Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

Rolling out the red carpet?

It's about time I got the respect I deserve around here.

It's not for you, doof!

(chuckles)

It's for a celebrity.

Sequoia is coming to our school.

Sequoia?

She's my favorite movie star!

Why is she coming here?

Ooh! Maybe she's going to unite two warring dance crews,

like she did in Give Peace a Dance.

That's ridiculous. Our dance crews get along great.

We want Sequoia to get the star treatment.

So we're making sure she walks on a red carpet wherever she goes.

You don't have enough carpet to cover the whole school.

What if she needs to go to the gym?

If she wants to exercise, we have this.

(Sequoia) I don't exercise.

I have people who do that for me.

(giggling)

I can't believe it!

Sequoia! Wow!

You're even taller in person!

Which is weird, because on the movie screen, you're like 20 feet tall.

Although sometimes I do watch your movies on my phone,

and then you're only two inches tall,

so I guess it averages out.

(sighs) That is enough exercise for today.

I am exhausted.

♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, doo, doo ♪

Whoo!

♪ Everybody's got that thing ♪

♪ Something different we all bring ♪

♪ Don't you let 'em clip your wings ♪

♪ You got it, you got it ♪

♪ We're on fire and we blaze ♪

♪ In extraordinary ways ♪

♪ 365 days ♪

♪ We got it, we got it ♪

♪ You can dream it ♪

♪ You can be it ♪

♪ If you can feel it ♪

♪ You can believe it ♪

♪ 'Cause I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Yeah, I am, you are, we are ♪

♪ Exceptional, exceptional ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

Whoo!

So, Sequoia, what are you doing here?

Oh! I'm researching a role.

My next movie is about a child prodigy.

Finally someone's doing a movie about me.

I can teach you everything I know.

Well, not everything,

because no one alive has my brain capacity.

Or my cheek bones.

Actually, the movie is about a musical prodigy.

Boring!

Wait a second! I'm a musical prodigy!

Perfect. So, if you don't mind,

I'd love to follow you around, watch your every move.

Fletcher already does that.

I do not!

I'm just...

bird watching.

I'm going to go try outside. Maybe I'll have better luck.

This is the perfect week to follow me.

I'm performing at Cabaret Night on Friday.

Great. Until then, I just won't leave your side.

Yay! This is going to be so much fun!

Yay! This is going to be so much fun!

(both giggling)

Oh, this isn't going to be annoying at all.

You know, I'm proficient with 37 instruments,

so people love it when I stroll through the cafeteria playing music.

(playing polka music)

Shut up!

Uh...

Sometimes people like to shout out requests.

The "Shut Up Polka" it is!

(playing)

Shut up!

Look at Chyna.

"Ooh, I'm friends with a movie star!

So I'm too cool to sit with Olive and that idiot Angus!"

She's not saying that.

Oh, she's saying that.

What are you doing?

Oh, just studying the way that you eat pizza.

Okay. "Pointy end first."

This is good stuff.

Is this a Stinkle doll?

What? No.

The Stinkles is a little kids' show.

This is...

my manly deodorant.

(hisses)

No, that's Strawberry Stinkle!

I'd recognize her anywhere!

I mean, nowhere.

What's a Stinkle?

Who am I?

Where am I?

I gotta go.

You're a fan of the Stinkles!

Are you going to see the live action Stinkles movie on Friday?

The one opening tomorrow?

(scoffs) Please! I wouldn't be caught dead

at the Pan-Pacific Theater at 3, 5, 7:15 or 9:30.

Great! We can go to the Stinkles movie together!

Shh! Shut up!

Okay! One more time!

(playing polka music)

Shut up!

Opens door using door knob.

Makes puzzled look by furrowing brow. This is good stuff!

Olive, what are you doing?

I'm following you to do research.

I'm writing a movie about a girl who abandons her best friend

to hang out with a celebrity.

Everyone wants to do a movie about me! (chuckles)

I'm having the best day!

You're missing the point! I'm mad at you!

You completely ignored me at lunch!

Come on.

How often do I get to hang out with a movie star?

Look, I'm sorry I didn't have lunch with you today.

I wish I could have, but unfortunately there's only one of me.

Chyna's right.

There's only one of us.

(both playing polka music)

Fine. I don't need you.

I'll just hang out with this idiot Angus.

I don't know why she keeps calling you that.

How can Pomegranate Stinkle be your favorite?

He's so full of himself!

"Ooh, I'm an antioxidant!"

Hey, there's Lexi.

Hey, Lexi! It's Fletcher, from school!

Shh! What are you doing?

We can't let anyone know we're going to a little kids' movie.

We'll never hear the end of it.

Hey.

Are you guys okay?

Yes. We're just hugging ourselves.

It's a little self-esteem booster.

I'm a good person. I'm a good person.

You know what raises my self-esteem?

Being beautiful.

So what movie are you guys here to see?

(both) Uh...

(Cameron reading)

It's a remake of "Please silence your pager in the theater."

Well, I'm here to see that new horror movie,

Hemorrhage II: Revenge of the Hemo-Goblin.

You're going to the movie by yourself?

Yeah. Everyone else at school was too scared.

(scoffs) Well, not us. That's why we're here.

It is?

I mean, it is.

Sometimes I add question marks to statements that don't really need it?

Great. We can see it together.

One teen and two children for Hemorrhage II please.

(knocking on door)

Chyna, can I sleep in your room tonight?

I saw this really scary movie

and now I think the Hemo-Goblin is after me!

Cameron, there's nothing to be afraid of.

-Hi, Chyna. -(screaming)

What's the matter? Is everything okay?

Dad. Look.

(screaming)

I know. Weird, right?

It's Sequoia!

Sequoia is in our house! Sequoia is in our...

Olive, I need to talk to you about Sequoia.

Don't want to talk to you about Sequoia. Don't even want about sequoia trees.

Which are among the largest coniferous trees,

the tallest of which measures 115.61 meters.

You don't understand.

Look, I know she's researching a role,

but I think Sequoia is trying to steal my life!

Why would she steal your life?

Her life is way better than yours.

Anyway, I'm staying as far away as possible from that kook.

I'm glad you've finally come to your senses.

Who cares about hanging around celebrities?

They're no better than we are.

Hey, Olive. Want to have lunch together?

Me? Sequoia wants to have lunch with me?

Where do you want to go?

I'd prefer if you called me Chyna.

Where do you want to go, Chyna?

Olive, what are you doing?

Don't call her that. She's not Chyna, I'm Chyna.

You know what? She's right.

There can't be two Chynas.

Thank you.

Might be easier if you went by a different name for a little while.

Ooh, how about Albert?

I like that. Very distinguished.

What? No. I do not...

Can we talk about this later, Albert? Chyna's waiting for me.

You're late.

And who are these kids?

Orphans. If anyone spots us,

they'll think we're just doing a good deed,

taking these orphans to see the Stinkles movie.

That's so cool the orphanage let you borrow these kids.

We're going to have so much fun.

Yeah, there's nothing I'd rather do

than see some stupid movie with you two fart clowns.

(Lexi) Cameron? Fletcher?

What are you guys doing back?

We're taking these sweet, adorable orphans to see the Stinkles movie.

We don't want to see that stupid baby movie,

but we love these kids.

You better buy me a large popcorn, Daddy Warbucks.

What are you doing back?

I came to see Hemorrhage II again.

This time in 3-D.

So the Hemo-Goblin will be right in my face!

(both yelping)

I think I just Stinkled my pants.

Hemorrhage II? Awesome!

Let's see that instead.

I don't think that's such a good idea.

You guys might be scared.

You guys.

We're seeing that movie,

or I will mess you up!

Nine tickets to Hemorrhage II, please.

Look, I know you didn't want me to come,

but I promise I won't embarrass you.

Hey! My little girl's performing tonight!

She has the voice of an angel!

Let me tell you about the first time she ever sang!

I was changing her diaper. She was three months old!

(sighs)

Huh. Where's my guitar?

I think you mean where's my guitar.

I need that. It's time for my performance.

I think you mean it's time for my performance.

My goodness, you're bonkers.

I think you mean my goodness,

I'm bonkers.

-Give me this! -No! This is mine!

I am trying to borrow it.

Give this here! Let it go!

-Okay. -Oh.

(cymbals clank)

What happened?

And why is everything upside down?

You're the only thing that's upside down.

If everything was upside down,

then the sharks would fall out of the tank.

Sharks? (screams)

Help! Help!

This will make you shut up.

(polka music playing)

(all) Shut up!

Wow, the Shut Up Polka has gotten really popular.

No! No, no, no!

(muffled screaming)

(lively music playing)

(laughter)

(applause)

Sequoia, have you seen Chyna?

I am Chyna.

I mean Albert. Have you seen Albert?

Oh, Albert couldn't make it, so she asked me to fill in for her.

What do you mean she couldn't make it?

She got suspended.

(chuckling wickedly)

(imitating)

What are you doing?

I didn't want her to know I didn't get her joke.

I don't really want to see this little kids' movie,

but I'll do anything for this little bundle of joy.

Thank you. You're the bestest daddy in the whole wide world.

Watch it, you stupid baby!

Lexi?

(chuckles) No, I'm Strawberry Stinkle.

You're a very cute baby.

Give it up. You're not fooling anyone.

Uh, look! My baby's taking his first steps!

Too bad his mother's not here to see this.

Unfortunately, she's doing a pictorial for a swimsuit magazine.

Lexi, I know you're in there!

(both grunting)

Stop it!

No!

All right, all right, it's me!

I've been trying to see the Stinkles movie all week.

You guys were here to see the horror movie.

I couldn't look less cool than you.

We're here to see the Stinkles, too!

(clears throat)

This little rascal insisted.

To think I'm missing a round of golf for this.

Why don't we all see the movie together?

Okay. Why not?

All right,

but since I'll be bored by this children's film, I'll just...

I'll do my taxes.

(grunting)

-(Chyna mumbling) -(crunching)

(Chyna mumbling) No... I love these shoes!

What the heck!

Oh, "suspended." Now I get the joke.

(chuckling wickedly)

(Chyna mumbling)

Guys, get me down!

You were right about Sequoia. She's off her rocker!

(mumbling)

DUH.

Wait a minute. Are those sharks?

Awesome!

Technically, they're oceanic white tips.

You can tell by their long, wing-like pectoral and dorsal fins.

(groans) That's fascinating.

What can you tell us about their diet?

Do they like their food suspended over a tank

by a rapidly fraying rope?

Olive, hurry! Do something!

I've got it!

Dolphins have been known to protect humans from shark attacks!

We just need a dolphin!

Okay, here's a website where you can order dolphins online.

(snaps)

If I spend $5 more, I get free shipping.

(snapping)

You guys need anything?

(splashes)

Ooh, I can add an umbrella for $6.99.

Chyna!

Olive, that was amazing!

You dove into the tank, punched out a shark, and saved my life!

And best of all, you kept my hair dry!

Well, you do have a performance.

I'm sorry I let Sequoia come between us.

Me, too.

I got caught up in celebrity.

It made me feel important. But it's not.

What's really important is our friendship.

I feel the same way.

Can I put you down now?

You're heavier than you look.

(chuckles)

(applause)

Thank you. My name is Chyna Parks.

You're not Chyna Parks.

You're Sequoia! I love you, Sequoia!

Stop! This girl is an impostor!

(all gasping)

She dangled me over a tank of sharks!

She tried to kill me!

Why are you laughing?

Don't laugh at me like I'm the wacko!

She's the wacko!

Follow me and I'll prove it!

No, follow me and I'll prove it.

You're getting on my last nerve.

See? A shark tank!

Dad, Dad, be careful!

There are no sharks in this tank.

They're over there.

They're stunt men.

Okay, but this one still ate my shoe!

Why would you do all this?

It's all part of my movie research.

How does this help?

You're starring in a movie as a musical prodigy.

No. I'm starring in a movie about a musical prodigy.

I play the psycho girl who tries to steal her life.

Wow.

You're going to be really good in this role.

Thank you. I'm the real Chyna Parks.

(all groaning)

(music starts playing)

♪ Lately something's messin' With my head ♪

♪ It's hard to know What's real and what's pretend ♪

♪ The way I feel I don't have the cure of, cure of ♪

♪ But one thing I know that I'm sure of, sure of ♪

♪ I am the one and only ♪

♪ No one is exactly like me ♪

♪ I am the one and only ♪

♪ Who turned out this way ♪

♪ It's all in my DNA ♪

♪ Do not attempt to copy ♪

♪ I'm on this ride And there's no stoppin' me ♪

♪ I am the one and only, it's true ♪

♪ And you're the one and only you ♪

(all cheering)

Honey, you were so good! Oh!

(laughing)

Oh!

Not a bad picture, but why all the foul language?

"Darn this" and "darn that."

Eh. This world is going to heck in a hand basket.

You can knock it off. We're in the clear.

(gasps)

Look at the babies coming out of the baby movie.

Leave us alone, orphans!

You got any yummy bears left over?

I don't, I swear!

I think they're holding out on us.

Let's get 'em!

Orphan style!

(screaming)

(theme music playing)