Original subtitles

(laughs)

Hey, guys! Prepare to be blown away.

Is there a hurricane coming?

Time to take emergency measures!

What are you doing?

It took me two hours to give my hair this windswept look.

I cannot have it ruined by actual wind.

Well, there's no hurricane.

Other than a hurricane of entertainment.

Check out this animated film I made.

Ooh, I love cartoons.

I've watched over 70,000 and kept a log.

How does that tell us which cartoons you've watched?

It doesn't. I just told you two interesting things about me.

One, that I've watched a lot of cartoons,

and two, that I've kept a log.

Try to keep up. You guys are supposed to be prodigies.

(mellow music playing)

(chirps)

(screaming)

(lightning strikes)

(screeches)

So? What did you guys "think"?

I think I would have preferred the hurricane.

Well... I liked the font you used at the end.

Not me. I hated everything. Including the font.

Helvetica? Really?

Congratulations! You made me hate cartoons.

So, you didn't like anything about it?

(sighs)

Well, I thought the art was well drawn,

but maybe you could try doing something more relatable.

Find some inspiration from your life.

They say write what you know.

They also say an apple a day keeps the doctor away,

but we all know that's not true.

Hey, I told you, I don't need those counseling sessions!

♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo ♪

Whoo!

♪ Everybody's got that thing ♪

♪ Something different we all bring ♪

♪ Don't you let 'em clip your wings ♪

♪ You got it, you got it ♪

♪ We're on fire and we blaze ♪

♪ In extraordinary ways ♪

♪ 365 days ♪

♪ We got it, we got it ♪

♪ You can dream it ♪

♪ You can be it ♪

♪ If you can feel it ♪

♪ You can believe it ♪

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

Whoo!

(phone rings)

Oh! I've got to take this, honey bunny.

(sighs)

Dude, your girlfriend is way out of your league.

I know! Isn't it great?

Aren't you worried about losing her?

Every guy here is drooling over her.

Wacky's not drooling over Vanessa.

He's drooling over her.

I'm not talking about Wacky.

You better keep her away from other guys.

Myself included.

Because once a lady feasts her eyes on this...

There's little I can do to fight them off.

Nice of you to throw Fletcher a premiere party.

(laughs)

How'd you get the paparazzi?

(camera shutter clicking)

Oh. That's not paparazzi.

I wanted to make this feel like a real premiere,

so I told these tourists this was Fisherman's Wharf.

A shark's eyes are like a doll's eyes.

Welcome to the premiere of Fletcher's new web show.

I haven't seen it yet, but Fletcher's mom has,

and she says,

"Put that art nonsense down and go kick a ball or something."

All right, well, let's get on with the show.

(dramatic music playing)

Hey, Asia, want to have a picnic?

Oh, Sketcher, I'd love to have a picnic with a smokin' hot fire ant like you!

What the anthill? Why did you guys leave the colony?

Did you lose my pheromone trail?

(farting)

We're trying to have lunch, Pimento.

Don't worry, I'll get rid of her.

You hungry, Pimento?

Ooh, I hope it's egg salad. That's my favorite.

Fascinating tidbit about egg salad...

The pungent aroma is caused by hydrogen sulfide gas,

released when... Ow!

I think that sandwich bit me back.

(grunting)

Wow, that's a big spoon. Why is it made of glass?

Oh, it's a magnifying glass.

Fascinating tidbit, magnifying glasses use convex lenses

of various focal lengths to...

Is anyone else hot?

(screams)

(all laughing)

(applause)

People seem to like it, huh?

Are you crazy?

The whole thing makes fun of Olive!

You made her an annoying,

fact-spouting blabber mouth that irritates everybody.

You told me to write what I know.

Nailed it.

She's going to be furious.

Hey, Fletcher!

About that Pimento character...

(laughs) Hilarious!

I totally know people like her!

Hey, girls! Welcome to Beauty Club!

Where you'll learn to look your best,

even if you'll never achieve this.

Are you sure you're okay hanging out with all these girls?

Of course. What could be more fun?

Certainly not sitting behind home plate at the Giants game.

Cameron? This is Beauty Club.

Troll Club meets under the bridge.

Okay. Today, we'll be doing a special hair removal treatment

using the Panamanian tree snail.

As the snails crawl up your legs,

their slime dissolves the hair,

leaving your legs silky smooth.

It sounds gross, but trust me, they do wonders.

Juliette looked like a yak before she started snailing.

Cameron, if you're going to be in Beauty Club, you have to participate.

(giggling)

It tickles! It tickles! Ohh!

(all screaming)

What? What's the matter?

(screams)

(all screaming)

Fletcher, look. I made a rat trap sandwich.

No! Are you out of your mind?

What? I saw it on TV so I know it's okay.

(all laughing)

I don't get it.

All morning, people have been pointing and laughing at me.

Uh, that's just the new dance craze,

the "Point Laugh."

(laughing)

Ooh, Olive, will you sign my Pimento poster?

Why would you want my autograph on that?

Uh, because...

Oh, Gibson. Here, have a sandwich.

Oh, thank you.

(exclaims)

I think that sandwich bit me back.

To answer your question,

I want your autograph because the character is based on you.

You are Pimento.

Pimento is you.

What the heck?

No, you're saying it wrong.

Say, "What the anthill?"

Ooh! Tell us a fascinating tidbit about anthills.

They're not fascinating tidbits!

They're interesting factoids.

-(snaps) -(exclaims in pain)

I can't believe Fletcher!

We're supposed to be friends.

How could he make fun of me like that?

Well, to be fair, you do tease him all the time.

To his face, like friends do!

Fine!

If that's how he wants it,

I'm going to fight fire with fire.

Interesting factoid about fighting fires,

you can't really fight fire with fire, you just get more fire.

Obviously, you fight fires with fire retardants.

-(snapping) -(Gibson) Ow!

(Cameron) I can't believe those snails ate my eyelashes.

At least, thanks to the Beauty Club, you'd never know.

Welcome to Fashion Club, fellow fashionistas.

Wow, Cameron, this is the first time I've noticed how nice your eyes are.

It's a shame they're trapped in that face.

See? We're having fun already.

Okay. Today, we're going to be-sparkle our clothes

to add a little rhinestone flare.

And I have come up with a way to do it in a fraction of the normal time.

This is a 180 horse power, hydraulic driven,

fully automatic sparkle blaster.

(clattering)

Let me go next!

(all exclaiming)

Cease fire! Cease fire!

Cameron, are you okay?

Who said that?

Me. Vanessa.

Which Vanessa?

Fletcher, don't you think you should stop selling these Pimento T-shirts?

For Olive's sake?

Why do you keep taking her side?

This hasn't been easy on me either.

I had to go to the bank three times to deposit money today.

And why is she so upset? I'm portraying her accurately.

Okay, she says the occasional long winded fact,

but there's more to her than that.

She does lots of other things.

Like what?

(Olive) Hi, my name is Kvetcher.

I'm in love with a girl named Japan.

Olive, two things.

One, this is beneath you.

And two, where did you get that awesome costume?

I'm not Olive. I'm Kvetcher. I'm a fart prodigy.

(farting)

Whoa!

(exclaims)

Someone get a fire retardant.

I'm on it!

(groans)

I'm okay.

Someone get a fire retardant.

I'm on it!

(all laughing)

I can't believe Fletcher. Now, I'm an even bigger joke at school.

This is terrible.

The voice for Asia sounds nothing like me.

You're right. This is not about me.

We have to do something.

I can't stand seeing my two best friends fight.

What if I'm fighting and he's just getting punched?

No. You need to figure out

another way to let him know it bothers you.

A funny suit is not the answer.

(upbeat music playing)

You got served!

What is this?

I hired this dance crew to serve you with a lawsuit.

I'm holding you legally responsible for mocking me with your stupid cartoon.

This was Chyna's idea.

It was?

-No! -Yup!

She said my funny suit was not the answer.

So, obviously she meant I should use a more serious suit.

A lawsuit.

How can you guys keep misinterpreting everything I say?

Oh, so now you're saying I smell bad?

Unbelievable!

Oh! So, now you're saying you hate what I'm wearing?

You're suing me? I'll sue you right back.

(upbeat music playing)

No! Stop serving people!

Enough is enough!

You guys are friends! I'm not gonna let you guys sue each other!

Fine. Then let's take this to the school's student court.

We have a student court?

How come no one ever uses it?

I hereby call to order the case of Doyle versus Quimby!

Oh, that's why no one ever uses it.

Cameron, guess what?

I got us a workout session today with this personal trainer.

He's a former Mr. Universe.

We're really lucky because he canceled his swimsuit modeling gig to do this.

(gasps)

Um... Actually, I was thinking we could go dancing.

(Arabic music playing)

Belly dancing!

Cameron, I think I know why you've been taking me to all these clubs.

You want to be at a place where there are only girls.

You're right. It's true.

I knew it.

A hunk like you doesn't want to be tied down to just one girl.

Exactly. Wait, what?

Everywhere we go, girls stare at you.

Like when we walked in here, they couldn't take their eyes off you!

Because I'm wearing this stupid outfit!

Girls couldn't care less about me!

He's not wrong.

Don't spare my feelings.

It's obvious you're not as into me as I am into you.

We should break up, so you can date other people.

Date other people? No one's going to date me!

My eyelashes were eaten by snails,

I'm dressed like a genie,

and I have rhinestones where no man should have rhinestones!

I'm going to miss that sense of humor.

Goodbye, Cameron.

(sighs)

Maybe this breakup is for the best.

It's too much pressure for a guy like you to go out with a beautiful girl.

You're right.

Maybe I should find someone more plain and average.

You busy Friday night?

(groans)

So, Saturday?

All right, student court is now in session.

Olive Doyle, Fletcher Quimby, please approach the bench.

Hi, little cuties.

Yeah. Yeah. Hi, guys.

Hi, guys. (clears throat)

I will hear both sides of the story,

carefully weigh the merits and then make my decision.

Fletcher's cartoons made fun of me.

Guilty!

I didn't even say anything!

Good point. Not guilty!

You can't just shout out guilty and not guilty.

You have to make a decision.

Okay, there's only one fair way to decide this.

Rock, paper, scissors!

To the death!

Ha! Why didn't I grab the rock?

'Cause!

Hey, hey, hey! Hey!

Drop the scissors! Step away from the paper!

Fine. But tell him how Fletcher's been hurting my feelings!

No. Tell him she's being oversensitive.

No! I'm not taking sides!

I've been telling you guys to cut it out for days,

and things have only gotten worse.

I'm done talking.

There's only one thing left to do.

Sing.

Wait. Where did this spotlight come from?

And that guitar?

Oh, I use my allowance to hire roadies.

♪ Cherish your friendships carefully ♪

♪ 'Cause they can be so brittle ♪

♪ Who is right, who is wrong? ♪

♪ It's just a silly riddle ♪

♪ Now I'm sad and blue Torn in two ♪

♪ I'm stuck in the middle ♪

♪ Stuck in the middle ♪

♪ I'm stuck in the middle ♪

Ooh! Now, everybody! Sing along with me!

Careful, I put my...

♪ Stuck in the middle... ♪

...breadcrumbs in there.

(cooing)

Uh-oh.

I'm sorry I upset you, I was never trying to make fun of you.

I guess I just got caught up in trying to make a good show.

I'm glad you found a different way to make the show funny.

Asia, tell Sketcher he should have the last roll.

No, tell Pimento she deserves it.

Stop it, you two! When you guys fight,

it makes me want to...

Sing.

(all laughing)

♪ I'm singing for no apparent reason ♪

♪ A normal person Would have a conversation ♪

Boo!

(bird cawing)

♪ Please stop eating my face ♪

Ow!

♪ Now, you're eating my tongue ♪

♪ My tongue ♪

(mumbling)

(all laughing)

Stop laughing! It's not funny!

I know! It's just a cartoon! Have a sense of humor.

You know what? You're right.

Thank you.

She was talking to me.

-I don't think so. -Stop it!

I'm happy to be made fun of if it means you two getting along.

So go back to getting along!

Okay. Okay.

(laughs)

I'm so glad we're all friends again.

(ominous music playing)