Original subtitles

(Chyna) Previously on A.N.T. Farm.

I'm Jeanne Gossamer.

I'm new here.

Is there somewhere specific I should sit?

(gibberish)

Lexi Reed, this is Jeanne Gossamer.

There's no one there.

(gibberish)

But Jeanne came into the classroom.

I remember you were reading that catalog.

She was never there?

(camera shutter clicking)

(sobbing)

I feel so sorry for Cameron. He's really hurting.

And not just because he ordered the cactus sandwich.

Ow!

Hey, Cameron. Mind if we join you?

Unless you'd rather be alone with your invisible girlfriend.

I have to say, though, she seems like a bit of an airhead.

(laughs)

Listen, don't worry,

pretty soon, you'll forget all about Jeanne.

Jeanne!

Wait. She was on that jeans catalog, so she does actually exist.

Maybe we can track her down.

I see where you're going with this.

You find her, Cameron meets her for real,

she can shoot him down like an enemy plane,

and then we can all get on with our lives.

Good plan!

♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo ♪

Whoo!

♪ Everybody's got that thing ♪

♪ Something different we all bring ♪

♪ Don't you let 'em clip your wings ♪

♪ You got it, you got it ♪

♪ We're on fire and we blaze ♪

♪ In extraordinary ways ♪

♪ 365 days ♪

♪ We got it, we got it ♪

♪ You can dream it ♪

♪ You can be it ♪

♪ If you can feel it ♪

♪ You can believe it ♪

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

Whoo!

(theme music playing)

This bakery is supposed to be great.

I hear their sliced bread is the best thing since sliced bread.

Welcome to Hippo Stadium,

where you are safe to enjoy delicious ballpark food

at prices that are out of this world!

Hippo? Aren't you that creepy guy in the music business?

I was. Now I'm that creepy guy in the restaurant business.

Where's the bakery?

I was all set to argue about the everything bagel.

I mean, If it really had everything on it,

it would collapse under its own mass and it would turn into a black hole.

I changed the theme.

I checked this website that tells you what's in and what's out right now.

And bakeries are very out right now.

What's very in, though, is America's favorite pastime.

Eating.

And to a much lesser extent, baseball.

Popcorn! Get your fresh, hot popcorn here!

Lexi? She's working here?

This is great! Lexi is always bossing us around at school,

but here, she'll have to serve us, and we can boss her around.

Yo! Blondie! Popcorn here!

What are you Ants doing here?

Excuse me, young lady, but,

I do not believe that is the proper way to address paying customers.

Sorry, paying customer. What can I get you?

Popcorn! And make it snappy!

That'll be eight bucks.

What? I'd like to do a spit-take.

One soda, please.

That'll be $10.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Eight dollars? For this tiny bag of popcorn?

This is outrageous. We demand to speak to your supervisor.

You mean Hippo? He's busy cleaning out the nacho machine.

If you'd like, for an extra 25 cents,

you can get the large popcorn.

Yeah, we'll take the large.

And hurry! Chop, chop!

(Lexi) Here you go.

(screams)

(groans)

Well, you do get more for your money.

I can feel the red hot kernels burning tiny holes in my clothes.

Cameron, great news!

I called the catalog company and talked them

into giving me Jeanne's contact information.

And even better, I ordered these skinny denim capris!

-That's incredible! -I know!

They were on sale!

I meant about Jeanne.

What did you find out?

Well, her name is Vanessa LaFontaine,

and she's here in San Francisco.

Really?

You're not messing with me,

like that time you told me the Earth was round?

Even though on every map it's flat.

Nope. And the best news is

she's temporarily blind from a modeling mishap.

-She lost her sight? -Mmm-hmm.

How is that good news?

Because she can't see what you look like,

so you might actually have a chance with her!

(gasping)

Good point! Before she gets her vision back,

I can get her to fall in love with my personality.

Or your hopelessly deluded optimism.

So, how can I get her to spend time with me?

I'll take care of that.

(in fake accent) So, Vanessa, darling,

thank you for agreeing to do this shoot

for my new line of shades that combine sunglasses with fun.

I call them, sunglafunses.

Why don't you just call them funglasses?

You're the model, darling.

Less talking, more being pretty.

So just to be clear,

you are completely sightless?

You can't see my wig and my costume?

I mean, my hair and my outfit?

No. But I can imagine what you look like.

Actually, no, I can't.

So, darling, meet your fellow fabu-luscious model in the shoot.

This is Cameron.

(in gruff voice) Hey, babe. Too bad you can't see me.

I'm incredibly handsome.

Darlings, you look fabutastic together,

but I'm not feeling you as a couple.

I want you to spend some romantic time together,

get to know each other better.

So you two, what's your idea of the perfect date?

I've always wanted to have a picnic...

-Done! -In a hot-air balloon.

Done.

Wait, what?

Vanessa, take my jacket.

It's windy way up here in the clouds.

Are you sure we're outside?

Because it smells like dry-erase markers and paste.

Uh, that's because we're flying above

the famous Acme Dry-Erase Marker and Paste Factory.

(angus mimicking a bird)

Wow, there are a lot of annoying

and unnecessary birds in the sky today.

So, Vanessa, darling,

what do you look for in a man?

I like a guy who's tall, handsome, smart, sophisticated...

Um... You just described Cameron perfectly!

(nervous laughter)

Can I touch your face so I can feel exactly how handsome you are?

Uh...

Sure.

Wow. You have really chiseled features.

(mimicking an airplane)

(mimicking machine gun firing)

Uh...

Wow, that World War I fighter plane is awfully close to us.

Dangerously close.

So, Cameron, do you work out?

I like guys who are really buff.

Can I feel your muscles?

(Cameron) Uh...

Here.

Feel.

Wow.

Uh...

Is this a pineapple ring?

Uh, no, no, darling, It's a bracelet.

Cameron got it for you. Put it on her, darling.

Lexi knocked us over with 200 pounds of popcorn.

We need to get her back.

-Yeah. -How's your head, Fletcher?

Yeah.

Anyway, here's the plan.

Angus alters the website that says what's in and what's out

to get Hippo to change his business to some place that will make Lexi miserable.

How about a law firm?

My dad's a lawyer. He seems miserable.

I know!

What does Lexi hate more than anything else in the world?

Us?

True. But I was thinking horizontal stripes.

Welcome to the Alcatraz Bistro.

With prices so low, it's criminal.

Wait, I don't understand.

Lexi, why aren't you dressed like a prisoner?

Because the customers are the prisoners.

Let's get out of here.

-Prison break in sector three! -(alarm ringing)

What the heck? Hey!

Today's specials are whatever we feel like serving you, you deviant dregs of society!

You got to let me out of here!

My cell mate has the crazy eyes!

I demand to speak to the warden!

Yeah, and I demand he tell us what the dessert specials are!

Not now. It's time for the cavity search.

Okay, no cavities. You can have dessert.

(groaning)

(sobbing)

What's wrong, Cameron?

And why aren't you using the tissues?

Dad says they're for company.

Why are you crying?

I thought things were going great with Vanessa.

They were.

But she just called and said she's getting her bandages off tomorrow.

A week early!

She said she can't wait to see me in all my tall, muscular handsomeness!

What am I going to do?

Don't worry, Cameron.

Maybe Vanessa will find you adorable and unique.

Like that three-legged goat we saw at the petting zoo.

No, she's going to leave me forever.

(Nose-blowing)

Maybe trying to trick Vanessa was a bad idea.

No kidding.

I'm sorry, Cameron.

But I just couldn't stand to see you so unhappy.

If there's anything I can do,

anything at all, just let me know and I'll do it.

There is one thing you can do.

There is? Name it.

Make me a 6'4" hunk of pure muscle! Now!

Do it!

I can't.

But I think I might know someone who can.

(in British accent) Quite a sticky wicket

you've gotten yourself into.

But I think I could help, old chap.

Can you help without the accent?

Fine!

I've invented a few gadgets that will help you look like a new man.

(Angus) Check out these shoes.

Shoes? I already have shoes.

These aren't your ordinary, run-of-the-mill shoes.

They're elevator shoes. Observe.

Now, this I'm really proud of.

Watch this watch.

Watch which watch? Your wristwatch?

Wow, that's a tongue twister.

No, this is a tongue twister.

Stick out your tongue and I'll show you how it works.

No, that's okay.

So, how does your watch work?

Watch.

Well, he doesn't need a watch. He needs muscles.

Muscles? No problem. I can get you muscles like that.

Uh, that's not the kind of muscles I meant.

What other kind of mussels are there?

That was an outrage.

We were locked behind bars, and Lexi just laughed at us.

I know. That's why I only tipped her 14%.

Wow. Prison changed you.

(beeps)

Wait!

I know a new theme that Lexi will absolutely despise!

Even worse than prison.

A place of misery and human suffering.

(carnivalesque music playing)

Welcome to Hippo's Circus Cafe.

Where the "F" from the health department stands for fun!

And also food poisoning.

Would you like to try the shish kebabs tonight?

Uh, no thanks.

I prefer food that hasn't been in someone else's mouth yet.

Well, then don't order the gazpacho, either.

Olive, I don't understand.

Why would this be terrible for Lexi?

That's why. (chuckles)

(trumpeting)

I can only imagine the horrible things

that will come out of that elephant.

What's that glittering in the elephant poop?

Disgusto the Clown, will you please pick this up for me?

(gasps) I found a diamond ring!

This must be worth like $5,000.

What the heck?

Wait. Does this mean Lexi and Disgusto are engaged now?

I've had so much fun with Cameron.

Most male models are so stuck up and boring.

Yes, well, Cameron is not like most male models.

At all.

Don't worry. He'll be here soon.

He's just putting the finishing touches on his ensemble for the big shoot.

Okay, now that I understand you wanted "muscles,"

get ready for me to pump you up.

(air rushing)

Cool! How do I look?

Like you're wearing a bouncy house.

By the way, you are.

I made it from a bouncy house.

This plan stinks!

Did you get a whiff of that hippo?

What hippo? I only see an elephant.

The dancing Hippo in the tutu.

Don't get distracted. We're here to torture Lexi,

not watch disturbing yet strangely compelling circus acts.

Waitress!

Can I get a drink over here?

Coming right up.

(trumpeting)

All right, that's it! New plan.

You know what elephants hate the most?

Generalizations about their likes and dislikes?

No. Mice.

Can you carve this roll into the shape of a mouse?

If I couldn't, what kind of art prodigy would I be?

-Here. -Watch.

This will wipe the smile right off Lexi's face.

(elephant trumpeting)

(loud thudding)

(loud crashing)

-(tires screeching) -(car horn honks)

Why would you taunt the elephant like that?

He's on a gluten-free diet.

And I think I have an idea of how you can pay for the damages.

Okay, I don't.

But I'll think of one.

So, darling, while we're waiting for Cameron,

let me tell you about my new line of beachwear

that combines sun dresses with fun.

Do you call them sundrefunses?

No, that's ridiculous. I call them fundresses.

Sorry I'm late.

I was working out.

You don't get muscles like this

by just inflating some balloon suit under your clothes.

Okay, I'm taking off my bandages.

I want you to be the first thing I see.

Wow.

You are really well-built.

Thank you.

-Oops. -(remote beeps)

Angus, do something!

(loud crashing)

(remote beeps)

What just happened?

Oh, nothing. Your eyes must still be adjusting.

Like, when you look at me, you probably see a 12-year-old girl

instead of a 40-something queen of the fashion world.

Oh. The doctor did say it would take about half an hour

for my vision to return to normal.

-Oh, well, it's only been... -(dart fires)

(air whooshing)

All right. What's going on here?

Okay.

(groaning)

Here's the deal.

Cameron saw you on that Gossamer Jeans catalog

and instantly fell in love with you.

He was so in love that he imagined you were his date to the school dance.

Imagined? You mean like a loony bird?

Uh-huh!

Everyone made fun of him, and to cheer him up,

I sang a song, which I'd be happy to sing for you right now.

Maybe some other time.

(sighs)

The truth is Cameron's not a model.

He's not 6'4". He's not super buff.

He's not classically handsome.

He's not very smart. You know what, just forget what he's not.

What he is, is the greatest guy I know.

(sighs)

Vanessa, I'm sorry I lied to you.

It's just you're so beautiful I was willing to try anything to meet you.

You made up this whole modeling gig? I can't believe you.

That's the craziest thing anyone's ever done.

-I know. -It's also the most romantic.

I'm sorry, did you say "romantic"?

My ears are still ringing from when my head hit the ceiling.

And then the wall.

And then the other wall.

Nobody's ever gone through this much trouble to impress me.

Usually, guys just do something really lame,

like buy me a car or diamond earrings.

I promise I will never, ever do that.

That is so sweet.

Really? In that case,

why don't we go out and get to know each other a little better?

Let me just go wash my hands first.

For some reason my wrist smells like rotten pineapple.

Chyna, we did it! She actually likes me!

Of course she does. I meant what I said.

That I'm the greatest guy you know?

Well, to be fair, I do not know that many people.

(chuckling)

Shut up. You love me.

Ah...

Hey, Cameron. I'm ready. Let's go!

Wow.

Cameron might actually have a girlfriend.

I did not see that coming. (chuckles)

(sighs)

-(dart fires) -(screams)

Or that.

(theme music playing)