Original subtitles

Why is the whole school empty? And where's Mrs. Mills?

There's only one explanation.

We're the last survivors of a zombie attack.

There's no such thing as zombies.

(scream)

Look how its rotting flesh barely hangs onto its decomposed body!

And those eyes. Those cold, dead eyes.

(grunts)

Like the rest of your class,

Mrs. Mills got food poisoning from the cafeteria.

Apparently, buying a truck full of tuna fish for twelve dollars

was not as good a deal as I thought.

I knew to stay away from that lunch special.

Fish are not supposed to have feet.

Anyway, instead of class, we will be having a scavenger hunt

and the winning team gets a week off school!

(all cheer)

Okay, Lexi and Chyna, you two have never had much of a rivalry,

so to keep things friendly, why don't you be team captains? (giggles)

-Chyna, you pick first. -Okay.

Me! Pick me! Over here!

I want to be fair about this, so,

my mother told me to pick the very best one and you are it.

If I were stopping right now

but I am going to keep going until I land on Olive.

Doyle.

Lexi, it's your turn.

Me! Pick me! Over here!

All right, I'm going to pick someone who's loyal, will do everything I say,

and has pretty hair.

Thank you. I washed it three days ago.

Not you. Paisley.

(gasps) Yay!

Now for this scavenger hunt, I should tell you

that I do not have a hunting license.

Okay, so Chyna picks me, and you get Cameron.

What? Cameron? No!

Even if one of the things on the list we had to find was Cameron,

we wouldn't want Cameron.

Sorry, Fletcher, but I'm picking my brother.

Chyna, can we have a quick team meeting, in private?

Just real quick, come on.

(giggle)

(yelling) Cameron? You picked that idiot, Cameron?

Look, he may not seem school smart, but he's street smart. I'll show you.

Cameron, what street do we live on?

Wait! I know this.

See? He's useless.

Just a minute ago he believed we were under attack by zombies!

(groans)

(scream)

Mrs. Mills, you obviously ate the tuna fish.

Take a sick day.

♪ Ooh, doo, doo ♪

♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo ♪

Whoo!

♪ Everybody's got that thing ♪

♪ Something different we all bring ♪

♪ Don't you let 'em clip your wings ♪

♪ You got it, you got it ♪

♪ We're on fire and we blaze ♪

♪ In extraordinary ways ♪

♪ 365 days ♪

♪ We got it, we got it ♪

♪ You can dream it ♪

♪ You can be it ♪

♪ If you can feel it ♪

♪ You can believe it ♪

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional exceptional Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

-♪ Hey! ♪ -♪ Ooh ♪

Whoo!

(Skidmore) Okay, to discover the first item you need to find,

unscramble these letters.

It's a trick. Those letters aren't scrambled at all.

This is gonna be a long day.

Should have had the fish.

Boom. Solved it.

"White mouse." So obvious. What else could it be?

Got it! "Mwite house!"

Looks like we're off to Mwashington, D.C.!

(train bell rings)

Okay, so I figured out a way to get a white mouse.

All right.

(plays)

The pied piper's music attracted rats, not mice.

And, more importantly, he was make-believe.

I know, but

now we'll have enough money to go to a pet store and buy a mouse.

Thank you. Thank you.

Ooh!

Thank you.

(Cameron) I already went and bought the last mouse.

Unfortunately, it was just fed to this boa constrictor.

(snake rattles)

Oh. (giggles)

No problem. We just need to figure out

how to do the Heimlich maneuver on a snake.

Actually, I think he's doing the Heimlich maneuver on me.

Aww, he's hugging you.

That or he's trying to devour you whole.

Either way, it's adorable!

Help me.

Okay. I got this.

(plays charming melody)

-(Olive) Chyna. -Hm?

That's not how you charm a snake. You charm a snake like this.

(clears throat)

Hey there, big boa.

What's a Reptilia Squamata like you doing in a place like thissss?

All right, we need a white mouse and failure is not an option.

Which means you two need to shape up!

You! Stomach in, chest out!

You! Stomach out, chest in!

I want to have the best figure on the team.

Don't worry. We'll be the victors!

We have to change our names?

Would you just let him talk?

I'm sorry. Victor, you were saying?

I have designed a Rube Goldberg trap in the hallway

to catch a mouse.

The mouse takes the cheese,

which is tied to a pin, pops a balloon,

scaring a fat lady, causing her to shriek,

shatters a glass vase,

which sends a cat running, which starts a chain saw,

cuts through a crate, releases a flock of ducks,

which drops a metal box onto the mouse.

-(pop) -(woman shrieks)

-(glass breaks) -(cat yowls)

(chainsaw buzzes)

(ducks quack)

(crash)

What was that?

(makes effort)

That's not a mouse! That's Rube Goldberg.

Don't worry. I can set it up again.

We just have to find those ducks.

(ducks quack)

Found them.

Principal Skidmore!

What do you want?

We have a white mouse! Show her, Cameron.

-(snake rattles) -(gasps)

Um, half-digested counts, right?

We did it! We found a white mouse!

Rube Goldberg lent it to me. He's in my Internet shopping class.

It's called computer science.

But I will accept the white computer mouse.

Congratulations to Lexi's team. They've won the first round!

-(cheers) -What?

Lexi, Lexi, she's the best! So much better than the rest!

Especially Chyna!

Yeah, well it's not over until the fat lady sings.

Don't you dare!

(train bell rings)

(Skidmore) For your next clue, finish the rhyme in this riddle.

"He was a genius, pretty darn smart,

so try to find me Edison's last..."

...of the Mohicans!

(giggles)

Let me do this! See, I'm a songwriter.

And if there's anything I know, it's rhymes. All right.

-Edison's last art. -No.

-Apart. -No.

-Artificial heart. -No.

-Bart. -No.

-Bar chart. -No.

-Bleeding heart. -No.

-Bit part. -No.

-Body part. -No.

-Cart. -No.

-Dart. -No.

-Eye chart? -No.

Okay, well, we can go ahead and skip "fart,"

because it's clearly not "Edison's last fart."

Edison's last fart it is! You are correct!

What? That makes no sense.

Actually, it does.

On Edison's death bed, his last breath was collected into a test tube,

which is currently on display at the Henry Ford Museum

in Dearborn, Michigan.

I guess they also collected his last fart.

Someday, I hope to be treated with the same honor and reverence.

(bell rings)

Okay, we should be able to find what we need here.

Welcome to Hippo's Scavenger Hunt Emporium.

Also known as the stuff from my late grandmother's apartment.

What happened to Hippo's Haunted Coffee House?

Scaring people holding scalding hot beverages turned out to be a bad idea.

I know this will sound crazy, but we need Thomas Edison's...

Last fart? You came to the right place.

Step over to my Famous Flatulence section.

We've got Genghis Khan's last fart, Benjamin Franklin's last fart,

Henry VIII's last fart.

You know eight Henrys?

We're all named Victor.

(gasps) Here's Thomas Edison's last fart.

But it says "Sold."

Someone must have ordered it online.

Hippo! We're here for our fart.

We were here first. We have dibs.

That's not fair!

Sorry, Chyna, I'd like to help you,

but now they're throwing around legal terms like "dibs."

That's ours!

-Give me that fart! -Hey!

(all clamor)

Chyna, here! Toss it to me!

-(gasps) -(gas hisses)

(all exclaim)

Oh, the historical stench!

My eyes! They historically burn!

I got it! Let's go!

Chyna, how can you stand these fumes?

I've shared a bathroom with Cameron my whole life.

Compared to that, this smells like a warm batch of cookies. Come on!

(snif)

Ah. The smell of genius.

Well, it's actually an improvement on your usual perfume.

Looks like we're tied.

Not for long.

(pant)

I didn't say "a Giants hat." I said "a giant's hat." Like that.

Point, Lexi's team.

Woo hoo! Yes!

Here it is. The world's smallest air horn.

(air horn blows loudly)

Point, Chyna's team!

(yelling) What?

Principal Skidmore!

Here it is. A giraffe!

It's my dad's. He won it in a giraffle.

I didn't say I wanted a statue of a giraffe.

Well, what were we supposed to do, get a real giraffe?

(Paisley) I'm sorry, guys. I couldn't find a giraffe.

And I rode all over town looking for one on my long-necked horse.

(groans)

(grunts)

Hey!

(Skidmore) For the next round, get the autograph of my favorite filmmaker.

As a clue, I've recreated a scene from one of his movies.

Quick! Who directed The Old Hag in a Gold Bikini?

I'm Princess Leia!

In George Lucas's Star Wars: Return of the Jedi.

I think I know why the Jedi left in the first place.

Okay, so George Lucas lives just north of the city.

Cameron, you have the map. How far are we from Skywalker Ranch?

About two inches.

-(pants) Okay. -You think this is the right place?

(gate buzzes)

Well, the mailbox did say "George Lucas Presents:

A George Lucas Production of George Lucas' House" so...

(beep)

(all gasp)

(beeps)

Wow, it's the real R2-D2!

If you were one-fiftieth your size and still in the original packaging,

you'd be worth like, 35 dollars!

Wow. I don't understand a word he's saying,

and I speak 57 languages.

(C-3PO) Fifty-seven is nothing, my little blonde humanoid.

I am fluent in over six million forms of communication.

Including street slang. So yo, step off, fool!

(gasp)

C-3PO! You're here, too?

Well, of course. We work here. Master Lucas is very loyal.

Once you work for him, you're employed for life.

Lord Vader is head of security. Boba Fett tends the garden.

And Chewbacca cleans the pool.

(Chewbacca groans)

Oh stop complaining! It's your fur that keeps clogging the filter!

(beeps)

Look, Mr. PO, uh,

we really need George Lucas' autograph before this girl Lexi from school gets it.

Unless she already has it.

(beeps)

R2 says he might be able to help.

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

Oops, R2, you're playing the wrong image.

Last time we were at Hippo's, I remember seeing

some Star Wars memorabilia signed by George Lucas

right before I went fart-blind.

Hey, guys! Welcome to my delicious apple store,

the place for all your apple needs!

Can I interest you in a dual core processor?

It cores two apples at the same time.

What happened to all the scavenger hunt stuff?

Turns out Grandma was just napping.

Besides, scavenger hunts are very out right now.

And apparently, people are lining up for apple products.

Although for some reason, business here is very slow.

Finally! Every apple store I go to sells computers.

And they taste awful!

(bites)

Great. There's no way we're going to win now.

(in British accent) I find your lack of faith disturbing.

(chokes)

How are you doing that?

(spits)

Oh, I was just choking on this piece of apple.

Guys, this is our chance to tie things up!

Um, we really need Mr. Lucas's autograph!

I'm sorry, but Master Lucas is not taking visitors today.

Let me handle this. Look, it's Admiral Ackbar!

What? He should be baking the afternoon scones!

I wouldn't do that, sir.

Oh, yeah? Who's going to stop me?

Good job, Cameron.

Maybe after this we can go to Jurassic Park and you can anger the raptors.

Fire away! We're not leaving without that autograph!

And you tell Boba Fett

that these grass clippings should not go in the recycling bin!

(gasps) We did it! We got George Lucas' signature.

And we didn't fake it or anything!

-Okay, point Chyna's team! -Yes!

Okay. And now, I will present

the final and tie-breaking clue using charades.

(clears her throat)

Um, you need a hearing aid! You're old and you need a hearing aid!

Sounds like... Aging spinster!

(Fletcher) Wrinkled old bat!

We need to find a wrinkled old bat!

You kids are terrible at charades!

It's obvious. We need to get a bell

from a San Francisco cable car.

What? She dropped her list.

Along with this coupon for mole hair conditioner.

Give me that!

Come on, Cameron. We need to hurry.

Forget it. I've been holding you back all day.

That's not true. You've been great.

Yeah. You know, other than be eaten by a snake,

destroying the greatest farts in history, getting us shot at with lasers,

and worst of all, woefully folding this map.

See?

Go without me. I'll just mess things up.

(audience awes)

(faintly) Cameron, come back.

We really need you. We're a team.

Okay, well, I tried. Come on, let's go win this thing.

Chyna.

Lexi.

This cable car isn't big enough for the both of us.

Actually, yes, it is. See? Maximum capacity is sixty.

(giggles) Would you excuse me just for like, one second?

Let's go. Thank you. (giggles)

-This bell is mine! -Hey! No, it's mine!

Give it!

It's mine!

(both scream)

Whoa! Hold on!

I got it! I got the bell!

Lexi, give me the bell and give me your other hand! I'll pull you up!

No way! I'm not giving you the bell. I will not lose to you again.

What?

Hey guys, look! My house!

Okay, look, I know you see me as a enemy, but we need each other.

Just like Luke Skywalker needed Darth Vader to make him a better Jedi.

Wait, so you're saying Lexi is your father? Uh!

(Chyna) Uh!

Okay. You know what?

Just forget about the competition.

I don't want anything to happen to you.

Just let go of the bell. Please.

(pants)

Fine.

(clatters)

(grunt)

(pants) Thank goodness you're okay!

Who says I'm okay? I'm missing one of my earrings!

(thuds)

(car honks)

Well, that's very disappointing news about the bell.

But luckily no one got hurt.

As I said, very disappointing news about the bell.

Hey everybody!

Guess who I found wandering around the city in a loopy daze?

The mayor!

(sighs) After I got him home, I ran into Cameron.

(gasps) Cameron! How did you get this?

(Cameron) I was on the porch,

wondering how you would ever get that bell, and then it hit me.

(loud clang)

Ow!

Thank you! Oh, this has great sentimental value.

I had my first kiss under this bell.

When? In 1896?

No, smart guy.

It was two years ago.

Well, I guess we ended up winning,

but it could have gone either way.

Good game, Lexi.

What? Good game?

You cannot be serious!

When I win, then it's a good game! I am so angry!

(Yoda-like voice) Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

Ooh!

Mrs. Mills, you look even worse. Go to urgent care!

And may the force be with you.

So, I guess we get a week off from school.

Yes. It's called spring break.

Oh, and the losing team can have the same week off school.

-Yes! -Yes!

Cameron, you know what?

I'm really glad I picked you. We won today because of you.

(sighs) Yeah, we did, didn't we?

It was pretty amazing.

What are the odds that out of nowhere, a bell hits me in the head?

(bell buzzes and clangs)

Oh!

(birds chirp)