Original subtitles

Okay, there's Chyna.

How's my breath?

Why did you do that?

I'm the one asking her out!

Oh. I had garlic pancakes for breakfast

and I wanted to know if you could smell them.

Yes! I can smell them!

So, Chyna,

that $200 million movie

based on the popular game opens this weekend.

Oh! You mean, Tic-tac-toe: The Movie?

I have been dying to see it ever since I saw the trailer!

"In a world torn apart by the war between the X's and the O's,

"three rebels, Tic, Tac, and Toe

"must fight for the future of mankind."

I know! I heard it's even better than

Duck, Duck, Goose: The Movie.

And, I happen to have two tickets to see it on Saturday night.

Really? That's awesome! Have a great time.

Wow.

That was the saddest thing I've ever seen.

And I've seen a grown man riding a moped.

Hey! My dad cares about the environment!

Look, when it comes to women,

subtlety is not the way to go.

You have to ask them out over and over again,

and eventually you'll wear them down and they'll stop saying no.

Really? Does that work?

Watch and learn.

Hey, Olive. Want to go out with me Saturday night?

I'd rather be tied to a cactus in the desert

and slowly eaten by buzzards.

See?

She didn't say no.

(Theme song playing)

(Whoo!)

♪ Everybody's got that thing ♪

♪ Something different we all bring ♪

♪ Don't you let 'em clip your wings ♪

♪ You got it You got it ♪

♪ We're on fire and we blaze ♪

♪ In extraordinary ways ♪

♪ 365 days ♪

♪ We got it We got it ♪

♪ You can dream it ♪

♪ You can be it ♪

♪ If you can feel it ♪

♪ You can believe it ♪

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional Exceptional ♪

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional Exceptional ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh ♪

(Whoo!)

So, Paisley, even though we're partnered on this psychology project,

I want you to know that I'll be in charge.

So don't worry, you'll get an easy A.

Oh, I like my A's over easy.

Anyway, my theory is,

if you place a weak person in a position of authority,

they'll go mad with power.

So for our subject, we just need to find someone weak.

Well, don't pick me. I'm not weak.

I don't know my own strength.

"Strength" means "address," right?

I mean, we need to find someone totally powerless,

completely lacking in respect.

Guys, "Kick Me" signs go on the back.

It doesn't work if I can see it.

(Ow!)

How did you read that sign from back there?

What sign?

Okay, tiger.

There's Chyna.

Now remember,

don't take no for an answer.

-You really think I can do this? -No.

Yeah, you're probably right.

I just said don't take no for an answer!

Go!

Hey, Chyna. Will you go out with me?

Fletcher, I'm sorry, but no.

I don't think it's a good idea.

I understand. Will you go out with me?

As I said four seconds ago, no.

I don't think it's a good idea.

-But, you understand, right? -Totally.

Uh, sorry.

Let's change the subject. Will you go out with me?

Hey, look! The Distraction Club is meeting after school.

Really?

Relax, Chyna, you're not too late.

Sure, Cameron took the sign down,

but you can still kick him.

That's not why I'm running.

Fletcher won't stop asking me out.

Why?

I'm guessing it's because he likes me.

Why?

I'm just afraid that if I keep rejecting Fletcher,

he'll hate me and it'll ruin our friendship.

But if I say yes, and we go out and it ends badly,

that will also ruin our friendship.

Why are you so worried about ruining our friendship?

We're not friends.

I mean my friendship with Fletcher.

Here's what you do.

Next time he asks you out, say yes.

But then we'll be going out.

You have so much to learn.

Guys only want what they can't have.

Once you say yes, he'll immediately lose interest.

Huh. And that's happened to you?

No.

Obviously not, because, well, look at me.

Thanks, Lexi. It's really nice of you to give me advice.

In fact, you do know a lot about boys.

So while I have you here,

I wouldn't mind picking your brain on a few other things.

Hey, look! The Convenient Excuse Club is meeting after school.

Oh, really? Where?

Oh.

I'm beginning to think there are too many clubs at this school.

I'm ready to take notes for our psychology experiment.

Psychology starts with a "P."

Okay, I'll go to the bathroom and I'll be right back.

New plan, let me do everything.

Oh. Congratulations, Cameron,

you've been unanimously chosen to handle the most

important job in school!

You're the new hall monitor!

Really? Awesome!

Sorry, hall monitor, you've been replaced.

-Let me try to be clear. -(Exclaims)

That would be so cool,

because then we'd be able to see your bones.

I mean, Cameron, you're the new human hall monitor.

You get to enforce all the important rules,

like no running in the halls.

I don't know.

Nagging everybody to follow the rules?

Hall monitor doesn't sound very fun.

You're right. I know what!

I'll give you an even cooler job!

You're gonna be Corridor Sheriff!

-Ooh, now that sounds fun! -Yeah.

-Do I get a horse? -No.

Then how am I gonna ride off into the sunset?

Why would you want to? You'd get horribly burned.

Sometimes, the best way to trick a woman is to catch her off guard.

Observe.

-Olive! Will you go out with me? -(Whistles)

(Groans)

My eyes!

Life gave me lemonade!

There's nothing left to do with it!

Uh, Chyna...

Yes. I'll go out with you.

-What? -I wanna go out with you.

Oh.

You seem a little disappointed.

I'm sorry, but...

I was expecting fireworks.

Well, that's just not how things happen in the real world.

(Fireworks)

There they are.

The batteries must have been low in my remote control detonator.

Ooh.

Welcome to the International House of Whatever.

Today our "whatever" is balls.

Meatballs, melon balls, matzo balls...

You even have to eat sitting on yoga balls.

Whoa! Okay.

Can I start you off with a salad ball?

Actually, I'm here on a date.

I took your advice and said "yes,"

so hopefully Fletcher will start losing interest in me very soon.

Happy six-hour anniversary, sweetie!

Whoa!

Customer down!

Fletcher, what are you doing?

Taking pictures for our scrapbook commemorating our romance.

-Hmm. -Whoa!

Customer down!

Wow!

Some of these pictures are of times

I didn't even know you were around.

Oh, great.

Now I'll have a picture of you looking at the pictures.

Whoa!

Customer down!

Okay. If we're gonna do well on our assignment,

we need to make Cameron mad with power.

Which means we'll need some serious rule-breaking.

Okay.

No. I said "rule breaking."

I know. I heard you.

I just hate that this thing thinks it's my ruler.

I didn't vote for it.

Just stick to the plan.

Hey, Corridor Sheriff.

Ma'am.

Hope no one breaks any rules around here.

Look! I'm running in the halls!

Man, can you believe this? Paisley's running in the halls!

Uh, you sure?

I'm running in the hall!

Yes, I'm sure!

You're Corridor Sheriff! Go after her!

-What are you doing? Hurry! -I can't.

There's no running in the halls.

But you know what would really help?

You're not getting a horse!

I'm running in the halls! I'm running in the hall!

(Whispering) Lexi, you've gotta help me.

Fletcher's getting really clingy.

Why are you whispering?

Go! Get out of here! Go! Psst! Psst! Psst!

You see what I'm dealing with?

I just wanna let you know,

you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.

Um, Chyna, your boyfriend is hitting on me.

Awkward!

Please, just tell me how I can get out of this

without hurting his feelings.

Just get him to break up with you

by being the meanest, nastiest girlfriend in the world.

Criticize everything he does.

-Does that work for you? -(Scoffs) No.

No one's gonna break up with Lexi Reed.

Again, look at me.

All right, Corridor Sheriff.

Remember, you're in charge. What you say goes.

If someone doesn't listen, throw 'em in the box!

I'm sorry. I wasn't listening.

I'll get in the box.

No!

Look! I'm writing in the halls!

Good for you, Paisley!

When'd you learn to write?

That's graffiti! She's vandalizing the school!

You have the power to do something! Go.

Paisley! Give me that marker right now!

You forgot to dot the "I."

Wow, Cameron! You make a great smiley face!

But, Olive, yours isn't very good at all.

So, did Fletcher finally come to his senses and break up with you?

No. But I'm sure I can drive him away.

Well, you picked the perfect outfit.

Hey, Chyna.

What kind of boyfriend are you?

I show up for a date and you don't even bring me flowers?

Well, these are tiger lilies!

I hate tiger lilies!

You don't even know my favorite flower

is the Ecuadorian Bonnet Orchid

that only grows in the shadow of the Pululahua Volcano?

Here you go.

Well... (Sniffs) This smells too good!

Uh, I got you some water.

Room temperature, just the way you like it.

This is warm!

But you just said you liked it room temperature!

Not the temperature of this room!

I want it the temperature of the room that

I'm thinking of in my mind!

Chyna, look.

We need to talk about our relationship.

I think I know where you're going with this.

When we started seeing each other,

I thought it was just what I needed.

But it turns out...

Just blurt it out! I can take it!

This is really hard for me to say.

That's why I recorded this song!

♪ When two people marry ♪

(Fletcher) (Singing) ♪ It's as sweet as a berry ♪

♪ I propose ♪

♪ A great dress you'll be wearing ♪

♪ And they'll serve pickled herring ♪

♪ I propose ♪

♪ Don't put me in disposal ♪

♪ Please accept my proposal ♪

♪ It will rain raisin bread ♪

♪ From a big dragon's head ♪

♪ On the day of the wedding ♪

♪ We all can go sledding ♪

♪ I propose ♪

Chyna Parks, would you make me the happiest man on Earth,

and do me the honor of being my

date to my cousin's wedding this weekend?

How can I say no?

Literally. I'm trying to think of a way I can say no and I can't.

Congratulations on the wedding.

You know, for 20 bucks, I could get you a driver and a limo.

Sure! That's a great deal!

FYI, the driver's my mom,

the limo's a minivan, and one of you has to sit in a car seat.

Things with Fletcher are out of control.

Saw that coming.

But you're the one who told me to ask him out!

Chyna, you can't spell blame without "bla."

What does that even mean?

Come on! You've gotta help me get out of this wedding!

Don't worry. I know what to do.

Good.

Watch carefully. It's very subtle.

Fletcher, Chyna is not into you.

She never was, and she never will be.

The only reason she agreed to go out with you

was to get you to leave her alone!

The mere sight of you sickens her!

Fle...

What was that? That wasn't subtle!

Did I say subtle? I meant brutal.

I'm always mixing those two words up.

We're running out of time to complete our experiment.

So when Cameron comes by, I want you to litter.

I'll try, but I don't know if I can give birth to puppies.

Forget it. I'll do it myself.

Yeah! That's right! I littered!

What are you going to do about it, Corridor Sheriff?

I'm gonna join in! That looks like fun!

Whee! It's snowing inside!

Well, how about I do this to your badge?

Good idea!

I should go undercover!

Maybe then I'll catch someone breaking the rules!

I'm breaking the rules! Lock me up!

Oh, wait, never mind, I can't trust you to do that!

So I'm gonna put myself in jail!

Ha!

Actually, there wasn't much need for the jail,

so I turned it into a bed and breakfast.

That is it!

You are the worst Corridor Sheriff ever!

You are a joke!

But look who's laughing now!

(Laughing crazily)

And that concludes our psychological experiment,

"How to Drive a Calm Person To The Brink of Madness."

How dare you two manipulate me

when I was trying to manipulate you!

I'm the puppet master! Me! Me!

(Screaming)

And that was some bonus footage.

(Romantic music playing)

Look at all those couples. We're much happier.

Us single guys have the right idea.

(Sobbing)

(Sobs) You're right. It's all a facade.

(Chyna) (Singing) ♪ I really need you, Fletcher ♪

♪ Like a patient needs a stretcher ♪

♪ As a friend ♪

♪ So many things you've seen me through ♪

♪ That really awful stomach flu ♪

♪ As a friend ♪

♪ And you showed me art that was abstract ♪

♪ You brought me sushi and we snacked ♪

♪ As a friend ♪

♪ The day you helped me fix my phone ♪

♪ My weird obsession with hambone ♪

♪ As a friend ♪

♪ Please don't tell me that we're through ♪

♪ I want to always be with you ♪

♪ As a friend ♪

Fletcher, I don't want things to be weird between us anymore.

You're one of my best friends, and I miss you.

Make me the happiest girl in the world

and say you forgive me.

I do.

(Chuckles)

I'm so glad things can go back to the way they were

'cause I love you. As a friend.

(Whispering) She said she loves me!

Olive, I have been thinking of how to ask you this,

and I think I finally came up with the perfect way.

So sit back and listen to this.

♪ Olive, please date me It would be bliss ♪

♪ Maybe later on your porch you and I can... ♪

Ah! Not again!

Are you still there?

Hello?

I have 47 more verses!

I hired a dancing John Quincy Adams.

I know he's your favorite president.

What happened to the music?