horrible stuff to.

- OK...erm,when I was fourteen, there was this guy...

- And he was in my house and... he had already, you know...

- to my parents.

- [LUCKY] So I...took care of him.

- Took care...of him?

- Yeah, you know. There was, like... a lot of adrenaline and it was...

- kinda happening, like, really fast and...I...I didn't plan it...

- it just happened...but, erm...

- And then there was this party and... and that one was in front of everyone.

- Even the cops were involved.

- Lucky, this...this isn't like a confessional or something, you know.

- There's nothing to feel ashamed of. You know? It's the 21st century.

- What you're thinking of is a very outdated notion of what society's morality should be. So...

- It's OK, you know? - Don't you think it's like...

- the slightest bit wrong that I kind of have done this to, like, more than a few people? And...

- I don't even feel bad about it.

- They just, like...it's happens. And then it happens everyone to I care about.

- I just kinda do this to people. Like, my boyfriends...

- My friends.

- My parents.

- And, now...I'm scared I'm going to do this to you too.

- Well, you know...I don't, erm... See anything wrong with you having a number.

- You know? I...I'm good with you having experience. You know?

- I mean...If it's gonna happen, I'd rather it happens with someone who...

- knows what she's doing.

- I don't think it works like that? - Really?

- It's OK, Lucky.

- It's Lucy.

- Lucy.

♪[ending title music]♪