Original subtitles

Whoa!

This is a classic 1961 Harmon Tonemaster!

There are only like 20 of these left in the whole world.

Do you know how cool this is?

Not as cool as going to the old-timey photo booth

and mocking the costumes for historical inaccuracies.

Oh!

This guitar's only 500 bucks.

I have to make sure no one else buys it until I figure out how to get the money.

-Create a diversion. -Got it.

(Screams)

There's been a murder!

And you're all suspects!

There.

Now, once I get 500 bucks,

I can come back and take this baby home with me.

Uh, Chyna?

I think that guitar's mommy might have a problem with that.

Oops.

(Theme song playing)

(Whoo!)

♪ Everybody's got that thing ♪

♪ Something different we all bring ♪

♪ Don't you let 'em clip your wings ♪

♪ You got it You got it ♪

♪ We're on fire and we blaze ♪

♪ In extraordinary ways ♪

♪ 365 days ♪

♪ We got it We got it ♪

♪ You can dream it ♪

♪ You can be it ♪

♪ If you can feel it ♪

♪ You can believe it ♪

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional Exceptional ♪

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional Exceptional ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh ♪

(Whoo!)

Oh, hey, Dad. Yeah.

I was just wondering if I could have $40,000?

(Muffled screaming)

Okay. I agree that was a little unreasonable.

Just make it $500 and I will have learned my lesson.

Hello there, little lady.

Would you like to try Friendly Brand Lo-Tato Chips?

It's all the fat and sodium of regular potato chips,

but half the potato.

Mmm. You can really taste the less potato.

Friendly Brand Lo-Tato Chips Salute to Friendship?

One thousand dollar prize?

And a lifetime supply of Lo-Tato Chips.

Warning, Lo-Tato Chips may lower your life span by 35 years.

It's a singing and dancing contest!

I can sing! I can dance!

This is just the kind of thing that...

(Choking)

Wow, these chips sure do have an aftertaste.

Yes! Friendly Brand Lo-Tato Chips.

The after-tastiest chip on the market.

No. Chyna, you're not signing up!

I need this prize money!

Why? Your dad gave you a credit card.

Yes, to use for emergencies.

So I bought 20 pairs of Emergencies.

Emergency Jeans.

Now my dad's making me pay him back.

Well, I need the money, too!

I'm trying to buy a guitar that looks like...

Well, that little girl.

So give me that pen. I'm signing up.

-No! -Give me!

Ladies, you need at least three people on a team.

Because friendship is about hanging with your buds.

And Friendly Brand Lo-Tato Chips are about your taste buds.

Well, your after taste buds.

Fine, then I'll just get two other people to...

(Choking)

The after-after taste is even worse!

That sideshow was such a rip-off!

The human pretzel was just a guy

sitting cross-legged, covered in salt.

Oh, that's Duncan the Dragon!

I should get a picture for my cousin.

He collects pictures of guys with lousy jobs.

You want a hug from Duncan, little boy?

It's for my cousin.

Whatever. Duncan doesn't judge.

(Shutter clicks)

Okay, can we now move onto something not dumb and childish?

Ooh! Dinosaur balloons!

Wait a minute, where's my wallet?

I had it a second ago, before I hugged...

Duncan the Dragon stole my wallet!

You can't just accuse a major celebrity like that of pick-pocketing.

Maybe someone from that rip-off sideshow saw him steal it.

Like the bearded man or the one-headed lady.

Is that a zipper?

It's common knowledge

that Gideon Sundback didn't invent the zipper until 1917.

Olive!

How would you like to spend the day singing, dancing,

and saluting friendship?

Well, I am an excellent dancer.

Would you be on my Salute to Friendship team?

Forget it, Lexi. She's my friend.

She's just as much my friend as she is your friend.

Tell her, Octavia.

We'll just have to settle this with a game of France France Revolution!

"France"? You mean "dance"?

Nope.

Okay, you guys are French peasants.

(In French accent) And I'm the Queen, Marie Antoinette.

(In normal voice) Whoever catches the most cake in her mouth wins the game!

(In French accent) Let them eat cake!

Ha! In your face!

No. Actually, in your face.

I choose Chyna's team.

I just wanted a chance to throw cake at you.

You've got to be kidding me!

(Chyna) Paisley!

Do you want to be on my Salute to Friendship team?

No! Be on my team!

I don't know who to choose.

Oh! I have an idea!

I'm thinking of a number.

-Five? -Nope.

Zucchini?

Correct. The number was zucchini.

Huh? Hey!

He doesn't have my wallet on him.

He must have stashed it.

Here's the plan.

Let's catch him in the act of stealing your wallet.

What? I'm not going to let him steal my wallet.

That's where I keep my fake ID.

This has your correct age on it.

I know, but it says I'm 6'4".

Just hug him.

How old are you, little boy?

Uh, 6'4".

There you go.

He didn't take it.

Oh, he's good.

This time, plant the wallet on him

and we'll follow him to where he stashes it.

Again?

People are gonna look at me funny.

They already look at you funny.

Good point.

(Grunts)

Okay, we need one more person to be on our team.

(Drum and bass music playing)

(Chuckles)

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Yeah. These half-potato potato chips aren't half bad.

Angus.

Would you like to be on my Salute to Friendship team?

If I agree to be on your team,

will you give me half the prize money?

Well, I guess I'd still have enough for the guitar.

-Okay. -Wait!

How can he get half if there's three of us?

Because you get nothing.

Oh. Okay.

I was worried your calculations weren't mathematically sound.

Because nothing is more important than...

(Gagging)

Ugh, what is that?

Oh. Does it taste like onion and litter box?

That's the after taste.

Angus! Will you be on my Salute to Friendship team?

If I agree to be on your team,

will you give me half the prize money?

Fine.

Looks like we have our team. High five!

I mean, high zucchini!

(Chyna) ♪ If the time comes your heart needs a mend ♪

♪ I recommend you send word to a friend ♪

♪ Support they'll lend till the bitter end ♪

♪ Unless of course your friend is pretend ♪

♪ Friendship! Ya heard? ♪

Ow!

You stepped on my foot, you clumsy dork!

Olive, you cannot just criticize someone like that.

You need to use a compliment sandwich,

two compliments, with the criticism in between. Watch.

Angus, you made a great effort.

But next time try not to be a clumsy dork.

And keep up that great effort!

Thanks!

Hey! Thanks!

Okay, now let's try this again.

-A one and a two... -Um...

That reminds me.

I have to go to the bathroom and make a one and a two.

I have to win this competition.

Where is Angus?

Sorry I'm late. I was just doing my pre-dance stretches.

(Screaming)

(Coughing)

Okay.

I'll sing. You guys dance

and try not to take any attention away from me.

Five, six, seven, eight.

(Dance music playing)

(Stops music)

Zucchini, carrot, rutabaga, parsnip!

(Music resumes)

♪ You can shop for a dress blouse, or shawl ♪

♪ But you can't buy friends at the mall ♪

♪ Amigos son muy especial ♪

♪ Now it's time to rock out, y'all! ♪

(Paisley gasps)

Ow! You stepped on my leg-hand!

I'll handle this.

You have to use a compliment sandwich. Watch.

I am really pretty. (Chuckles)

You are a clumsy dork!

Seriously, I am beautiful.

Yes, you are.

Hey!

Yes, you are.

(Groans) We keep losing Duncan!

-There he is! Get him! -Uh-oh!

(Both) Sorry!

I think we're gaining on him!

That ride made me dizzy.

-There he is! Let's get him! -Huh?

Gotta go!

Look out! Coming through!

(Both) Sorry!

What?

Someone bought my guitar and took it on the Ferris wheel!

That's the kid again.

What took you so long?

I thought you were going to the bathroom.

Um... I can only go at home.

Angus, there you are! We need to rehearse!

Rehearse?

We haven't even hearsed yet.

Wait a second.

You're on Lexi's team, too?

-Uh... -You're on Chyna's team, too?

Uh...

I call Angus! He's mine!

No way! He's mine!

(Both screaming)

Don't worry.

Those are just my fake arms I wear in case girls fight over me.

This is the first time I've actually had to use them.

-(Bones cracking) -(Screaming)

I threw out my back!

Angus, are you going to be okay?

Yeah, but I don't think I'm going to be able to dance.

But we need three or more people to compete.

Lexi, I hate to say it

but there's an obvious solution to this problem.

You're right.

Get over here, Odetta. You're on my team.

No!

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but I think you and I should team up.

That's a great idea.

And after that, we can skip through a meadow,

holding hands, farting rainbows.

Did you try those Lo-Tato Chips, too?

Come on, Lexi.

I don't want to do this any more than you do.

No, I don't want to do this any more than you do.

Wow, you are really competitive.

Come on, we both need the money,

and together we'll be unbeatable.

You're right. With my looks and my talent

and you fulfilling the requirement of having three or more people,

we'll be sure to win.

Whatever. The point is we'll split the prize.

What about me and Paisley? Don't we get part of the prize?

Seriously, Olive, it's a salute to friendship, not greed.

Okay, I think working together is going to be really good.

-Here's my song. -Thank you.

What are you doing?

My song is way better.

Thank you.

Okay, that was rude. I didn't even read it.

You joined my team. We're doing my song!

I didn't join your team. You joined my team!

You know what? Forget it.

No guitar is worth putting up with you.

And no credit card is worth putting up with you!

I'll just pass my debt on to my children!

Like a true American!

Every time I come to this carnival, I get puked on.

Why did I buy a season pass?

I think we lost him.

He must've gone through this door.

What are you doing? It says, "Do not enter."

I'm not going in there.

(Marker squeaking)

Ooh! Donut center? Let's go in there!

(Humming)

Wait, get him!

Oh!

Got you, you stupid dragon!

This will teach you to steal my wallet.

-(Grunts) -And the last donut!

(Children crying)

Don't worry, kids. He's a bad dragon.

He's a lying, no-good thief!

Okay, no, really!

He reached into my pocket and he pulled out my...

(Chuckles) Huh.

I guess I had my wallet all along.

Sorry, Duncan.

Don't worry, boys and girls. Duncan's okay.

We were just play fighting. Like this.

(All laughing)

Look, Chyna, if this guitar is so important to you,

then why don't you just do Lexi's song?

Besides, you always beat her at everything.

Give her a chance to shine.

I guess.

Because I would do anything

to grab this thing by the neck

and take it home with me.

That's the girl again.

Sorry.

I can't believe my dad is mad at me for buying these Emergency Jeans.

They make me look so tall.

Maybe you should just do Chyna's song.

You can be the bigger person.

-See? -(Gasps)

(Audience clapping)

Yes.

Thank you. Thank you.

Just a reminder that Friendly Brand Lo-Tato Chips

are now the official chip of the federal prison system!

Anyway, that was the last group, so it's time to pick the winner.

-(Chyna) Wait! -(Lexi) Wait!

We'd like to perform. Together.

I suppose that would be okay, in the spirit of...

(Gags)

They promised me they had fixed that.

Ugh.

(Dance music playing)

(Both) Five, six, seven, eight!

♪ If the time comes your heart needs a mend ♪

♪ I recommend you send word to a friend... ♪

Why are you doing my song?

Because I'm being the bigger person.

No! I'm being the bigger person. We're doing your song.

No, we're not! I'm tired of you showing me up.

There's no way I'm going to let you

be the bigger bigger person than me.

Forget it! We're doing your song!

Now get out of my face so I can salute our friendship!

Give it here!

-Oh, look, they're having a sale. -(Gasps)

(Changes song)

♪ You can shop for a dress blouse, or shawl ♪

♪ But you can't buy friends at the mall ♪

Give me that!

(Song switching)

♪ You can shop for a dress ♪

♪ Blouse, or shawl ♪

♪ Support they'll lend till the bitter end ♪

♪ Unless of course, your friend is pretend ♪

-♪ Amigos son muy especial ♪ -♪ I recommend you send word to a friend ♪

♪ Now it's time to rock out, y'all ♪

♪ Unless of course, your friend ispretend ♪

♪ Friendship! Ya heard? ♪

What a great mashup!

And acting like you were fighting

only to come together in the end.

I can't think of a better salute to friendship.

Except for Friendly Brand Lo-Tato Chips,

and our new after-flavor,

cracked pepper and donkey sweat.

Look for it in packaging labeled "barbecue."

Anyway, you guys won the $1,000!

We did it! We won!

Wait. Did you just say "we"?

I did.

I couldn't have done this without you.

Same here.

Thanks.

Thank you, ladies.

What are you doing? You didn't even perform.

You each promised me half the prize money

if I agreed to be on your team.

I agreed.

You know, I think we learned something important here.

You and I make a pretty good team.

Yeah. We work really well together.

So, let's go beat that little weasel to a pulp with his own arms!

Well, I'm sorry we accused you of theft.

That's okay.

We can make up for it with a big hug.

Forget it! I'm not hugging any more dragons.

Have it your way, fellas. See you later!