Original subtitles

- Hey, I gotta run to the store real quick.

One of the toilets got a broken valve.

- Eeewww. - You know what?

Bring me back a six-pack.

- Of beer?

- No, of abs.

Yes, beer, dumbass.

- It's too early to be drinking. Lush.

- [chuckles] It's alright.

Helps me keep my mind right.

How you think I'm able to deal with you all day?

- [doorbell rings]

- Hi! Good morning!

- Better make that a 12-pack!

- I see y'all didn't do the exorcist last night.

The devil's still here.

- Good morning, y'all.

Baby. Mm, me and Cora about to go thrifting!

- Jeremy, how does feel to be home?

- After being in jail, I got a whole new appreciation for life.

- Y'all get a room. What's all of that?

- We got a room. We got too many rooms.

And they all empty.

- And it's more peace and quiet for me.

- All right, well, if we don't get some residents in here soon,

this place about to be a money pit.

- Thanks to the sheriff, all the buzz for my video is gone.

Just a total waste.

- That's what they should put on your tombstone.

"Here lies Lil' Blackie, a total waste."

[laughs]

- What they should put on yours is, "Here lies Vinny.

RIH."

Rest in Hell! Burn!

- Okay, look, I'm done with y'all.

The good news is, the sheriff is gone.

- That's right! That's right!

- We should have our certificate of occupancy soon,

and then you can make another one of

them lil' DingDong videos, Mr. Brown.

- You know what? The way things go in this town,

it may be months before the inspector even come out.

- Months?

- Yeah, Cora, it don't matter anyway,

'cuz all of my followers gone. - What?

- You know that they blocked me, Cora,

'cuz I said "The Color Purple" was overrated.

And I'm--I'm back down to my original three follow--

two followers?

Cora, you unfollowed me?

- Mr. Brown--Mr. Brown,

"The Color Purple" is a classic.

- Traitor!

- Look like the Brown Bomber done bombed again.

- Okay, a'ight, look, everything's funny right now.

But I'm telling you, we need to figure something out soon

or we ain't gonna have no lights on in here, okay?

- That's good. That's true.

- 'Cuz money and residents,

they're not just falling out the sky.

- [indistinct chatter]

- [doorbell rings] - Ah.

My name is Reginald Junie.

I'd like to inquire about housing.

I can pay a few months in advance.

- What?

- Y'all better get your umbrellas.

Look like it's raining old people with money!

- ♪

♪ No matter what you do, I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go, I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember blood ain't never water ♪

♪ We'll make it if we stay together ♪♪

- Move out the way. Come on in, Reggie. Take a seat.

Let me get your luggage, let me get your luggage.

Here, take that. Let's go.

Let's get you a place to stay.

Have a seat in the good new seats, man.

Have a seat.

Right there, we gonna take care of you, yeah.

- Thank you. - Be cool, be cool.

- Relax, Reggie. - VINNY: Reggie--

- It's Reginald, and thank you.

Uh, I apologize for being so direct, but, uh,

I'm in a bit of a quagmire.

I, uh, need housing immediately.

- I hate when "quack-mires" be happening to me.

They're happening all the time to me.

- Oh, gosh.

- You don't even know what "quagmire" means, do you?

- Not--not really. - Dummy!

- You don't know what it mean either.

- I don't know what it mean,

but I pretended to know longer than he did.

- Grandpa, you don't get points for pretending not to know.

- Yes. Uh, Mr. Reginald, uh, please,

can you just explain to us your difficult situation?

- I recently sold my house and, uh...

somehow got the wrong move out date on my calendar.

So, the new owners showed up this morning and...

I had to procure movers and, uh, vacate at the last minute.

- See, "procure" means when you get your feet done.

- No, that's "pedicure."

"Procure" is a Native American who saved that white boy--

- Shh!

- That's Pocahontas.

Pocahontas, you idiot.

- This facility is for the elderly

and the mentally challenged?

- [laughs] - Whoa, whoa now, hey.

- Yes, you can say that, sir.

Yes, you can say that.

- Why, I was driving by

and thought I'd see if you had any vacancy.

- Oh, yes, sir.

Yeah, we got--we got plenty of room.

- Yeah, we got-- - --for one moment.

- VINNY: They just need to talk about it.

In fact, let me tell you about--

Let me tell you-- whoa, whoa, whoa.

We'll be back, Reggie!

- It's Reginald.

- He cannot stay here!

- Why not? - [scoffs]

- He said he got the money,

and he gonna pay three months in advance.

- And our motto is if he got the cash, we can house that--

- That is not our motto, Vinny.

- Well, it should be.

- For once, I agree with Vinny,

'cuz I need to get a return on my investment.

- We do not have our certificate of occupancy, okay?

Look, only family members are allowed to stay here right now.

- If the Housing Department finds out,

we'll never get our certificate, and you may go back to jail.

Matter of fact, we all may go to jail!

- I ain't goin' no jail.

Y'all go to jail. I ain't goin' to jail.

First thing they'll try to do to me is mess up my face.

I got a model face!

- This is way too risky. - Leah's right again.

I mean, we'll figure out a way to raise some money, y'all.

- How we gonna raise money, Cora?

- Well, we will. We'll figure it out.

- You gonna tell him?

Or do you need me to tell him, baby?

- I will tell him.

- Okay, I love you.

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

- VINNY: Oh, he'll tell him.

He got no problem throwing out a old Black man like he did me

when he choked me and threw me over the couch--

choked me 'til my legs went numb!

- Oh, did he kill you? - No. I'm half dead, though.

- You look like it.

- ♪

- If you don't mind, I'd like to pay six months in advance,

if that's okay. - VINNY: Oh.

Man, let me look at them numbers.

[laughs] Welcome to Pleasant Day, Reggie.

- Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna have your room ready right away.

- It's Reginald. And thank you.

- Let me get the leasing agreement.

You can sign that, settle in, and--

Where we keep the leasing agreements?

- Make up one. Go to the internet.

- We know what we doin', man.

[clears throat] Um, look at here.

If you, uh, find any marijuana plants in the backyard,

they belong to me, okay?

- Marijuana is illegal in Georgia.

- We're in Colorado.

- Boy, your granddaddy about to run off the only tenant we got.

- Who sent you, man?

Narc? 5-0?

FBI?

Child support?

Now, you know I only got one ball, so them twins ain't mine.

- I'm really gonna have to ask somebody to take care of him.

- You know, I--I've got some plastic and a shovel

in my trunk.

If you got some bleach, we can do it today.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not like that.

When did fun-loving, Drop Kick Me, Jesus Mr. Brown

start catching bodies? - Hey, Dad,

we're about to meet up with some friends.

- Hold up, I need y'all to help me out with something important.

- How important?

- Hands up. - What?

- Spread 'em, man, spread 'em! There you go.

You can't come in here. We don't know who you are.

- Extremely important, okay?

I need one of you all to keep Grandpa occupied.

I need the other person to help Mr. Reginald to his room.

- Well, what's it worth to you?

'Cuz my Zoltron Gaming Station 4 is getting kind of old.

I could use that new Zoltron Gaming 5.

- Okay, so you trying to hustle a new gaming system out of me

because you know I'm desperate.

- I mean, do you want my help or not?

- Fine, alright. Remember that, though.

Mm-hmm. And what about you?

- Rihanna has a new skincare line that I'd love to review

on my DingDong account.

- Okay, deal.

- Hey, I called the check cashing place.

His check is good.

He got money.

- ♪

- Now, if you make that move, my bishop can take your queen.

- Oh, you know what?

We had a bishop at my church that took somebody else's queen.

Boy, he got the brakes beat off of him!

- [bell rings]

- And then the bishop, now he sell cars.

Yep, he--uh-oh!

- Hello.

- [laughs nervously] Hey!

- Hey! - Y'all home.

- Yeah, Mr. Reginald's just teaching me some new strategies

for chess.

- Young man is quite gifted.

- Oh, well, I need to speak with you right over here, over here.

Get--get, come on-- - [indistinct mumbling]

- I need to speak with you too, over here.

- Cora, we don't need to get in married people business.

- Now, Mr. Brown! Come on!

- Cora, why you yelling at me?

- Come on over here. You need to talk.

- I thought we agreed that he could not stay here, Jeremy!

- No, no, technically, you and Cora agreed

that he can't stay here.

But the money was just too good to turn down.

- What? Boy, he is over there playing chess.

You got my children involved in this.

- And y'all both know better than that!

- Cora, no, I don't! - Yes, y'all do!

- I don't know no better!

I'm just doing what they daddy said, so he know better, not me!

- We both agreed that they need to take on more responsibility.

Right? - Responsibility?

- Look how much they enjoying it.

- It was six months in advance.

- Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!

He had me cleaning his room,

and something is alive in the sock drawer.

- VINNY: I told you, if you don't bother it,

it won't bother you! Unplug it!

- Uh uh, mm-mm, I'm done.

Let's switch old people. Come on.

I said it's time to switch old people.

Come on, Mr. Reginald. I'll show you to your room.

- I gotta go get a handle for Mr. Reginald's toilet.

- Ooh, hold up, swole up, where are you going?

You gonna leave me here with this mess.

- Everything gonna be fine. Relax!

- [growls]

- All this complaining about.

- Whoo! - Don't pay her no mind.

- [bell rings] - Hello!

I'm Todd from the Housing Department,

here for your surprise inspection.

- Oh my god.

- How you keep doing that?

Every time you open the door, somebody at the door.

Quit opening the door! - Oh my God.

- ♪

- Ain't nobody tell me about no surprise inspection.

- Ha! That's not how surprises typically work.

May I come in?

- Yeah. You know what?

We weren't really expecting you for like three more months.

- And here I am. Would you look at that?

- Yeah, imagine that!

- [nervous laughter]

- Can you excuse me for a second?

- Sure! I'll just need to check the fire alarms

and the extinguishers.

- Yeah, it's outside.

- I hope this was worth the three months of rent in advance

you were talkin' 'bout.

- It was six months in advance.

- [squealing] Damn!

- Okay, look. I know one thing.

I'm not goin' no jail!

I don't want nobody braiding my hair!

- Okay, look.

Everybody just-- let's just take a breath.

[inhales deeply]

Okay, let it out.

Now let's just try to calm down, right?

Calm down.

Maybe we can just-- so, so maybe, um--

we just need to not let the inspector see Reginald.

- Mm-hmm. - Uh, Jeremy?

Have you got a minute? - Ooh--

- The bulb in my ceiling fan blew

when I turned on the hot water.

- Yeah, man, I got it, go ahead.

- LEAH: What we gonna do?

- Okay, you know what?

I'm starting to think that this family is cursed, Cora.

- CORA: I mean, yes-- - Was that your co-owner, Benny?

- Huh? - What you want? Who?

- I'm Vinny. Who the hell are you?

- I'm the inspector. - CORA: Oh!

- Dang it.

- [chuckles] That Vinny!

- How many Vinnys reside here?

- One. - Two.

- I'm confused.

Um, I'm listed the residents here as grandfather Vinny,

Jeremy, wife Leah-- - That's me.

- --daughter "Saendra"--

- It's "Sahndra." - --and son Philip?

- Ooh, Cora, they got all their names.

They all about to go to prison. The kids--

- I'm also seeing a Mr. Brown and Cora Brown

as business partners?

- Cora, who gave him my name?

- Just calm down, Mr. Brown, hm?

- I had to put everybody's name on the application.

- You snitch! - Calm down!

- Alrighty then!

Is that gentleman needing the light bulb, is he family?

- Yeah, nephew, nephew. - Uncle.

Uncle Nephew. - Right, right.

I'm gonna go inspect the exterior, okay?

- Yeah. - But I'm gonna come back

and tour the house and speak with the occupants.

- Alright, we'll see you in a moment.

- Okay!

- Y'all better be glad I'm quick on my feet

and I can think real fast.

Otherwise, we would've been going to jail right now.

- What did you say that helped the situation?

- That was terrible!

They're probably out there calling the SWAT team right now.

- Okay, Cora, well, we better go.

- Well, what are you doing there?

We just can't leave them behind.

- Yes, we can.

- The worst they can do is give us a little slap on the wrist.

Right? Right, right?

- Baby, white people get slaps on the wrist.

Rich people get slaps on the wrist.

We broke and Black as hell.

- [whimpers]

- Well, we can kiss our wrists goodbye.

- All we gotta do-- - Huh?

- --is pass off Reginald as Uncle Nephew,

and then we gonna get our certificate of occupancy, okay?

- You do realize every time you say something like that,

the exact opposite happens?

- Facts. - Every single time!

- Baby-- - Oh, I'm sorry.

- You gonna be that loud?

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, baby.

- Roofing looks fine, check.

- That's good, that's good. - Plumbing is good, check.

Electrical's in decent shape, check.

I'll just need to ask a few questions about the dynamic of

the family here and then I'll be on my way.

- Okay, I'd like the record to reflect--

- What?

- --that I was denied the right to an attorney.

- What are you talking about?

- [sighs] For the last time, Vincent,

this is not a criminal interrogation.

There is no record, and thus no need for an attorney.

- See? That's what they'd like you to believe.

Then they lock you up.

- Will Uncle Nephew be joining us?

- You know what? Earlier he said he wasn't feeling well.

- Yeah, yeah. - I feel terrific.

I think I'm gonna take a walk and check out the neighborhood.

- See? Just what I said.

The exact opposite. Y'all cursed.

- Yep.

- Uncle Nephew! Please, come join us.

- Who?

- No, no, he don't have to join. Just talk to us, man.

- Well, you know, guys, I would like to interview

the whole family as well as the owners.

- Well, neither of those pertain to me, so--

- Ah, ah, Uncle Tom--Uncle Nephew be trying to act like

he not with us.

Yeah, he ain't took his medicine,

so he mucho loco right now.

- Who and what is Uncle Nephew?

- Come on, Reggie, man, stop tripping, man,

you know-- - It's Reginald.

- So, you are not Uncle Nephew?

- What is going on here?

- I can explain.

- Well, I'm glad you can, 'cuz I ain't got nothin' right now.

- There is nothing to explain.

You were trying to pass this man off as a relative

when clearly, he's a tenant,

which, legally, you're not supposed to have.

- That about sums it up.

- I can assure you this will all be going in my report

tomorrow morning. Good day!

- I don't know what type of shenanigans you got goin' on

here, but I won't be a part of it.

I'll be moved out the first thing in the morning.

- Look like we handled that well!

- We did? - Yeah, we goin' to jail, Cora.

- [moans]

- ♪

- VINNY: Huh. - Still no word from him, huh?

- He was pretty upset when he left last night.

I don't think we're going to be hearing from him again.

- Well, at least we get to keep his money.

- No, we're not! We tearin' that check right up!

- Well, it was good to have a resident while it lasted.

- Have you heard from the inspector yet?

- Look, guys, alright.

I messed this one up, okay?

- Y'all gonna learn to listen to Black women.

- LEAH: Mm, hmm-hmm!

Cheers to that. - VINNY: It's hard.

- I'm gonna make this right, okay?

Look, I'm about to go downtown.

I'mma talk to the inspector, make everything good, okay?

- You must like getting locked up.

- And then, baby, I just really don't think that's a good idea.

Grandpa Vinny is right this time.

- I'mma go down there, I'mma get it done.

We're gonna be alright, alright?

- Where's Mr. Reginald? What did you do?

- Why you lookin' at me?

- I told you they took his money and dumped his body.

- What make you think something stupid like that now?

- Yeah.

- Because you had a shovel and plastic in your car.

- Oh, fair point.

- Baby, I can assure you no one has murdered Mr. Reginald, okay?

He just--he decided that, um, I don't know,

Pleasant Days just wasn't a good fit.

- Wait, so no Zoltron Gaming Station 5?

- Okay, forget about that stuff.

I can't believe you guys ran him off.

He was like the grandfather we never had.

- That's cold. That's pretty cold.

- Have you met yourself?

- Fair point.

- I know everybody's upset right now...at me, like always.

But I can't talk about it right now, alright?

Nothing I can do about it. I'll talk to y'all later.

Going downtown.

- Why are you going to the door again?

Stay away from the door!

- [bell rings]

- See? I told you, don't open the door.

Every time you go to the door, like I said, people show up.

Now you gonna send us all to jail.

- Reginald. Inspector.

- May we come in? - Please.

- MR. BROWN: I couldn't see him 'cuz he was behind the counter.

- Oh my lord!

- Um, gentlemen, um, actually--actually,

really glad that you're here

because I was just coming downtown to see you.

I want to apologize for what happened yesterday.

You know, um, I really wasn't trying to deceive you.

- I really appreciate that apology.

- No, no, he was talking to him

'cuz we was definitely trying to deceive you.

- All day long!

- Come on.

- Okie-dokie, pokey.

Let's just get this over with, shall we?

Here is your certificate of occupancy.

- What! - Oh, man.

- How did that happen? - Hold on.

- Well, I was in the middle of writing up my report

to deny your permit based on the grounds

of illegally having a tenant

when the judge stopped by my office to explain

that he wasn't a tenant.

- Mr. Reginald, you're a judge? - A judge?

- Retired.

- Wait a minute. You Judge Junie?

- You know, I thought you looked familiar.

You locked me up in 1983 in Augusta on a counterfeit charge

for selling some fake Thriller jackets.

It's a shame what that sun did to them jackets.

It's like soup, it was sad. Very sad.

- I don't understand.

You were a tenant. You signed the lease.

- I did, but this morning I was looking at the lease,

and I realized that you downloaded a CA instead of a GA.

And since that lease was for the state of California,

I was never your tenant on this property.

- Wow. - Yes!

- Congratulations, fam.

You are officially open for business--

or whatever it is you got going on up in here.

- Thank you, Mr. Inspector! - Thank you, Inspector.

- Don't mention it.

Seriously, don't mention it.

- Thank you, white man!

- And if it's not too much to ask,

I'd like to have my old room back.

- Okay, Mr. Reginald, I have to ask.

Why the change of heart?

- My wife and I divorced in our 40's

and we never had any children.

So for the last 30 years,

I've been completely focused on my job.

And yesterday, for the first time in a long while,

I experienced what it was like to be with a family again.

A--A highly dysfunctional one.

- Here. - Here.

- And slightly psychotic.

- [agreeing]

- But a family nonetheless.

- Welcome home, Mr. Reginald.

- You know what, Mr. Reggie?

You're about to make me cry!

- Mr. Reginald.

- Can I hug you?

- Yeah, bring it on, baby.

- [cries]

- LEAH: Aww, look at that!

- [indistinct chatter]

- Oh man, I'm so glad y'all here.

In front of the whole family--

- [laughter]

- CORA: You're bearing gifts? - Yeah, you know it.

You know how I do. Here you go, baby.

There's your makeup. - Thanks, Daddy.

- JEREMY: You're welcome, sweetie.

And the big one?

- [indistinct chatter] - [laughs]

Ah, ta-da!

- What--what--what is this?

- You know what it is. You know better.

- This is my Zoltron 4 and the original Zoltron.

- Zoltron 4 plus Zoltron 1 make what, y'all?

- ALL: Five.

- It looks like 5 to me, 5. - I shoulda asked for a 8.

It's not cool.

- Aw, man, I feel so bad.

- [laughs]

- Look, uh, Mr. Reginald, thank you so much, man.

You really came through for us.

We appreciate him, right?

- Surely my pleasure.

I really didn't care for his ostentatious behavior.

- [laughs] So he was a eye doctor!

- No, dummy.

That's optometrist.

Ostentatious is a British spy, fool.

- No, no, no, that's Austin Powers.

Ostentatious is that brand of hot dogs.

- Oscar Meyer.

Ostentatious is the truck from "Transformers."

Everybody know that.

- That's Optimus Prime, silly.

Ostentatious is the capital of Texas.

- Uh uh, baby. No, no, no, no.

That is Austin, Texas.

Ostentatious is that song by The Gap Band, baby!

- No, ma'am, that's "Outstanding" by The Gap Band.

- So, what's "ostenatious"?

- ♪

- ♪

- ♪

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0