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1
00:00:07,749 --> 00:00:10,955
Okay, we've been
around and around on this.
2
00:00:11,022 --> 00:00:13,226
We can make this a whole
hell of a lot easier
3
00:00:13,293 --> 00:00:16,700
if you just answer
one simple question.
4
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,804
How old is Betty Hart?
5
00:00:18,871 --> 00:00:21,777
(sighs) And I am telling you,
that is not a simple question.
6
00:00:21,844 --> 00:00:23,581
I'm going to ask it again.
7
00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:25,852
How old is Betty Hart?
8
00:00:26,687 --> 00:00:29,860
Are you really sure you want
to go down this road?
9
00:00:29,927 --> 00:00:32,264
I just want one of you people
10
00:00:32,331 --> 00:00:35,270
to give me a straight answer.
11
00:00:35,337 --> 00:00:37,609
How old is Betty Hart?!
12
00:00:37,676 --> 00:00:39,913
And I'm telling you,
I have no idea
13
00:00:39,980 --> 00:00:41,684
what the hell
y'all are talking about.
14
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:44,288
Now, I'm starving‐‐ somebody
go fetch me some Corn Nuts
15
00:00:44,355 --> 00:00:46,259
and a diet Dr. Mister
before I go
16
00:00:46,326 --> 00:00:48,363
"hangry lady" on your butts.
17
00:00:48,430 --> 00:00:50,635
♪ ♪
18
00:01:18,223 --> 00:01:19,660
Bassett. Bassett!
19
00:01:19,726 --> 00:01:21,964
Slow down.
why are you on tilt today?
20
00:01:22,031 --> 00:01:24,435
I mean, are the guys making fun
of your cross‐eyes again?
21
00:01:24,503 --> 00:01:25,938
I do not have cross‐eyes.
22
00:01:26,005 --> 00:01:27,776
One just gets lazy after lunch.
23
00:01:27,842 --> 00:01:30,347
Anyway, remember
the Winston‐Salem killings?
24
00:01:30,414 --> 00:01:31,950
The string
of drug‐related murders
25
00:01:32,017 --> 00:01:33,319
with the crazy meth gang, yeah.
26
00:01:33,386 --> 00:01:34,422
I mean, all we ever had on 'em
27
00:01:34,488 --> 00:01:35,825
was a picture of an RV.
28
00:01:35,892 --> 00:01:37,461
Well, I've got the RV and...
29
00:01:37,529 --> 00:01:39,599
I've got the meth gang
right over there.
30
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:43,306
That does not look
like a meth gang.
31
00:01:43,373 --> 00:01:45,678
They were driving the RV,
they were trying to buy meth,
32
00:01:45,745 --> 00:01:49,586
and witnesses heard them kill,
and then throw out the body.
33
00:01:49,653 --> 00:01:51,757
Well, I guess we got to hear
what they have to say.
34
00:01:51,824 --> 00:01:54,730
Are you gonna start talking
or am I gonna blow my stack?
35
00:01:54,796 --> 00:01:56,165
Are you...? Sorry.
36
00:01:56,232 --> 00:01:58,169
‐Are you talking to me or her?
‐You!
37
00:01:58,236 --> 00:02:00,240
Ooh, you better be careful
because this one?
38
00:02:00,307 --> 00:02:01,710
All emotions.
39
00:02:01,777 --> 00:02:04,783
Oh, I'm a huge fan of the whole
"good cop, bad cop" thing.
40
00:02:04,850 --> 00:02:06,520
Is he gonna kick a trash can?
41
00:02:06,587 --> 00:02:07,989
I love it
when they kick trash cans.
42
00:02:08,056 --> 00:02:11,195
Why don't you just walk us
through it, one more time?
43
00:02:11,262 --> 00:02:14,569
Oh, me? I'm not telling
you donut chasers nothing.
44
00:02:14,636 --> 00:02:15,403
Aah!
45
00:02:15,470 --> 00:02:17,441
Perfect. Oh, I love it.
46
00:02:17,509 --> 00:02:20,548
Love the rage. Okay, I'll tell
you everything you want to know.
47
00:02:20,615 --> 00:02:22,619
Well, my gram's birthday
was coming up.
48
00:02:22,685 --> 00:02:24,856
And we were giving her
crap about it,
49
00:02:24,923 --> 00:02:26,693
like we do every year.
50
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:28,329
Mother, your birthday's
coming up.
51
00:02:28,396 --> 00:02:29,599
Have you started
planning the party?
52
00:02:29,666 --> 00:02:31,269
Ooh, have you been
putting out your feelers
53
00:02:31,335 --> 00:02:32,839
to the male stripper
community?
54
00:02:32,906 --> 00:02:34,275
And you want the cake to say:
55
00:02:34,341 --> 00:02:35,477
"None of your damn business"?
56
00:02:35,545 --> 00:02:37,715
Yeah, Gram.
Or will this be the year
57
00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:40,655
people actually learn which
birthday they're celebrating?
58
00:02:40,721 --> 00:02:43,393
Well, not that I owe
you fools an explanation,
59
00:02:43,459 --> 00:02:45,463
but Betty Hart's
just gonna have
60
00:02:45,531 --> 00:02:47,669
a quiet birthday
at home this year.
61
00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:51,075
I've already broken the news
to Richard Gere via Titters.
62
00:02:51,142 --> 00:02:53,413
I'm just gonna spend
a quiet night
63
00:02:53,479 --> 00:02:55,852
vacuuming my bedspread.
64
00:02:57,254 --> 00:02:58,624
Something's weird.
65
00:02:58,691 --> 00:02:59,559
Very weird.
66
00:02:59,626 --> 00:03:01,730
She always wants a huge party.
67
00:03:01,797 --> 00:03:03,099
Why not this year?
68
00:03:03,166 --> 00:03:05,270
Could this year be
a milestone birthday?
69
00:03:05,337 --> 00:03:06,506
(both gasp)
70
00:03:06,573 --> 00:03:08,476
So you're telling me you have
71
00:03:08,544 --> 00:03:10,380
no idea how old
your own mother is?
72
00:03:10,447 --> 00:03:11,550
Oh, God doesn't even know.
73
00:03:11,617 --> 00:03:13,419
She'll kill you
if you get close.
74
00:03:14,488 --> 00:03:16,259
Oh, Mom, this banner got
all jumbled.
75
00:03:16,325 --> 00:03:17,528
So silly.
76
00:03:17,595 --> 00:03:18,764
Can you just grab the numbers
77
00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:20,768
and stick 'em
in the middle there?
78
00:03:23,540 --> 00:03:24,643
Nice try.
79
00:03:24,709 --> 00:03:26,647
(yelps)
80
00:03:28,049 --> 00:03:29,251
Betty Hart?
81
00:03:29,318 --> 00:03:31,690
It's me, Rand Carlson.
82
00:03:31,757 --> 00:03:34,395
We went to high school
together, remember?
83
00:03:34,461 --> 00:03:36,299
Class of 19‐‐ (shouting)
84
00:03:36,365 --> 00:03:38,336
(shushing)
85
00:03:38,403 --> 00:03:40,574
He'll be fine. Get in!
86
00:03:40,641 --> 00:03:43,313
Come on, just tell me
how old my mother is.
87
00:03:43,379 --> 00:03:45,518
Let's just say, that whole
thing with the cross?
88
00:03:45,584 --> 00:03:46,954
That's nothing compared
to what your mom
89
00:03:47,020 --> 00:03:48,323
would do to me if I told.
90
00:03:48,389 --> 00:03:49,458
So you're not telling?
91
00:03:49,526 --> 00:03:50,828
Even having this conversation is
92
00:03:50,895 --> 00:03:52,899
freaking me out.
93
00:03:59,913 --> 00:04:01,683
Okay, so where are we at?
94
00:04:01,750 --> 00:04:03,854
Uh, last week she let it slip
that she got drunk
95
00:04:03,921 --> 00:04:07,327
and "caught finger herpes"
at Hands Across America,
96
00:04:07,394 --> 00:04:10,166
which was... (scatting)
97
00:04:10,233 --> 00:04:11,837
1986, so assuming
98
00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:13,774
she was
legal drinking age in '86‐‐
99
00:04:13,841 --> 00:04:15,443
You can't assume Betty Hart
would wait
100
00:04:15,511 --> 00:04:16,847
till legal drinking age
to get drunk.
101
00:04:16,913 --> 00:04:19,351
Oh, so that goes
in the dead‐end pile.
102
00:04:19,418 --> 00:04:21,122
Congratulations to all of us
103
00:04:21,188 --> 00:04:23,059
and our futures
and the bountiful whimsy
104
00:04:23,126 --> 00:04:24,729
that all of life holds
because...
105
00:04:24,796 --> 00:04:27,401
I got us an RV
we can use for free!
106
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:30,140
Let's go see the untamed beauty
107
00:04:30,206 --> 00:04:32,110
of the Outer Banks.
108
00:04:32,177 --> 00:04:33,413
What?
109
00:04:33,479 --> 00:04:35,183
Okay, tell me about this RV.
110
00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:37,220
Explain it to me
like I'm a two‐year‐old.
111
00:04:37,287 --> 00:04:39,559
Well, an RV
112
00:04:39,626 --> 00:04:41,596
is, like, a "weally" big car‐‐
113
00:04:41,663 --> 00:04:44,502
‐Not literally!
‐Okay, I'm sorry. I don't know how it works.
114
00:04:44,569 --> 00:04:47,374
I've never been a perp before.
So...
115
00:04:47,441 --> 00:04:48,710
I was at work,
116
00:04:48,777 --> 00:04:50,681
cleaning up
a nasty glue spill...
117
00:04:50,748 --> 00:04:52,652
Bro, guess who has two thumbs
118
00:04:52,718 --> 00:04:55,123
and just got back
from Dollywood.
119
00:04:55,190 --> 00:04:57,260
Oh, man, you went to Dollywood?
120
00:04:57,327 --> 00:04:58,730
Yep. And get this.
121
00:04:58,797 --> 00:05:00,668
I didn't have to spend
a dime on hotels.
122
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:03,206
A guy just lent me
his RV for free.
123
00:05:03,272 --> 00:05:04,576
What? Who?
124
00:05:04,642 --> 00:05:06,345
Just a guy. A good Samaritan.
125
00:05:06,412 --> 00:05:08,550
He was even disappointed
when I brought it back.
126
00:05:08,617 --> 00:05:11,222
He asked me to find someone else
who could take it for a while.
127
00:05:11,288 --> 00:05:12,625
Oh, hell yeah!
128
00:05:12,692 --> 00:05:14,461
It's been my life's dream
to drive my girls
129
00:05:14,529 --> 00:05:16,031
to the Outer Banks.
130
00:05:16,098 --> 00:05:18,537
They got a campground there,
right on the ocean,
131
00:05:18,604 --> 00:05:21,342
called Saint Clair Landing.
If you got an RV,
132
00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:24,081
you can sleep
so close to the water
133
00:05:24,148 --> 00:05:25,651
you can hear a fish fart.
134
00:05:25,718 --> 00:05:27,688
Well, the man
who can make fishes fart
135
00:05:27,755 --> 00:05:30,393
near you is right over there.
136
00:05:32,063 --> 00:05:34,101
Hmm. Trav, I don't know.
137
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:35,638
I mean, can we trust this guy?
138
00:05:35,704 --> 00:05:37,007
‐I don't even know him.
‐I'll tell you what.
139
00:05:37,073 --> 00:05:41,448
I'll take a photo
of his psychic energy field.
140
00:05:41,516 --> 00:05:43,085
Okay, that looks like...
141
00:05:43,152 --> 00:05:45,256
light Silver, the color
142
00:05:45,323 --> 00:05:47,929
of a nurturing,
spiritually awake person.
143
00:05:47,995 --> 00:05:49,064
Mmm‐k‐kaboom!
144
00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:52,237
Hey, hoss, does your pony
still need a rider?
145
00:05:52,304 --> 00:05:53,707
You‐you mean the RV?
146
00:05:53,774 --> 00:05:54,709
Sure does.
147
00:05:54,776 --> 00:05:56,445
And when would you need it back?
148
00:05:56,513 --> 00:05:58,584
Oh, I don't ever need it back.
149
00:06:02,023 --> 00:06:04,662
You knew nothing
about this alleged stranger
150
00:06:04,729 --> 00:06:07,535
who allegedly
just gave you his RV?
151
00:06:07,602 --> 00:06:09,438
Oh, we knew
all we needed to know.
152
00:06:09,505 --> 00:06:10,874
We had his aura.
153
00:06:10,941 --> 00:06:13,145
‐What was his name?
‐I don't know!
154
00:06:13,212 --> 00:06:14,882
Unbelievable!
155
00:06:14,949 --> 00:06:15,951
(trashcan clanging)
156
00:06:16,018 --> 00:06:17,487
VIOLET:
Ooh, did he kick the trash can?
157
00:06:17,555 --> 00:06:18,757
JENNY:
Yep, he did!
158
00:06:18,824 --> 00:06:20,527
I'm sorry,
I should've got his name.
159
00:06:20,594 --> 00:06:22,832
See, that kind of thinking
is why you two are cops
160
00:06:22,898 --> 00:06:25,370
and why I'm about to get
a full‐cavity search.
161
00:06:25,436 --> 00:06:26,873
Which I deserve.
162
00:06:26,940 --> 00:06:28,042
Nope. Go ahead.
163
00:06:28,109 --> 00:06:29,579
My holes are an open book.
164
00:06:29,646 --> 00:06:30,714
Close your holes!
165
00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:32,718
These people don't even know
166
00:06:32,785 --> 00:06:33,987
basic facts about each other.
167
00:06:34,054 --> 00:06:36,458
I'm telling you
they are not a family.
168
00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:37,595
They are a crime syndicate.
169
00:06:37,662 --> 00:06:39,064
And a brilliant one at that.
170
00:06:39,131 --> 00:06:41,536
Aw, boo‐boo, just because
you arrest three or more people
171
00:06:41,603 --> 00:06:42,872
doesn't make it a "syndicate."
172
00:06:42,938 --> 00:06:44,742
They could just be
a stupid group.
173
00:06:44,809 --> 00:06:46,880
These people are
acting too stupid
174
00:06:46,946 --> 00:06:48,617
to be stupid.
175
00:06:48,684 --> 00:06:50,186
Road trips,
you say you love 'em?
176
00:06:50,253 --> 00:06:51,589
Your whole family loves them?
177
00:06:51,656 --> 00:06:54,061
Oh, man, yeah, do they ever.
178
00:06:54,127 --> 00:06:56,131
JENNY:
An RV is a car with a toilet in it.
179
00:06:56,198 --> 00:06:58,169
So we're gonna be
in the rolling toilet all day,
180
00:06:58,235 --> 00:07:00,641
and then sleep all night
in the rolling toilet?
181
00:07:00,708 --> 00:07:02,377
It's not a rolling toilet.
182
00:07:02,444 --> 00:07:04,247
It's an RV, and you love RVs.
183
00:07:04,314 --> 00:07:06,085
Remember?
When we saw that RV once,
184
00:07:06,151 --> 00:07:09,124
and you said you wonder how much
human feces is in that thing?
185
00:07:09,191 --> 00:07:10,828
Yeah, 'cause I was grossed out.
186
00:07:10,894 --> 00:07:13,499
Well, forgive me for thinking
we shared a curiosity
187
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,036
about volumes of things.
188
00:07:15,103 --> 00:07:17,942
Mom, an RV could be
how we finally crack
189
00:07:18,008 --> 00:07:19,077
the Gram age case.
190
00:07:19,144 --> 00:07:21,649
Tight quarters,
nowhere to storm off to
191
00:07:21,716 --> 00:07:23,119
when she feels us closing in,
192
00:07:23,185 --> 00:07:26,058
the stench of toilet deodorizer
clouding her brain.
193
00:07:26,125 --> 00:07:29,097
She'll be off her game,
and she'll slip up for sure.
194
00:07:29,164 --> 00:07:30,667
Oh, Vi. That is brilliant.
195
00:07:30,734 --> 00:07:32,170
You know what? I'm in.
196
00:07:32,237 --> 00:07:33,640
Let's take a birthday road trip.
197
00:07:33,707 --> 00:07:35,276
Yes! Let's find out
198
00:07:35,343 --> 00:07:37,380
how much feces
that thing can hold.
199
00:07:37,447 --> 00:07:38,382
Oh, Lord.
200
00:07:38,449 --> 00:07:40,888
(siren wailing)
201
00:07:42,257 --> 00:07:44,996
♪ ♪
202
00:07:45,062 --> 00:07:47,668
SKEEVY GUY:
And that's how you get rid of evidence.
203
00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:51,141
ROCKER CHICK:
Wait, I left stuff in there I want.
204
00:07:51,208 --> 00:07:52,410
What did you leave in there?
205
00:07:52,477 --> 00:07:55,183
‐Slim.
‐Slim has a new family now.
206
00:07:55,249 --> 00:07:57,454
He'll eat them alive.
207
00:07:57,521 --> 00:07:59,257
Yes, he will.
208
00:07:59,324 --> 00:08:01,529
(cackling)
209
00:08:05,704 --> 00:08:07,073
(whoops)
We are on the road, ladies!
210
00:08:07,140 --> 00:08:08,743
(groans) Kitchens
and bathrooms should never
211
00:08:08,810 --> 00:08:10,012
be this close together.
212
00:08:10,079 --> 00:08:11,783
You should not be able
to drop a deuce
213
00:08:11,850 --> 00:08:13,452
and cook ground beef
at the same time.
214
00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:14,789
Eyes on the prize, Mom.
215
00:08:14,856 --> 00:08:16,526
This trip is
about clocking Gram's age
216
00:08:16,593 --> 00:08:17,728
once and for all.
217
00:08:17,795 --> 00:08:19,464
And if the smell gets too much,
218
00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:21,201
we always have these.
219
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:22,738
Where did you get a gas mask?
220
00:08:22,805 --> 00:08:24,107
Uh, wait. What do you mean?
221
00:08:24,174 --> 00:08:26,646
It's my gas mask.
You guys didn't bring yours?
222
00:08:26,713 --> 00:08:28,550
Why do you even own a gas mask?
223
00:08:28,617 --> 00:08:30,419
Because the world is a tinderbox
224
00:08:30,486 --> 00:08:32,791
that could blow up
at any second?
225
00:08:32,858 --> 00:08:35,697
So we all have gas masks?
226
00:08:36,465 --> 00:08:39,271
Huh, must be
a generational thing.
227
00:08:42,511 --> 00:08:44,916
What the hell is
going on in this thing?
228
00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:47,086
A Styrofoam cup
of loose bullets,
229
00:08:47,153 --> 00:08:49,992
a collection of wigs,
666 incense burner.
230
00:08:50,059 --> 00:08:52,196
Autographed picture
of David Schwimmer?
231
00:08:52,263 --> 00:08:53,567
Who are these people?
232
00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:54,936
Oh, they're good people.
233
00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:56,506
Because Travis took
an aura picture,
234
00:08:56,573 --> 00:08:58,743
and it was light silver.
235
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:05,056
Hey, excuse me,
I'm looking for a second opinion
236
00:09:05,122 --> 00:09:08,697
on this aura photo‐‐ either
the colors got darker overnight,
237
00:09:08,763 --> 00:09:11,569
or my eyes are going
bye‐bye boo‐boo.
238
00:09:11,636 --> 00:09:13,305
Hmm, yes.
239
00:09:13,372 --> 00:09:16,078
Most people don't wait long
enough for these to develop.
240
00:09:16,144 --> 00:09:17,982
Follow me into the light.
241
00:09:18,048 --> 00:09:20,654
And please don't step
on my hair.
242
00:09:23,292 --> 00:09:26,198
Well, usually dark silver
243
00:09:26,264 --> 00:09:27,868
represents someone, mmm,
244
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:30,406
incapable of feeling remorse,
245
00:09:30,473 --> 00:09:32,645
aka, pure evil.
246
00:09:32,711 --> 00:09:34,481
Typically meth dealers.
247
00:09:34,548 --> 00:09:35,984
Or telemarketers.
248
00:09:36,051 --> 00:09:38,322
Whoa, the difference
between light
249
00:09:38,389 --> 00:09:39,825
and dark silver ain't no joke.
250
00:09:39,892 --> 00:09:42,397
Yeah. Plus, he's got no teeth.
251
00:09:42,463 --> 00:09:44,502
That's a meth tell right there.
252
00:09:44,568 --> 00:09:45,637
Oh, my God!
253
00:09:45,704 --> 00:09:47,340
what did I do to my friend?!
254
00:09:47,407 --> 00:09:49,010
Wayne!
255
00:09:50,212 --> 00:09:52,250
‐Aah!
‐Gram.
256
00:09:52,316 --> 00:09:53,953
It's just a wig head.
257
00:09:54,020 --> 00:09:57,260
‐Cool wig though.
‐Whoa, whoa, whoa!
258
00:09:57,326 --> 00:09:59,297
VIOLET:
Oh, jackpot.
259
00:09:59,364 --> 00:10:02,771
♪ Are you ready
for the thing called love ♪
260
00:10:02,838 --> 00:10:04,775
♪ Don't come from me and you ♪
261
00:10:04,842 --> 00:10:06,946
♪ It comes from up above ♪
262
00:10:07,013 --> 00:10:07,781
Hee‐hee!
263
00:10:07,848 --> 00:10:09,985
I love this song, y'all!
264
00:10:10,052 --> 00:10:12,725
Yeah, remember
the first time you heard it?
265
00:10:12,791 --> 00:10:14,027
What were you wearing?
266
00:10:14,094 --> 00:10:16,098
Like, approximately
what size were you?
267
00:10:16,164 --> 00:10:17,701
Were you shopping
in the Junior's department?
268
00:10:17,768 --> 00:10:19,772
Or were you adulting it up
at The Limited by then?
269
00:10:19,839 --> 00:10:20,841
Could you afford
Wilson's Leather?
270
00:10:20,907 --> 00:10:22,778
Mm. Describe your hair.
271
00:10:22,845 --> 00:10:24,247
Was it an asymmetrical do?
272
00:10:24,314 --> 00:10:25,717
Or pouf bangs?
273
00:10:25,784 --> 00:10:28,021
Banana clip? Scrunchie?
Baby doll barrettes?
274
00:10:28,088 --> 00:10:30,594
Oh, I had a shaved head
like G.I. Jane.
275
00:10:30,660 --> 00:10:32,163
'Cause I'm a warrior
276
00:10:32,230 --> 00:10:34,434
at keeping people
out my personal business.
277
00:10:34,502 --> 00:10:36,037
‐(both sigh)
‐(Wayne sneezes)
278
00:10:36,104 --> 00:10:39,043
‐(tries screech)
‐(all shouting)
279
00:10:39,110 --> 00:10:40,112
Ew! Ew! Ew!
280
00:10:40,179 --> 00:10:42,283
(sneezes)
Ah, sorry for all the sneezing.
281
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,655
The disco‐dander
from these vintage clothes
282
00:10:44,722 --> 00:10:46,191
is up in my sinuses.
283
00:10:46,258 --> 00:10:48,395
Here, Wayne. I probably got an
allergy pill in here somewheres.
284
00:10:48,462 --> 00:10:51,769
Gonna take a minute, I got 'em
memorized by shape.
285
00:10:51,836 --> 00:10:53,840
Headache, vagina ache,
286
00:10:53,907 --> 00:10:55,309
diarhear...
287
00:10:55,376 --> 00:10:57,948
VOCCOLA:
Hey, Little Ms. Valley of the Dolls.
288
00:10:58,015 --> 00:10:59,518
Where'd you get
the unmarked pills?
289
00:10:59,585 --> 00:11:00,921
Or am I gonna have
to track 'em
290
00:11:00,987 --> 00:11:02,223
back to the narcos
that supplied you?
291
00:11:02,290 --> 00:11:04,728
Well, these little
green gel tabs are for gas,
292
00:11:04,795 --> 00:11:07,200
so I'd look up
Pablo Tootscobar
293
00:11:07,266 --> 00:11:10,306
or Joaquin "El Panty Burps"
Guzman.
294
00:11:10,372 --> 00:11:13,212
Let's talk about
your little stop at Costco.
295
00:11:13,278 --> 00:11:15,349
What?
I've never been to Costco.
296
00:11:15,416 --> 00:11:17,053
What even is a Costco?
297
00:11:17,119 --> 00:11:19,959
We have a video of you
walking into one.
298
00:11:20,025 --> 00:11:23,065
Well, if anyone can just say
they have a video of something,
299
00:11:23,131 --> 00:11:25,904
then I have video of you
walking into your own butt.
300
00:11:25,971 --> 00:11:27,173
How you like that?
301
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:28,943
Check and mate.
302
00:11:32,885 --> 00:11:35,523
Yeah, can I get a box of Sudafed
super quick, please?
303
00:11:35,590 --> 00:11:36,458
(sneezes)
304
00:11:36,525 --> 00:11:38,796
Are you kidding me?
One box?
305
00:11:38,863 --> 00:11:39,999
That's all I need.
306
00:11:40,065 --> 00:11:42,504
50% off all
pharmacy purchases.
307
00:11:42,571 --> 00:11:45,510
You don't waste a fifty
percenter on one of anything.
308
00:11:45,577 --> 00:11:47,748
We'll take a case of Sudafed.
309
00:11:47,814 --> 00:11:49,317
No. Two cases.
310
00:11:49,384 --> 00:11:52,256
Ma'am, Sudafed's only
one per customer.
311
00:11:53,158 --> 00:11:54,360
Mother, don't make a scene.
312
00:11:54,427 --> 00:11:58,268
I am making a scene!
313
00:11:58,335 --> 00:12:01,943
("These Boots Are Made for
Walkin'" by Nancy Sinatra plays)
314
00:12:03,546 --> 00:12:04,748
♪ You keep saying... ♪
315
00:12:04,815 --> 00:12:06,151
Violet, what the hell?!
316
00:12:06,217 --> 00:12:08,656
This is the song they played
at the compound in Waco.
317
00:12:08,723 --> 00:12:10,994
‐This will break Gram.
‐♪ These boots are made for walkin' ♪
318
00:12:11,061 --> 00:12:14,434
‐Oh, that's my jam!
‐♪ That's just what they'll do ♪
319
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:18,108
♪ One of these days
these boots are gonna ♪
320
00:12:18,175 --> 00:12:19,812
♪ Walk all over you ♪
321
00:12:19,878 --> 00:12:21,549
♪ Are you ready, boots? ♪
322
00:12:21,615 --> 00:12:23,118
♪ ♪
323
00:12:23,185 --> 00:12:25,623
(song skipping):
♪ You keep saying‐‐ you keep saying ♪
324
00:12:25,690 --> 00:12:27,226
♪ You got something‐‐ ♪
325
00:12:27,293 --> 00:12:29,364
♪ Boots are gonna
walk all over you ♪
326
00:12:29,430 --> 00:12:31,368
(skipping):
♪ Boots are gonna walk all over ♪
327
00:12:31,434 --> 00:12:33,539
♪ Are you ready, boots?
Start walking ♪
328
00:12:33,606 --> 00:12:36,411
♪ You keep saying
you got something for me ♪
329
00:12:36,478 --> 00:12:38,048
♪ You keep saying ♪
330
00:12:38,115 --> 00:12:40,252
♪ You got something for me ♪
331
00:12:40,319 --> 00:12:43,392
‐(skipping): ♪ Boots are gonna‐‐
boots are gonna ♪ ‐(Jenny screams)
332
00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:45,162
‐(Jenny and Violet groaning)
‐(song distorting)
333
00:12:45,229 --> 00:12:47,066
‐(Betty laughing)
‐♪ Boots are gonna... ♪
334
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:50,239
‐(distorted laughing)
‐(song speeding up)
335
00:12:50,305 --> 00:12:55,315
(slowed down):
♪ Walk all over you. ♪
336
00:12:58,355 --> 00:12:59,958
‐(coyote howling)
‐(song continues playing)
337
00:13:00,025 --> 00:13:01,494
VIOLET:
It's going to work.
338
00:13:01,562 --> 00:13:03,766
‐It is going to work!
‐♪ You keep saying... ♪
339
00:13:03,833 --> 00:13:04,802
She's gonna break
340
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:05,770
and tell us how old she is.
341
00:13:05,837 --> 00:13:07,306
But not on Mother.
342
00:13:07,373 --> 00:13:09,578
Don't think it worked at Waco
either. Didn't they blow up?
343
00:13:09,645 --> 00:13:11,247
♪ But confess ♪
344
00:13:11,314 --> 00:13:12,984
‐♪ You've been messing... ♪
‐Oh, forget it.
345
00:13:13,051 --> 00:13:14,788
It's only driving us crazy.
346
00:13:14,855 --> 00:13:16,725
‐(music stops)
‐(groans)
347
00:13:16,792 --> 00:13:17,994
Let's not be so sure.
348
00:13:18,061 --> 00:13:20,265
Hey, Gram, how old are you?
349
00:13:20,332 --> 00:13:24,006
All right.
It's finally time to tell you...
350
00:13:24,942 --> 00:13:26,211
...that if you ask again,
351
00:13:26,277 --> 00:13:28,649
I will throw you out
of this moving vehicle.
352
00:13:28,716 --> 00:13:30,820
♪ ♪
353
00:13:31,488 --> 00:13:33,425
‐DISPATCHER: 911.
‐I don't have much time.
354
00:13:33,492 --> 00:13:36,164
There's an evil RV
headed for the Outer Banks.
355
00:13:36,231 --> 00:13:38,034
Dark Silver Alert.
Not Amber.
356
00:13:38,101 --> 00:13:41,141
‐Are you saying Amber Alert?
‐That didn't come out right.
357
00:13:41,207 --> 00:13:43,913
Look, Wayne Edwards
has an RV full of meth.
358
00:13:43,980 --> 00:13:44,915
He's taking his family
359
00:13:44,982 --> 00:13:46,317
to sleep with the fishes.
360
00:13:46,384 --> 00:13:47,888
Actually, I'm not sure why
I said it that way.
361
00:13:47,954 --> 00:13:49,056
That sounds suspicious.
362
00:13:49,123 --> 00:13:50,492
This is a ticking time bomb.
363
00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:51,494
Oh, that's bad, too.
364
00:13:51,562 --> 00:13:53,265
Oh, kill me!
365
00:13:53,331 --> 00:13:55,068
♪ ♪
366
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:57,072
Okay, that'll be $28.50.
367
00:13:57,139 --> 00:13:59,043
Aren't you forgetting something?
368
00:13:59,110 --> 00:14:00,279
I don't think so.
369
00:14:00,345 --> 00:14:02,049
Oh, so anybody can just
walk in here
370
00:14:02,116 --> 00:14:04,287
and buy spirits
without showing ID?
371
00:14:04,353 --> 00:14:06,424
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
372
00:14:06,491 --> 00:14:09,497
(groans) Okay, Miss.
Let's see some ID.
373
00:14:09,565 --> 00:14:11,936
Hope we don't have
to call your parents.
374
00:14:12,571 --> 00:14:13,573
Cha‐boogity boogity!
375
00:14:13,639 --> 00:14:15,375
Ha‐ha! Got you, you sneaky...
376
00:14:15,442 --> 00:14:19,016
♪ ♪
377
00:14:19,952 --> 00:14:21,187
Oh, come on.
378
00:14:21,254 --> 00:14:24,193
All right, you...
whoever you are.
379
00:14:24,260 --> 00:14:26,397
Do you want to tell me
how you ended up
380
00:14:26,464 --> 00:14:29,571
‐with the driver's license
of a dead woman? ‐No.
381
00:14:30,707 --> 00:14:32,243
You're gonna love this, B.
382
00:14:32,309 --> 00:14:34,748
My sister's a mail carrier
in Winston,
383
00:14:34,815 --> 00:14:38,421
and she goes with a cop
who's burnt out and on drugs,
384
00:14:38,488 --> 00:14:41,160
and he got a driver's license
off a murder victim.
385
00:14:41,227 --> 00:14:42,496
I like where this is going.
386
00:14:42,564 --> 00:14:44,968
I haven't even told you
the best part.
387
00:14:45,035 --> 00:14:47,641
The victim is 38 years old.
388
00:14:47,707 --> 00:14:49,477
‐And her name?
‐(gasps)
389
00:14:49,544 --> 00:14:50,647
NORMA:
Betty Hart.
390
00:14:50,713 --> 00:14:55,055
A legit driver's license
from a younger dead me?
391
00:14:55,122 --> 00:14:56,391
Thank you, Lord,
392
00:14:56,457 --> 00:15:00,767
for delivering me
a murdered woman with my name.
393
00:15:03,606 --> 00:15:07,479
So you're just gonna sit
there and say nothing.
394
00:15:07,547 --> 00:15:08,883
What is there to say?
395
00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:10,352
It's my rightful ID.
396
00:15:10,419 --> 00:15:12,122
Now why don't you ask
my daughter and granddaughter
397
00:15:12,189 --> 00:15:13,559
why they would lure me
out on the road
398
00:15:13,626 --> 00:15:15,495
with the promise of
a family birthday celebration,
399
00:15:15,563 --> 00:15:18,569
only to reveal that
it was all a dumb game?
400
00:15:18,636 --> 00:15:20,740
I'll ask the questions here.
401
00:15:20,807 --> 00:15:23,979
‐Why don't you tell me
about the black bag? ‐Oh, that.
402
00:15:24,046 --> 00:15:27,252
Well, after the fiasco
with my real ID,
403
00:15:27,319 --> 00:15:30,425
I was understandably peeved.
404
00:15:30,492 --> 00:15:32,129
You bunch of butts.
405
00:15:32,196 --> 00:15:33,465
Y'all had me believing
406
00:15:33,532 --> 00:15:35,636
you wanted to do something nice
for my birthday.
407
00:15:35,703 --> 00:15:38,341
I would love to do something
nice if it could be normal,
408
00:15:38,408 --> 00:15:40,278
like a normal mom
having a normal birthday.
409
00:15:40,345 --> 00:15:41,715
Everything's about you,
410
00:15:41,782 --> 00:15:43,753
and yet no one's even allowed
to know your damn age.
411
00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:46,023
Where's your
real driver's license?
412
00:15:46,090 --> 00:15:48,228
Oh, you mean this?
413
00:15:48,294 --> 00:15:50,499
You'll never get it!
414
00:15:54,140 --> 00:15:55,075
(snake hissing)
415
00:15:55,142 --> 00:15:56,077
(all screaming)
416
00:15:56,144 --> 00:15:58,081
Giant snake. Giant snake!
417
00:16:02,189 --> 00:16:03,324
‐(hissing)
‐Oh, my God. Get it out of here.
418
00:16:03,391 --> 00:16:04,728
Show no mercy!
419
00:16:04,795 --> 00:16:06,899
I'm getting
that driver's license!
420
00:16:06,965 --> 00:16:10,305
‐VIOLET: Mom, forget about
the damn driver's license. ‐You'll never get it!
421
00:16:10,372 --> 00:16:13,011
Why is this argument
about a driver's license
422
00:16:13,077 --> 00:16:14,380
and not about a snake?
423
00:16:14,447 --> 00:16:16,919
Just point me towards the snake.
424
00:16:16,985 --> 00:16:19,423
Here, snake! Eat this!
425
00:16:22,897 --> 00:16:25,035
WAYNE:
Die, you son of a bitch!
426
00:16:25,101 --> 00:16:26,905
You little bastard, take it.
427
00:16:26,972 --> 00:16:28,141
Yeah, take it.
428
00:16:28,208 --> 00:16:29,811
Yeah, I killed you!
429
00:16:29,878 --> 00:16:31,715
Killed you dead!
430
00:16:35,756 --> 00:16:38,529
Okay, now let's open up
that snake and get that ID.
431
00:16:38,596 --> 00:16:44,073
No! Just get in the RV so we
can get to the stupid ocean!
432
00:16:49,350 --> 00:16:51,522
♪ ♪
433
00:16:53,024 --> 00:16:53,826
There.
434
00:16:53,893 --> 00:16:55,763
This is what I wanted
to show y'all.
435
00:16:55,830 --> 00:16:59,103
Can you at least put aside
your petty scheming and fighting
436
00:16:59,169 --> 00:17:03,646
long enough to appreciate
something bigger than us?
437
00:17:08,722 --> 00:17:10,593
‐I'm 53.
‐What?
438
00:17:10,660 --> 00:17:14,768
Since y'all were so hell‐bent
on getting the number, I'm 53.
439
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:15,770
Ya happy?
440
00:17:15,836 --> 00:17:17,472
Just 53?
441
00:17:17,540 --> 00:17:22,149
Oh. We just thought it
was a bigger birthday.
442
00:17:23,552 --> 00:17:27,092
53 is how old my mother was
when she passed.
443
00:17:27,159 --> 00:17:29,496
So, yeah, it's a big one.
444
00:17:29,564 --> 00:17:32,369
That's why I didn't want
to celebrate this year.
445
00:17:32,436 --> 00:17:34,373
And if you cared
about me at all,
446
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:37,680
you'd let me be
whatever age I want.
447
00:17:37,747 --> 00:17:38,816
(helicopter whirring)
448
00:17:38,882 --> 00:17:40,987
‐WAYNE: Whoa.
‐JENNY: What?
449
00:17:41,053 --> 00:17:43,291
(sirens wailing)
450
00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:46,364
♪ ♪
451
00:17:46,430 --> 00:17:48,101
(laughs)
I got 'em! Look at this.
452
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:51,541
We have an RV that has been used
in several drug‐related crimes.
453
00:17:51,608 --> 00:17:53,277
We have the inhabitants
of that RV
454
00:17:53,344 --> 00:17:55,616
attempting to purchase
40 pounds of pseudoephedrine.
455
00:17:55,683 --> 00:17:57,486
We have a dead woman
in Winston‐Salem.
456
00:17:57,553 --> 00:17:59,390
We have a drugged‐out
old lunatic holding her ID.
457
00:17:59,456 --> 00:18:01,494
And we have footage
of these animals
458
00:18:01,561 --> 00:18:03,064
disposing of another body,
which we're gonna find
459
00:18:03,131 --> 00:18:05,468
any minute now, once we
track down that landfill.
460
00:18:05,536 --> 00:18:07,406
We got 'em!
Hook, line and sphincter.
461
00:18:07,472 --> 00:18:09,376
Detective,
we tracked down that bag.
462
00:18:09,443 --> 00:18:13,151
‐It is a snake. A huge one.
‐Wh‐what?
463
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:14,453
And they found this in it.
464
00:18:14,521 --> 00:18:18,394
"Betty Hart. Greenpoint,
North Carolina. Age 53."
465
00:18:18,461 --> 00:18:20,131
I think I know
what happened here.
466
00:18:20,198 --> 00:18:23,706
Ms. Hart, this is obviously
your driver's license.
467
00:18:23,772 --> 00:18:26,778
My guess is you bought the
other one on the black market.
468
00:18:26,845 --> 00:18:29,884
Which is still a crime,
but easy to understand.
469
00:18:29,951 --> 00:18:32,122
So if you'll just
confess to that,
470
00:18:32,189 --> 00:18:34,093
you and your family
can be on your way.
471
00:18:34,861 --> 00:18:37,967
I never seen that thing
before in my life.
472
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,269
(Voccola growls)
473
00:18:40,539 --> 00:18:42,309
Just let her go.
474
00:18:42,375 --> 00:18:44,446
No! I need to hear
someone say it.
475
00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:46,785
I just need you to tell me.
476
00:18:46,852 --> 00:18:48,488
How old is Betty Hart?
477
00:18:48,555 --> 00:18:52,129
(sighs) 38. My mother is 38.
478
00:18:52,195 --> 00:18:54,834
(sighs) Jenny,
I can see that you're‐‐ What?
479
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:56,203
In your 20s? Maybe 30?
480
00:18:56,270 --> 00:18:57,507
My God. Thank you.
481
00:18:57,573 --> 00:19:00,044
So you're telling me
that your mom had you
482
00:19:00,111 --> 00:19:03,484
when she was, at maximum...
(chuckles) ...eight years old?
483
00:19:03,552 --> 00:19:06,691
Yes, that's right. She's 38.
484
00:19:08,027 --> 00:19:09,496
Yup, she's 38.
485
00:19:09,564 --> 00:19:11,802
She is 38.
486
00:19:11,868 --> 00:19:13,572
What is wrong with you people?!
487
00:19:13,639 --> 00:19:17,713
‐You really want
to kick that can, don't you? ‐No.
488
00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:20,920
Ah!
489
00:19:21,688 --> 00:19:25,094
Why is it that
no one in your family
490
00:19:25,161 --> 00:19:26,798
will tell me the truth?
491
00:19:26,865 --> 00:19:28,702
‐(gasps) No one?
‐Yes.
492
00:19:28,769 --> 00:19:31,340
Not even that
little troublemaker Violet,
493
00:19:31,407 --> 00:19:33,344
who I should've fed
to that snake?
494
00:19:33,411 --> 00:19:35,816
Your entire family
swears you're 38.
495
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:37,520
Your entire family.
496
00:19:37,587 --> 00:19:40,526
They do?
How sweet of 'em...
497
00:19:41,060 --> 00:19:44,499
...to recognize
my legal age.
498
00:19:44,567 --> 00:19:46,170
If you're lying about this,
499
00:19:46,237 --> 00:19:48,274
how do I know you're not lying
about all of it?
500
00:19:48,341 --> 00:19:49,510
Who's to say?
501
00:19:49,577 --> 00:19:51,213
Maybe I make my meth
with my family
502
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:52,516
in a rolling boom boom bus.
503
00:19:52,583 --> 00:19:54,754
And I love them
more than anything.
504
00:19:54,821 --> 00:19:55,990
Except meth.
505
00:19:56,056 --> 00:19:58,194
‐Uh...
‐Use your good eye, dummy.
506
00:19:58,261 --> 00:19:59,396
They've got her back.
507
00:19:59,463 --> 00:20:00,866
Like a crime syndicate?
508
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:03,437
How 'bout like a family?
509
00:20:03,505 --> 00:20:05,275
TRAVIS:
You got to let 'em go!
510
00:20:05,341 --> 00:20:07,178
(out of breath):
D‐Dark silver. Uh, wrong aura.
511
00:20:07,245 --> 00:20:09,182
Tracked you guys
through the police scanner.
512
00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:10,485
Uh, this is all my fault.
513
00:20:10,552 --> 00:20:12,255
I had the RV first.
514
00:20:12,322 --> 00:20:14,026
So it's your RV?
515
00:20:14,092 --> 00:20:16,297
Uh... nope.
516
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:22,977
Thanks for saving us, Trav.
517
00:20:23,044 --> 00:20:25,381
Thanks for sticking around
for my interrogation.
518
00:20:25,448 --> 00:20:27,185
That one guy's a real hothead.
519
00:20:27,252 --> 00:20:29,958
Their trash can budget
must be insane.
520
00:20:30,759 --> 00:20:33,464
("The Moonbeam Song"
by Harry Nilsson playing)
521
00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:38,742
♪ Have you ever
watched a moonbeam ♪
522
00:20:40,278 --> 00:20:44,353
♪ As it slid across
your windowpane ♪
523
00:20:47,860 --> 00:20:50,899
♪ Or struggled
with a bit of rain ♪
524
00:20:50,966 --> 00:20:54,707
♪ Or danced about
the weather vane ♪
525
00:20:54,774 --> 00:20:57,980
♪ Or sat along
a moving train ♪
526
00:20:58,047 --> 00:21:02,088
♪ And wondered where
the train has been ♪
527
00:21:02,155 --> 00:21:06,363
♪ Ah... ♪
528
00:21:08,969 --> 00:21:13,377
♪ Ah... ♪
529
00:21:15,916 --> 00:21:20,959
♪ Ah... ♪
530
00:21:22,797 --> 00:21:25,001
♪ ♪
531
00:21:30,813 --> 00:21:32,750
‐(meows)
‐(horn honks musically)
532
00:21:32,817 --> 00:21:33,952
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
533
00:21:34,019 --> 00:21:36,056
and TOYOTA.
534
00:21:36,106 --> 00:21:40,656
Repair and Synchronization by
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