Original subtitles

(Snakes hissing)

Ugh, I am having a bad snake day.

I can't believe Halloween is in three days. (Giggles)

I know. It seems like only yesterday Halloween was in four days.

This is definitely my favorite holiday.

This is the one day a year we mutants don't stick out like sore thumbs.

Especially Tom.

Hey, Big Brain.

So, want to go to the Halloween party with me on Friday?

Angus, the only way I'd go with you is if you were the last boy on Earth!

That can be arranged.

(Growls)

(All screaming)

(Theme song playing)

(Whoo!)

♪ Everybody's got that thing ♪

♪ Something different we all bring ♪

♪ Don't you let 'em clip your wings ♪

♪ You got it You got it ♪

♪ We're on fire and we blaze ♪

♪ In extraordinary ways ♪

♪ 365 days ♪

♪ We got it We got it ♪

♪ You can dream it ♪

♪ You can be it ♪

♪ If you can feel it ♪

♪ You can believe it ♪

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional Exceptional ♪

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional Exceptional ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh ♪

(Whoo!) (Screaming)

That's weird.

Why do they have a statue of my uncle Clarence?

Welcome to Hippo's House of Halloweenies,

for all your Frankenstein and frankfurter needs.

We're looking for human costumes.

Something that will make us look hideous and misshapen.

You know, like you.

I didn't achieve this with a costume.

It took years of poor diet and improper hygiene.

Okay, here's the mask for your costume.

Do you have any other questions?

Yeah. The weird guy in the litter box, is he okay?

Is someone coming to get him?

No, I meant important questions,

like what's my phone number, am I free Saturday night,

are my eyelashes real?

And yes, they are.

Lexi, I finished my business.

Get the little scoop.

(Panting) Fletcher, look at that guy.

Have you ever seen anyone so gorgeous?

That mutant may be the man of my bad dreams.

Sure, he's deformed and grotesque, but is he a good listener?

(Clearing throat)

Cool snakes.

I love the way they actually move. Are they poisonous?

(Laughs) Yes, they're poisonous. Deadly poisonous.

I'm Chyna.

You're kidding.

I'm named after a country, too.

My name's Holland. My last name's Hayes.

That's right, Holland Hayes.

My name is a sauce.

(Chuckles)

My parents really set me up to fail.

(Both) I haven't seen you around here before.

(Both) Me either.

(Both) Wow, it's like you're in my head.

-Jinx! -Right.

Because we keep saying things at the same time.

No, I mean we're literally jinxed.

The black cat just crossed our path.

Violet, bring that induction coil!

I have a better idea.

Why don't I wrap it around your scrawny little...

(Electricity crackling)

Yes, Monster.

You know, you're much easier to work with ever since

I installed those obedience bolts.

Thank you, sir.

Any chance you could get me a backpack with wheels?

Aw, that looks heavy.

Deal with it!

(Grunts)

Being a mad scientist and a full-time student is so stressful!

I just have too much on my plate!

Speaking of plates,

I don't mean to complain

but I haven't been fed in a while.

See, that's the problem with you assistants.

You always want to be fed.

Well, maybe I should feed on your oversized...

(Electricity crackling)

Cockroaches will be fine, sir.

I'm swamped with lab work and homework.

I mean, how am I supposed to write a term paper

on Napoleon taking over the world

and still have time to take over the world?

Sometimes I just wish there were two of me.

Well, that's a frightening thought.

Wait...

There can be!

(Warbling)

My cloning pod works!

It's Olive! Olive!

Golly gee! What a gruesome day to be alive!

Look out, world, here I come!

Sorry! It won't happen again!

Don't worry, everybody makes mistakes.

It's how you learn!

Wow, she is nothing like you.

-Ooh, what's this do? -No!

(Electricity crackling)

I'm starting to see the resemblance.

Fancy meeting you here, stranger.

Oh, I'm not Stranger. That's Stranger.

And those are her sisters, Strange and Strangest.

-I'm sorry, have we met? -Wow.

You wear that costume all the time.

You're like my brother and his Spider-Man costume,

only he's 40 and unemployed.

Costume? What costume?

You are so funny.

Anyway, um, I just transferred to this school.

I had no idea you went here.

Yup. (Chuckles) I do.

Hey, let's play that game

where we both say our names out loud,

together, at the exact same time.

You go first.

Okay.

Holland.

(Gasps)

Huh. This game is even less fun than I thought it was gonna be.

Holland? But you're...

(Shrieks)

Is something wrong?

Oh... No, I'm just so happy to see you!

I always shriek when I'm happy.

Look! The Gardening Club is looking for new members!

(Shrieking)

I can't wait to take over the world

with a smile on my face and a song in my heart!

(Elevator music playing)

Why does her heart play music?

It must be a glitch in my machine.

Just make sure she writes my paper and doesn't leave this room,

or your next meal will be your own foot!

I always enjoy our little chats, sir.

Ugh.

Oh. I don't want to stay inside and do homework.

There's so much I want to see, like an apocalypse,

or a squirrel water-skiing.

No, no, you heard Olive.

You have to get cracking on that term paper.

Gosh darn it, sometimes I wish there were three of me.

Wait...

There can be!

(Warbling)

What's good, my monstas?

Oh. No, no, this is bad.

No, this is good.

She can write the paper on Napoleon,

while I'll go try a soft pretzel for the first time.

I've heard nothing but good things!

So, get to work, Olive Number Three.

Yo, call me Trey.

(Electricity crackling)

Not cool, Trey. What was that for?

Sorry, bro. I butt-zapped you.

You're interested in a human?

Do you even know anything about humans?

Well, no. But I really like this one.

The only problem is he thinks I'm a human!

You have a head full of snakes! What is he, an idiot?

Could you please stop pacing back and forth?

You're making me nervous.

Oh. Sorry.

I'll fly back and forth.

Wings!

Oh, your wings came in!

I just lost my last baby fang. We're growing up so fast.

What am I going to do?

If Holland finds out I'm a monster, he'll never go out with me.

I guess I only have one option.

Forget you ever met him and run into the arms of the nearest vampire?

I think I have a better idea.

Hello, Holland! It's me, Chyna, your fellow human.

So, how about them

local sports team?

Holland! Hi! (Chuckles)

Did you come back to ask me out?

Actually, I'm on a date.

-With who? -With me.

No, seriously, with who?

Can we just order? What would you like?

Well, according to a recent Internet search,

humans consume up to four tons of toast per day.

I am one of those humans.

Therefore, I will have toast.

We're out of toast.

Oh, nothing for me then.

I had lots of toast before I came.

I'm not sure we should eat here anyway.

I think I just saw a mouse.

(Hissing)

What was that hissing sound?

Um, that was me.

That's just how I laugh.

A mouse in a restaurant? That's so funny.

(Mimics hissing)

I got him!

(Meows)

Anyway, for the party on Friday,

I was thinking it'd be fun for us to do a two-person costume together.

Ooh, how about two pieces of toast in a toaster?

You really like toast.

I'm only human.

How's the paper going?

Almost done, homie.

"In conclusion, Napoleon was a straight up thug,

flexing all the time all up in other people's turf."

Word.

(Electricity crackles)

What was that for?

(Electricity crackles)

Seriously, why are you...

(Electricity crackles)

Oh, that was my phone.

I don't know why I have it set on "shock."

Mom, I can't talk. I'm at work.

Did you finish the paper?

Killed it. This paper is representin'.

It's gonna be rainin' A's.

I don't know why I didn't think of a homework clone before.

Here's my new calculus assignment.

Do it!

Oh, man, calculus is whack!

Ain't no way I'm doing this.

But you know who will?

(Warbling)

Cheerio, old chaps.

Okay. Get it over with.

(Electricity crackling)

Jolly good fun!

I think we should go with this one.

You sure? It's so hot,

I feel like I'm wearing two costumes,

which I'm obviously not, because

that would be ridiculous. (Chuckles nervously)

(Screams)

What are you doing in there?

Just hangin' around.

All right, I'm spying on Chyna on her date.

He stole my girl.

How does he look at himself in the mirror?

Seriously, I'd like to know. Is there a trick or something? I mean...

Chyna?

-That girl is not Chyna. -It is.

She doesn't want him to know she's a mutant,

so she's pretending to be a human.

She's not being very convincing.

She's not even eating toast.

Well, it would be a shame

if he were to find out the truth about her.

(Laughing wickedly)

That's not an evil laugh.

This is an evil laugh.

Tee hee hee!

Holland, it's time for you to see the real Chyna!

Sorry. Let me try that again.

Holland, it's time for you to see the real Chyna!

Oh, come on!

Holland, it's time for you to see the real Chyna!

Hello, fellow human.

How about that weather and/or politics we're having?

This is the real Chyna! She's a mutant!

She's joking, right?

No, it's true.

(Screams)

-Stop following me! -Not trying to!

Thanks, but I could've gotten out of the tree myself.

I took Chyna's head off and Holland still doesn't notice how beautiful I am!

I could tell him about all the beauty pageants I've won, but...

I don't want to sound braggy.

So I just wore this.

You're trying too hard, sweetie.

The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

See? Watch.

(Gasps)

(Screams)

Ooh, free samples.

Thanks. I'll save it for dessert.

So, any chance you'll reconsider being my date to the party?

A party? I've heard about these things called parties.

Sure, I'd love to go!

-Really? -Mmm-hmm.

You're not just pulling my leg, are you?

Because this one is rotting and if you do, it'll fall right off.

Son of a clone!

Violet!

Why did I just see... Huh.

I thought I saw my clone out in the hallway...

That's impossible, sir.

There's only one clone and it's been in here the whole time.

Right?

No hablo ingles, senorita.

What?

Uh, we've been doing your Spanish homework.

Huh.

I must've just imagined seeing it.

(Stammering) Because you're stressed out.

You know what would help you relax, sir? Yoga.

You're right. Good idea.

Yoga!

Can you fit me in for a brain massage?

Good cover, number four.

(Speaking spanish)

(With English accent) I'm number four.

I created another clone so I could have a spot of tea.

Olive, I need your help to solve this situation with Holland.

I'm prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice.

All right!

Okay, okay! The second most ultimate sacrifice.

I want you to turn me human so me and Holland can be together.

Can you do that?

Sure. I mean, if that's what you want.

This machine can turn you human, it can clone you,

and it's also a fun carnival game.

(Carnival music playing)

This is how she pays me.

But with nickels. It really hurts.

Sorry we didn't give you a ride, Tom.

My mom doesn't pick up hitchhikers.

Holland? Is that you?

Chyna?

Yeah, it's me.

Listen, I'm so sorry... No, no, look, I was wrong.

So you're a monster.

But you're also sweet, and kind, and funny.

I don't care what you look like, so you can take off that costume.

(Chuckles)

That's the best part. This isn't a costume.

I had Olive turn me into a human so we could be together!

You're a human now?

Please tell me you're kidding.

You don't like this look?

Tom does. He gave it a thumbs up.

No, you look great.

It's just that this isn't a costume either.

I had Olive turn me into a monster, so we could be together.

Hmm.

Could you excuse me for one minute?

(Screaming) Olive!

How could you turn Holland into a monster?

It defeats the entire point of turning me human!

I didn't turn him into a monster.

Well, if you didn't, then who did?

I'll do whatever it takes to be with Chyna.

Even if it means being gruesome.

Yo, I don't need to hear your life story.

What I need is them Benjamins.

Huh. Would you excuse me for one minute?

(Screams) Violet!

Not now, Olive! Olive, Olive, Olive, Olive and I are playing Clone Wars.

(Lasers firing)

Look, if we're both willing to not be ourselves to be together,

why don't we try to be ourselves and be together?

(Sighs) It's kind of too late for that.

No, it's not. I can change you back remotely from my Mutant Pad.

But be warned, the reversion process does have side effects,

such as headaches, dizziness, dry mouth, wet mouth, no mouth,

and chronic yodeling.

I don't understand.

How could he like that monster instead of me?

Tell me the truth, Hippo.

How pretty am I on a scale of 9 to 10?

I know what will cheer you up! Some live entertainment.

Hey, Lexi, you have a great voice.

(Chuckles)

Could you announce to everyone that Chyna is going to sing?

(Grunts in anger)

(Chyna) Wings!

(Laughing)

(Dance music playing)

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Lost in the dark, it's midnight, midnight ♪

♪ Stuck in between, I can't hide, can't hide ♪

♪ Everywhere I turn, they're out to get me on their side ♪

♪ I'm freaking out in m-m-m-m-my mind ♪

♪ There's something in the air ♪

♪ Shadows everywhere ♪

♪ Never been so scared ♪

♪ Beware, beware ♪

♪ I got my scream on ♪

♪ I feel that fear ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, I'm torn ♪

♪ Between that and here ♪

♪ I gotta choose the side I'm on ♪

♪ Before the break of dawn ♪

♪ Yeah, I got my scream on ♪

♪ I feel that fear ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, I'm torn ♪

♪ Between that and here ♪

♪ I gotta choose the side I'm on ♪

♪ Before the break of dawn ♪

♪ Yeah I got my scream on ♪

Wasn't that great, sir?

(Speaking spanish)

I'm sorry, what?

(Electricity crackling)

It worked! How do you feel Holland?

(Yodeling)

Don't look at me. I warned you about the side effects.

(Chuckles) Anyway, now we can be ourselves,

and there's nothing keeping us from being together.

I know.

Oh, yeah... Before I forget, one little thing.

Do not gaze directly into the eyes of my snakes,

or you'll turn to...

Man... Not again!

Oh, well.

Just put him in storage, with the rest of my ex-boyfriends.